01x07 - Welcome to the Black Parade

[bunniefuu]

Previously on

Overcompensating

Who will I be when you go?

I'm getting the feeling

your parents cared too much.

- Yeah.

- Have you ever kissed a guy before?

- No.

- Benny, I'm your girl.

- I'm a f*g hag now.

- I don't think you can say that.

- I'm Benny. We should hang out sometime.

- Sure.

I told you about my family.

I played Slutslayer with you.

And I only came once.

You treated me

like I was nothing.

You're a toxic gaslighter

with no future prospects.

I f*cked Peter.

They're all a

bunch of f*cking losers.

"Tig ol' bitties.

Talks about dead bro too much.

Cleveland Steamer

fan. Orphan sl*t."

Well, now I have my

dating app profile sorted.

Are you okay?

No. Oh, my God. It's

so dumb. I don't care.

No, um I'm just excited about

Thanksgiving with your family.

Yeah.

"Kinda a p*ssy."

Am I kinda a p*ssy?

New topic, please.

It's like you've never

been cyberbullied before.

Hi, you on

campus this weekend?

Actually, this

is a good time to chat.

We need to get on the same

page before we see Mom and Dad.

Same page about what?

About Peter, obviously.

'Cause they don't even know that he's

not coming. Unless you told them.

No. I had my weekly call with

them and didn't say anything.

You have a weekly call?

- Yeah.

- Oh, my God.

It's really fun. We play

Rose, Bud, Thorn and then

The only time they

called me all semester

was to see if I wanted a

membership to CorePower.

- I'll take it.

- You have enough.

So when they ask where Peter is,

we're gonna say that he's sick.

Did he tell you why he

called me kinda a p*ssy?

And details really sell the lie,

so specifically Peter is

sick with strep throat.

Like how he lied about

me being kind of a p*ssy?

You don't even

know that was him.

Anyone on the pledge committee

could've called you a p*ssy,

so you need to get this whole leaked F&G

slide bullshit outta your system now,

okay, and stop talking about it.

Because I don't wanna have

to explain it to Mom and Dad

and tell them that, like,

Peter's spiraling or whatever.

"Peter has fallen ill."

Say it back to me.

- Peter has fallen ill.

- fallen ill.

Thank you.

Okay. Well, I feel like now is

a good time to also tell you

I told Mom and Dad I row crew.

- What?

- Just say you saw me in a race.

- No way in f*ck am I doing that.

- Hey, Grace.

Where's Peter?

I kinda want a big lie

too so I can fit in.

We could lie and tell

them you were invited.

My son! My boy!

- Hi, Dad.

- Oh. Hi, Grace.

Oh. Glad you're here.

Hey!

- Oh.

- Hey, Dad. Ooh!

- Aw.

- Yeah. Hi.

Where's Peter?

- He's fallen ill.

- Aw.

Yeah. Uh, he was diagnosed

with strep throat.

- At the health center.

- Uh-huh.

On Tuesday. It was

raining. Stormy day.

Now we get Grace to ourselves.

Which is great 'cause I can use

that time to catch up with Benny.

You know, he's been so busy as the

star coxswain on the crew team.

- What's a coxswain?

- Dad, this is Carmen.

So nice to meet

you, Mr. Scanlon.

Oh, no. Call me John.

Carmen, I'm glad

you could join us.

Especially after Benny told me

what happened with your flight.

Yeah. You know how, like,

it, um it got bumped,

and then they didn't

have one until Saturday.

And I would have been

stuck on campus all alone.

- My son to the rescue.

- Uh Dad, what

- Oh. Invisalign.

- Oh.

- Ew, Dad. Oh, my God.

- Oh. Sorry.

Since I retired, I'm

finally taking care of me.

My babies!

John, why didn't you

tell me they're here?

I love you, I love you,

I love you!

Ah. And you must be

Carmen. Come here, girl.

We are so happy

to have you with us.

And is your mommy angry

that we're stealing you?

