01x03 - Memoir Meltdown

[bunniefuu]

suspenseful music playing]

[knocking on door]

- [Miriam] Can I talk to you?

- Yeah, come in. How you doing?

- Good. Good to see you, Pops

- Good to see you

- Your hair's so long!

- Yeah, it's getting long

- Yeah, yeah

- Yeah

Um, actually I wanted to talk to you

about something

Sure, sure

Um, so, mm I've been wanting

to tell you this for a while,

but it was just hard for me,

I guess, to, like, bring it up,

but pretty much, I want to change

my last name to Haart

[suspenseful music playing]

Look, I-I see you're using

the Haart username in social media

- Mm-hmm

- It's like an entertainment name

You know, people in Hollywood,

they have, like, a persona

Yeah, it's not a persona

I want this name to be my legal name

I don't want to be associated with places

that I wasn't allowed to sing freely

- You sing here, with me

- Right, but only us two can sing together

But if another man came to this room,

it wasn't appropriate

That is that's painful to me

I guess, like, Haart, to me,

does, like, represent more of my life now

It is sad that the last name

makes you think of those memories

You know, names have a lot of meaning

There's always something

central of who you are,

that we identify with as a family

You know, your

your-your name is Miriam Hendler

I don't want

to be associated with that anymore

Everyone has free will,

so, you know, for you to choose a name

that, you know, gives you a better feeling

of where you are today,

I-I'll respect that

That's fine, that's fine. I love you

You're my daughter

- Mm-hmm. Thanks, Abba

- I'll always be there for you

- Okay

- That's it. [laughing]

- I'm very lucky to have you

- [uplifting music playing]

Aw. Thanks, Abba

I think my dad hit a point

where he knows where I'm at,

and so I'm so happy

that I got this off my chest,

and he knows that this is a path

I'm going down,

and that this path isn't going to change

- Hey

- Hey, how'd it go?

I think it went okay

- [Julia] Yeah?

- Yeah

Looks like your conversation

went a lot better than ours

Why, what's this face?

What is this face happening?

Don't be nice

because I'm gonna start to cry

- No, I don't want you to cry

- I love you

I love you too. Is everything okay?

Do you know that he went backwards again?

He's not talking to girls

He broke up with his girlfriend

Not watching television

We're right back where we started

We're not back where we started

It's just gonna be a phase

I f*cking hope so

I'm blaming myself

for Aron becoming more fundamentalist

because it all happened in camp

that I paid for,

which annoys the whatever out of me

I mean, how dumb is that?

Ugh!

- He's gonna pray

- [Miriam] Right now?

[Julia] Yup

I just gotta believe ♪

I just gotta believe ♪

Throw it in the fire

Yeah this ♪

Is all that I need ♪

Just gotta believe ♪

[Batsheva] Oh my God, no way! [laughing]

- Wow

- That was ten

- On two

- One

- Okay

- Come get

Come get me, come get me! I'm gonna drop

[laughing]

I finally feel like I'm in a place

mentally and socially,

and just experiences-wise

and and work-wise,

like, I'm really happy

with where things are right now

[humorous music playing]

That's such a cute baby

I think babies are cute,

they just don't give me baby fever

[Ben] Such a cute baby

I feel like if I would get pregnant now,

like, I would I would regret it

I don't want to have a baby right now

What's the rush?

It's not a rush. It's been eight years

Ben would've had a baby,

if it was up to him,

when we were probably, like, 22

I feel that I did

the "married thing" young, at 19,

and I never had

any single years as an adult,

so I feel like I need a little extra time

than maybe some people

On top of being nervous

about you changing your mind,

I'm also nervous

about us possibly not being able to

Like, "Oh yeah, I'm young,

I'll get pregnant right away."

And for a lot of people,

it doesn't happen right away

I'm not going to pressure her

And if she still wants to wait,

at the end of the day,

she's going to be the one that has to

"have the baby," so it's her decision

I would just feel more comfortable

and secure in waiting

if we did something like a fertility test

or something

That's fine

If that'll make you feel better

- Like, I'm

- I would be at least a little comfortable

But if I'm get tested,

you're getting tested

- I don't have a problem with that

- Okay

That would be fine

I think that's healthy for both of us

Okay. I feel like that's fair

For now. Until you tell me it's 35

- It's not 35

- [kisses]

[upbeat music playing]

[Julia] Tomorrow, I need a meeting

with Mark. Probably 30 minutes

- [woman on phone] Okay

- The last thing is

I want a few minutes

with Anthony and Robert

- Thanks, my dear. Talk later. Mwah, bye

- Bye

- [Miriam] Hey, Mama. How are you doing?

