03x03 - The Ballad of Paladin

[bunniefuu]

[♪ Dramatic string music
playing]

[Rue] Throughout
the history of America,

there have been windows of time
where anyone could strike it rich.

Take the gold rush.

Prohibition.

Cryptocurrency.

It's all about timing.

And Jules had found
her window of opportunity.

[Vivian] It's like dating,
except you get paid.

[Jules] How much?

Depends on how rich they are.

But then, they expect you
to f*ck them.

Yeah, but no more
than any other guy.

[Rue] It all started
back in art school

with her roommate, Vivian.

Hold out for as long
as possible

till the money's right.

I don't know.
It sounds sketchy.

[chuckles softly] Yeah.

Well, the good thing
about rich people

is they actually have
something to lose.

Money.

Besides, it beats
working retail.

Anything's better than retail.

[♪ Dramatic string music
continues playing]

[Rue]
Jules' first date

was with a 48-year-old
lawyer named Rick.

♪♪

[exhales sharply]

[Rick] I don't, uh, normally
do this kind of thing,

you know, so.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

But my, uh, therapist says that
I have severe intimacy issues.

It's not funny.
I-I've never had a girlfriend.

N-Never?

I don't know, I find
sleeping next to a woman

makes me...
claustrophobic.

[Jules laughing]

[Rick chuckles nervously]

So, look.

That's for dinner.

[Jules] Um...

[Rick] But if you want to

[clearing throat] come back
to my place after this,

I could be way more generous.

[Rue]
He had a very specific fetish.

[Rick moaning]

Nylons.

All he wanted was to
lick her tights and jerk off.

[Rick] Oh, you love it.
I know you love it.

- [Jules] I love it.
- [Rick moaning]

All I have to do is see
this guy twice a month,

and he pays my rent?

Told you.

Oh, I'm gonna clean up.

[Rue] There was Randy,
a Hollywood producer

who had a net worth
of 50 million.

Closer to 200 million.
Can't publicly list it.

Don't wanna get f*cked
up the a*s by the IRS.

[Rue] There was Henry,
a run-of-the-mill finance guy.

[Henry] I know the volatility
in the market

has spooked our clients.

We've been doing this
a long time,

- and this is not our first...
- [fly unzipping]

[clearing throat] ...rodeo.
Mm.

[gulps, inhales deeply]

Mm-hmm.

[Rue]
And then, there was Ellis.

A plastic surgeon.

[Ellis]
I do what God didn't.

[laughing]
Same with you.

- That's one way to put it.
- Well, is there another?

We defy the natural order
of things.

Age. Gravity.

- Sex.
- Exactly.

No fun to be helpless.

Mm-hmm, and to not evolve.

When did you transition?

Fourteen.

[Ellis sighs]

That's why you're poreless.
Never went through puberty.

It's beautiful.

Your breasts are natural?

For now.

What would you change about 'em?

I don't know, you're the expert.

From here,
they look near perfect.

Near perfect?

Anything can be improved.

You have a family?

I do.

Sorry if I, uh...

- What?
- Made you uncomfortable?

[scoffs] Oh, I...
I slice women open for a living.

There's very little that
makes me uncomfortable.

Does your wife know you do this?

Go on dates?

f*ck tr*nnies?

[waiter] Dessert?

- [both] Thank you.
- Bon appetit.

You first.

Is it good?

Delicious.

My wife knows I have
certain proclivities.

- Behaviors.
- Behaviors?

Weaknesses.

And she's okay with it?

You marry the best parts
of a person.

Hopefully, you can
tolerate the worst.

That sounds sad.

It isn't.

Do your parents
know what you do?

Go on dates?

Sell yourself?

Definitely not.

What do they think you do?

Go to art school, paint.

Live off $750 a month.

- That seems difficult.
- It is.

Are you good?

At what?

Painting.

Yeah, I... I think so.
Yeah.

What did you think I was asking?

Dad, no, I'm okay.
Everything's fine.

I'm just saying, I don't think

I need to go to art school
to be an artist.

It's like a waste of time.

I make money hostessing.

Literally, all Viv and I do
all day

is she's sculpting
and I'm painting.

And I feel like I'm...
I'm, like, learning more

from just being in my space
and working on that

than like anything that
they're teaching me in class.

[♪ Dramatic music playing]

[Rue] She was making more
money than she ever imagined.

