03x04 - Valerie Does It All

[bunniefuu]

Do I have to come
to your pilot taping?

What? Yeah.
Yes, you have to come.

You're my good luck charm.

You come to all
my pilot tapings.

I don't see how that
makes me good luck.

- [sighs]
- So many don't go.

Okay, desperate to learn
this Act One speech, Mark.

It's a real tongue-twister,
okay?

Well, who... Who would
even come with me?

I mean, on Room and Bored,

I used to take Greg
and Stephanie.

We'd all go out
for margaritas after.

- That was fun.
- Mm-hmm.

So, why don't you ask
Greg and Steph...

I am not inviting a man
who fired me via email

to a sitcom taping, Val.

Alright, what about one
of your, uh, pickleball guys?

They're just pickle people.

Well, new chapter, new friends.

No, pickleball guys
are site-specific.

Okay.

No, sir,
I am not repeating myself.

The first B&B
stands for Boone and Beth.

That's my dearly departed
brother and myself.

The second B&B stands for
Bread and Breakfast.

Bed and Breakfast.

No, sir, I am not repeating.

The first B&B stands
for Boone and...

Forgot my name.

No, sir, I am not repeating.

The first B&B
stands for Broom...

Alright, how am I gonna do this?
Alright, gotta just say it fast.

Boone and Beth's
Bed and Breakfast.

Boone and Beth's Bed and Bread...
Bread and Bre... Ugh.

The second B&B stands for
Boone and Beth's Bed and Breakfast.

B&B, B and Brie... B.

B&B, not B and Brie.

They're not serving cheese.

Alright, that sounds good.
Do we have any?

No, sir, I'm not repeating.

The first B&B stands for
B-Boone and Beth.

[coughing]

Boone and Beth's
Bed and Breakfast.

- Boone and Beth's Bed and Breakfast.
- [dishes clattering]

[water running] - Boone
and Beth's Bed and Breakfast.

Boone and Beth's
Bed and Breakfast.

Boone and Beth's Bed
and Breakfast.

No, sir.
I am not repeating.

The first B&B stands for...

What does it stand for?

Boone! And Beth.

Bed! And Breakfast.

B&B, B&B.

Boone and Beth's
Bed and Breakfast.

Boone and Beth's
Bread and Bre... Jesus.

Not gonna cry.
The second B&B

stands for...

Not humanly possible.

f*cking AI.

- [cheering and applause]
- [emcee] Alright, get ready

to clap those hands
and stamp those feet.

It's time to introduce
the star of How's That?!

You loved her on I'm It!

You loved her on Room and Bored.

You loved her on The Comeback.

You loved her on Seeing Red.

- You loved her on The Traitors.
- [cheering and applause]

- Here she is...
- Mrs. Hatt.

- Forgot Mrs. Hatt.
- the one and only Valerie Cherish!

[cheering and applause]

[fan]
Valerie, we love you!

[cheering and applause continue]

Val! Look who I brought.
Fernando.

[Valerie]
Welcome, Fernando.

Yeah, so you play
pickleball with Mark?

Fernando's a doorman
in our building.

-Oh.
-Mrs. Berman, it's me. [chuckles]

Oh, yeah, I didn't recognize you
without your uniform on.

- So...
- Oh, 'cause I have to wear the uniform

buttoned all the way up.

Yeah, I didn't even know
he had a tattoo.

- [emcee] Alright, here we go.
- [Valerie] What?

What's happening right now?
What?

- Cool, right?
- Uh-huh.

Yeah, as much as I'd love
to talk tattoos with you,

- I need to work, okay?
- Mrs. Berman.

- Yeah?
- Are you famous?

Uh... yeah.

[Fernando]
Mrs. Berman!

- You're famous. [Laughing]
- Okay, yeah.

And I just wanna remind
everybody, you know,

we are in a live taping,
alright?

So, please don't call out
during the show, okay?

What's this guy's
f*cking problem?

- [Bev] Places, everybody!
- [buzzer blares]

[emcee] Okay, before we start
taping in front of you,

we're gonna show you
something first.

- Oh.
- [emcee] We call it a cold open.

This is a scene
we had to tape earlier today

because it has some
technical surprises in it.

Where are you, my sweet guy?

