01x08 - The Wedding

[bunniefuu]

Oh. Um. "I'll I'll Be Your Mirror"?

Uh-huh. That's the one.

Cheers.

- Lisa.

- Veggie.

You're here?

Yeah, sorry. Uh, what

are you doing here?

You went out in the

middle of the night. Again.

I thought you might've ended up here.

Why?

[CLEARS THROAT] Lisa, what's in the box?

Oh, yeah, um Yeah, it's a cat.

- Ah, yeah, that'll be it.

- I'm just bringing the cat because

Lisa, no, look. Forget about that.

What the hell is going on with us?

Aren't you going to introduce me?

- [STAMMERS] Uh, yeah.

- [SNEEZES, SNIFFLES]

Of course, yeah. Um

Leese.

- [WHISPERS INDISTINCTLY] Hey. Okay.

- [CAT MEOWING]

For me?

- Yeah.

- Oh.

I thought he could

replace Rebecca de Mornay.

This is the nicest thing

anyone's ever done for me.

- [SIGHS]

- I'll have to take you off my list.

[STAMMERS] Okay. Um,

[STAMMERS] Lisa, c-can we

Yeah, sorry. [STAMMERS]

Sorry. Um, would you mind? [SIGHS]

Not at all.

Yeah, that's okay. Um,

I fancied a walk anyway.

Nice to meet you.

- [SNEEZES]

- Bless you.

[VEGGIE] Thank you.

- [CAT MEOWS, PURRS]

- [ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING]

Hey, it's Amy. Leave me a

message, and I'll get back to you.

Hey [CLEARS THROAT] it's Danny.

Uh, just making sure you got home okay.

I'm sorry things got

a bit weird earlier.

I wish I could say things

like that don't happen here,

but that would be a lie.

Um, so, if you're up for

more of the same, great.

If not, I could move.

I hear Canada's nice.

[INHALES DEEPLY] Um,

call me when you get this.

Oh, by the way, you left

your makeup bag here.

[STAMMERS] Hopefully on

purpose. I don't know. Um

[CLICKS TONGUE, STAMMERS] Okay, night.

- A secret storage unit?

- Oh, my God, it's not a secret.

- Well, I didn't know about it.

- [SIGHS]

And why have you been

hiding my dad's horse there?

What do you mean, "Why"? Look at it!

He can't do faces. Okay? But

that's not the point. It's

[STAMMERS] It's the deception.

It's a storage unit, Veggie.

Okay, you wanted me to

get rid of my old stuff.

I didn't want to. It's

called a compromise.

Well, I'm not just talking

about the storage unit, okay?

I'm I'm talking about us.

[STAMMERS] Things have been so weird

since we went camping,

and then there's tonight.

What are you doing at Danny's?

Well, what are you doing at Danny's?

Well, no, that's that's

a separate [STAMMERS]

Okay, I was [INHALES SHARPLY,

STAMMERS] No, I I asked you first! Well?

- I'm not sleeping with him, Veggie, am I?

- I know you're not!

No, it would make more

sense to me if you were.

I don't think you know what it's

like for your partner to come alive

as soon as you go to bed. It's like I

I sleep through all your shine.

I wish you were sleeping with him.

You know, at least I could be angry.

You know, we could work through it.

But I-I-I don't even

know what the problem is!

Let alone how to fix it.

I'm really sorry I've

been distant lately.

You have. [INHALES DEEPLY] Because

you thought I was gonna propose.

What?

[PLAYING PIANO]

[SNIFFLES]

[KNUCKLES CRACK]

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

- [DANNY] Hey.

- Why did you tell Veggie

- I thought he was gonna propose?

- I didn't. How'd you know? Not that I did.

He told me he came to see you.

- Why did he do that?

- How did you even know?

- 'Cause you told me.

- No, I didn't. When?

- When would I do that?

- Gemma's hen do, after you got arrested.

[SIGHS]

Hold on, does that

mean he's not proposing?

No, I don't suppose

he is, given he's left.

- [BANGING]

- Oh, sh*t.

What was that?

No, n-nothing. It was nothing. So,

like, left as in never-coming-back left?

Don't know. He's

packed an overnight bag.

- Are you gonna be okay?

- Not really. [SNIFFLES]

Look, getting dumped for

the first time can be hard.

- Uh [STAMMERS] I haven't been dumped.

- It's just

No. No, I know. Okay. First time

you get left temporarily then.

That's not much better. Oh, God.

[CRIES] Am I gonna become like you now?

No, to become like me you need

a very special kind of dumping.

