02x02 - Moose Knuckle & The Golden Clam

[bunniefuu]

Rhian: Previously on
"moonshine".

- Gale texted me. Think he
knows about the sex dream?

- Was it a d*ck pic?
- Oh, hey.

Ken: Fate has spoken!
Bea: We have chosen to be free!

- We're retiring
from the moonshine!

- I need you to take
the keys, rhian.

I want you to take the keys.

♪♪♪

Nora: Ready to do your dirty
girl? (door creaks shut)

(motorcycle rumbles)

♪♪♪

♪ gloria

(angelic hymn plays)

♪ gloria

♪♪♪

♪ gloria, gloria

♪ in excelsis deo

♪ deo pax, pax

♪ pax hominibus

(slurping)

Colin: Drink up.

You'll need your strength
for the big event, my queen.

♪ oh, oh

(flag flutters)

(chain clinks)

♪♪♪

♪ laudamaus, laudamaus te

(curtains raps)

- Oh! God,
why is it so bright?

Oh!

Are those spandex?

(water rippling gently)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(cane taps)
- you're on my walkin' path.

- Oh! Oh!

I just uh...
Came out early to...

Watch the sunrise. Huh.

- I invented sex on the beach,
dear.

- Oh, no. That's not...

Not what was happening.
(chuckles nervously)

♪ this is my life,
this is my life ♪

♪ this is my life,
my life ♪

♪ this is my life,
this is my life, ♪

♪ this is my life,
my life ♪

(grasses rustling gently
in the wind)

(phone vibrates)

(beeps call on)

Lidia: Hey.
- Finally!

I was worried you'd bled out
from your head wound,

But not enough to actually
show up and check on you.

- Sorry. I passed out.

- So, you definitely
did not go out

And bone that biker last night?

(water runs)
nora: Lidia?

- Oh hey, hot stuff.
Nora: That's him, isn't it?

You totally boned that biker
last night.

You filthy little...
(beeps call off)

(water shuts off)
- (readying exhale)

(giggles) wow!

You, you are still here.

- Yeah.
- Wow.

How did you know
this was my trailer?

- Ah, your mom told me.
- You spoke to my mother?

- Yeah, she gave me some coffee
and a pep talk

On positive life choices.
- Hmm.

Eleanor: Who are you?

- Eleanor. Finn.

My children!

What are you doing here?

- We live here.

- Well?
- Oh, this... Uh, h-him?

Um, just a friend.

- Cool tats.
- Thanks.

- Why don't you guys go on
inside and I will be...

There in a sec.
- Okay.

(eleanor giggles)

- So, uh, awkward.

(both chuckle)

- Gonna get some breakfast,
maybe go for a ride,

You know, looks like it's gonna
be a beautiful day.

Rhian: Lidia! Mom said
you have company?! Who?

- Could you actually...

Leave?

Uh...

Sorry. And thanks.

(gasps) be well!

- Be well?

(bottles rattle, door clunks)

- Is the naked dude
your boyfriend?

- No, el, he's-he's my...

I-I actually don't know
what he is.

- Well, it sounds like
you guys need to talk.

After you get groceries.

- Assuming things
in relationships

Always leads to
miscommunication.

- It's better to address
expectations now,

So it doesn't blow up
in your face later.

- Maybe rhian has food.

♪♪♪

- (groans)

(deep inhale)

Nora: Pretty sure there's
an extra toothbrush in there.

You see it?

- Larry. Who's larry?

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(stress ball squeaks,
terry sighs)

(lighter snicks)

(keys rattle)

- Thought you wanted to do
morning...

(exhales) food stuff.

- Yeah, not sure I can make
pancakes

With expired mayo and pickle
juice.

- Not with that attitude,
ya can't.

- We could grab something.

- No, I'm gonna go for a hike
before work.

Assuming you don't wanna come?
- Ha, you're funny.

You okay, ter?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll call you later.
- Okay.

Watch out for cougars
on the trail.

a*s looks like a snack
in those shorts!

Mm-mm. Delicious!

(nora slurps coffee)
mm-hmm. Oh, gross.

(door creaks open, closes)
(coffee ripples)

♪ oh, oh, oh

Colin: Voilà!

- I'm constantly
craving red meat.

Do you think something's wrong
like,

I don't know,
the baby's a werewolf?

- No, you're craving animal
flesh. That's good protein.

- Hmm.

