Let's go, let's go back
EAT PRAY BARK
Darling, when you let go
Can't go back
Life is more fulfilling
- Not now!
- with a dog.
Dog owners are happier people.
DOG TRAINING FOR BEGINNERS
They remind us to appreciate
the little things in life
and to always live in the moment.
Dogs are naturally curious.
They love to explore your world with you.
You little sh*t. I'm gonna k*ll you.
Living with a dog
Drop it! Drop it right now!
increases your life expectancy.
Daily walks
with your dog is a perfect way
Not so fast, Torsten.
to get exercise, and to relax.
Torsten, come! Heel! Torsten, this way!
A dog makes it easy to make friends.
Ugh Whoa, what the hell?
- Uh, hey, what is it?
- Hello!
Hi, hi This is Torsten. He's a sweet boy.
- No dogs in my car. Out.
- I said I was bringing a dog on the app.
I said no dogs in my car.
I guess I clicked the wrong thing.
Is that coriander? It's so calming!
CANCEL RIDE
Out!
Oh my.
Okay, come on, Torsten. It's time to go.
Torsten, come! Torsten, we wanted to show
how well behaved you are!
Torsten.
No worries, it's all good.
Oh 'kay, Thanks, anyway.
A dog brings people
who love each other even closer.
Shared experiences become
unforgettable memories.
For you.
Oh crap!
Oh my God!
- Well, it's not my fault.
- So it's my fault?
- The dog's fault.
- The dog has a name, Helmut!
Your dog bites me!
Every time.
Hey, back! Let me finish packing, okay?
The most precious gift
a dog gives you is their complete trust.
She's officially your dog now. Congrats!
- the foundation of any relationship
- It's great you're listening to the book.
Less great that
you're not completely packed yet.
Do you want to miss your train?
With a dog by your side
They're airing that report
about you on Morning Magazine.
- I'll take you to the station myself.
- Ah!
If you really want to help,
keep that dog away from me.
Be sweet to that pooch.
It's your chance to move on
from this messy business.
I have a law degree. A doctorate.
I have worked at the Brookings Institute
for years. But now you tell me
that adopting a dog will be
the only chance to save my entire career?
You know it's true.
This dog is totally deranged.
Didn't the shelter have any normal pets?
Yeah, it's been tough for you and Gaga.
But now we'll get help!
This guy Nodon is a genius, so they say.
Ziggy, you've raved
about every dog trainer we've had.
But instead of help,
we wind up with a bill.
Yeah not this time. Okay?
I hope you're right, because
if we can't fix this, I'm moving out.
Ugh!
It's vending machine coffee.
Yeah. Does the precious professor need
a fancy blend to get through the day?
It's not about one being fancy,
I don't want to drink shitty coffee.
Snob.
Hey, hey!
- Whoa
- Shh, shh! Stop it Hey.
Shh! That's enough.
Stop it Now, come.
Roxy.
Shut up, or I'll cut your throat.
Ursula Brandmeier,
Bavarian State Minister for
the Environment and Consumer Protection,
and her party's top candidate
in the coming election.
That was a great discussion
regarding views
on whether pet ownership
is a burden on the climate.
I think a majority of pet owners
can now breathe easier.
And we've cut to a clip. Thanks, everyone.
- Do you actually own a dog?
- Oh God, no.
I'd much rather poke out my eyes than
have one of those brutes in my house.
For many, their dog is their most
significant life partner.
Wow, if my pet was my significant
life partner, you might as well k*ll me.
We had a problem with the clip.
I was just told that
there was an issue with the clip.
We were still on air.
Wow. Someone really
screwed the pooch on that one.
Yeah, that's for sure.
Technical mistakes
can be very enlightening.
I heard that there are several petitions
now calling for her to step down.
Mm. As she should.
SHOULD BRANDMEIER RESIGN?
As she should. Or not?
Tell us what you think.
It's completely unfair.
The finance minister just said
unemployment is like athletes foot.
- This must be
- You already know how this works.
Women working in politics are held to
a completely different standard than men.
Here. With this,
you'll be totally incognito in Tyrol.
Wear it. And now it's time to leave.
Ugh
That's my favorite pillow!
Torsten, not so fast!
Torsten, stop, stop, stop, stop!
It's not a race, Torsten! Torsten!
Hey, control that animal!
Your career is at stake, Ursula.
So keep your mouth shut and
make sure no one recognizes you.
Good luck.
PDT: THE ANIMAL-FRIENDLY PARTY
OUR DOG HATER FOR EUROPE
ZILLERTAL RAILWAY
Oh, that's great.
We're spending the weekend
with a k*ller and his charming owner.
Wow!
Are you here for the dog training?
- Yeah, and you?
- Mm-hmm.
This is unbelievable!
It is so gorgeous up here.
Oh
Thank you, that's very kind.
I hear that Nodon lives somewhere up there
- in those mountains.
- Hey.
Why didn't you arrange
for a private session?
There are way too many people.
He doesn't offer private classes.
And he's booked for the next four months.
You're lucky I found someone
willing to sell their spot.
Go find anyone else to be here.
Get someone to train this insane beast
and give him back to me fixed.
That's not how it works.
You have to learn how to deal with her.
- Nodon!
- The guy is a genius with dogs.
We're coming!
Oh God, they're all totally nuts.
That's why the dogs are being trained.
I mean the humans.
Pull yourself together.
At the next Live on Wednesday,
- you'll present yourself as a dog lover.
- Hello!
- Call me Gustl.
- You two'll be soulmates by then.
- You need to take this very seriously.
- Uh, hello.
After the recent incident,
91% of viewers voted for your resignation.
So you are here to see Nodon?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
- Stay incognito. If you're recognized,
- it's over.
- Okay! Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm tired of waiting. Come on.
In that death trap?
You prefer to walk?
REISINGER INN
Okay, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh my!
This can't be happening.