Hmm? Can't hide forever.

[chuckles] Come out,

and I'll do that thing you love.

- [audience laughing]
- I'll spank your little fanny

just the way you like it.

[laughter]

[Valerie]
Oh, there you are.

Aw!
Well, good morning, Guy.

- [audience] Aww.
- [Valerie] A deal's a deal.

I'm gonna set you down
and tap dat a*s.

- [laughter]
- Isn't that cute?

I heard it on a streaming show.

Let me just fluff
your cushion for you.

[thumping]

- Oh. [coughing]
- [laughter]

Either I need to dust more
or buy a case of Claritin.

[laughter]

Sorry, but the a*s play
is gonna have to wait.

I heard that on a streamer, too.

Been so busy in my art studio,

I guess I missed
some cleaning days,

- or years.
- [laughter]

Oh.

You could use
a little dusting, too.

- [sneezing]
- [clattering]

[laughter]

[applause]

And I thought I was the only
thing barely hanging on here.

[laughing obnoxiously]

[Jimmy] And cut!

Well, that last joke didn't fly.

- No.
- I'd forgotten how awful

moments like this are.

- Uh-huh.
- [emcee] And that's the end

- of our cold open!
- [cheering and applause]

[Jimmy] We need...
We need a new blow.

- I didn't think... No.
- [emcee] I love your energy.

- Jimmy, that last thing was...
- Yeah, agreed.

I was just saying to Mary
that we need a new blow.

- I think it's fine, Jimmy.
- If by "fine,"

you mean the only one
who laughed was the writer.

Okay, no, we'll just cut out
right after the crash?

Beth needs a line.
She needs a reaction

- to the fact that the ceiling just fell in.
- [phone ringing]

Okay. I'm so sorry. Yeah, she
cannot have mac and cheese again.

She had that for last...
Yeah, she had it...

- What's happened?
- Joshy.

- Hmm?
- New jokey.

I like it, it tells us
Beth's fragile emotional state.

It shows us how
she and the house

are falling apart.
It's smart.

Yeah, hard to top
the big crash, though.

We need a harder laugh.

[emcee] A lot of you
didn't raise your hand.

- A lot of you didn't raise...
- I can't do this all night.

On Fetch, we learned
to trust our own voice, so.

So, I guess Fetch wasn't funny.

Oh, Jimmy.
Pilot cold open, okay?

The end can't just lay there.
People are gonna click away.

And they'll never come back.

- I know.
- Gotta...

Hey, writer's assistant,
are you a writer?

Well, I mean, I'm...
Hopefully. That's my goal.

'Cause I wanna get,
like, a really nice house.

And you thought TV writer

in this day and age
was the way to go?

Isn't it?

♪ Everybody dance now ♪

Hey! You know what is a
good way to get our energy up?

- I say we dance!
- [cheering and applause]

- What does Hal have?
- [Valerie] It's Al.

Al. Hal.
Same evil computer character.

We need a joke

about how surprised she is

that the house is falling apart.

[Fernando] Mrs. Berman!

- Okay. It's just...
- Uh, okay,

I have 15 responses.

Already? Fifteen? Okay.

One, "I'm so surprised
the house is falling apart."

Well, there's hope. That's not
gonna put any writers out of business.

Oh, that one's mine.

Is it?

- Yeah.
- You love it! We love it!

The rest are all
Allassist pitches.

- Okay, what have we got?
- Which one do you think, Jimmy?

Uh, let's go with four.
Four will do.

Bev, we're gonna need
a lot of dust upstage.

- We're gonna reshoot the blow.
- Copy.

We're gonna reshoot the blow!
Got it, Val?

- Yeah, got it.
- [Bev] Here we go, people.

Looks like we are going
to be redoing the end

of the cold open, live!

- [audience member] Whoa!
- Alright, so let's remember,

the ceiling piece
had just fallen

and Beth was shocked.

Hazard pay.

[laughter]

And action!

Well, I guess those ants
were termites!

[laughter and applause]

[laughter continues]

[Jimmy] Cut it!
Bang, bang, moving on.

- [Valerie] Aw.
- Oh!

- Oh, Marky-Mark.
- Great show, so funny.

Aw, thank you.

Yeah, you leave
your friend alone there?

