02x03 - The Unusual Suspects

[bunniefuu]

All right, all right.

KNOCKING ON DOOR

All right! All right!

Gemma?

Look, Gemma, now's not a good time.

No, it's not, is it not?

You get in there, I've got something to say to you.

What, like anything you haven't already said?

No.

Maybe last week or the week before, now I totally betrayed your trust

and made us both live a lie.

Maybe just let me save you some time, yes?

Shut up and let me in.

Look, look, look, if you want to give me a full dressing down,

why not do it out here?

Yeah, for long consent.

Go on, go for the day.

Yeah.

Go on, go on, go on.

Just you listen to me, Terry Bremmer.

What is she doing here?

Hi, Gemma. How are you doing?

Haven't seen you since your wedding day

when you tried to marry my husband, remember?

As he's aware, if he'd have been straight with me

and told me he was married, I wouldn't have given him a second look.

Oh, come on, just look at him.

You'd still have been tempted.

Gemma, can we discuss this outside, please?

Oh, no, we can't.

I'm a big girl, I can take me lot.

We're having this out right here, right now.

Gemma, please!

Please, Gemma, stay.

I'd love to see this.

Gemma, get your hands off me.

Hold on!

Go, Terry!

Gemma, please, trust me.

Trust you? Are you having a laugh?

Look, honestly, I've got a plan.

Yeah, it's going to fix this entire thing.

Plan? What plan?

APPLAUSE

and that you did intentionally and with malice a forethought set gas canisters to explode

engulfing the caravan in flames and k*lling the victim

I didn't. He wasn't me. I'm not a m*rder*r. I catch murderers. We catch murderers. At

least I stand next to her when she does. Miss Draper who told us that you informed

her of a plan to get rid of the victim. This is a cruel premeditated crime indeed. Guilty.

We've got a special little cell just for you my friend. What? Let's see what you've won.

I, uh, look at us two, eh? The Governor said this was in a desire for one person. I said

don't worry. If it doesn't work out, I'll make sure there is only one person here. Alive

anyway. You don't scare me. So this is, uh, my punishment

for lying to Gemma. I, I didn't k*ll anyone, but I did k*ll our love. So I, I accept what's

going on. Gemma, just accept what's going on. I'm absolutely heartbroken, Monica. Have

you ever had a friend that you've sold murders with, fallen in love with, and then just as

you're about to marry them, they reveal they've been married to someone else for the whole

time? I had something very similar with one of the

presenters of the one show. But I got over it, Gemma. It's been months. I can't seem

to move on, Mon. You need closure. I can't believe I'm saying this. You need to go and

see him one last time. Have it all out. And that'll give me closure? God, no. Then you

go to a wine bar, get talking to the fittest barman and take him home for a night of deviant

passion. Then break up with him, breaking his heart and taking all your problems out

on him. It's, it's not fair. It's what love is, Gemma. Now open your post. What's this?

It's Terry. And her. Cafe Gardetto, 1997. What's that? There you go. A picture of a dead person.

You love dead people. I like finding out who k*lled him. And in this case, we know who

k*lled one, but is he dead? And why is he circled? Did Terry k*ll him as well? I think

there's only one way to find out. You're right. I'm going to see Terry. Well done, you. Are

going to book us a wine bar for after. We can go on the hunt. Oh yeah. Might want to

tidy yourself up first. Have a wash. You're a bit skanky. She's right. Why did they have

to die, Terry? Can you just touch the glass, please, Gemma? Just so I can feel some connection.

c*ck-a-doodle. Why are you wearing a bird mask? It gets to be human again when it's

done its chores. Namely, cleaning the cell and singing me to sleep. You're both idiots.

A bit harsh. Look, Terry, I need you to tell me what you've been up to. That was a form

of life, Gemma. One life I've left behind. c*ck-a-doodle. Oh, I know all about your

other life. I've googled the bloody Kathy Gardetto. Look, loads of stuff came up. Apparently,

it was notorious in the 90s as the hangout for the most cutthroat smuggling g*ng in all

of London. That was me. Gemma, I only ever did tiny crimes. No massive ones, just teeny

tiny crimes. And then I got out because the g*ng got too heavy for me. c*ck-a-doodle.

