03x04 - Hardhat Hotties

[bunniefuu]

[Jenn].
Have you seen Chelsea Nakamura?

Chelsea!

[Chelsea groaning]

Chels?

[gasps] There she...

Chels?

Hey.

So I think that we
should try something new

for the Save the Whales Day.

Okay. We usually do the
charity golf tournament

and no one complains.

I know.

That's because everyone finds
it too boring for words.

You mean you're too bored?

That's correct.
I find it boring.

I don't mind being the
whistleblower here.

What's your idea?

Ahem. Okay.

Photo calendar,
our employees,

but in very flattering
lighting, obviously.

We sell it. Boom!

Money for whales.

Like a firefighter calendar?

Yeah. Tasteful. Classy.

You haven't organized anything
since your dog's quinceanera.

No. But I learned
a lot from that.

Fine.

If it keeps you
outta my office,

off email,

and away from anything
that'll concuss ya,

I call that a win. For me.

Yes!

You won't regret it,
Chelsea. Promise.

Oh, bar is so low, Jenn.

[Jenn laughing]

I know! So low!

It's basically in the
Earth's core, Jenn.

Yeah, but that's where the
diamonds are made, baby!

[rock music]

[rock music fades]

So, for our annual Save the
Whales fundraiser this year,

we're doing something a
little outside the box.

We are gonna make
a photo calendar

that is going to showcase
twelve of our employees.

I'm calling it

'Hard Hat Hotties.'

This is what I came back for?
- Okay.

[Dewey].
I like the alliteration.

Why only twelve employees?

Because there's twelve months
in a calendar year, genius.

Ohhhh.

How is this fundraising?

Whales don't care how
we raise funds, Janet.

They just wanna swim.

That's what fish do.

What happened to the
golf tournament?

I bought a new glove
and a pair of spikes.

We're switching things
up this year, Todd.

But the golf tournament is
the only day of the year

we can be day drunk
and get paid for it.

[in unison] Yeah!
- Here here!

So we're gonna unveil
the cover this weekend

at that janky gross bar
you people love so much.

Chelsea, can we get
that inflatable orca

set up right out
front the venue?

It's an inflatable whale shark

but who cares about
accuracy, right?

Nerd.

I've done a bit of
catalogue work before.

What kinda looks
you going for?

[scoffs] Yeah right.

What's your problem?

Editorial, mostly.

Um, tradespeople just doing
their job, you know, but spicy.

[Homer].
Yeah, 'cause nothing
sells calendars

like Roach's sweaty a*s crack,
right Jenny?

[in unison] Ew!

Good to have you back, Homer.

Are our clothes
like on or off?

On!

This is a work event.

You must wear
proper safety gear.

Thank you.

I mean, whales
don't wear clothes

so I'm thinking like
clothing optional?

What kind of backdoor
argument is that?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[chatter droning loudly]

Everyone's clothes stay on!

Let's just say that I
agree to model for this.

What's to stop someone
from using my picture

to do nasty stuff?

[Jenn].
No one is jerking
off to you, Janet.

Let's make that very clear
right here right now.

This is about something
bigger than ourselves, right?

Orcas.
- Whale sharks!

I don't care.

Okay. If anyone actually
wants to participate,

sign the sheet.

If not, no biggie.

Now back to work.

And remember,
this is voluntary.

Strongly encouraged.
- Voluntary.

See you there.

[Chelsea].
Free will.

Free your willy.

[Chelsea].
No means no!

Not really.
You're my employee.

I'm ready.

Well, people are constantly
staring at my fart blaster

all day anyways,

someone oughta make
some money out of it.

Ooh, yeah!

For the whales!

What do you think, Audrey?

You gonna sign up?

You have such a
interesting look.

Like a, like a gal who cleans
her own wounds with vodka.

Well, I think I'm here
to be a carpenter,

not a calendar model.

Well, it's for charity.

Well, if we were doing a
raffle or a blood drive

like every other refinery?

I'd show up for that.

Like a blood drive for whales?

What?

No, for people.

I didn't think that
whale-to-human transfusions

were even possible.

Like, what are you
picturing a whale

hooked up to,
like, a giant IV?