What? No, he's okay,
he's talking to the warm-up guy.

Okay. Listen, um,
I have to do reshoots,

so you two go have
margaritas without me.

Oh, okay.

- [Fernando] Listen to me, man.
- Uh, Mark?

Never get up in my face

- like that again.
- [emcee] Are you serious?

- Uh, go. Maybe go, yeah.
- Yeah.

- You can't be serious, dude.
- [Fernando] I know the star.

Sorry, they...
They were a lot prettier

before that second fall
off the sun porch.

[Zeke laughing] -[Valerie]
You've never heard

of 1-800-FLOWERS, Wilson?

[Frank]
Beth Benedict, I'm... I'm...

- I'm slipping.
- Oh.

[screaming]

Well, these flowers need water.

[Frank] I'm fine!

And cut.

- You guys okay?
- It's fine.

- It's not fine.
- It's midnight, it's fine.

Okay, that's a wrap
on the pilot, everybody!

- [Valerie] Aw.
- Thank you very much!

[crew clapping] - Are you
gonna be like this the whole time?

Mary, our names are on
a 1-800-FLOWERS joke.

- Josh.
- Aw, Bev, thank you.

- Oh, sure.
- Thank you, yeah.

Aw, Zeke, thank you!

- [chuckles] You got it.
- Yeah. Oh.

You. Thank you.

Thank everyone, for all of it.
Yeah.

- Ah, Jimmy. [Chuckles]
- [Jimmy] Val.

- Very good, honey.
- Ah! So fun.

Oh, that was so fun!

And we're just getting started.
[chuckles]

Uh, yeah, well, um,
thanks for the opportunity,

but I'm not gonna do any more.

No, but...
tonight was so good.

Good, but, uh,
never gonna be great.

Well, we can make it great.

No, we can't,
because we need writers.

You know, the machine is fast

and cooperative,
I'll give it that.

But I saw every one of those
jokes coming, and so did you.

- Yeah, well.
- Surprising only comes

from a group of writers
huddled in a corner,

beating themselves up
to beat out a better joke.

- Okay, but those huddles...
- No, no, Val.

It's the chubby guy
who's a secret alcoholic.

It's the g*y guy who,
despite all the work he's done,

still hates himself a little.

- Yeah.
- Or the funny woman

who's been invisible
for way too long.

They turn all that pain
into a joke.

And, Val, those broken,
beautiful souls

are what make something great.

And you didn't see it coming.

Okay, but no, we've got
writers, Josh and Mary,

and they seem
pretty broken to me.

Val, they're not engaged.

Plus, I have a fun clause.

If I'm not having any fun,
I'm out.

- I'm not fun?
- No, honey, you're fun.

And the cast is fun.

It's a shame, too.

This was a really
good part for you.

Could have been the one.

- See you, Val.
- Okay.

Yeah.

Does it worry you
that Jimmy left

- because of AI?
- Oh, no. No.

He didn't... That's not...
Yeah, no.

He's old-fashioned, you know?
Love him.

- Congratulations, Ms. Cherish!
- Aw.

That was just so fun.

It... It was... It was so fun.

- Yeah, it was fun.
- [Tommy] I'll say!

- The people, the energy!
- Yeah.

- I feel like I'm 50 again.
- [chuckles]

Anybody got any blow?

Oh! [Laughing]
Jane, did you get that?

Cocaine joke, so cute.
[laughing]

[lock rattling]

[Valerie]
Mark, is that you?

[Mark] Yep.

[Valerie] Well, I'm in here
reading the new episode

that just came in.

I have returned.

Mrs. Berman.

This script doesn't make
any sense, Mark.

Well, I'll tell you
what doesn't make sense.

[singing in high pitch] ♪ I still
have my clothes on, Mrs. Berman ♪

Look at this here. Look.

She's in prison.
It's the second episode.

She's nowhere near
the rest of the cast.

She... 'Cause she's in prison.

Mm, well, I am in horny prison.

Come on, Mrs. Berman,
you're the only one

- with the keys.
- Right.

No. Okay, mwah.
I can't now, Mark.

- Mm.
- Why don't you go to bed, right?

'Cause you know, Marky,

nothing's gonna happen
in the state you're in.

