01x16 - Parents Evening

[bunniefuu]

[ No, Dodo!
[ Dinner!

[ There's no robot
on Mars. Where did it come from?

I don't know!
Tell him, Dad.

- Thursday evening, Connolly's.
- What?

Me and Pete did a presentation
on it in science,

and there's this robot
that lives on Mars.

Wow, Dad! Thanks so much

for cooking
this delicious meal for us.

Thanks, Dad.

Oh thanks, love.
It looks delicious.

Like you know
about science anyway.

Actually I DO
know about science.

You know about science?

Actually I do,
and I'll prove it.

If I get a good report tonight,

I get a footie sticker,
right Dad?

Mmm. What?

- The football sticker.
- Ohhh, yeah.

See!

Oh, is that the time?
We better head off soon.

I'll have that footie sticker
by the time I get home.

Tonight is parents' evening.

Yeah? Good luck
with that one, Dodo.

A night Joe Connolly
will never forget.

Joe Connolly has been
to many parents' evenings.

Hello again Mr. Connolly, Joe,
and you're Mrs. Connolly?

Guilty!

And is used to
his parents' behaviour.

Nice to see you again
Ms. Siddiqui,

and eh, under better
circumstances this time, eh Joe?

- Yep.
- Tonight will be a huge success.

Wowee!
Joe is a remarkable student.

My favourite
in all my years of teaching.

I have never come across
a pupil more deserving

of a football sticker.

I am so full of pride.

I am equally full of pride.

Are you nearly done? I have
nice things to say about Joe.

I have SO many more
nice things to say!

When school's over, he will be
remembered as one of the greats.

I knew him before he was famous.
Ow!

I knew him too! Oof!

I knew him first!

Three, two, one...

Years later, after Joe
becomes the first Martian

and self-appointed King of Mars,

he will remember his reward for
a good parents' evening report.

A football sticker!

[ So if you just
Go to the assigned classroom

you can find out everything your
children have been up to here.

Not everything, I hope.

Dad!

OK, that's it from me.

Have a nice evening.

- Hey Joe, did you hear? I said--
- Yup! I heard.

What's first
on the agenda then, mate?

- Umm, P.E. I think.
- Hope you've got your kit!

I don't need kits, Dad.

I hope we finally
get to meet your girlfriend.

- What?!
- Oh, what's she called?

Lily Scott, that's it!

Jamie had unintentionally

told his parents
about Lily a week earlier.

Joe has a girlfriend.
Her name is Lily Scott.

- Now Joe Connolly has a problem.
- Oh no!

If Joe's parents
and girlfriend ever meet,

the consequences
will be disastrous.

- Very embarrassing things!
- No! Stop!

It's too late, Joe.

Your parents
are so embarrassing.

And now, I dump you!

Joe will be forced
to sit and watch

as someone with cool parents

lives a happy
and fulfilling life with her.

Hi Joe, this is my new
boyfriend, Ostrich Man.

I'm a brooding superhero.

I was raised by ostriches.

THEY are not embarrassing
in any way!

Wish I was
raised by ostriches!

Years later, when Joe
is a superhero himself...

So, I'm the Human Moose.

..The curse of his embarrassing
parents will linger.

- I have super strength--
- Ewww.

Are THESE your parents?

Guilty!

Hey Joe, watch this!

- Oh, almost.
- They're so cringey!

Is that Ostrich Man?

Did you hear
he was raised by ostriches?

- So cool! Is he single?
- No!

So, apparently
we have to go to H12.

My internal compass
says... this way!

- Lily Scott.
- Oh no!

No! No! No!
THIS way, come on!

Joe is... eh, well,
I would say he's

under-athletic.

He'll get there Mr. Gale.

- It's in his blood.
- YOU played sport?

Huh, yeah! Big time!

Not to brag, but I was ranked
fifth in my local tennis league

when I was his age.
Still got the old tennis arms.

- Go on, feel that, Joe!
- Dad!

- Joe loves music, you know.
- Really?

Oh yeah, very musical.

