01x06 - Just Two Weak Girls

[bunniefuu]

Go, go, go, go! ♪

DAISY:

I don't miss Nut at all.

- I don't miss her the most.

- She lied to us.

She said we were "fated"

to be her guardians,

when really she picked us

'cause we seemed like

we had nothing better to do.

You know, I don't miss her, and

I don't mind missing breakfast,

since she isn't around

to make us double-decker

pancake sandwiches.

- I'm not even hungry.

- [stomach growling]

My stomach is growling

with rage.

I'll just eat something at work.

- What?

- At Aggregon?

You're still working there

after that whole

"them trying to k*ll us

with mutant egg monsters" thing?

Verus wants

to reform the company.

This is my opportunity

to do something good,

even without Nut.

Okay, but it's not actually

that great an opportunity

if the universe blows up, right?

How do we even know

that's happening?

Nut lied to us once.

Alex, are you serious right now?

You're that desperate

for approval

that you'll let Verus

brainwash you?

Screw you! At least

I'm trying to do something

instead of sitting on the couch

complaining.

[sighs]

I'm gonna be late.

Hello. I come to you

with an important mission.

[shrieks]

A raccoon! [whimpers]

I created this universe

and everything in it.

Has anyone ever told you

you'd make a fabulous fur hat?

- Pinkachu!

- [sighs]

Hey, Doorman Dean.

Got you a latte

'cause I'm a big shot exec now.

Hmm. That's weird.

- [elevator bell dings]

- [Alex gasps]

Is this like a new

executive hazing thing?

Right on time for your first day.

That's what I like to see.

[gulps loudly]

This is fine.

Nut's gone, Alex is obsessed

with her new job,

I'm alone,

which is totally fine.

- [knocking]

- Oh, thank God. I was so lonely.

Hey, Lulu. Looking good.

I like what you've done

with your hair.

Have you see any wild animals

around the building?

No.

I got some report

about some kind of raccoon.

Um, I definitely 100%

have not seen anything.

No animal for sure.

Great. You've been

incredibly unhelpful, as always.

Stupid raccoon could have

gone anywhere,

but she had to come here,

and now I have to deal with it?

"She could have gone anywhere,

but she came here."

- Nut.

- Daisy.

- You look well.

- And yourself.

I'm sorry for freaking out.

I am sorry for lying to you.

It might not have been

our destiny to protect you,

but it's our job now,

and I'm not gonna give up.

Thank you, Daisy.

Let's call Alex.

She's probably bored

as hell at work

without me G-Chatting her

a steady stream of dank memes.

- [phone buzzing]

- Answer, and I k*ll him.

What's up?

No answer.

She must still be mad.

I was kind of a b*tch about her

taking the promotion with Verus.

Alex is with Verus?

Yeah. Why?

Verus and I have a history.

[laughing] What?

You guys used to date?

If Verus is aware of Alex

and her role as my guardian,

Alex is in dire trouble.

We have to save her.

Oh! We need a key card

to get in!

Like this one?

Amazing coat, judgmental eyes.

[sniffing]

Chalamet for Men cologne?

You're Alex's old boss.

Until Verus fired me

to give Alex my job.

But she didn't count on this.

- Why are you helping us?

- Because it's the right thing to do.

Also, I'm starting to suspect

Verus isn't going to bring me

to a new universe

when this one gets destroyed.

It's okay, buddy.

I'll draw the femutations' fire

while you two run for it!

It's the least I can do

as a noble double agent

for the forces of good.

Good luck.

Ooh! Aah! Yeah!

- It's, uh, good to see you.

- You, too.

- I wanted to text. I was just

- Shut up.

I thought you could use

a little extra incentive

to turn against our friend Nut.

If you don't do as I say,

your boyfriend will die!

Oh, he's-he's not my

I mean, we've only been on

two dates.

Like, the stakes probably aren't

as high here as you wanted.

I mean, I'd be sad if you died.

- I'd be sad if you died.

- Really?

Enough stalling.

Reject Nut and place the final

crystal now, or I k*ll him.

If you obey me,

I will spare you both.

So you're telling me

I have to choose

between a future with this guy

I've been on two dates with,

or the entire universe,

including all my friends

and everyone I've ever met?

He is really tall.

[elevator bell dings]

Nut! Daisy!

I am so sorry, you guys.

You were right about Verus.

She dude-napped coffee dude.

- Do you not know my name?

- Not the time, buddy.

Right on time,

just as I planned.

I know you couldn't resist

rescuing

your precious guardian Nut.

Now I have the pleasure

of making you watch me wreck

your favorite universe.

What is her beef with you anyway?

- We used to date.

- [all gasp]

I knew it!

[clears throat]

Without further ado

Now that the collection

is complete,

he should be arriving

any minute.

NUT: Of course, because you do

not possess sufficient power

to complete your plan

without him.

Him? Who is "him"?

The only being who could actually

destroy entire universes

the Emptier.