See this fella here? That's Larry. c*ck-a-doodle. He was k*lled eight months ago in London.

I went back through our diaries. You were in London on that day. Yeah, but only because

I went to Harrods. Getting those biscuits that your mum likes so much. Shall I still

maintain? I just digested, rebranded. c*ck-a-doodle. It all makes sense now. When I met you, you

were living in the bottom of the coach. On the run from a m*rder, no doubt. I was low

on ambition. c*ck-a-doodle. And murders? You've done that many yourself. It's no wonder you're

so bloody good at solving them. I'm not. I'm going to be shattered with both that. I put

this forward when we were generating the business plan. c*ck-a-doodle. There's more to this

than I know. And I'm going to find out everything. Does this mean you're investigating? Are you

going to prove me innocent? The can of love was flickering, but it still burns on in your

heart, Gemma. c*ck-a-doodle. You're not proving your innocence, Terry. I'm finding out who

else you k*lled. Oh, it's no more sitting on the sofa for me. Oh, no, I've got a new

case, and I'm back to being an investigator. Are you going to come back here and talk to

me about my other victims? I met me all the way off the thread. There are none. Are you

going to come back and talk to me, Gemma? c*ck-a-doodle. Watch her go, Terry. Every

single step. Maybe I could cheer you up and tell you about the time I met a census taker.

I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice can of lute. c*ck-a-doodle. Well, Chianti

gives me wind. c*ck-a-doodle. Shh. Shh. Bonjour. Pack your stuff. Oh, right, yes, of course.

Hang on. Are you kicking me out? You can't kick me out of my own house. No, we're going

on a case, so chuck some clothes in a bag. Ooh, where are we going? Somewhere glamorous.

London. Oh, can we go to Soho? There's some nightclubs I'd like to see if I'm still barred

from. We're going to find out the truth about Terry Bremmer, or whatever his name is. Fine,

as long as we're staying somewhere four star. Proper four star, not TripAdvisor four star.

Their four star just means it's not presently on fire. It's gone. Exciting. There, there.

You might want to get today's crime out of the way now, Terry. Saviour keeping me up

all night, eh? Are you crying for your victim, or for the life that you once had that's now

completely over, and the fact that you're going to have to spend the rest of it in here

with me? I don't have a victim. I meant a son. Of course you are. Don't worry, you've

got another friendly face coming in soon. Remember Gary, from London? Psycho Gary. Ooh,

now there's a nickname. He's been transferred here. He was in medium security, but someone

told him you were here. So he folded up the guard like origami, and now he's been transferred.

And apparently he's gone extra psycho since he found out you k*lled Gary. Wait, does it

always have a massive crush on him? Well, it looks like he's going to have a crush on

you by the sounds of it. No. Still, you've got a couple of days to practise your begging

before he gets here. He'll be fine. I'm sure I can talk to him, and he'll straighten this

whole thing out. Give me to him! I'm going to snap him in two!

Argh!

Do you recognise any of these faces? Oh yeah, that's Tony. Told me he was called Terry.

Told me he could drink twenty pints and still get to the toilet. He was wrong every night.

And that's Kerry, and that's Carrie, and that's Barry, and that's Gary, and that's Larry,

and she is Harry. Short for Harriet. They had a big thing about rhyming their names,

except for Tony who didn't want to join in. Do you know him? Yeah. Cos he still owes me

a lot of money for about a hundred drinks. Tell him to come in and pay me. He got life

in prison for m*rder. Well, when he gets out, tell him to come in and pay me. Are any of

them still round here? Oh yeah. It's Carrie. You'll find her over there. Oh, amazing! Amazing.

Thank you. Thank you for your help. I'm sorry, Gemma, but if we're investigating anything,

I think the real crime is whatever's happened in that toilet. Do you even have a cleaner?

