02x10 - Class Trip

[bunniefuu]

End of the year
class trip!

Van-cou-ver!
Van-cou-ver!

Van-cou-ver!
Denise, chant it!

Vancouver.
[ Chuckles ] Yeah!

Denise getting litty.
What's next, mama?

You gonna hop outta that thing
and give us a hug?

Crack that smile,
Denise.

Denise,
crack that smile.

Ha ha, yeah!
Denise letting loose!

Oh, my gosh.

I'm so excited for this
five-hour bus ride.

Just enough time to watch
one and a half "John Wicks."

Nice.
You think we'll each get

individual little cup holders
and foot rests?

It seems like a pretty
up-to-standard bus.

I'm sure they will.
Yeah.
It's North whatever.

How can you get much better
than that?

You know, I've always wanted to
go to the Vancouver Aquarium.

There's a seal I follow on
social media named Hashbrown.

Uh, this has been Peter coming
at us with straight facts.

[ Chuckles ]
You guys, check this out.

It's real.
Aw, that's great, Chad.

You got your passport.
Yeah, so exciting.

I'm finally
a USA citizen.

Hey, do you mind tossing this
in your man-pouch for me

and protecting it
with your life?

Oh, absolutely.
That's what it's for.

Okay.
So, seating arrangement.

What are we thinking?
Me, Peter, and then

Denise across the aisle,
or me, Peter,

and Denise in, like,
more of a women's section

that's not really
near us?

I am honestly open
to either.

Well, you and I
are sharing a hotel room.

Let me have the bus ride
with Denise.

Okay, and off that thought,
there's also this idea--

I'll Rochambeau you
for Peter.

Fine.
Thank you.

Two out of three.

Ha ha ha
ha ha ha ha!

I won!
I won the game!

Okay, that was fun, but I'm
still sitting next to Peter.

Wait, what?
No, that's not fair.

Peter, say something--
she's not respecting Rochambeau!

Come on, Chad.
What did we say about

you sometimes being
the bigger person?

That I struggle
with it.

Why don't you just sit
next to the girl

you've had a crush on
all year?

She's right there.

Mona.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

♪

Sorry.

Oh, I'm actually trying
to get over there.

Sorry, guys.
[ Grunts ]

It's hard to tell
who's sitting where.

Yeah.

Sorry. Sorry.

Ugh!

Sorry. Ugh.

Oh, sh**t.

Took me a sec
to get here.

Very smooth.

♪

Okay, this line says that
you will live a long life.

And this line says

you will have lots of money--
good for you!

Oh, sweet!
[ Chuckles ]

Does it ballpark
my net worth?

Or, I mean, are, like,
we talking millions or billions?

It does not get
that detailed.

Oh, my God, look.

[ Snoring ]

Oh, my gosh.

Who sleeps like that?
What a dumbass.

[ Laughs ]

You want
to go first?

Oh, my God.
You criminal.

♪

Oh!
I was so close.

Your turn.

I don't know
if I can do this.

♪

Nice shot.
Okay.
One more time.

Get it in
this time.
Okay.

Wait, what if I do
get it in

and he violently chokes
to death?

Then I guess you and I will
share a dark secret for life

and be tied together
forever.

[ Snoring continues ]

Not mad at that.

♪

Oh!
Negah Nakon.

Negah nemikonam.

Alon beedar
misheh!

♪

[ Both laugh ]

Oh, my God.
Oh, God.

♪

Holy sh*t.

Oh, my God!

Peter!

Two beds!
Wow.

Do you want to switch
in the middle of the night,

or should we just pick one
and stick with it?

Um, I-- I mean--
We can decide that later.

Yeah.
Do you like the decor?

Oh, my gosh,
I love the decor.

A hybrid leather
and wood headboard?!

How cool
is Vancouver?

Oh, my God.
The coolest!

Peter, look--
a chaise lounge.

Is that a chaise lounge
or a regular chair?

It looks like
a chaise lounge.

I'm gonna sit in here
and think about ideas.

[ Chuckles ]

I love it!

This is so awesome!
Oh, my God!

Peter-- art!

That-- That's--
By definition, that's art.

God damn it, I really feel
like they upgraded us.

I mean, you're really charming,
so there's a strong possibility.

I actually think we have
the best floor.

A lot of kids from the trip
are on this floor.

And we also have
an ice machine,

and also
Mona's on this floor.
Yeah, I saw you two.

You guys looked like you were
having a lot of fun on the bus.

Yep, that girl really
cracks my a*s up.

I-I never knew girls
could be funny.

No one told me.