- Score.
Rhian: Whaddya think this is?

A freakin' b&b?
This is for me!

- There is enough
for a family of eight.

- Are you seriously food
shaming a pregnant woman?

- You do realize
once you have this kid,

You're gonna have to
take care of it, nurture it,

Share your waffles with it.
- Not if it's a werewolf.

- (scoffs)
(rhian's phone buzzes)

- Fascists!
- What's the matter,

Honey bear?
- (gasps)

Moonshine was just rejected
from the foxton cove

Business association.

Who do I have to blow
to get into this club?

I'm seriously asking.

- Sounds like privileged,
elitist bullshit.

- It is.
And it's amazing.

So, membership basically
guarantees success

Of your local business.
It's like a cult for winners.

And the best part
is the golden clam.

- Sounds like a sex thing.

- It's a symbol of acceptance
into the organization.

Once you become a member, you
get to stick it on your wall.

- Whoa, so you get like,
a sticker?

- (chuckles)

- Mom and dad never gave
a sh*t, but it's the prestige

I have coveted my whole life.

(sighs)
(plastic crinkles)

Carbs are for closers.

Go round up the slackers.

Emergency staff meeting in 20.
- (scoffs)

♪♪♪

- Thanks.

(door opens, shuts)

- (groans)
- jesus, you look terrible.

- I didn't sleep a wink.

I miss our old mattress.

Is there any coffee left?

- Here, you can have
the rest of mine.

I was thinking, as a part
of our "re-trialment",

We could take a course
at the community centre.

Macrame.
- (grunts)

- Ceramics.

Tabata.

What do you suppose that is?
Some kinda stew?

Crystal: Ooh! Really intense
exercise class.

It's super good for your core.
- My core, huh?

- Yeah.
It's so cool!

You guys are trying new things.

Like, it just goes to show,
no matter how old you are,

You can still improve yourself.

- How are they doin' over
there, anyway?

- Not a word. He's like
an addict jonesing for a hit.

- There's a emergency staff
meeting at the lodge.

- Well, I should probably...
- over your dead body.

♪♪♪

(footsteps thud, door clunks)

Rhian: I stand before you today

Not as the rhian you once knew,

But as general manager
of the moonshine,

A title that requires
great responsibility,

And unlimited power.

Colin: Do not forget
the name tag.

- Buckle up, b*tches!
- (clicks tongue)

Big changes are a-comin'!

If we ever want to be accepted

Into the foxton cove
business association,

We need to stop being a
slacker's den of ineptitude.

We need to be a place

Where employees prove
themselves, every damn day.

Which is why you're all fired.
- Ha!

- No!
Sammy: Oh my god.

- Sweet!
- Don't... Move.

Re-interviews will commence
in 30 minutes.

Oscar?
- Hmm.

- Hand these out.

♪♪♪

And why do you feel qualified
for this position?

- Because...

It was literally my job
until 20 minutes ago.

Sammy: Hey.
Ryan: (snorts) I mean...

This is just for show,
right, sis?

You gotta hire your bro.
Your twin. Your womb mate.

Rhian: Your work ethic isn't
the issue here, okay?

It's a matter of fraternizing
with the guests

Below the equator.

On July 7th at 10:00 pm,
you were seen leaving cabin 4.

- Okay, so I hooked up
with a guest, one time.

What about you and oscar?
Finn: Come on.

- Tell me why you
wanna work here.

- We don't wanna work here.

- We wrote that
on the application.

- Well, tough tacos, okay.
It's about time that you start

Contributing to the greater
good of the moonshine.

The free ride is over.
Colin: Free ride?

But I'm your life partner!
- But what makes you think

You'd be such a great fit
for the accounting position?

- I'm a cpa, cfa with an mba.

I also know cpr, fyi.

- Well then, mr. Acronym,
you're hired.

- (purrs)

- You know what?
If you don't appreciate me

And what I do for
the moonshine...

I quit!
- I quit, too.

- Woo!
- (gasps)

Rhian: Fine! Then you can both
vacate the company trailer

By the end of the day.

I know you can't afford
to live anywhere else.

- In that case, I un-quit.
- I still quit, though.

(shrieks)

Ooh. (sighs happily)

- Um, sorry, why am I here?
I gave you the keys.

I'm taking the rest
of the summer off.

- For your exit interview.

If you ever need a letter
of referral,

This is the standard procedure.

Something's different
about you.

