01x05 - You Are a Skilled Mentor by Nature

[bunniefuu]

♪

- I just can't believe
things ended with Rene.

He was perfect.

- But you said he was
too similar to you.

- But my type is me.

- Maybe you just need
to get back out there.

- I'm terrible at meeting people. I
don't know where I would even start.

- Let's see.
- Okay.

♪

BOTH: Nice shirt.

- Maybe start at
the grocery store.

- [sighs] I guess
I am low on milk.

- That's the spirit.
[both laughing]

It was really good to see you.
- You too.

- Good luck out there, Evan.

Cute shirt, by the way.

- Oh... thanks, Maggie.

- Hi, can I help you?

- I love when dino
nerds get together.

- I know, right? Wait,
how did you know that?

- Oh, I just saw it.

- You... You just saw it?

- Yeah, in my head.

That's why I'm here.

I think I'm psychic.

And that's the look
I saw you'd have.

♪

- So, tell me more
about your visions.

- Well,

I thought freshman year
was going to be my year,

and then the visions started,
and totally ruined my vibe.

But I feel like a freak.
I have no friends.

I'm like Lindsay Lohan in that
Y2K movie about mean girls.

- Oh, that makes me
feel old but go on.

- I just feel so alone.

And I don't have anyone
else to talk to about this.

Not even my mom believes me.

She just doesn't understand me.

Nobody does.

- No, I do. I was just like you.

Except I had a choker and two
tiny strips of hair right here.

- So, how did you end up so...
cool and normal and pretty?

- Retinol?

And I found people
who believed me.

Like, I had my best
friend, Louise,

who everyone thought was crazy
even without the visions,

and my psychic mentor, Angel,

who everyone thinks
is crazy with visions.

- Oh.

I wonder where I could
find a mentor-like sitch.

- Oh... [laughs] No, that's...

No. You definitely...

Trust me, you do
not want this sitch.

I am still deep in the
"figuring it out" stage myself.

So, let me connect
you with Angel.

He is going to love this.

[blows raspberry]
Angel, come on!

- Did I eat a bag of
pita chips last night

'cause this is a hard pass.

- There are only a
few of us out there.

We owe her our guidance.

- "We"? She didn't walk
through my beaded curtain.

- Angel, I've always thought of
us as a sort of Sonny and Cher.

- Uh-uh, do not use
my culture against me.

Maggie, do you have
any idea how busy I am?

I have a full book of clients.

I gotta go to Costco and
Walmart, but for different needs.

And I am on a kiwi cleanse

that has my energy levels
at an all-time low.

Why don't you help her?

- 'Cause I hardly know what I'm
doing. I can't advise someone else.

And what if I say something
wrong and I mess her up?

- You can't mess up a teenager.
That's their parents' job.

- Okay, well, I don't know
what to tell this girl.

- You'll figure it out.

Now, go on now.

I don't want you here when
I... eat all of these.

- All of 'em?
- All of 'em.

- Yeah, I'm out.

♪

Did you know Mean Girls
came out 18 years ago?

We're officially old.

- Yeah, but who cares? I
mean, we look incredible.



- Could never what?
- Yeah, you get it.

Okay, um, I gotta run. I'm
teaching candlelit yoga at five.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Bye. Have fun.
- Bye.

- Bye.

- Hey.
- Amy, what's wrong?

- Well, I may have just
tapped someone's car.

- I couldn't get
it back on, babe.

[gasping]
- Oh my god, Amy, you're the worst driver.

- That's a whole bumper.
- Did you leave a note?

- Of course, I left a note. I
have pre-written ones in the car.

I feel... terrible.

Things with wheels
are very hard for me.

- Lucky me. That's how
we met at Burning Man.

- Aw.
- She ran over me with her bike.

- I did.
- Love.

- I hope it wasn't one of your neighbors.
- Someone hit my car and stole my bumper!