The kind of humiliation that literally

keeps you up every single night.

[MOUTHING WORDS] Hi.

Neville.

Hi. Danny.

What are you having as a main?

Uh Uh, the fish, I think.

[SIGHS] I didn't read the menu properly.

Turns out there's chicken on there,

so, uh, I'm trying to swap.

If you hear of anyone

I'll let you know.

[LISA] She's not being unreasonable.

No, of course she's not, Mum.

Well, she's two years old.

I've gotta go. [STAMMERS]

Yeah. Yeah. I I'm

hanging up. I'm hanging up.

[CHUCKLES]

If anyone asks, would you mind

saying that I've been here all day?

- Sure. No problem.

- Thanks. [CHUCKLES]

- I'm, uh I'm Danny, by the way.

- [SIGHS]

Oh, hi. Lisa. Nice to meet you, Danny.

Nice to meet you.

What have I missed?

Oh, just the canapés. And

the, uh the ceremony.

Yeah, I know. I do feel

bad. But at the same time,

you've been to one wedding,

you've been to them all. You know?

We get it, you love each other.

Now, when can we get pissed?

- Is this wine open?

- Yeah, go for it.

Yeah. [SIGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

Is that better?

- Ugh. Much better.

- Yeah.

If I ask you something, do you

promise to tell me the truth?

- Absolutely.

- How big are the bags under my eyes?

They look fine to me.

Haven't slept for about two

months. Chronic insomnia.

Really? Oh, I'd hate that. I've

never had a problem sleeping.

- Waking up, that's the problem.

- Well,

if I start jabbering like

a madwoman, you know why.

Oh, I thought you'd already started.

[CHUCKLES]

So, what is it that you do, Danny?

I, um I write for the NME.

Really? That's properly cool.

It's pretty perfect

for me, to be honest.

I mean, I go to loads of

gigs, I drink a lot of cider,

and then I watch a lot of men in

tight jeans play the synthesizer.

Sounds like a job I'd like. How

do you know the happy couple?

- Oh, well, I actually

- How's my little munchkin? [KISSES]

- Your munchkin is doing good.

- [DATE CHUCKLES]

Oh, this is Lisa.

Oh, you were at the hen do.

Oh, yeah. Had to leave

early. Yeah. How are you?

I'm good. A bit nervous.

Chloe's a singer. She's

performing tonight.

Oh, wow.

Oh, I know. Hannah asked me

especially, and I was like,

"Can't I get you a toaster

like everyone else?"

[LAUGHS] Yeah, I love toast.

[CHUCKLES]

Uh, Chloe sings the song

from the car commercial.

- The one where it races the cheetah.

- Sod off. That's you?

Yeah. Now it's gone a bit viral, so

"Bit viral"? Very modest. Very

viral. It's gone really viral.

- Wow!

- [DANNY] She's the best.

He's my little cheerleader.

Been championing me

since day one. [CHUCKLES]

- [DANNY CHUCKLES]

- Hey, um, we should really prepare.

Okay, sure. Uh, I've

gotta go, guys. Sorry.

- [LISA] Good luck.

- [STAMMERS]

Yeah, that's Milo. He's, uh He's

kind of taken over as manager now.

Since it everything's

blown up. It's

Why is her manager here? It's

hardly Glastonbury. [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah.

- Hmm.

- He wants to put it on YouTube.

- Oh.

Says it could play well.

Not forgetting her

roots, that kind of thing.

- But I don't [STAMMERS]

- Wine?

- I'd love some, yeah.

- Yeah.

Uh, chicken or fish?

Yeah, uh [SIGHS]

Lisa, Neville. Neville, Lisa.

Uh, fish.

[GROANS]

- Cheers, Danny.

- Cheers.

[LISA] Aw, poor Neville.

I really hope he managed to

forage some chicken from somewhere.

[STAMMERS] Didn't you hear?

The kitchen found him eating out

of the bin at the end of the night.

- Out of the bin?

- Yeah.

I really wish all people

remembered from me that night

was asking their dinner choice.

Not everything that happened was bad.

I mainly remember the bad stuff.

Well, you met me.

- Yeah. Case in point.

- We had a good time. We had a laugh.

- We didn't.

- Yes, we did. [LAUGHS]

No, we did. Yeah, we

did. We did have a laugh.

[SINGING "MODERN LOVE"]

[CHEERING]

No, wait, wait, wait. No, no, no.

Don't tell me you put

"tea drinker" in your bio.

What? I love tea!

Yeah, who doesn't? But you may

as well have put "air breather."