Shh
So this little beauty is Lady Gaga,
Gaga, or G, depending on her mood.
And my name is Ziggy.
And this is my husband, Helmut.
He's a professor
of 19th Century Literature.
Gaga and my man
have problems with each other.
I have no problem with that dog.
That dog has a problem with me.
Helmut is part of the problem.
Plus, he's on the spectrum.
On the spectrum? Did I miss something?
Like maybe a professional diagnosis?
It's more like an observation.
Don't freak out.
An observation, you say?
Well, isn't that great?
Any other observations you want to share?
Something we can all discuss
in this termite-ridden carriage?
Hi! This is Torsten!
- Yeah, and, uh, I'm, uh, Babs.
- Mm.
Also, my problem is
um
that I might have to give up Torsten,
because he's so wild.
But he's also friendly!
And when he hurts people,
he doesn't really mean it, just you know.
Were there lawsuits?
Sure, but he's a sweet boy.
We've tried different trainers,
but none have fixed the problem.
I mean, we've done a lot of classes.
Good boy.
Um, do you have a heart-wrenching story
you'd like to share
with your new best friends?
- No.
- Thank you.
And what about you then? What's your name?
Ur
schi.
Urschi?
Your name is great!
It's It's a very nice name.
It's fine, I'm not on this trip
to make new friends.
Hello, my name is Torsten.
Would you like to be friends with me?
Oh wow, look what a sweetheart you are!
Hi, the name's Babs.
Hakan.
And who is this friend?
Roxy.
What's with the muzzle?
Maybe she talks too much.
Stop it.
Mm.
Hey, Gaga.
Hey, look what Daddy has for you.
- Shh!
- Gaga.
Look here.
Gaga.
It's okay, you're okay.
Good girl. Here.
This is Gaga's emotional support animal.
It helps with her stress.
- Sorry, Ziggy, was it? One sec.
- Hey!
Well, that wasn't very nice.
It could be worse, at least he didn't
throw the dog over the side.
My God, this is so cheesy.
Yah!
Ziggy, I'm interested in
how you got to that spectrum comment.
You know I'm not the only one.
Sabine believes it.
Oh! Your therapist is diagnosing me now?
When? When was that?
Did she diagnose me remotely?
I said you could join me
in therapy but you refused.
At least I'll be dead soon.
Oh my God.
I hope that's him.
Uh
- Well, put her down!
- Yeah.
Now that I've met your companions,
it's time for us
to learn about each other.
Yeah, but please, no sniffing, young man.
I'm fine with it.
No worries. I only do that with the dogs.
It's a method I learned when I lived with
a pack of wolves out in the wilderness.
That's cool. That is really brave.
Or really stupid.
This is Heidi. I am her dagda.
My name is Nodon.
- He's a what?
- A dagda.
"Dagda" is a Celtic word.
It means "Companion
and protector of dogs."
Please take their leashes off.
Um I'd, um, love that,
um, but I'm afraid that he'll run away
if I let him off the leash.
No.
Okay.
Here, my love.
The stories were true! It's real!
He has magical powers!
- Can you take off the muzzle?
- Nobody wants that.
He's right, none of us want
to see that dog without a muzzle.
I'm attached to my face.
Great.
Okay, that's fine. You're not ready.
And the dress, please.
But Gaga loves her dress.
It gives her self-confidence.
Oh please. Well
Oh my God.
What'd you do?
Gaga!
Oh God, Gaga's a city girl.
She'll never find her way back.
She'll be eaten by a squirrel!
Okay, people. I'd like these returned
in pristine condition, understand?
This is Birgit.
She's your host,
and the heart and soul of this house.
We're going hiking.
No chance in hell.
I've been traveling for seven hours.
I'm ready for a nap.
A nap, then a c*ck.
My room key, please.
What is this?
Everyone put on your hiking boots.
If anything bad happens to Gaga,
- I'll k*ll him.
- Hm.
I see your little power play.
It's time to surrender your cell phones.
We want you to focus completely
on your surroundings.
Yeah. I'm fully committed.
We can't leave
before I get all of your phones.
You can give them up voluntarily,
or I can remove them from you.
Oh
Everything was perfect.
Gaga made us
a complete family, full of love.
But then she started to bite Helmut.
So what did you do then?
What did I do? Gaga likes me.
So?
What's my option?
We take a rest, up on that hill.
This is the land of our Celtic ancestors.
That's not true.
My people are all from Hamburg-Blankenese.
We will immerse ourselves
in their teachings.
They were extremely knowledgeable
about nature, living creatures,
and especially dogs.
Which way, Legolas?
Ugh.
She's only forgetting your name,
Nodon, as it's a bit different.
I mean, it is kind of an unusual name.
I'm named after Nodons.
He's the Celtic god of dogs.
Ah.
Do you mean there really is a god of dogs?
Yeah.
Oh wow. I can tell.
Okay, look, I have to be honest
I know you're not a real god.
Please, I'm not stupid.
But for me and for Torsten,
can you please be a real god?
I can't fail this exam again.
If they take Torsten,
I'm not sure I'm gonna survive.
We'll make sure that you both succeed.
Look around.
Take in the magic of this view.
The very first step in becoming
a better partner for your dogs
is to shake off
all the stress of your daily grind
and leave it all behind.
Just like the Celts would do.
Now breathe deeply.
And out.
And with each exhale
let all your negative energy float away.
Cleanse yourselves
of what's weighing you down.
In.
And out.
And in.
And out.
- And?
- And what?
The breathing. Relaxing. Unspooling.
Yeah, cool.
Fine for them,
but that's not why I'm here.
I want a hamburger.
In your backpack.
In.
And out.
In.
And out.
Are you kidding me?
There are no sandwiches or burgers?
No fruit?
You will find in the backpack
all that you need.
Things that you can only find in nature.
So nature has a sense of humor.
This is just the forest floor,
nothing else.
