01x03 - Episode 3

[bunniefuu]

Nobody on this app wants me.

I'm like a Sugar orphan.

Looking for mentorship.

It's accurate.

It ain't big brothers, big
sisters, it's a sugar daddy.

Right, whatever.

I'm just not as
attractive as you guys.

- True.
- But that's not the problem.

Look, you don't
need to seem slutty

but if you're gonna go as naive

you should at least come
across as corruptible.

Am I corruptible though?

I don't wanna mislead anyone.

In my experience
you are, easily.

I'd give you some tips

but we're in direct competition.

Uh-uh, no fair,
you already have one.

Early is blocked.

I don't need a daddy
who's gonna spend his days

pining over me and
saying, "I love you."

I need a daddy who's gonna
take advantage of me,

produce my musical, then
go back to earning money.

So somebody tone deaf?

[friends laughing]

This is why you're alone.

Whereas I have a promising lead.

I've sent out like 10 messages

and we'll see if
anyone gets back to me.

- 10?
- 10!

Why? How many
did you guys send?

About 150.

One.

Do you like musicals?

I like,

not really.

Ever been to a dance recital?

The Nutcracker?

But I mean, my sister was
like a plum or something.

What do you do?

I own a hardware store.

- Hardware like, buzzsaws.
- I can get you a buzz saw.

Noted.

What are you looking for?

I'm open to suggestion.

I'm thinking casual,
clear boundaries.

Simple.

Sex can be simple.

Who said anything about sex?

[Man coughs]

Kidding.
- Good one, good one.

Are you a top?

You look like a top.

I can be.

Should we negotiate?

Rule number one?

You don't fall in love with me.

Why would I?

Well, what do you
mean, why would you?

Some people find
me very lovable.

I don't see it.

Well, good.

We're on the same page then.

I'm thinking
two grand a month,

two dates a week.

That seems reasonable,

for an entry level position.

I'll expect a Christmas bonus

and a raise as I work my way up.

Work your way up what?

You'll find out.
[both laugh]

[ice rattling]

sh*t.

Everything okay?

Yeah, I think I'm out of data,

and maybe minutes.

Didn't pay your bill?

Honestly didn't seem like
top priority until right now.

It's funny how that works.

Hey.

Oh no thanks.

That's really nice.

It's a particular app.

Oh yeah?

Trying to get lucky?

In a way.

[Sarah laughs]

What apps are you on?

Was is rin-tin-Tinder
to find that special

canine friend?
[Man laughs]

Or plenty of actual
fish for aquatic fun?

All right, never you mind.
[Sarah laughs]

I guess you'll just
have to start looking

for love in the tangible world.

Yeah.

Until payday.

[Sarah] That's
fine, there you go.

Cut my phone off.

Oh my god.

Do you need a damp cloth?

Can't call me if
any shifts come up.

I can't check my
messages or my apps.

How much do you owe?

Can't check.

Plus some dude messaged me.

- A daddy?
- Yeah.

What'd he say?

I don't know, Bud.

I can't check.

Maybe I can log you in.

Let me log out.

What's your username?

It's Curious Gorge.

Password?

moral _dilemna.

No caps.

Hmm.

There you go, you
have a message.

It just says, "Woof."

He's like 81.

It's a start.

How am I gonna
know what to do?

Watch some g*y porn.

I did.

I'm still trying to
figure out, you know,

like, the mechanics of it.

Maybe I should practice.

With me?

Go on Grindr.

I don't wanna practice
same sex with some stranger.

It's mostly the
same as a girl.

Mm-mm, it can't be.

It's close enough.

You're just making
yourself tense

because of stupid things society

puts in your head from birth.

Skin is skin, lips are lips.

n*pples are n*pples and
butt holes are butt holes.

Butt holes have no gender, Tab.

Hmm.

Help a brother out.

Fine.

[soft moaning]

That was nice.

I already g*y kissed
last time I saw him.

You did?

How was it?

It was alright.

Well, not everyone's
as good a kisser as me.

No, he was.

Was he now?

[Bud spits]

Yeah, but like,

what if he wants me to
suck his d*ck or something?

There's a good chance.

But look, what are
you comfortable doing?

Like you could let
him suck yours.

- Yeah.
- Or, lick your butt.

I guess.

- You know what you should do?
- No.

Drop E.

I don't know.

Remember when we
were at Coachella

and you got with that big
girl with all the acne?

I thought those were sparkles.

[Bud] See, ecstasy makes
you more open minded.

But I don't have any ecstasy.

I know where to get some.

[can spray hisses]

That's hairspray.

Oh.

[can spray hisses]

It is.

Hmm.

- So, you only want one hit?
- Do you have two?

Benny might want some.
- Oh yeah, one for his daddy.

Wow.

How much?

Oh, don't worry about it.

It's gotta get used.

I've been sort of
straight edge lately.

Helps my dancing.

Does it?

I haven't noticed.