- How's your internship?

- I have a question

- Which reminds me

There should be something in the app

where you can send questions

- A support page

- Like a support page

- Oh, yeah. 100%

- 'Cause right now there is nothing

Okay. Yeah, no, every app that I've made

has an "about" or "support"

or "feedback" button at least

Right now I'm interning at Elite

I really enjoy it

They're giving me projects

I'm super passionate about

And currently what I'm doing is working

on the Elite Model Look app

The app kinda sucks right now,

and so I'm giving it a giant facelift,

breaking it down and rebuilding it up

Once I have more of a rough draft,

I'll show it to you

You can approve or disapprove of whatever,

and I can iterate based on that

And again, the concept is good

The colors are good

because those are our colors

But it's just not user-friendly

The experience needs

to be re-vamped, yeah

[Robert] Libby is here

- [Julia] Oh, my God

- Wait. Who's Libby?

[Judy] My editor

who's publishing my memoir

- [Miriam] My goodness

- I know

- That's so cool, Mama

- [Robert] So exciting!

Aah! I'm so nervous

I wrote my story

This is my unedited,

completely, totally untouched,

stream-of-consciousness

cathartic brain dump of a manuscript

My entire story

up to the time I walked into La Perla

and beginning before I was born

- Cradle it, cradle it. Show it love

- Cradle it?

- What a weirdo

- [chuckles]

- Is this good?

- It's perfect

- Should I breastfeed it?

- Please don't do that

- Hey!

- Hello! How are you?

Oh my gosh, I'm so happy

to finally meet you in person

- Hello

- This is my daughter Miriam

[both] Nice to meet you

I thought it'd be interesting for her

to come and sit in

- Totally. That's awesome

- See the process

How are you feeling about it?

- Uh I'm almost done

- She's been writing like a fiend

Awesome. That's what

an editor loves to hear

I want young female readers

specifically to come to it

and see sort of what you went through

and to be empowered by that story

Because it isn't about Judaism,

it's really about fundamentalism,

it can apply to any kind

of fundamentalist upbringing

It can apply to any religion,

any philosophy,

any lifestyle where women are less than

- [gentle piano music playing]

- My hope is that it's an inspiring story

that will help other women,

whatever their situation is,

that they should realize that it's not

too late or that they're never too old,

or that whatever it is can be overcome,

because honestly if I can do it,

anyone can

And so I felt that it was important

to tell my story

You know, my experience,

even though it's a very extreme one,

there's so many women

who have a very similar experience

Maybe not to that extent,

but in their own lives,

they've got people holding them back,

telling them

what they're not allowed to do

So I do think

that it's important to tell the truth

But how do we balance that out

with not hurting people?

- You have to just put it out there

- [Julia] Right

- I was ridiculously honest

- I'm so happy. And you were

- "Yes, you were." I was

- You were!

Leaving the community was freedom

in every direction, sexual freedom

I think to ignore that sexual part

would be a mistake

But yeah, am I gonna be uncomfortable

that Joe Schmoe is gonna know

that, you know,

I scored in bed or something?

[laughing]

[Libby] I wasn't going to bring it up,

but since you did

- [Robert groans]

- My sexuality is a problem for you?

Doesn't my sexuality make you nauseous?

I was hoping it was reciprocal

Not at all. I'm so excited

- I want you to have relationships

- Just enthused by it

I'm enthused by thinking

about you being happy

[Robert] I hope you're happy

I don't necessarily need to think

about the intricacies of that happiness

- [Julia] Mm-hmm

- [Robert] Mm-hmm. [laughing]

[Libby laughing]

I already knew that

I don't know how that came in

Don't tell me that!

- [Robert] Help us, Lord

- Oh, my God

[Libby] I think that's great

'cause I think a big part of this

is an empowering document

in so many ways,

and this is a feminist story

In order to tell my story,

I have to say certain negative things

about my family, my upbringing

We need to really be careful

that I don't harm anyone in the process

So I think sooner rather than later,

it's really important

to let the people who are in the book,

let them know that this is coming

[Julia] The one I'll have the most

difficulty with could be Batsheva

When I left my community, it was

tremendously difficult for Batsheva

because I was the embodiment

frum tznius Rebbetzin

in my community

And all of a sudden, I was going against

every single thing I had taught her

So, you know, she was very cold because

she didn't understand what was going on,

and she was angry at me, justifiably so

I think, yeah,

what you're doing is so important

and sharing your story really matters

And so I think that nobody should stop you

from writing it as it is

It's

I am concerned that Batsheva

reliving, through my words,

that time period

when we were in such a bad place,

uh, it could bring back bad memories,

and I don't want it to damage

our relationship now

I think that's where it gets a bit tricky

I do have to tell my truth,

but I have to be sensitive to my children

- Libby, this has been great

- I'm so excited. [chuckles]

Can I get a picture

for Instagram before we go?

