[crickets and birds chirping]
[whistling]
[Travis] Let's go, Tarzan,
while we're young.
Any requests, fellas?
-Do a flip!
-Flip!
-Flip!
-Flip!
[ululating]
Flip. Flip.
-Oh!
-Oh!
["Take On Me" playing]
[Travis] Incoming! [laughs]
Damn it, Travis.
I was in the zone.
I gave you plenty of time
to clear.
What are you doing
down here anyway?
Looking for a kindred spirit.
-Oh, really? That's interesting.
-What?
That's what your mom told me
at breakfast this morning.
[singers] Take on me
[blows trumpet]
[singers] Take me on
I'll be gone
[singer] In a day or two...
Let's get down, baby.
All right, our ride's here.
Let's go.
[indistinct chatter]
Danny boy. Right on time, baby.
I got flipped off three times
on the way over here
for holding up traffic.
Hey, that builds character.
I'm proud of you.
[Loney] You weren't followed,
were you?
No one cares
about your stupid secret
mud puddle of a swimming hole.
Hey, that "stupid mud puddle"
is one of the last
remaining hidden gems
in this whole city, okay?
We'll take the back roads
just in the case.
[horn toots]
-Whoo!
-Let's go, baby.
-Beer me.
-[Danny] You guys are gonna
get us all thrown in jail.
[Ray]
Oh, it's a government vehicle.
We got diplomatic immunity.
Immunity my a*s.
This thing
isn't even street legal.
-Hey. What's eating you, bud?
-Our annual review
with the Greenspace Authority
is tomorrow.
Oh, buddy, you got to relax
about the Greenspace Authority.
Every year,
the night before our review,
I take out Greenspace director
Larry Alsmeyer
out for a Steak and Shake
at the Yellow Rose.
And every year,
our lease is magically renewed.
-Yup.
-Well, Larry is not doing
the review this year.
-It's some guy named Sam.
-What? Who's Sam?
I don't know.
The email was sent to you.
Well, I texted Larry earlier
this week to confirm dinner,
and he responded with a boobs,
beer, and tongue emoji.
Check it out.
-[chuckles]
-How old are you?
Forty-two. Why?
-[singers] Take me on
-[cheering]
[Dale] It's another
beautiful day at Muny.
Forecast calls
for sunny skies, tight lies,
and a serious case
of swamp a*s.
This is your course marshal
and ordained shaman,
Dale Stockton, coming at you
with a friendly reminder
to keep up the pace of play,
replace your divots, or don't,
and limit your foursomes
to 12 people.
Now we have a special
at the clubhouse grill
on locally-sourced venison
brought to you
by yours truly, and my .30-06.
Kaboom!
If you plan
on playing barefoot,
we are losing the w*r
against the fire ants,
so tread lightly out there,
sweet people.
Same goes
for the water moccasins,
if you plan on taking a dip
in the pond on 15.
Now I'll be back in blackjack
in the clubhouse
after sundown for those
who are feeling lucky.
In the meantime,
swing easy out there
and play the game
the way it was intended.
Drunk as a skunk
and free as scorecards.
Y'all be good.
All right, boys. Let's see it.
Nice and easy.
All right. Well,
that was neither nice nor easy.
Can we take a break,
Mr. Mueller?
They say it takes
10,000 hours of practice
to achieve greatness, Marcus.
You're only 9,999 away, buddy.
Jesus. Jess, it's a driver,
not a fly swatter.
All right, guys.
Stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
Any of you all
ever slow danced before?
Probably not. All right.
Well, the game of golf
is a lot like
dancing the two-step.
All you need is rhythm,
timing, and feel.
And this,
this right here
is your dance partner.
Mwah. All right?
And just like
on the dance floor,
all you need is three things.
Excuse me.
Loose grip,
steady eye contact, and rhythm.
All right?
And once you realize that,
you can take her right,
you can take her left,
and you can take her
straight down the dance floor.
All right.
Get it? Great.
Now swing your partner
to the music. Here we go.
["Recipe for Happiness"
by Jimmy Self playing]
[Ray] One, two, three, four.
One, two, three, four.
Love it.
Now get on that dance floor
and give that ball a ride, baby.
Come on.
[singer]
...make my dreams come...
-[Ray] There we go.
-[g*nsh*t]
-[Dale] I got him!
-[sighs]
Don't worry, guys.
It's just Dale...
brandishing a firearm
on a public course.
Lookie, lookie,
lookie what I got here.
I caught him sneaking around
the hen house.
Dale, what did I tell you
about g*ns on the course?
You don't know, Ray.
You weren't there.
It was either him or me.
He charged me.
[Loney]
What is wrong with you, woman?
-What are you doing?
-Look who I caught
rifling through
the cash register.
I was just trying to swap
my change for dollars.
Roberta, it's okay.
You can let him go.
Ow!
Oh, you caught the coyote.
Yes, ma'am, Ms. Roberta.
I was gonna splay him
on the fence,
ward off his kin.
Uh, no, no.
You were gonna give Mr. Coyote
-a proper burial.
-Uh-huh. Yeah.
And a candlelight vigil
and everything.
Yeah, uh, yeah, proper burial,
for sure. I'm-- I'm on it.
Can I please get back
to my lesson?
Thank you.
Good work, Dale.
["Recipe for Happiness"
continues playing]
[singer] You're everything
I'll ever need
To make
My dreams come true
You're my recipe
For happiness
-That's you
-Be right back, boys.
[horn honks]
[cheering]
-Hey, hey!
-What's up, buddy?
-Yeah.
-Your party's here.
-What's up, dude?
-[Travis] How you doing?
-[Loney] Yo, where's Larry?
-You know, I don't know.
He's not answering my texts.
Okay. You guys got your things?
Great. Let's roll.
Ladies are gonna love you.
[rock music playing]
[Loney] Whoo!
-[Travis] Yeah.
-Yeah.
-Hi, gentlemen.
-Hey.
What can I get you all?
Ooh. Can I please have a Shiner?
Can I get a coke
with a lot of ice, please?
-Thank you.
-Tap water is fine with me.
Can I get these in coins, too?
Oh, okay.
We got some high rollers
here tonight.
Sorry about that.
[DJ] Okay,
school is back in session.
Please welcome
to the main stage,
everyone's favorite teacher,
-Ms. Jasmine.
-[cheering and applause]
-Jasmine!
-Whoo.
Ooh.
-Hey now!
-Ooh.
Hey, I think something's up.
Larry should have been here
by now.
Yeah. That's, uh, honestly
pretty low on my list
of priorities right now.
I guess she didn't get the memo
that Jasmine's already got
the "Hot for Teacher" look
tonight.
[laughs] Oh!
Substitute? I don't know.
[laughter]
Oh, bro, I think
she's into you. Look.
Oh, come on.
-[Loney] Look, look.
-[Ray] Oh.
Be cool, be cool, be cool.
-[Sam] Hi.
-Well, hello.
You know,
I wasn't really planning
on getting the dance tonight
until you showed up.
-Excuse me?
-So, do you need to go change
or is this one
of those tear-away outfits?
I'm from
the Greenspace Authority.
That's a weird stripper angle,
but all right.
-Right.
-I'm Ray.
I know.
I'm Sam
with the Austin
Greenspace Authority.
[singer] Take it from me
-Hmm, Ray.
-Is she for real?
I think that's a--
Thank you, Jasmine.
-Sorry.
-Leave us some more money.
Oh.
[Travis] That looks like
a tomorrow problem now.
Wait. Wait, wait, wait.
I am so sorry. [chuckles]
Um, hey.
How did you, uh, know
that I was here?
Larry's phone.
They confiscated it
after he was terminated.
Larry's been fired?
-For what?
-Look, Ray. I'll be blunt.
The city's taking a hard look
at all of its programs
and Austin Municipal
has been running
in the negative ROI
for a few years now.
Negative ROI?
Return on investment.
-Oh, R-O-I.
-[Sam] Yes.
And I have been tasked
with assessing
the opportunity cost
of continuing its operation.
Mm-hmm. So what's your plan?
Well, I'm scheduled
to tour the course tomorrow,
-so let's start there.
-[Ray] Great.
Remind me of the-- the time?
9:00 a.m. Did you not get
my calendar invite?
Uh-- Oh!
Yup. Calen--
Yes, of course I did.
-9:00 a.m., calendar invite.
-[Sam] Great!
-Yeah.
-[Sam] I'll see you tomorrow.
All right. See you then.
What the hell
is a calendar invite?
All right. I wanna thank you all
for coming in
-on such short notice.
-This better be good.
This is a football weekend.
I could be making a k*lling,
driving drunk tailgaters
to the stadium right now.
[Dale clears throat]
All righty then.
Let the record show
that the Board of Governors
of a one
Austin Municipal Golf Course
have convened
for a special session.
Uh, Dale,
we don't really have time to--
When I call your name,
I want you to indicate
your participation
by responding, "Present!"
Secretary Daniel Nguyen.
Present.
[Dale]
Treasurer Roberta Solomon.
-Present.
-Sergeant-at-Arms Dale Stockton.
Present.
Oh, sh**t fire.
I'm sorry, Ray.
Let's go ahead and start over
because I remember
doing this alphabetically
-last time.
-Motion to skip roll call!
-[all] Second!