And eventually, he became
the only client she saw.

All her fears about making it
as an artist disappeared.

[plastic wrap squeaking]

[♪ Dramatic music
continues playing]

[breathing heavily]

I just might keep you forever.

[♪ Dramatic music
continues playing]

[♪ Music ends]

[people chattering]

[customers whistling]

[♪ "Boom Boom Boom
by Fatboy begins playing]"

[smacking lips]

♪ The same house
with the same backdoor ♪

[customers hollering
and whistling]

♪ The same secrets
in the bottom drawer ♪

♪ The way back home
was dark that night ♪

♪ Singing be-I-bickey-bye,
boom-boom-boom, let's go ♪

♪ Yeah, let's go ♪

[whistling continues]

♪ Someone's gotta know
what that means ♪

♪ To build a dream
with hammer and nails ♪

♪ Only to see it fade away ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ The way back home
was dark that night ♪

♪ Singing be-I-bickey-bye,
boom-boom-boom, let's go ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

♪ But even so ♪

♪ Rosebuds will grow ♪

♪ Rains wash away
this world ♪

Hola.

[Rue] Yours truly
was working her way up.

First up, we got our G19.

It's affordable, dependable,
with a smooth black finish.

It's the go-to g*n
for the everyday man.

- No muss, no fuss.
- [g*n clicking]

[blows]
It's light as a feather.

[♪ Upbeat music playing]

Now, next,
from our submachine g*n line,

we have the APC.

Now, it's got
a four-and-a-half-inch barrel,

fully deploy able stock, and
it's perfect for concealment,

whether under a trench coat or
maybe for the missus' sundress.

[Bishop] It's affectionately
known as the spray-and-pray.

[Rue] That's right, it's got a cyclical
rate of about 1,000 rounds per minute,

so you're gonna
wanna hold on tight.

♪♪

Ten of those.

Ah. [Chuckles]

See, I knew you'd say that.

But before you make
any decisions,

let me just introduce you
to my personal favorite.

Now, this is for those
who wanna intimidate with style.

Okay, this

- is the AR-15.
- [g*n clicking]

[Rue]
I know a lot of Americans

have very strong feelings
about g*ns.

But if it's any consolation,

the majority of the weapons
I was selling

were headed to Mexico.

Pleasure doing business
with you, hombre.

[customers hollering
and whistling]

[Rue] At least Alamo
appreciated me.

[Alamo] There she is.

My employee of the month.

You know, you said
I'd get 3% commission, so.

[Alamo laughing]

You see, now I like that.

That's that ambition right there.
You keep it up, young buck.

Hey, you know, I'm trying to
work my way up and go legit.

Legit?

Yeah.

So, you don't think, uh,
what you're doing is legit?

[laughing]

I mean, do... do you think
what we're doing is legit?

[Alamo]
Legit's a funny word.

What does it even mean?

I mean, I think it just
means legal, right?

[Alamo] Hm.

[smacking lips]
You know history?

Um, not particularly.

Take the numbers racket.
The people used to run that

out of clubs just like this,

till the government came in
and shut it down.

Said it was ill*gal.
Sent n*gg*s to prison.

But did that make it go away?

- Did it?
- Hell, no.

They just made it bigger.

Mm, took it over for themselves.

Can't set foot in a gas station

or a corner store
without seeing lotto,

- lotto, lotto. [Laughing]
- Lotto. Yeah.

Whole m*therf*cking
lot of lotto, right?

What's that tell you?

I... I don't really know.

What was once ill*gal

is now legit.

- Yeah.
- That's what I was gonna say.

Question is

where's all that money go?

They say it funds
the education system.

[laughing]

That what they say?

Yeah.

And these kids are just getting
dumber and dumber.

Something ain't adding up.

- You know? [Chuckles]
- I know that's right. [Laughing]

- [Alamo] That's what I'm saying.
- Do you have a moral problem with what you're doing?

[scoffs] What?

No, I'm cool.
I'm, like, cool.

- [Alamo] You sure?
- Yeah.

[Alamo] Let me tell you
something, young blood.

Hm.

Come here.

The only thing
that matters is power.

And how do you get power?

Money?

Bingo.
And what are you doing?

Making money.
[chuckles] Okay.

Bingo.

So, what the f*ck
are you complaining about?

Little Miss Legit.