Oh, my god, you had sex?

With that biker guy I saw
at your trailer this morning?

- It was a one-time thing.
- Well, that's a shame,

'cause we could really use
the outlaw action

To shake these suckers up.
- No, rhian, no.

I already told you, our
criminal days are behind us.

- (sniffles)
- are you okay, rhian?

Oh, my god,
did you bring me here

Because you wanted to talk?

- It just feels like no one
is on my side.

- Because you just
fired everyone.

- Except for the baby
who's on the inside,

Leeching my lifeforce.
- Honey...

I remember that first trimester
overwhelm so well.

- Why aren't we foxton cove
business association material?

Stupid president,
katie frasier,

With her stupid white car,
and her stupid crunchy hair.

- Wait, wait, wait.
Thirsty... Katie?

Is that all?
(laughs)

We were besties in high school!

Ha! Okay. Look, I know I said
I'd be hands off,

But let me help you with this.

Maybe I invite katie
to lobster-palooza,

Reconnect, show her who we are!

- Why would we wanna do that?

- Leave it all to me, mama.

I got this.

(door opens, bell jingles)

Katie: (whispers) you've got
to be kidding me.

- What? Hold on! Katie?
- (gasps)

- Is that you?
- Lidia! Oh my god!

I had no idea you were home.

- It's crazy bumping
into you like this!

- Right? I mean a town of
200 people, who woulda thunk?

- I see your billboards
all over town.

Catchy slogan.
So, you and joel?

- 20 years this fall.
- Oh.

- I heard you had married
some hot jewish architect

And had a big firm in nyc.
- Oh, technically brooklyn.

He's... Half-jewish.
- Which half?

- The right one.

(both laugh and sigh)

- So, how's it being back
in the trailer park?

- You mean, idyllic,
ocean-side campground?

- Of course.
- Never a dull moment.

Lobster-palooza this weekend.

Oh my god, you and joel
should totally come!

- Hmm, I don't know,
busy season.

- All you can eat lobster,

Best sunsets on the shore.

Open bar?
- (laughs)

Remember when we used to sneak
our coolers up on the wharf?

(laughs)
those were the days.

Drinkin' our carbs, like we
were gonna live forever.

- Slatherin' our faces
with baby oil,

Like sun damage was something

That only happened
to other people.

- (laughs) we had some crazy
times.

- Well, we still can.
We're gonna party

Like it's 1999, biz-natch!

- Okay, what the hell!
- That's the spirit.

See ya there!
- All right, bye-bye.

- Ooh yes!

Ryan: You still work here, too?
Score.

- Yep, 'til rhian's next
psychotic break.

- Just a little
hair of the dog.

You okay?
- Yeah! I'm just...

Not really feeling lobster
palooza this year, that's all.

- Feel bad for the beady-eyed
suckers, eh?

Silent screaming thing
they do when they boil?

- Um... It's really more
about the whole weekend

I was left here, thing.
But...

- Haven't been able to stop
thinking about

What you said the other night.

- That if you had to throw up,
you should do it in the sink.

- About us finding out
who your bio mom is!

- I uh... Actually put out
a couple feelers.

I ordered one of those
genetic testing kit things

And talked to terry.

He's gonna run a dna search
through the police database.

It'd only be a match if my
bio-parents were criminals,

But fingers crossed?

- Well, I can help search, too.

Leave no stone unturned.

Like detectives
who are also brothers.

- Ryan...
- one has a drinking problem.

- Oh my god.
- I'd watch that show.

- Ryan, look, I really
appreciate the help.

- No, sammy, I get it.

You see me as the least
competent person you know.

And you're right.
I definitely am.

But don't forget,

I was the one that found you
on that porch.

I was there first.
I'm the missing link.

- (scoffs)

Actually, the term missing link
denotes uh...

An extinct primate that...

- You went to university,
we get it.

- You really wanna help?
I got an idea.

Lidia: Ugh!
- It's broken. I give up.

- You've seriously never
cleaned this place before?

(spray hisses)
it's impressive.

- No one cared before terry.
If they did, I didn't care.

It really bugs me that
he thinks I'm a slob.

- Oh, because you love him.

- He should love me!
Carpet mold and all.

- Does terry wear glasses?

- No, those are josh's.
- Who's josh?

- Uh, this guy I slept with
for a while.

He was really into slasher
movies

In a way that made me nervous.

