[birds chirping]
[TACHIBANA] Here you go.
You wanted a peek, right?
Oh, wow. She's cute.
I could see this chick
obliterating my life.
And I wouldn't mind it
in the slightest.
♪
BEST KUSHIKATSU IN JAPAN
YOKOZUNA
PUB
AIN'T NO PLACE
FOR LOSERS HERE
[YOSHINO] We need to talk,
Gramps!
What the hell is this crap?
Let's see.
[RENJI] "A Huge Shakeup
in the Yakuza World?"
Gotta say I'm one smokin'
stud muffin
in the shot they decided
to use.
The picture
ain't the issue here!
Far from it, you moron!
It's the last part!
"Apparently,
their grandchildren
have an intimate relationship,
and sources claim
they're only getting closer.
[YOSHINO] "We highly suspect
they'll announce
their engagement
in the near future."
I'd better not be this
mystery grandkid
who's getting hitched!
But what other grandkid
could it be?
God damn it!
Okay, first off,
this Miyama guy
or whatever is living in Tokyo
and I've never met him
or his stinkin' family!
Who are these "sources"
feeding all these lies?
I'm the source!
- Huh?
- Look, Yoshino.
The fact is you're turning
seventeen this year,
yet you've shown zero interest
whatsoever in finding a boy.
But I ain't about to let
my little girl be lonely,
so I found you a guy!
And, man, is this kid
a heartthrob!
All you gotta do is picture
a younger version of Gaku
and you'll have a pretty
good idea
of what his grandson
looks like.
[RENJI]
He's the spitting image.
Did a double take
when I saw him
You and Gaku Miyama have
known each other
for a while then, haven't you?
I would never have
proposed this otherwise.
He and I go back.
Way back.
I wish you'd go back
to minding your business,
'cause I ain't gettin' married!
Could you at least meet the guy
and see if you hit it off
with him?
The only young men
you bother to talk with
are all family, so you're on
the right track to dying alone.
I would rather my grandpa
stay the hell out
of my love life, thank you!
It's a cruel twist of fate
how you were blessed
with my genes,.
then let that hotness go to
waste by being so damn guarded.
You keep on sayin'
I'm hot stuff, Gramps,
but it's Umeda night club
hostess hot,
or divorced woman
who has kids attached hot!
Who cares?
That still counts!
So transfer your hot self
to Tokyo for a bit!
You'll fit right in over there!
You're basically bilingual
since you speak the Tokyo way!
It's all the same freaking
language, Gramps,
and I don't even know
this guy's full name
or what he looks like!
Kirishima Miyama's
the grandson's name!
Okay. That name's
either fake or yakuza.
Stupid. It's real.
He ain't no yakuza.
Right now,
he's only a high schooler.
I'm tellin' you, go see
for yourself in Tokyo.
Then I'll listen
to every objection.
Really?
[YOSHINO] The first thing
I noticed was, it's huge.
[GAKU] Welcome.
I appreciate you coming
all this way.
[YOSHINO] Holy crap,
he's gorgeous!
Must hear you look like
Renji all the time.
It's so uncanny.
I do get that a lot.
They say if Gramps
lost some wrinkles
and grew some boobs,
we would be twins.
[laughs]
They're right on the money.
So, uh, anyway,
enough about me.
Is Kirishima here?
Or did he step out
for a second?
What? Haven't you realized?
He's standing right behind you.
[gasps]
I admit that worked much better
than I thought it would.
Nice to finally meet you.
I'm Kirishima Miyama.
Are you serious?
I'm sorry if my surprise
went a little bit too far.
The right moment
just never came.
Timing is everything.
How 'bout I give you
a personal tour
of the rest of the house?
[YOSHINO]
Um, well. I mean!
What do you think, huh?
About what exactly?
Once we heard you were going
to live with us here,
we remodeled this annex's
tearoom just for you.
You did?
Figured you would prefer
your own space,
and this is separated
from the main house.