- [banging]
- [squealing]

[dancers screaming]

- [shouting]
- [pigs squealing]

- [glass breaking]
- [dancer screaming]

[people clamoring]

[people exclaiming]

[pig squealing]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[Alamo] Mm. sh*t.

This b*tch done cross
the motherfuckin' line.

The girls, they traumatized.

Technically, they're tit for tat
with the pig.

- We started it.
- We didn't start, she started it.

You happen to notice
who wasn't dancing tonight?

Tish, 'cause Laurie
m*therf*cking k*lled her a*s.

- Fair point.
- It's a beautiful pig.

What that cr*cker-a*s c**t
love most in this world?

[scoffs] sh*t, her La-Z-Boy.

Anybody can get a damn La-Z-Boy.

I'm talking about
breaking her heart.

[Laurie] [endearingly]
I'm a perfect little guy.

Look at this.

- [gasps] What a good day.
- [bird vocalizing]

What a good time out here.

- [bird vocalizing]
- Look at all this. [Gasps]

You're my perfect
little baby guy.

Paladin.

- Paladin?
- It's her parrot.

She has a parrot named Paladin?

Yeah, she loves
that f*cking thing.

[Alamo] Hm.

Maybe it's time
we paid Paladin a visit.

Who invited me to the wedding?

[Rue] Meanwhile,
I had made plans with Jules.

[Rue] Me.

I don't think they're gonna
want me there.

Yeah, well, I want you there.

[Jules] Well, you're not
getting married, they are.

Yeah, but they gave me
a plus-one,

so that means they trust me
to bring whoever I want.

[♪ Dance music softly playing]

Rue, I haven't seen Nate or
Cassie since they graduated.

Yeah, but you're not
going for them.

You're going for me.

I don't know.

I'm your sugar daddy now.

Dress sexy.

[♪ Cheerful music playing]

[Rue] Maddy didn't know
what she wanted more

{\an8}to get in between
Nate and Cassie,

{\an8}or make a little money.

[retching]

- [vomiting]
- Dude.

- Dude.
- [Nate] Hold on.

What's going on?

Something's wrong.

He didn't even
come home last night.

- Wait, where was he?
- That's what I wanna know.

- He's probably nervous.
- About what?

He didn't do anything.
Don't step on the dress!

Fred had diarrhea the whole
week leading up to our wedding.

You think diarrhea's bad?
Try getting a divorce.

[Cassie] Oh, my God, Mom!

[people chattering]

[scoffs]

I can't believe she had
the nerve to show her face.

I saw a little more
than her face.

[whispering] Stop.

[♪ Soft music playing]

I didn't expect to see you here.

I didn't expect to be here.

She's my plus-one.

[Marsha] Who is that?

I think she's an old friend
of Nate's.

Hm.

I don't remember her.

[sighs]

[phone buzzing]

[paper bag crinkling]

She's a good girl.
She's better than most.

[♪ Harp begins playing
"Pachelbel's Canon"]

[hushed whispers]

[♪ "Pachelbel's Canon"
continues playing]

[whispers continue]

[Suze chuckles, sighs]

I remember waiting
to walk down the aisle

towards your father,
just like today...

[clicking tongue]

filled with hope
and aspirations,

and all the smiling people.

They were so joyous.

[officiant]
Please rise for the bride.

[Suze] And there I was

never realizing
it was the last happy moment

I'd share with your father.

[clicking tongue] God.

I looked so beautiful.

Before I started looking like
an anorexic witch. [Chuckles]

Band was playing a happy tune.

[singing "Here Comes the Bride"
melody]

And who would have
expected we'd have such

terrible arguments.

I mean, disappearing
for days on end.

And as I marched down the aisle,

like we're doing now,

it never occurred to me,
the brutality

of the man
that I never knew before.

It's like, how could I be
so naive? Misjudging?

I mean, it's not like
a mistake you can fix.

[sighs nervously]

[♪ String music playing]

[softly]
You are everything to me.

You are my masterpiece.

Go get him.

[sighs]

[officiant] Do you, Cassie,
take this man, Nate,

to be your lawfully
wedded husband

for as long
as you both shall live?

I do.

Do you, Nate,
take this woman, Cassie,

to be your lawfully wedded wife

for as long as you both
shall live?

I do.

Nate, Cassie,
I now pronounce you

husband and wife.

Nate, you may kiss the bride.