I mean, so much blood.

Audrey, if you're looking
to get out of this,

and I fully support that,

we need someone who can blow
up the inflatable whale.

Done.
- Oh, thanks.

She'd rather blow Shamu
than get her picture taken.

Mmmhmm.
[Tanner chuckling]

You like that?
You can help her.

f*ck.

You will not pressure, coerce
or guilt anyone to participate.

Fine.

Totally. Done.

[mellow lighthearted music]

Whales will die, Todd!

Look, you're the GF.

If you don't do it,
nobody will!

Nope.

I've worked here long enough
to know how these things go.

I'm not dropping my pants.

Nobody needs to see that.

What, you're worried about
that whole thing there?

Because we can crop it.

Or, you know, we can
frame you elbows up.

AI does amazing things now.

What do you want?

What?
- To do it.

'Cause I'm not above bribery.

I'm not above being bribed.

Double-time. OT meal.

[Jenn sighing]

Fine. Pizza?

Chicken Parmesan.
- Chicken Parmesan? Oh!

Who the f*ck do we think
we are, Mariah Carey?

And dessert.

Lava cake.

You greedy little b*tch.

[mellow lighthearted music]

Fine!

Just get them to sign up.

You got it, boss.

[chatter droning]

Listen up!

[chatter droning]

Can everybody shut
up for a minute?

Who wants Friday
afternoon off,

double-time pay,

Chicken Parmesan OT meal to
do this dumbass calendar?

Yeah, f*cking right.

Chicken Parmesan for everyone?

Jesus.

Come on, if I'm doing this,
you guys f*cking are.

Chicken Parm, people!

Throw in some garlic ba*ls.

So this isn't the
Olive Garden, Steph.

Fine. Garlic ba*ls. Jeez.

Yo, what's up?
- Cheese and garlic ba*ls.

Oh, that was my
nickname in high school

'cause of how it smelt.

Wow.
- [Roach] My ba*ls.

We have that full facial
coupon and the free arm wax.

We're in.
- We'll do it.

Anyone else?
- Nice.

All right, you want an
a*s that can move product?

Taser's your man.
I see myself as Mr. April.

Okay, I'm out.

That's what I'm talking about!

Maybe even a Mr. May.

I'll do it!
- Sign me up twice, man.

[whispers] Hey, this is good.

This is good.

Oh, ah, ah.
Screw it. Screw it.

Hey.
- Oh yes!

What are you guys doing?

Hey.
- That's quite the noises.

[Backwoods].
Uhhhh...

Apparently, I gotta do
this calendar crap.

Be a leader,
set an example,

blah, blah, blah.

Right. Right.

You want tips on
training or something?

From you? What a joke.

Look at this.
It's f*cking steel.

Well, maybe.

Really?

Oh sh*t. Well, I don't know.

You've probably talked
to Marcus about it

but first thing's first,

is you gotta lose
the foreman fifteen.

And then you gotta
want it, brother,

and you gotta want it bad.

You gotta want it
more than bread.

Nope.

You gotta want it
more than beer.

Nope.

You gotta want it
more than joy itself.

This is gonna f*cking suck.

Yep.
- It will f*cking suck.

It's gonna suck worse than
the biggest, greasiest,

dirtiest d*ck you've
ever seen in your life.

And you're gonna suck it for
breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Oh yeah?
- Yes.

And you're gonna enjoy it.

I'll do what it takes.

The training begins now.

Let's go.
- Aw.

When he pukes, you clean it.

[upbeat rock music]

[Backwoods].
Run up them f*cking stairs

like you'll never run again!

You're not a
f*cking electrician!

You're a f*cking pipe
fitter running up!


of the deal, man.

Neither was greatness.
Now get moving!

Go slow or you'll blow your
colon right outta your an*s!

I think I just did.

Good! sh*t yourself!

Dang it! You lift.

You dig like you're
digging in the couch

for your last two bucks.

There ain't no quitting you,
Todd Stool.

What the f*ck are you doing?

Get whippin'!

♪ It was the suit
that got me the gig

♪ It was the tears
that got me the girl ♪

Sucker.

Discipline and
focus at all times.