Did you gather these
herbs all by yourself?
Oh yes. it's collected,
it's dried, it's roasted
and much of it was found
just this very morning.
It's still a mystery
why you chose this bizarre man for us.
Was it maybe due to his appearance?
- Oh Helmut.
- I'm not very happy with your choice.
Not a shock.
As usual, it's all my fault.
You win again.
Is this the prize for winning?
So, Nodon, will you also
stay at the inn with us and our dogs?
No.
I live over there,
on that ridge, surrounded by nature.
Really?
Mm-hmm.
All alone?
Yep.
How about all of us go up there
on a hike or something?
To visit you!
No.
Okay.
So tell me, Hakan,
what's your story? What brings you here?
- My wife made me.
- Share more about yourself?
This isn't about me,
my dog is the problem.
What is this?
It's a bird's egg.
It fell out of its nest.
So what should I do with it?
Should I incubate it?
- Eat it.
- Is it cooked?
No. You slurp it raw.
Some find it a delicacy.
So gross. Mm.
Hm.
Anyone want a Celtic treat?
No, thanks.
Ugh.
I'm sure that by now,
most of you will have noticed
an aura around you.
We are at an important Celtic place.
Feel the power of that energy.
I feel it.
My spirit place is a stylish hotel bar,
with a martini and a club sandwich.
Torsten!
Yeah, hello!
Oh hi, my princess, hello.
Did you miss your daddy?
Were you all alone
in that terrifying forest? Mm?
She was in the meadow
with all the other dogs.
She finally got
to stretch her muscles again.
Mm.
Hey, uptight one!
Don't forget to take your friend.
- She sleeps with me, not somewhere else?
- Yeah.
- Can she sleep with you?
- No.
Are you sure? I can pay.
What time do we eat?
It's in the brochure.
Our day together
was extremely spiritual for me.
Ugh. Come on.
Thank you all so much.
No. We thank you.
Tomorrow we shall all meet up
with our dogs.
9:00 a.m. at the lake.
Um, what?
Yeah. Gustl will bring you.
"REISINGER INN" REQUIRES
A WPA2/WPA3 PASSWORD.
Okay.
INCORRECT PASSWORD
Ah.
Off.
Off.
Hmm. I miss something new?
Is it banquet night?
- Where's Brenda?
- In my room.
Alone?
Of course! She doesn't need my help
slobbering on my things.
What? I'm busy.
Um, I'd like my phone returned,
and the password for the Wi-Fi, please.
I'm not here on vacation. I have to work.
A working woman, eh? So am I.
Should we talk business?
No, thanks. My phone, please.
Fine. If you don't place an order,
you can eat dog food.
Wait! Mm
Do you have anything to drink?
Like a bottle of red wine?
You think we're barbarians here?
- We're in Tyrol, we have the best wines.
- Oh yeah?
Or a Vernatsch from Lake Kaltern?
Annoying as hell, but the woman has taste.
So, it's my time.
- No, Ziggy, not now, please don't.
- No.
Here you go, ma'am.
Uh, Birgit, would you like to see
my collection of handmade scented candles?
This is Salty Sea Breeze,
and Caribbean Coco,
which would be fantastic in this abode.
Caribbean?
That would be original.
Please take your scented candles
and put them away.
- Good evening, everyone!
- Evening.
Ah!
That's amazing! Are they all hand-made?
So, I usually sell to wholesale customers,
but if you're interested,
I'll make an exception just for you.
- Really?
- Mm.
Mm!
Coconut? Torsten loves coconut.
He once ate an entire coconut
in two bites. He's a big fan.
This is an excellent choice, my dear.
That'll be 20 euros, please.
Ah, you are saving my butt.
It's because I forgot
Torsten's aroma lamp at my place.
Mm! I'm so hungry.
Why is that?
I gave you an extra-large portion
of berries and mushrooms.
Mm.
And a bird's egg. Extra large.
That was for
the arrogant heifer from the city.
She passed on it.
And as a real Celt,
I'm supposed to eat it all.
The first serving is,
of course, for you. So.
- Mm.
- Enjoy, sweetie.
- Thanks, Birgit.
- Mm-hmm.
Mm.
So, Simon, why make it so hard
for yourself with all this Celtic crap?
You know very well that people pay extra
when you give them a show.
- Plus, we need the money.
- But you take it way too far.
We are Tyroleans,
and there's pride in that.
Mm.
Birgit, a Tyrolean dog trainer
is not special at all.
But a Celt, that's something mystical
that has That has flair.
Flair, flair, flair.
That's just a load of poppycock.
I'm a believer.
Since it's Nodon instead of me,
we've become huge.
Even Bill Kaulitz signed up for this.
Who is Bill Kaulitz?
I don't know him.
- Really?
- No idea.
Mm!
- Here you go.
- Thank you.
- This is for you.
- Thank you.
Thanks.
You. Where are you going?
We're not some snack bar.
In Tyrol, you sit at a table,
like a person.
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah, Hakan. Stay here with us.
It's so much nicer
than sitting by yourself alone.
No. It's not.
Have you ever met anyone
as mean as that guy?
I'm not a fan.
He tossed Gaga's favorite toy
off of the truck.
I hope he's not a m*rder*r.
Which is why
my phone and I need to reunite.
Enjoy.
Thanks.
Oh!
Bon apptit.
Torsten.
Mm.
Oh, look at that.
Gaga's ready for the Met Gala.
It's a one-of-a-kind. A dog needs
to feel just as special as we do.
- Wow.
- And I paid for it.
- Ziggy.
- Hm?
Probably
in our best interest to ignore this.
Oh my. I'm so sorry.
Listen, your dog is messed up.
You think hippie Legolas is gonna fix
your disturbed furball in two days?
Um, okay, um
I need to leave now.
Torsten.
Let's go.
- That wasn't kind.
- Yeah.
We should all be kinder.