Oh, she'll cope.

Let me get this.

Oh! Looks like someone brought

a few outfits with her.

John.

Mostly books. Gotta

study for finals.

Oh, are you in the same

business class with Benny?

No. Um, English major actually.

She's, uh, an amazing writer.

No, really? Uh, have you

read Rob Lowe's new book?

Oh. No, I-I've missed that one.

Well, I just finished

it on audiobooks.

He's really a remarkable man.

I've been meaning to write a

history of our ancestors actually.

So, Dad, you're a writer, and,

Mom, you're a yoga teacher now?

Oh, no. That certification

was a nightmare.

This morning, I went

to self-defense class.

What did you learn?

Thank you for asking, Carmen.

Today, I learned how

you use the pivot foot

to push the energy through your

fist to take down an assailant.

- John, stand back.

- Yeah.

It's like this.

Power, pivot, punch!

- Right?

- Oh, wow.

- It's so good. It's so good.

- Hi, Stew!

- Hi, Stew!

- Ha, look who's back. It's Benny.

- Hi, Stew.

- Lucky seven, Benny boy!

Hi, Stew. I'm home too.

I know. We're so

excited. Where's Peter?

Mom, do you wanna

show me your pivot foot again?

- so much fun. Ah.

- Yeah, it's amazing.

Oh, my God.

Thank you, son.

She's a new addition.

You know, we had the 65-inch,

but 108-inch, curved,

this is a game changer.

Imagine March Madness

on this, Benny.

But staring at the yellow

does give him vertigo.

It's not yellow. It's Behr

saffron, and it's a knockout.

Would you

kids like something to drink?

Yeah, I'm

good with anything.

Wow. You guys really embraced

the accent wall thing, huh?

Every room.

Oh! Vitamin water.

Just trying to update the

house. Keep things fresh around here.

Dark

Uh, is that part of

keeping it fresh too, or

Oh, yeah. Your dad

tried to fix the lights,

and now they strobe.

So in order to stop it, we have to

turn off every light in the house.

So we've been mostly going dark.

For the record, the

wiring was not my fault.

No, no, no. You're right. And

thankfully, now that you're coaching

- Kathryn.

- What?

Oh. Oh.

You ruined the surprise.

Big news, Benny. I am now a

coach of the ol' Crusaders.

- Wow.

- Our hallowed ground.

Who says retirement has to

be spent on the couch, right?

- That's great, Dad.

- Yeah. And everyone asks about you.

So I thought maybe tomorrow

we'd drive around and say hi.

Although it's gonna be hard to explain

why you traded football for crew.

My son's not

getting soft, is he?

No. No, Dad. Uh,

football's club. Crew's D1.

Oh, you. You.

- That's my boy.

- Yeah.

- Well, he's my boy too. Mmm.

- Ah. Aw.

I have a little surprise that I

would like to share with everybody.

Well, I gotta get my workout in.

Hey, uh, Carmen, how

old do you think I am?

Mmm Fifty-six.

Yeah. Fifty-six.

Surprise!

So, a few days

after we dropped you at school,

I ran into Barbara Van

Horn at the Fred Meyer,

and she said, "Oh, what are you gonna do

all day now that you're an empty nester?"

And that really ticked

me off, you know.

What do you mean, what

am I gonna do all day?

It's not like I'm just gonna

sit around and do nothing.

So then I was at the mall,

returning a sweater at J.Jill,

and I realized

I should get myself a little day job.

Knock it off, Jagger.

Anyway. So I marched myself right

into the J.Crew factory outlet,

and I asked if they were hiring.

I didn't wanna do J.Jill. I

didn't wanna ruin it for myself.

And those managers

there hired me right on the spot.

Ugh, they are the best. The

sweetest g*y and this bigger girl.

- Mom, you can't say that.

- I'm not allowed to say g*y anymore?

Oh, no, "girl." The sweetest

g*y and this bigger woman.

So now you have six Chow Chows?