Do not eat that!

Be one with hunger.

Punch the f*ck out of him!

Punch his fat old
f*cking guts out!

["Someone Who's Cool" by Odds]

♪ Soul like a thimble

♪ Swallowed up in symbols

♪ Wanting what I don't need

♪ If sympathy's the answer ♪

[Backwoods].
What the f*ck?

You're cheating, you f*ck.

What the f*ck?

Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Train!

Igne, igne, igneous.

Roach, what are
you talking about?

[Roach].
Rocks, man, rocks.

That's it.
- Hello talent.

What the hell is this?

[Jenn].
I hired him.

He's our photographer.

You hired Dewey?

Uh-huh.
- What are his qualifications?

Well, number one,
he owns a camera.

And yep, that is


Honestly, I can't even think
of what the other 10% would be,

so I guess that
might be the whole job.

Yeah, this is gonna
be a train wreck.

[Jenn].
What are you thinking?

I'm gonna scout the plant,

look for some shadows
that hit the cement

in a way that, uh,
you know, speaks to me.

Ooh. [giggles]
- Yeah.

Oh, we are gonna
make some magic.

Yes.

He's an artiste. Muah!

More like fartiste.

She said she'd be here.

Um, she did throw a piece of
bologna at me at the same time

so it could be...

All right.

Good garlic ba*ls, Jenn.

Okay. You know what?

How are you with props?

I'm a f*cking pro, Dewey.

Because I have a
friend for you.

And you know what?

I think he's hungry, Steph.

I think he's a
hungry little fella.

Why don't we, why don't we
give him a little nibble, huh?

There we go.

Yeah, he's got an appetite.

Oh he likes it.

Yes.
- [Jenn] Nice.

Oh yes.
Very nice, Steph, yeah.

Oh he's a hungry little boy.

He appreciates it, Steph.

Okay, this is f*cking stupid.

I'm done.

Chicken parm.

Mmm.

You didn't want to eat that
after the sh**t, Roach?

No, I'm good, man.

Okay, I can do this.

I can do this, yeah.

[Roach] It's okay.
- Okay.

Okay, I need you to
focus though, Roach.

I need you to focus, okay?

Not on the parm! On me!

Okay, this is how they do
in the magazines, probably.

I think. I read it once.

[Barb].
I gotta show off my new nails.

So these are new.

Oh.
- Catch those.

Mine are cute, too.
- Okay.

They're something.
- I'm zooming in.

I'm zooming in, ladies.
That's it.

Okay.
- Get Momma. Big Momma.

[in unison] Big Momma.

Oh my god! Yeah.
I want ya to,

I want you to open
that Big Momma booty.

Come on.
- Surprise!

Big Momma booty!
Big Momma booty!

Big Momma booty!

That's it. That's the shot.

Yes. Oh, Darth
welder in the house.

Oh, I'm feeling some sparks
down south of this weld band.

Are you sure that you have never
done this before because...

I got more gas in the tank.

I wanna give you
guys some options.

We like options.
- Oh, I like options.

Okay, what if I, uh,

wear my welding helmet
on my junk like this,

to imply danger?

Ooh, someone's got
some skin in the game.

Ooh, if we're gonna
go that route, Tase,

I think we need
to pop a button.

Ooh.
- Ooh.

Okay, I'm just gonna
just do a little...

just a little zhuzhing.

Tase with the blaze.
- There we go.

[Dewey].
Oh but Tase,

I think we're gotta have
to see the hair flowing.

Show me that mane.

Oh yeah! You're a warrior.

Time to do art.

[Jenn].
Let's do it.

[Dewey].
Yep, here we go.

Grinders!

Oh!

[thrilling rock music]

[Jenn] Turn up the heat!
- More!

[thrilling rock music]

Beautiful, Tase. Beautiful.

Game on.

[thrilling rock music]
[camera clicking]

[Jenn].
Okay.

Nice.

Yeah.

Okay. Nice.

Now if you could just
pop that belt open,

give us a little summer tease.

What? You mean my pants? Why?

Crack it open a little bit,
you know?

You're Mr. July, it's supposed
to be hot outside, right?

Give us a little humidex,
you know?