So I'm the pariah now?
Not to me.
I see.
I have this feeling
that we've met and we know each other.
- We have not.
- Hm?
Mm, mm.
I am good with remembering faces.
And I'd remember
a distinguished professor of literature.
You're so important.
Yeah. So, where is our Celtic master?
Whoa, oh-oh
Good morning, dear dagdas.
Good morning.
I start the day with a refreshing swim
in this humble lake.
Yeah, sure.
It gets the blood flowing.
Cleanses the soul.
Everyone should try it! Who's first?
So.
Today I'll see how you work
with your protegees as teammates.
We're gonna beat everyone.
It's not against other people.
Mm.
This is how we will proceed.
Helmut, you're the master of Gaga today.
Ziggy, put her down, please,
and give Helmut the leash.
Now listen, Nodon,
this is not a good idea.
You see, um, Gaga and I,
we are both, I should say
We're dysfunctional.
You'll be all right, darling.
You bear the responsibility today.
Ziggy, keep out of Gaga's sight, okay?
- I'm sorry, love.
- You're not sorry.
- Oh, you think this is my idea?
- This is part of your plan.
Look I don't mean to complain,
but I paid for dog training,
and all I'm getting
is a walkabout in the wild.
This stupid dog doesn't get it.
- Let positive energy flow through you.
- Hm.
Be a great dagda,
and your enemy becomes a friend,
when you make your friendship a priority.
Yeah, well, I didn't need
to trudge through some forest
for this stupid fortune cookie wisdom.
You could've shared this via e-mail,
WhatsApp, SMS, fax machine,
or whatever you Celts use.
Snapchat.
Tell me when
we're going to start dog training.
I don't train dogs.
I train humans.
Way back
Played them games on you
Knew that I was wrong
'Cause now I'm sittin' on
A one-track path that's
Your turn.
Come on.
Down. Down.
It's not working.
Would you like a snack, Gaga?
I feel it coming for me
Payback, payback
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Helmut, calm her. Be the leader.
I see room for improvement.
Your next task is all about trust.
Okay, please take off the leashes
and bring your dogs into the water.
Um
- Helmut.
- Hmm?
You can leave the leash on, all right?
The current is a bit too strong for Gaga.
Helmi, just carry Gaga in your arms.
The water is way too strong.
Gaga almost drowned in the bathtub.
You think Gaga can make it happen?
Uh, I don't know for sure.
I don't want anything to happen to her.
And I'm not very happy with this either.
Hey, man,
you gotta stop getting so wound up.
All right, Ziggy, that's enough.
Gaga's ready to go.
It'll be fine.
Gaga's my little princess,
don't you forget.
Well, I hope she's not
the only one to you.
Let's go, Gaga,
it's our turn in the spotlight.
Oh
Good, Helmut.
See what happens when you work together?
Okay, so I'm gonna go over there,
and you can do whatever you want.
That's great, Urschi.
- You're next, Babs.
- Okay.
We're next, Torsten. We can do this.
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Torsten, please come.
Torsten!
No, no, no, no, not like that!
Oh please, Torsten.
Ahh!
sh*t.
Urschi!
I'm so sorry, are you okay?
It's my fault.
You know what I learned?
I thought it was the dog.
But now I realize, Torsten's not at fault.
You're the one to blame!
Babs
Hey.
It's okay.
What's happening with Roxy?
She's just a coward, man.
She won't go near the water.
You're not the problem, Roxy.
The problem's on
the other end of your leash.
If you want Roxy's trust,
you will have to prove that you trust her.
Here you are.
Mm
Is this a magic potion?
No, it's just soup.
Magical soup?
It's a Celtic soup.
This is a magical soup.
It's yesterday's leftovers,
just covered in water.
Mm
Mm
Nature, we thank you here
that you have so generously
provided us today.
We honor you,
respect you,
and protect you.
Thank you for this magical soup.
Enjoy your meal.
Ugh. That is so disgusting.
Urschi, Urschi. I'm starting to get
the feeling that you don't like Brenda.
This has nothing to do with Brenda.
I hate all dogs.
What?
I knew you didn't know
anything about dogs,
but this is basically a hate crime.
Brenda is not my dog.
Wait a minute.
Ugh
Okay, here's my story.
It's hard to believe.
I have a very dear friend, and she's
severely disabled and so very lonely.
And we formed our friend group
for her sake
so she wouldn't be so sad and alone.
So, of course we quickly found out
Brenda is possessed by the devil.
And yeah, I promised my friend
I'd take Brenda up here to Nodon.
Sometimes you must make sacrifices
on behalf of a friend,
and that is why I am such a good person.
I think that's That is so amazing.
Thank you, Babs.
You'd do the same
for your friends as well.
Definitely, yes.
Okay. Let's return to our training.
Um, Nodon,
Babs has another question for you, hm?
Ah, it's okay.
What is it?
Mm Okay. Um
Ah so, uh so tonight
there is some entertainment.
Like Tyrolean music and other fun stuff.
Oh yeah, and you can
bring your dogs as well.
It's a great chance for them
to experience stressful situations.
That's not what I meant. Um, will you, uh
Uh, so we, uh, all wanted to ask, um, uh
You planning on going?
No, Babs.
The entertainment is for the guests.
My world is peace, and nature, in harmony.
- So, Hakan.
- Yeah?
Will you be joining your group
at this evening's festivities?
It's not my thing.
It's not optional.
I promised my wife I'd come here.
But yodeling wasn't part of the deal.
It's all part of the training.
Come here, sweetie. Good.
And for the rest of the day,
Helmut, you're in charge of Gaga.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Hmm. Mm.
[intriguing music playing
BAVARIAN STATE MINISTER
SCANDALOUS VIDEO
RECEPTION
- Do you own a dog?
- Oh God, no.
I'd much rather poke out my eyes
than have one of those brutes in my house.