[cheering and applause]

♪ When I fall in love ♪

♪ It will be forever ♪

♪ Or I'll never fall ♪

♪ In love ♪

♪ And the moment ♪

♪ I can feel that ♪

♪ You feel that way too ♪

♪ Is when I fall in love ♪

♪ With you ♪

[Laurie]
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

What time?

Okay.

Alright, well, I look
forward to seeing her.

The girl sticks
bowling ba*ls of dope

- up her butthole.
- [dog growling]

[Wayne] Yeah, and then
you put it up your nose.

She ain't the relationship type.

[clicking tongue]

You just mad
'cause I got to her first.

- [dog panting]
- [dog collar jingling]

God damn.

What, she f*ck
all your brain cells out?

No.

I just got off with Alamo.

[scoffs] He appreciate us
returning the pig?

Apparently, he's sending
Rue to do a pick-up.

[Harley]
You don't find that weird?

Well, he runs a whorehouse,

so he's gotta keep
his women doped up.

sh*t, I mean,
maybe we should kidnap her.

- [Harley] That's not a bad idea.
- [Wayne] Why the f*ck not?

[chuckles softly]

Why the f*ck not?

- [Wayne] Why the f*ck...
- [Harley] Could be fun.

I do miss her.

[Maddy] Can't believe
they actually got married.

I thought
it would be depressing,

but I was kind of moved.

Yeah, it looked like
they were in love.

- I like the dress.
- [phone buzzing]

-Yo.
-[Bishop] You got a run to Laurie's.

I'm kind of, like,
at a wedding right now.

[Bishop]
I'm not asking.

Sh... okay, um,
yeah, yeah, no, I'll be there.

Okay.

Hey, Jules, don't hate me.

-What?
-I just... I gotta go. It's a work thing.

-What?
-Yeah, it's fine. But I'll be back.

- We're... no, we're here.
- I know, it's cool.

Don't worry.
You can be my plus-one.

[chuckles]

[people chattering softly]

[Nate and Cassie chuckle]

- [indistinct chatter]
- [photographer] We ready?

[Nate] Pinch your nipple.

- [Cassie] sh*t. [Laughing]
- [Nate] Pull out...

[Rue]
Something seemed off.

I had a hard time believing
it was business as usual.

But it wasn't like
I could say no.

[Nate] You look beautiful.

[Cassie] I look chubby,
it's humiliating.

Oh, no, it'll get thinner
as it melts.

But I don't want my boobs
to melt too quickly.

[photographer]
Right here, guys.

[Maddy]
I wanna go congratulate them.

Maybe wait a few weeks.

I don't want to be rude.

It's not rude.

- Should we go?
- Me?

- Yeah.
- No.

- Come on.
- No.

- Why not?
- [chuckles]

- [Cal] I feel love.
- [Suze] Mm.

Mostly by my scotch.

Oh.

- Oh, look at that.
- Okay, well...

Hey, waiter, round three.

Is that BB?

[Jules] She's pregnant?

How much you wanna bet
she doesn't know

who the baby daddy is?

Hi!

- Hi!
- [BB] I missed you so much.

How are you?

Aw. Did you change your number?

- Mm.
- [glass pinging]

I'm Cal Jacobs.

Most of you know me.

Some have probably
heard about me.

That's the past.

- Alright.
- Get ready to take the mic.

Tonight, I'm the proud father
of the groom.

Nate, you and I
have been through a lot.

We have.

But I always believed in you.

You're a winner.

Look at your wife.

[applause]

I mean, who in here can say
they married better than him?

- Oh, g*dd*mn straight, baby.
- [applause continues]

Alright.
I'm gonna keep drinking.

- [laughter]
- [Cal] You keep drinking.

Nate, I love you.

[cheering and applause]

[singer vocalizing]

[♪ Band begins playing
slow jazz music]

♪ Please, please ♪

♪ Please ♪

- Uh, tequila soda, please.
- [bartender] You got it.

Remember me?

[Cal] How could I forget?

It's not every day you f*ck

one of your son's
high school classmates.

And record it.

Ah. Yeah.

Yeah, I'm... I'm very sorry
about that part.

Are you?

It wasn't for
distribution purposes.

I just wanted
to jerk off to it, you know?

Relive the experience.

When I heard you got arrested,

I kept expecting the cops
to call me.

Yeah, there was a video
I got busted for.

f*cked a guy who was
two-and-a-half months away

from turning 18.

