01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

- Oh. Oh. Mm.

- Sorry. Sorry, sorry.

Tunnel vision

staring down this long road.

You might as well,

when the night fell, be underground.

Shaken,

waking

back into a nightmare.

I'm swimming from

the centre of a black hole.

Loving liars

reaching out with both hands.

If they aren't right

- Aah!

- Oh!

then what the hell do I know?

How was that sleep for you?

Hmm

Three out of 10.

Huh. That's higher

than I thought you'd say.

That's good.

That f*ck' yappy dog.

Ohh.

- That f*ck' yappy fly.

- That fly. That f*cking fly. Oof.

This change ♪

I swear to God, my Instagram

algorithm is predicting that I'm having a girl,

cos I'm only getting suggested

girl clothes.

- Crazy!

- I know!

And if they have genuinely figured

this out and spoiled it for me,

- I am gonna sue Mark Zuckerberg.

- What?

- Yeah, I seriously am.

- Do you know, also,

I'm getting sent heaps of clothes

with rainbows on them,

which makes me think they've

also figured out that I am g*y.

But they have not figured out that

my l*sbian girlfriend is also pregnant,

so in that sense,

we have outsmarted Zuckerberg.

- Huh?

- I made you some toast.

Whoa.

- Where are you going?

- Why are you dressed like that? - Like what?

Like one of those boys who hang round the

car park at the supermarket and yell things at me?

- Are you going somewhere?

- Um, yeah, I just

I don't wanna feel pregnant today, so

I'm just gonna do something for myself.

Oh, I didn't realise we had a choice about

that. Um, it's the organic baby sale today.

I- I sent you a link about it.

Oh, oh, the little clothes that make

babies look like little graphic designers.

- What time is it?

- Uh, it starts at 9,

- so I've made you some toast. You can have it in the car.

- Oh, can we go later?

- Um, no. No, we really can't.

- See, their stuff is very expensive,

like, more than I would spend on myself,

and apparently, people just go crazy for it,

so I was thinking that

we go early, skip the line.

Man, I just- I feel like I need to move

my body, you know? Like, do a class.

- Like, a class, like, a gym class? Like, physical exercise?

- Like, body flow.

- OK, body flow - what's that?

- Oh, it's yoga.

- OK. It sounds really good.

- I suppose I could just

- go to the sale on my own.

- You want me to come?

- No. No, no. It's good. It's good.

- It's healthy. This means that we are

both doing what we want to do,

and we are both allowed to do that.

OK, you're doing the thing where you

speak your feelings like you're a robot,

which makes me think

maybe you're not OK with me

- I'm just trying to practise our non-violent communication, actually.

- OK.

- But sure. You know what? Just- You go.

- OK.

But just- Can you just, like,

be sensible and not, like- - Yah!

- Don't- Yeah, whoo-hoo. That was a good one. And just eat something.

- I will.

I love you, and I love that you support me,

and I support you, my lovely human girlfriend.

Om! Mm! Om!

Love you!

- Are you all good?

- Hmm? Me? - Yeah.

Yeah, good, good, good.

- How are you?

- I'm good. - Oh cool.

Just keeping things

pretty chill today.

- Just chill, chill, chill.

- You know

chillaxin'.

Why is Steph

pretending to be relaxed?

I don't know. Steph's trying to

get my attention about something.

- What? No, I'm not. I am sa-weet.

- Everything is just, like,

- cool bananas.

- Hold on, babe. I just caught you staring at that window

like a sick, old dog.

Yeah. Nat was, like, supposed to come

with me to the organic baby sale today,

but, um, apparently, she doesn't feel like

being pregnant, so gonna have to go on my own.

I was just hoping for some backup,

because the vibe is gonna be murderous

Like, dog eat dog.

It's b*tch on b*tch.

It's, like, the most intense

environment you'll ever be in.

Wow. Will there be any,

like, home decor there?

- No.

- Mm. Skincare?

- No. - Bedding?

- Yeah!

- But for adults? - No.

- Mm. Then nah. Sorry.

- OK.

- I'll come.

What? At the sale? Seriously?

Yeah. I'm into the idea of fighting off

sleep-deprived mums for cheap baby clothes.

Yes! I've got a list, so we'll just

be in and out, like, quick as a flash.

OK, sweet. Ooh! This kinda taps into

my competitive side, but in a healthier way.

Oh, Johnny. Yes!

- Gonna make a great team, Steph.

- I'll- I'll come.

- Yeah. I'll come.

- You just said you didn't wanna come.

- Yeah, but I should.

- I should come.

- OK. Well, great. Come along!

- The more the merrier. Go, team!

OK, we're going to the sale!

So, you, get dressed.

