01x01 - Eeny, Meeny, Miny, Moe

[bunniefuu]

[baby crying outside]

[door opens]

[loud crying]

[several babies crying]

You'll clean them up, right?

And the wristbands?

I'll put them on in a second.

Don't be stupid. The wristbands

are never to be removed.

If they find out, you'll be fired.

You do remember which one's which, right?

Uh yes yes.

Well, then put them on.

Yes.

Oh

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe

Catch a tiger by the toe

Okay.

Hello, Regina.

A NETFLIX ORIGINAL SERIES

[opening theme music playing]

[growling]

- [babies crying]

- [bell tinkles]

- [school bell rings]

- No, no!

But I let you know.

I told you I was going

to the women's rights march.

- That can't count as absence.

- Still, you missed my class.

But for a good cause.

- Or you think women shouldn't protest?

- [sighs]

You want to be a mathematician?

My class is a big deal.

Stop skipping class.

Sorry, I've been busy with

something else.

Or aren't we entitled

to get pregnant either?

You lost the right to take the test.

I was clear at the beginning

of the semester. Ten absences tops.

Damn oppressive macho.

- Suck it up, and hurry to the test you

- [groans]

What, Mariana? Are you okay?

No, I'm having a contraction from hell!

- [groans]

- Uh

Wait, wait.

[exhales] It's gone.

[liquid splashes]

- Oh, boy!

- [school bell rings]

[friend] Damn it.

Did you pee?

I think my water broke.

You're sh1tting me!

- And why here, dude?

- I don't know, dude.

Okay! [puffing]

- Okay, now

- [Mariana puffing]

Exhale, exhale, relax, breathe.

[Mariana puffing]

- [woman] Our products are top quality.

- [translates in Japanese]

And they're produced

using cutting-edge technology.

And I personally make sure

we build a relationship with our clients

so as to ensure

stock availability at all times.

[interprets in Japanese]

So, shipping product to Japan

won't be a problem.

[interprets in Japanese]

[groans] Oh!

- [liquid splashes]

- Ana?

You're leaking.

[interpreter speaking Japanese]

Careful, Yumiko, someone spilled water.

Though they say water

is good for feng shui, huh?

That's Chinese.

- What's Chinese?

- Feng shui.

Ah ah.

[screams]

- [school bell rings]

- Fill the tub with warm water.

You called the gas company?

Yes, I called them, but you know them,

I'm not sure if they'll come.

Mom, you don't have money, right?

I'll pay for it, just call them.

Please don't forget the clean towels

and the rosemary candles I bought.

And don't even think about calling

that idiot Pablo.

- Promise you won't call him.

- Stop, calm down.

I won't tell him.

I'll see you in a bit, okay? Bye.

Ow! [groans]

- [puffing]

- [whimpering]

Come on!

- There you go, okay.

- [groaning]

I have to run.

Please tell the boss I'll be back later.

- Please finish that half-done haircut.

- Yes.

- Thank you.

- Be careful.

- Yes.

- "Granny."

[laughing]

[screaming]

Call my OB-GYN.

Text my stylist, Jason,

and Frank, the photographer.

Then call my husband

and put him through, okay?

And not a word about this.

Got it? Both of you?

Juan Carlos can't know I'm working.

Don't judge me, Ramón.

No, no, ma'am, not at all.

[sighs] When I got pregnant, by accident

I promised my husband

I'd stop working for a year,

if we had this girl.

Because I wasn't there for the first two.

And

Why am I sharing intimate details

with the two of you?

It must be the hormones.

Call him, okay? Call him now. [groans]

[phone rings]

What's up, Ana?

What? I'm on my way!

Don't worry, man. You are the father.

Tere, Mariana

hasn't taken my calls in three months.

- Do you think she'll let me see the girl?

- Of course.

Just don't show up while she's in labor.

That's when we want to k*ll

the guy that knocked us up.

It's Elena's fault.

Since she hooked up with Mariana

The whole l*sbian thing

is just a phase we go through.

She'll get over it.

- I'll call when the girl is born.

- Great.

- Okay. Bye.

- Thank you.