Lied about his age,
just like you.

But somehow, your video
never made it to the police.

[laughing]

Someone must have been
looking out for me.

Can't say the same.

I copped a plea deal,

ended up on the f*ck'
sex offender registry.

So, like, you're one
of those red dots?

Modern-day scarlet letter.

Can't even drive
by a f*ck' school.

Have fun looking
for an apartment

when you're on that list.

I'm surprised you
still talk to Nate.

Ah, it's easier
than being alone and angry.

♪ I love you so ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[phone buzzing]

[automated voice] You're
about to receive a collect call

from an inmate at a California
correctional facility.

Press one to accept the charges.

[beep]

Fez?

Bro!

Bro, I f*cking miss you, bro!

- ♪ Please ♪
- [people cheering]

- [chuckles]
- ♪ I love you so ♪

♪ I love you so ♪

[Cal] I just wish everyone
didn't think I was a pedo.

[clicking tongue]
You do like 'em young.

But legal.

You cut it
a little close though.

Ehh.
Youth is beautiful.

Who wants to f*ck an old person?

I guess sometimes I do.

You don't mind the cellulite?
The f*cking skin tags?

I think I like the perspective.

Perspective?
I call that youthful idealism.

You know, high school,
best years of our lives.

I couldn't disagree more.

Well, for what it's worth,

you still look fantastic.

Thank you.

- ♪ I love you so ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪

- Have fun.
- ♪ Oh, mama ♪

- ♪ Oh, daddy ♪
- [Cal whistling]

[glass pinging]

Hi, um...

[clearing throat] I'm Marsha.
Mother of the groom.

[cheering and applause]

You know, as a...
As a mom of a boy,

you sometimes, uh,
you gotta bite your tongue.

You know, when...
When he brings home a girl

that you know isn't right.

[chuckles] Yeah.

And, uh, that happened.
Yeah.

But then... then he found Cassie.

And we love her so much.

[applause]

And I just wanted to say
thank you, everyone,

for making it here to celebrate

the, uh, new
Mr. and Mrs. Jacobs,

because we're divorced.
[chuckles]

[laughter]

Just... I just wanted to say
I love you guys.

Um, welcome to the family.

Raise your glasses, please.

Love you guys.
Thank you. Mwah.

[cheering and applause]

[guest] When you came down
the aisle, I just burst into tears.

[Cassie] Oh, thank you.

[Nate] So sweet.

Hey.

You know, I've never seen
so many flowers in my life.

- [Cassie chuckles]
- I was just gonna call you back,

but, uh, everything with
the wedding got crazy.

I'm trying really hard
not to be offended.

My invitation must have
got lost in the mail.

Oh, that was probably my fault.

I was doing all the invitations.
What's your name?

Nassim.
Naz for short.

- I'm Cassie.
- Nice to meet you.

Now, but if you
don't know who I am,

how could you be sorry
for not inviting me, huh?

- [chuckles nervously]
- Hey, why don't we go talk

- somewhere privately, you and I?
- Sit down.

Don't you think
it's a little foolish

to throw such a lavish party

when you owe
so many people money?

Up, now.

Alright, what's...?

I just heard Nate owes someone

- a lot of money.
- Owes?

It's okay.
I have the money.

You may have the money.

- I don't have the money.
- What money?

What do you think?

I'm just some punk
that you can bullshit?

No. No, no, no.
No, not at all, Naz.

- Not at all.
- Really? I mean,

I see champagne, I see lobster,
I see black caviar.

We chose the menu
six months ago.

And did you pay for this
f*cking thing six months ago?

- What are you talking about?
- Some guy just threatened him.

He had an accent.
Russian, I don't know.

I promise you, I will get you
every last dollar.

[Naz] You know, you always
promise, but you never say when.

When do you promise?

Because promise without when,

it's just useless
exchange of words.

What is going on?

I... I'm in the middle
of my wedding. [Sniffling]

- [Cassie] Nate, who is this guy?
- It's okay.

[Naz] You know, I used to
be your husband's friend.

Now, I'm gonna become
his worst f*cking nightmare.

[Nate laughing nervously]

[Fred] I'm sure it's a
misunderstanding, sweetheart.

We gave him money.
A lot of f*cking money.

I know, I know.
Let's bring the anxiety down.

Okay? I'll talk to him.

- [applause]
- Enjoy this moment.

It's okay.