Sorry, but I have
to say something.
Huh?
While I appreciate everything
you've done, really!
The consideration is no joke.
I'm still on the fence
about moving here.
I could decline and the remodel
would be a waste of time.
Oh, right.
That was my bad.
Of course you might
decline us.
- I guess I got ahead of myself.
- Huh?
There won't be any
hard feelings if you decide
this whole arrangement
is an unwelcome change.
No one would blame you.
[gasps]
I mean, you were pretty much
forced into doing this.
We only just met today,
but, like, they want us
to get engaged?
That's older than
old-fashioned.
Yup. Incredibly accurate.
You just showing up surpassed
all expectations I had.
Huh?
I'm happy that you at least
came all this way to meet me
as opposed to flat-out
saying no.
That's already more than
I would've asked.
[KIRISHIMA] Thank you.
[clock chimes]
OREN PRIVATE
HIGH SCHOOL
[Yoshino groans]
How'd a simple "he doesn't
seem all that bad"
turn into me moving
and transferring schools?
[YOSHINO] I know it's my fault
for being the pushover
in this situation,
but I also feel like I got
suckered into coming!
[chuckles]
[KIRISHIMA] Yoshino!
Sorry for the wait.
It took a lot longer
than I thought
it would to get our class
schedules sorted out.
Are you good?
Oh, yeah! I'm great!
First days are always fun!
I noticed you've got
a few classes in fine arts.
I do. And you're taking
advanced math
and science, right?
Which is awesome.
I was kind of sweating buckets
over getting accepted
into such a high-level school
since I'm not very good
when it comes to book stuff.
Unlike Mister Genius over here.
That is a not a nickname
I hoped you'd start calling me.
If it's all the same,
let's just stick with
Kirishima for now.
Didn't know there were names
you hoped I'd call you someday.
I also didn't figure
you would be the type
who always got rides
to and from school.
Oh, I'm not.
I took the car today
because of you,
but I usually opt to get here
by train.
We can arrange daily ride
for you
if you want them, though.
[YOSHINO] What? No.
Trains are fine.
[KIRISHIMA] Cool.
Your first class is down
this hallway here.
I'll come find you
after school.
[YOSHINO] I can't believe
he's a yakuza kid.
It's such a relief
he's a nice, normal person.
[Students chatter]
[FEMALE STUDENT 1A]
Hey, red. You got a second?
Huh? Are you're talking to me?
[FEMALE STUDENT 1A] Yeah.
Sorry, that just threw me
for a second.
Other kids don't come up to me
at school all that much.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1B] Why?
It doesn't matter!
So, what can I do for you?
Rumor has it Miyama was your
ride to campus this morning.
[Yoshino gasps]
He was?
Okay, so are the two
of you related?
I mean, if you came
all the way from Osaka.
Um, no.
I promise there aren't any
blood ties.
I guess you could say that
our families
are close with each other.
You guys aren't dating,
are you?
Oh. No, no!
It's not like I'm his girlfriend
or anything.
We're, um, just kinda sorta
living together for now.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1B]
You what?
Quit rambling
and wasting our time.
All we want is the tea.
Huh?
[gasps]
[FEMALE STUDENT 1A]
Whatever. Let's go.
Wait, what?
[YOSHINO] I'm catching
every girl's eye that I pass.
- [KIRISHIMA] Yoshino.
- Huh?
[chuckles]
Do you see that smile?
Everything he does is so hot!
There a reason
you're so distracted?
All the girls distracted by you
keep distracting me.
You're popular, aren't you?
I wouldn't say that.
Apart from saying
a casual "hi,"
nobody talks to me.
They know my family's yakuza
and my grandpa's the one
on top.
I was under the impression
no one here knew that secret
because no one seems
scared of you.
In this day in age,
the police come running
when they have a chance
to catch
any yakuza members
and lock them up.
Yakuza aren't very scary
to people
who don't think they pose
a real threat.