[gasps] Who leaves
a pre-typed note?!

"Sorry my car wanted to smooch
your car. Smiley face emoji."

[scoffs] If this guy's not
hot, I'm gonna be pissed.

[phone ringing]

- Go for Amy.

♪

- Big news.

I heard you don't have to rinse rice
before you put it in the rice cooker.

Gert told me that.
- Oh, who's Gert?

- Jack, I've told you who
she is at least five times.

- Oh, right, Gert. Sure, yeah.
- Yes, Gert.

- Yep. MARIA: Good old Gertie.

- Gert, Gert, Gert.
[phone dings]

MARIA: You know Gert.
Little Miss Gertie.

Gertie Gert.

Oh, interesting. You both
have texts, and I don't, hm.

- Oh, sorry.

I'm texting with this high
schooler. They text a lot.

- I would've thought
you'd go older.

- No, Mom, no. I, I
met this girl earlier.

She, um... she just
started having visions.

She's actually the
same age I was.

- Oh, her poor mom.

It's no picnic
raising a psychic.

No woman needs her teen daughter

forecasting her hot flashes
like the weather report.

- Mm, that was actually helpful.

- I actually think it's, um,
it's a lot harder for the kid

than it is for the mom, no?

I mean, especially when a certain
person doesn't believe you.

- Oh, sure. I get it. It's
all the rage to blame Mommy

for everything these
days, isn't it?

"Mommy didn't get me.
Mommy has no boundaries.

Mommy's the reason
I'm in therapy."

- Mommy was the reason I was
in therapy. She made me go.

- Okay, voices are raised.
Time to smile and nod.

- Well, I am sorry I took
you to a top psychologist.

He was featured in an
in-flight magazine, Maggie.

MAGGIE: I just wished that
I could have talked to you.

I mean, thank god I
had Angel and Louise.

Otherwise, I would've
been completely alone.

- Well, I did the best I could.

It's not like there's a book
on parenting a psychic child.

Jack, back me up.

- Honey, am I not
smiling and nodding?

- She always does this.

She always makes
everything about her.

- Don't bring your
father into this.

- You literally just brought him into this!
- Well, I can't say anything right!

- Ugh.
- I would like to announce

that I have officially
lost my appetite.

- Yeah, so have I.

- Well, mine's more gone.

- You win.
- Okay. I won.

Everybody hear that?
I'm the winner!

- Honey, if you've
lost your appetite,

why don't ya leave that plate
here and I'll finish it?

Or I'll just eat it up
there on the counter.

That's fine.

♪

[exhales]

VOICEMAIL: Leave
a message. [beep]

- Hey, Abby, it's Maggie, um.

I thought about it, and I
would love to mentor you.

You know what? I'm just
gonna sh**t you a text.

Probably don't even know
what a voicemail is.

MECHANIC: There you go.
- Thank you.

Oh, I am so sorry, Louise.

I can't believe it's gonna take two
weeks to get a part for your PT Cruiser.

- My girl was all-natural.
She never had any work done.

She was the Meryl
Streep of cars.

Ugh, this sucks.

- Are you mad at me? I hate
it when people are mad at me.

It's like the opposite
of my kryptonite.

He loved kryptonite, right?

- I honestly don't know
anything about Batman.

- Well, wherever you need
to go... I will drive you.

- No, it's fine. I'll just
take an Uber. They're reliable.

- Absolutely not.

They're terrible
drivers. Come on.

Milady, your chariot
awaits. [thump]

Oh no.
- What was that?

- Do you mind handing me
one of those "oopsie cards"?

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick.
- Okay!

- Thank you.
- Did you just... do that?

- Sure did. Sorry!

- How is your car in
pristine condition?

- So... how was school today?

- Well, I went in with our plan to
talk to one new person, and I did.

- Look at you. You're
practically a politician.

- But then I had a vision of them
flossing their teeth with a piece of hair,

and called them
gross to their face.