His search history always has

Dua Lipa and Ariana Grande
in there.

- Mum!
- Might have been me!

He's only just started sewing,
but he seems to be a natural.

He'll finally be able
to help sew some of his clothes.

Mum!

Honestly, you wouldn't believe

the amount of holes
this one gets.

I mean how can you make a hole--

- Mum, please!
- On his--

- Oooh, is that Lily?
- No!

Don't worry, Joe.
You don't have to tell her.

Thanks, Dad.

- But... is that her?
- Dad!! No.

Look! Look guys, it's Joe!

Hi, Joe!

Teresa, Janet, has your boy
got a girlfriend too?

- Dad!!
- No, has your Joe?

- You didn't tell us that, bud.
- They grow up so fast!

- Been like this all night.
- Like what?

Feels like yesterday
we were changing his nappies.

Oh, yeah.

With Lily's location unknown,
Joe tries to move swiftly on.

Right, we have
Mrs. Smith at seven.

- Guess we're off.
- See you next week.

Little does he know...

Actually,
we have another teacher first.

[ No real problems.
Nothing to panic about anyway.

Safety momentarily assured...

[ Not always
the most present pupil

..and in the haven
of Ms. Greene's appointment,

Joe plots his next--

- Planning on joining us, Joe?
- Sorry?

- Joe!
- Joe, listen to Ms. Greene.

As I was saying,
is there anything

you want to be when you grow up?

Oh yeah!
I wanna be an astronaut.

Oh? Really?

Yeah, an astronaut.

And there is
no doubt in Joe's mind,

he WOULD travel through space.

Him and his football sticker,

in search of new--

[ Are you serious?
An astronaut would have to

get far better marks
than this, Joe.

- But I...
- Come on, Joe. Listen!

Even if you were a top student,

it's extremely competitive
to get into any space programme.

If you want to be an astronaut,

you're going to have to
work a LOT harder.

Crashing down to earth,
he realises for the first time

perhaps this is true.

Can I go get some water, please?

You may.

] - Yeah, OK.

Oh no!
OK, fine, you've met her now.

Are you happy?
Here she is! This is Lily.

So... yep.

Humanities is just down there
and on the right.

As I live and breathe, Lily!

How are you?

Joe watches in horror.

Unable to speak.

Unable to move.

Certain of only one thing...

..this is not how
things were supposed--

- I found her!
- Oh no!

- She's over here!
- We wondered where you'd got to!

- Who are your friends?
- Mum, oh my gosh! No one!

- Wait! Is this..?
- No!

- Stop being so rude.
- No! No! No!

Is this Joe?

Lily talks about you
all the time, Joe.

You've met.
Can you stop now, please?

It dawns on Joe.
It's Lily's parents.

Aren't you going
to say hi to your boyfriend.

- Don't be shy!
- I'm not being shy!

Our Joe's the exact same.

- Dad!
- It's that age, isn't it?

Please, Mum!

Oh, tell me about it!
All they ever want--

- Mum! Come on!
- I'm leaving!

- She really likes you.
- Dad, shut up!

Bye!

At this very moment, as the dust
settles on Parents' Evening,

it is clear that
THIS is beyond repair.

Hiya.

Alright?

Joe's time with Lily Scott
would be coming to an end.

All he can do now is apolo--

I'm so sorry about my parents.
They're awful.

But instead, Lily does.

What?

They're awful!
I tried to keep them away.

Really?

It occurs to Joe Lily was
as embarrassed as he was.

Yeah, and I get it
that you probably wanna

like... break up now, but...

I just wanted to...

You know...

ME break up?

I was worried about MY parents!

What?! You were?

Yeah! My parents
are SO embarrassing.

Some of the stuff
they come up with!

Mine too!
They're literally the worst!

Wait, so you don't wanna...

Nope.

- Come on, Joe!
- Oh!

Oh.

See ya!

One Parents' Evening down,
and inexplicably intact,

Joe Connolly
puts this down as a success.

So... do I get my footie sticker?

Definitely not!