I didn't know this was gonna
be those kind of pictures.

[Chelsea].
Hey!

Oh f*ck! Here comes
the pants patrol.

You cannot under
any circumstance

pressure an employee to
take off his clothes.

Look, you trusted me
to run this fundraiser,

so just let me.

We are not making
anyone uncomfortable.

Right, Marcus?

You're fine, right?

Tell Chelsea that you're fine.

He's not gonna tell
you the truth.

You're the boss.

You don't get the power
dynamic at play here?

Marcus, has
Ms. Conch or Dewey

done anything at
this company event

to make you feel
uncomfortable?

Well, my knees hurt

and I don't love that my aunt's
definitely gonna see this

but it's been... fine?

See, you can't fake
that kind of praise.

Up to you, Marcus.

Yeah.

Up to you, Marcus.

Is a bit chilly.

I'm gonna head
in for a snack.

Is that okay?

Come on down.

You know, Taser didn't
mind the breeze.

He said it makes
his n*pples pop.

That's a professional.

Watch it, Dewey.

I can't fire her
but I can fire you.

I'd just rehire you.

[Chelsea] I heard that!
- Finally!

A safe space again!

You know, just walk and judge.
That's helpful.

Beep. Beep. Beep,

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Perfect.

Take it off.

Are we waiting for
anybody else or-

Nope. Just you and me.

Team Blowhole.
- Yeah.

Yeah, we've been entrusted
with the great honour

of blowing this bad boy up.

Yeah. In here?

You wanna haul this
outside and blow it?

No Audrey, I don't wanna
f*cking do this anywhere.

It's stupid. It's a lame-a*s,
giant-a*s pool toy.

I've got so much other sh*t
I'd rather and can be doing.

Oh yeah? Like what?

Doom scrolling?

Ghosting people?

Calling your mom?

I love my mom.

This is what's wrong
with your generation.

Loving my mom?
- Yeah.

Yeah, no, 'cause you think
you're above this task.

f*ck. Who isn't?

Get blowin'.

Clock hits four,
I hit the door.

You're just gonna stand there?

Blow it or suck it.
Whatever your preference.

Yeah, get your hair dryer.

I miss Jimi already.

Appreciate you, bro.
I feel good.

Good. I mean, you still
look like a piece of sh*t

but you did
everything you could.

What?
[Backwoods chuckling]

Pssst!

You boys ever
heard of smizing?

No one has heard
of smizing, Homer.

What the f*ck is it?

Do I got to
apprentice for it?

[Todd].
Smizing?

It's when you smile
with your eyes

but not your mouth.

Smile with your whole face,

that's amateur clown sh*t.

Behold.

[whispers] There's no f*cking,

what is this f*cking sh*t?

[gentle lighthearted music]

Are you f*cking with
us Homer, or...?

No.

I did some modelling
as a child.

Bullshit.

I was the face of a
major soda pop brand.

You guys remember the,
uh, "Chuggg It!" kid?

[Todd] Shut up!
- No f*cking way!

That's you? No way!
- No way.

Show us! Oh my god!
Do it right now!

I'm not doing do that.
- Do it! Do it, Homer.

I did years of therapy
to get over that, okay?

Do it.
- I can't do it.

Do it or you're fired again.

Ch-ch-ch-chuggg it!

[both laughing]

That is awesome!

That was you!
- Holy sh*t!

I did billboards, bus stops,

even did a short
run of urinal cakes

but parents didn't think
it was appropriate to be

pissing on a child's face.

Teach me, Homer.
- Teach him.

It was a different life!

Different times.

f*cking don't turn your
back on us now, Homer.

I gave it all up for the glitz
and glamour of welding, boys.

[whispers] Chuggg it kid.

All right. I'll help.

Listen up!
- Yes!

You gotta seduce the camera.

How?

Always be moving.

Get the legs in.
- Loosen them.

Yes, Todd. Come on!
Get moving!

Get moving, eh?
- [Backwoods] Yes. Yes.

You wanna give the camera
different facial expressions.

Okay?
- Okay.

Start with a smile.

With your teeth.

Smile, Todd!
Show off those pearly whites!

Come on! Yes! You're happy!