- Did it ever occur to you
that maybe terry's upset

Because this apartment
is a graveyard

Of broken relationships?
- Men are so weird.

- Oh yeah,
says the serial dater

Who keeps trophies
from her victims.

- I don't know why I've held on
to this stuff for so long.

It's just proof of all
my bad decisions.

Speaking of bad decisions,

Are we really not talking about
your nocturnal sex-capade?

(items clinks)

What?
- It was incredible. Ha, ha!

Both times.

- You broke your post-daniel
seal, I'm proud of you.

- There's a "but" coming.

- Not that I haven't dated
my fair share of bad boys.

- Don't worry, it was
a one-time thing. I think.

I asked him to leave
this morning.

Hope I didn't hurt
his feelings.

- Well, I'm sure he's back
at his biker lair

Journaling about it, right now.

- You think he thinks
I'm slutty?

- Who cares what he thinks?

- I don't know why I'm asking
you for advice.

You screwed pee-wee herman.

- Which is why I am an expert
on random hook-ups.

Screwing him is one thing.

Getting into business with him
is next-level risky.

- I'm not in business with him,
it's just a reno!

Plus, I've been jonesing to lay

Sweet, moroccan tiles
in a bathroom.

Maybe taking them up
on to the wall.

- For the love of god,
do not do that terrible,

High-pitched squealy thing
you used to do in high school

When you had a crush on a guy.
- What thing?

I didn't do a thing. Ugh, god!
What is this? A chocolate...

- Hockey puck! Melty mark!

Oh, bad at birthday gifts.
Great at oral.

- You need to examine this.

♪♪♪

- Mmm.

Nom, nom, nom.

- Anything?

- I don't get how eating
this delicious lobster

Is gonna help us find
your bio mom.

Not that I'm complaining.
- It's called senso-biography.

By recreating sense memories
from the day that you found me,

We might be able to trigger
you know, some details,

You might've forgotten.

- Like a scavenger hunt
in my mind.

- Exactly! Okay, let's start
with the location.

- Hmm.
- This porch.

- Do it.

(light tap)
- okay. (sighs)

Winds outta the east that day.
- East.

- Nope. East.

Moonshine woulda been
at capacity.

(phone beeps on,
upbeat music plays)

(indistinct chatter)
take a deep breath in.

- (inhales)
- exhale.

- (exhales deeply)

- What do you see?
- Total darkness.

- In your memory, ry!
- Oh! Right!

It was hot.

I was coming up from the beach
with my trusty bong,

Le grand orange,

And then, I heard a baby cry.

I came to the porch,
and there you were.

Cute as a button.

- Okay, that's good.
That's really good.

Now, look around.

Did you maybe see anyone else?

Maybe someone who looks
like me?

- You mean drop-dead handsome,
with the best hair on the cove?

No! I would for sure
remember that.

(warbled voice) baby sammy.

Baby sammy, where are you?

Baby sammy...

Nora: It's come to my attention

That I may be a serial
relationship wrecker.

It's got me thinking about
taking a critical gaze

Back at myself.

I have started dating someone
exclusively,

Someone that I...

Love,

And I can already feel the cold
winds of romantic doom.

So... I gotta ask my past,

How do I not screw this one up?

Okay...

Duck bong guy. Kevin?

Or... Carl?

Can't remember your name,

But I do remember getting so
high I thought I was dying.

(call indicator beeps)
where did we go wrong?

(call indicator beeps)

Oh, uh...

(clicks line)
hello, you're on the air.

Calvin: Nora? It's me, calvin.

Duck bong guy! (laughs)

- Holy sh*t, that's it. Calvin!

- I just had to call in,
to tell you,

You were an awesome girlfriend.

- But I broke your heart.
I used you for weed!

I never visited you
in jail once!

- Nah, man, you said
the funniest stuff.

And you had like, a bed.
You were the love of my life.

- No sh*t.

- I never miss your show,
so I was wondering

If I could get my duck bong
back?

I don't know,
maybe borrow some money?

I'm kinda between places
right now, which is,

You know, not uncommon.
- Thank you, calvin.

An eye-opening glimpse
into my past.

The takeaway,
I was not the problem.

That time.

Oh! Douchebag doug!

You loved frappuccinos
and telling me how to drive.

You listening?

(tires rumble and stop,
door opens)

(rock music plays in distance)

(door shuts)

Lidia: Hey.

- Are those for me?