- [CHUCKLES]

- Look, I've known you two seconds,

and trust me, you're

not that uninteresting.

[CHUCKLES] Okay, well,

what would you put then?

[SMACKS LIPS] Okay, how about this?

[CLEARS THROAT] Right. "With the

news that Lisa Osgood is back"

on the dating scene, her

incredible sense of humor

Oh?

and frankly impeccable

fashion sense

Hmm.

" surely means that

2019 is gonna be her year."

- [CHUCKLES]

- There we go.

You've just received your first

five-star review by the NME.

- There might be a few typos, but

- Aw, I love it. Thank you.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Okay, one last thing.

- Okay.

Do we really think this photo is

the best representation of you?

[LISA] What is wrong with that?

When you find a massive crisp,

it is your duty to

share it with the world.

Honestly, look, I agree. It's a

whopper. But we're in the minority.

- Let me take a photo of you now.

- What? Oh, no, I'm a mess.

No, you're not. You look amazing.

- Fine. [CHUCKLES]

- Yeah?

Yeah, well [STAMMERS] Take

it before I change my mind.

- Very quickly.

- Okay.

Okay? You won't even know it happened.

- All right. You let me know.

- a second.

- Yeah, you good?

- Yeah.

All right. You ready? I'm ready.

Okay.

Are you taking it or what?

Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, photo taken.

Thank you.

You know what? You'd

better put that on silent,

'cause that is about to blow up.

[LAUGHS] We'll see.

You were quite the wordsmith.

I'd totally forgotten that happened.

You know, that wedding was

the last time I went dancing.

Like, you know, proper dancing-dancing.

- Mmm.

- We should go dancing.

Like, right now. What's stopping us?

Well, me. Hello, I'm agoraphobic.

But you left the flat

to come and find me.

But that was Well,

that was different.

Well, how?

Well, because you needed me.

Right.

Oh, what are you doing?

If we can't go to the club,

the club is gonna come to us.

- Oh, no.

- [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

- Right.

- Ow, my tummy my tummy aches.

Come on, it's just us.

- Leave me alone.

- Daniel, get up.

- No.

- Right now.

I'm gonna go to bed

now and get some rest.

Shh! Come on.

It looks fun, but listen, I'm gonna go.

- Have a great evening.

- [STRAINING]

- Fine. Whoo-hoo!

- Yay!

[LISA GIGGLES]

["DANCING ON MY OWN" PLAYING]

[CHUCKLES, GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING, EXHALES SHARPLY]

Oh, ah!

And the rope. I'll pull you in.

Oh, oh, oh, I'm coming

in, I'm coming in.

- [STRAINING]

- I Gotcha.

Oh. I'm pulling you.

- [STRAINS] Oh, you're heavy.

- [MUMBLES, GRUNTS] Heavy?

Ooh! It's hot.

What's "Greased Lightning"?

"Greased Lightning"? This.

That's not "Greased Lightning."

That's Saturday Night Fever.

- Do this as well.

- [LAUGHING]

Bit of this. You got

a box set. Travolta.

The jogging man.

Like this. And the

walking man. Just a walk.

- Gonna hit my robot.

- Go on then. Let's see it.

Bad robot. [STRAINING]

- Oh. Hey, that's pretty good.

- No.

[MOUTHING] Why can't you see me?

[SINGING "LOVE SHACK"]

So, how long have you

been with Chloe then?

Almost three years.

Oh, wow, okay. Long time.

- So, is she the one?

- Well, it's f

Ladies and gentlemen,

please welcome Chloe Wheaton!

[CHEERING]

Thanks so much. Okay,

let's get started then.

Oh, and if you know

the words, sing along.

[CHEERING]

I feel him wherever I go

When I'm high and when I'm low ♪

- Can I tell you a secret?

- Sure.

He's my satellite

My leading light ♪

Bloody hell.

What do you think?

I think if you proposed to me with that,

I'd be dry-humping you in the

car park within ten minutes.

- That's good, right?

- Usually, yes.

Well, I'm a bit nervous, to be honest.

Why?

You're not doing it tonight, are you?

Can't wait any longer.

[CHLOE] I want

to get to know him ♪

Work out what it is that makes

him Stand out from the crowd ♪

Tell the world I'm proud

that he's my satellite ♪

- I'm just gonna get a drink.

- Okay, yeah.

Running rings around

my heart Such a ♪

[SINGING CONTINUES, MUFFLED]

[CELL PHONE CHIMING]

[PEOPLE CHEERING, MUFFLED]

- [MC] Ladies and gentlemen Chloe Wheaton!