But then, wait a minute.

Who died?
- [Homer] Everyone.

Oh. Sad face.

Everyone died, Todd.

You look high.
- [Homer] But wait.

What do you see out there?

Is that your best friend
f*cking your sis...

Cousin?

No, no, it's your, yeah,
your-your cousin Greg!

Your best friend,
look at him

f*cking your cousin G-Greg!

You're mad at him, Todd!

Not me. Greg.
- [Homer] But wait.

What's that in the distance?
- Huh?

[Homer] Over here, Todd.
- Huh?

[Backwoods] What is it?
- No. Like towards me!

Right there! There it is!
- There.

It's a 12-point elk.
- [Backwoods] Ooh.

You reach back...

Clobber it.

No, you're not
gonna clobber it.

No, you gotta...
- Quiver?

You've got a quiver of arrows.

You're a sexy-a*s hunter.
- Good work.

So you're gonna
draw the arrow,

and then load the bow.

And then, fire it.

Oh! What just fell?

The elk?
- Nah, you dropped a peach.

Get down.
Grab the peach, Todd!

Lift your a*s up.

[Backwoods] a*s up.
- And flex the back.

And jiggle the a*s.

This is f*cking dumb.
- Jiggle the a*s.

And look at me, Todd.
I want eye contact.

[Homer] Flex it! Downward dog!
- a*s up!

I can't do this!

I should never have
agreed to this sh*t!

What?
- [Backwoods] Just calm down.

Listen, the man is hangry.

He hasn't eaten anything
in goddam three days.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, hey!
- Hey!

Are you f*cking high?

You can't eat before a sh**t!

You're gonna bloat
like a blowfish!

It's showtime, dew-dog.
- For Christ sakes.

My lights are hot.

Are you boys ready?
- No!

You're ready.
- That was perfect.

Greatest first lesson
I've ever had.

You are ready.
- Get out there!

Get out there!
[Todd mumbling]

You will never be more ready!

How much money did you make
doing those commercials?

None. My mom owns
an island in Belize.

Yeah, uh, this is gonna
take f*cking forever.

Yes, it is,

which is why we have
mandatory breaks.

What the hell
happened to all that,

"Oh, this is what's wrong with
your generation," bullshit?

I'm only like two years
younger than you, right?

[Audrey].
Really?

I thought you just had your 13th
birthday last month.

[Tanner laughs mockingly]

[laughs] Seniority
means I nap first.

Goodnight.

[gentle lighthearted music]

[whispers] f*cking sh*t!

[gentle lighthearted music]

Oh yeah.

You're in a safe space,
Toddler.

Your lighting's garbage!

Everyone's gonna look like
they got f*cking jaundice!

Are you telling me
how to do my job?

No, Dewey.

I'm telling you how to
not ruin a good photo.

Hey, chop-chop, boys!
Time is money!

[Dewey].
I have just the
inspiration for this.

[upbeat music]

Bend the joints.
Bend the joints, Todd.

There you go.
- [Backwoods] Bendy.

Yeah, all right.
- Bend 'er down.

Over the shoulder, Todd.

No, no. Towards the camera!

[Dewey].
Smile, boy.

[Homer].
Yeah. There you go.

Chin up. Use the straps.
- [Dewey] Bad boy!

Slap the, you like that pain!

Now look, on the ground
in front of you,

there's that same old peach.

You remember that peach, Todd.

Grab that peach.
Grab the peach.

[Dewey] Chow down on that peach!
- [Homer] Grab the peach.

Yeah. Take a bite!

[upbeat music]

[Homer].
But wait. Oh gross.

[Backwoods].
There you go.

What's that white substance?

Oh no.

A deer was using
it as a c*m rag.

[Backwoods] Ew!
- Throw that peach away.

Throw it away!
- Gross!

Wait. There's something wrong.

Your body, it's shaking.

That was cursed c*m!

Ugh.

All of a sudden your
hands are hooves.

Glorious hooves.

You're a majestic steed.

I wanna hear you neigh, Todd.

Neigh!

[Todd neighing]

Louder!

[upbeat music]

Whoa. Whoa!

The wind is blowing
in your hair!