- Yeah, we didn't get
to have breakfast and um...

I wanted to apologize.

- Okay?

- You don't think I was
blowing you off.

Uh, it just got so weird.

My kids and my mom,
and all that and...

Those.

I don't usually do
what we did last night.

- That's a shame.
You're really good at it.

- Anyway, uh, I just want
to make sure we're cool.

- We're cool.

- Cool.

- Just one more thing.
- Hmm?

- Don't forget to get met
that quote for my garage reno.

- Yes. Right, the quote.
I will get you that.

Next week. Right now,
I just have my hands full

With uh...
Passing out on beaches.

And lobster-palooza.

It's this thing the moonshine
does every year.

Uh, involving lobster,
obviously.

- Maybe I'll swing by.

- Oh, yes. Yeah!

You totally should.
Okay.

Uh, I'm just wondering
how to end this interaction.

- (laughs)
- is this like a hug or...

Like a handshake?
Ooh, a fist bump?

♪♪♪

(sighs)

That works.
- (chuckles lightly)

- Okay.
- Thank you for the muffins.

- Welcome!

(hushed) yeah!
(giggles)

(normal voice) oh, hey, robin.

♪ I was lyin' on the grass

♪ on Sunday morning
of last week ♪

♪ indulging in my self-defeat

♪ my mind was thugged
all laced and bugged ♪

♪ all twisted wrong
and beat ♪

♪ uncomfortable in three
feet deep ♪

♪ now the fuzzy stare
from not being there ♪

♪ the confusing morning week

- Boo!
- Oh, hi!

- Did katie show? How many
drink tickets have we sold?

Is my antenna crooked?
- Oh, trust me, she'll show.

If there's one thing I know
about thirsty katie,

It is physically impossible
for her to pass up free booze.

- I hope you're right. And that
she doesn't still hate you.

- What?
Why would katie hate me?

- Oh... No, she doesn't.

Never mind,
forget I said anything.

- No, can't just say that
and then not elaborate.

- Okay, fine.

She hated you in high school

Because she was in love
with joel frasier,

And you were in love
with joel frasier,

And joel frasier
was in love with you.

- Oh. This is crazy.
We were kids.

They're happily married now.
While I'm...

Separated, barefoot,

And praying my one-night-stand
shows up.

- (sighs)
- did katie really not like me?

- No one did, lidia.
- What?!

Why?

- Probably because you got
all the guys.

- But that's not fair. It's not
my fault I'm delightful.

- Tell me when the eagle
has landed.

I have got to pee,
and it is not going to be easy.

- Look...
- oscar!

- Yeah?
- You are on zipper duty.

- Full stream ahead.
- There you go.

♪ now the funny glare
to pay a gleaming tare ♪

♪ in a staring under heat

♪ involved in under
usual feat ♪

- When someone says
they'll maybe swing by,

Is that a commitment to coming,
a 50-50 chance they'll show,

Or just empty words?
- Means they'll maybe swing by.

One-time thing, huh.
- Fine.

You worry about your playlist.

- Every 90's hit
no one wants to hear.

♪ I know it's up for me
- ah!

♪ if you steal my sunshine

Yay! Ha, ha, you made it!
Welcome back.

- You remember my husband,
joel.

- Oh yeah.
- It's great to see you, joel.

Okay, you two are my vips.

So, just step back, relax,

Really get the whole
moonshine experience.

- Does that include a working
toilet?

- Ha, ha.
- I can't.

I'm gonna pass on the food.

Mama wants to get her
buzz on tonight.

- Well, we will keep
those coolers flowin'!

Cheers, b*tch.
(bottles clink)

♪ keeping dumb
and built to beat ♪

♪ if you steal my sunshine

Way sweeter than I remember.

- Katie! So glad
that you could make it.

♪ my sunshine

- Hmm! Rhian, right?

- That's right.
- Long time.

Wow, that is quite the outfit.

- Yeah, it's hard to know
where to look.

- Well, lobster-palooza
wouldn't be lobster-palooza

Without larissa the lobster.

She honours the spirits
of the all the lobsters

We've slaughtered
over the years.

So, tell me, hobbies,
interests?

I enjoy small engine repair

And strategic board games
with my lover.

- Oh, okay.

(c+c music factory:
"gonna make you sweat")

Nora: Woo!
- O... M... G,

This is my jam!

- Oh, that's right,
you choreographed a dance

The senior girls had to do
every year in gym class.