Oh. Ashleigh working there had this

Chow she was trying to get rid of,

- and Barley had just died.

- Barley's dead?

Cancer. He went fast.

We didn't wanna bother you guys.

You were in the middle of midterms.

- Oh, my God.

- Anyway, so I took her and boom.

Miss Sugar was pregnant.

Sugar? That name is so sweet.

They are all named

after Maroon 5 songs

because I had just seen the

show with my mall friends.

- Which one's Payphone?

- That's Payphone!

I'm gonna go to my room.

Okay, make sure you

show Carmen where it is.

Why?

Well, I feel a little uncomfortable

having Benny share his bed

with his woman friend when I haven't

asked her parents' permission.

What the living f*ck?

Language. You sound like

the kids who work at Zumiez.

So, Mom has lost her mind.

Why is Dad coaching?

Okay, Carmen, just

do us all a favor.

When the cousins get here,

if our Uncle Larry tries to talk to you

about his idea for a croakie business,

- just do not engage.

- Grace.

- What?

- They're not coming.

Mom told me that Zack

is dating a Mormon girl,

so they're spending all of Thanksgiving

with her family on a dude ranch.

Oh, thank f*cking God.

Okay, well, maybe the Mormons

will love Aunt Linda's

hand-painted "Choose Joy" rocks.

You'll see them

all over the house.

Last year I got

"Laugh, it's free."

Well, I'm this way. So I guess

that means we're this way.

Oh, "Welcome to the Black

Parade." I love that song.

Yeah, I used to. I just

never took it down.

Uh Sorry for

invading your space.

I guess it's better than

sleeping in Benny's room.

You wouldn't want people

thinking you're a sl*t.

Carmen?

I guess I I'm gonna go.

You think we're

in the right room?

Shut up.

Okay, well, I just got back

from Spencer's Gifts next door.

- Oh. Yeah.

- What is going on?

Yeah.

Grace used to be

different.

Every year for the

Christmas card,

Grace would get $20 if my mom could

pick her outfit and do her hair.

Well, at least there

was profit in her lying.

And love in mine.

I don't think you needed

to lie about crew.

Your parents are so sweet.

Like, I feel like they'd be proud

of you no matter what you did.

I mean, this whole house

is a shrine to you.

No, it's a shrine to the

version of me they're proud of.

Well, it reminds me of the

pictures of my brother in my house,

except my brother's dead.

Lucky him.

I'm sorry. I don't mean

literally, it's just

Your brother never had the

chance to let your parents down.

- I don't think I can change, Carmen.

- Sure.

I think it would ruin them.

I've been gone three months,

and my mom's a groupie for Maroon

5, and my dad's a Property Brother.

Okay, well, too late.

You've changed, Benny.

- But they don't need to

- You're texting boys now.

They don't need to know that.

Okay. Well, are you

gonna text George back?

I want to, yeah.

Okay. Are you ready?

Mm-hmm.

"Nah, bro. Went home."

"Nah, bro"?

See?

I'm back here for, like, an hour,

and I become who I was. f*ck.

Well, speaking of lying, I feel like

I should tell Grace about Peter.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

- She should know he's a piece of sh*t.

- Please don't. No, please don't.

Doesn't that make

you a bad brother?

Yes. Please don't.

Grace will freak out and then

my parents will freak out and

They like Peter. They don't

wanna know who he really is.

Let's just get

through the weekend.

Okay.

I don't know

between my Catholic guilt

and my parents on a

Royal Caribbean cruise,

it's hard not to feel

like an orphan sl*t.

f*ck them.

Thank you. Yeah, I

know. I'm I'm fine.

Oh. He's cute.

What's going on here?

I guess. Just a

high school friend.

Okay. Aggressive.

No, no. I just, um

Last time I saw him, um

Just didn't go well.

Okay. Um, I kinda wanna go

help your mom feed Maroon 5.

- My mom loves you.

- Really?

Yeah. Who doesn't?

Grace.

- What?