-Great. All right,
the reason I called
you guys all in here today
is because
there is a new woman working
in Austin Greenspace Authority,
and she could be
a real problem for us.
-Travis?
-[clears throat] Thank you.
Take the, uh,
golden putter, Travis?
Thanks, Dale.
Okay, guys.
This is Samantha Lambert,
AKA Sam.
Recently moved here
from California.
She graduated from
the University of
California Southern
where she was a cheerleader.
She also has
a tech bro boyfriend
from the Bay Area who is also
a recent Austin transplant.
-[all] Wow.
-[Ray] Yup.
[Travis]
Her Instagram is littered
with vegetarian recipes.
I don't trust nobody
who won't eat meat.
Now, those are all
damnable offenses, to be sure.
But what worries me most
about Ms. Lambert
is she may not fully grasp
the importance
of a place like Muny.
So, I prepared
some talking points
for each one of you
ahead of her coming today.
Check these out.
"Muny is more
than just a golf course.
It's an Austin institution.
Ray is a selfless leader..."
[laughs]
"...often putting the needs
of golfers and coworkers
-ahead of his own."
-That's right.
"Ray doesn't just give
golf lessons.
He gives life lessons."
"I consider Ray like a son"?
-[Ray] Mm-hmm.
-You do realize
I'm a good two years younger
than you, right?
Yeah, no, I know.
Just work with me here.
Uh-uh-uh.
I ain't reading this bullshit.
If she wants to find out
the truth
of what's going on around here,
-she's gonna get it.
-Oh, really?
Like how you swapped out
the snack concessions
for, uh, your daughter's
girl scout cookies,
-like that?
-Ooh.
That was-- That--
That was a good cause.
Raised enough money
to have a troop camp out
-on the 12th fairway.
-[Roberta] Mm-hmm.
-Bonfire and everything?
-Oh, what about you,
Mr. High and Mighty?
I'm sure that gal
would love to hear
about how you live rent-free
in Airstream
right here on the course?
That Airstream is a break room
for golf professionals.
Golf professional.
-Yes, smoke breaks maybe.
-[Ray] Okay. You know what?
You are out of order,
Ms. Solomon.
I'm holding the golden putter,
so I get to talk
-and you don't--
-Give me that club!
-Hey-- Hey-- No!
-Give me that club! Club!
-[Roberta] Give me-- Give me--
-[Ray] Just-- Stop. Seriously.
Give me the club.
-Give me the club.
-Son of a b*tch!
-[Roberta] Give me--
-Guys, stop!
I literally got
all those golf carts...
[indistinct chatter]
Jeez, you're strong.
-[Roberta] Thank you.
-[Ray] Please, Roberta.
[Roberta] Ah, never!
-Never!
-[vocalizing]
What is he doing?
We need harmony!
-What?
-Go a third lower
before he passes out!
[vocalizing]
[all vocalizing]
[laughs] That was pretty good.
-That was pretty good.
-That was all right.
Guys, I don't think
we have anything to worry about.
One day hanging with this crew
and Ms. Lambert will fall
in love with this place.
And maybe she'll forget
you thought she was a stripper.
Dale, take us home, baby.
Okay. Muny on three.
-One, two, three...
-[all] Muny!
[singing bowl dings]
[breathes in and out]
Morning, hon.
Did you get
a cold plunge in, babe?
I'm not the morning person
you are.
You know, morning
is just a fictional construct
based on an arbitrary number
of daylight hours.
You need to retrain
your circadian rhythms
to ignore the effects
of darkness and light.
[exhales]
-It's a game changer.
-Mm-hmm.
-What do you have today?
-Um, I got a call
with the board at 10:00
about possible locations
for our new corporate HQ.
I'm doing Rogan's podcast
at noon.
He's obsessed with AI.
And then I'm touring Austin
National Golf Course at 2:00.
You know that they want
250K to join?
I thought that Texas
was supposed to be cheap.
Well, you can play
at Austin Municipal
anytime you want for 30 bucks.
30 bucks?
Hmph. Must be a real dump.
Well, I'll find out today.
I mean, the location's amazing.
It's only five minutes
outside of downtown
-on the west side.
-Really?
-No.
-How many acres?
-No.
-[Dylan] Come on.
-No.
-Babe, come on.
I mean, picture this.
Strait Technologies,
five minutes from downtown.
Elon would sh*t his pants.
I'm getting a b*ner
thinking about it.
[chuckles] My job is to turn
the course around,
not find a new buyer.
Your job is to turn
your career around.
I just don't want this turning
into another Fremont fiasco
for you.
Right.
[Dylan] Listen.
Tonight, we're having dinner
with a couple
who's gonna sponsor me
at Austin National Golf Club,
so wear something
short and tight.
You might have to settle
for hot and sweaty.
-Oh, that's a good look too.
-Hmm.
-Bye, babe.
-Bye.
-All right.
-Have a good day.
-I'm gonna do some breath work.
-Okay.
Raise my consciousness.
-[horn toots]
-Hi there.
Welcome to Austin Municipal
Golf Course.
May I take your golf bag, ma'am?
Oh, I'm-- I'm not here
to play golf.
Oh. Uh, well, perhaps a ride
to the clubhouse then?
You mean
that building behind you?
Yes, ma'am.
Yeah, I think I'm good.
Oh. [chuckles]
-Um-- Yeah.
-Oh.
-[giggles]
-Bye.
[Danny humming]
I'll be right here
if you need anything.
Sam. Welcome to Muny.
I see you've already met Danny.
These are the other members
of our team,
Roberta Solomon
and Dale Stockton.
Hello.
Hello. How are you?
You didn't tell me
she was such a hottie
with a body there, Sugar Ray.
Well, that's because
that would be
an inappropriate thing to say
to a woman in the workplace,
-as we all know.
-[Dale] I hear it now.
Uh, can I get you something
from the grill?
Coffee? Juice?
Freshly-made
veggie breakfast taco?
Thank you, but I'm--
I'm actually a vegan.
No eggs.
You told me
she was a vegetarian.
-Sorry?
-N-Nothing.
Would you like to take a tour
of the course?
-[Sam] Yeah.
-Great.
Austin Municipal Golf Course,
founded in 1916
as a recreational haven
for the people.
With over 130 acres of unspoiled
central Texas beauty,
Muny has been a destination
for everyone
who enjoys the outdoors
for over a century.
It also has the distinction
of being the first course
in Texas
to allow women on the grounds.
-It's pretty cool.
-I saw that.
-Yeah.
-I also saw that dogs
were given the same right
eight years earlier.
Wow, you really do
your research, huh?
So what's with that sign
out front,
-"Swingers Welcome"?
-Yeah.
Yeah, I don't think it carried
the same meaning in 1916
as it does today,
but, uh, you know, we like it.
It's kind of a running joke.
Although, if you see
a yellow ribbon
on the back
of someone's golf bag...
That was a joke.
It's a joke.
Hey, if it isn't the Abernathys
and the Vaughns.
Yeah, we're a popular option
to the seniors of the community.
[Sam] What's the green fee
for seniors?
[Ray] Ten bucks.
20, if they wanna use a cart,
but a lot of them
have their own.
-[Sam] That's quite a deal.
-[Ray] Mm-hmm.
-Aren't you gonna say something?
-What? Oh, right.
Great shot, Ms. Abernathy!
Yeah. [laughs]
-They're the best.
-Mm-hmm.
-[screaming]
-Yeah!
[cheering]
[slow music playing]
[birds chirping]
-I think we should turn around.
-Oh, no, no,
we're good. We're good.
Good day, Sir James.
We are but mere travelers
along this road.
We seek no quarrel.
Then ye best beware.
A battle is set to be waged
in yon field.
I must squire this maiden
'round the domain.
Grant us safe passage.
Granted.
Though I must warn you,
we no longer control the lands
beyond the front nine.
A band of wild heathens
hath overrun the vale.
We shall take heed.
Excuse me, Sir James.
[clears throat]
You got to use the accent
-or else he won't respond.
-Are you kidding me?
No, no. Go for it. You got it.
[clears throat]
-Sir James.
-Yes, my lady.
Would you continue
to use this course
if they charged a nominal fee?
-A fee?
-[Sam] Yes.
Or some kind of membership,
like, a hundred pounds
per month perhaps?
Good luck with your duel,
Sir James.
I've given it all to the crown.
What's due,
they take, take, take!
Why didn't you let him answer?
[sighs]
The rent in this city
has gone up
more than 10% every year
for the last five years.
There's no free parking
anywhere close to downtown.
Every new road has a toll on it.
People are tired
of getting squeezed, Sam.
Guess what?
Austin's a big-boy city now.
-It's got bills to pay.
-Well, I just think
dressing up
like a medieval knight
and smiting your buddies
with a foam sword
on a golf course is a privilege
you shouldn't have to pay for.
There are plenty of places
they can do that.
This course
is a valuable city asset
that operates at a loss.
If that can't be fix, then...
Then what?
I think I've seen enough.
Unless there are more surprises
around the bend.
As you wish, m'lady.
-[phone beeps]
-[Sam] All right.
Well, we're just gonna start
with your name
and what it is you do here.
I knew that.
Dale Stockton.
I'm a pro shop manager,
golf cart mechanic,
and course marshal.
Daniel Nguyen.