- Well, that's still progress.
You said hi to someone.

- I didn't say hi. They said hi.
I said gross. Then I ran away.

I'm hopeless.
- No! You're not, you're not.

And you're gonna find out that
literally everyone is gross.

You just can't let your
visions overwhelm you.

Remember, they're in your
head. Nobody else can see them.

Gimme your hands.

♪ Light music plays ♪

Oh... he's cute.

- Who?
- Oh, you'll find out.

It's best to let the
future unfold on its own.

BEN: Let's all put
our thinking caps on.

- Oh, is that... Ben?

Ben is your teacher?
- Yeah.

Mr. Morales is the one
who recommended you.

He's the best.
- Yeah.

- I actually see you guys together.
- What? No.

He has a girlfriend.
I have a boyfriend.

- No. I mean, I see you
guys together in the future.

You're dancing.
- What?

What do you mean? Like, like...

What do you mean? Like, dancing?

- You just told me to let
the future unfold on its own.

- Damnit.

I'm too good of a
mentor. [laughs]

- One more question.
- Yeah.

- Do you know how to see
boys you like in the shower?

- Now we're talkin'.

♪

Uh, what are you guys doing here?
Ugh, are you moving the cat again?

- No, a coyote took
care of that for us.

There was a leak, so being the
good landlords that we are,

we're digging up every
sprinkler in the lawn.

Why don't you join us? Come on.

Mother Nature loves
a good massage.

- Oh, Jack, you're bringing up mothers.
I think that's her trigger word.

- Oh, good, so you didn't
hear a word I said?

- I heard you attack me in my own home
in front of my rotisserie chicken.

- Doesn't matter. Clearly,
you will never understand.

But you know what is helpful?

Helping someone else
not feel the way I felt.

- Well, you can blame
me all you want,

but if the pre-teens on TikTok
have taught me anything,

it's that I should never
be ashamed of my journey,

and I have what is referred
to as a "dump truck."

- Glad you listen to someone.

- Oh, I can't win with her.

She gets me all tongue-tied.
- Oh, honey, come on.

Maybe it's not about winning.

This isn't a board game, you
know? It's the game of life.

♪

- Oh, Ben, hey.

- I have some of your mail.

Could be good news or bad news: one
of your friends is getting married.

- Oh.

- How did we both make
mistakes?! You slept with my mom!

- Ooh, yeah, don't think
that's gonna work out.

- Bad news it is.

- By the way, I have been working
with one of your students, Abby.

- That's great! I,
I was afraid to ask.

I didn't know if there was a
psychic-client confidentiality.

- Oh, crap. They're gonna
take my crystal ball away.

- Uh, I've actually
noticed a change in her.

She spoke up in class today,
which was really impressive.

I mean, she was so nervous that
she... used a weird accent, but.

- Aw, well, thank you for believing
in me enough to send her my way.

- Of course.

♪

- Appreciate you driving
me to the dentist.

- You're welcome. Of course.

You know, I'm just really loving
this one-on-one time this week.

Thank god I hit you because
I am obsessed with this.

- Oh, yeah, me too.

Let's keep our hands on the wheel, though, huh?
- Oh, yeah, okay.

I still feel really bad
about what happened.

- Oh, you really don't
have to keep saying that.

I got your text last night,
and the one before that.

- Um, so let's listen
to some tunes, shall we?

What are you vibing
to right now?

Like, country, rock, country
rock... pop, funk, funky pop?

- The radio in the PT's
been broken for years,

so I'm just used to practicing
my affirmations in the car.

- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.

You know, I, I could teach you
how to do some affirmations...

- Ooh, okay.
- If you'd like?

- Sure.
- Yeah? Okay.

I am, I am focused.
- I am focused.

- I am calm.
- I am calm.

- I am capable of driving a car safely.
- I am cap... That's... Say that again.

It's too... That was too many words.
- I am...