- Right? Yeah.
- [groaning]

You know,
according to Fernando...

- Mm?
- out of all the dudes

in this building,
I am the only one

- he would hang with.
- Wow.

Hot.

[chuckles]

- [keypad clacking]
- Mm-hmm.

[Mark] He said

out of all
these f*cking dudes...

No, that's not good, Mark.

- I'm the only one.
- Yeah, quieter.

[distant car horns honking]

And what about his tattoo?

- A Mayan sun.
- Yeah. Big.

- That was...
- Mm.

- Mark.
- Hmm?

Honey, I'm working.

Lucky.

[Mark grunting]

What are you doing down there?
You okay?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

I feel good
for the first time today.

I may just sleep on the floor.

Maybe you can bring
some of this energy

to Finance Dudes.
[chuckles]

[Mark] Uh...

I hate this new chapter, Val.

No, you've just had
too much to drink.

Yeah.

"Oh, don't worry
about me, Nathan.

"I'll just sit in this jail cell
and continue to rot.

- "How's that?!"
- [scattered chuckles]

Alright. And end of show.

- Very nice.
- [applause]

Is it?

Yeah, it's v-very nice.

Uh, let's take a half an hour,

- and then we'll start putting it on its feet.
- Yeah, okay.

[chair slamming]

- [PDP] f*cking nonsense.
- What's wrong with him?

Well, he's barely in it,
you know? So are you.

- [PDP] Stupid script.
- Well, I have one scene.

No, but Frank,
this is Episode Two, okay?

Regular cast has to be in it
so people can get to know them.

Valerie, um, do you think
that I could get a paper script?

This security case the network's
making us carry the iPad in

- is so cumbersome.
- Yeah. Yeah, just tell Bev.

You know, Bev?

- Yeah?
- Bev, can we get paper scripts?

- These are so cumbersome.
- Please?

- Yeah, she gets it.
- No, it's security sh*t.

Alright.
Honey, I gotta talk to Josh.

- Well, he just walked out.
- He did?

While I was standing here
talking to you about cumbersome?

Yeah, okay.

Oh, there's the director.

- [director] Hey.
- Hi.

I was just coming over
to talk to you.

- Bryan Frasier.
- Valerie Cherish.

- Very excited to get to work with you.
- Yeah, me, too.

- Yeah, yeah. I...
- What's... What's all this?

Oh. Oh, yeah, no, this is
for the doc series, you know,

- the show and me, yeah.
- Documentary?

Just ignore them.
[chuckles]

- Okay. [Clearing throat]
- Yeah, um,

so you look so familiar.

Have we... Have you
directed me before?

- I... I don't think so.
- Oh.

But you might recognize
my face because I starred

on a Fox sitcom a few years ago.

- Oh!
- Yeah, uh, Cubicle.

Ah, uh-huh.

Cubicle, with me
and Ryan Reynolds.

- Two young guys in a cubicle?
- Oh!

- That sounds so fun.
- It was very fun.

- Yeah, yeah.
- It was... It only went for one season,

but people were always like,
"Ryan and Bryan."

- Yeah, yeah.
- "Bryan and Ryan."

Yeah. Sounds the same.

And then he got Two Guys,
a Girl and a Pizza Place

and went into movies, and...

I went here.

Directing, yeah.
Smart, right?

- So smart.
- Yeah, it's... It's a pivot.

Yeah. Good for you.

Um, so, Ryan, I just...

- Bryan.
- Right, okay.

So sorry. Bryan, yeah.

So, uh, this script
doesn't work.

Um, I'm in prison
for no reason. [Scoffs]

Didn't you k*ll your brother?

No, th... That was just
a comedy runner

- in the pilot.
- Oh.

Yeah, you didn't read it?

Uh, I just got this job
two hours ago.

Uh, anyway, yeah,
so this just feels like

- this is just the wrong script, right?
- [power tool whirring]

- Okay.
- It's... It should be a later episode.

So, maybe it
was misnumbered, right?

[hammer pounding] - 'Cause
who is this Nathan character?

- Right.
- Where did he come from?

Is he Beth's love interest?

And again, why are they
in jail, you know?

- Well, um...
- Yeah.