I'm head greenskeeper,
social media manager,
and IT specialist.
Uh, Roberta Solomon.
A bookkeeper,
a purchasing manager,
and grill cook.
Muny for me
is an Austin institution.
Our mission at Muny
is to provide
recreational services
for the common man.
Ray is a-- Selfish?
Selfless leader.
Ray doesn't just give
life lessons,
he gives golf lessons. Wait--
I think of Ray like a son.
[Sam] I mean, aren't you
basically the same age as him?
Yes. Thank you.
But-- But he's like family.
Maybe more of a big brother.
Mm-hmm. Okay.
Well, let's continue
to talk about Ray.
He teaches beginners golf
Monday, Wednesdays, and Fridays,
and averages about
four private lessons a week.
Yeah, that sounds about right.
So what I'm wondering is,
what does he do
with the rest of his time?
I'm sorry?
What does Ray do?
I'll tell you what.
What doesn't he do? [chuckles]
Uh...
[soft upbeat music playing]
He-- He--
He locks up every night
before he goes to bed.
[Sam]
You mean before he goes home?
Yes. Yes, that is what I mean.
Before he goes home
far away from here.
Um, then what can you tell me
about this, uh,
Loose Cannon Open?
Oh, so that--
that's all Ray, right?
That is an annual
golf tournament we put on.
Okay. So he applies
for the permits,
puts together a budget,
gathers up the necessary
liability waivers,
-things like that?
-He...
drives around in a golf cart
dressed as a pirate
firing a t-shirt cannon.
I see.
But there's--
there's more to it than that.
You know, it--
it's hard to explain.
This place wouldn't be the same
without Ray.
No, I-- I get the picture.
-[Travis clears throat]
-Excuse me.
I still have a few questions
for Ms. Solomon.
That's very interesting
because we have
-a couple questions for you.
-And you are?
-Quinton Loneman.
-Travis Burnett.
Concerned citizens
and honorary Muny board members.
[clears throat]
What is the state flower
of Texas?
[Sam] I have no idea.
[Loney] Name two rivers
you can go tubing on
-in Central Texas.
-No clue.
Hmm, 0 for 2.
[Loney] What is
the year-round temperature
-of Barton Springs Pool?
-Who cares?
We care.
You know, this city cares.
And if you don't,
you could go back to California
with y-your wildfires
and your earthquakes
and-- and--
-and weak-a*s salsa.
-Weak-a*s salsa.
And our beaches
and our mountains
and our wine country
and our perfect climate?
You Texans are so proud
of your state. And for what?
Barbecue and battles
that were fought
over a hundred fifty years ago?
Don't you realize
that all these bravado
just makes you look
small and insecure?
No.
Now, if you don't have
any more questions for me,
I'd like to get back
to my conversation
with Ms. Solomon--
[Travis] I do actually have
one question before you go.
Indulge me.
Do you, uh, remember who won
the College Football
National Championship in 2005?
I have no idea.
Oh, but I think you do.
But in case you don't,
I'll try and jog your memory.
It's January 4th, 2006,
the historic Rose Bowl
in Pasadena, California.
Longhorns are down four,
they're on the ten-yard line.
They're driving. It's 4th & 5
with the National Championship
on the line.
Vince Young takes the snap.
He looks left. No one's there.
Scrambles right.
He's going for the pylon!
He's got it.
Vince Young has got it.
-Touchdown! Yeah!
-Yeah!
-Horns go end!
-Whoo!
Woo!
And I got the score around here
-in case you forgot.
-Those refs screwed us, okay?
There were at least
four missed holding calls
-on that last drive.
-Texas fight,
-Texas fight.
-Texas fight.
Cal Southern was the better team
and you know it.
-[Travis] ...we love best
-[Sam] You know it.
-You know it!
-Guys, guys, guys, hey.
[chuckles] What's going on?
Um, I was just going
on a little trip down
college football memory lane
with Ms. Lambert here.
Damn it, Travis.
Um, shall we?
Okay.
-Nailed it.
-[Loney] Nailed it.
Hey, uh, sorry about those two.
They're just really passionate
about this place.
No, it's-- it's okay.
I overreacted, so...
What'd you say we continue this
over a happy hour margs?
I got some great ideas
about how to improve Muny's ROI
and the opportunity cost thing.
Thank you,
but I think I got what I need.
I'll keep in touch.
Great. Okay.
[breathes deeply]
[acoustic music playing]
You showed her the tattoo,
didn't you?
You're g*dd*mn right I did.
She's gonna be trouble.
Really good-looking trouble.
[birds chirping]
Hi. Sorry, I'm late.
Oh, we're all good.
We just sat down.
-Sam...
-[Elise] Hello.
...meet Jay and Elise Crowley.
-Hi.
-Pleasure.
The Crowleys
have graciously agreed
to sponsor us here
in Austin National.
Hey, anything
for a fellow Stanford man.
[Dylan chuckles]
Well, Dylan was just telling us
about all the amazing things
-they're doing in his company.
-Oh, it's nothing really.
Just the complete re-orientation
of the workplace
through the utilization
of AI and human consciousness.
I mean, we're making it
so that human capital,
like Jos here,
will be unburdened
from mundane jobs such as these
and reallocated
to more value-added disciplines.
-Mm-hmm.
-Well, what if Jos
doesn't wanna be "unburdened"?
What if he's fine
with the way things are?
Fine doesn't forge steel.
Only fire and ferocity.
-Was that Hemmingway?
-Rogan.
The man is a prophet.
So, Elise, what do you do?
I'm a real estate broker.
[Jay] Which means
she spends all her time
playing tennis
and luncheon with the ladies
here at the club every day.
It's called networking, Jay.
Oh, excuse me.
-What about you?
-I'm a consultant.
I, um, try
to help municipalities
manage their budgets better.
-It's really boring.
-She's being modest.
She was the youngest
city manager
in the history of the Bay Area.
-Wow, impressive.
-[Elise] Mm-hmm.
And she got conned
into this mass transit plan
that nearly bankrupted
the City of Fremont.
That's not entirely accurate.
How many times
I got to tell you, babe?
You got to look
at all the angles.
Now she's helping
the city not make
the same mistake
with their greenspace.
What was the name of that course
you were at today?
-Austin Municipal.
-Muny?
Is it still a freak show
over there?
It's-- It's pretty eclectic.
Eclectic.
Say, Elise,
what do you think that land
would fetch in the open market?
Do you need a broker?
'Cause I could run
an assessment for you,
free of charge.
-We love free.
-Mm-hmm.
[Elise chuckles]
Thank you. That would--
That would be nice.
Yeah.
[Dylan] Feel that synergy?
That's the fifth dimension,
quantum realm.
[lawn mower whirring]
Does anybody know
what this meeting is about?
She's probably
gonna have us shitcanned
and replaced by robots.
No, nobody's getting shitcanned
or replaced by robots.
How do you know?
Because Muny
is an iconic Austin institution.
You know what?
That's what they said
about Threadgill's.
[Sam] Good morning, everyone.
-Hi all.
-Morning.
-Hi.
-[Sam] Hello.
All right.
Would anyone care to guess
what this is?
-Today's lotto numbers?
-[laughter]
It's the course's
accumulated budget deficit
for the first five months
of the year.
Now, I'm not gonna point fingers
at anyone,
but clearly this is not
a sustainable business model.
I'm sorry. Are we running
a for-profit business here?
Because last time I checked,
Austin Municipal
is a municipally-funded
golf course.
Kind of right there in the name.
Okay. Well,
here's another number for you.
This is the city's
budget deficit last year.
Oh, great.
So now we're responsible
for the entire city
being underwater?
My point is
this town
has gotten itself into a hole
and can no longer fund things
the way that it used to.
The good news is
there's still hope for Muny.
There you go.
-Thanks.
-[Sam] Pass one around.
Through a combination
of better resource utilization,
pricing adjustments,
and branding,
I think that we can turn
the financial fortunes
of Muny around.
Wait a minute.
I'm supposed to coach
six lessons a day?
Is that a problem?
$10 for a grilled cheese?
Inflation.
"Automate lower-form functions."
The robots are coming!
We're finally instituting
a dress code.
Guys, I know.
Change is hard, okay?
But these are the things
you're going to need to do
in order to survive.
Bottom line is,
if we don't erase the deficit
by the end of the quarter,
the city will shut Muny down.
May I make a suggestion
or is this a dictatorship?
Be my guest.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
I suggest
that we make
this year's Loose Cannon...
the biggest one yet.
Yes.
You mean the event
that's cost the city
$20,000 annually to put on?
That's your plan
for financial stability?
Yeah, that's the one. Uh-huh.
But this year,
we make it a fundraiser.
We get local bands,
celebrities, auction items.
I think that we need
to concentrate
on more sustainable solutions.
Trust me, this town
will rally around a good cause.
We just, you know,
got to get the word out.
Great. You run with that.
And in the meantime,
I'd appreciate it
if you'd familiarize yourself
with the manual, okay?
Roberta, Danny,
can you come with me, please?
Uh, okay.
[Sam] Thank you.
[Danny] All right. Well...
Why do you think she chose
those two to run off with?
Mind games, Dale.
She's trying to pit us
against each other.
Well, sorry, Samantha.
It's gonna take a little more
than playing favorites
to tear this family apart.