Not one person.
Well, that's great for you.

I'm glad-- I'm glad to see
that you're growing.

I know.
I-- I really like her.

Mm.
I hope it works out for you.

That's what's so exciting
about this trip.

No parents, just two
teenagers flourishing.

Oh, my God!
Peter, look at this.

$48 quesadilla?

Must be a really
good quesadilla.

And turn down service?

Turn down for what!
Oh.

Oh, yeah,
let's jump on the bed.
Oh, my gosh.

Yeah.
I already am.

We! Run!
Vancouver!

Whoo!

I'm not allowed
to do this at home.

Hey, Peter.
Yeah?

You wanna walk down
the hall with me

and look at Mona's door?

Um...

Let's go!

♪

I'm pretty nervous,
but I think I'm gonna just

ride our bus momentum
right into the aquarium.

Who knows. This could be
my last night as a single man.

Just don't get
in your head, buddy.

Talk about common interests
and listen.

Remember, with girls, sometimes
you ask them a question.

Are you sure?
Yeah.

It's respectful, and that's
how you get to know someone.

Girls love that.

Alright.

Well, I'll strongly
consider it.

There it is.

My God, she's fully living
in there the next two days.

Hmm.
She told you this was her room?

Yup. 221.
[ Chuckles ]

So insane.

Hmm.

Do you think she's looked
at our door?

Probably.

She probably
already has, huh?

Okay, guys, we're gonna split
into two groups--

ones and twos.

If you're a one,
you're tide pools.

If you're two, penguins.
Starting here.

One, two, one, two, one, two,
one, two, one, two...

Switch with me!

Wait, no, switch back,
switch back!

One.
Two.

One.
So I'm two.

You're a one, Chad.

Chad's a one,
everyone!

Great. Two.

One. Two.

Peter, what number
are you?

I'm a one.
Denise,
what about you?

I'm also a one.
Damn it!

I'm-- I'm gonna have to switch
with someone, you guys.

Mona's a two.

I won't get to see her
the rest of the day.

You know what?
Eff it.

Don't tell anyone,
but I'm gonna go with the twos.

Whoa, what?
O-Okay.

I-I didn't hear
anything.

I mean, like,
holy sh*t, Chad.

This is-- You're taking
a huge risk with this.

Yeah, I'm just gonna go ahead
and blend with the twos.

Twos in the house!

Two crew!

Two-ty two, two!

Mona:
So, tell me more, hmm.

The less obvious stuff.

Who is Chad?

Well--
love that question.

Been waiting 15 years
for someone to ask me that.

Uh, I love memes.

I'm into deepfakes.

I love chocolate milk.

Me too.

You do?
Yes.

It's delicious, right?

It is a classic.

That's right.

Uh, what else?
Let's see.

Oh, I consider myself
to be pre-famous,

if that makes sense
to you.

So, congratulations
on knowing me when.

Okay.
Mm-hmm.

And what is your
favorite food?

Oh, easy.
Preservatives.

Stop.
Did you just push me?

I did.
Is that all you got?

It is not.

Whoa!

[ Chuckles ]

Wow.
You're strong.

Peter: Chad, remember,
with girls,

sometimes
you ask them a question.

And what about you?

What is some thoughts
that are on your mind,

as a girl
who has thoughts?

Well, for instance,
right now...

Mm-hmm.

...I was just thinking about
how you look like

that brown little puffer fish
with the cute eyes.

That one?
[ Laughs ]

The one that's like...

I think he's cute.

♪

You're cute,
you little dummy.

Chad.

Yes?

What are you doing?

Just hanging out.

Looking at fish.

♪

Can I-- Can I BRB
right back real quick?

What?
Okay, don't move.

And please don't talk to anyone.
I'll be right back.

♪

Peter! Peter!

Peter!
I did it! I did--

Aah!
[ Breathing heavily ]

Oh, my God, I did the questions
thing and it worked.

I think Mona wants
to kiss me.

What do I do?
Tell me everything, go.

Chad, go be with her.
What are you doing here?

I just...

Do you think
I'll be a good kisser?

Yeah, I do.

Denise, you're obviously a girl,
by all accounts.

What do you think--
me, as a kisser?

Be honest.
Be brutally honest.

- Probably fine.
- Thank you.

This is the day we've been
waiting for, buddy.

I'm proud of you.

I-I'm proud
of all of us!

I'm proud of you, too.
Screw it.

Frickin' proud of you, too,
little D.

I love you.
Okay.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you, guys.
Thank you so much!

Thank you, Denise, for saying
I'll probably be a good kisser!