And then you see
it ahead of you,

there's the elk.

You remember the elk, Todd?
- [Backwoods] Oh yeah!

You missed it last time,
didn't ya?

Now reach back, flex,

pull out the arrow.
- [Backwoods] Good.

And load the bow.

Yeah! Chin up!

[camera clicks]

f*ck!

Ah! Hey!

f*ck!

What the f*ck?

Cricket, are you there?

Hold on, buddy!
We'e good.

And...
- Fire it.

Release!

There! You got it!

[knocking on window]

[Tanner].
Todd! Todd, man!

[camera clicking]

[Dewey].
Oh, there's my December!

What the f*ck?
- [Homer] Cricket!

Oh. Good work, Tanner.

[mellow music]

[drumsticks tapping]

Woo! Ha-ha!

Okay guys, it is time
to reveal our calendar.

[unenthusiastic cheering]

Some people said that my
idea was unprofessional

and that it, uh,
blurred ethical lines.

Chelsea.
- I'm not wrong.

'Cause it wasn't, it did.

To me, this has always
just been about hope,

you know, for us and
for our animal friends,

from the mammals
to the whales. So-

[Homer].
Genius over here.

Let's raise a glass,

open our wallets

and remember that for every
calendar that you buy,

an orca is so thankful,

and probably releases one of
those cloudy white squirts.

It's whale c*m?

I mean, we're not gonna see it
because it happens underwater

but it's, uh, it's happening.
- A load?

[rim-shot thumps and pings]
Okay, stop.

Sorry.
- Okay.

All right, let's go.

[wolf howling]

Nice.
- Oh!

Oh, nice work!
- Oh!

Oh, Stephy!
You look so hot!

Garlic ba*ls. Remember?

I don't remember posing
with a dire wolf.

[Jenn].
Okay, moving on to February.

[Backwoods].
Titty city!

Hey, that's us!
- We look hot!

I'd date me.
- We are such snacks.

Remember Big Momma?

It's payday, Team Conch.

Let's open up Big Momma.

I'm gonna catfish somebody
with that bad boy.

[Todd].
Looking good, Barb.

Oh Janet!

Nice duckface, Janet.

Nice f*ck, Homer.

[rim-shot thumps and pings]
[Steph laughing]

You are my Victorian
duckling, Janet.

[Jenn].
That's weird.

[Dewey] Moving on.
- [Taser] Nice one, Janet.

Ooh, Marcus!

That ain't Photoshop!

That's right it ain't!

I got you, brother.
Thank you. Appreciate it.

[Dewey].
And...

Hey, that looks like me, man.

That is you, Roach.

[in unison] That is you!

I had to paint out all the
tomato sauce on your face.

Kinda looks like
my uncle too.

[Taser].
No Malone.

[Backwoods].
Oh. Yeah!

[Homer].
Looks like cousin Greg.

Hold the f*cking.

Dewey, I was supposed
to be a werewolf.

I need way more f*cking
hair than that.

No, this is the amount
of hair we agreed on.

Not at all.

I got more hair
on my right ball.

And moving on.

[horse neighing]

[everyone cheering]

[Dewey].
It's Mr. June!

Come on!
What the hell is that?

[Backwoods].
What the f*ck?

Stooly's got a horse body
and a giant horse c*ck?

Centaur. Get it right.

And I gave Todd actual abs.

[Audrey].
I don't need to see that.

[Dewey].
My work speaks for itself.

[drumroll]
[Todd].
It's f*cking weird, Dewey.

Little early again, Janet!

[Janet] Oh.
- All right.

So our cover model for the first
annual Conch calendar is...

Janet?

What?!

[laughs] Okay!

No!
- Yes! Yes!

No, Janet.

Now is the time to
do the drumroll.

Oh.

Right.

[drumroll music]

Whoa! That's me!

Oh, yes!
[crowd cheering]

[Todd].
This is total bullshit!

f*ck this!

We skipped wing
night for this?

I gotta get another
f*cking drink.

[drums thumping]

You can go get it!
Go get it!

Fernie, beer me, now.

Oh my god, Stool.

I'd say your abs
went on vacation.

Didn't leave a note.

f*ck off, Fern.

