01x10 - A Real Cinderello Story

[bunniefuu]

Who cares if I got
picked last, right?

I can't believe
I got drafted at all.

Look out, Cincinnati!

Because I am a bad driver.

Jerry, that's the
only video we could find

of Rusty Boyd that wasn't
an ad for an Ohio-based

Hooters knockoff.

Don't be a boob.

Watch the game at Boobers.

It's a real field goal.

And that's what I like
about Rusty Boyd.

He just put his head down
and did the job.

And I think that's why
he never really got

the recognition he deserves.

Do you think he should
be in the Hall of Fame?

- I know he should.
- Come on.

Why are they letting
this clown on TV?

Yeah.

I am not Hall of Fame material.

Rusty Boyd made a ridiculous


That's 'cause
I only attempted 12,

and both of my misses
hit children in the face.

Look, I'll say what
everyone's thinking.

We need more white guys
in the Hall.

Jerry, damn.

I'm out.

Where's the remote?

- It's always under you.
Stand up.

- Under me?
You stand up.

When we come back,
you'll see my sit-down

with Georgia phenom
running back Slacks Madison.

Fine.

How did I not feel that?

Wait, none of these
are for the TV.

They're not?

Five to four.

I win this time.

Even one vote
for Reggie would have

been a win for both of us.

After all, MRD stands
for Monica Reese-Dinkins.

But until that happens, I guess
I'll keep telling clients

that I was married to former
New York mayor David Dinkins.

And, yes, I've had to pivot
away from the Big Four sports,

but I have signed some of the
top handball players in Serbia.

Bella, could you please move?

Oh.

Oh.

Sorry.

You doing a Tic Tac?

OK, I thought I was hiring
a young woman named Bella who,

in retrospect,
had a lot of experience,

but it turned out to be
a very old woman named Bella

who didn't know how to turn off
her Zoom filters.

After my husband died,
I said to myself,

Bella, take a bath
and get out there.

Obviously, the game
Jerry Basmati is playing

with Reggie is cruel,

but what if Rusty actually
makes it into the Hall of Fame?

I mean, as I've said
from the beginning...

Let me guess.

The film will emerge.

I'm sorry, Marty.

Is there somewhere
you'd rather be working?

And perhaps you'd like
to go back to sh**ting

funny airline safety videos
with actual employees

who have no presence on camera?

Yeah, I thought so.

The film will emerge.

Oh, hey.

Hey, yo, there he is.

Celebrity in our midst.

Rusty Boyd!

Hall of Fame, huh?

They making a movie about you?

No, it's about me, obviously.

- Yeah.
He's Dora.

I'm just Boots.

Well, either way, let me
hook up Mr. Hall of Fame here,

on the house.

I gotta go in the back
and get you a couple

of pounds of animal slices.

You know, it really
clicked this morning

that that's what
I've been doing,

selling slices of animals.

Be right back.

Oh, Rusty Boyd.

He's crazy.

I'm not getting in,
and I don't want to.

I mean, I'm not even Boots.

I'm maybe Backpack.

And if it did happen,
I'd be happy for you.

Backpack is important.

It's got Map in it.

Wait, do you guys
watch that show together?

I'm just saying
this is the opposite

of what Jerry Basmati wants.

All he's doing is proving
how strong our friendship is.

- Hey, Rusty Boyd!
You're a lock!

Like the one my ex-wife
put on the shed.

That's my stuff in there!

Hey, Sal.
How's your dead mother?

She resting easy?

You got this.

OK, don't get too excited,

but Slacks Madison
is looking for an agent,

and he wants to meet with me.

- Yeah, that's right!
- Hey, go, Mom!

That guy's a beast.

They saying that kid
is the new me.

So watch out, Monica.

He gonna try to touch
your boob in the back row

at "Ghostbusters II."

And don't worry,
I know the drill.

If anyone asks,

I'm former New York City mayor
David Dinkins.

I gotta admit, at first
I didn't actually believe

it was Slacks Madison
on the phone.

Well, you always gotta
be careful of pranks.

When I was dating Dr. Freak,

he convinced me
I was pregnant with a Chucky.

Pregnancy scare!

OK.

Well, it wasn't a prank.

I know.

This is all your
hard work paying off.

Exactly.

You don't rep any
current football players,

but yet he called you
out of the blue.

It just makes sense.

- Yeah, Mom.
Don't doubt yourself.

I wasn't.

Damn.