Carrie's over there. Come on, let's go meet her. Well, if she can mix even a passable

martini, she's my new best friend. Look at this place. I need somewhere that's a bit

more Kim Kardashian than Carrie Katona. Wait, then. What is the point of this? Who's gonna

wear it once you've made it? Me? I am. Jazz things up round here. Good luck getting the

material in here, Merit. Oh, I've already got it. I'm gonna use Schumann's skin. Yours

in fact. You are. Good job you're a big lad. I might even get a scarf out of you as well.

Well, a literal one. She was right then. I don't think Carrie's gonna be as much help

as we thought. She probably thinks she's being funny. Cheeky, madam. Probably why this place

is half empty. Well, that and the smell of egg. There's more to this story than just

this. There's not, Gemma. This was your lead. We've come here and nothing. Honestly, I thought

this was gonna be a sisters together, glamorous hunt for the truth, and all I've got is you

dragging me around London in your orthopedic sandals. I need these for my fallen arches,

Monica. As well, you know. Oh, this is Harry from the photo. Someone's helping us. Right.

Now you just stay in the background, Gemma. Oh, for a change. These are my people. The

affluent yachting community. Rude, rich, and thoroughly arrogant. God, it's good to be

back in my world. That feeling, Gemma, being out on the open water. Your fella at the helm

and knowing that his wife is safe. You're back in England. You can't beat it. It's the

clammy mermaid. Hello! Gemma! That's not how we address people in the yachting world. Ahoy!

Permission to come aboard? Pardon? Oh, hi. Hi. Yes. We're hoping to ask you a few questions.

I'm Gemma. This is my sister and salty sea dog, Monica. Ignore Gemma. She's had a plane

life. Questions about what? A bloke called Tony. Well, I knew him as Terry. And some

people called Barry and Carrie and Larry. And I think there's a Gary in there somewhere.

Get away from here. Get away from my boat. I'll have Marina's security kick you out.

Really, Harry? And when they get here, shall I point out the sheen on the water all around

your boat? That's oil leakage, dear, polluting our beautiful waterways. They won't like that.

The shaft seal's probably gone, but you know that already. When they get here, shall I

also point out you've swapped over your shore power with your neighbour's yacht. So you're

using their electricity, aren't you? You could install solar. I mean, better for the environment.

You could run this whole rig off three panels, but I doubt you've got the money to spend,

have you? How dare you? I mean, you could get hissy and just sail away, but your exhaust

is blacker than a rainy night in hull. So you've probably got a fuel injector away,

maybe more than one. So for all your flyers offering boat trips, we both know that you'll

not get very far. This boat's not seaworthy, which means we also both know that this boat

tours nonsense is a front for something. My guess is tax avoidance with a cheeky little

sprinkling of money laundering. Perhaps you'd both like to join me for a little tipple.

And don't worry, we're not with the authorities. Gemma here's a private investigator and I've

got an actual life. That was surprisingly incredible. Gemma, I have my uses. There's

more to me than just a pretty face, an incredible body and a dazzling personality. And I'm very

grateful for that. Well, there's no getting around it. That is me. Gosh, it's a long time

ago. What a fun lot we were. Why are Kerry and Larry circled? They're dead. Gemma's ex-fiance

m*rder*d one of them. He's in prison for it. She's got poor taste in men. What Monica means

by that is, um, well, yeah, she's right, actually. We were hoping we could ask... Kerry's dead?

Oh, my God. Who k*lled her? Him. Tony? Well, he was Terry when I knew him. Tony's the...

He's the m*rder*r. Tony the Terrified. Why is that so funny? Well, I suppose if Kerry's

dead, there's no harm in telling you. What you're looking at is a photograph of the Thames

12. There's only seven of you? Yeah, I think a few have been arrested or k*lled by the

time this photo was taken. So how was Tony slash Terry involved in this? Well, it just

turned up. He'd been driving a coach-load of tourists and he popped into Gardetto's

for a beer and, well, he and Kerry hit it off before you knew it. Inseparable, weren't

they? Of course, Kerry always had an angle. She got him to smuggle things across the border

in his couch. Oh, yeah, coach-load of pensioners waved through any checkpoint in Europe. And they

got married. What did they do, didn't they? What a day that was. Oh, we were laughing.