I'm about to become a dad, f*ck!

- [all yelling]

- Dad!

- Dad! Dad!

- A dad, dude!

[horns blaring]

[coughing]

[horns continue blaring]

[Ana sighing]

What do you mean, he's in Tulum?

No, you don't get it, miss.

I'm about to give birth!

I don't want another doctor.

I want him, Julio, my doctor!

[puffing]

By the time between contractions,

- you're about to give birth.

- [Ana gasps]

- How much longer to the hospital?

- [horns blaring]

According to Waze, one hour 50,

but I highly doubt it.

Oh, unbelievable! [exhales]

I don't care what Waze says.

I'm giving birth at the best hospital,

even if it means I have to close my legs.

- This can't be happening.

- [thumping]

[clears throat]

Roger, what a surprise.

I was just thinking about you.

Oh, I'm glad to hear that, Tere.

You know why?

You have to pay the rent now

or I'll be forced to evict you.

You're not being nice.

Why be that way?

I always dye your gray hair for you.

Plus, I've seen girls

hanging out by your place.

- Bad boy! I'll get jealous.

- No.

No, I mean it, Tere.

The owner's on my back.

I need you to pay the rent.

Oh, my darling!

- Come in, how are you? Yes, yes.

- Tere.

- Tere, no, wait

- Yes, I'll call you.

- Tere!

- Thanks, love. Bye!

- [groans]

- How are you feeling?

- What did he want?

- To have his gray hair dyed.

- Did the gas people come?

- No, no.

Don't worry, the tub is almost ready,

the water's warm. Elena!

Get the rosemary candles

from the linen closet.

- [sighs]

- Oh!

You're gonna be a mom!

[groans] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- I'll go change. [groans]

- Uh-huh. Yes.

And to think, 22 years ago,

you were my baby!

- [groans]

- [laughs]

- Look at us. We could be sisters.

- [Mariana sighs]

That's strange.

They say there's no one with that name.

Maybe she stopped somewhere

to get a blow-out.

You know Mom,

she always has to look stunning.

I don't think so. Jason and Ronald

are here, and she only trusts them.

- Isn't she at the office?

- No way, she's not working.

Siri, how do I deliver a baby

in a car without an epidural?

Cynthia, Siri has never been in labor.

Don't ask her.

- There's a hospital nearby.

- [puffing]

No, Ramón, no

I can't have my baby in this neighborhood.

- [horns blaring]

- My girls were born here.

[screams]

Take this girl out of me!

Now, please!

[horn blaring]

- [tires screech]

- Move, as*h*le!

- [Ana sighs]

- [horn blares]

[woman] I couldn't get out in time.

You can help her while I get there.

f*ck, no, Mom, I can't do this alone!

What if there are complications?

Oh, honey, birth

is the most natural thing in the world.

- [groans]

- Don't resist.

Let it flow.

- Let the spirit of Venus do its job.

- [puffing]

[siren wailing]

Jeez, I have no license.

Oh, no, no!

They'll take Grandma to the impound lot!

- Calm down. Hang up!

- [siren wailing]

Take me to a hospital.

Please! Take me now!

You wanted to give birth here,

with candles and music.

- I got you a dolphin.

- [squeaks]

For f*ck's sake, Mom!

This won't work without Grandma.

Let's go, now!

- Now, now, now, now! Ow, ow, ow!

- Careful, be careful!

[whimpering]

- You really think she'll like it?

- Of course.

- You like bowling, right?

- Yes.

Look, here they come.

Look, here they come.

Breathe, breathe, breathe.

- [puffing]

- [whispering]

- f*ck, what do I do?

- Go talk to her.

[groans]

- Don't go, don't, don't.

- [Mariana groaning]

Oh, you're really something, Teresa!

No, love, don't get mad.

Send the hospital's location

to Juan Carlos.

- Yes.

- And make sure we get a suite

with high-speed internet, okay?

- [puffing]

- How about an ocean view suite?

Huh?

We only have shared rooms, ma'am.

No, what? Can't you kick someone out?

[gasping]

Mom, what was Pablo doing

outside the house?

Mom!