The preliminary vote
is tomorrow,

and according to our skeezy - partners at PornBet.
- ba*ls,

the odds-on favorites
for the Hall of Fame

are quarterback
Clark Doorhammer,

center O'Neill Shaquille,

and, incredibly,
kicker Rusty Boyd,

who was only in the league
for five seasons.

Jerry thinks he can get to me
through my best friend?

He's crazy.

Me and Rusty are tight forever.

Yo, Rust, let's go
to that laser tag place

where you sit in chairs.

What are you doing?
- I'm sorry.

This one's too tight,
and now it's stuck.

But why do you have them?

If they think you might
get in to the Hall of Fame,

they send you a bunch of jackets

ahead of time so they know
what size you are.

This is affecting
our friendship.

I don't like the feelings
that I'm feeling,

but I can't help it.

Jerry Basmati's an evil genius.

He manipulated us!

He's like the Gone Girl,

and we're just a couple
of Afflecks.

How can I make this right, Reg?

What's your love language?

Is it words of affirmation?

I love you.

Is it gifts?

Here.

Is it touch?
Here comes touch.

No!

My love language
is acts of service.

That's why me and you are
gonna stop Jerry Basmati

and save our friendship.

Here comes more touch.

- No.
Sorry, Bella.

I said I'm not using any
Reggie Dinkins materials

in the pitch.

In 2020.

But we didn't have the funeral
until '21 because of COVID.

I get that MRD is small,
but small things can be great,

like those bottles of booze
on airplanes.

That's all you need.

It just means Slacks
would get more of my time,

and time is money.

And money never sleeps, so...
transitive property...

time never sleeps.

I drank a lot of coffee
this morning.

Maybe this is actually
Monica's story

and her improbable return
to the top.

But also, it's still about Rusty

and his improbable rise
to glory.

Oh, and then there's Brina,

whose career has really
started to sing.

I don't know.

I guess I could do
the closing credits like...

♪ We've been waiting for the end ♪

♪ Now it's here, let's begin ♪

♪ We had a couple Ls

♪ But two Ls make a win ♪

♪ The fall and rise of everybody ♪

OK, so I know how
to stop Basmati.

I call him up.

I disguise my voice.
I say...

Oh, hello.
It's me, Jeff Bezos.

Fancy a trip to space, do you?

But then we build the rocket.

Nah, man.

We don't actually
have to stop Jerry.

We just need to make
you unelectable.

But he's a straight
white dude in 2026.

It's much harder for them
to get in trouble

than it used to be.
- Yeah.

Which is saying a lot,
because it's always been hard.

Ready for lunch, Reg?

'Cause of your tummy, I had
her make one without any...

Mustard!

I know how to destroy you.

MRD Sports Management
is a global brand

with clients in dozens of
current and former countries

from Serbia to Kyrgyzstan
to Genovia.

MRD clients are at
the top of their game.

Oh.

Sorry.
Those are my grandsons.

But look at those faces.

Yeah, I say we keep it in.

Monica, you remember
my assistant, Shane.

Mr. Hu took me shopping.

I assume you're in town
to pitch Slacks Madison.

Well, you'll be surprised
to know...

You're meeting with him?

What? Huh?

You? But how?

Psych. Pretending.

Slacks Madison didn't even know
who you were until I told him.

This is my move.

Before I date someone,

I hire a guy who's terrible
at sex to sleep with them.

Then I get in there,
and they're, like, grateful.

How bad is that guy in bed?

You wouldn't believe it.

So bad.

And that's what
you're gonna do for me...

make me look amazing.

I mean, you can't even talk
about your most famous client.

This is fun.

Shane, what have we not covered?

Ooh. Um, let's see.

Oh, did you tell her
that we only came here

to get in her head
so she totally beefs her pitch?

No.

Thank you, Shane.

Monica, I only came here...

I heard him.

Just get the hell out of here.

That's where I wanted
to go anyway.

It was so great to see you.

Bye.

What a cute couple.

Rusty, your road to Canton's
been a real Cinderello story.

That's Cinderella for boys.

Thanks, Brett.

I'm just here to say one thing.

Kendrick Lamar,
I have beef with you.

You're short,
and your ears stick out.

And it's not cute.

And you're bad for hip-hop.

I'm better than you
at rapping, you see?

They're not like us.

Well, you not like me.

Come at me, man.

I dare you, and we'll let
the internet pick a winner.