Do you remember it?

- It's hammer time.

Lidia: On the dance floor.
Now.

- No, me dancing was not
a part of the deal.

- I scrubbed your toilet,
b*tch!

- Ugh! Fine!

♪♪♪

Katie: Girls, follow me
to the dance floor!

♪♪♪

♪ give me the music

♪ everybody dance now

♪♪♪

♪ everybody dance now

- That went well, but that
thing you said earlier

About the girls not liking
me in high school...

- Natch, the time for tears.

- I just think we have
different versions

Of what went down back then.
- Don't believe me? Ask nora.

♪ yeah

♪ yeah

♪ everybody

Lidia: Hey, so weird question.
You're probably gonna be like,

"what? That's so crazy.
Don't be crazy, lidia."

Um, but rhian was under
the impression

That none of the girls
in high school liked me.

That's like totally insane,
right?

- No, that's accurate.
- Oh.

- Shake your money maker!
Woo!

- Just because joel frasier
had a crush on me?

So unfair.
Frankly un-feminist.

- Well, I was under
the impression it was because

You were an uptight,
overzealous, nit-picking,

Skinny, blonde b*tch.
Not my words.

- Skinny?

♪ move
♪ step to the right

- Oh god. You think that's
why gale hasn't shown up?

- Oh god.

- You think he thinks
I'm uptight?

But I'm way more likeable now,
right?

- Um...

- I really think I've mellowed
since high school.

Like, on a scale of 1 to zen...
- yeah.

- I'm what like... Uh, an 8?
- Uh...

- Hey, do not running man
away from me

When I'm talking to you, nora!

♪ move you, sweat
(crowd cheering)

♪ sweat

♪ let the music take control

(crowd cheering)
♪ let the rhythm move you

- Didn't know it was possible
for a lobster to... Twerk.

- Is it wrong to slip
a pregnant woman

A sleeping pill,
just to make it stop?

(indistinct chatter)

(music plays in background)

(lipstick case rattles)

(toilet flushes)

Katie: It's party time!
- Ha, ha.

- Oh, my god, that was amazing.

- Yeah.
- Ah.

(can rattles)

(hairspray hisses)

(chokes, coughs)
katie: Oh my god,

I am having flashbacks to
our senior prom after party.

Remember I did that keg stand
on the wharf

And my bikini top fell off?

- Yeah, you kept chuggin'
like a champ.

- Powered through with
my t*ts out. (laughs)

Ah, I can't believe
that was over 20 years ago.

sh*t, we're old.

- Don't you kinda
secretly feel like

We're just getting started,
though?

At least, that's what I tell
myself when I'm awake at 4 a.M.

Questioning my life choices.

- Things are actually great
with me.

Number one realtor
on the south shore.

Joel and I are having the best
sex of our marriage.

- Hmm.

- The kids mostly just stay
in their rooms.

But I finally got to the bottom
of my food allergies.

- Gluten?
- Tree nuts.

- Oh!

Huh...

Katie, listen,

If I ever did or said
anything in high school

That hurt your feelings,
I'm really sorry.

Women need to support
each other

We should never let a man
come between us.

- We were all assholes
in high school, right.

But I agree, 100 percent.
- Hmm.

- Girl power!
- (gasps) gale! Be right back.

(motorcycle rumbles)

(reggae music plays)

♪♪♪

(rumbles by)

(water rippling,
indistinct chatter)

- I didn't think
you were gonna show.

- What, and miss all this?
- (giggles)

- Nice crowd.
- Yeah, thank god.

We really need the money.

(sighs)

- So, our little uh,
drug smuggling deal

Didn't solve your cashflow
problem?

- Just enough
to fix the septic.

- (sharp inhale,
clears throat)

Seems like a nice place
to stay the weekend.

- Oh yeah? You uh...

Thinkin' of a staycation?

- Depends who's asking.
- Oh.

I could probably get you a deal
but...

You might have to sleep
with one of the owners.

- Hmm.

Your sister's pretty hot.

I mean, you could
crack her open,

Dip her in some garlic butter.
- (giggles)

♪♪♪

(footsteps crunch)

That thing belongs
in a dumpster.

Oh, it's full of dust mites.

And asbestos.

- (pants)

I'll flip it.

- We flipped that mattress
50 times!

It's time to let it go, hun.
- I can't!