♪

♪

What's that doing in there?
[ chuckles ]

♪

I like holding
your hand.

I like you.

I like you, too.

Oh, why exactly,
in words?

[ Laughing ]
See, that.

Every time I think I have you
figured out,

you surprise me with some new,
funny weirdness.

You are the least boring person
I have ever known.

I am?

I don't know
what to tell you.

I just like you.

And your little
fish face.

♪

Okay.

♪

I have an idea.

Do you wanna share
the ride home together

and maybe briefly unpack

and then maybe spend
the entire rest of the summer

hanging out?

I'm going back
to Paris.

Wait...

What? When?

Um, straight from here.

I'm leaving tomorrow.

I'm spending the summer
with my cousins in Montmarte.

Wait, sorry, you're going
to Paris tomorrow?

Mr. Henderson: Hey!
We've been looking for you.

Come on.
Vamoose.

Wait.

Are you...

Are you saying I'm not gonna
see you the whole summer?

Come on.

We still have
tonight, no?

Let's make the most of it.

Yeah, for sure.

Wait, Chad, you're a one.
Did you make yourself a two?

This--
Okay, this is what I'm ta--

The whole system's off,

and I've been working on this
for months.

Months?

She's going to freaking France
for the whole summer.

Straight from Vancouver,

like some kind of jet-setting
European widow.

Wow.
She's so international.

I have one last night with her
to make a lasting impression.

I really gotta lock things down
before she goes.

What are you gonna do?

Well, she's totally
convinced

I look like this dumbass fish
from the aquarium.

She's wrong, and I do not
look like the fish.

I'm literally so much hotter
than him.

But I found a little stuffed
fish that looks like it

at the gift shop,
so I think I'm gonna give her

a framed picture
of my face with that.

Do you think that's maybe

the best idea in the world,
do you think?

I love it.

It's like a nice little inside
joke you guys have together.

Exactly.
[ Ice clatters ]

You think you'll
finally kiss her?
Yep.

I'm gonna grab her little head
and I'm gonna kiss it

and I'm gonna keep kissing it,
no matter what.

Well, no, she needs
to be okay with it.

There has to be consent.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Consent.
Of course.

No, I'm definitely
gonna do consent.

Chad, what is going on
with this ice?

It's free.

[ Copier whirring ]

♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Holy sh*t.

♪

[ Door closes ]

♪

Gotcha.

[ Laughs ]

♪

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Help!

Help!

♪ Is there anybody out there? ♪

Help!
A child is dying!

♪ Feelin' kinda cooped up ♪

♪ Someone let me out the box
before I do somethin' ♪

♪ Hold my breath, count down,
three, two, one ♪

♪ Huh, now I'm in
the negatives ♪

♪ I just checked the clock and
I don't think it's ticking ♪

♪ Matter fact,
I checked the back ♪

♪ And ain't no batteries in it ♪

♪ sh**t, I don't think
that anybody knows ♪

♪ That I'm stuck inside the box
with a clock that's froze ♪

Aah!

Hello?!

Open! The! Door!

I'm stuck!

♪ So long to my mind ♪

♪ I done lost that
three or four times by now ♪

♪ So I'm kickin' it with
me, myself, and I right now ♪

♪ And if I die right now,
they won't find me, wow ♪

♪ Kinda, kinda, kinda,
sorta claustrophobic ♪

♪ Oh, God, oh ♪

♪ Kinda, kinda, kinda,
sorta claustrophobic ♪

What day is it?

Hmm?

♪

[ Groaning ] No!

Come on!

Ma'am, where's the girl
who lives here?

Uh, g-girl in this room.
French. You know...

[ Speaking gibberish
with French accent ]

Check out.
Nobody's here.

What?
Are you sure?

Did-- Did you check
under the bed?

She's very small.

No girl.

No.

[ Groans ]

sh*t! sh*t! sh*t!

♪

[ Mr. Henderson snores ]

♪

♪

Oh, honey, you--

you can't spend the whole summer
in your room.

Why not?

I've been d*ck deep
in mistakes,

and I deserve to suffer.

Why don't you check in
with Mona?

Maybe write her a letter?

Write her a letter?

W-What am I, some kind
of medieval sex pervert?

Okay, you could send her
a little Facebook message?

[ Whining ] My God,
no one uses that anymore!

You don't know what
you're talking about!

Okay.
Just call her.

Tell her how you feel.
Mom, it's over.

My heart died that night
in a hotel business center.

[ Clears throat ]
Chad...