- Nothing.

Do you guys wanna go

to a movie tonight?

We could. But, um, Jeff texted

me about the downtown bar thing,

so we could do that.

Downtown bar thing?

The night before Thanksgiving

downtown bar thing.

I've literally never done that.

Well, Grace, you don't talk

to anyone from high school.

For good reason.

f*ck the bar. Let's

go to a movie.

- I really Uh, yeah.

- Wait Wait, okay.

- You're telling me

- Okay, yeah.

you think Lady Gaga is sexy?

- Yes. I think Lady Gaga is sexy.

- Okay.

- What?

- What? I'm I'm

I don't know. Just, um

Okay. All right. What about

What about me?

What about you?

Am I sexy?

Yeah, dude. So sexy.

- Benny. Whew.

- Hey, Dad.

Mile and a half. Fifteen

minutes. How about that?

Wow. Yeah.

Hey, you like your wall?

Crusader blue, right?

Like it. Um

- Dad, what, uh

- You know,

Invisalign made it so hard to eat, I

lost five pounds. How cool is that?

You wear my clothes?

Well, they fit.

I came in here the day

after we dropped you off.

- I just wept.

- Oh.

Hadn't cried like that

since I was named Senior VP Northwestern

Central Division of the bank.

Uh, it's it's an

honor.

I miss my boy.

Miss you too, Dad.

- We're glad you're home.

- Yeah.

So, business classes good? Pete

still showing you the ropes?

- Yeah.

- Great.

- Good boy.

- Yeah. All good.

Aren't you proud of your dad, huh?

Finally your team has a good coach.

Not really my team

anymore, but

Two pair of socks and

these babies fit like a dream.

Oh! Ah, tonight, uh,

what's the plan? A movie?

I'm actually meeting

some of the guys.

Great. Uh Not

too late.

- Yeah.

- We got a lotta people to see tomorrow.

Yeah. Good to be home.

Hey.

f*ck the movie.

We're going to a bar.

To see those high school people?

Give me 20 minutes.

Hi, Kathryn. Can I

help you with anything?

Hi, sweetie. You are so nice.

You can keep me company.

Oh. Are you

a makeup artist too?

No.

My girl Rosa at the MAC counter

gave me a bunch of testers.

I was gonna give 'em to

Grace. I can't use any of it.

The names are really crass,

but they're really pretty.

I could show you.

There's this makeup girl on

YouTube I'm obsessed with.

- She has some pretty cool tips.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- I would love that.

She got canceled three times

for saying some r*cist stuff,

but she's actually really

good at explaining eye shadow.

Do you do this with

your mom all the time?

Uh No.

Well, I had so much fun.

You're a real girl's girl.

Thank you. Um

Do you do this kind

of thing with Grace?

No.

I don't think Grace is a girl's girl.

Or maybe I'm just not her kinda girl.

Oh. Hi.

Hi, sweetie. Look at this beautiful

makeup that Carmen's doing.

It's really bold.

Do you have a tampon, Mom?

Oh, I don't think I do.

Menopause is over for me, even though

you could never tell looking at my face.

I have one.

Oh. Thanks.

You look so pretty, Grace.

You really do, sweetie.

Tampon?

Hey, Benny boy!

Hey!

Ah, you

piece of sh*t! Yeah!

I need a drink.

Yeah, yeah. Me too.

- What do you want?

- Um, whatever you're having.

- Okay, and you have an ID?

- Yeah.

Right.

Holy sh*t.

- Disgrace!

- Oh, my God.

She

looks so different.

I f*cking hate her.

Oh, my

God, Disgrace is here?

I heard my mom talking

to Taylor B.'s mom,

and they were saying

how skinny she is now.

I mean, we're, like, the same size.

Did she say anything about me?

- No.

- Whoa.

Is that Disgrace?

She's kind of hot now.

Thank you.

Yeah.

How the f*ck is

college, brolingua?

You getting laid, Ben?

You getting some nice puss-puss?