You, me, and this mattress,
is the best threesome

I ever had.
- Give it a rest!

Just for a minute.
- Okay then, um...

I'm gonna go down
to the beach and...

- And before you know it,
it's 3:00 a.M.,

And we're pickin' up empties,

And drivin' home drunks
that don't leave.

I realize we're not in the same
place with retirement,

And that's okay,

We're different people.
- Yeah.

- We don't have to do
everything together.

Tabata, zumba,

Whatever else people are doing
not to die early these days.

Just as long as we always end
up in the same bed at night.

That's all I ask.

(footsteps thud)

Crystal: Well, since I'm
unemployed now,

I figured that I better come up
with a new income stream.

- Strong call, babe.

Wait 'til these guys
get sloppy,

Then detect your way to some
buried treasure.

- Best 13th birthday present,
ever!

It was my mom's fencing days.
She gave me a choice

Between a metal detector
or bolt cutters.

No contest!

Metal detector, gift that keeps
on giving, baby!

- Ah.
- (detector whines) ooh!

Oh, cream soda.
- Meh.

(cheering in distance)

Crystal: Look at katie,

She is not that much older
than me,

And she is foxton's
number one realtor.

(katie whooping in distance)

I don't know why it just
comes easy to some.

- Dharma. It's like your
purpose, right?

- Yeah, well I mean like,
your... Your guiding force.

Your north star.

The thing that only you can do.

- Wish I could find some
dharma to help sammy

Find his bio mom.
- What? Ry!

You can't find dharma.

Dharma... Finds you.

(metal detector whines)

(lighter snicks,
water bubbles)

(metal detector whines)

(long exhale)

♪♪♪

(lighter snicks,
water bubbles)

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(lighter snicks,
water bubbles)

♪♪♪

Ryan: (softly) hi.
I'm ryan.

♪♪♪

How are you doing?

You're safe, okay?
- Ryan.

Ryan!
(slaps hand)

What are you doing?
- Moose knuckle.

- Huh?

Moose knuckle!
It's where I found you!

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

Moose knuckle.

- (sighs)

♪♪♪

(beer sloshes)

- This is stupid. Help me up.
- No, no, two minutes.

Two more minutes.
You see in the boat,

He's a little baby.

He's crying, he's a little
baby in a boat.

He's a baby in a boat,
and he's cute.

He's a baby burrito
in a boat.

Ah! Come on, come on,
come on!

(paper crinkles)
- ryan...

Look!

Ryan: What is that?

- Yo, yo, yo, yo!
- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

♪ things that you
wanna find ♪

- Look at this, custom
leather pants, like crack.

Ooh, ooh, ooh.
Delish.

- From what I hear, drug
smuggling's the least of it.

This guy's got his fingers
in all kinds of dirty pies.

- I wish he'd take his finger
out of lidia's dirty pie.

- Spoken like a champ.

♪ I'll be everything
you need ♪

♪ if you don't love me
I will set you free ♪

- Okay... Wow.
- I take that back.

- Listen, I know that
I have been with

Lots of other guys in my time

And there may be remnants
of said hook-ups

That I've just been
too busy to...

- Nora, you don't need
to explain your past to me.

- No, I know. I want to.

In case you're worried.
- I'm not.

- Okay.

- Okay.

♪♪♪

Nora: God, I hope
I don't have to wear

A leather bridesmaid dress.

(exhales)

(box scrapes on wood)

- Got it.

- Hoo.

(lid creaks)
ryan: Oh!

Mine!

(both gasp)

- Jeezy!

(paper crinkles)

(sniffs deeply)
oh, smells like you.

And socks.

(paper crinkling)

- It's the letter
she left with me.

♪♪♪

Sammy: A fish with wheels.

It's gotta mean something.

♪♪♪

♪ come with me

♪ come with me, yeah

♪ I'll be everything
you need ♪

♪ yeah

- Who's that guy?
- Oh, joel frasier.

The not so better half
of our guest of honour.

Foxton's real estate
power couple.

- Hmm.

- He had a thing for me
in high school.

- Hmm. You plannin' on selling
this place?

'cause he's getting ready
to list.

- No, we're not.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(camera clicks)

- Whatcha doin' there, joel?

- Uh... Instagram?

- Bit weird posting our
property lines, dontcha think?

- Guys scoot together.
I'll get a photo. That's nice.

Katie: What are you three
up to?

- Joel's our uh...
Event photographer, I see.