- [Libby] Sure. Let's do it

- Of the two of you?

Awesome

It's great

- Thank you so much

- All right. Follow me this way

- Now we just have to tell the kids

- Yeah

- How do you think it'll really go?

- I don't know, I haven't read the book

- And I think

- I think Ben will read it, and then Bat

Ben's very curious

Yeah, Ben will be curious

He's gonna want to read it

Bat, I'm worried! I'm worried that

she's gonna get super angry at me

- Maybe I should give it to you first

- Okay

And then you read it

and tell me how you think it'll go

when I give it to the other kids

But you can't tell the kids

I gave it to you first

- Mm

- And circle or, like, star paragraphs

that you think could be problematic

- With the kids or in general?

- With the kids

I'm really excited

to read your story. Seriously

All right. I've got my next meeting now

I'm excited to read it, Mama

It's gonna be amazing

- I love you

- Thanks, my love. I love you too

Stuck up in your mind

In the sunny boulevard, hey! ♪

Stuck up in your mind

In the sunny boulevard, hey! ♪

- Hey

- Hey

[guests all greeting]

- [Ben] Hello!

- [Batsheva] Hey!

[Ben] How are you? Hi

Looks really good

[indistinct conversations]

- [Aron] Good?

- Yeah. You look very handsome

Decided to pull out all the stops

with your hat today?

Ima decided

[all chuckle]

Hi

- Hey, love of my life

- Hello. [kisses]

- How are you?

- I told you it was a small party

- Yes. Okay

- [Julia laughing]

[Julia] Today we're celebrating

Robert's birthday

He doesn't know

that I've invited his friends,

a bunch of the people at work

that he's close to

He's going to be shocked

Fingers crossed

[Jennifer] He can wait a second

- [Katherine] Hello

- [Batsheva] Hey, Mir

Hey, how are you? It's good to see you

- This is Katherine. You guys met one time

- How's it going?

Yes, we did meet. You look really pretty

Katherine and I just started

going on dates together,

and so coming to Robert's party,

it was exciting for us to just

be together, especially even in public

But I'm kind of just

having fun with Katherine

We're not in anything serious

I'm not really looking

for anything serious

I kind of just wanted to invite her

as my plus-one

Who do you think is best dressed?

Who do I think is best dressed? Well

My little brother

Aron's hat is so cool. I love Aron's hat

- Hi

- [Miriam] It's so chic

Julia?

[indistinct conversations]

[Batsheva] Is Robert here?

[guests cheering and applauding]

Oh, my God, guys!

Robert!

Oh, my God, I thought this

was going to be a casual affair

It's a good thing

you didn't dress casually!

- Well, I mean, we never wear sweats!

- [Batsheva] No

- Oh, you never! Thank you so much

- This is a very small gathering

- [Robert] A very casual affair

- A few people

What about you, Aron?

You're about to go to a co-ed high school

- Yeah

- So exciting

Are you excited

to be amongst all the ladies?

Nope

You gonna be distracted

by all the the female bodies around you?

I find it weird to be learning with girls

[Julia] Aron is such a kind kid

He's just trying to do

what he was taught was right

So what I realized is I need to counteract

the influence he had at camp,

and the only way to counteract that

is to expose him to other influences

[Katherine]

You're making him uncomfortable

I am. Yeah, I'll stop

- You guys work at Elite?

- No, these are Robert's friends

College friends

At Manhattan School of Music

- Love it

- [Shlomo] You do a little opera?

I mean, I did opera too, but I'm a bass

I'm a very low voice

[Batsheva and Shlomo] Cool

- [Jennifer] I'm okay

- Thank you

[Jennifer] So tell me all about her

She was friends with Miriam met her,

like, through a Stanford friend

Okay

And I guess they're

they're going strong now

I 100% support Miriam if she really says

that she feels she's bisexual

and she wants to be with a woman

Um, I think Miriam's having fun

and hanging out

[Katherine] You have a little lipstick

[Batsheva] I'm just a little taken back

that she decides to do this

in front of all of her bosses

She's definitely different

from me in that regard

I don't want to know. Hm-mm. No, no, no

Ladies and gentlemen,

I invite you to go upstairs to the rooftop

for another Robert surprise

[all cheering]

[Batsheva] Mir, can I grab you

before you go out?