Answer me, Mom!

[Tere] How should I know?

Can't he meet the baby? He's her dad.

No, Mom. Pablo broke my heart.

I was in love and he left me

when I needed him.

- Do you think it doesn't hurt?

- Yes, love.

Ugh. Why does it smell like patchouli?

I'll have an allergic reaction.

- [New Age music plays]

- [phone rings]

It's Yumiko.

She has a question about the contract.

- I said you'd call back.

- I'm fine. Put her on.

- [sighs]

- She says it's quick.

What's up, Yumiko?

The delivery date

specified in the contract,

is it when it arrives in Japan

or when it leaves Mexico?

- No, it's when it arrives

- [Mariana screaming]

Excuse me, sorry! Sorry!

Could you push more quietly?

We are having a very important

conversation with a client.

- We can't hear.

- This is not an office.

It's not an ashram either.

So take your ugly music elsewhere.

Look, ma'am. I want to deliver my daughter

surrounded by peace and harmony.

On second thoughts,

that would only be possible

if you vanished off the face of the earth.

- [both screaming]

- [babies crying]

- [baby crying]

- [Ana] I died.

- I'm in hell, aren't I?

- [man chuckles]

Don't exaggerate, Ana.

No, I'm not exaggerating.

How am I supposed to take

a picture with the baby in this room?

[sighs] What was Regina's Apgar score?

Eight.

- That's what they said at delivery.

- Eight? That can't be right.

My kids only get tens.

I guess they don't know how to score them.

- No.

- And where is the girl?

They took her to the nursery.

Can you go get her? For the photo.

Where are Roland and Jason?

They're outside.

They should get started on my makeup.

Oh, this sucks!

- Can you go get them, please?

- Yes.

Hey

Why where you this far from home?

It's all Waze's fault, honey.

It takes you to random streets,

and then you lose the signal.

It starts recalculating and [sighs]

Ask Ramón.

Hm.

- Go get them, will you? For the picture.

- Yes.

[Tere] Sweetie how do you feel?

Where's Valentina?

They took her to the nursery.

No, Mom. I need them to bring her to me.

The first couple of hours are crucial.

We need skin-to-skin contact.

I have to feed her.

Yes, yes, yes, don't worry.

I'll ask them to bring her. Relax.

How are you doing, dear?

Hey, that ex of yours is out there.

Did you forgive him?

Well, he obviously followed us.

I'll talk to him, don't worry.

[Elena] I'll go with you.

Tere

Uh uh

Look, I'm really sorry

about this whole situation, but

why don't you put yourself

in Mariana's shoes for a second?

[scoffs]

Of course I put myself in Mariana's shoes.

If there's someone who knows

how to be a single mom, it's me.

Well, Mariana has me.

Right.

[PA announcement]

[Tere sighs]

- Hello.

- [Pablo] Hi.

Elena.

It's for the baby

For her to get a taste

of the family sport.

Uh Can I see her now?

Sorry, Mariana doesn't want you to.

- But I am her parent too.

- I know.

But what can I do?

I can't betray Mariana.

I hope you understand, Pablo.

Will you send me a picture?

So I can see her.

I can't.

Forgive me.

I mean it, I'm sorry.

It's your fault, Mom.

Who would ever want to have a baby here?

I told you, we got lost.

Ro, do me a favor.

Take that hideous vase out of my sight.

I can't stand it.

Jason, can we use Photoshop

to change the color, the blankets?

And make it look bigger,

a bit more spacious.

- [Jason] Sure.

- Really? I'm glad.

Here's Regina.

It wasn't easy convincing them

to bring her.

Oh!

[cooing]

Hi, sweetheart!

[cooing]

Oh, you're the cutest thing in the world.

- Oh!

- She has your eyes, honey.

You think so?

No, hers are prettier.

Mine are swollen.

Oh, my baby girl.

[sighs]

I'll be the best mom for you, Regina.

[laughs and sniffles]

- Oh, no, I ruined my makeup.

- [Juan Carlos laughs]

Shall we take the picture?

Yes.

Oh, my baby girl!

[baby fussing]

- Oh, my beautiful baby.