[laughter]
But I'm--
I'm a favorite though, right?
In lieu
of my usual morning musings,
I've been asked to make
the following announcements.
Austin Municipal
is a city-owned facility
designed for the exclusive
use of golfers.
All other activities
including live-action
role playing are strictly...
Not my doing.
...prohibited.
Proper golf attire is required
for the duration
of your round.
Remember:
no collar, don't bother.
We now have
a zero-tolerance policy
on outside food and beverages
on the course.
Any patrons caught
violating this rule
will be asked
to leave immediately.
Wanna improve your game?
Head pro Ray Mueller
has graciously agreed
to expand his availability,
so book a lesson today.
So tell your friends.
We put the pal back
in Austin Municipal.
["I'm Just a Clown"
by Charles Crockett playing]
[singer] The joker
Stands in the middle
And turns a trick for you
Because sometimes
You know, it's better
To be thought of...
[Travis] So, Muny,
another local institution
-biting the dust.
-Oh, don't be so dramatic.
So you can't wear
a tank top and bring
your own Natty Light
to the course anymore.
Big deal.
Tucking a shirt on the course
-is just wrong.
-Yeah.
I, for one, am a fan
of the changes.
Well, does anyone else
feel this way?
No.
Oh, damn it.
I mean, this woman
is tearing our family apart.
Aw. Pobrecito.
That mean lady's making you
do your job.
No. No, it's not that.
Although, my new workload
is quite inhumane.
The real issue here
is that Muny is losing its soul.
Amen to that, brother.
She won't even let me make
with the funny-funny
over the PA system anymore.
I got this one joke,
and let's just say
the punch line is,
"Hey, that's not
my belly button."
And he says, "Hey, that's okay.
That's not my thumb."
Stop. Just stop.
How about you tell that
to me later?
It's all good, Roberta.
-Sure.
And another thing.
Why didn't y'all back me up
with my big Loose Cannon idea?
Because Sam's right.
You know, we needed
real solutions to our problems.
Not a Hail Mary.
People can book
tee times online now.
And I finally have a marketing
budget because of her.
Wait, you have
a marketing budget?
Yeah. For, um,
social media engagement,
SEO, stuff like that.
Well, I don't know
what any of that means,
but it doesn't sound like
it would make the same impact
like a-- like a big time
Loose Cannon would have.
[Travis] Sure.
How do you make
Loose Cannon big time?
My band will play.
Boom. There we go. Huh?
And I guess I could bring
the henhouse to the course
and-- and ramp up
the chicken sh*t bingo.
Yeah, baby. Now we're talking.
Ooh. And I can bring a couple
sex dolls from Pleasureland.
We can raffle 'em off
with like some gimp masks
-and some butt plugs.
-Okay. Yeah.
You know, we're trying
to keep it family-friendly,
but I like
where you're at, T-Bone.
-[Travis] Okay. You see,
this is the kinda
can-do Muny spirit
I'm talking about.
Well, how about you can-do
another round of beer?
Can do.
[upbeat music playing]
[scoffs]
[indistinct chatter]
So good. How do you do it?
You bought
a frigging billboard ad?
Yeah. Turns out
there was more money
in the marketing budget
than I realized.
And who told you
you could do that?
You did, remember?
"Run with that idea."
Your words.
That was not a mandate
for you to--
Sorry. This is a private party,
and, um, the guest of honor
just arrived,
so excuse me.
Hey, everybody, bring it in.
I got something to say.
That's right.
Angela, get up here.
Angela, everybody.
[cheers and applause]
[Ray] Hey, buddy.
About ten years ago,
a scrawny, shy kid named Angela
started hanging around here.
She never played.
Never had a lesson.
Hell, I don't think
you ever even held a club
in your hand in your life.
But she would watch
and she would study.
And then, one day,
Angela finally got
the courage up to ask me
if she could collect
some stray ba*ls
from around the course.
I said,
"Knock yourself out, kid.
What do I care?"
Next thing I know,
Angela had a stand set up
coming off the 18th green,
reselling the golf ba*ls
to the very players
who had just lost them
about an hour ago.
[laughter]
Soon enough,
Angela made enough money
to buy a set of old clubs
for herself.
For the next ten years,
she went to work
on that driving range,
practicing,
grinding shot after shot.
And today, still pretty shy,
she can knock the snot
outta that golf ball.
Which is why she is now
a division-one golfer
with a full-ride scholarship
to Oklahoma Tech.
-Come on. Come on!
-[cheers and applause]
You know, some people
look at this course
and all they see are its flaws.
Well, I see something different.
I see a place where a shy,
sweet kid can feel at home
and follow her dreams.
A place where people
from all walks of life
can feel welcome.
A place where people
can let their freak flags fly
'cause why the hell not, baby?
-[laughter]
-[man] Yeah!
But most of all, I see Austin.
So congratulations, Angela.
We love you, darling.
We're so proud of you.
Somebody please turn up
the music before I start crying
and take down
that Oklahoma Tech flag.
Okay? This is Longhorn country.
[cheers and applause]
["Way Down Texas Way"
by Asleep at the Wheel playing]
So proud of you.
[singer]
Adios, goodbye amigos
I am leaving you today
Ain't nobody
Around this town
That's gonna miss me
Anyway
This old
Money making's taken
All the time
I have to play
Mama hush your mouth
I'm heading south
Way down Texas way
Way down Texas way...
You know, people wanna move here
for the Austin way of life.
-Well, this is it.
-Look,
we both feel the same way,
but at the end of the day,
we have to do what's best
for the community.
How long have you lived here?
-Oh, three months.
-Exactly.
How can you decide
what's best for the community
when you don't even know it?
I tell you what.
The course is closed tomorrow.
If I make this putt,
you agree to spend the day
with me and the team
and get to know this town.
Okay. Fine.
But if you miss it, you agree
to take the billboard down
and to buy into
what I'm trying to do here.
-Deal.
-All right.
[clears throat]
[clears throat]
[clears throat]
That is cheating.
Putt's a putt and a bet's a bet.
-[Sam] You cheated.
-No, no, no.
-[Sam] You cheated.
-No.
Pick you up around 8:00?
All right.
This doesn't change anything.
Pack a bathing suit.
Here. You can keep it.
No.
[train horn blowing]
[heavy equipment pounding]
[van approaching]
[honking]
-Hey.
-Hey. Hey, hey.
Please tell me
this thing has AC.
You think I would be in here
if it didn't?
-Girl, come on.
-Listen here, young lady.
I'm gonna have to ask you
to raise your right hand.
Do it.
Now, the places
we're gonna take you to today
are considered sacred
and, as of yet,
have not been spoiled
by interlopers such as yourself.
Do you solemnly swear
not to divulge the whereabouts
of the aforementioned locations
to any inhabitants
with less than three years
of residency in our fair city?
-No.
-Okay, Danny, get the blindfold
and something for her
to chew on.
I don't think
that's necessary, Dale.
-She's good. Here we go.
-Good.
-[Dale] Duly noted.
-[van engine starts]
[Ray] Let's go.
[upbeat music playing]
[singer] Kick up
Your feet now baby
-So good. That's so good.
-That good?
[singer] You've been
Working so hard
Honey, leave
The lights down low
And leave the dog out
In the yard
I've been waiting
All day long
Just to hold your hand
In mine
Tell me how your day
Has been
While we have
A little sip of wine
Seems folks these days...
[chanting] Eat up, eat it up,
eat it up, eat it up,
-eat up, eat up, eat up!
-Okay.
-Yeah.
-[laughter]
[Roberta] Yeah!
[singer]
I ain't got nowhere
I need to be tonight
[Ray] Whoo!
[singer] It's just
You and me, darling
Everything's just right
[Ray] Woo-hoo! [whistles]
[Roberta] Oh, wow.
I can take that, no problem.
-Ready?
-Oh, photo. Photo.
-Here we go.
-Photo.
It's all good.
[Sam] Okay. Yeah,
I do like that.
[song continues playing]
[Roberta] We can change in here.
Oh, so cute.
Um, so where are we--
Where are we supposed to-- Oh.
Oh, girl. Don't be such a prude.
If I had a body like yours,
I'd be stripping down
in front of folks
every chance I could.
Okay. [laughs]
You know, I do like
a lot of the changes
you're doing over at the course.
Thank you for saying that.
[Roberta] I'm not
just saying it. I mean it.
Muny was long overdue
for a makeover.
Well, I get the sense
that Ray doesn't agree.
Oh, don't worry about Ray.
He's just overprotective
of that place and us.
How do we look?
-Yeah!
-Ah, damn girl.
I wish I had your curves.
Keep eating queso.
You'll get there.
Bam. Bam.
[Ray] You gotta get in, buddy.
[laughs]
All right, you got this.
No pressure.
[Sam shrieks]
Yeah!
[whoops]
[Sam shrieks] Stop it!
[Ray laughs]
[banjo music playing]
[laughter]
["Ode to Joy" playing on banjo]
[Roberta] Ew!
[Ray] So, how does one
become a municipal
government consultant?
You get fired from your job
in the municipal government.
Fired? Ooh, do tell.
I used to be the city manager
of this town called Fremont.
-Mm-hmm.
-[Sam] My pet project
was this light rail system.