♪

- So... you knew I was
gonna help Abby all along?

That's why you said no.

- I wouldn't have done it regardless.
- Mm-hm.

- This cleanse is k*lling me.

- Okay, so you know you're
eating a tube of innards.

- Even God rested once a week.

- Well, well, well.
This is a nice place.

- Hello, Ben.
- Hi.

Have we met?

- I, um... That is what I
call every straight man.

You know, like, "dude," or
"bro," or, "Ooh, those shoes."

- So, what are you doing here?

- Uh, Abby told me to tell you
that she can't come anymore.

- What? Why?
- She didn't say,

but from one teacher to
another... I think she needs you.

She looked upset.

- Don't look at me. I am on
a private journey right now.

♪

♪

- Abby!

- Maggie? What are
you doing here?

- Oh, just childless-ly
loitering outside of a school.

- [chuckles] I'm
usually the weird one.

- Ben told me that you
can't come anymore,

and you weren't answering
my calls. I, I was worried.

- Sorry. My mom found out I was
seeing a psychic and totally freaked.

She grounded me and
took my phone away.

I keep looking at my
hand and nothing's there.

- I'm so sorry, Abby. I hate
that I got you in trouble.

- No, it's okay. I'm just bummed
we can't keep seeing each other.

You were the first person
who made me feel normal.

- Well, that's why it's important to
have somebody who understands you.

Honestly, I... I'm disappointed.

You're like my little
psychic sister.

- Yeah.

I'mma sneak out to see you.

- Oh... that... No, um...
- No, no, no!

- That's not what I meant.
- I've been waiting

my whole life to do this.
I'm, I'm so excited.

- Abby...
- I've never had anywhere to sneak out to before.

[car honks] Oh,
that's my ride.

See you later! Bye!
- Oh, uh...

Oh, I'm goin' to jail.

- Not for this.

- Wait, what?

- Beep, beep!
- Oh, holy crap!

- I'm just dropping off a little "thank
you for not being mad at me" gift.

- Oh.
- Here you go.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

- Whoa.
- Well, I'm here.

Do you want me to
give you a lift?

- Oh, thanks, but, um, I'm good.
- Over here.

- Just walking.

- Well, not anymore, you're
not. Let's go. [chuckles]

- No, Amy, I'm, I'm, literally,
just going for a walk.

There is no destination.

- Okay, well, I'll join you.

- Uh, you're wearing heels.

- You're carrying
that big thing.

- Okay.
[clinks]

I, I have to be honest
with you, all right?

Uh, look, if your anxiety
makes me feel like this,

then I'm terrified to think about
what it must make you feel like.

- Ugh, it's not that bad.

It's just I have a little scared Amy
trapped inside my head, running around...

Being chased by
a Big Amy saying,

"You're not good enough. You're
the worst. Nobody likes you."

- Yeah.
- And she has a knife.

- Oh... Okay, look, I'm worried
about regular-sized Amy.

Your anxiety is next-level.

I was the same way when
I was in med school

before I became a yoga
teacher, so I, I get it.

- You went to med school
to be a yoga instructor?

- No, you know what?
Just follow me, okay?

- Okay.
- I'm gonna teach you a little trick

on how to relax.
- Okay.

- Take a finger, put
it here. Breathe in.

[inhaling]

- What do I do? I can't
breathe. What do I do?

- Switch and breathe out.
- Okay, oh god.

[exhaling]

Sorry, if I think too hard about
something, I... I can't do it.

- Mmm. Like driving.

- Exactly. Exactly like driving.

I need to distract
myself behind the wheel.

- No, you need to stop
listening to Big Amy.

That's not you.
- Okay, okay.

I just wanna be clear, though, um...
Big Amy is just tall. Not a monster.

And there's no version
where she's, like, old.

- Okay, let's just, uh,
start with the breathing,

and then we can talk more
about Big Amy later, okay?