So you see, Kerry had shot somebody. She shot someone? Yes, it was most unlike her. Normally,

she left that to me and Barry. We were the enforcers. But the police knew that Tony had

been there when she did it. Now, husband cannot testify against his wife, so they got hitched.

Very convenient. That's Barry in the photo there. He still lives round here. Oh, I see

him sometimes up at the orphan centre. Oh, it takes me back to those days. Taking a blowtorch

to somebody's toes because they hadn't paid us. And then the smell would make us grave

pork crackling, so we'd scream it back to Gardetto's for bar snacks and alibis. Oh,

happy days. So how did I meet Terry Tony up north, then? Well, he ran off. The local police

were getting wise to us, and he got scared. Pulled the coach up at the border and made

a run for it. They lost a shipment. And he knew what the penalty was for that. What was

that? Me? Well, death by me. Oh, I was quite synonymous with death at the time. So you

didn't catch him? Oh, no, I caught him. I just couldn't do it. He's the only one that

got away. I tell you this, and you must remember. Barry, get down! I think I'll just sit here

if that's all right. Hold still, Harry. You're blazing. Best of luck, everyone. Don't use

a tablecloth. It's from John Lewis. Use your terrible shirt. Stay still. I'll keep pressure

on it. We're gonna make it. It'll take more than this to lay me down, my dear. I promise

you that. Now, get yourself ready. We're gonna have to make a run for it. I've got some g*ns

in the car. We'll hunt down whoever's doing this and sh**t them in the mouth. Or maybe

go to hospital and notify the police. Not my way, Ginger. Let's go. Oh, Gemma! Oh, Gemma!

Come on, we've got to keep moving. He didn't want to do it. He didn't want to do any of

it, you and Tony. Terry. Don't split hairs. Tony, the terrified we called him because

he was so scared of the smuggling. He did whatever she said, never stood up for himself,

followed her from crazy scheme to crazy scheme. Was he like that when he was with you? No.

Well, yeah, but it's very complicated. And he begged her not to rush him into getting

married. He wanted to wait. He wanted to wait until he was sure. So he didn't want to? No.

Every frog marched him up the aisle at poor sod. Well, I did get him up the aisle, but

it was voluntary, so if that... Take care of yourself. If I've learnt nothing else in

this life, it's that any grown woman with Velcro fastenings on her shoes needs to look

out for herself. They're orthopedic. I've got fallen hearts. No! Come on, then! Take

care of me if you... Monica, I'm safe! If that even barely interests you. Stop! Stop!

You're making a huge mistake. She's more annoying than you can ever imagine. Hey! Hey! What's

going on? Hey! Oh, I'm good. I'm good. Quick! Over here! Get in the cab! Look at that van!

Some water, gas and g*ns! Yeah, that's a good idea! Are you OK? Yeah. My whole life just

flashed before my eyes. Monica was in loads of it, being annoying. Yeah, well, someone

sure does look like you. We didn't do anything. We're just asking questions. We're asking

questions around here. It's a dangerous thing. There's a lot of bad people, mate. You're

not. Saved my bloody life back there, you did. Yeah, I can't help it. I see two beautiful

women in danger and I do what I can to help, even if I only manage to save one of them.

You said beautiful, though. Who would you say was the most beautiful? Mum always said

that Monica was beautiful on the outside and I was more beautiful on the inside, but objectively,

how would you rate us? Hiya, Gemma. Please, don't hang up. I won't. Terry, why are you

dancing? To cheer me up, Gemma. Someone did a stinker in the communal latrine last night,

so now they've got a day of dancing to make amends for it. I do not understand men sometimes.

Look, I met with Harry. She was one of my favourites of the lot, apart from all them

people she k*lled. How is she? Dead? Someone shot her? Oh, God, no. She explained everything

to me, how you didn't ever want to be a part of it, how you were just as spineless back

then as you are now. Great! I mean, I think. Terry, I know that you didn't k*ll Kerry.

The second we started asking questions here, they're trying to bump us off. Monica's been

kidnapped. They kidnapped Monica? Poor sods. Yeah. I think the real k*ller is here in London.