- Oh, God.
He dropped.

Kendrick dropped already.

Dad.

Rusty,

I love you,

and I hate myself
for feeling this way.

But I can't live
in your house anymore.

I'll pack my food and go.

Monica, you look terrible.

It'd be sexist of me
not to tell you that.

Here's what's going
to happen, Barry.

I'm going to go into that room,
and when I come out,

I'm going to be
Slacks Madison's agent.

Oh, OK.

And I'm 6'4",
and this isn't a wig.

That's how insane you sound.

If she can actually
pull this off,

then that is our Rudy moment.

Not literally because
the movie "Rudy" is a lie.

They carried him off
the field as a joke.

Look it up.

Oh, Monica, Monica.
Oh, how did it go?

I left it all in there.

- Great.
Good for you.

No, I left
all my stuff in there.

I tanked so hard.

I left behind my computer,
my bag.

My phone and wallet are in it.

Poured coffee on myself.

I don't care.
I'll shave my head.

Start over.

OK, maybe the documentary
is about me not knowing

what the documentary is about.

Hmm?

What do you want, Basmati?

Nice try with Kendrick.

I heard he started wearing
your jersey on tour.

Reggie must be so happy for you.

- He is.
He got me balloons.

- Oh, I love balloons.
Let me see them.

I sucked
all the helium out of them,

so you missed it.

And I can still stop this.

You know I don't deserve it.

- Why not?
You meet the requirements.

You've been retired
for five years

and received
a post-season honor,

the 2004 Pro Bowl.

Only
because all the other kickers

got a foot fungus at a hot tub
party that I wasn't invited to.

- Sorry.
Read the rule book.

Damn it.

Oh, I'll read
the rule book, Jerry.

You OK, Reg?

Brina, whatever you do,

don't play professional football

and be just OK at it and then
get into the Hall of Fame

because that might
come between us.

I try not to limit myself.

But OK, baby.

You were right, Brina.

I got pranked.

- Oh, no.
Was it a Chucky?

I wish.

It was a Barry Hu.

I keep talking about
getting to this next level,

but maybe this is my level.

Guys like Barry win
because they're ruthless.

I couldn't even dump
Reggie Dinkins.

Thank goodness you didn't.

Without you, Reggie'd probably
be one of those guys

who sits in his driveway
in a lawn chair

and comments on stuff,

and I do not want to marry
a driveway lawn chair guy.

Yeah, that would be my deal.

I'd be like, ooh,
someone's in a hurry!

OK, I'm sorry, but Monica,

you should not want
to be like Barry.

The fact that you kept Reggie

and you kept a gorgeous roof
over his head...

I wish my roof got
to hear you say that.

He's very insecure.

That means you are better
at this than Barry.

Reggie is not
a liability, Monica.

He is proof of what you can do.

Which means you shouldn't
pretend I don't exist.

And I shouldn't pretend

to be a deceased
former New York City mayor.

- Exactly.
You should be proud.

You've kept this deadweight
afloat for 20-plus years.

You was a mess, too,
Arthur Tobin.

Yes, I was, and Monica
didn't give up on me either.

You came and got me
from a bus station.

I've never been to one of those.

What do you wear?

Right.

Reggie, you're gonna
need to put shoes on.

For you, Monica...

I'll try.

You're crazy, man.

Slacks, hold up.

I'd really love
the opportunity...

Reggie Dinkins?

Yo, this is Reggie Dinkins!

I'm a huge fan.

Seriously?

I... I mean, obviously.

Look, I modeled
my whole game after you.

I do all your moves
like the "Go away, you!"

You ever do the...

"Don't take my football, you!"

Yeah.

Look, Mr. Dinkins,
if it's cool with you,

can I get a selfie?

Absolutely.

Hey.

Slacks, I think
you know my agent,

Monica Reese-Dinkins.

Sorry.

I finished all the champagne
on the elevator ride down,

but I'll be happy to open
another for my newest client.

What's he doing here?

I don't know what
she's told you,

but this isn't the dead mayor.

I'm here because
despite everything,

Monica has always stood by me.

She might not be as
successful as you.

Obviously.

Look at my watches.

And I know I remind her

of all the stuff
that's gone wrong.

But she's never
blamed it all on me

or pushed me away like
I'm some kind of...

Rusty, what have I done?

I've abandoned my boy!

Man, I wish I would
have known he was with MRD

before I made my decision.

Well, when you get sick
of hearing this guy

talk about how much
he loves Miami...