Yeah. Yeah!

Hey. That one girl you posted

had some f*cking juga-wats.

Jugs!

She had some bazingas!

Bazingas!

What's up? Ah, I

missed you, bro. No h*m*.

Missed you too.

No h*m*.

Is it always like this?

Oh, the nonstop standing ovation?

It is literally always like this.

It was the same for my brother.

How old is he?

Oh. No, he's not. He's dead.

Oh, sh*t. I'm sorry. That's

brutal, Carmen. f*ck.

Although living in a

memorial shrine to him

and, like, parents that

only wanna talk about him,

it feels like you

kinda know the drill.

Yes, I know that drill. I do.

So Wait, why did you

wanna come to Idaho?

Wouldn't your family, like,

want you to be with them?

Especially if you're, like

Last living child? Yeah.

- Yeah, you would think. Um, no.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- They're on a cruise.

- Ew.

Yeah. They said they thought

I would be too busy to come.

So there was no flight thing?

Details sell the lie.

More drinks?

- Outside.

- Oh, sh*t. That weed is loud.

That's a fat blunt, but, you

know, um, they drug test for crew.

So I gotta skip, boys. But

yeah, have fun. See you, boys.

See you, Benny.

Hey, Benny.

Hey, man. Uh When

did you get here?

You saw me, Benny.

Look, I just wanted

to say I'm sorry

No need. Yeah.

All good, brother.

What's up, you piece of sh*t?

Okay, can we talk

about your bedroom?

What about my bedroom?

Grace, it looks like the set of

an Avril Lavigne music video.

Actually, I was more of

an Ashlee Simpson girl.

OMG. Wait, me too.

Wait. Did we order these?

It makes sense to me that

your room is so random.

Like, it feels like you're kind

of out of sync with your life.

Like, you dress like the F&G

girls, but you don't act like them.

- Yes, I do.

- No, you don't. You're not fake.

You're a b*tch to me. You're

a b*tch to me to my face.

- No, I'm not.

- Grace.

I don't mean to be a

b*tch, like, all the time.

No. I wish I was like you.

I wish I could just be like a

stone-cold b*tch and not care.

I care.

- I didn't need a tampon earlier.

- Hmm?

Yeah. I have an IUD,

obviously. I'm not 12 years old.

I just heard you

and my mom laughing.

Oh, my God. You

should have joined.

Like, I haven't said more than five

words to my mom in the past two years.

Holy

sh*t! It's Disgrace.

Shut the f*ck up! Why

don't you eat "dis a*s"?

Okay. Well, you were just

a b*tch to someone's face.

I'm glad you're here.

Thanks. Me too.

Also if one more person

calls you Disgrace,

I'm gonna buy a g*n.

Well, we're in Idaho, so

that won't be very hard.

I texted a naked picture of

myself to this guy in ninth grade.

- Nude photo Nude, like Full?

- Mm-hmm. The full nude.

I mean, it was blurry and my

bangs were covering my eyes,

but he showed it to the

entire baseball team,

and that is when

Disgrace was born.

Oh, my God. Do

you want to leave?

No, f*ck it. I gave myself a

blowout for these assholes,

and I don't even know why.

I will always be

Disgrace to them

but I guess it's better than

being an orphan sl*t, right?

Too soon? Okay.

Yeah, I am a b*tch.

And I'm just an orphan sl*t.

Why would anyone

write that about you?

Like, Benny I get.

He is kind of a p*ssy

but, like, "orphan sl*t"?

It's so weirdly specific.

Downstairs

karaoke starts in ten minutes!

Oh, my God. We're going. We have to

watch these hicks mortify themselves.

Come on. Come on,

come on. We're going.

Hey, what would

you rather have

a stapler mouth or

hole punch fingers?

- Or a p*ssy?

- You're a p*ssy.

Yo, what would you do if

you had a p*ssy for a whole day?

- I'd f*ck Ellen.

- You couldn't handle her.