But for many people, their dog is
their most significant life partner.
Wow, if my pet was my significant
life partner, you might as well k*ll me.
We had a problem with the clip.
Really? I've only been gone for 36 hours!
No, I don't think
I'm hearing you correctly.
Say it again but be more clear.
I don't think
I could be any clearer, Ursula.
Anything else I should know?
Something you're not telling me?
They're getting cold feet. They are
auditioning replacement candidates.
What? Well, who?
Martin Weidenhuber.
Have they gone crazy?
He embezzled public funds and got a DUI.
So what?
He went to rehab, got his license back,
and apologized for the embezzling.
Yeah, but this is absurd.
He keeps bouncing back
after every stupid thing he does,
but I'm the one who's out
because I don't like dogs?
No one said it's fair.
Life is always stacked against women,
especially in politics.
But you knew that getting in the game.
I know.
Let's stick to the plan.
You'll appear on Live on Wednesday.
Yeah, good.
What are you doing in my office?
Well, um
Any particular reason for being here?
Who are you?
Simon Reisinger.
I am the innkeeper and owner.
Ah, this makes sense now.
All of our phones were taken away
by your elderly forest gnome.
That is not all right.
Not my issue,
because when Nodon has a group here,
he makes the rules.
It's out of my hands.
- That's not a good answer.
- Well, it's all I've got.
And you can leave, please.
You'll be hearing from my attorney.
I cannot recommend your establishment.
Fine.
In that case,
I can't recommend you as a guest as well.
Torsten, isn't this music so beautiful?
Torsten, come. Now, please.
Torsten, now, please.
Good.
Now, just like your little friend Gaga.
Helmut?
Gaga is gone.
Ziggy!
Yeah, so that's how you care for our baby.
Anyone could have stolen her.
Let that be a lesson,
Gaga doesn't belong on the floor.
That is the dumbest thing
you've said to me.
Have you been sniffing
your Sea Breeze candles?
You're just acting like you're worked up,
part of your plan.
Wh what g*dd*mn plan?
You're trying to make
my Gaga love you more!
All I want is for her to stop biting me.
- Why we're here, in case you forgot.
- Enough, please!
Just stop screaming, I can't
You are unbelievable!
Don't you realize you're in
the presence of a musical genius?
Ahh!
Oh my Lord in heaven.
You're incapable of
keeping control of your dog.
It's shameful to humans everywhere.
And now you're crying too. Stupid.
Hey, look after her.
What a mess!
Sorry, Babs,
but I have to take the dog out.
Oy.
Have you gone
completely mental around here?
I'm leaving! Hey, Gustl,
take me to the village immediately.
Our Gustl won't drive anyone tonight.
No one gets an early departure.
What's going on?
They will take him away.
This was our last chance,
and we blew it completely.
Now, now, all is good, come on over here.
We did everything wrong.
Come on, Ziggy, you're jealous because
Gaga and I made it happen today.
Ow! Ach!
It serves you right.
Okay, okay, let's calm down.
What do you mean, they'll take him
away from you? Who are "they"?
The damn veterinarian. I mean,
If I can't prove
I have control over Torsten's behavior,
they won't let him stay with me.
Just tell them you do.
They check up on it.
Torsten needs to pass a temperament test.
And me, the dog handler's test.
He's considered a danger to the public.
That does seem to be a problem.
It's time for you to talk differently
to your friend Torsten, okay, Babs?
You be the boss.
Make the boundaries clear to him.
Yeah, but what if
he refuses to like me anymore?
Look, Simon, this can't continue.
These hooligans are rioting,
smashing up my furniture,
and destroying everything.
Please send them home.
I can't do that to their dogs.
They haven't done anything wrong.
The people are the problem.
Yeah, that much is clear.
But some of them are way beyond help.
Especially overnight.
Look, you only have tomorrow left.
I know.
That's why I must come up with something.
Something that inspires them
and wakes them up.
Mm.
What is that?
It's a mood stabilizer.
I'd love one of those today. Every day.
- Mm?
- Mm.
No, thanks.
You know, I was, um,
in a clinic for a while,
because of mental problems, as they say.
I'm still dealing with that.
And those doctors have provided me
with tools to help cope and improve life.
One of those was to get a dog. When you
cuddle dogs, it does something in you.
It releases hormones.
It's good for the body and the mind,
and many things.
Torsten is not only a great dog,
but he's the most important person to me.
Dog.
Torsten is a dog.
Yeah.
But for me, he's better than any person.
So you're saying he's your most important
social partner?
That's it!
You got that right.
You're like a child.
Gaga and I need alone time.
You are not invited!
- Stop being a drama queen!
- Hey!
- Oh, um
- What did you say to me?
- Sorry, uh, were we too loud?
- What's all this?
Well, uh My husband, he
- locked me out. I can't get in.
- Yeah, and?
Yeah, well, um, it's kind of stupid.
I don't really have another place to go.
Yeah.
Well, come in, I have a couch.
Yeah, well, uh Mm
That's a very nice offer.
But I I can't accept. It's very kind,
but it wouldn't Thank you, but no.
- You scared of me?
- Scared? Me?
No. Why? What
That's strange.
Most are afraid of me.
Even the hardened ones.
Drugs, robbery, human trafficking.
Hey, hey, come on.
Kidding! I'm a police officer.
A police officer?
Yeah.
Ah I guess you are.
That's, um That's so weird.
Crazy, I never would have guessed.
Yeah.
I thought
That makes Roxy a police dog, right?
She's retired, so
What? She looks way too young.
Really.
- We should bandage that up. Come on.
- Yes, we should.
A police officer and his dog
should serve and protect.
I really didn't expect this at all.
I can't wait to see
what Legolas has planned for us today.
That's not his name.
Oh, by the way, are you feeling anything
from his magic potion yet?
A bit, don't you think?
Babs, Babs, you're mental.
Looks like you're in a good mood.
