02x06 - Let There Be Loaf

[bunniefuu]

[dogs screaming]

[ship crashes]

[opening theme music plays]

♪ Dig this
We're the last hope of the human race ♪

♪ Embark on a journey ♪

♪ Into outer space ♪

♪ Blast off, there's no going back
We're on our way ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

♪ Woo! ♪

♪ Dogs in Space! ♪

[tranquil music playing]

[snoring]

[groaning]

[groaning continues, gasps]

Ahhh! Ladybug! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

[groans]

-[whistling]
-Ahhh.

[sighs]

Today's the day.

[vibrating]

[gasps] No, it's not!

♪ sh**t into the moon
And through the sunlight ♪

♪ Bouncing 'round that
Hyperspeed in no time ♪

[sighs] I'm not getting
sucked into space today. No, Sir.

[sighs]

Another day, another doughnut.

Loaf to crew, can I get a status report?

[Ed] Nice of you to show up, Loaf.

Our status is that we're about to land.

How come Loaf can show up late,

but I get in trouble for tying Chonies'
ears together while he's sleeping?

[Chonies groaning]

It's okay, Loaf.
All eyes on the mission today.

Our lives may be in your hands.

[static on radio]

Loaf? Loaf, hello?

Are you eating chips into the mic again?
Loaf?

[muffled] Sorry, everyone okay?

[female alien] Everyone is just peachy.

For now.

Hello? You there?

Say something.

I'm sorry, I think you have
the wrong number. Okay, bye.

[female alien] You don't wanna
hang up on us, Loaf.

We got eyes on your crew.

Blasters pointed.

If you don't do exactly as we say,
I'm afraid we're gonna have to k*ll 'em.

[chuckles] Sorry. I know that's a bummer.

A bummer?

It's a full-blown mishap!

Why are you doing this?

We're pirates. Hmm.

I'm Tontun. And we want that giant
space cruiser you're on.

It looks fancy.

We like fancy.

Plus, our ship's seen better days.

[sputtering]

You want the M-Bark?

[nervous chuckling] Trust me, you don't.

The M-Bark is junky and, uh, smelly

and, uh, we got nothing fancy.

[female announcer]
A reminder for Fancy Friday.

The cafeteria will be serving
Wagyu beef over a white truffle sauce.

[Tontun] Yeah, we heard that.

Listen, we only want the ship,
and we don't want it to get all bloody.

So just do what we ask

and we'll safely drop all your folks off
on the nearest planet. Capisce?

How do I know you're not bluffing?

What? You don't trust us? Okay.

[beeping]

Well, what a delightful
and peaceful mission.

Ooh, a butterfly!

-[gasps]
-Ahhh! Dead butterfly!

Laser blast, take cover.

Oh, no!

[Tontun] That was a warning.

Next one won't miss.

So you gonna cooperate now?

Yes, yes. I'll do whatever you ask.

Okay. All we need is for you to switch off
the external security cameras

so no one can see us coming.

We'll handle the rest.

I-I can't. I don't have clearance.

Okay, if that's how you wanna play it.

[lasers firing]

-Ahhh! Ahhh!
-Should be safe in here

until we can assess what that blast was.

Uh, Ed, that pimple is glowing.

Pimple? Impossible.

I have a very thorough skincare regimen.

Oh, weird. It's on your arm now.

Oh, can I pop it?

Please, please, please, please, please!

That's not a pimple. It's a laser sight.
They're back. Run!

[screaming]

Loaf. Come in. I need you.

Need me? Present. Danger. Aliens. Run!

I'm fine. It's Friday.

What? Are you okay? Loaf?

-Loaf?
-[Tontun] Don't try to respond.

I cut the line.

I need you to stop panickin',
or we're gonna have a problem.

No panicking. Yeah, copy that. Mm-hmm.

Just, please, don't hurt my friends.

[groans] Why does bad stuff
always happen to me?

I don't know. Relax.

You were the first comms officer
we were able to intercept.

Now stay on the line at all times,
so we can be sure you're not betrayin' us.

Try to warn anyone,
and your friends go splat!

[crying]

[sighs] Okay, I'm en route to security.

Lovely.

So, Loaf, what do you do for fun, hmm?

Tell me, or I'll blast your friends.
[chuckles]

Kiddin'. But not.

[nervous chuckling]

Uh, well, I've been, uh,
taking personality quizzes,

soap carving, oh, learning ballet,
fantastic for my posture.

I also dabble in poetry.

Poetry, huh? I dabble in couplets myself.

Read me something, will ya?

Okay. [clears throat]

Father, fear me.

I am yesterday.
I am the soil beneath your feet.

Once I was a pup.

You got anything that rhymes?

No!

[Tontun] Okay. I'm sorry I asked. Geez!

No, I mean, I'm at security now,
but there are dogs inside.

[exhales] What do I do? What do I do?
What do I do?

What do I do? What do I do?

[pops]

[gasps, screams]

[crying]

Guards! Someone k*lled
my balloon children.

You have to find the perp.

I'm in, but I don't know
which wires to pull.

[Tontun] Hmm, that sounds like
a Loaf problem.

Huh?

-[Loaf crying]
-Ugh.

Are you cryin', Loaf?

You kiddin' me?

Yeah, I am kidding.

[fake laughs]

[crying]

Ugh! Grab a camera,

film some footage of space being
all space-y and whatnot, and loop it.

Quickly or I blast the cute bug-eyed one.

[clicks]

Ahhh!

[groans] We'll get
that balloon popper later.

[exhales] Okay, I did it.