Unfortunately, the contractor
that I picked
to oversee the project
ended up being a conman
who bilked the city
out of millions
and never delivered
on his promises.
-Oof. Yikes.
-[Sam] Yeah.
So after that,
I kind of lost my faith
in municipal government.
I decided to start
my own consulting practice,
try to help other cities
avoid the same fate.
Nice. Which prompted
the move to Austin?
That, and my boyfriend's company
relocated here.
-So...
-Uh, yes.
-The boyfriend.
-Yes, the boyfriend.
Well, don't ever hang your head
for trying to do something good
in this world.
You took a big swing,
it didn't work out.
So what? Your heart
was in the right place.
That's all that matters.
Thanks.
Yeah.
So what about you?
How'd you end up at Muny?
Well, first of all,
I didn't end up at Muny.
Sorry. Why did you choose
to work at Muny?
[laughs]
Because it gives me
everything I need
and nothing I don't.
Which used to be the way
most folks lived around here,
but that changed
somewhere along the way.
Now I'm just a blind salamander,
hoping someone will come
and save my habitat.
-Blind salamander?
-[Ray] Yeah.
Well, back in the early '90s,
local activists
got an ordinance passed
that prohibited the development
of this area
on the grounds that it was home
to an endangered species.
The blind salamander.
Exactly.
So is this the end of the tour?
[Ray] Yeah, this is it.
Although, we're all going to see
a band play tonight.
-Do you wanna come?
-Will there be queso?
Does the armadillo
have a sticky tongue?
-Does it? Okay.
-Yes, it does. It does.
Yeah. And yes,
there'll be queso.
[laughter]
[band playing Phil Pritchett's
"God Save the King"]
What is this place?
Another ghost of Austin's past.
Another night
In another town
In another smoky place
Me and the band
Were sitting backstage
Looking at the face
Of the lead singer...
-Hey.
-Hey.
[singer]
...from the opening act
Who had just left
The stage
I saw a youthful greatness
In his eyes
Despite his age
He said, "Take a picture
Why don't you
Many others
Have done the same..."
You were right.
About what?
Today. This place.
Amazing.
[singer]
We sat there in the silence
As reality set in
And I had so many things
To ask him...
Ready to get out there?
-Me?
-Oh, yeah.
-Oh, I can't do that.
-Yes, you can.
No. Besides, I'm more
of an exotic dancer, remember?
[laughs]
Come on, we got this.
-Are you serious?
-Oh, yeah.
[singer]
Living in Tennessee
[inaudible conversation]
God save the King
He said I never died
I was just tired
Of living in Tennessee
Yeah!
-[Ray] All right.
-[Roberta] All right.
All right.
Oh. [chuckles]
Uh, that's okay.
I don't--
I don't need an escort.
Sorry, ma'am. This is Texas.
You don't have an option.
[chuckles]
-Bye.
-Bye.
You reckon he's gonna get up
all in her lady business?
[Roberta] He better not.
Twenty bucks says they end up
doing a little buckle rubbing.
I'll take that action.
[Dale] Come on.
[Roberta] No,
that's not gonna happen.
Hey, does anybody have a condom?
-What?
-I knew it!
Just kidding.
She forgot her bag.
-[Dale] He's gonna raw dog her.
-[Roberta exclaims
[indistinct chatter]
Damn it.
[panting]
[spits]
-[Sam] Oh, my God.
-Hey! Hi there.
Oh, my God.
You scared the hell out of me.
What are you doing here
this early?
Me? Oh, um, well,
I had a shipment of golf ba*ls,
uh, delivered last night.
Wanted to be here
early in the morning
'cause, you know,
I have a lesson,
um, yeah, professional,
you know, so...
Oh, okay. Well,
this is my friend, Elise.
-Hello.
-How you doin'?
So, is there a bathroom
in there?
'Cause the clubhouse
is still locked.
Yes. It's gross.
It's broken, too.
So, um, let me get the keys
to the clubhouse bathroom,
and you guys can use that one.
-Okay. Great.
-[Ray] Well, okay.
-Great. Let's go.
-Okay.
-Let's go this way.
-Awesome.
All right.
Right over here
and there you go.
-Thank you.
-All right.
-Good luck.
-[Sam] Hmm.
Last night was fun.
Yeah, really was.
Who's your friend?
-Her?
-Yeah.
Oh, um, she's a--
she's a real estate broker.
I promised my boyfriend
I'd let her
do an assessment of the course.
Do what now?
We had dinner with Elise
and her husband the other night
and she asked if she could do
assessment of the course
and I said yes,
because my boyfriend,
he's trying to get into
the Austin National Golf Club
and, uh, Elise and her husband
are sponsoring him.
So...
Okay. So, you let
your friend, Elise,
put the course on the market
so your boyfriend
could get into Austin National?
No, no, of course not.
No. I'm just--
I'm going through the motions.
Muny is not being sold.
I promise.
Okay.
Yeah. No, I trust you.
[chuckles]
How much are they asking
to join there anyway?
Well, why don't you ask
Dylan yourself?
He's over there on the range.
[Dylan] I need you to find out
if Elon will see me on Rogan.
I know he did.
I will.
[Dylan] I know he was listening.
[sighs]
Hey, Dylan, right?
Give me another bucket of ba*ls.
Oh, no. Sorry.
I'm Ray, the head pro here.
No. It's all good, Dylan Hench.
So, you're the pro out here?
Yeah. I think Sam
mentioned something about you.
Oh. Hope all good things.
I don't know.
I wasn't really listening.
Anyway, I'm playing
in the Austin National
member/guest this weekend.
Maybe you could give me
a tune-up?
Oh, yeah, absolutely, man.
I'm playing with Jay Crowley.
Do you know him?
He graduated Stanford
a few years ahead of me.
I do not know him but, uh,
good to know you both
went to Stanford.
What's your handicap?
Probably like an eight
on a good day.
Never mind.
I should be giving you lessons.
Anyway, it's nice to meet you.
I'm gonna hit the head.
Don't touch my clubs.
They're 3D printed.
What a d*ck.
[scoffs]
[man imitating a birdcall]
Who's there?
[imitates birdcall]
It's me, Jimmy.
-Who?
-Oh. [clears throat]
Sir James.
Oh, hey, dude.
Sorry. I didn't recognize you
without your, um,
uniform on.
Cool bird.
Yeah.
Um, listen, huge favor to ask.
Got a dozen LARP crews coming in
from all over Central Texas
for this night tournament and--
-You can't use the course.
-Ray!
Dude, if it was up to me,
I'd let you pillage and plunder
-to your heart's desire.
-Well, does it matter
that I've been texting
with this chick from Hutto
who said she plans on wearing
nothing but a chainmail bikini?
-I mean... [whistles]
-Wow.
As much as I wanna see that
in person,
you gotta set up shop
somewhere else, bud.
Sorry.
What a waste of a perfectly
good b*ttlefield, huh?
Come on, Merlin.
See you, buddy.
[Sir James] Come on, Merlin.
[Roberta] Bye, Merlin.
-[Ray] Hey, Mama.
-Hey.
Well, I was coming out here
to tell you to take care
of that damn coyote,
but I guess you already did.
No, you were right.
He deserved a proper burial.
He got one.
[sniffing]
[dog barking]
[birds chirping]
What the hell?
[Dan Starling sighs]
Oh. Howdy, folks?
Dan Starling, and I'm here
to tell you about the new
and improved
Austin Municipal Golf Course.
The course has a newly
implemented dress code,
which means you're gonna need
to up your game
with the latest apparel
in the pro shop.
Looking for a healthy snack
before your round?
Muny's got you covered
with over a half dozen
vegan options,
like this tofu hot dog.
[golf ball trickles]
The course is in great shape,
with almost 30% fewer rocks
in the fairways
since the start of the new year.
So, book your next tee time
on the newly launched app
or host your next
corporate event here.
Austin Municipal
has cleaned up its act,
and it shows.
[Sam] The new commercial
looks great, Danny.
-Thank you.
-Seriously? Dan Starling?
I mean, you do realize he scored
the winning touchdown
against the Horns
a few years ago
in the conference championship,
right?
He is a celebrity with huge
following on social media,
and he's hot.
-I second that.
-Mm-hmm.
He's pretty attractive.
Why is there no mention
of Loose Cannon?
Loose Cannon
isn't really in sync
with what we're trying
to do here.
Which is what?
Alienate our core customer
with higher green fees
and unnecessary rules?
Cool.
Look, we no longer have
a rodent problem
in the utility shed.
Scooters and shopping carts have
been fished out of the pond.
The graffiti is gone.
Also, customer utilization
is up 20%.
Revenue is up 30%.
And most importantly,
the budget deficit is down to...
Uh, $67,000.
These are all good things, Ray.
Do you even know
what Loose Cannon's all about?
Danny, would you please pull up
the video from last year?
Watch this.
[countdown timer ticking]
[dramatic music playing]
["Ride Of The Valkyries"
playing]
[g*nsh*t sound effect]
[m*ssile swishing]
[loud metal clanging]
[expl*si*n sound effect]
[rumbling sound effect]
[loud metal clanging]
[expl*si*n sound effect]
Huh. Come on.
[chuckles]
Roberta, will you please
brief everyone on how to use
the new cost tracking software?
Thank you.