- Hmm.

[MC SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

That was so sh*t. The

sound in here is a joke.

- Hey, hey. You were great.

- [SIGHS]

Why don't we get out of here?

I can't. I'm singing for the hora.

After that we'll get out of here.

Your room or mine? [KISSES]

[CHLOE] Well, Danny's in mine.

[MILO] Oh, well, mine then.

- I cannot wait to get you out to LA.

- [GASPS]

They are gonna love you there.

[INHALES SHARPLY] Listen, I

haven't mentioned it to Danny yet,

so don't say anything.

It'll crush him.

[MILO] Why don't you write a

song for him on the new album?

- That'll cheer him up.

- [CHUCKLES]

- [KISSING]

- [STAMMERS]

- [TOILET FLUSHES]

- [GASPS]

[SIGHS]

[DANNY] New entry. Caerphilly crumble.

Crumbly cheese from Caerphilly in Wales.

Little cr*cker with a crumbling after.

A little wave to the Caerphilly people.

A little cr*cker. Crumble

it off and then a

a little bit of swag

with the crumbling off,

and then the hips, hips, hips, hips.

Hello? Wait, no, no, no, no. I

was in I was getting into that.

Little bit of hip, little bit

of hip, little bit of shiver.

Did you really think Chloe was the one?

[PANTING] What? [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Um, I don't know. [STAMMERS]

Honestly, I'm not sure I

believe in "the one" anymore.

I mean, what if that person's in

China? There's 1.4 billion people there.

Statistically, she probably

is. I don't speak Chinese.

I'm sorry, Danny.

[SIGHS] Oh, that's okay. Don't

worry, I'm over it now. More or less.

No, I [SIGHS]

Like, I could've saved you

from doing what you did.

["HAVA NAGILA" PLAYING]

- All right?

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

- I'll get it.

- Sorry, Danny. Sorry.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

No worries.

You sure you're all right?

Yeah. Good.

- [SONG ENDING]

- [CHEERING]

- Wish me luck.

- Yeah.

What? No-No,

Da-Dan. Oh, my God.

[GRUNTS]

Ow, ow! [EXHALES DEEPLY, SIGHS]

- Babe, what's going on?

- You'll see.

[BREATHES DEEPLY] What a

day. [CHUCKLES] Um, hello. Hi.

My name is Dammy Gibson.

Dammy, Danny. [CHUCKLES]

My name is Danny Gibson.

And, um, for those

of you who don't know,

this wonderful person

here is my girlfriend.

Now, Chloe,

- I would like to ask you a question.

- [GUESTS MURMURING]

And that question is

[CHLOE] Danny.

- Danny, please don't do this. Not here.

- [STAMMERS]

- Um

- [GUESTS MURMURING]

Um

[STUTTERS] I was Uh, I was,

um It's just that I've

W-Wanna tell you

how I'm feeling ♪

Wanna make you understand ♪

[WHISPERS] One, two, three.

Never wanna give you up

Never wanna let you down ♪

Never wanna run

around and desert you ♪

Come on. It's real!

Never gonna make you cry

Never wanna say goodbye ♪

Never wanna ma Tell

a lie and desert you ♪

Babe, can we talk privately?

Yeah, yeah.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Uh, now I, uh uh Mic drop.

[MIC INTERFERENCE]

- [BAND MEMBER] Oi!

- Sorry.

[CHLOE] Who even does that?

Proposing at someone else's wedding

and still managing to screw it up?

Yeah. I swear it was in the pocket.

It's not about the ring, Danny!

I was never gonna say yes.

Yeah. Right. Why?

It's so clear to me

now. I've outgrown you.

You know, I thought we were

going down the same road together.

[INHALES DEEPLY] But the

truth is, you're going nowhere.

Nowhere I wanna go anyway.

[MILO] There you are.

The label want your feedback on

the design for the album cover.

Okay. [SNIFFLES]

Probably for the best, mate.

[HEART BEATING]

["SATURDAY NIGHT" PLAYING]

[GUESTS CHATTERING]

- [DANNY BREATHING HEAVILY]

- [HEART BEATING CONTINUES]

[GUEST LAUGHING]

I don't know if I told you,

but I actually found the

ring later that night.

It was in my jacket pocket the

whole time. [INHALES SHARPLY]

I don't know if it was the

universe intervening or what, but

Yeah. No, the universe the

universe didn't take your ring, Danny.

I-I took your ring.

What?