When was the last time
you did a sit-up?

Accepting you're past your
prime is half the battle.

Yeah? You sure
you've accepted it?

Yeah. Yeah, I
f*cking accepted it.

And you can accept this.

Happy to sign it for you too.
- I'm good.

"Dear Dickhead, go f*ck you."

Guess I can use it
to wipe my a*s.

Hey.
- Hey.

I think you look
great by the way.

[sighs] Thanks.

I thought you look good too.

What did you think
of the horse c*ck?

Oh yeah, not a fan
but my friend might be.

Get over here you.
- [Todd] Really?

Yeah.
- Hi.

Hello to you.

She knows you're a dipshit
but she's into that.

Thanks for that.
- Yeah. No sweat.

I guess I kinda am.

What up, horse c*ck?

What's up, werewolf man.

Hey, show me this calendar.

I don't have enough hair,

but I actually think
I look pretty good.

[Barb].
Me too.
It's smooth and sexy.

You look great.
- Oh.

[Backwoods howling]

Real funny.

Two Slagg, please.

Thank you.

There we go. Wow.

You're gonna have to
tell Todd eventually

that you're hooking
up with the werewolf.

[Backwoods howling]

[Backwoods laughing]

I mean, do I?

It's just sex.

[indistinct chattering]

We've only sold 15 of these.

And Fernie, the bartender,
bought three of them.

[Jenn].
Yeah, I know, but you're not
factoring in word of mouth,

uh, friends and family, bribes.

No one's gonna buy
this thing, Jenn.

Fine.

What are you doing?

How many orcas does
twenty grand save?

Okay, you can't just
make this out to whales.

Why not?

Plus, you spelled it wrong.

That's the country.

Fun night, ladies.

Anyone gonna eat this?

It's gonna spoil if not.
I'm taking it.

That would be a shame.
- It's all you, Barb.

But you have to pay
for the calendar.

It's our fee!

See? They had a great night.

All right, Chelsea.

Let's not forget that
Conch is my company, okay?

Get your own shell.

Wails again.

[Chelsea sighing]

[Homer].
You should've seen that-

Working hard, boys?
- There he is.

Last week was a write-off.

We gotta double time it.
- Oh, check it out.

It's c*ck o'clock.

Check out Roach
with the p*nis pipe.

[in English accent] Hello
little forest animals.

Would you like to
smoke some c*ck?

[Taser].
Backwoods with
the hammer c*ck.

You're getting rained on
by a couple whale c*ck.

[Todd].
Anyone know who drew these?

Janet.

I think she's only ever
seen one d*ck. [laughs]

What a waste of time this was.

What are you talking about?

Dewey gave you a
stellar AI horse c*ck

and Janet gave you another.

Yeah. Double dicker!
- Dos coculos.

[Homer].
Multi-c*ck.

One for pleasure,
one for pissing.

All right, back to work,
you f*ck.

c*ck Rex. [snarls]

Need this.

[mellow music]

Thank you.

[midtempo rock music]

["It's Called Life"
by Matthew Runaway]

♪ Turnin' these wrenches

♪ Bustin' my knuckles

♪ Bangin 'em into steel

♪ Workin' overtime,
tryin' to save a dime

♪ But the tax
man's on my heels

♪ I can't get ahead,
but I don't fall behind ♪

What the f*ck, Dewey?

This is me. It's me!

You do not have a
flute that big!

The artiste can be the
subject too, you know?

[Taser].
You think you're the GOAT?

There's a dormant beast
within me for years.

A beautiful,
beautiful goat boy.

[Homer].
It should've stayed dormant!

Really, this is almost your last
chance to get one of these.

Uh, well what about this?

What about this? I have
these amazing calendars.

As you can see, it's me
and I have a huge p*nis,

which is very much
like the real thing.

Just saying, okay?

So, you interested?

♪ It's called life,
you get up and grind

♪ A dollar ain't worth it

♪ Drive too fast

♪ And work, work, work
to do it all again

♪ It's called life,
it's gone in a minute

♪ Don't close your eyes

♪ Helluva ride ♪

[screaming]
[air whooshing]

[dramatic music]