- [baby snuffling]

Latch on, baby.

- She's so pretty, Mom.

- Oh, yes.

She has your Uncle Alberto's eyes,

doesn't she?

- Grayish.

- Yeah.

Look at her tiny feet! So little!

[gentle music plays]

[whispers] She's feeding!

[giggling]

Oh, Valentina.

I promise I'll be

the best mom for you, my baby.

- [baby gurgling]

- [Tere laughing]

[sniffs]

[woman] Every mom wants that.

It's the hospital rules, ma'am.

Do understand, I can't leave

the baby with you all the time.

We need to be together

as long as possible.

Look.

Maternal milk production

is directly correlated

to the amount of times

you hold your baby on your breast.

That's why it's so important.

I don't think it's appropriate

for you to watch videos while you work.

No, they're not videos.

Actually, it's a lactation app.

Don't waste the nurses' time.

They have a lot of work to do here.

- Do me a favor, please.

- Yes.

Dress my daughter in this onesie.

It was washed

with a special hypoallergenic detergent.

My family and I are allergic

- to regular detergent.

- I wasn't wasting her time.

- I have a baby in the nursery too.

- Hmm.

And these bottles have been sterilized.

I'll ask you to feed my daughter

only with these bottles, please.

One never knows

what germs these other babies have.

- Thanks.

- Oh, come on, lady.

The only germ here is you.

I hope your baby doesn't turn out

like her mother.

- Jeez!

- [chuckles]

My Regina will have to try very hard

to be better than her mother.

On the other hand, yours

What's her name?

Valentina.

[mouths]

Ugh! Poor girl.

[chuckles]

Valentina won't have much trouble

being classier than her trashy mother.

Well, you can easily fix trashiness.

Being a b*tch, though

Yeah, you work on that.

Thanks, nurse.

[Mariana] Oh, worse than a witch.

At least we won't have to see

that woman's face anymore. Right, Vale?

- [baby wails]

- Oh, yes, my love.

I'm sorry that her baby will have

to put up with her the rest of her life.

- Let's go.

- Sh, sh

- [baby fussing]

- Sh, sh, sh

[Ana] She was horrible.

Worse than horrible. Obnoxious.

At least we won't have to see

her face anymore. Right, baby?

I don't get why Cynthia was with you

if you weren't working.

Hm?

We were having coffee.

You know

- catching up on office gossip.

- Hmm.

[Tere] The chip must be faulty.

Uh Is there a payment plan

No, ma'am, we don't have a payment plan.

Right, give me a minute. Wait.

- [sports playing]

- [phone chimes]

Ah!

TERE - SHE HAS YOUR EYES!

Look.

sh*t, no.

She looks nothing like you, dude.

Don't be stupid, she's bloated.

Okay

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER,

GET TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.

Where are you going, man?

FOUR MONTHS LATER

[cooing]

TELL YUMIKO I'LL CALL HER

She opened her eyes, ma'am.

Yes, but don't pick her up,

it's not time yet.

- Remy is showing her some cards.

- [baby squeals]

Hello, darling.

Hi, my beautiful princess.

[Juan Carlos] Hi, love.

Done. The school's finally confirmed.

- Great.

- They'll see Regina on Tuesday.

Tuesday?

No, no. It has to be earlier.

It's been four months.

We're lagging behind!

- Four months

- No time for cuddles yet.

She said the same to me, sir.

- When can I pick her up then?

- In 20 minutes.

Twenty minutes.

Remy

Bring the cards, please.

The ones with the circles.

- [Juan Carlos] Aah!

- [Ana] Remy

- [Juan Carlos] Aah!

- [phone ringing]

Hello?

[baby crying]

Which hospital?

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, yeah, but this isn't her.

Who's calling?

[baby crying]

Okay, I'll put her on. One second.

[whispers] The hospital.

- Uh Yes, hello?

- [clicking tongue] So lovely!

Yes, I am her mother.

[man] We are really sorry.

This is a very unfortunate situation.

[sighs]

Who has my daughter?

I mean, the other girl?

Sorry.

You? You again?

[sighs]

- You know each other?