So, yeah, you're gonna catch them and then we can go back to how things were. I'll catch

the k*ller, get Monica back. But you still lied to me, Terry. I did. Oh, that's horrible,

isn't it, Gemma? Once trust has gone, there's nothing really left, is there? I think that's

a crime probably worse than m*rder. Dance! Look, I've got to go. We're going to the orphan

centre to talk to Barry. No, don't... Wait, sorry, did you just say you want to go to

the orphan centre? Yeah, I think the person we're looking for must be helping children

out. Children? At the orphan centre? Yeah, that's not likely. We're all orphans here.

Orphans from a world that doesn't want us, right? Tossed into the mire, erased from existence.

Lovely. Don't listen to anyone who says that the old drugs have addled my mind. Here's

the secret. My mind was addled long before I even touched them. I win. I was hoping to

ask you a few questions, if that's all right? Yeah, I was hoping to answer them, yes. But

will the answers match the questions, right? Is truth real? Do eight out of ten cats really

prefer whiskers? OK. Can I show you this? Oh, look, it's me! It is, yeah. Or is it?

Or is it fake? The nightmare made real. The sorcerer's spell, thrown up across the paper.

Well, maybe accept it's real and focus on looking at it. Tony! Tony! It's like Tony,

and then it's Harry, and then Kerry, and Kerry, all again. And have you seen any of them lately?

Yes. Yes? No. Kerry was here yesterday. You didn't bring any Kit Kats, did you? I don't

like them, but I'd like to know they're there, you know. Kerry's dead, I'm afraid. She died

a couple of months ago. Must have been an hallucination. We got hauled over in a car

with lots of acid in it about ten years ago, so I ate it. I don't think it's fully left

my system. Are you real? I think so. That's nice. Yeah, although today I'm wishing I wasn't.

Just remember, I know I wasn't a good father, right? But in fairness, you haven't been a

great daughter, have you? Bring it back, Barry. Look at the photo. What is it? What are we

looking at? It's you. We were just talking about it. Very lightly, but I can't even go.

I've gone again. Please, can we keep it together for like two minutes? I really need your help.

My sister's been kidnapped. God knows what she's going through right now. She's probably

absolutely terrified. And another thing! Whoever grabbed me and put me in that van has got

very rough hands. Would it k*ll you to moisturise just once before abducting someone, would

it? I'm going to say the same to you as I said to Torblin Dean when I caught one of

them weaned behind the bins at Claridge's. This is beneath all of us. On the plus side,

is this a bag for life? Well done, you, for not using plastics. Shut up. I need to do

something, but it's all going wrong. I mean, if Terry was here, it would be going a lot

worse, but at least I'd have someone to talk to about it, no? I'm here. You can talk to

me if that helps. What am I doing? I'm getting lost in the moment, aren't you? I'm a bloody

drape. I don't sit in pubs, crying about my kidnapped sister and getting seduced by

young taxi drivers. Oh, seduced? I don't think so. I was just holding your hand supportive

ly, that's all. Yeah, yeah, OK. Supportively. Nice try, Terrence, but I'm back in the game.

Which way did that van go? Look, I've been asking around, and I think I can help. The

van, those blokes, it might be a bit of a problem. From this local g*ng, they call...

The Thames 12? I was in that g*ng. Or maybe I was in another g*ng against that g*ng, or

maybe I made up the second g*ng, or maybe I was in the real one and the made up one.

The more I hear about this, the more it pulls me in. Take me there, Terrence. Try not to

seduce me on the way there, hmm? I'm coming. But when it comes to seduction, I must warn

you now, my attention can drift during sex, so best keep a good book by the bed until

I'm back with you. But first things first, we need to charge yourselves up. Ready, Mother?

This is where they keep all their stuff, so your sister might be with them.

We're the half caramel macchiato, half hazelnut latte, no firm whip honey and a large cup,

two lids not stirred. Got that? Yeah, she's there all right. I've been here before, although

that might have been a past life, so also I might have died here, if indeed I am alive

at all. What's it doing? The actual hell's walking? How lucky dare you! If you're going

to drag me anywhere, put the handsome one where I can smell him! Now! Monica! They've

got to, what can we do? It's time to raise the stakes a bit. Come on, get up. You're

playing fizzy hopscotch. No, it hurts. Of course it hurts. That's the entertainment.