[Clark] Hard to
notice when you get high

before every class.

- I do not.
- Mm-hmm.

Speaking of class, do you
wanna have sex with Tab?

He needs to practice.

Ah, I have a dinner date.

- With daddy?
- Yeah.

[laughs] Have fun.

Whatever.

Why doesn't anyone wanna
practice same sex with me?

- Do you wanna take molly?
- You need to go?

It's supposed to loosen us up.

[Benny] I've got
some cognac at my place

if you wanna take a shot or two.

Molly makes you horny.

Well, if that's what it takes.

[packet rustling]

[both laughing]

- You wanna go dancing?
- I thought we were

gonna do it.
- Oh, no.

I wanna go dancing.

- Well, don't you wanna?
- No, I called an Uber.

It's gonna be here
in two minutes.

Come on, we gotta
meet her out front.

[both laughing]

Smart,

cute,

shy.

Hard working and loyal.

Looking for someone
to show me the ropes.

[door knocking]

- What?
- I need a picture of you.

Why?

I'm gonna manage your profile

on the Sugar app and let you
know when you get messages.

You're gonna manage me?

To help.

That sounds a lot like a pimp.

[gasps] I've always
wanted to be a pimp.

Just let me take some pictures.

Your selfies are goofy,
self-deprecating.

Maybe it'd be better to
show you how I see you.

How do you see me?

Take off your shirt?

I don't want a shirtless
photo up there.

Trust me.

No,

no,

no.

Just relax.

How am I supposed to relax?

Talk to me.

How was work?

It was all right.

Who'd you talk to?

Oh, that girl, Sarah.

She's cooler than I thought.

Did I tell you we're
pooling tips now?

That was her idea, and she
makes more than any of us.

She likes you.

Or she's a communist.

Well, you're a socialist.

Not everyone from
Canada is a socialist.

What are you
doing here anyway?

I mean, before you
answered my ad.

Well, I came here
to develop my app.

I grew up in Nova
Scotia on a farm.

Really?

But Silicon Valley, this
is where it all happens.

What's your app?

It's an animal husbandry app.

So like, if you have a cow

that you need to
breed with a steer.

So like Tinder for
barnyard animals.

Hey, do you really
think she likes me?

Hmm.

[upbeat music]

Hey, hey.

- Hey!
- You took the molly?

- Yeah. Like an hour ago.
- Cool, cool.

You live with Bud, right?

- Yeah.
- Are you boyfriends?

No, he won't even have
practice sex with me.

Why do you need
to practice sex?

To get good.

Ah, is he here?

Oh, no, I'm here with...

[upbeat music continues]

Oh sh*t.

Benny?

Oh my god, Nicole, don't
go back in the cabin.

Oh my god, she's irritating me.

No, run!

[Mickey laughs]

She should have
listened to yo.

Right?

It's for you.

- Really?
- It's a daddy.

What's he like?

Not a lot of hair,
but nice smile.

He's nice.

- Make a date with him.
- After the movie.

b*tch, they're all gonna die
except for the dirty blonde

with the padded bra.

Hold on.

Ready?

[Tab] I lost Benny.

You lost him?

What do you mean?

Where are you

[Tab] At this dance bar.

I give him a molly
and he wanted to dance

and I lost track of
him on the dance floor.

I've been looking for
him for a half hour.

So he's wandering around
downtown, high on molly,

and you're wandering around
downtown high on molly

looking for him?

Okay, look around
for some landmarks

and tell me what you see.

So you haven't
seen him in an hour?

Yeah.

Why'd you give him ecstasy?

I wanted to put
us in the mood.

Look for Benny.

The alley from c*ck Feathers

lets out at 19th.

Wait, put him in the
mood for what, dancing?

No, sex.

- Jesus Christ, man.
- Do you see him?

You know, if you have to
drug yourself to do something

it's probably not a good
idea to do that thing

in the first place.

Oh, like you never
banged anyone drunk

that you wouldn't
have banged sober?

Yeah, that's exactly my point.

You are high three
quarters of every day.

Yeah, I don't get
high to convince myself

to do sh*t that I
wouldn't do sober.

Really?

Trying to sell people they
don't want on the phone,

serving Americanos to people

five years behind you in school,

mowing lawns and fixing toilets.

Convincing yourself to do
sh*t you don't wanna do

is the reason you get
high and stay high.

Oh, stop, stop, stop!

There he is, right there.

That's him?

Yeah.

I don't think he's ever
done ecstasy before.

Hey!
- Hey, hey!

This is my boy,
Tab, and his crew.

Boys, this is Tula.

Hi, Tula.

Hi, babies, y'all look hungry.

Mm.

This is so good.

♪ So give me one kiss goodbye

♪ Don't try to make
me stay for a while ♪

♪ Give me one kiss goodbye

♪ Shouldn't lie,
won't come back ♪

♪ Just give me
one kiss goodbye ♪

[upbeat music]