- She's that obnoxious woman.

That's the hag from the nursery.

Uh How could this happen?

We were digitizing all the records and

Eeny, meeny, miney, moe

Catch a tiger by the toe

[man] The head nurse spotted the mix-up.

Of course, we fired

the nurse responsible.

Don't worry, I'll make sure

this is done in a lawful manner.

Fortunately, we caught this on time.

- "On time"?

- Do you think this is on time?

[Juan Carlos] Baby

[footsteps approaching]

Sorry I'm late, I went for coffee.

I'm the girl's grandmother.

[gasping]

[both moaning]

[groans]

Nice to meet you.

We have to run DNA tests

to document this situation,

so we can proceed

to an immediate exchange.

It's what's best for the babies.

[baby cries]

[baby coos]

[gentle acoustic music]

[Mariana]

I can't believe it.

I can't believe you're not mine.

My heart is torn to pieces.

Oh, I feel like I'll die without you.

You are mine.

[sniffles]

[melancholy song in Spanish playing]

Shall I give her the bottle?

Leave me alone with her, please.

[baby fussing]

Aren't hugs supposed to be

in half an hour?

I don't care.

I'm not sure I can let them

take her away from me.

Me neither.

- Come in, take a seat.

- Thanks.

- This way.

- Thank you.

- Hello.

- Have a seat.

- Thank you.

- Good evening.

- Hi.

- Excuse me.

You didn't shave her head?

Her hair will grow weird.

[Ana] Ceci

She's beautiful.

- Do you have a car seat?

- [babbling]

We don't have a car.

- Uh Ramón can drive you home.

- Thanks.

Hello, Regina.

- Hello.

- [woman] We suggest

non-biological families

break contact with the babies,

so they bond with their biological family.

I could take care of both of them.

I could adopt Regina.

Regina is not up for adoption.

Listen, kid.

I imagine you didn't plan

on getting pregnant.

- Neither did you.

- Ceci.

And you obviously

don't have a stable relationship.

Hey. The father couldn't come,

but he's a family friend.

Let's go, Mom.

- Yes.

- No, no, you can't take my daughter.

You can't keep mine either.

I don't want my sister

to leave with the hippie.

Technically, that's your sister.

Mariana isn't a hippie, she's a slacker.

She's not wearing sandals.

Slacker, whatever,

Regi can't go with her.

Ceci, it's her daughter.

This irresponsible child

can't be a mother.

- "Irresponsible"? Disrespectful.

- [clamoring]

I'd never let you keep my daughter.

What's wrong with you?

[woman] Listen now

Stop.

Please exchange the girls.

Otherwise, I'll call the authorities

to force you to do it.

The counselor is right.

[baby squealing]

[gentle acoustic music]

Don't make this any harder, love.

Mariana give her to me.

Darling, please.

Sh, sh, sh.

- [baby crying]

- [shushing]

[cooing]

[baby crying]

- Let's go.

- I'll show you out.

Excuse us.

[baby whimpers]

You said Regina had my eyes.

[baby crying]

[Juan Carlos] It was all a mistake.

I should've never used that website,

but Ana had been working nonstop.

I'm a jerk.

So, you vanished

off the face of the earth.

I found out Ana was pregnant.

No, Juan Carlos,

I'm not asking for an explanation.

You don't owe me one.

In the end, people go on those websites

for one reason or another.

And I'm in no position to judge you.

The truth is, we are free to do

whatever we want with our own asses.

[both laughing]

Tere, you don't know how thankful I am

for what happened.

No one can find out.

Don't worry.

After today, we won't have to see

each other ever again.

Good-bye, Juan Carlos.

Good-bye, Tere.

No.

It's my treat today.

Take good care of Regina.

Of course.

- [baby crying]

- We are all connected ♪

When we look at each other ♪

And when we think ♪

That time won't let us ♪

Fall down ♪

I can picture yourself ♪

On a corner in this town ♪

BENEND BABY - PREMIUM FORMULA

Getting away from the dark ♪

I find you in every track ♪

Of this walk ♪

Like a sparkle ♪

Without end ♪

In the middle of the sea ♪

I find you in every track ♪

Of this walk ♪

- Like a sparkle ♪

- [sighs]

Without end ♪

- In the middle of the sea ♪

- Thanks.