I don't-- I don't-- Hmm?
So, is she in charge?
[sighs]
[bagpipes playing]
[Travis] All right.
What else we got?
[Loney] Pink Mamba Magic, 24K.
[Travis] Toss a couple of them
in the display case
and we'll throw the rest
in the back.
This woman is hell-bent
on destroying our way of life.
Literally been telling you that
the whole time she's been here.
Really? 'Cause I heard you were
getting pretty cozy with her
on the dance floor
the other night.
-Okay. Well, you heard wrong.
-[Travis] Mm-hmm.
Now I'm worried
that she's gonna sabotage
this year's Loose Cannon.
-Goddammit!
-I know.
I will not stand idly by
while this woman screws
with the Loose Cannon Open.
Exactly. Who does this woman
think she is, huh?
-Your boss?
-She is your boss.
Do you have this
in an extra large?
No, no, just that one and then
the one in the display case.
-I'll take it.
-Good eye.
-And the mannequin, too.
-You know what?
This is a line
in the sand moment.
Who's with me?
From now on,
we take care of our own,
consequences be damned!
Jimmy-- Uh, Sir James, sorry.
-Hey, buddy, it's Ray.
-[man] You'll get stuck.
You still wanna use
the course tonight?
-[man] Gentle.
-Great.
Well, go ahead and tell
that chainmail bikini chick
from Hutto,
Muny is open for business.
Huzzah!
[rock music playing]
[Ray] Howdy, folks?
Ray Mueller here,
head pro at Austin Municipal.
The Loose Cannon Open is back.
Jesus Christ. What now?
[Ray] And it's gonna blow
your minds as usual.
But this year, we need
to call out the big g*ns
to help save
our beloved golf course
from the evil clutches
of local government.
Muny is in jeopardy.
They told me you can donate
through QVC codes
and jump starter apps
and even pay through a pal.
And for those angel donors
out there,
you can send a check
straight to our web address.
Come on out June 30th
and help us save Muny.
Let's get loose, y'all.
-[lively folk music playing]
-[indistinct chatter]
What the...
-[indistinct chatter]
-[music continues playing]
What the hell is going on?
Behold!
'Tis Lady Buzzkillington
from house Wet Blanket.
[laughter]
Do you know how much sh*t
we'd all be in
if the city found out
about this?
Methinks thou
doth complains too much.
Somebody fetch
Lady Buzzkillington some mead.
-[crowd cheering]
-You are unbelievable.
You know,
I have been busting my a*s
trying to save this place,
and how do you show
your appreciation?
By putting on a Renaissance fair
in the middle
of the f*cking driving range!
Technically,
Renaissance fair would have--
-Shut up, Sir James!
-Sorry.
Um, how exactly
are you saving Muny?
There are people in this town,
very powerful people,
who look at this place
and see dollar signs.
And I have been trying
to keep them at bay.
Do you really think that this
or some Loose Cannon bullshit
is gonna help?
Better to die a quick death
than by a thousand cuts!
Oh, grow up, Peter Pan.
I am the Salamander King,
protector of the realm
and lord of Muny.
But alas, thanks to you,
and other invasive Californians,
I am also an endangered species.
No, no, you're not.
Endangered species
are worth saving.
You're just a con man and a bum.
Okay. Fine.
Yeah. You think I'm a bum?
Let's make it official.
I quit. How about that, huh?
[Sir James] Oh, no.
Ray, wait.
No. You know what?
Once I sober up,
I'm moving the hell out of here!
Moving?
[Ray] That's right, Tinker Bell.
Thanks to the high cost
of living in Neverland,
Peter Pan's gotta live
in an Airstream
on a golf course.
[somber music playing]
[Sir James clears throat]
[whistling]
[engine starts]
Hey, I didn't fire him. He quit.
Well, hell's bells, lady.
Why'd you go
and make him do that?
It's okay. We can hire
another golf instructor.
He was more than
a golf instructor.
Ray was a--
He was a selfless leader,
often putting
the needs of golfers
and other co-workers
ahead of his own.
He didn't just teach
golf lessons.
He taught life lessons.
You don't have to cover
for him anymore.
We're not covering for him.
He's family.
And as much as I hate
to admit it,
Ray is like a son to me.
A big, dumb, man-baby son.
Okay. Well, maybe this
will cheer you up.
Guys, we did it!
Muny's been saved!
Nothing?
Maybe Austin Municipal
has been saved,
but not Muny.
-What's the difference?
-Okay. Don't get me wrong.
I'm a fan of a lot
of what you've done here,
but we are just like
any other golf course now.
Muny used to be
completely unique.
An absolute original.
And now, the only people
that can afford to play here
are... older, duller...
Whiter.
Okay. Okay, well, thank you all
so much for your feedback.
I will be sure to share it
with the city council
at my presentation tomorrow.
Don't let the door hit you
where the good Lord split you.
[sighs]
["London Homesick Blues"
playing]
[singer] Well, when you're
Down on your luck
And you ain't got
A buck...
[crowd cheering]
...in London
You're a goner
Even London Bridge
Has fallen down
And moved to Arizona
[Dylan] Sam,
this is Councilman Hager,
who represents the district
your little golf course is in.
Nice to meet you.
[Councilman Hager]
Nice to meet you.
[singer] And I'll
Substantiate the rumor
That The English
Sense of humor
Is drier
Than the Texas sand
[Dylan speaking indistinctly]
[singer]
You can put up your dukes
Or you can bet your boots
That I'm leavin'
Just as fast as I can
I wanna go home
With the armadillo
Good country music
From Amarillo and Abilene
The friendliest people
And the prettiest women
You've ever seen
[crowd cheering and whistling]
[singer] Well, it's cold
over here in London.
[Ray] In the market
for a new set of irons, huh?
Oh, these here
are aerospace-grade
stainless steel.
Actually, to be honest,
I'm just k*lling some time.
-Here, let me see your grip.
-Hey, hey, hey, hey.
-I said I'm good. Thank you.
-Your grip, uh--
Well, the cool thing
about these,
it's not just the shaft.
-It's also got a beautiful head.
-Ray.
What are you doing here?
[Roberta] I came to check on you
and to tell you
you're being a big baby.
What do you want from me?
Y'all clearly didn't like
the way I was doing things,
so I did you a favor.
-Moved on.
-You selfish prick.
I thought we were a family.
Families
have each other's backs.
But y'all didn't seem
to have mine when I pushed back
on Sam's new ideas.
[Roberta] It was never about you
versus Sam, you dum-dum.
We're on the same side.
You think I like everything new
and different about Muny?
No. But thanks to her,
we're finally out
of our financial hole.
Wait, that budget thingy
got balanced?
[Roberta] Yup.
Well, congratulations.
But we all agreed,
it's not Muny without you.
And it never will be.
I gotta get back to work.
[Roberta] Don't be a stranger,
Ray Mueller.
Your family misses you.
Damn it.
[singer] I wanna go home
With the armadillo
[exhales deeply]
[keyboard keys clacking]
[upbeat salsa music playing]
Sam!
[panting]
Hey.
Why are you wearing
a suit and tie?
I don't know.
I've had a few court hearings
in this building.
Seemed natural.
Listen,
I wanted to apologize to you
about the other night
and for being an a*s in general.
No, actually, I'm-- I'm the one
who should apologize.
I shouldn't have said
those things to you.
Sam, I'm a creature of habit.
I hit the same iron
since high school.
Drive a pickup truck
with over 250,000 miles on it.
I mean, come on.
Half my wardrobe's
from the last millennium.
Explains the tie.
Yeah. Homecoming.
'99, baby.
[Sam laughs]
The point is, when you showed up
with all your new ideas
for the course,
my instinct was to fight it.
When in reality,
you know, I should've worked
with you to bring Muny
into the 21st century.
So thank you...
for saving my habitat, you know?
Despite my best efforts
to sabotage you.
I-- I don't know
what to say. Um...
thank you for saying that.
Yeah.
Thank you again.
[chuckles]
[sniffing]
Are you wearing Drakkar Noir?
Maybe.
-[Sam] Well, let's go.
-[Ray] Okay.
[exhales deeply]
[Sam] Seriously though,
you need a new suit.
[Ray] I know, it's terrible.
[Sam] And as you can see
on slide 12,
the net results of our actions
has erased Austin Municipal's
financial deficit
and set a path for the course's
financial stability.
But that's not why
we should keep Muny.
In fact, I'd argue
that we should roll back
some of the policies
we've put in place,
even if it means
operating at a loss.
Municipal parks
should be a reflection
of who we are as a city
and-- and what we value.
To me,
Austin is about diversity,
inclusion, and, um...
yes, weirdness.
Unfortunately, what we've gained
over the last few months
in financial stability,
we've lost in character.
So let's save Muny,
but let's do it the right way.
Thank you.
Thank you for your presentation,
Ms. Lambert.
Uh, however, I have an issue
with your assertion
that the, uh, financial goals
have been met.
Are you familiar
with the property, uh, appraisal
conducted by Ms. Elise Crowley?
Um, I-- I know
an assessment was done.
[Councilman Hager]
So you're aware of the fact
that the clubhouse
is in need of repair?
Cracked foundation,
uh, faulty plumbing,
uh, leaks in the roof.
I'm sorry, Councilman Hager,
but what does this have to do
with the financial goals?