What, did someone die?
Hmm
That's fair. I deserve that remark.
So, did you sleep well?
Troubles in paradise?
Yeah, we're having a fight. That's it.
You fought? No way.
So, ungrateful guests,
Gustl awaits you in his wagon.
And behave yourselves this time, okay?
Where are we off to this time?
Nodon's hut?
Wait and see. What do I know?
Come.
That breakfast will come up
with just one more shake.
I'm glad I didn't eat.
Ya! Ya!
They're coming, Heidi.
It's our last chance.
He wears less clothing every day.
- If it lasted any longer, he'd be naked.
- Yeah.
- I don't mind staying an extra day.
- Oh, Ziggy.
Welcome!
You have arrived
at a very sacred place, dear dagdas.
This is the tent of truth.
Many rituals and ceremonies
have taken place here.
The effects of them can still be felt.
Babs.
You're first.
May you feel power in this place.
Let the Tree of Life
and its wisdom
be with you.
Please go in.
Kumaber nichte enteitesoo.
Teiseles shonata oine sinapaa.
Faumaderkuu iteakaa.
I really hope
his insurance covers ceremonies.
Your dogs are the mirror of your soul.
They feel all that worries you,
that upsets you,
bothers you,
and reflect it back.
The most important step
is to recognize this,
and work on making big changes.
You all have a chance.
For you. But above all,
for your dogs.
Babs.
Tell me what happened last night.
How did you react when you witnessed
Ziggy and Helmut fighting?
It's very difficult for me when
people are fighting around me.
And Torsten?
He was nervous.
Do you see what's happening?
This is my fault.
It's my fault.
I messed everything up.
If you embrace
your strength and tranquility,
you'll see Torsten relax.
Babs, what's bothering you?
What causes you angst?
I have this fear
of saying the wrong thing,
and that people will stop
associating with me.
See, most people don't like me.
And I'm not sure why.
But it's different with Torsten.
He's always sweet and kind to me.
He seems to like me for me.
He doesn't mind if I'm taking medication,
and he never judges me.
The only one in my life
who has never judged me.
Babs, we're not judging you.
You're doing great.
Finding medicine that helps
is a great step.
Right?
- Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, it's not a big deal.
My doctor prescribed me antidepressants.
Really?
- Babs, you have a goal.
- Yeah.
Torsten needs to obey your commands
all the time. That's why you're here.
Show him your ability to lead
with clear, short commands.
He'll be grateful.
That's what he needs.
Ah, well, it seems to me
that if it's that easy
why doesn't Brenda
follow a single command?
I mean,
leadership skills is what I'm known for.
- Is that because of your work?
- Yeah.
No.
So, what's going on, then,
between Brenda and me?
So Brenda must know
where she stands with you.
You both are a team.
Isn't that right?
Yeah, but don't forget,
Brenda isn't even her dog.
- Brenda's just a loaner.
- That's true.
And not only that,
she told us that she's not a dog person.
Oh, but you're big fan of dogs now?
Yeah, but that's only because
I was able to bond with Gaga yesterday.
Probably because you didn't intervene,
for once.
Is that true, Ziggy?
Are you subconsciously sabotaging
Helmut and Gaga because you're jealous?
- Me?
- Yeah.
I'm the saboteur?
Ugh, it's the other way around.
Yeah. Ask him about how he reprimands me
anytime I buy Gaga something nice to wear.
Doggie couture doesn't pay for itself.
This is why I'm starting
my candle business.
Right, Caribbean.
You see that? See how he makes fun of me?
Oh please I'm on your side. I'm thrilled
you're starting your own company.
Oh, right.
Sabine told me exactly how you operate.
- Oh, Sabine?
- Yeah.
Yeah. You frequently complain
when I spend your money,
but secretly,
you want me dependent on you, Helmut,
so you can control everything!
Oh please, not this again.
Are we talking about the same Sabine
who says I'm on the spectrum?
Did you discover this "therapist"
on the ad board at the supermarket?
Why don't you two just break up?
Uh, pardon?
Maybe Hakan's right.
You've been fighting since you got here.
And your poor dog
is the victim of your egos.
Yeah, so I thought that
we had come here for dog training.
Yeah! Exactly.
Instead he's just
breaking up our relationship.
- Oh, sorry, but--
- I'm done listening to this nonsense.
Amateur psychology.
Come, Ziggy, we're going. Come.
Coming, my love.
Well, then, um, I'm leaving too.
Come.
Help him.
Torsten, sit.
It worked.
Hakan, why are you mad at Roxy?
Did she bite someone?
She's not a biter.
She wears a muzzle
even though she's not bitten anyone?
Is this a form of punishment?
It's her fault my brother is dead.
Um, I, um I need a break.
Come, Torsten.
What happened?
What did Roxy do?
It's a total disgrace what this crackpot
Celt is doing with all of us.
It's nuts.
What kind of madman talks like that?
I was suspicious of the whole Celtic
hocus-pocus from the beginning.
I'm ready to leave. You?
- Yeah, me too.
- Good.
Come, Ziggy.
Gustl can return for the others later.
You are absolutely right, my dear.
How about you? Coming with us?
Uh, I'm gonna stick around
for a little while.
I want to practice some more with Torsten.
Do what you want.
That was very brave of you back there.
Great. It's empty now.
So, where do you think
they hid our phones? Any idea?
I couldn't really search yesterday
because I ran into the owner.
"Will the Reisinger Inn shut down?"
"Innkeeper Simon Reisinger looks back on
the worst season in their long history."
"'A miracle is what we need,'
said the young innkeeper,
'I don't believe we can survive.'"
My God, he's so handsome!
Is he?
I only saw him covered in shaving cream.
Wait a minute,
if you ask me, that's actually
- Nodon.
- Nodon.
Come here, my friends.
What a cunning b*stard!
He's putting on the mystical Celtic show
to rip us off.