It's totally fine.

[camera clicking]

[♪ Tense music playing]

[Lexi]
Hey, is everything okay?

Of course.
It's my wedding day.

Okay. I was just asking.

What a weird question to ask
on the best day of my life.

[chuckles]

[♪ Tense music
continues playing]

[cheering and applause]

[mouthing] I love you.

[singer]
Let's give it up...

- Smile. Smile.
- for Nate Jacobs

and his beautiful, smokin',

hot-to-trot, foxy mama

[cheering and applause]
Cassie Jacobs.

I do not feel good about this.

[cheering and applause continue]

Alright!

What did he mean by nightmare?

Baby, it's nothing.

Just remember your steps.

Smile.

♪ She wears my ring ♪

♪ To show the world ♪

- How much money do you owe?
- We'll be fine, baby.

We just have
to downsize a little.

Downsize?

I do not want to downsize.

♪ To tell the world ♪

[cheering and whistling]

Trust me. I love you.

[music muffling, echoing]

[music normalizes]
♪ This tiny ring ♪

♪ Is a token ♪

♪ Of tender emotion ♪

- ♪ An endless pool of love ♪
- [cheering continues]

♪ That's as deep as... ♪

[whispering]
I don't wanna be poor.

Don't cry. Smile.

♪ She says she'll wear it ♪

[cheering and applause continue]

[music and cheers muffle, echo]

[normal]
♪ With eternal devotion ♪

[guest] Yeah, sexy!

[cheering and applause]

♪ That's why I sing ♪

♪ Because she wears ♪

♪ My ring ♪

- [♪ music ends]
- [cheering and applause]

Escape?

What the f*ck are you
talking about, escape?

How are you gonna do that?

Parkour?
Like the f*cking... the people

who, like, jump off sh*t
and sh*t?

That's how you're gonna escape?

[chuckles]
What the f*ck, bro?

Are you... are you serious?

[chuckles]
Yeah, I feel you.

How 'bout this?
If you do get out

using, what, f*cking park our
or whatever the f*ck,

I'll come pick you up myself.

Bless, bless, one love.
Love you, bro.

Be safe, alright?

[singer] Everybody,
"to the window."

♪ To the window ♪

♪ To the wall ♪

♪ Till the sweat
drop down my ba*ls ♪

♪ Till all these
b*tches crawl ♪

♪ Till all skeet-skeet,
m*therf*cker ♪

♪ Till all
skeet-skeet, g*dd*mn ♪

♪ Till all skeet-skeet,
m*therf*cker ♪

♪ Till all
skeet-skeet, g*dd*mn ♪

When I was in the middle
of construction,

right, they find
a white fritillary,

shut the whole development down.

- A what?
- A white fritillary.

What is that, a f*cking bird?

No, it's a flower.

It's... it's an endangered
flower.

But the whole thing's on pause
so the city can find out

- how to move this f*cking thing.
- One flower?

Oh, it's... it's more
than one flower.

It's like half a dozen flowers.
But I'm... I'm f*cked.

I'm burning through money
right now, Fred.

[singer] Let me hear you
shout, "What, what!"

[guests chattering, laughing]

It's all making sense.

- What?
- You and your little porno site.

I deleted that.

- Nate put you up to it?
- What? No.

He's pimping out his wife
for wedding decorations?

No, I did that.

So, you knew he was broke?

[scoffs] He's broke?

You can look it up,
you can Google it, this is a...

This is a real thing,
a white fritillary.

Can you f*cking believe it?
A flower, Fred.

I don't know
what to believe anymore.

I got a meeting with the P&Z
in a couple of weeks, alright?

We're gonna win
this case, Freddie.

Don't f*cking lie to me.

[scoffs] Hey.

He might owe some people
some money,

but he's definitely not broke.

He's very successful.

He's not. He's successful
at f*cking conning people.

Freddie, say it...
Say it with me.

Say it with me.
f*ck the flower.

- f*ck the flower.
- That's right.

- f*ck the flower.
- f*ck that flower.

We invested
our kids' college funds.

And what does that
have to do with me?

In the meantime, tell your wife,
"Please, just shut the f*ck up."

- I'll take care of my wife.
- Okay.

Alright. Take care of this.

You have my word.

- f*ck that flower.
- f*ck that f*cking flower.

Congratulations, dude.

f*ck.

[engine rumbling]

[vehicle approaching]

[Rue] Nice car.