I hear you. Uh, but I think
we should just let them

finish building the jail,
and then we'll put it

- on its feet for the writers.
- Okay.

Well, it shouldn't even
be a jail set.

It's costing money.
I'm an executive producer.

- Oh. Okay, well...
- So, thinking about those...

There's Marco.

Okay, I'm gonna talk to him.

Excuse me, Ryan, sorry.

- Bryan.
- Yeah.

- Marco?
- Yeah, what's up?

Okay, it feels like this script

is misnumbered.
Wrong episode.

It's not... It's...
It's the wrong script.

- No, I think 'cause this is...
- It is.

- Go on.
- Sorry, man, I...

I think it is, yeah.

I'm sorry, who are you?
What's happening?

Oh, I, um, I'm... I'm Evan.

He's... He's the Allassist,
like, um,

- like, troubleshoot tech guy.
- [Valerie] Oh!

[Marco] He was just explaining
to me though, that, like...

W-What were you
explaining to me?

Oh, I, uh, I-I think it's, uh,
it's... It's a hallucination.

It's a hallucination?

- [Evan] Yeah.
- Okay.

- Yeah, it, uh...
- What does that mean?

Sorry, it's a... it's... it's a...
It's a mismatch

between the prompt
and the AI's knowledge base.

So, it... It leads it
to generate, uh,

basically plausible
but incorrect answers

that are just trying
to fill in the gaps.

- Okay.
- So, in this case, it put in Nathan Drake,

who's a... a video game character
from the Uncharted series, and...

And in jail with... With you.

Sorry, what's happening?

- Are you...
- Oh, sorry, yeah, no.

Yeah, that's just, uh,
the last, uh,

AI project I worked on,

the, um, the crew
wasn't really happy

- I was there.
- Oh.

- So, I had a couple body checks.
- Oh!

Okay, well, you know what?
On this set, um, nobody knows.

It's a secret.
Nobody knows it's AI.

- Oh.
- Yeah, so...

But anyway, yeah.

Everyone, everyone!

This is a safe set now, right?

- We practice safe set!
- [crew member chuckles]

[laughing]
Cute way of saying it.

Alright, can you, Marco,
please talk to Josh and Mary,

let them know that
this jail episode

is a video game and they
need to write a new script?

Yeah, Mary's phone
went straight to voicemail,

and I'm not really allowed
in the writers' office anymore.

- Okay, well.
- [power tool whirring]

Yeah, Billy. I'll find Billy.
Yeah, probably. Yeah.

Uh, okay.
PDP, listen to me.

- Mm-mm.
- This is the wrong script.

- It's a mistake.
- I k*lled last night, Val.

You heard how hard I k*lled it.

I should have gotten
more scenes, not just one.

- Okay, not listening to me.
- And why am I in the kitchen with everyone else

baking a file into a cake?
Is this a cartoon now?

-Yeah. Not listening to me at all.
-And I don't even have

- one triplet exit/entrance.
- Yeah.

How will anybody know
I'm a different one?

Okay, why don't you slow down
before you swallow your tongue,

and listen to me?

This script is wrong.

It's not good.
It's no bueno.

- Okay? That...
- I was the good one.

I shouldn't be punished.

Sorry, I heard you.
I just... had to get that out.

- Okay.
- It's old twin sh*t.

[Valerie] I understand.

Yeah, but, you know,
I'm gonna talk

to my producing partner,
and he's gonna get us

- a new script, okay?
- Thanks.

- Yeah.
- Val.

- Yeah?
- You're my hero.

Aw.

Actors. They're a lot.

- [crew member] Coming through.
- There he is.

- [producer] Over here.
- Okay, Billy?

- [producer] Good, cut.
- Billy, we have a problem.

- I... I'm in the middle of a photo sh**t.
- [camera clicking]

- Oh.
- [camera clicking]

Patience, what are you
doing here?

Billy asked me to help
cover this for him.

Yeah, it's Variety's
"50 Over 50."

- Okay.
- Um, Val,

if you're in the shot, that's
the one they're gonna use.

I am suicidal
for some solo press.

- Then alright, come over here.
- I'll be right back.

[producer]
Okay, let's take five.

Okay, they're building
a jail in there.

Building a jail?
I don't know what that means.

Well, as executive producer,

you should know what that means.