I guess that makes sense.
But doesn't the attention
get old?
What?
I mean, all the staring
and whispering
from across the room.
Doesn't that annoy you?
[KIRISHIMA] Annoy me?
Honestly, I can't say
I've ever considered it.
Who cares about
that stuff, anyway?
[gasps]
- Something wrong?
- Huh?
I was just lost in thought.
Damn it, I can't sleep!
This doesn't feel like
home at all!
[YOSHINO] If I don't sleep,
tomorrow's gonna suck!
Who cares about that
stuff anyway?
He seemed like a whole
other person then.
That's blood!
[gasps]
[panting]
He looked like a real yakuza.
[YOSHINO] So, uh, anyways, yeah.
[chuckles]
The plan was to buy
my everyday essentials
once I got here.
I hate to ask, but would you
go with me to shop?
Sure. How's tonight look?
Great! I hoped you say that!
'Kay, I've got to get to class.
That was standoffish.
[YOSHINO]
I'd say I'm overthinking,
but am I?
Doubt he was
finger painting in there.
I shouldn't let that
stress me out.
My sleep-deprived brain
is getting the better of me.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1F]
I saw that flashy new girl.
Flashy in, like, the worst way.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1H]
I'll die from cringe and shock
if that's his type.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1F] You know
about Miyama's family, right?
Well, I heard she's working
as a prost*tute
to pay off some debt to them.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1G]
There's no way!
[FEMALE STUDENT 1H]
You've seen her face.
There's totally a way!
[YOSHINO]
Oh, my God.
They would say that back
in Osaka, too.
Wherever you go,
mean girls follow.
[YOSHINO]
Screw them.
Oh, wait! Hold up!
I've gotta run to an ATM
and get some cash.
It'll only take a minute.
Don't move from this spot, 'kay?
[panting]
[MAN 1A] Hey, miss!
Your skirt's hitched up.
Huh? What? Mine?
[man 1A laughs]
Oh, maybe I was seein' things.
My bad, good-lookin'.
You goin' somewhere fun,
babe? Huh?
You shower in booze?
This girl is clearly
on the clock, guys.
Which club are you workin'?
I'm not working any because
I'm not like that. At all.
Why don't we escort
you instead?
[gasps]
[YOSHINO] Whoa.
Hold on. Are they?
ON ME
The only person who's ever
flirted with me on the streets
is Old Man Imaiand.
And he was just
a harmless goofball
from the market in Osaka!
We'll guarantee you get
where you need to go,
so don't be nervous.
Sir. This ain't a petting zoo
and I've got my own
escort already.
Shut up!
Keep on walkin'
and we'll make it worth
your while.
[YOSHINO]
I'd really rather not.
Don't be a pain in the a*s
and put up a fight, okay?
Huh?
The hell are you
supposed to be?
I'm the escort the lady
mentioned before.
Hey, let's go.
- Huh?
- Huh?
Get lost or get hurt.
The choice is yours.
- [groans]
- [both gasp]
[thud]
[glass shatter]
[groans]
[grunts]
[chuckles]
Holy!
You're laughing?
You sick b*stard.
[grunts]
Hey! Kirishima, stop!
No more.
They've been punished.
[KIRISHIMA]
Oh, sorry.
I'm just about finished here.
[Kirishima slaps]
[KIRISHIMA]
You can hear me, right?
Remember what my face
looks like.
Remember this pain
and remember to never talk
to that girl again
'cause she happens to be mine.
Go ahead and tell all of your
idiotic buddies about me, too,
and don't you dare skimp
on any of the details.
You can try getting even,
but the second you come for me,
I will slaughter you
and do the exact
same to anyone close to you.
[KIRISHIMA] Got it?
Yeah, I got it.
Okay, we can leave now.
Hang on. We should call
an ambulance for them.
[KIRISHIMA] Nah.
They aren't gonna die.
That was the first time guys
ever came onto you so hard,
wasn't it?