You bent down to pick up my bag

and I-I took it out of your pocket.

No. How the No, h-how'd

you get it back in the pocket?

Well, I slipped it back in when

I was saying goodbye to you.

Are you telling me it

was you the whole time?

I'm really, really, really sorry.

You're sorry? How

could you do that to me?

I just I don't know. I just

sort of did it without thinking.

Who ta No.

Who steals someone's engagement

ring without thinking?

Yeah, because I was trying to

stop you from humiliating yourself.

Oh, were you? Well, you failed.

- Really badly.

- Yeah, I know, Danny.

But I didn't know you

were gonna get on stage.

- Why would you do that?

- I don't know!

You don't know. There's no reason.

No! Of course there

was a reason! I just

So what's the reason then?

Tell me the rea

Lisa, tell me the reason.

- What's the reason?

- Because I thought you deserved better!

'Cause I could see Chloe was using you.

And you didn't deserve that

because I'd only just met you,

but I could already tell how

kind and funny you were. And

And because I liked you.

What do you mean you liked me?

- I'm sorry. I've gotta go, Danny.

- No. No, don't

[BREATHES SHAKILY]

[DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

[LINE RINGING]

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[CLICKS TONGUE, SIGHS]

[SIGH]

[MUSIC PLAYING THROUGH HEADPHONES]

- [MUSIC ENDS]

- Hi.

Hi.

[PANTING]

I wasn't sure when you'd be back.

I thought I should be here for

when my parents drop Poppy off.

[SOFTLY] Yeah.

Where did you go?

Ended up running in a circle.

I'm really sorry. Just for everything.

I-I thought I should

just say something.

And then, you know, once

I've said it, it's out there.

And you can do whatever

you like with it.

Okay.

Yeah. Um

[STAMMERS] I want you to know

Look, th-there's a mirror involved.

A mirror? What do

you What do you mean?

When you look in the mirror

[STAMMERS] I want you to see me.

Okay.

No. I, um I want you

to feel like I can see you.

Right. Okay.

Even though I won't be in the room.

But someti sometimes

I would be in the room.

Okay. Yeah.

[STAMMERS] No, sorry.

[STAMMERING] F-Forget the mirror.

[STAMMERS] It wasn't even my idea.

Okay. [CHUCKLES]

I-I-I've never found it easy

to, u-um w-with words.

I know.

I'll always be your Veggie, Leese.

For as long as you want me to be.

Um, I probably should get to bed.

Think I might have run

a marathon by accident.

[PANTING]

Is it pea and ham?

Minestrone?

Ah. Right.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[SIGHS] What's in that then?

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[SIGHS]

[BELL RINGS]

- [BICYCLE BELL RINGS]

- [CYCLIST] Oi!

where you're going! Bloody lunatic!

[PANTS] Sorry. Totally my

fault. Have a good evening.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

[WHISPERING] What are

you doing in my garden?

I can't hear a word you're saying.

[CELL PHONE BUZZES]

[SPRINKLERS WHIRRING]

[CHORTLES]

- [GASPS]

- [LISA LAUGHING]

Ah.

[LAUGHING]

[CELL PHONE BUZZING]

- [LAUGHS] Hi.

- Hi.

Sorry. I seem to have set

the cat spray thing to

to jet stream or something.

- Oh, did you? I hadn't noticed.

- [LAUGHING]

- [SIGHS]

- [SIGHS] So

So.

So, Veggie's back then?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

It doesn't mean that, uh

I actually just don't know what

anything really means right now.

Yeah. Yeah.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

Why did you come?

I wanted to say

whatever happens, I'll be here.

You came all the way

here just to tell me that?

Well [STAMMERS] I, uh

[SIGHS] Yeah.

[CHUCKLES] Okay.

Bye, Lisa.

Bye, Danny.

[MUFFLED] I actually

wanna say something else.

[NORMAL] Sorry. I wanna

say something else.

Okay.

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

I wanna say

I'll be your mirror, Lisa.

- But

- I see the real you. I do.

The warm, kind, funny,

certifiably crazy person

that would do absolutely

anything for anyone.

Like, steal someone's engagement ring

so they don't make the

biggest mistake of their life.

[SIGHS]

When you need someone to remind

you of how great that person is,

I want you to call me,

okay?

Okay.

- Do you have my number?

- I actually don't know if I do anymore.

- Deleted it?

- I think I did.

Fair enough. Take this

down. 07 Always the same.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

Same time, next time?

Same time, next time.

["I'LL BE YOUR MIRROR" PLAYING]

[LAUGHS]