Sure

- What's up? Everything okay?

- [Batsheva] Yeah, you can just sit

- Okay

- How's it going? Love the outfit

- Thank you

- You look super cute

Thank you, so do you. [chuckling]

Watching you for for boobage

How's it going with Katherine?

We're just casually dating

Nothing serious at all

So, we're just having a good time

with each other

- That's nice

- Yeah

[Robert] Look at Mitzi! Aww!

[Julia laughs]

Mommy!

Robert, you need to sit here

- [Robert] Okay, let's go, Mom

- [Julia] You can bring Mommy

Come sit right over here

What do I do?

Open, baby, open!

[screams]

[laughing]

[guests cheering]

Oh, my God. One treatment of your choice

What will I have snatched?

[all laughing]

- [Miriam] What's up?

- As your big sister, I love you

- I care about you

- I know you do

And I just want you to be mindful

Okay

For instance, like when I saw you,

like, making out on the couch before

- Yeah

- I understand you're having a good time,

but, like, you just had this girl

like five seconds ago

from Ima's fashion show,

- and now you have this other girl

- Right

Ima's, like, big executive people

from Elite are here, right?

You don't want them getting

that, like, vibe from you. Like, I feel

If anything, I think

it's, like, fine to be bisexual

Not the bisexual thing,

nothing to do with kissing a girl

I wouldn't sit there on the couch

making out with Ben

But you're just very not PDA,

and I just don't care as much

Like, whatever

I don't think I should

stop doing what I want

based on what society thinks is too much

I'm trying to be myself,

and that's what's most important

That, to me, is what I fought

with my mom to do

[Batsheva] When I turned over,

it seemed like it was a serious

- You're on the couch, leaning back

- No, we weren't leaning back

- It was just a kiss

- It seemed like it from here

So, just again, just not appropriate

for the for the moment

Or, slash, in front of your bosses

Okay

I have one more little surprise for you

Because I did not want you

to sing for your supper,

I brought someone else

to perform in your place

- [singing opera]

- [guests gasping]

- [Robert yelling excitedly]

- [guests cheering]

[all cheering]

I'm so surprised by everything

that's happening at this party

It's not at all what I expected

The event is heartfelt

I felt really loved and so happy

to be there and just, you know

Every moment I feel like I'm part

of your family, part of your life,

- it makes me feel warm and happy

- I love you, Robert

So, I'm feeling good!

- [Shequida] I hear you're an opera singer

- A little

Come here. Come, touch me

There's children in the room

Sorry, young man, how are you?

[singing opera]

[Shequida] Here comes the high note

[both singing high note]

Shabbos

- [Ben] Okay

- So

- Should we go?

- Yeah, we're just gonna go

- [Shlomo] Good Shabbos

- Good Shabbos. [kissing]

- Love you. [kisses]

- I love you, too, Mom

- [Ben] Did you talk to Miriam?

- [Batsheva] Yeah

- How did it go?

- It didn't go as well

It didn't go as well?

No, she got a little heated

[upbeat song playing]

You here, Mir?

- [Miriam] 'Sup?

- Hey

Hey

Are you alone?

I'm alone

I have something that your mom said

you can only see first

Oh, my goodness. That! Oh, my God

Manuscript, baby. You want to read

through a little bit of it?

Um f*ck, yeah. Seriously

One of the most important things for me

is having my mom's trust

And so she wants me not to tell

my siblings that I'm reading the book,

and I'm okay with that,

because at the end of day,

what's most important to me

is to keep my mom's trust and loyalty

I'm just going to start from the beginning

'cause I literally never learned

about Ima's, like, history or past,

she never talked too much about it

[Robert laughing]

I'm literally going to poke my eyes out

and, like, feed them to birds

Let me read you

this very important section

- Okay, okay

- Okay?

"After our wedding,

it was finally time to have sex!"

[laughing]

- Praise the Lord!

- Praise the Lord!

We're talking about your dad

- Oh, God

- "I got naked."

"I'd never seen a p*nis before."

"I wanted to know how it would feel

- [Miriam groaning]

- what it would be like to touch it,

- to hold it in my hand."