Huh?
Because everyone
you knew growing up
was well aware you were
Boss Somei's granddaughter
and showed the proper respect.
[KIRISHIMA] I'm sure you always
had a bodyguard, too
and I doubt he looked like
a law-abiding citizen.
Point is, be more mindful.
Tokyo's a lot different
from Osaka.
Huh?
[YOSHINO] You're right.
That was dumb.
Well, now you know. Come on.
Wait, your hoodie.
Just think, like,
what if the police see?
That's very true.
I should ditch this.
Where is it?
[gasps]
- Your tattoo. Is that what I?
- Huh?
I guess I never told you
I've gotten some ink done.
I'm sorry.
But, hey, at least you know
for next time, right?
Next time, huh?
Aw, what's the matter?
[chuckles]
[gasps]
[gasps]
Oh, jeez! I'm sorry!
I don't know what came
over me just now!
[sighs]
And that, I'm afraid,
was the final straw.
Huh?
Honestly, it's my fault.
I went and got my hopes up
stupidly high.
[KIRISHIMA] You're
Renji Somei's granddaughter,
so you have ties
to the Kirigaya Family.
Plus you're sexy as hell.
As such, I figured
you would be
an obnoxiously
spoiled princess.
Some tone-deaf brat
who's completely convinced
she's the center
of the entire universe.
Nothing gets me hotter
than the type of girl
other girls wish death on.
The type of girl so despised
she doesn't have
a single friend in the world
she can turn to.
I want a girl
who can chew me up
and then spit me out,
leaving me utterly ruined
by the end of it.
What are you saying?
Still need me to spell it out, sweetheart?
Basically,
you're way more normal
than I ever could've imagined,
and I've just gotten
bored with you.
I was intending to let you
hang around for a full year
as my main source
of entertainment,
but you're a hassle.
[KIRISHIMA] And since
you dashed my hopes, I give up.
So what now?
Back to Osaka?
You're welcome to stay here
if you want,
but I'm not about
to waste my time
on some chick
of no value to me.
[soft chuckle]
Though other guys
might be willing
if you would like to be
of service to us.
Huh?
All you've got going for you
is your face and knockout body,
so sell yourself and make
some quick cash.
[KIRISHIMA] We actually work
with an escort service.
If you work hard
and play your men right,
then you could easily
rake in a million in,
like, two months.
[KIRISHIMA] Just learn
your craft and stay clean.
Or, if you wanna go milder
there are options like facials
and vibrators.
[KIRISHIMA] Don't think
you can't handle that?
Go home.
And when you get to Osaka,
repeat what I said
word-for-word.
Be awesome if it stirs up
some serous sh*t
and kicks off a huge g*ng w*r.
My life might really
be over if so.
I can hardly wait.
[YOSHINO] How is he real?
My wildest nightmares couldn't
even do that jerk justice.
Maybe I will go back home.
[sighs]
It really hasn't been that
long since I got here.
Huh?
The heck is this?
Who stuffed my locker
full of mud?
Oh, wait. I know
what's going on here.
[YOSHINO] Bullying.
They could at least
be creative,
they pull the most
stereotypical prank there is.
Guess I'll snap a pic
for proof.
[female student 1A giggling]
I think you kinda crossed
the line.
[FEMALE STUDENT 1B]
It was your idea, wasn't it?
[students giggles]
[gasps]
Huh?
SHOMA
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN TOKYO?
[YOSHINO] No kidding.
What am I doing in Tokyo?
This is crap.
I just wanna go back home.
No, I can't run away.
- Suck it up and keep going.
- [cellphone vibrates]
Huh?
[cellphone vibrating]
SOMEI RENJI
Favorite Gramps ever here.
Everything good?
The city treating you right?
Did you really call to check,
or is something wrong out west?
[RENJI] We're fine.
A few of us were
just shootin' the breeze
and we got to talkin' about
you bein' homesick, though.