You, in the car, Johnny -

Five minutes. We're off!

- Five minutes?

- Oh, what? OK.

Nama-slay. Ladies,

this class is 60 minutes

of low-impact flow

working consciousness, presence

and mindfulness.

This is body flow

It's a chance for us to be.

For what are we but, um

- human - beings.

- Beings.

- Beings.

- Yeah, that's right.

Hey, wow. Blessings, sis.

Stand up for me.

- Me?

- Yeah, stand up.

Wow. A human growing another human

just blows my mind.

- May I?

- Uh- Uh

Ohh. Whoa.

You know, I never underestimate

the power of, um, wahine toa.

- Thank you.

- I want you to take it easy today, OK?

Oh, I'm just quite- - We'll have a few options

for you as we move through together, yeah?

Well, no- no, I don't wanna take it

easy. I wanna go- I wanna go hard.

- I'd like- I wanna go hard as-

- All right, everyone. On your feet.

- Breathing in through our vaginas

- What?

And out into

the presence of now.

Oh wow. You were not kidding

about the vibe in here.

- Yes, Naomi. I-

- I have the organic muslins!

- I feel like someone's gonna get shivved.

- Oh my God.

OK. OK, let's do this. So

I need you to put your hands, like,

really deep inside all the boxes,

like, right down to the bottom,

cos there will definitely be

really good stuff hiding right at

the bottom. And I also got this tip-off

that sometimes the sizes

get really mixed up,

so that means you have to look through

every single one - like, every single box.

- Wait, is all of this just for baby clothes?

- Organic baby clothes, Johnny.

And these b*tches will stop at nothing,

which means that we have to be ruthless.

- If it's the right size, you get it.

- God. Thank God you're off caffeine.

OK, so, Johnny, I want you

on rompers, playsuits and leggings.

- Sure. What are those?

- It's all on the reference sheets.

- Oh. Jesus. Impressive.

- Yeah, I would've got it laminated, but I ran out of time.

Lily, I would like you on blankets,

swaddles and wraps.

Right. That all sounds like

cafe food.

And I will do everything else. So

shall we meet back here in 25 minutes?

- Yeah.

- OK. Let's do this!

- Ooh, that is a bit of me.

- That is cute.

I reckon that could fit me.

Um, excuse me.

Excuse me. Do you-

Would you like this?

Yeah, just go really deep in there. That's

amazing. I don't know how you're doing it.

Phenomenal form, sis. Wow.

Um, hey, Blair?

You think I'm gonna be able to do

some of the more active stuff

rather than just sort of

sitting here and breathing?

Why don't you just, um, spend this

time just focusing on your breath, eh?

Think of the breath as

a river mouth, widening and opening.

Is the water deep? Is it cold?

Was that a question? I don't

really know what you're saying

or how to answer that.

- Mm. I'm sensing a

- spiritual block.

Is there a door that you can focus

on opening just to allow yourself

to be present

and in this moment with us today?

Nothing you're saying is making

sense to me. I'm so sorry. I don't

OK. Hey, everyone, why don't we

just allow ourselves to be open and free?

Be vulnerable with yourselves, OK?

Just- Just let it all out.

Whatever that noise

sounds like to you.

OK, so I want everyone to breathe in

through their vaginas

and out through their trauma.

Aaargghh!

Dad, why did you leave me?

1 to 2 years.

2 to 3 years. Oh, hey.

Um, I am just looking for rompers

aged 0 to 3 months.

We were hit really hard

this morning.

Like, an ambush of feral pregnant women

that will stop at nothing to get what they want.

Sorry, yes, Naomi? Yes. Coming.

OK.

Oh, that's mine! That's my box.

Yeah, that's that's all my box.

Yeah.

Keep your wits about you. Steph.

You are surrounded by thieves.

- I just found this whole box on that back table.

- I think they're trying to hide stock for later on.

Seriously? See, I knew it. I knew

that sales assistant was gaslighting me.

Johnny, this is excellent work.

Thank you.

- Hey, I spied some lambskin booties back there too.

- Did you?

- Yeah.

- OK, go. Go and get them. Go and get all of them.

Yeah, yeah. But do it

really stealthily!

- Right.

- OK.

- Ooh, hey, Johnny!

- Johnny. You know what?

I thought this was gonna be so boring, but I have

made, like, four friends and a couple of enemies.

- But hey, do you think Steph would like this?

- Ohh, that's cute.

Oh, but these are domes.

Nah, I think she wants buttons.

- OK, check you out.

- Shut up.

I feel like you're really

coming into your little daddy era.

Oh. Hey, did you know that babies, when

they sleep, they have to wear these little mittens

over their hands so they don't scratch themselves

with their tiny little fingernails? Oh my God.