- Oh, my God!

- Oh, God

- Don't say my dad's name

"I was fascinated by how"

Please just say any other person's name

"John grew large and hard

when he saw my naked body."

Why are you reading this?

I'm sure your mom's

20-year-old naked body

- was snatched for the gods

- What?

Whoo, Lord

[exhales]

Hot. Very hot

"He tried entering me

but he wasn't hard enough

- Oy

- and so my hymen didn't break,

and all I felt as he moved back and forth

inside of me was discomfort."

- Oh God

- I'm I'm feeling discomfort

- It gets worse. You want to hear it?

- Oh God

I wonder how much of this book

is going to be that?

Okay, let's keep going

- Ooh, I just found my name!

- You did?

Yeah, should I read it?

- Yeah, read it

- Okay

"My daughter Miriam was a born rebel

She wanted to forge her own path."

"She always questioned everything

Literally everything."

"She was always in trouble for asking

questions that were inappropriate."

Wait. Do you remember doing that

and being there?

Yeah. No, I totally like always said,

"Why do women have to wear skirts?"

Like, also, "Why can't women sing?"

And "Why can't women do this?"

- Yeah. I always just asked why

- Mm

- Keep going

- Okay

"And so, out of the mouth

of my very brave little daughter

came pouring out all the questions

I'd been asking myself my entire life."

"Why should my life be so small?"

"Why should women be ashamed

and cover their bodies and skin?"

Did you read it this way?

Like, she's saying you're the impetus

for her shift in mindset

She was kind of the same way

as me when she was younger,

and she didn't want me

to repeat the same life she did

And so that was one of the reasons

why she was able to get out

I guess it was a team effort, you know?

Without her, I wouldn't be here,

and I guess without me,

she wouldn't be here either

I wonder what, like, Ima wrote

about the other siblings too, you know?

- Yeah, I wonder

- How they impacted things

I think it'll be

really interesting to see

- It's a little scary

- how everybody reacts

I hope that it makes, if anything,

Bat feel better about what happened,

you know? and not worse

- Miriam?

- Yeah?

Is that Shlomo?

- Hey

- [Miriam] Hey, what's up?

- Take my seat. I'm just headed out

- [Shlomo] Oh

Good to see you, babe. Peace

- I'll talk to you later

- [Robert] Yeah. See you soon

Peace out, Butter Scout

How was your day?

- Today was good. A little work

- Nice, nice. What kind of work?

- LSAT?

- LSA

Yeah. [laughing]

- Yeah

- How's it going?

Good. What you up to now?

Might get drinks with some friends later

You want to join?

- Yeah

- Yeah?

Sounds good

So, uh, did you see Ima's post?

- No

- No?

- No

- Oh, um

What was her post?

Ima posted a picture

with her publisher about her book

[suspenseful music playing]

- Interesting

- So now it's getting real

Yeah, totally

What do you think about it?

Um, I mean, like, I think Ima should

totally share her story, you know?

It's hard for me to hide from Shlomo

the fact that I have the book

And I don't want to lie,

but I also don't want

to break my trust with my mom,

and I want to keep her secrets

How do you feel about it?

- From, like, I guess, 2012 and on

- Mm-hmm

all for it

But, like,

things that are more family-oriented,

I mean, I don't know if I really want

that, like, being out there

What about the other siblings?

I'm sure it's gonna be

uncomfortable for Batsheva,

by reading the parts, uh, that happened,

like the time period

she wasn't talking with Ima

Mm

- To see what Ima's feelings were

- I don't know, yeah

- Might be a little hard

- I guess we'll find out

- I guess we'll find out

- Yeah

[upbeat music playing]

- Are you [laughing]

- "Home test for men."

- Okay, let me see what this is

- [laughing]

So, this one is,

like, a prick of the finger

I think I should just remind you

that this was all your idea

Blood sample. All right, let's do this

Ready? Hold on

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Look at this

Let me get paper towels 'cause I feel like

this might get a little messy

[groans]

I hate pricks on the finger

'cause, I don't know, they're little,

they're tiny, and I'm nervous

[deep breath]

But if he'll feel more comfortable

with us waiting

if I take this fertility test,

then let's do it

[Ben] Here we go

[Batsheva] No. Just, put it on so I feel

that it's coming, and then

No, no, that's too on the side

- There

- Okay

[inhales sharply] Ow!