- Ah! (laughs)

You're so funny, lidia!

So much funnier
than I remember.

- Uh huh. Hmm.

Joel? Care to comment?

- Uh, okay, I'll handle this,

Just like I handle
everything else.

- Garlic butter's off the hook
this year. You wanna try some?

Katie: Lidia, I didn't want
this to come out today,

Because we were having
such a blast.

- This is getting fun.

- But if you wanna go there...
- I do.

- Okay, fine.
Foxton has the potential

To be a world-class
destination.

You know why it's not?

'cause right smack dab
in the centre of it,

On the best stretch
of beachfront property,

Is a shitty-a*s trailer park.

- Idyllic,
oceanside campground.

- Everyone in this town knows

That the moonshine is broke.

It's only a matter of time...
- (nora laughs)

- ...Before this dump
is on the auction block,

And then, it's katie
to the rescue.

- Katie and joel.
- I know people, okay.

Developers with cash.

And I will make sure
that this eyesore

Is turned into a cruise
ship-attracting,

Elite, golden clam-worthy
destination.

Rhian: h*-hold on,
so that's why

We weren't accepted into
the business association.

- That and I just don't
like you.

Or lidia.

With your perfect hair.

And legs.

And nose. And teeth.

- Okay, now you're just
naming body parts.

- When you left foxton,
I actually like,

Respected you for a hot second.

But now look at you.

Right back where you started.

You can take the girls
outta the trailer,

But you're all still trash.

(joel and katie laugh snidely)

Lidia: Katie, just get the hell
off our beach.

- Or what?

What are you gonna do, lidia?

Screw my husband? (laughs)

Go for it! Save me
the 30 seconds. (laughs)

(flame roars, hair sizzles)

- Uh, katie, babe...
You're on fire, babe.

- I know! And I'm just
gettin' started!

Nora: Oh sh*t.

Lidia: No, you're literally
on fire.

- Oh! Ah! (screams wildly)

(butter splashes, sizzles)

- (laughs)

- That's hot.

Rhian: So...

Are we in? (chuckles)

(water rippling)

(birds chirp)

(blue rodeo: "lost together")

(hand pats)

(confused exhale)

(yawns) ken?

♪♪♪

(door clunks open)
hun?

(bea sighs)

Sweet jesus.

♪ strange and beautiful
are the stars tonight ♪

♪ that dance around
your head ♪

(snoring)

♪ in your eyes I see
that perfect world ♪

♪ I hope that doesn't
sound too weird ♪

(snores)

♪ and I want all the world
to know ♪

♪ that your love's
all I need ♪

(clamp clicks)

♪ all that I need

♪ yeah, and if we're lost

- (gasps) ooh! Ugh!
(ring clatters)

♪ then we are lost together

Crystal: Foxton high.

♪ yeah, if we're lost

Well, hello, dharma.

♪ we are lost together

♪♪♪

Enjoy.

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

(keys clack)

(lawn mower sputters)

(engine stops)

(brake squeaks)

- Okay, b-before
you say anything,

I know I said I'd help us get
into the business association...

- We made more money yesterday

Than we have in the history
of lobster-palooza.

And...

You're looking at the newest
member of the fcba.

My clam is finally golden,
b*tches!

(slaps hand sharply)

(sighs)
- what? How?

- Thirsty katie resigned
as president

Of the association
this morning.

Her last order of official
business

Was to make sure the moonshine
was its newest member.

- That is a pivot
I did not see coming.

- Well, little known fact,
due to its dairy base,

Melted garlic butter is
actually a flame retardant

So... You know, I basically
saved thirsty katie's life.

She owed me.

I guess I should thank you
for screwing up so bad

That I had to step in
and save the day.

I'm going to plaster
these babies everywhere!

(keys rattle, engine starts)

♪♪♪

- Oh.
- Here you go.

- It is so strange.

I thought for sure thirsty
katie was gonna press charges,

But instead we got in?

- Some men bring flowers...

- You did this?

How?
- Well... (clears throat)

I can be very persuasive.

♪♪♪

- Take me for that ride?

(ram jam: "black betty")
(motorcycle engine roars)

♪ yeah, whoa,
black betty bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ whoa black betty
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ she really gets me high
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ you know that's no lie
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ she's so rock steady,
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ she's always ready,
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ whoa black betty,
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪ whoa black betty,
bam-ba-lam ♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪

♪♪♪