- Wow.

- Got a lot of good scores in here.

- Yeah.

- Mm.

So when are you two

lovebirds due?

- Oh, no, no, sorry. This is-

- Oh, um, three months to go now.

- Oh wow.

- Yeah. It's one of those surprise babies, you know?

It's like, 'Whoo! Hello!' But yeah,

that's why it's not so obvious,

- cos it's actually growing up the back, up my spine.

- Yeah.

Oh. Um, wow. Congratulations.

- Hi!

- Hey.

Well, I hope Nat's body flow class was

worth it, because this has been incredible!

OK, everyone, give her some space.

I just wanted to move. I just wanted to move

my body. That's all I wanted to do this morning!

- You're not giving birth, are you?

- No, I'm having a panic attack!

OK, well, maybe just

focus on your breathing again.

That's what gave me

the panic attack in the first place!

You know what? I need to

go and get some fresh air.

Look, you just need to

flow through the block.

No, you need to stop making up yoga poses

and just get a modelling agent. You're gorgeous.

Nama-slay, nama-slay, nama-slay.

- Wow. That is some

- negative energy there, eh?

Not ready for motherhood.

Oh my God. I think that was

literally the best day

I have ever had in my life.

Look! Look at our bounty!

I still stand by just chucking them in little

uniforms every day, right, like the von Trapps.

- God, look at this one.

- It's so cute!

Such a good find, eh? Although I did

have to steal it from someone when they

Oh, that doesn't matter. They

obviously didn't want it enough.

And I'm so glad I did actually

treat myself to this.

- Yes. Me too.

- It looks incredible on you.

- Mm. Thank you.

- Feels incredible too.

How was body flop?

Body flow.

- Body flow. - Flow. Sorry, flow.

- Yeah. Body flow was good.

It was hard. You know, good kind of

hard, which which I like.

Great. Well, that's really

good. I'm really happy for you.

Cool that you guys went to

the, uh, sale together.

Yeah. I couldn't have done it

without them, because it was pretty wild.

Mm. I just didn't realise it was gonna become,

like, a group shopping spree without me, you know?

Babe, you specifically said

that you didn't wanna come.

- Oh!

- Ooh.

In through the nose,

out through the vag*na.

In through

the nose, out through the vag*na.

- Is that what you

- learned at body flop?

- Not now.

- Fl- Flow. Flow. Body flow.

OK, OK. How about we just try

sleeping in separate beds?

Absolutely not.

Please. Just for

a good quality sleep.

- Are you breaking up with me?

- What?

- In small, manageable steps so I don't notice?

- No.

First, it's separate beds, and then it's, like,

separate family, separate living arrangements

OK, OK. How about if we just

have separate duvets, then?

No.

- Just share everything.

- It is how they do it in Scandinavia

- Throughout Scandinavia.

- Don't bring your European influences into this bedroom.

- What do you need from me? What do you want me to do?

- What do I need? OK.

I literally need more room

and to not feel you move, so

OK. OK. We can do this.

Watch. I'll just go all the way

to the side here.

How's this? It'll be like

sleeping with a statue.

- OK, fine, fine.

- But if this doesn't work,

and I still don't get a good night's

sleep, I am putting my foot down tomorrow.

- Stop talking to me, weird lady. I'm a statue.

- Ugh.

Wow, that was

- a really long night.

- Mm.

- I think our bed's getting smaller.

- Yeah, definitely feels like that.

OK.

Let's do this.

You OK being pregnant today? Cos

I've been hogging the role lately,

and you deserve some time

in the limelight.

You're so good at it,

though, you know?

You're like the star of antenatal.

Everyone wants your autograph.

Well, that may be true, but you

still need to learn how to do it.

Nah, I'll be all right. You're going through it

first, so I'll just do what I did in high school

- Look over your shoulder, copy your homework.

- Why are you resisting this?

I just

hate sitting amongst that group

of straight women, you know?

- They all look at me with that weird smile.

- What smile?

And I feel uncomfortable.

OK, well, don't worry about them,

cos this is for us,

and we are swapping roles, OK?

You're just jealous of the rapport I

got with the lads. My ante-nate mates!

- My ante-nate bros!

- Yeah, that's it. You really got me there.

Now, support people, make sure you're

really supporting your partner's back, OK,

allowing them to fully relax.

Oi. You're supposed to be

my support person.

- Sorry. Yep.

- I thought the whole point of this was that I have a go this time.

Yep, it is.

What are you doing?

- What?

- What are you doing?

- Oh, I was just giving these a warm wash.

- Pardon?

A warm wash.

I dunno. I just thought

Nat and Steph could use a hand.