It really stings

Do not let this blood

drop of blood go to waste

I can't believe we have

to fill up this whole f*cking tube

Oh, my God

- [Ben] Might have to do it again

- No, we're not

No, Ben, that's not funny. Ow

God, this is so hard

[Batsheva] It's gonna drop again. See?

You missed that whole big droplet

- Don't understand why make it so tiny

- I'm gonna throw up, actually

I need a second

- Are you for real?

- Yes

- You're really lightheaded?

- This is a lot, Bat. It's a lot of blood

I know,

it's coming out of my f*cking finger

[Ben] This is disgusting

Ow

- [Ben] You're good. You're filled up

- Are you sure?

[Ben] Yeah, it's at the top

Oh, no!

- Oh my

- Are you f*cking kidding me right now?

- Sorry

- Can I have a kiss? For my boo-boo?

- [kisses]

- Okay

Okay. All right

Congratulations, you've been tested

- Now you're up

- I'm sorry?

I said you're up

This is my turn. You have to listen

to my rules. Okay?

I'm in charge

I don't want to do it

Like jerk off on camera

You can go into the bathroom

unless you wanted me to join you

- I'm okay, thank you

- See you go into the cup. [laughing]

It looks like

when I get, like, a side of ketchup

- [Batsheva] Oh, my God

- at a restaurant

Normally, you're not allowed to waste

anything, waste any of your sperm

So in the ultra-orthodox community,

yeah, you are not allowed to

They call "wasting your seed."

Like, you're not allowed to, you know,

masturbate, or have ejaculation

outside of your marital intercourse

For medical reasons and for,

you know, situations such as these,

it's it's acceptable

- As you wish

- This was your idea. Let's remember

- I'm kinda regretting that now

- sh**t. Do well in there

- [Ben exhales heavily]

- You got this

Ben!

- [Ben] What do you want?

- Should I send you a pic?

- No, I'm good. I'm okay. Thank you

- [laughing]

[Ben] This is ridiculous

[toilet flushing]

- [Batsheva] How'd it go in there?

- That was rough

- [laughing]

- I don't want to talk about it

- Where is it?

- In the bathroom

- I have to get it?

- This is your project

This all better be okay

because I'm never doing that again

- Never?

- Nope

Strong words. I mean, actually,

this part for me was really fun

[upbeat music playing]

- [Miriam] Should we do one more round?

- Yeah

two, three, four, five, six, seven

So, those are topic cards

Heyo

- [Miriam] Hey!

- [Shlomo] Hey

- How's it going?

- [Shlomo] Good, trying this new game

It's like Cards Against Humanity,

but the Jewish edition

- You definitely need a third person

- Yes

[Shlomo] My card's bad

Why is your card bad?

You have seven to choose from

- [Shlomo] I know, but

- Okay

"The reason I got kicked out

of Hebrew school

was ignoring your Rabbi's friend request,

pretending shrimp is kosher."

Look at me, I'm the best Jew!

I should have done mine

"Splitting her Red Sea."

Oh! [laughing]

- [cell phone vibrates]

- [phone keyboard clacking]

Who are you texting, Bat? Someone cute?

[Batsheva] Did you guys see the post

that Ima posted about her book coming out?

[playful music playing]

I mean, I know Ima's going to be writing

a lot about her sex situations

Most people don't want to read

about their parents' sex lives

Weird! I'm not reading the book, so

So I'm planning on reading the book,

'cause there was, like, a couple of years

where we didn't know what was happening

And so, you're not curious?

I felt abandoned over those years,

so, like, to hear all the things

that she was busy doing,

like, I don't think that

It wouldn't be healthy for me to read it

and to resurface those feelings

My mom feels that the reason

that I have an issue

with her leaving the community

is because she did teach me

to follow this religion,

and then one day she was just like,

"I don't believe any of this

You shouldn't believe it either,"

and that that's my only issue

But what she doesn't realize is,

on top of that,

I also felt really abandoned

when she left

We really lost our relationship

I just like It's just weird to me

It feels like this different person

I don't need to know that other person

I know the person she is today

I never felt it was necessary to bring up

my feelings of anger towards her,

and my biggest fear about this book

is I'm gonna be forced in a corner

where I have to discuss our relationship

when we weren't in a good place

and we just weren't talking

The way I feel is just different

You know, I kind of want to know

what it was like for her

in those times

when it seemed all cheerful

[Batsheva] You have

a different relationship

- Right

- Has she said something to you?