I don't know just maybe he's attempting
to save the inn. You think?
So what? It's still called fraud.
What do we do now?
Find our phones. Hm.
Ugh, so many dead buffalo.
Look here!
RELIABLE QUALITY, EVERY SITUATION
- Oh
- Celtic toilet paper.
Oh, Ziggy.
Ugh.
Found 'em!
Oh, thank God.
Oh
Oh
So, where exactly did you find
this highly-regarded Celtic dog trainer?
The guy is a fraud.
- Listen.
- No, you listen.
I haven't made any progress
with this damn dog.
I want you to postpone my TV appearance.
Ursula, please.
You can't say "please".
You're the one who messed up here.
And just the stress of all this hippie
nature BS is driving me insane!
- You done?
- Yeah.
I'm done with this.
What were you thinking?
Listen, Ursula. And don't
get mad at me, I'm only the messenger,
but many people internally
doubt your suitability.
And so,
after your epic dog fail on TV,
they'd prefer a more reliable candidate.
Someone who comes off as dependable,
with people and animals.
Martin Weidenhuber.
Ursula? I'm sorry, I really am.
Hello? Ursula? You still there?
This Nodon guy, I mean,
- Simon
- Simon, yeah.
He said a lot of meaningless crap.
What gives him the right to judge us?
He doesn't know us at all.
Yup.
Uh Ziggy?
Hm?
I
I've been more and more afraid
that you'll leave me.
- What makes you think that?
- Well
You talk about building
that business on your own.
That doesn't mean I want to leave you.
- Hm.
- But I
I want to be able to have
some of my own success.
I don't always want to feel so
small and insignificant when I'm with
the smart and successful professor.
Yeah, but Ziggy,
you're not small or insignificant.
You have amazing qualities
I dream of having.
You're incredibly open
with people everywhere.
You live in the moment
with passion and joy.
Hm.
I hope you know how much you mean to me.
Maybe I have to show that
more clearly and more often.
Yes, please.
It's funny.
I was beginning to think that Gaga was
the only one that really loved me.
Oh no.
No, come on.
Mm.
Where's Nodon?
He went to his hut with Heidi.
Oh yeah, to his hut now, hmm?
He's probably frolicking
naked in the grass,
like all the old Celts used to do.
Um, what?
Nodon is a fraud.
He's not Celtic.
He's just a normal Tyrolean.
His name's Simon,
and he manages this place.
Why do you think that?
We exposed him.
Mm-hmm. Can you prove it?
Yeah.
Come with us.
No.
No!
Nodon is not a fraud. That's unbelievable.
You don't have to believe us.
Just come in and find out for yourself.
You know what?
You're making up lies about him.
It's 'cause you're too stubborn to believe
what he said in that truth tent, isn't it?
That has almost nothing to do with it.
Come inside and see for yourself.
No.
Once again, we see the structures
inherent in our patriarchal society.
If I was a man, no one
would have been upset by my comment.
However, women aren't allowed
to speak like that. Ever.
Because we must be kind,
warm, nice, motherly, and empathetic.
Look, it's a Celtic tail.
We'll expose this guy.
Um we can't be
We have to refrain-refrain from
We can't be physically violent.
Is that what you think of me?
I am not violent, I'm a policeman.
No!
Yes.
So you'll have to arrest him?
I wh I'll make him come clean.
Ah. Okay.
And I'll give him a negative review.
"With disdainful regards"
No.
"With much contempt."
No.
"With sincere contempt,
Ursula Brandmeier."
No turning back.
Come on
Babs?
Babs?
You seen Babs?
No.
Too bad
Wait. Uh
- She just went up the mountain.
- Why would she do that?
Probably to find her man Nodon
and live happily
for the rest of their little hippie lives.
- Hm.
- Oh God.
A storm is coming.
We better go look for her.
We? I mean, isn't that dangerous?
Hm.
I'm all about safety.
You can stay here if you want.
I won't pressure any of you.
I'm coming.
Yeah. I can do something nice
for others now and then.
Don't worry, Torsten.
We will clear Nodon's name.
The others have no idea
what they are talking about.
Nodon was always good to us.
Oh God.
He lied. They were right.
Hey, it's okay.
You can go back if you want.
Roxy and I will keep going.
Torsten, calm down.
Torsten, stop it!
We don't need Nodon anymore.
We can make it on our own.
Babs!
- Ziggy!
- You're okay!
I'm so happy we found you!
We were so worried about you. Going up in
weather this bad is completely reckless!
I'm sorry.
And you guys were right,
Nodon is a total fraud.
His hut is completely abandoned.
You went up there?
Torsten, that's enough. Now sit.
Sit.
So let's go now.
Before we get struck by lightning
or the path is flooded or
Urschi!
Urschi!
Urschi!
Urschi!
Urschi!
Oh no, no, no. sh*t!
So what do we do now?
- We have to save her!
- I don't have phone service!
Hakan. I bet Roxy can find her.
Roxy, search! Search!
Go, go, go!
Wait, what?
They went up the mountain in a storm?
Why would they do that? Are they crazy?
Because your cover's been blown.
They snooped in your room
and found all of your Celtic crap.
They have no experience up there.
Come, Heidi.
What are you doing?
I'm going after them.
Don't you die too!
Roxy has a scent!
Urschi!
Urschi!
- Urschi!
- Urschi!
Urschi!
Urschi!
- You hear that?
- Yeah.
That's Brenda.
- Urschi!
- Urschi!
Urschi.
Oh my God.
Oh!
- Urschi.
- Oh no, Urschi.
Are you okay?
- Hey, you okay?
- Oh!
I think so.
- Ah!
- Hello!
You wonderful sweet girl.
I'm sorry I dragged you into this mess.
- Urschi, you look a little--
- Different.
Uh
I remember how I know you now!
This is Ursula Brandmeier,
the candidate for European parliament.