Well, in light of these issues,
the budget deficit
was not $160,000.
In fact, it was $350,000.
So you actually fell short
about $180,000.
-No, no, that is not correct.
-[Councilman Hager] It's not?
Well, is there some, uh,
additional source of income
that you are expecting
in the next 48 hours
that this council
is not aware of?
Yes, there is, Councilman.
["Ride Of The Valkyries"
playing]
The Loose Cannon Open.
-Hey!
-Hey.
[Sam] What the hell
was that bullshit?
-Progress.
-[Sam] Progress my a*s.
You sabotaged me.
How many times
do I gotta tell you, Sam?
You gotta look
at all the angles.
Oh, let me guess.
You're getting
your corporate headquarters
-on the west side of town?
-I...
Hey. What was that in there?
Oh, hey, as*h*le.
Did you put a fox
in my golf bag?
-No. It was a coyote.
-Shut up.
-[Ray] You shut up.
-You shut up.
-Shut up.
-Hey, stop it. Stop it.
What do you have lined up
for Loose Cannon?
-Uh, it's coming together.
-[Dylan] Well...
-Mm-hmm.
-...you're not actually
doing that, are you?
Okay, we're leaving.
Don't you dare touch me
ever again.
Babe, you're letting
your emotions
-get the best of you again.
-Get the team.
We're calling
an emergency meeting.
-Yup.
-And it's called lost causes
for a reason. [scoffs]
This is Fremont all over again.
[inhales deeply]
[exhaling rapidly]
[Dale clears throat]
I hereby convene
this special session
of the Muny Board of Directors.
Motion to skip roll call?
-[all] Second!
-Thank you.
All right, y'all.
Our first order of business
is the vetting
of potential new board member
-Samantha Lambert.
-[applause]
Motion to fast track
Ms. Lambert's
-addition to the board.
-[all] Second!
-[Sam] Aww.
-That's all I got.
I don't-- That's--
Yeah, I was just--
[Ray] All right, Dale.
Thank you, sir.
Yeah. Thank you. Yes.
-[Ray] Okay. So...
-Congratulations.
...we got good news
and we got bad news.
The good news is we have
assembled the perfect team
to make this year's Loose Cannon
a rousing success.
-Whoo!
-Yes.
A-And the bad news is?
Well, the bad news
is we need to raise $180,000
in 48 hours or Muny gets sold.
[birds chirping]
[Ray] Loney.
180,000 US dollars?
Yes, 180,000 US dollars.
That's right.
-Been nice knowing you guys.
-What?
[Travis] Nobody has $180,000.
It's been fun.
No, guys, where are you going?
Come on. Buddy, we can do this.
-Where are you going?
-Nah.
-Guys, we can do this.
-Point of parliamentary
-procedure!
-What?
[Sam] Section 4, Article C
of the Muny Board
of Directors bylaw.
No member shall leave
an active session
while another member wields
the golden putter.
[laughs]
She's right, amigo.
-Wow, okay.
-[Roberta] Okay. Okay.
-[Ray] Thank you.
-[Roberta] Okay.
-Nerd.
-What?
-I did my homework.
-[Ray] Look, I know.
It's a lot of money,
but we have to try.
Don't you see?
This is not about
the golf tournament.
This is a call to action, right?
Loney, I want you to get
every available
local musician here tomorrow.
Tell them there's gonna be
a record executive here
or something, I don't know.
Can I put myself as top billing?
-[Ray] Yeah, man.
-Yes.
Travis, I want you to rally
the local small business
community.
We need donations,
food, auction items.
This fight is about them
as much as it is about us.
I'm gonna invite the chamber
of commerce to Pleasureland.
Weird, but I love it.
Dale, chicken sh*t bingo.
High dollar buy-in.
I smell what you're stepping in.
We can also send
out push notifications
to everyone who played here
in the last 18 months.
I can create a GoFundMe account,
and for everyone who shows up,
we can give them a QR code
that shares a link to the page.
I do not know what that means,
but it sounds very important.
Okay, anybody else?
Well, what about me?
You? Get yourself a costume.
It's your first Loose Cannon,
don't disappoint.
All right, Dale,
bring us home, baby. Come on.
[inhales deeply]
Hey, partner.
This ain't gonna be
our last breakdown.
It better not be.
Muny!
On three.
One, two, three.
[all] Muny!
["Hot Love" by T. Rex playing]
[singer] Well
She's my woman of gold
And she's not very old
Ah, ah, ah
Well, she's my woman
Of gold
And she's not very old
Ah, ah, ah
There you are.
[singer]
I don't mean to be bold
But-a may I hold
Your hand?
Well, she's faster
Than most
And she lives on the coast
Ah, ah, ah
Well, she's faster
Than most
And she lives on the coast
Ah, ah, ah
I'm her two penny prince
And I give her hot love
Ah, ah, ah
Take it out on me, mama
Ow!
Ow!
Ohh!
To Sam Lambert,
costume inspection tonight.
Place, mine.
Send calendar invite.
[door creaks open]
Whoa, that was fast.
-[door closes]
-What do you mean?
I just sent you
a calendar invite.
[singer]
Well, she ain't no witch
And I love the way she twitch
Ah, ah, ah
Yeah, you can't just put
someone's name
in the "TO:" field
and expect it to go through.
Nice try though.
sh**t.
Uh, can I get you a drink?
I got beers and...
tequila and...
you know what?
That's kind of it. [chuckles]
My costume for tomorrow.
You like it?
[Ray] Fight on.
[singer]
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
I'm sorry I called you
a con man and a bum.
It's okay. I kind of am.
[moaning]
I'm sorry I called you
Lady Buzzkillington.
-I've been called worse.
-[moaning]
I know, you should hear
what the regulars call you.
-[groans]
-[laughs]
[singer]
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
La, la, la, la, la, la, la
[accordion music playing]
[machine whirring]
[soft upbeat music playing]
Who are you supposed to be?
You don't know who I am, really?
-Hmm.
-PT Barnum,
greatest con man of all time.
Ha. Very funny.
When's everyone supposed
to get here?
Fifteen minutes ago.
Something's up.
-Mm-hmm.
-Let's go check it out?
-Yeah.
-Let's go.
[crowd talking indistinctly]
[Ray] Excuse me.
Pardon. Sorry, guys.
-Excuse me. Hey!
-[Sam] Excuse us.
What the hell's going on?
You guys look adorable.
[Sam] Dylan, move the damn car.
I wish I could,
but due to the dangerous
conditions of the clubhouse,
Councilman Hager thought
it would be a good idea
to close the golf course
till further notice.
That's bullshit,
and you know it.
City government, honey.
What can you do?
-God.
-[Dale whistles] Red sea.
[wind whistling]
Son, I'm gonna have to ask you
to move your car.
I'm not going anywhere,
old timer.
Suit yourself.
Danny!
[Ray] Red sea, red sea,
everybody, red sea.
[indistinct chatter]
Wow. What do we got here?
What do we have here?
Sweet Lady Justice.
She's a Model A
breach-loading Howitzer
that used to defend
the coast of Texas
from 1850 to 1886.
And you expect me to think
that thing's actually real?
Why don't you tell that
to the marauding band of pirates
that tried to invade
Galveston circa 1876?
All right. Look, man,
you're wasting my time.
All of our time.
[sighs]
Son,
we're gonna have us
a golf tournament today.
Now that can happen by you
moving your damn car,
or it can happen by me
unloading fiery cannon fodder
into the aforementioned car
and into anything
and anyone that gets in our way.
That was good.
It's very convincing.
Okay, Danny.
-[bell dings]
-Let's do this.
My friend, I hope
you have your affairs in order
and I wish you good fortune.
[suspenseful music playing]
Let's pepper him up real good.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Hold on.
Hold on.
No need to get violent.
[wind whistling]
[Dale] There you go.
I like what I'm seeing there,
Action Pants.
All right, people.
[whistles] Let's do this!
-[crowd cheering]
-[marching band playing]
[Ray] Ladies and gentlemen,
welcome to the 24th Annual
Loose Cannon Open!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
I can't tell you
how much it warms my heart
to see y'all out here,
to know that this town
still has enough damn weirdos
in it to throw a proper party.
[crowd cheering and applauding]
You are weird, sir.
And I especially wanna welcome
all the first timers
who are coming out here
to support our cause.
Muny is a very special place.
And we hope you become
a part of our family.
Now that counter over there
needs to hit zero by 5:00 p.m.
for us to stave off extinction.
I've been told
you can donate on your phone
through an app or something.
I don't know.
But enjoy yourselves.
Donate a little money
if you can.
It's Loose Cannon, y'all.
Let's get loose!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[amplifier feedback buzzing]
["The Star-Spangled Banner"
plays]
And the home of the brave
[Dale] Fire in the hole!
[cannon fires]
["Don't Owe You a Thang"
by Gary Clark Jr. playing]
Come on. Get your prize.
[Ray] And this guy came straight
from a Phish concert.
-Those feet are socks.
-Oh, those feet are socks. Hey.
You're good? You're holding?
All right. You want a five spot?
Four? Ten spot's not too bad.
All right. What do you got, kid?
[singer] Well,
We ain't got no money
There you go. That's a no?
Hey, try this one.