No

h*m*. No h*m*, bro.

Sammy. Hey, um

I saw you.

Obviously I f*cking

saw you, but

Okay?

Sorry, I was I was

being kinda a p*ssy.

Yeah.

How's school?

It's really hard.

But I really like

California. So

Cool.

Yeah.

Yeah, Yates is, um It's good.

Your girlfriend, um The one

that came with your sister?

She's, uh She's

really pretty.

Oh.

She Uh She's not my

- Can I

- No, can I? Please.

I'm really sorry, Benny.

That day, I misread things.

Am I sexy?

Yeah, dude. So sexy.

What the f*ck?

I'm sorry.

f*gg*t.

You You didn't

misread anything.

I was scared.

I still am.

I'm trying to figure it out.

College hasn't been good. Um

I caught feelings for

this straight guy.

It was the worst experience

of your life?

By a mile.

Yeah. No. I've been there.

I think about

you all the time.

You do?

Yeah.

And that girl,

she's not my girlfriend.

She's my f*g hag.

Yeah, I don't think you're

allowed to actually say that word.

I think I can

now.

Right.

She is a hag, which

That would make you a f*g. Yeah.

And for the record, Lady

Gaga is sexy.

Yeah.

And so are you.

Sorry. The line for the

bathroom was so long.

Okay, that was TJ singing "Driving Drunk

Through an Intersection" by Kurt Dillard.

And next we have Grace singing

"Welcome to the Black Parade."

I wasn't in the

bathroom. Details.

Carmen, I'm not singing.

Yes, you are.

Dude, you gave yourself a

blowout. f*ck these assholes.

Grace?

Go.

Hello?

- f*ck it.

- Grace?

Let's go, Disgrace! Whoo!

Well, play it.

Okay.

When I was a young boy ♪

My father took

me into the city ♪

To see a marching band ♪

Okay,

so we're gonna do this?

I think we're already doing it.

Okay.

He said, "Will

you defeat them? ♪

Your demons and all

the nonbelievers ♪

The plans that

they have made? ♪

Because one day

I'll leave you ♪

A phantom to lead

you in the summer ♪

To join the black parade" ♪

Yeah!

When I was a young boy ♪

My father took

me into the city ♪

To see a marching band ♪

He said, "Son,

when you grow up ♪

Would you be the

savior of the broken ♪

The beaten and the damned?" ♪

He's out banging horses

then f*cking candles,

you know what I mean? Benny, did

Sammy trap you in the bathroom?

That's

so funny, Connor.

You weren't saying that an hour

ago when my d*ck was in your mouth.

Hey, you better watch

your mouth, f*gg*t.

Don't f*cking call him that.

What, are you a

f*gg*t too now, Benny?

And other times I

feel like I should go ♪

When through it all

the rise and fall ♪

Power, pivot, punch!

f*ck p*ssy!

And we'll carry

on we'll carry on ♪

m*therf*cker, you're a dead man.

Unbelievable.

Do you know how

stupid I look? Do you?

I told everyone I was

bringing you by to say hello.

But then you went out and

got yourself two shiners.

I had to cancel

God.

Hide those. I beg.

You are hardly one to talk decorum.

You're not even dressed for dinner.

Shampoo exploded

all over my clothes.

Is it, like, so bright in here?

Yeah.

Uh, honey

Oh, is that funny, Ben?

A little, actually.

You are so lucky Mike let

you off with a warning.

Do you know what an arrest

would do to your future plans?

Just because you're in business school

doesn't mean a job is guaranteed.

I guess it's a good thing I'm

not in the business school.

Excuse me?

I dropped out of my

business classes.

What? Why? Why?

Well, I hated them.

So?

Life isn't only about

doing what you want.

My God, what are

you going to study?

- I don't know.

- Don't know? You have to have a plan.

Peter has a job after school.

You don't just get to

go there and wing it.

Peter doesn't have a job.

He lied to impress you.

What? Wh Why

would he do that?

- You can't be serious, John.