Oh, you gotta go.

The parties are so loud.

Give me a call.

Monica!

I forgot you drove.

Rusty!

I'm sorry, Rusty!

Rusty?

"I've decided to end it all."

Oh, God.

No.

I think the note
is very clear, Marty.

I'm going to end it all,

"it" being the nonsense
with Jerry Basmati.

What else have we
been talking about?

I don't have time for this!
I have to go end it all!

- Mr. Basmati...
- Good afternoon, friends.

Look, I can't comment on how
I'm gonna vote in there,

but I don't want to
disappoint you.

So I will sing the 1976
disco smash "Car Wash."

♪ At the car wash ♪

♪ Diggity diggity dink ♪

♪ Workin' at the car wash, yeah ♪

♪ Whoa
Hey, Basmati!

What...

- Christmas morning!
- Oh!

Let not your anger blind you,

lest you become like
a beast of the field.

Just made that up.

It's OK.

I won't press charges.

You and Dinkins ain't getting
out of this that easy.

You told me to read
the rule book.

Rule 12, Section 2, Article 17.

Use of a helmet as a weapon...
immediate disqualification.

Yeah, from the game, man.

Where does it say that?

That's not possible.

It just says disqualified.

It doesn't say from what.
That's idiotic.

You never should have told me
to read the rule book, Basmati.

This some straight
"Air Bud" bull.

Hey, did you talk to Rusty?

No.

Well, I know it's
not the Hall of Fame,

but this was a good day
for all of us.

- That's the spirit.
We have a lot to celebrate.

Come on.

To life.

No, no, no.
Don't worry.

This is just ginger ale.

Life.

Dad, you took a picture
with Slacks Madison?

That is so cool.

You took a picture
with Doja Cat's

brand assistant's boyfriend?

He looks so...

Stop.

Just...

I wish I could enjoy this,
but Rusty...

Is right behind you.

What are you doing here?

I live here because
I'm no longer eligible

for the stupid Hall of Fame.

Oh. Of course.

"It" was Jerry Basmati's plan,
and you ended it all.

And the red stuff on the note...

Was jelly!

Oh.

Maybe touch is my love language.

Basmati.

- Ice cream truck!
I mean, Basmati!

That's his car, but where is he?

He's in your house, dinkbags!

What are you doing here,
Basmati?

Your boy here foiled my plan
to get him in the Hall.

But guess what?

I get the last laugh 'cause
we still voted today.

And you didn't make the cut.

Not even close.

Oh, look at that.

The last page... Reggie Dinkins.

You only got four votes, chump.

- Oh, baby!
- Hey!

You got votes!

Four votes? Four.

- Four votes?
Four.

Wait, is that what
she just said?

- No, no, no.
No, stop.

Stop being happy.

Can I get a "four votes"?

Four votes!

To hell with this jubilation.

Bye, Mr. Basmati.

Mister?

You shouldn't respect me.
Why you respecting me?

I... I don't.

Now get out of here, sir,
and have a safe trip home.

Your boy is weird, Dinkins.

Yay!

Four votes!

- So what?
Are we done?

Is that the end of the movie?

Film.

And, no, I actually think
this is just the beginning.

I think all this time was
just getting us here together.

Monica, do you remember
what you said to me

at the bus station?

This could be a win-win-win.

Well, I did not
really believe that.

At the time,
I just wanted my job back.

But now I am starting to.

Yeah, we are not those
same people we were then.

And I think if we continue
to our own selves be true,

it really could be
a win-win-win.

Win-win-win.

Did I get everyone?

No, actually, you didn't.

So we're not gonna stop now.

We're just getting started.

- All right.
Let's run it back.

Stack, stack.

So how has everyone
been handling

farting on camera?

'Cause I've been going
into the woods.

You got my hoodie all
smelling like vanilla.

I had to tell my dad
it was from baking a cake.

- That's such a dumb lie.
He's gonna want a piece.

He did.

So I had to actually
bake a cake.

It was so salty.

Well, my dad found
the rose you gave me.

I said it was a prop
for the talent show,

so now I'm doing a one-woman
"Beauty and the Beast."

I'm coming to that.

- No, you're not.
He'll be there.

- D, who you talking to?
I heard a boy.

Where is it?

No, Dad, I'm talking to Olivia.

Then where'd she go?

Olivia!

Why do I know that couch?

- Good night, everybody.
- Good night.