I'll follow you.

Okay.

[engines revving]

You're not gonna do anything
f*cking crazy, are you?

Define "crazy."

[knocking]

[birds calling]

[g*n clicking]

[Wayne] g*n.

Uh-uh, uh-uh.

That was cute.

Come on in.

[line ringing]

Hi, you've reached the office
of Madeleine Perez.

Please leave your name
and number at the tone...

[door opens, closes]

You are the last person
I expected to be here.

I came here with Rue and Maddy.

Oh.

What happened to 'em?

Rue had, like, a work thing.

And I think Maddy got
a little more emotional

than she anticipated.

You love who you love.

Thank you for coming.

Sure. [Sniffling]

Ruby Bennett.

I didn't realize
you'd be bringing company.

[bird squawking]

Alamo would like you to know

that he could start buying
from your competitors.

He even finds them
less unsavory.

Okay, well, I would like Alamo
to know that I don't care

if he buys from
J. Edgar Hoover.

We're not hurting for customers.

[Bishop]
He prefers your prices.

Then what the f*ck
we talking about?

[Bishop] Quality control.

Alamo insists
we test everything.

Fine by us.

Faye, grab some of the kits.

- [smacking] Go on, get.
- Yo.

[bird squawking]

Faye's allowed in the basement?

Yeah, 'cause that's my lady.

Boy fell for the local mattress.

- [chuckles]
- [bird squawking]

[Bishop] What's this
beautiful bird's name?

Paladin.

Incredible.

[Laurie]
Do you like animals?

I love them.

- [couple moaning softly]
- [kisses smacking]

f*ck, I love those f*ck' lips.

- Mm.
- Bet you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose.

[chuckles]

- You're just jealous.
- [chuckles] Of what?

Catching A*DS?

One more word, I'll knock
your f*cking teeth out.

[Harley] [chuckles]
Okey-dokey, f*gg*t.

[Laurie] We really miss you
around here.

What would it take
to get you to come back?

[scoffs] I don't know.

[Laurie]
Profit participation?

I mean, honestly,
I'm... I'm really happy

working for Alamo.

That doesn't make me feel good.

I'm sorry.

- [bird squawking]
- [Laurie] Remember,

the grass is always greener
by the septic tank.

I don't even believe
in marriage.

A hundred years ago,
they would have sold me

for three healthy cows
and a parcel of land.

Are you a virgin?

It's better than herpes.

[all toasting]

Ahh.

- [chuckles]
- [guests chattering]

[bottle thuds]

You're not who you say you are.

Cass, come on, come here.

You want me to be
the perfect housewife?

You want me to cook, and clean,

- and suck your c*ck?
- Cassie, people can hear you...

I mean, we don't even
have money for food.

[laughing] - [chuckles]
We have money for food.

You're not a man.

Men provide.

Cassie, all... all I do
is provide for you, baby.

- Come on, sit down.
- Oh, so now it's my fault?

I'm the reason you're conning
all of your f*cking neighbors?!

[clearing throat] - Is that what
you're f*cking telling everyone, Nate?

You're just f*cking lying!
All you do is f*cking lie!

You lie and you lie.
Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie!

- [cork popping]
- Ow!

f*ck!

[♪ Band playing
soft rock music]

♪ Want you to show me ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs]

[Aaron]
Dude, I know you're pissed,

but I'm pretty sure
that was just an accident.

It's like a pressure thing,
you know?

Corks just pop off.

- [♪ Dramatic music playing]
- [people cheering]

[flash bulbs popping]

[Suze] See?

Some dreams do come true.

Aw.

[sighs]

I know you're upset.

I just didn't want to tell you
before the wedding.

I wanted it to be the most
beautiful day of your life.

Well, it was the worst.

[softly] Yep.

And I got us into this mess.

Mm, and I promise you,
I am gonna get us out of it.

There is no obstacle,
Cassie Jacobs,

that I can't get over.

Especially with you
by my side, baby.

I... I love you.

I am so grateful
to call you my wife.

And every day, you make me
want to be a better man.

You make me wanna be
a better husband.

And, you know, h-hopefully

someday a father.

[chuckles]

I love you, Cassie Jacobs.

Even if I... I can't see out
of this f*cking eye right now.

Well, you deserved it.

Eh...

Maybe. Maybe.

[grunting]

Now, when we get home...