There's a golf club
coming out of nowhere
because that man is camouflaged.
Hey! That thing went flying!
Oh, God. Somewhere,
a minor league baseball team
is missing
their weed dealer. [laughs]
[singer] Oh, we ain't
Getting married
[Dale] All right, all right.
What do we got? Okay.
All right. 27. Who's got 27?
Everyone look at 27.
[singer]
Ain't got no credit
No fancy clothes
Ain't got no excuses baby
For goodness knows
I don't owe you
A thang, baby
I don't owe you a thang
I don't owe you
A thang, baby
I don't owe you a thang
Oh, we ain't
Getting married
I ain't buying you
No diamond ring
That's all right
Get it, baby
Woo!
[Travis screaming]
-Don't f*ck this up, man!
-Kneel or die!
What just happened there?
[laughter]
[Dale] Oh, come on now.
-[bell dinging]
-[crowd cheering]
Yes! We're sitting on 9.
That's nice.
Guinevere, you're a genius.
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[Ray] Well, I hear a dance party
broke out on the ninth grade.
Gotta check it out.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
[laughs]
[Sam] I'm having flashbacks
to g*y pride parades
in San Francisco.
[Ray] What'd I tell you?
This town will show up
for a good cause
and a little outdoor fun.
[Danny]
William to Willy, come in.
You got Willy.
How we doing on the big board?
[Danny] 22,000 left.
sh*t. We have 20 minutes left.
All right. Heading back to base.
[Danny]
Copy that. And heads up,
we've got company.
[singer]
I don't owe you a thang
Oh, we ain't
Getting married
Officer, that man
just threatened me
with a deadly weapon.
[laughing]
[Ray] Hey there.
A little late to the party.
I guess, uh,
we could let you squeeze in
a few holes, say, for $22,000?
The bar actually just got
a little higher, right, Council?
[laughs]
Yes. Cleaning up this mess
is gonna cost 10K.
And then that's not even
to mention the, uh, fines
for the permits
that you-- you don't have.
And there's--
there's noise violation
and-- and-- and...
indecent exposure.
You're-- You're up
for a reelection in the fall,
aren't you?
Yes. Why?
One second.
Hey, everyone. Look who it is,
City Councilman Greg Hager.
Yes. A little applause.
How many of you guys
live in District 7?
[crowd clamoring]
-Wow. That's a lot of voters.
-Yes, it is.
Do you wanna tell them
what you just told me?
Oh, y-yes, uh--
Yes-- Let's everybody
give a-- a big
round of applause
for Austin Municipal.
-Come on. Come on.
-[cheering and applause]
Yes. Yes. You know, uh,
I-- I think--
Would you, uh, just handle this
by yourself, will you?
You know what? It doesn't matter
because you're not raising
22K in the next ten minutes.
You lost.
Excuse me.
-May I?
-Of course.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Gather around, everybody.
Gather around. Come on in here.
With so much to love
about this great place,
allow me to introduce you
to a brand new face.
She hails from California
but don't hold that against her
'cause she's got a talent
that's a real mind bender.
[clears throat]
Hey. What are you doing?
-We're good.
-Okay.
She can putt the ball
from near and far.
With a talent like this,
she always saves par.
Who you ask
could be such a pearl?
Well, allow me
to introduce to you
the one and only Putter-girl!
[crowd cheering and applauding]
Now of course you have
to get from tee to green.
Putting's important,
if you know what I mean.
I've never seen anyone,
woman or man,
who can put the ball
better than Putter-girl can.
-What's her name?
-Putter-girl.
-One more time.
-Putter-girl.
-I can't hear you.
-Putter-girl.
-Everybody now!
-[all] Putter-girl!
[chanting] Putter-girl.
Putter-girl. Putter-girl.
Putter-girl. Putter-girl.
[all chanting] Putter-girl!
Putter-girl! Putter-girl!
Putter-girl!
Putter-girl! Putter-girl!
Putter-girl! Putter-girl!
Putter-girl! Putter-girl!
You, sir,
seem like the wagering type.
Care to bet if this is real
or just plain hype?
Are you kidding me?
I mean, she's never putt
a ball in her life.
I'll tell you what.
I will bet you $21,947
that Putter-girl
can sink that putt.
Nah, I'm good.
Oh, I get it.
Not really a risk taker, huh?
I'm sorry. What was that?
You heard me.
["Winter" from Vivaldi's
Four Seasons playing]
I created my own AI tech giant
from my garage in Oregon.
I built a truck
that won the Baja 1000
and I rolled with the last
five MMA welterweight champions.
Okay, wait. You mean the, uh,
the racing team that you poached
and the $60 million
trophy truck that you bought?
Also fighting
Conor McGregor in the metaverse
with VR goggles on isn't exactly
stepping into the Octagon.
[crowd laughing]
What have you done?
What have you built?
Hiding out here in this
piece of sh*t golf course?
-[Sam] Oh.
-[indistinct chatter]
All right, how about this?
I'll bet everything I own
to save this dump.
Can you say that?
Everything you own?
All you have to bet
is $22,000 of your $2 billion.
[]
All right. Yeah.
No, I'll take the bet.
But only because
there's no way in hell
that she's gonna make that shot
or any shot in life,
'cause she's a loser,
just like you.
A match made in heaven.
Putter-girl.
Thank you.
[clears throat]
[exhales]
-[clears throat]
-Go on. Take the shot.
Now, now, don't let your
emotions cloud your judgment.
Just go on and take the shot.
Oh, Dylan,
how many times have I told you?
You have to
look at all the angles.
[]
[inhales]
[tense music playing]
[crowd cheering and applauding]
[singer]
Well, I was born yesterday
But I was up
Late last night
I was born yesterday
But I was up
Late last night
I got up
Early this morning
And I'm staying up
Late tonight
[crowd cheering]
[all chanting] Putter-girl!
Putter-girl! Putter-girl!
[chanting continues]
[singer] Woo, yeah
[birds chirping]
[dings]
Find anything interesting
down there?
A kindred spirit.
-Those are hard to find.
-Yeah. They really are.
[upbeat reggae music playing]
[singer] Could we
Turn the track up?
One, two, three, four
So what are you
Waiting for?
Are you ready?
Time to dive in
Make a splash
And take a swim
Are you ready?
Hey, put your cares away
Hey, for another day
This is the moment
This is the time
Could be the best day
Of your life
Are you ready?
Are you ready?
Are you, are you
Are you ready?
This is the place
So go with the vibe
'Cause it's time
To live your best life
Are you ready
Are you ready?
["What I Like About Texas"
by Gary P. Nunn playing]
[singer] You ask me
What I like about Texas
I tell you
It's the wide open spaces
It's everything
Between the Sabine
And the Rio Grande
It's the Llano Estacado
It's the Brazos
And the Colorado
It's the spirit
Of the people
Who share this land
It's another burrito
It's a cold
Lone Star in my hand
It's a quarter
For the jukebox, boys
Play the sons
Of the mother-lovin'
Bunkhouse Band
[director]
All right. Two cameras.
-A,B, common mark.
-t*tties.
-Welcome to the 24th--
-[laughter]
-[engine sputters]
-Oh. I'm so sorry.
-[grunts]
-[Sam sighs]
What are you
doing here this early?
-Marvin!
-[laughter]
Oh, I'm sorry. Oh, sh*t.
-Sorry.
-[Sam] Okay. Ow.
Motion to, uh, skip it.
No, f*ck. Okay.
We're nailing this.
All right. Muny--
sh*t. All right.
It's just five minutes
outside of downtown
on one side.
-Whoa. [laughs]
-[Dylan] Really?
No, that didn't make sense.
I've heard about
you're little, uh--
-Wait, what is it actually?
-p*nis.
Look what I have to--
f*ck. All right.
She's model A-- f*cking A.
I can't get it. Hold on.
Anything else?
-Anyone?
-Oh, yeah, what about me?
I do a bit
every time I go in there.
They're not loving it.
People of Texas, go home.
Guys, stop, no, it's like
my parents are fighting again.
Om namah Shivaya
Om namah Shivaya
And he's in-charge
and looks good in a hat.
Consequences be damned.
-Jean-Claude Van Dammed.
-What?
What's a Loose Cannon Open?
I don't know. Is that new?
Do you guys
go to music festivals?
Do you guys want to have
a drum circle?
Have you guys ever done a Voga?
Make Austin great again.
You guys heard
Tisto's new album? Fire.
So we've got
a real mental m*dget here.
-Probably can't say that, huh?
-[laughter]
[singer]
It's another burrito
Ridiculous.
It's a cold
Lone Star in my hand
It's a quarter
For the jukebox, boys
Play the sons
Of the mother-lovin'
Bunkhouse Band
Well, you ask me
What I like about Texas
It's bluebonnets
And Indian paint brushes
It's swimmin'
In the sacred waters
Of Barton Springs
It's body surfing at Frio
It's Saturday night
In Del Rio
It's crossin'
Over the border
For some cultural exchange
Yee-haw!
It's another burrito
It's a cold
Lone Star in my hand
It's a quarter
For the jukebox, boys
Play the sons
of the mother-lovin'
Bunkhouse Band
The Bunkhouse Band
Well, you ask me
What I like about Texas
Well, I could tell you
But we'd be here
All night long
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Long Shot, The (2025)
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