I understand
what you're going through

because I was standing in
the doorway listening carefully

to the private conversation
you just had,

and you are
dead-a*s wrong.

It's not over
with you and Mona.

W-Why not?

How do you know it's not?

He needs hope.

Tell him.

Tell him what?
Yeah, tell him what?

Boise, Idaho.
Summer of '05.

Oh. Uh, wow.
Alright.

In the summer--
In the summer of '05,

your parents made love
in Boise, Idaho--

Hamid.
...because-- sorry.

Your dad and I broke up,
full stop.

We were dating, and it wasn't
really working out.

So I broke up with him.
Oh, God.

Were you just hormonal

or just fully lost
your mind or something?

N-No.

Why would you do
such a thing?

We were having
problems, Chad.

He was in Iran,
I was living in the States.

He wasn't prioritizing
our relationship.

He was pretty absent.

Gosh, poor guy.

Well, then what?
Then I ended it.

But the next day,
he was standing outside my door.

He came from Tehran
to Boise, Idaho,

where I was working
on my thesis.

Dad just showed up,
like, out of nowhere

'cause he loved you?

Yeah.
It was so sweet.

But the point is, Chad,

you never know
when the story's gonna end.

Sometimes you think
it's over,

and honey,
it hasn't even begun.

Now tell him
the fun part.

I don't think that's really
necessary, Hamid.

Tell him. I'm dying.
I'm dying, too.

- Tell him.
- Okay.

Uh, well...

that was the trip
where you were conceived.

They made you.

God damn it.
Ew.

[ Laughing ]
But also, whoa.

Pretty sick origin story
for me.

Mm-hmm.

Just be patient,
Chad.

Summer's only
three months long.

You'll see Mona again.

♪

Alright, here's
what's gonna happen.

Hamid's gonna cry and miss me
and Mom's gonna lose her sh*t.

Especially when
she finds out I used

all of her airline miles
and credit card points.

I need you to be their rock
and remind them

I'm not dead,
I'm just in Paris.

Do you think
I'm doing the right thing?

Honestly, no.

But it is pretty badass.

It's pretty badass, huh?

Very badass.

Thanks for the ride,
Mohsen.

Please don't tell anyone
about this.

Thank you so much.

It's for your own safety.

I love you!

God damn it,
I love you, man.

I'll buy you some time
with Mom.

Thanks, Niki.

I really appreciate it.

We-- We should really have
each other's backs more often.

It just never even dawned on me
that's an option.

Yeah.
It's nice.

Have fun.

Good luck.

Oh, N-Niki,
what is a layover?

I have five of them.

What?

[ Woman speaking French
over P.A. ]

♪

Suivant!

♪ Eloigne-toi du chemin ♪

♪ Qui te mène, qui t'emmène ♪

♪ Dans le flux, dans le flot ♪

[ Barking ]

sh*t!

My God.

♪ Eloignons-nous des phares ♪

Passport?

Passport.

It's in here somewhere.

Oh, here it is.

What is your nationality?

Thanks for asking.

I'm American.

♪ Au malheur ♪

♪ Le danger des vivants ♪

♪ Le divan des vengés ♪

♪ Le divin là-dedans ♪

♪ A l'air tout dérangé ♪

♪ Mais la bonne nouvelle ♪

♪ C'est celle
qu'on attendait pas ♪

♪ C'est comme une étincelle ♪

♪ Celle qui annonce
qu'on va s'aimer ♪

♪ C'est vrai, s'aimer,
mais pourquoi? ♪

♪ S'aimer, c'est fait
pour toi et moi ♪

Oh!

Oh. Sorry.

♪ C'est celle
qu'on attendait pas ♪

♪ C'est comme une étincelle ♪

♪ Celle qui annonce qu'on va ♪

♪

Oh. Sorry.

[ Speaking French ]

Sorry.

Does anybody know
where is a car?

♪ Ohhhh ♪

♪ Comme un pied de nez
aux damnés ♪

Sorry.

♪ Ohh, comme un pied de nez ♪

Oh, Jesus Christ.

♪ Mais la bonne nouvelle ♪

♪ C'est celle
qu'on attendait pas ♪

♪ C'est comme une étincelle ♪

♪ Celle qui annonce
qu'on va s'aimer ♪

♪ C'est vrai, s'aimer,
mais pourquoi? ♪

♪ Mais la bonne nouvelle ♪

♪ C'est celle
qu'on attendait pas ♪

♪ C'est comme une étincelle ♪

♪ Celle qui annonce qu'on va ♪

♪ S'aimer, c'est fait
pour toi et moi ♪

♪