Oh my God, yeah!
She had that super awkward appearance
on that talk show.
She's the dog hater.
That's why she's so nasty to Brenda.
Well, she may not like dogs,
but at least she's doing all this
for her disabled friend.
I I don't have a disabled friend.
Everything I told you was a lie.
And Brenda is only with me because
my advisor thought
it'd be good for my image
if I had a shelter dog.
What the heck is wrong with you?
Why lie to us all?
Babs, I'll explain it to you another time.
Can you stand up?
Ow! That hurts bad, it's my ankle.
I can't move.
Leave me here and send help,
and if you don't hate me too much,
please take Brenda back with you.
Nodon.
- Is she the only one who's hurt?
- Yeah.
When we get back,
we'll talk about everything.
Okay.
Ow!
It's not broken. That's good.
Ursula Brandmeier.
I'm not completely sure of that,
Simon Reisinger.
So how did you find her?
Stupid idiots, all of you.
If you really want to go off yourselves,
be my guest.
But it's another thing
to put your rescuers in danger.
Um I am really sorry.
Yeah.
We can put that on your tombstone, okay?
- Let it go.
- Well, it's true.
Thank you.
- Well, it's not broken.
- Thank you.
But it's badly sprained.
- Oh.
- Hm.
Yeah.
I know you all are mad at me
Ziggy showed us a video
of your talk show appearance.
So you'd rather k*ll yourself
than be like someone like me?
Mm-mm.
You know, I am very sorry, Babs.
I didn't know you then.
You prefer to pluck your eyes out then?
Yeah.
But what I really can't figure out
is that Simon also lied to you all,
but you aren't canceling him.
What was the whole
Lord of the Rings thing about?
It was to save the farm.
It was the best chance.
Yeah, showing off your six-pack,
and putting on a fake accent?
Oh, please.
You love it,
you love all of that mumbo jumbo.
If he didn't go Celtic,
nobody would have even come.
It's not all mumbo jumbo.
I believe, just like the Celts,
in an extremely deep bond
between dogs and people.
Dogs have powers that can heal
the humans around them.
But not all of them.
Some of you humans are beyond help.
Hm.
Hakan, you can be very proud of Roxy.
Don't you think it's time to forgive her?
Uh, um To forgive what?
Hakan?
My wife and I adopted Roxy
last year from my little brother.
Emre.
Emre always wanted to have
a big, strong dog.
One that would be a companion,
as he worked as a security guard.
So I gave him Roxy.
One time, there was a break-in
in the department store
where Emre was working.
He attempted to catch the robbers.
He assumed he could do it
with a big companion by his side.
But Roxy wasn't any help.
In fact, she ran off
and hid in the corner, while Emre
They knocked him down.
He suffered a severe head injury.
Mm.
He passed away.
At the hospital, he regained
consciousness for a moment,
and I had to promise him
that I would take care of Roxy.
How do I keep my word?
It breaks my heart
every time I see this coward of a dog.
Mm Hakan,
none of this is your fault.
Yeah.
And Emre also loved Roxy very deeply.
Roxy's grieving Emre just as much.
You both actually have so much in common.
Whoa.
It's not your fault.
TWO MONTHS LATER
Okay, stay. Very good, Torsten. Focus.
That's very good. Good.
- He seems to be doing well so far.
- Indeed.
- Oh no, the ball.
- Uh-oh.
Don't go for the ball.
Super good.
- Look, he's not interested.
- I know.
- Aww, Torsten.
- Very good.
Okay, Miss Schubert, that's the test.
- I'll have your result for you shortly.
- Oh God.
- Come, Torsten.
- And?
She's calculating.
- It'll take a few minutes.
- Oh, you were great.
- Yeah.
- I think I made some mistakes.
But it's not easy
with so many distractions.
And besides, Torsten was probably nervous.
Let's wait for the results to come in, hm?
By the way, Ziggy, before I forget.
- Oh Here.
- Oh.
How sweet.
Oh, look! Oh no.
Thanks, Haki.
Hey. Am I late?
- Hey.
- Mwah.
Well?
Hello.
- Hello.
- Well?
Have you passed the test?
She's still evaluating.
Then we get the results.
- Where's Brenda?
- She's back at the shelter.
- No.
- What?
Just kidding, you dagdas.
That's not funny.
Now that I'm my own boss again,
Brenda goes everywhere with me.
Well, my girl?
I mean, you all know
how skeptical I was at first,
but Simon really knows his stuff.
Nodon.
We agreed to call him "Nodon"
to maintain his magic.
Nodon must keep helping more dogs.
Absolutely.
Here she comes with your results.
Miss Schubert, you and Torsten
have passed, with flying colors.
Ain't no mountain high enough
Ain't no valley low enough
Ain't no river wide enough
To keep me from getting to you, babe
Remember the day I set you free
I told you
You could always count on me, girl
From that day on
Ahh!
Yeah, this is good, Emmi, is good.
It's very nice here.
She's just like me.
She always has something to say
and prefers a group.
But Nodon is perfect
for the two of us, right, Emmi?
And when I'm able to learn how to relax,
you'll relax too, right, girl?
Oh, and what better place
to relax than here?
Oh my God.
Ooh, yeah
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
Tonight
I wanna give it all to you
In the darkness
There's so much I wanna do
And tonight
I wanna lay it at your feet
'Cause, girl, I was made for you
And, girl, you were made for me
I was made for lovin' you, baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you, baby
Can you get enough of me?
Tonight
I wanna see it in your eyes
Feel the magic
There's something that drives me wild
And tonight
We're gonna make it all come true
'Cause, girl, you were made for me
And, girl, I was made for you
I was made for lovin' you, baby
You were made for lovin' me
And I can't get enough of you, baby
Can you get enough of me?
Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?
Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register
Eat Pray Bark (2026)
Moderators: Maskath3, sidolanters, GabrielAlejo2341