Alright?
I left you two voice mails

- about this last night.
- No one listens to voice mails.

Send me a voice memo.

Okay. Note taken. Alright.

Anyway, they think
that the Allassist

short-circuited or something.
The script is unusable.

So, I need you to go
to the writers

and ask them
to write another script.

- Okay, done. Yeah.
- Good. Good.

I'll do it as soon
as I'm done with my solo,

and then the "50 Over 50"
group shot.

What? No, well,
that's too late.

They're building a jail.

Again with the jail. [Scoffs]

- Alright, Jane?
- Can I get some powder?

We're gonna have to take a cart
and do it ourselves.

Patience, my purse,
everything's in there.

You gotta move it into my room.

- Yeah.
- [Patience] Okay.

- Hurry.
- [Jane] Okay.

No, Val, over here.
Let them get in there.

- They should get in here and I'll take this one, yeah.
- [Jane] Yeah, yeah.

[tour guide] Now, you may
recognize the house...

[Valerie] They said the writers'
office is on the end of this street.

[Jane] Are you nervous
about the AI

making these kinds of mistakes?

Nervous? No.

You know, no matter
who's writing a script,

they need to be rewritten,
you know?

And sometimes a whole episode
is a misfire.

Happens all the time.

They know, they know.
It's not working.

So, why are you
going over there?

Just checking.

You know, want to engage.

Show support.

- [Jane] Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.

- So, that's alright.
- [Jane] Okay, you cover Val's front...

Oh, I think maybe
you'd stay here.

You know?
Just not to poke a bear

with a script... stick.

Poke a bear with a stick.

You know, "script" is more
clever. Maybe keep that.

Right? Yeah.

Okay.

[♪ "Bow Chika Wow It"
by Kali J and LiTTiE playing]

♪ Watch out, cause I'm coming
your way, yeah ♪

[lip syncing] - ♪ Nonstop,
I can do this all day, yeah ♪

♪ Go work what your mama
done gave ya ♪

♪ Mama done gave,
Mama, Mama done gave ya ♪

- ♪ Whole world all yours... ♪
- Wow, yeah.

- [♪ Music stops]
- Excuse me. Hi.

Oh, wow. You're the star.

Uh, Valerie Cherish.
Hello.

Yeah, I'm looking
for Josh and Mary.

- Upstairs.
- Thank you.

- [♪ Music resumes]
- ♪ All yours for the taking ♪

♪ Bringing home
all the cheddar and bacon ♪

♪ Got the good, good, goods,
so shake it ♪

- ♪ Goods, so shake... ♪
- [shrieks]

- So cute.
- [exclaiming]

- [grunting]
- Oh, okay.

[♪ Muffled hip-hop music
continues playing]

[Josh groaning]

- Two.
- Oh, God, it's hard!

- Okay.
- Someone's here.

- Yeah, sorry.
- It's her, it's her!

- [grunting]
- Hey, wait, wait, wait. Hey!

Hi! I loved you on Traitors.
Oh, my God.

- Could I get a quick video for my sosh?
- Aw.

Hey, look who I'm with!
What up, what up?

Yeah, um, hello, hello, hello.
Yeah.

- Say the thing.
- Huh?

The thing you said
on... on Traitors.

- Yeah.
- That, "I'm a Faithful."

- I'm a Faithful.
- "Stressful."

- Okay, that's enough.
- Stress!

'Cause now I have work to do.

Yeah, thank you.

- Valerie, did you need me?
- Yeah. Um...

[♪ hip-hop music
continues playing]

You know what? I... I'll...
I'll ask Mary, yeah.

- Okay.
- Yeah, thank you.

[Carmen] Mm!

- [Valerie] Oh.
- So good.

- Mm!
- Aw, so cute. Yeah, hi.

Um, I'm looking for Mary.
[chuckles]

Are... Are you the nanny?

I'm the Abrams'
executive assistant.

Oh, 'kay.

Mary's out back there.

Smoking.

[quietly] Okay. Okay.

Thank you.

[leaf blower whirring]

- [lighter clicking]
- [door closes]

[Valerie]
Well, look at you.

Ha-ha! I'm jealous.

I used to smoke.

I love the smell.