- What?

- You lied.

- About what?

You didn't retire.

You were laid off.

What?

Let's not do this.

Oh, I'm going to.

I've let you ruin every room

in my house with accent walls.

That's Behr's Peacock Tail.

- And it's a knock

- Knockout. I heard.

And the team loves you

as their new coach,

except that you're one of

five assistant coaches.

And Behr's Peacock

Tail is f*cking insane!

I'm not a coxswain.

What is a coxswain?

I'm not on the crew team.

You lied about that too?

You said you were the

coach, not the assistant.

That's irrelevant

to the conversation.

No, it isn't.

You kept pressing me and asking me

if I was playing a sport, so I lied.

You don't have to lie to us,

honey. You can change your mind.

Oh, can he, Kathryn? Life is so

easy, you can just change your mind.

We changed our minds, John.

Kids, we got a divorce before we

came back together and had you two.

What?

Anything else you want to

discuss tonight, Kathryn?

Yes.

You would stop getting vertigo

if you hadn't

spent my money on a TV

that distorts every

episode of Criminal Minds.

Sugar, knock it off!

Playing

"Sugar" by Maroon 5.

I'm hurtin' baby ♪

Well,

I am going to go watch

Band of Brother on my TV!

Maps needs a bath.

I think I'm gonna throw

up.

Beggin' I'm on

my knees, yeah ♪

I don't wanna be needing your love

I just wanna be deep in your love ♪

Should we say what

we're thankful for?

How are the black eyes?

My dad loved them.

I'm so happy I got to see you.

Me too, Benny.

Are you coming

home for winter break?

Oh, yes.

So that was

Insane?

It almost made me miss the

calm of Aunt Linda's rocks.

- Almost.

- Yeah.

I also wondered if you wanted to tell

me what really happened with your eyes?

Mom, I Um I

told you and Dad.

I I walked into the bar and

then there was this post

Oh, but, sweetie, I'm

in self-defense class.

I know a man-made

shiner when I see it.

Um

Sammy was at the bar.

Oh.

And, um, a few of the guys

called him a f*g.

Well, that must have hurt

his feelings very much.

Yeah.

I think it did.

Well, good for you for

sticking up for Sammy.

Yeah.

And I hope I didn't

embarrass us too much

in front of that darling Carmen.

No.

It was just time, you know.

Your dad has been carrying

around all these secrets

'cause he wants to

be perfect for us.

For you especially.

And he's even trying to

fix his teeth, and

It makes me think of the rock that

Aunt Linda gave me last year that says,

"Perfection is boring."

You know that, right?

You know you don't need

to be perfect, right?

- Mom.

- Yeah?

There's something

you should know

Mmm.

"Laughter is free."

Free ninety-nine.

God, she's a freak.

I used the move you showed me.

You did?

- Power.

- Pivot.

Punch.

It's all so amazing, Mom.

The dogs. The self-defense.

Mmm.

- The mall community.

- They're wonderful people.

Yeah. I'm so proud of you, Mom.

Oh, my goodness. I gotta

get going.

Black Friday starts at

midnight at the mall.

You're You're working

tonight?

It's the Super Bowl

of shopping, honey.

Right.

And I told Preston and Tanya

that I would bring Starbies.

You Bring Carmen.

- Let's just get this over with, Ben.

- Okay.

Ready for the Christmas card, kids?

I hope Peter wasn't too lonely.

He's fine, Mom.

Carmen, you get in too, honey.

- No.

- Yes.

- Yes.

- Come in.

I'm your Pacific

Northwest mommy now.

- Isn't this the Midwest?

- No.

Smile, Sugar. Smile,

Sunday Morning.

No one is ever gonna

see this photo.

"Peter Whitney, Dean

Ballick would like to meet with you

regarding the recent

Flesh & Gold leak.

Please respond with

your availability,

as this is a very serious matter of which

the school is taking immediate action.

Sent from my iPhone"?

f*ck p*ssy.