I did what you asked.
Now can you leave my friends--

-[gasps]
-[siren blaring]

[male announcer] Attention! Code Red.

Unidentified alien in our trajectory.

Prepare defenses.

And don't panic!

[screaming]

[Tontun] You betrayed us!

Eh, and here I am thinkin'
we developed a rapport.

No, no, no. I did what you asked.

So, my thumb may have got in the way
when I was recording.

May have? It sounds like your thumb
definitely got in the way.

But I did technically replace the footage,

so, uh, we all good then?

No! Time for your friends to meet Megan.

-[beeping]
-Megan is what we call our laser beam.

And she's really hot.

-Wait, wait, I can fix this.
-[Stella] Loaf.

Answer me, Loaf!

Don't try to respond.

-[Loaf] Loaf here.
-Ugh.

And everything is great. Super peachy.

-[screaming]
-No trouble at all.

Loaf, where have you been?

We're stuck in a labyrinth,
and not a fun, hedge maze-y one.

Loaf, look at the aerials and tell us
how to get out of here, please.

Ahhh! Go left.

[panting]

[grunting]

-[rumbling]
-Run!

Okay. Looks like your friends are getting
themselves k*lled, with or without me.

I'll give you one more shot.

Any slip-ups, they get k*lled with me.
That makes sense, right?

[crying] It does, thank you.

Okay, new plan.

Disable the ship's weapons
and detain the guards. Got it?

Uh-huh. Piece of cake. Do it all the time.

[door opens]

[sighs]

Will you talk to me? Distract me?

Uh, tell me why your ship sucks?

So, the Rigatoni got sucked into
a space tornado recently,

and our electrical system is held together
with spit and chewing gum.

-Literally.
-[crackling]

So, let me assure ya,
we got nothin' to lose if you fail.

I won't fail.

[gasps, gulps]

You can do this, Loaf.

[grunts, farts]

Huh?

[grunting]

Hmm.

Take that, fear of heights!

Oh, no! I forgot about
my fear of the dark.

[gulps]

Ahhh! Ladybug! Ladybug.

Ladybug? Geez, I don't know
if we're at nickname stage yet, pal.

[gasps] It's just a speck of dirt.
It's not real. It's not real.

[whimpers]

Loaf, we're in over our heads here.

Which way do we go
that won't get us k*lled?

I don't know. Uh, just trust your gut.
You got this.

[Garbage] My gut's telling me
that you need to tell us where to go!

[Tontun] Loaf, stay on task.

Hey, Loaf. What's taking so long?

I'm working on it! [yelps]

Aliens spotted in the atrium.
Has big, furry, and doggy wrists.

-It eats dogs!
-[gasps]

All right, move everybody. Move!

-To the atrium. Now!
-Now! Go, go, go!

I don't wanna die.

[Tontun] You make it to engineering, Loaf?

Yup. In here now.

Great.

Now take down those weapons.

[dramatic music playing]

[guard] No aliens in here.

All clear.

[whirring]

-Hey, let us out!
-[knocking]

I'm sorry.

[crackling]

Guards are detained.
Mission accomplished. I did it!

[chuckles] You sure did.

[screeching on radio]

What do I tell the dogs?

Tell 'em, a bunch of space pirates
convinced a cowardly dog

to hand deliver them a shiny new ship.

That's what happened, right?

As long as everyone's safe, I guess.

Are we almost done here?

[Tontun] Now you gotta open
the hangar door and let us in.

Then your pals will be A-OK. Ciao.

[clamoring]

[screaming]

[siren blaring]

-I'm sorry everyone.
-[static on radio]

[Nomi] Nomi to Loaf.

We could see our way out,
no thanks to you. Over.

[grunting]

And Loaf, I know you don't do well
under pressure,

but you gotta step up.
I know you can do this.

You're right. I can do this.

[sputtering]

Finfun, I think your days of hand-cranking
the engine are over.

[whirring]

Hey Loaf, thanks for the warm welcome.

Now, if you wouldn't mind steppin' out
of our way so we could--

Actually, I would mind.

-[growling]
-I'm not scared of you.

I mean, I am. I'm scared of everything,
but I'm no coward.

I faced more of my fears today
than I have in my entire life.

But you know what frightens me
more than anything?

Failing my friends.

[growling]

Well, congratulations.

Your biggest fear
is about to become a reality.

Where'd he go? Where'd he go?

[whimpers]

[screams]

[groans]

[exhales]

For the M-Bark!

[screaming]

Seal the holes. Now!

-[nervous chuckling]
-[screeching]

[beeping]

[screaming]

[exhales] You ruined us, Loafy.

That's what I get for being nice.

[screaming]

And don't ever try to set foot
on my ship again!

Uh, Loaf, who are you talkin' to?

[sighs] Space pirates
tried taking the M-Bark.

Threatened to blast you guys.

Space pirates?

[chuckles] Fun!

No. No, not fun. Very, very terrifying.
They had lasers aimed at you and--

Or the M-Bark's running a security drill,

and you forgot again.

Hey, next time you need an excuse
for not doing your job, come to me.

I've got plenty of believable lies.

No! It all happened.

I climbed through vents, hacked security
and disabled the power cords.

[siren blaring]

Was Loaf telling the truth?

-[laughing]
-Not a chance.

-Come on.
-Good one.

[heroic music playing]

♪ sh**t into the moon
And through the sunlight ♪

♪ Bouncing 'round that
Hyperspeed in no time ♪

♪ Made my decision
Gonna search every star ♪

♪ I'm on a mission
For a perfect tomorrow, oh ♪

♪ Float away, float away, float away
Float away with me ♪

♪ In every corner of the galaxy ♪