Still do. [Chuckles]

I love the smell of something
in the morning.

[chuckles]
That's my Robert De Niro from...

Robert Duvall
from Apocalypse Now.

Okay, anyway,
we've got our own apocalypse

on stage 24 right now.

What's the problem?
I'm writing.

Oh, you're writing!
Okay, so you've been told

and you're writing, that's good.

- How's it coming?
- Not the sitcom.

We're writing Inside Out 6.
Riley loses her virginity.

- Aw, that's great. Um, okay.
- [computer keys clacking]

Well, now about our show, um

apparently, Al has gone crazy

and hallucinated
a 53-page script

where I'm in jail with
a video game character.

- [laughing]
- Yeah.

- [continues laughing]
- Right?

Yeah, so...

[chuckles]

[sighs] Okay.

That's the first time
I've laughed in four years.

Oh, okay, yeah.
So, blowing off steam.

Important, yeah.
[chuckles]

Yeah, so okay,
that script's a wash.

Uh, and we're gonna need
a new Episode Two

from Josh and you.

Scooby-Doo. [Chuckles]

Yeah, that's... That's not what
we're supposed to be doing here.

What? What does that mean?

What are you supposed
to be doing here?

We're supposed to be
babysitting the program,

not writing.

Oh! No. No, no.

Brandon, head of NuNet,
he told me

you were the show runners.

So, yeah,
you're allowed to write.

You are.

You know, Episode Two
is important, right?

I mean, as you know,
second episode

can make or break a series.

I really need to get
this... this script in, so...

Understood, yeah.

But, um, but now what?

You know, what happens now?

You know, so I...
I've talked to the director,

talked to the writer,
and, you know, you're busy.

You've got that movie to do,
your kids are upstairs.

You know, Josh is busy.

He's lifting weights with,
I guess his trainer.

And, you know, um...

So, should I call the studio?

You don't have
to call the studio.

Well, I do, darlin',
if that's the only way

I can get a new script.

Okay, I get it.
You need a new story.

- Okay. Okay.
- Oh, good, yeah.

- That's a good idea.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, okay.
- [lighter clicking]

Oh, you've got one
going already.

It... Okay.

Okay, the...

The guy, the... The...
The comic love interest,

the schoolteacher,
I... I don't remember his name.

Oh, Wilson!
Oh, that's great.

To work him in, right?
'Cause in the pilot,

the audience really responded
to him and Beth in her bed.

- He's in my... right?
- No. No, no, no, no.

I... I can't, okay?
This is what Josh is for, okay?

I can't stand
working with actors.

That's why I'm desperate

[clearing throat]
for this shift to animation.

The studio wanted our name

on How's That?!
And they got our name.

I am not going to f*cking
teach Al how to be better.

I'm not... I'm not helping
to build the scaffold

that kills my profession.

We took this job
because if it works,

it'll be a paycheck forever.

And now, I don't even
give a f*ck if it works or not.

- I... I don't care what you need.
- [Jane] Go over there

and go to the back, like...
- I don't care what you're catching me say

- with your cameras here.
- [Valerie] Okay, well.

- [Mary] Jesus.
- [Valerie] No. No.

W-We're good
'cause I have final edit

-on those.
-Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah. You wanna call the studio?

Call the studio, 'cause...
'Cause I don't...

I don't give a f*ck about this.

How's that? How's That?!

I am just trying to get
me and my kids

out of this town
before it explodes.

So, you and Josh are never
gonna write on this, ever?

I hope Rome burns to the ground.

So, you're not... Okay.

Okay, listen up!
"50 Over 50."

There he is.
Jane, there he is.

- There's Billy.
- [Jane] Jesus.

- Yeah, no, that's good.
- [Jane] Okay.

- [organizer] Raoul Martinez?
- Billy?

- [assistant] Martinez!
- [organizer] Raoul Martinez!

-Billy.
-Oh, hey, Val. You came to watch?

- How fun!
- No, not fun, no.

- It's bad, it's bad.
- What? W-What's wrong?

She's not here to help, okay?

She's here to watch Rome
go on fire.

- Who... Who is?
- The... Mary.

- The writer lady, okay?
- Oh.

She... She's trying
to ruin the whole thing!