- You want me to pick...
- Yeah, sure.

- Boop, look at that.
- Okay.

- So easy-breezy. I'm easy-breezy.
- Okay.

You... Just, just be.
- Did you know that? It's my new mantra.

BOTH: Just be.

LOUISE: Just... stop
trying. AMY: Easy-breezy.

LOUISE: Let's just be.
- I feel like you've changed my life.

[knocks on door]

- Abby, hi. Come in. Oh,
no. Did you sneak out?

- Not very well.

[footsteps]

- Hi.
- Hi.

- I'm Abby's mother.
- Oh.

- I just caught her climbin' out
of her bedroom window to come here.

She interrupted an incredible Lands'
End online sale and I'm pissed.

- Okay, for the record, I did
not tell Abby to sneak out.

That would be totally
inappropriate.

I was very clear about that

when I was waiting for her
outside of her high school.

- I'mma need you to stop
contactin' my daughter.

I don't want some freak
puttin' ideas in her head.

Now you keep that psychic
crap to yourself, okay?

- Excuse me. What is going on?

- Oh, no, Mom.

- Are you yelling at my
daughter on my property

'cause I just dug a hole
big enough for a body.

- This your kid?

Tell your kid to stay
away from my kid.

I don't need her tryin' to convince
Abby that she can see the future.

- Well, I can see
the future right now

because I was once like you
and I know where this goes.

- God, they're all crazy.

- I remember when Maggie
first started having visions,

I was as scared and
confused as you are.

Especially because one of 'em involved
a nip slip at my aunt's funeral.

I did everything except
believe my daughter.

And it was a huge mistake.

- Believe that she can
see into the future?

- I know it seems crazy,
but it isn't really.

And I think you
know that deep down.

The things she sees always
come true, don't they?

So, don't make the
same mistakes I did.

I know it feels like
you can't relate to her,

and you don't know how to help,

but the path you're on

only leads to her shutting you
out, and trust me, that hurts.

♪

- I'm just worried about
this new version of her.

- This isn't a
version. It's just her.

And she's gonna be okay,

especially with someone
like Maggie helping her.

- [sighs] I'm Janice, by the way.
- Well, I'm Maria.

Come on, let's leave these girls alone.
I'm gonna show you that hole that I dug.

I'm not gonna put you in
it unless you want to.

- Sorry, my mom is so crazy.

- Oh... it's okay.

Remember when my mom
threatened to bury your mom?

[chuckling]

- So, does this mean
you can still help me?

♪

- Hi.
- Oh, hi. I like your shirt.

- Thanks. I've had it forever.
- Cool.

See ya.
- Bye.

♪ "The Sun Will Rise Over the
Year" by Roo Panes playing ♪

- Yeah... and you're
gonna be just fine.

♪ And you're lying
there in bed ♪

BOTH: Oh, sorry.

- Oh. [laughing]

- We dancing now?
- [laughs] Yeah... Oh.

Yeah, we were dancing.
- Oh.

- I'm gonna go this way.
- Yes, yes. I'll just slide this way.

[laughing] Have a good night.

- Yeah, you too.

♪ It's a funny
thing that night ♪

Okay, so what are we workin' on?

- Well, your mom fixed the problem.
Now we're just patchin' the holes.

♪ Yeah, you're
gonna be alright ♪

Hey, uh, honey.
- Hm?

- Tell me why we didn't hire
somebody to do this for us.

- Oh, because you're so cheap.

- Thank you. Just needed to remember.
- Mm-hm.

♪ Party music playing ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[bell ringing]

- Ah! [grunting]

Are you okay?

- I think I'm... I'm okay.
- Oh.

I'm really sorry. Things with
wheels are very hard for me.

- Oh.
- I'm Amy.

- I'm Dave.

Do you wanna stare into
each other's eyes for a bit,

and take me to the infirmary?

- Yes.

- In what order?

♪

[clucks]

[fanfare]