I hate this. I hate you. I hate you. I thought we were mates. Buds, lads together. Hey, Buds,

I'd rather be anywhere than here. Really? Right. You could just walk out then. You're

kidding. There's got to be at least, what, 20 doors between us and three of them. I've

got keys. Keys? Yeah, look. I mean, they're made out of human teeth and bone, but I'm

a serial k*ller. I've got a brand to mainstain. Here, if you're not happy, take them. See

you later. Bloody hell. Thanks, Wally. Maybe I'm not as bad as everyone makes out. Apart

from the k*lling spree. You get going, mate. Give Gemma a hug from me when you see her.

Oh, for thanks. Forgot to say. Got the keys. Haven't got the alarm code. On the bright

side, we have both just tried an escape. Back to court we go. They do great biscuits. It'll

be a fun day out. And if you try and gag me again, I'll just eat through that one as well.

Shut up. Shut up. Why do you talk so much? Because I can. Because I want to. Because

I'm fascinating. You're going to die here. Oh, no, I won't. Because my sister will come

and find me. She's amazing. Unstoppable. And I probably don't tell her that enough. But

she will not rest until she finds me. She will haunt your every waking second when you

dream she'll be there too. Probably wearing a brown jumper that does nothing for a figure,

but she will be there. All right, have a quiet. Your sister is not coming to save you. Nobody

is coming to save you. You shouldn't have been asking questions, poking your nose into

things that don't concern you. Now, the boss is deciding what we do with you. But it ain't

going to be pretty.

Oh, no, no, no.

Monica, Monica, I'm over here. Oh, God, look at the state of you. Get some dry shampoo

before someone sees you. I was so worried. What took you so long? Honestly. Save the

gratitudes for later. Let's go. It's him. Gemma, he's part of it. He's with them. Ew,

Terrence. Oh, I doubt it. He is completely obsessed with me. I'm not. Yeah, come on,

Gemma, be realistic. But look, that photo over there. Gemma, look, I can explain. Everyone

hold their horses. Oh, look, do you have that g*n? Well, time is a fluid construct, Gemma.

We all have to ride on the back of the snail of history. But to answer your question, send

to the bar. Barry, just put a g*n down, yeah? Everyone put their g*ns down or he gets it.

Whatever it may be. What should we do? Don't sh**t. You'll rub his shots anyway. You'll

stand up it in me. Oh, my God. So it's true, you are part of all this? For that reason,

you must pay the ultimate price. As I consign you to join the heavenly energy swirl we all

must join, yet your time is now. And at my hand! Oh, for the love of God, everybody just

stop what you're doing. Barry's alive. You're all a bunch of idiots. Every last bloody one

of you. You lot should have k*lled her when you k*lled Harry. And you, Barry, should have

listened to me yesterday when I told you to leave all this alone. And I may have forgotten

what you said because I'm scared of your hair. Are you the Medusa that haunts my dreams?

Indeed, am I? Just shut up, Barry. You, Gemma, should have stayed up north, nursed your broken

heart and got on with your life. Oh, I don't give up that easily. See, I stand for truth.

I stand for justice. I'm sorry. I interrupted you. Carry on. And you, Terrence, what is

all this about? Helping them? I had to, Mum. Oh, God. She's his mum. This is tense. I love

it. Your time has come. And me and the g*ng, we had a meeting the other day. It's time

for some new management. What do you mean? You don't spare a thought for anyone that

works for us. Look at poor Christophe over there. You called him inept the other day.

That was very triggering for him. I had to do some de-escalation just to stop him from

defending to another g*ng. And he's not alone. Most of these boys have got very valid workplace

complaints that you were just simply not addressing. Like what? Pensions. Healthcare. The basics.

We need to move this g*ng forward. We need an HR department. Maybe even take the boys

on a company picnic. A company picnic? Are you soft in the head? We are murderers, thieves

and smugglers. Murderers, thieves and smugglers who are going straight to jail. Oh, really?

Well, aren't you looking pretty stupid? Because you're about to die. Well, I probably am.