[baby crying]

I find you in every track ♪

Of this walk ♪

Like a sparkle ♪

Without end ♪

In the middle of the sea ♪

- Ooh ♪

- [sighs]

- Ooh ♪

- Mm, mm, mm!

- This one does have my eyes.

- [Tere laughs] Right.

So pretty, so pretty.

A pretty princess.

What are you two doing?

- Hm?

- We were

Once again, I don't want you

in my daughter's life only to bail later.

Will you please relax?

Pablo has been great so far.

- Great?

- Yes.

Great how? By showing up out of the blue?

Pablo paid the hospital bill,

he's been giving me money for the girl.

I mean, for the other girl.

Why?

Because it's my responsibility.

[Tere] And we can't make ends meet!

That's why!

At least we haven't been evicted

for not paying rent.

Why didn't you say anything?

I didn't want to worry you,

you have enough on your plate.

- You think I can't handle it?

- [scoffs]

How much do we owe?

Enough for us to pack our bags and go live

with your grandma in Tepoztlán.

I told you,

I want to stay close to Valentina, Mom.

Move in with me and my roomies.

Oh, for f*ck's sake!

Well, your deadbeat father

never even asked to see a picture of you.

You've been sending him pictures

in exchange for money?

She's his daughter too. Hm?

- [baby fussing]

- You're really something, Teresa.

[Tere] Mariana, get back here!

Listen, Mom,

if Pablo leaves, I'll get over it,

but I can't let him

break my daughter's heart.

And I can't believe you can't get that.

Stay away from my baby.

[Tere] Mariana, please!

Oh!

Sorry.

[baby crying]

The new product is stuck

at the US border, Yumiko.

They're screwing us with import fees.

What do you want me to do?

Can we guarantee a date

for the product to arrive?

Otherwise, we'll have to cancel the order.

We need it as soon as possible.

Remy, please give her the other bottle.

Ana-san. Ana-san?

Is this a bad time for you to speak?

No. There's nothing

I can do about this, Yumiko.

[crying continues]

You said you weren't working.

Honey, no, no.

I mean, I'm not

Come here, baby.

- Shh.

- [crying quietens]

Ana-san?

- [baby wails]

- Ana-san?

Ana-san?

I'll call you back

as soon as I find out more.

- [crying continues]

- [sighs]

Shh, shh.

[crying continues]

Forgive me.

I know I promised I'd stop working,

to spend a whole year

with my daughter and

with my family,

but that's just not me.

Worst thing is,

I don't know who I am. because

On one hand, I'm not the mother

of the girl I thought was my daughter.

And on the other

I'm not my biological child's mother

because I don't know her.

I'm broken up about it.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I'm also very confused about it.

[baby crying]

Come on, time to eat.

Give her to me.

Take her.

[crying continues]

Do something,

she hasn't stopped crying.

Poor thing, she must be hungry.

Hello, my love!

Oh, my beautiful princess!

Oh.

You don't know how much

I've missed you.

- My princess.

- [crying stops]

That's better.

If we all had a boob on hand,

this world would be a better place.

She hasn't stopped crying either.

Oh, my baby. Why, sweetie?

It seems she doesn't like to be held.

Didn't you read the manual I sent?

Regina should only be held

for 20 minutes every two hours.

She's used to it.

Sorry, but I don't believe

in manuals for humans.

Oh, why am I not surprised?

Look, kid,

I won't lie, I don't like you at all.

Or the way you dress.

And you could have a better haircut.

Well, I don't like you either.

And you could use some manners.

[scoffs] Although I don't know

who's worse, you or my mom, seriously.

Why don't you come live with me?

["Flotando" by Francisca Valenzuela plays]

I don't think that's a good idea.

It definitely is a bad idea.

[sighs]

Okay. Rock, paper, scissors?

If I win it's no. If you win it's yes.

Okay?

Okay, deal.

[both] One, two, three.

Rock, paper, scissors.