01x08 - Textmas

[bunniefuu]

'Twas the night before

the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,

not a creature was stirring,
not even a--

HE had the last Choc Ice
and it had MY name on it!

I told you, I. Didn't. Have. It!

AND he's lying!

For Joe Connolly
and his brother,

this is the latest chapter
of many.

At Christmas when Joe was 6,
Jamie hid his teddy bear.

DJ Clive!

The Christmas after,
he retired Joe's fastest car.

- Falcon Thunder! Nooo!
- Whoops.

And just last Christmas, he did
something truly unforgivable.

[ Watch out!
- No!

NO!!

He's alright.

Captain Snowfla--

And now, he has claimed
Joe's Choc Ice.

I did not eat
your blimmin' Choc Ice!

- Well, who did then?
- I did!

I am ever so sorry, Joe,
but I needed it.

Can we move on?

It is Christmas Eve Eve

and things in the Connolly's
are a bit tense.

His Aunt Philippa's
coming to stay

so Joe and Jamie
will be sharing a room.

Aagh!

But, as the rules state,

the room alternates each year
and thus, this year

they would stay in Joe's room.

And Joe Connolly
is king of Joe's room.

You'll be safe here,
DJ Clive.

Joe is ready for anyth--

"Joe Connolly has got a text.

Can you guess who it's from?
Can you--"

Oh my days!

The time is 8:15 p.m.
on December the 23rd

and Joe Connolly has
received a text from Lily Scott.

"MERRY XMAS"!

Lily Scott.
The girl from the disco.

They had shared crisps.
And now... texts.

Following this,
Joe knows just what to do.

And texting
would inevitably lead

to a rich and wonderful
future together... on the moon.

I'm so glad you married
my favourite son--

The evil Christmas reindeer
are attacking again!

This time it's personal,
Blitzen!

Not this year, Cupid!

Woo-hoo!

Woo-hoo!

Joe follows the unusual noise.

It sounds somehow familiar.

It leads him straight to...

Jamie, could you give us a hand?
It's your room.

Oh no.

Sorry, Joe. Your brother
says he has to revise.

So sorry, Joe.
It's REALLY important.

But it's MY turn!

Joe Connolly is outraged.

I haven't time for this.
Your aunt is arriving soon.

Your mum's driving m--

- Door!
- Coming!

This is a gross injustice.

This is a gross injustice!

The rules were stated.

The rules were clearly stated.

Joe Connolly
would not stand for this.

And I will not stand for--

Joe Connolly is staying
in Jamie's room.

- This is your boundary.
- I'm not having a boundary!

It's for your own good.

Inside your boundary,
you can do whatever you like

but you do not
cross your boundary.

I'm warning you,
do not cross it.

Joe Connolly would not bow down
to mere threats.

DJ Clive!

- Joe understands.
- This is my boundary.

- And he knows just what to do.
- I will stay in my boundary.

[ Alright, mate?

Yeah, just logging in.

My stupid brother's here.
Yeah, that one.

- Can I play?
- No.

Joe has agreed
to stay inside the boundary

but like Jamie said, inside
he can do whatever he wants.

Joe Connolly is
the king of his boundary

- Can I play yet?
- No.

- I'm really good.
- No.

- Go on!
- And no.

How about now?

[ Why did you die?

It looks really easy
but you keep dying!

Red leader,
there's a bogie on your 6.

Red leader,
there's a bogie on your 6.

Incoming!

You died.
Can I play?

Go on...

Pleeease.

Let me play?

If you don't stop,
you'll be sorry!

This light switch
is in my boundary

so you can't get annoyed!

OK, everyone.

I'm clear.
I'm going in.

Cover me!

What?! GRRR!

Oh...

I warned you.

I'm inside the boundary!

I'm inside the boundary!
You're in MY boundary! Get out!

] Who's Lily?

Do you love her?

Give it here.

No! And if you
don't stop annoying me,

I'm going to text her back.

If Jamie texts Lily,
Joe's life is over.

But Joe knows
it is not so simple.

You don't know my passcode.

You evil genius.

Now, if you don't shut up
and go to sleep right now,

I'm going to text Lily Scott
and tell her ... you love her.

He has been outplayed.
Joe Connolly will behave.

His plan had worked.

Joe Connolly...

Master fake sleeper.

All he has to do now
is retrieve the phone.

Like taking candy from a baby--

No! Don't!

You should've stayed
in your boundary, Joe!

No!

NO! Give me my--

Joe Connolly's life
has just ended.

I. Love. You.

No, I didn't do it!

I. Love. You. I. Love. You.

I. Love. You. I. Love. You.

- No. No. NOOO!
- I. Love. You. I. Love. You.

- Joe is out of control.
- You've ruined everything!

Nothing can stop him now.

- I'm gonna get you!
- Ow! My toe!

His point now made,
Joe knows it's time--

Sorry! Sorry!
SORRY! SORRY! SORRY!

It is 11 p.m.

Enough! That's the last I want
to hear from either of you.

Any more of this,
and Christmas is cancelled!

As she stands
before them, furious,

Joe knows he should let it go.

Mum's right.

But he can't.

What are you doing?

- Joe's life is over.
- Joe?

He doesn't care
if Christmas is cancelled!

Don't do it!

Or if every Christmas
is cancelled.

I'm sorry!

It's too late for--

"Joe Connolly's got a text!

Can you guess who it's from?

Can you guess who it's from?
Can ya? Can ya?"

- Mate.
- What?

Mate!

"Ha ha. Me too!"

- This makes zero sense to Joe.
- Read the text I sent.

"I love ... UFOs"?

It autocorrected!

It's all okay.

For the first time in
Joe's memory, Jamie is right.

Lily Scott may not love him...

..but she loves UFOs.

Player 2
has entered the game.

How do I jump?

Player 2 is dead.