- [tense music playing]

- [Miriam] Um

Um, not about that particularly

- Well

- I mean, at the end of the day,

like, none of us actually know

what's going to be in it

My stomach literally just dropped,

because I really want to talk

to my siblings about this book,

but I can't

So, yeah, time will tell

- [Shlomo] Time will tell

- when it comes out

But yeah, I did want to talk

to you about, like, our conversation

that we had at Rob's party

Like, we left a little bit on,

like, not the best note,

but, like, the whole reason

that I brought it up at all to you

was that, like, I'm your big sister,

and I always want to protect you

- Totally, totally understand

- Okay

Always share your opinions with me

- Okay. Love you

- [Miriam] Love you too

[intriguing music playing]

Let me get a plate

A fork and knife for you

When you don't have pancakes

and you want some bread

[Julia laughing]

I love your creations

Have some cinnamon

Oh, my God

On the side so you can decide

how much you want

So I'm just cutting it and

- Dipping it

- Dipping it

- Mm! It's really good!

- Right?

- That's actually really good

- I got you, Mama

Um

- So, you know you gave me your memoir

- Did you read it?

Let's just say I definitely did not

sleep too much last night

Why?

Bat and Shlomo asked me if I read it,

and so I had to say no

- Oh, my God

- Yeah

I'm sorry

I didn't want Miriam to tell anyone

because I haven't edited a single word

I just wrote it as it came out of my mind,

and my plan was

to show it to my other kids

once I gentle down some things,

once I tone down some language

Of course I was going

to tell them, I just

You know, it's it's difficult

I feel really badly

asking Miriam to keep it a secret

because now I've put her in a position

where she is uncomfortable

I'm finally in such a good place

with Batsheva

- Right

- We've really repaired our relationship

I just don't want it

to, like, backtrack, you know?

- Um

- They'd want to hear about it from you

No, of course

Well, I'm gonna fix it

Hey, there's one thing you can say

is we have a very interesting life

Yeah

If I could ♪

I would take my time ♪

Nah-nah-nah-nah ♪

The family is going

to the Hamptons this weekend

It was supposed to be

this relaxing, chill by the pool,

warm sunshine, tennis kind of weekend,

and I am now,

officially, freaking the f*ck out

I've decided I have to now give Batsheva

and Shlomo the unedited manuscript

and to bite the b*llet

and hope for the best

[upbeat music playing]

- Thank you. And this part

- [Ben] You getting in the water?

[Miriam] Shlomo, how's swiping going?

- Um, it's still

- [Ben] Swiper, no swiping?

- I'm swiping

- [Batsheva] Are you?

People aren't swiping back

No

We told you,

we need to update your profile

Okay, so, uh, what are you waiting for?

All right. Strike a pose

Pull your shorts up

so you can't see your boxers

- Problematic

- [Miriam] Why are you wearing boxers?

Your legs like, Ben's legs are too open

They're gonna get annoyed about that

And don't slouch

[Ben] Yeah!

- But don't be like

- I don't like that either

- [Ben] No

- [Miriam] Get it!

No, this isn't a fashion photo sh**t

We're trying to make you look

cool and nice and relatable

- Approachable but

- No, don't do that

Yes, bro, get it!

Yaas!

Yeah. Hey, broski!

- [Batsheva] What's up?

- [Ben] Hey

[Julia] Hey, guys!

Look at everybody

Having a good time?

How was your helicopter ride?

[Julia] Easy as always

What happened to the sun?

We just get here and the sun goes away?

Well, if you drove up with us

- [mocking noises]

- If you came earlier, then maybe

[thunder rumbling]

- [Silvio] Storm is coming here, eh?

- [Julia] I hear that thunder

It'll be here in, like, five minutes

[thunder rumbling]

[Julia] It's really coming. Oh, my gosh

- It's about to pour

- [all] Let's go

- [Silvio chuckling]

- [Julia] I love you

[kisses] Thank you

for always being there for me

Remember it tonight

- Love you

- [Robert] Knock, knock!

[Julia and Silvio, in Italian accent]

Roberto!

Of course! Here is Roberto!

You look so chic, Mr. Hamptons!

Hey

[Julia] Super chic!

- One more kiss

- [Silvio] Yes

Yes, one more kiss

[kissing]

- Thank you. I love you so much

- Robert, it's all yours

Yes, thank you, Silvio

So, I'm going to need your help tonight

- Why, what's happening tonight?

- I'm gonna show the kids the manuscript

You want to do that

right before a relaxing weekend?

What are you trying to do to us?