This is serious, Billy.
Our whole thing

- is blowing up now, alright?
- Dylan Moller?

- Yeah, you are...
- [Valerie] I need you to do something.

You gotta make a call.
I can't 'cause I've got...

I've got my doc series
and I'm acting.

And, look, I don't wanna go into
the studio with this, you know?

- Yeah.
- It's too many hats, right?

It's not sexy.
You said that yourself.

- Okay. Okay, alright.
- It's... Okay.

You know what?
I'm gonna record it

to get the words exactly right.

- Good. Okay.
- Valerie, go.

Mary just told me
she wants the show to fail.

She and Josh
are never writing again.

They're only in it
for the money.

I'm all alone there
on that stage.

They're never there.

Marco's the only one
engaging with me

over there, right?
And thank God for him.

The studio needs to step in.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

- Great.
- Okay.

Sent.

Okay. To who?

- To NuNet.
- What?!

- Why would you do that?!
- What?

You just said you didn't wanna
have to go into the studio,

so I sent a voice memo.

With my voice! Not yours!

- [sighs]
- Not yours!

I didn't want you to do that!

- God, Billy!
- [organizer] Please, stand on your assigned number.

- [Billy] What?
- [organizer] Thank you.

Say it, Val.

Okay, okay.

You really let me down today.

Alright? You're not being
a good producing partner.

- You're not.
- Okay.

Well, as long as we're saying
the uncomfortable stuff,

they want to fire Mark
off of Finance Dudes.

What?

No, no, they can't, they can't.

They... That's all he ha...
Can't do that.

He can't get fired from
a fake investment firm, too.

- He's not good.
- Well, you're not good.

Okay? There, we're even.

Never say bad things about Mark.

[organizer] Billy Stanton,
place number six, please.

Val... Bad timing, Val,
but I gotta go.

Alright, well, what if I go on
with him on Finance Dudes?

Yes, everybody would love that!

Valerie Cherish
on Finance Dudes?

- Are you kidding me? Yes!
- [organizer] Billy Stanton,

- place number six, please.
- They need you, doll.

-Billy Stanton! Place number six, please.
-Yeah, they... They need you.

Don't miss out on...

Could I get a ride back
with you guys?

- [Valerie] Yeah, well, sure.
- Thank you, Billy Stanton, um...

That was fully
f*cking disturbing.

{\an7}Who the f*ck does
that guy think he is?

{\an7}Well, Billy's just not thinking
clearly right now.

{\an7}You know, sometimes
it's just up to just me.

And that's okay. You know?

'Cause I love a challenge.

Uh, it's an opportunity
to rise to the occasion.

I am so sunburned.

{\an7}[Valerie] Not just
an actress learning lines.

{\an7}- [thudding]
- [Jane] Oh, Patience fell.

Fell off? Patience did?

- Yeah, sorry.
- That's alright.

{\an7}- You have to hold on, you know?
- Yeah.

Okay. Are you holding on?

- Yeah.
- Alright.

{\an7}- [tires screeching]
- That's... Oh, this is closed.

Yeah, alright.

Isn't this the way
we came, though?

{\an7}- So, now what?
- [Jane] I don't think so.

They closed it off? So...

Sorry, you guys
gotta be careful.

{\an7}Trying to... If we can just...
I think we could

{\an7}- get there that way, yeah.
- [organizer] Everyone, say, "50 Over 50"!

[executives] 50 Over 50!

Oh, this is closed, too.

{\an7}- [organizer] Again.
- [Valerie] Alright, so

{\an7}- [executives] 50 Over 50!
- Just have to... Turning around.

{\an7}- Turning around, yeah.
- [organizer] Again.

{\an7}- [executives] 50 over 50!
- [Valerie] Are you all...

- [Jane] Careful.
- [Valerie] Yeah.

{\an7}- [organizer] Again!
- [executives] 50 Over 50!

{\an7}[Valerie] I don't know
what I'm doing.

{\an7}[organizer]
Everyone say, "50 Over 50"!

[executives] 50 Over 50!

{\an7}- [Valerie] What am I doing?
- [organizer] Again!

[all] 50 Over 50!

- [organizer] Again!
- [all] 50 Over 50!

[♪ "Anxiety" by Doechii playing]

♪ Me ♪