But can I just ask you, why did you fake your death at all? Well, it turned out that Interpol

and various other authorities were after me, so it was time to disappear. And I thought,

why not get back at your precious Terry for leaving me while I did it? Oh. So you're perverting

the course of justice and attempting m*rder, but you haven't quite attempted the m*rder

yet, have you? What's going on here? Why aren't you scared? Because I've got you, Kerry. This

is what I do, catching criminals. Oh, really? Well, you are in my warehouse with my admittedly

reluctant workforce. But they're armed to the back teeth, and I've got a g*n pointed

at you right now. It's all true. But I've brought my own crew. Hiya! And I was a tour

guide long enough to know that every chance they get, they'll whip out their phones and

they will be filming everything they see. You getting all this, girls? Every word. I'm

streaming on Facebook Live. I'm on with Sky News now. We've gone global. You might want

to put the g*n down, Kerry Love. Looking pretty stupid. No! No, this is not how this ends!

Sorry, Mum, but, you know, business is business.

Gemma, I'm sorry for the lies. Your heart's in the right place. Shame you've got to go

to prison. Sadly not. You see, I've not actually committed any provable crimes other than to

highlight workplace inadequacies and attempt to improve employment conditions in an increasingly

competitive marketplace. Oh! Um... That was a moment we had in the bar there, wasn't it?

If you wanted to be, Gemma. Yeah. Anyway...

We won't see each other again, Gemma. Say hello to my dad from here. Who's your dad?

Look at you, Gemma, trying to have it off with your fiancee's son. Naughty, naughty. Wait, what?

Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

And so, in conclusion, you are cleared of the charge of m*rder due to your victims still being

alive. And as for the charge of your attempted escape, you are sentenced to time served and

may therefore leave this court a free man. And as for you, William Watkins... Oh, just stick it

on me tab, you weak-wearing little knacker. Go on. You can kiss you, Gemma. I don't think she

wants to. We've still got a lot... I want to.

I am so sorry. I didn't tell you all that stuff about me other life. I just wanted to think I was

a good man. You are a good man. In that case, I want to marry you as soon as possible. No

big wedding. Just you and me. Yeah. Together. Well, she could probably do that, can't you,

Wiggy? Well, I can, but it's most irregular. And do you, Tony Bremsworth, aka Terry Eustace

Bremer, take Gemma to be your lawfully wedded wife? I do, Your Honor. I hate never letting go.

And do you, Gemma Sharon Draper, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?

I do. It's taken bloody ages, but I bloody well do. Then I now pronounce you husband and wife.

Hi, I'm Gemma. You must be Terry, the new driver.

Well, what do you think?

What do you think? I'm doing this. A tarry-towling princess.

I'm gonna spend my whole life making sure a little bit of wee comes out with you every day.

Oh, Terry.

Are you ready for your wedding present now, Gemma? From you? Yeah.

Go on then. I set this whole thing up. Many years ago, I worked in London with the g*ng.

I joined just after Terry left. Oh, and, Kerry, she was livid that you'd done a runner,

wasn't she, Terry? When I met him, I knew who Terry really was. I, uh,

I didn't say anything. After you caught me, I called Kerry, told her where Terry was,

and I convinced her to fake her own death.

I just wanted Terry in prison with me. I thought it'd be a laugh to see him squirming. Dance!

But the thing about Kerry is that she's a bit of an arse. And what I mean is, she used to bite her

fingernails and leave the clippings outside my cell on the floor. And I don't like rudeness.

And so it was me that sent that photograph of all those people in the bar.

Because I decided I quite liked you, Gemma. I like how your mind works.

You never give up, and you see things through to the end.

I knew it would set you off on your journey to find out what was really going on.

So this, Gemma, was my wedding gift to you. I hope you like it. To think all this chaos

caused by just one phone call. Who knows, I might do something else like this again soon.

After all, I've got plenty of time, thanks to you. But have a great day, and a great life. For now.

Sorry, I'd like to go now. I've given me a big speech.

We'll be ready for him next time, though, won't we?

No, but at least we'll be unprepared together. That's how we tend to do things.

Every part of me needs to know every part of you.