I'm gonna pick you up.

And I'm gonna carry you
across the threshold,

take you upstairs
to our bedroom,

and I'm gonna make love to you.

If that's okay.

I guess that's okay.

And when we wake up tomorrow...

It'll be a new day.

[♪ Gentle music playing]

[bird squawking]

[Laurie]
What are you doing?

[♪ Tense music playing]

Taking a souvenir.

You name him
after Richard Boone?

I didn't know Blacks
liked westerns.

Uh, yo, Bishop, we're good.

It's not a Black
and white thing.

It's cowboys and Indians.

Civilized man versus the savage.

And which are you?

I'm a m*therf*cking cowboy.

[♪ "Have g*n, Will Travel"
theme song playing]

[♪ Theme music
continues playing]

[g*nsh*t]

[♪ Theme music ends]

[blowing]

g*n, please.

[♪ Western music playing]

Bye, guys.

Good to see you.

[squawking]

[indistinct chatter]

[Nate chuckles] -[Cassie]
[chuckles] That's so mean!

- [Nate grunting]
- [Cassie shrieks softly]

- [Nate chuckles]
- [Cassie exclaiming]

[both chuckle]

[Nate sighs]

[Naz] How romantic.

That was a beautiful wedding.

I didn't want to cause a scene.

Naz.

Can we talk about this?

[Cassie shrieks]

[gasping]

- f*ck.
- Nate?

- [Nate shouting]
- Nate! [Gasps]

- [Nate gasping]
- [Cassie groans]

[grunting]

[blood splatting]

[body thuds]

[kicking and punching thuds]

[grunting]

- [Nate shouting]
- [thug growling]

[Nate] No!

[Cassie wailing]

I'm bleeding!

[continues sobbing]

This is my wedding night.

- [sobbing]
- [grunting continues]

He doesn't wanna
listen to reason.

[Cassie] [sobbing]
He doesn't ever wanna listen.

[wailing]

No! No! No! No!

[Naz] Don't cry,
it messes up your makeup.

[sobbing]
It's already messed up.

- [grunting]
- [metal clangs]

This is so unfair!

[shouting]

- [sobbing continues]
- [grunting continues]

It was supposed to be
the best day of my life.

[sobbing]

[Nate] What are you doing?

[punching thuds]

[Nate] Please, please, please!

What are you doing? No!

[grunting]

What is happening right now?

[punches thud]

[shouting]

[thug laughing]

[Nate] Please!
Please, please, please.

I have your money.
[shouting]

I'm gonna get your money.
Please, no.

Stop.

[screaming]

Please!

I just need a couple of days.
I just need a couple of days.

[Naz] You mean,
like the honeymoon period, huh?

Yes! Yes. Yes.

Unfortunately,
your honeymoon's over.

- [snipping]
- [screaming]

[gasping]

You know, Cassie,
some women inherit wealth,

but others inherit debt.

[Nate screaming]

[screaming continues]

[sobbing]

[door opens]

[water running]

[♪ Gentle string music playing]

[narrator] [on stere] And the
angel of the Lord appeared to him

in a flame of fire
from the midst of a bush.

So, he looked, and behold,

the bush was burning with fire,

but the bush was not consumed.

- Then, Moses said...
- [siren wailing]

f*ck.

[Paladin squawking]

[exhales sharply]

[vehicle approaching]

[whispering] sh*t. f*ck.

[♪ Suspenseful music playing]

[police radio chatter]

[tapping]

Ruby Bennett?

Yeah.

DEA.

Step out of the vehicle
with your hands above your head.

Nice and slow.

[TV playing softly]

[Paladin squawking]

[squawking]

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Where do you roam? ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Far, far from home ♪

♪ Have g*n, Will Travel
reads the card of a man ♪

♪ A knight without armor
in a savage land ♪

♪ His fast g*n for hire
heeds the calling wind ♪

♪ A soldier of fortune
is the man called ♪

♪ Paladin ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Where do you roam? ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Far, far from home ♪

♪ He travels on
to wherever he must ♪

♪ A chess knight of silver
is his badge of trust ♪

♪ There are campfire legends
that the Blade's men spin ♪

♪ Of the man with the g*n,
of the man called ♪

♪ Paladin ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Where do you roam? ♪

♪ Paladin, Paladin ♪

♪ Far, far from home ♪

♪ Far from home ♪

♪ Far from home ♪