Oh. But they're brand-new clothes,

right? Like, isn't that the point

of buying new clothes?

You don't have to wash them first.

- You are such a rookie, mate.

- Honestly. Look how little these are.

I can't believe their tiny little

bodies actually fit into these clothes.

- What are you doing?

- You know what I'm doing. It's a chicken.

- Because you're clucky.

- OK.

My midwife's getting me in for a stretch-and-sweep

next week. She's got these massive fingers.

Honestly, it's like five sausages at

the end of a slab of steak or something,

and I'm like, 'Is that thing

gonna go inside my body?'

Bro, that game was so good.

- 'Ooh, I have.'

- I did. Yeah. Exactly. - Yeah.

Not talking sports and barbecue

with the boys this week, Nat?

No, no, no, no. I thought I'd just, you know,

hang out and learn about the sweep-and-stretch

and the old hypnotising

birthing and the- - Hyp-no-birthing.

- That. - Hypnobirthing, yeah.

- Must be kinda nice

having a partner that's actually going

through it too, and at the same time.

- Yeah

- Yeah.

- Sort of. - Yeah, no. Yeah, you would

- I guess.

- Think that it is. And it is in

- in some ways.

- And then in others

- Many ways. And

- not so much.

- More challenging as well. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Yeah.

But there's no one more empathetic,

right, than another pregnant woman.

I mean, take Mark. He has got

no idea what I'm going through.

He tries to be all supportive, and it's just- Ugh.

It's so annoying to me for some reason, you know?

- Got your cup of tea

- and your favourite biscuit.

Well, did you get one

for these guys?

- Oh, no, that- that- I'm fine. I'm fine.

- Nah, I'm good.

No, it's not. What do you want?

- Um, maybe, like, a herbal tea, if there is one.

- I'm on it.

Oh, I'm good, bro. Thank you.

See?

Ugh.

- He's on the couch at the moment, so at least that's something.

- Is he?

- Oh God, yeah.

- You have got to put yourself first.

If I wasn't getting sleep at the

moment, I'd actually k*ll him.

- They only had peppermint.

- I hope that's OK.

- Oh, yes, totally fine.

- Thank you so much.

It's actually not OK, Mark.

- I'm kidding.

- Oh.

Or am I? Aargh!

- Ooh.

- Oh. Whoa.

f*ck.

Mm.

Babe, I'm sorry. I- I feel

so unsexy at the moment.

I feel like a ham-filled roll

that's been in a cafeteria window,

like, all day in direct sun.

Beth said that it would be

a good idea for us.

Tell me honestly.

Do you actually have

any sex drive at the moment?

- No.

- Are you just doing this to be good at antenatal?

Yeah.

Then we're fine. We'll just

have sex when we're horny, OK?

Night.

This frickin' bed Ugh.

So uncomfortable

No, no, I can't stand it.

I am putting my foot down.

I am on the verge of having

a complete mental breakdown.

We have to put ourselves first. And I

just cannot do this for one more night.

Oh babe.

- No.

- Yes. We need to sleep. We need to be in separate beds, Nat.

Steph It just

It makes me feel like

we're in a bad place.

Nat. Please.

Look at me. Look in my eye,

and now tell me

Do you really think

that we're in a bad place?

- No.

- OK.

- Well, that's good.

- Mm.

So let's get some sleep.

- Just one night?

- Yeah, just one. Just one.

- OK. We do need sleep.

- OK.

- Thank you.

- No, no, no. It's

I'll go. I'll go.

I can sleep in Johnny's room.

I'll make Johnny give me his bed.

He can sleep on the couch.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

Goodnight.

Yo.

Yeah. All good.

One sec.

- There you go. All yours, mate.

- Thanks, mate.

- You OK?

- Yeah. We're just tired.

Mm.

OK. Sweet dreams.

- Don't go through my stuff.

- Oh, I will. Can't wait.

- Night.

- Night.

I was tempted

Ooh, ooh.

tempted by your smile.

I was tempted.

Ooh, ooh.

And for a little while,

I was certain

Ooh, ooh, ooh.

that I will be

the one to change you,

and you will be mine.

You will be mine.

- Comfy?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

OK.

Just come crash with me.

I was tempted.

The promises, the lies

- just keep hurtin'.

- They just keep on hurtin'.

- Hey.

- Hey.

Please.

Welcome.

And you won't be mine.

No, you won't be mine.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Well, that didn't last very long.

Feels weird going to bed

without you.

I know.

I just wanted to say goodnight.

Goodnight.

Night.

I love you.

How could I believe you

fooled and ashamed?

I was tempted.

Ooh, tempted.

But tempted I'm no more.

I attempted

Ooh

what was never done before.

Drop the curtain.

Drop the curtain