♪

VERUS: Your Emptiness,

I have completed our work

on Earth,

and its creator is here for you

to personally annihilate.

Excellent!

I am pleased with your servitude.

- She dumped you to work for him?

- It is complicated.

It is not complicated.

Verus knew

that I could offer her access

to a power greater

than any other!

- Like solar power?

- No, idiot! The power

of destruction.

Once the rotation reaches

terminal velocity,

this entire universe will be sucked

into itself like a black hole, and

there's nothing you can do about it.

[laughs]

Classic Emptier move here.

- [elevator bell dings]

- Verus,

I've tricked the Creator

and led her right to you.

I've been a double double agent

this whole time!

[grunts]

Disregard that.

I'm actually a double,

double, double agent.

Alex, Daisy, if you climb the

chandelier and reach the Emptier,

perhaps you can stop

the rotation.

I will deal with Verus.

[magical tinkling]

All the men before me

swollen with sin ♪

Scrape the earth

rude and clean ♪

Ground to till,

air to breathe ♪

With missteps for no one ♪

When we drew this ♪

I can't believe this

is the worst bad guy

in the whole omniverse.

- I heard that.

- Good.

- I wanted you to.

- Birth control.

I. U. Deploy!

This thing on?

I got you, girl.

Bong Selleck,

blast that d*uche

with a smoke stream!

Until I've had ♪

What the hell?

These janky-a*s

magical objects are broken.

Ever since we found out Nut

gave us these powers randomly,

it's felt less cool.

- Is it us?

- No, it's him, male gaze m*therf*cker.

[cackling]

You can't stop the rotation.

You're not magical.

You're just

two weak girls.

You do not need to do this,

Verus.

Deep down, I know you are good.

You loved me once.

You never understood,

did you, Nut?

You were fine being

a happy-go-lucky world creator,

and you didn't care

that it made you weak.

Now you're a defenseless

little panda,

but I can make anything I want.

Holy sh*t.

This is the worst promotion ever!

It did not have to be this way.

We still could have been friends.

Don't be stupid!

The Emptier needed me

to renounce such ridiculous

notions as love and friendship.

Girls, your friendship!

The Emptier cannot block

your love for each other.

- Uh

- Nah.

DAISY:

You're about to be k*lled

by your giant snake ex-girlfriend

unless the universe is destroyed first.

I really don't think love is gonna do it.

Plus, it sounds

super cheesy.

- Yup, they're right.

- Just try it.

What are we supposed to do

braid each other's hair

in his direction?

Just try something!

Okay, since we're probably

about to die anyway.

I really like being

your roommate, Daisy.

I love how, when I fall asleep

watching Real Housewives

on the couch,

you put a blanket on me

when you come home

from a sex party six hours later.

I love you, Alex.

I love your mom music

and your vision boards.

I love that you forgave me for

stealing your fancy moisturizer

and using it as lube.

Holy crap!

This cheesy sh*t is actually working!

- Are you f*cking kidding me?

- Hell yeah!

Our friendship is

the best friendship.

You wish you could connect

like this.

- BOTH: I love you!

- [whooshing]

I'll teach her

to give me a fake promotion.

["Emotion" by Q'ulle playing]

[growling]

Verus!

[growls]

♪

- [Daisy yelling]

- [grunting]

[cackling]

[grunts]

[Verus laughs]

[growls]

[both grunt]

[cackling]

[grunting]

[gasps]

[Alex laughs softly]

[Daisy yelling]

[Verus growls]

[panting]

[grunting]

[groaning, panting]

[grunting]

- [Alex gasps]

- [Verus chuckles]

[both grunting]

- [Alex groans]

- Ah, boo

I may be a helpless red panda,

but I will always protect

Alex and Daisy.

And where is your ally?

You have pushed away anyone

who matters to you.

First me, now Corvin.

And after all you have

sacrificed for him,

I do not see the Emptier

protecting you right now.

Saying Corvin ever mattered

to me is a bit of a stretch.

Hurtful.

Verus, dispose

of these obstacles.

[grunting]

- [Nut whimpers]

- [Verus growls]

[both groaning]

- [Verus cackling]

- [shrieks]

- Whoa.

- [cackling continues]

[grunting]

[Verus groans]

Girls, now!

[Verus yelling]

[yelling]

A portal. She escaped

to another universe.

- And him?

- I fear the Emptier will be back, too,

but we are safe for now.

- Oh!

- That was super intense.

Jesus.

I forgot you were still here.

You better not try

to take the credit this time.

That was all us three.

Well, four. Obviously,

I got inside Verus's head

with my corporate espionage.

Really don't think so.

Nut, I can't believe you didn't

tell us Verus was your ex.

- It simply did not come up.

- She's so hot.

You know, in, like, an evil way.

Of course in an evil way,

like Megan Fox.

Did she ever turn into a snake

when you guys were doing it?

I will not dignify these

questions with a response.

- That's a "yes."

- Oh, sh*t. Getting that snake tail. [hissing]

You like that, don't you?