It was perfectly sunshiny

I just start thinking about the fact

that I'm telling them,

and you don't understand,

there was a massive expl*si*n of water

coming from the sky

- And of course, I don't believe in omens

- I believe in omens

Literally like [expl*si*n sound]

like that

I keep on telling myself

that they are loving kids,

that they're gonna understand

my need for the book,

but my other part is thinking

Batsheva's never gonna speak to me again

- I'm going to serve a lot of alcohol

- Yeah, I was just going to say

There's going to be wine

I'm going to do it by dessert,

so hopefully everyone will

be a little sleepy

- Fat and happy

- Fat and happy

We're going for a a comatose audience

- Exactly

- I see that, I see that

Very strategic

- [suspenseful music playing]

- [rain pouring]

[indistinct conversations]

- Beautiful

- Thank you

- [Shlomo] Robert is here

- [Robert] I feel like I'm at a water park

Scooch in

so I can just, like, not get wet

- It's nice. Something very cozy about it

- [Ben] Calming, yeah

[Batsheva] I'll have some more

- [Silvio] These tomatoes

- [Julia] Tomatoes are incredible

What's not kosher?

This is the only plate

on the whole table that's not kosher

You know the food is really good

when it's quiet

- because everyone's eating

- Oh wow

You guys want to share the whispers?

What's happening?

- Um you say it, it's your thing

- It's my thing?

- [Batsheva] Yeah

- [Ben] Okay

We recently took a fertility test

[uneasy music playing]

- Uh

- Well, I told you about how Ben

wanted to have a baby, like

Ben, I thought we're not pressuring

Batsheva to have babies

Didn't we have this conversation,

you and I?

We had discussed not having kids

for a few years when we first got married

For like five years, we didn't, like

It was We were both

I mean, the three of us, we mutually

agreed on that, it was all great

And then, more recently,

like in the past 18 months or so,

we've sort of really developed into who

we want to be for the rest of our lives

We're very comfortable with where we are,

it brought up the conversation

- [Batsheva] He brought it up again

- Now

- Okay

- [laughing]

I would never, ever, ever

want her to feel pressured,

'cause having a child together

changes everything

- Your life is going to be basically over

- Right. It changes

It's not over. I don't want to have

this discussion. No, thank you

Let's make a bet. You're gonna have

a baby, you're gonna call me,

and you're gonna be like,

"Oh, my God. You're so right."

Your greatest joy in life,

you always say your children

- Yes

- So I want to do that in my life

So whenever you say those comments,

it really bothers me

- Please don't make those comments

- [Julia] I want you to have children

But every single time it's brought up,

you make the same comment

- You are too young, too young

- [Ben] Still making the "too young"

- [music stops]

- [rain pouring]

[Ben] I understand you want to wait,

we are living this incredible life

and we're very fortunate, but

to sort of help me

be comfortable with that,

I would feel comfortable

if we just knew that there wasn't a clock

Like, do your fish swim?

- Oh, God

- [Ben] Yeah

Everything is okay

- Yay! That's amazing!

- [Ben] Thank you

[Julia] No babies! Not yet!

I've got PTSD. I had babies up the wazoo

You want to have children?

Great. Wait until you hit 30

[thunder rumbling]

[Julia] Before you guys

talk about having babies

- [Batsheva] What is this?

- [Ben] Okay

I see my name

So, I know that you guys know

that I'm writing a book

- [suspenseful music playing]

- Now this is the unedited manuscript

So, I'm going to give them to you to read

I gave it to Miriam first a few days ago

I figured if she freaks out,

then I'm not giving it to anyone else

I will wait for the final version,

the clean, you know,

more appropriate version,

and then I'll give it to everyone else

I love you guys more

than anything on the planet

Everything I have done,

I have brought you with me

and I have done to make your lives better

Um, you very kindly mentioned

that you had given it to Miriam

Why was that?

[Julia] Honestly, the reason

that I gave it to Miriam first,

um, is because I figured Miriam

would have more of an ease

of reading the whole book

Like, right now, you're trusting

all of us to have the book

So I don't really understand why

giving it to me now

is different than giving it to me

three days ago

I didn't know whether I should give you

the unedited or the edited version

I feel lied to that she totally ignored

the fact that you gave her the book

and she knew about the book

We should be given

the opportunity to decide

if we're gonna be okay with something

Guys, you have to realize

this is new territory

I understand it's new territory

No one was trying to hurt you

You want to be part of the process, right?

No. No, no

I just don't want to be lied to

[thunder rumbling]

[closing theme music playing]