[sighs]
[RENJI]
What? What's wrong?
[YOSHINO]
It's nothing.
[RENJI]
You cryin'?
Show a little tact, Gramps.
[RENJI] Thing's goin' smoothly
with Miyama's grandson?
[Yoshino sighs]
[RENJI] One year.
[YOSHINO] What?
No matter how much
they oppress you
or ostracize you,
no matter how nasty
things become,
you're gonna stay there a year.
[RENJI] Latch on like your life
depends on it.
You got that, Yoshino?
You're gonna make that kid
fall so in love with you,
it kills him a little each day,
all right?
And once your year is up,
dump his a*s
and come back home.
That there's the best revenge
you can get on a guy.
Huh?
[RENJI] Lots of women dumped
my a*s, too, so I know!
When I was younger,
I got caught three-timing.
And when all three threw me
into a lake,
I thought I was a goner!
[Renji laughs]
[RENJI] Oh, that's a good note
to end on!
Talk to you later! Bye!
Every guy in my life is trash
and I don't think I can
take it anymore!
[exhales]
[inhales]
If I really got his hopes
so high,
the least I can do is
bring him back down to earth.
[YOSHINO]
Hey. It's Yoshino.
[TACHIBANA]
Haven't seen that girl around.
Where is she?
[KIRISHIMA]
Who knows?
Last I saw her
was two weeks ago,
and then she vanished
into thin air.
"Vanished?"
Yeah, right.
I'm sure you were the magician.
You want the boss to k*ll you?
[laughs]
[KIRISHIMA] The thrill
of that danger
is what makes me test him.
You're so creepy,
you damn masochistic freak.
[Kirishima chuckles]
Good mornin', Kirishima.
Huh?
I haven't seen you in a while,
but I'm sure you're doing well.
You know me.
How have you been
these past weeks?
Still alive, I guess.
Did you assume
I packed and went home?
Yes.
Made the most sense.
Well, do you remember
what you said?
How my only assets
were my face and body
and I should sell myself
for easy money?
Yeah.
I remember.
Your words made my skin
crawl at the time.
Huh?
But, then I thought,
"Hey, maybe I will."
One of my kidneys sold
for four million.
[gasps]
Where on earth would you sell
a kidney like that?
Down in Shikoku.
I have contacts down there.
They used an endoscope
to take it out.
I'm gonna have to live
the rest of my life
on a low-sodium diet,
thanks to this little stunt.
I should head to class before
I'm marked t*rd, though.
And I ain't goin' back to Osaka
anytime soon
'cause I don't give
a rat's furry a*s
if you're some masochistic
shitbag with bad taste.
[gasps]
But, if you mess around,
you will find out.
So don't get c*ck.
Hey! Same goes for you
three over there.
I know I can play
the goody-two-shoes
until the day I die,
and I also know it's gonna be
a real shitty death.
So why don't you try me.
I could be dying
and coughing up blood,
but I'll drag you right down
to hell as I'm falling.
I'll obliterate your lives
like you're bugs!
[gasps]
Well, I just thought that
you should be aware.
Huh?
[gasps]
Uh, what?
[chuckles]
I love you!
[flabbergasted]
My heart's in overdrive!
I've never felt so thrilled,
like, ever.
I've got chills!
If that doesn't mean
I'm in love, then what does?
I, um
It's love!
Marry me, Yoshino!
Please take my hand
and demolish my life!
[gasps]
I knew you were messed up,
but this is nuts!
Two weeks ago, you sang
a very different tune!
Oh, yeah. I'm really sorry
for that!
You're such a piece
But I've seen the light and the
error of my ways thanks to you.
[KIRISHIMA] I'm in love
and my b*ner proves it!
[YOSHINO]
Why are you so gross?
[GAKU]
All right. Understood.
I'll give the memo
to my boys, too.
Careful out there.
Did something big happen, boss?
Not sure if it qualifies
as "big,"
but it's certainly irritating.
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