01x12 - Find

[bunniefuu]

So please, until I move on...

Let's meet at our usual place.

Aw, shucks, don't stare.
You're making me nervous.

It's an audition, you idiot.

He's funny.

This audition is a joke.

Okay, anyone else?

Asa-chan!

Cool. You're up, Takumi-san.

Without you, Makio-chan, I probably
wouldn't have joined the band club.

I don't think so.

You made that decision yourself.

I think you would've arrived at that
no matter who you were with.

I wonder what Mom and Dad would have said.

I'm not sure.

Maybe give it some thought.

So I imagine...

Good grief. What did you do to your hair?

Well, just do what you want to do.

What would they have said today?

I still have no clue.

I guess you... stood out.

I didn't know you liked to stand out.

It means you've put in the work.

Is standing out a good thing?
Or is it a bad thing?

I dunno. I guess it feels wrong.

Like I'm just not the type.

What?! Your type?!

Who gives a crap about that?

I've carried a lot of regret about that.

I got so caught up in the labels
that before I knew it,

I lost sight of what I actually
wanted for myself.

I don't get any of it.

If anyone gives you a hard
time for standing out...

Give them hell.

I don't get that bit either.

But as long as I'm alive,
I might as well struggle.

I don't get what you're saying at all!

If I don't understand, I might as well...

I'm gonna sing!

Huh? Lunch?

I guess. With my mom.

Wha?

So that's why she isn't here.

They seem to get along.

Then wanna come over?

Sorry, I have plans.

Okay.

I'm bored.

Wow, I've passed this place so many times.

I never noticed it before.

It's so spacious and bright.

Isn't it?

It's a little on the loud side,
but there are always open tables.

The Hamburg steak sounds good.

It is. It's pretty beefy.

Beer...

Aren't daytime beers the best?

It's such a guilty pleasure.

I think I'll have one.

Oh man, then I'm in too.

I wish we'd stopped here when we
cleared out Asa's old place.

That must have been hard.

I guess.

How long did it take?

A week?

No, maybe a little longer.

I see.

Thinking back on it, I should've come
by your place too to introduce myself.

It didn't occur to me at the time.

You didn't need to do that.

I was pretty shaken back then myself.

Had I seen your face,
I might have burst out crying.

Because I resemble my sister?

Just your face.

"Just?"

It would've been like suddenly coming
face-to-face with the departed.

Like a kind of vertigo.

I think it might've scared me at the time.

Yeah...

I've been experiencing less
of that lately myself.

Although Asa might need more time.

Hello.

I just happened to be
in the area for a meeting.

I see. And I just happened to be
visiting someone in the hospital.

Then this was a series of coincidences.

Yeah. I'm glad I invited you here.

Indeed, this might've been
our only chance.

Er, I don't mean to imply
I'd rather not have come.

Don't worry. I know what you meant.

Who ordered the daily special?

Here.

You don't like sharing food?

Must make going out in groups hard.

Yes. Thankfully, my current
office is fairly laid-back.

But I had a lot of trouble in college.

Ah, college, of course.

All those get-togethers.

I've always hated being
pressured into drinking.

I hear you. They weren't my thing either.

I managed to brush it off,
but that doesn't seem your style either.

Exactly!

I'd end up getting upset
at people every time.

Eventually, no one invited me anymore.

Then I guess it worked out?

I'd say so.

I wasn't too happy about it back then.

But that sort of crowd
has always passed me over.

In a sense, I consider myself lucky.

As a bookworm who can't read the room.

"That sort of crowd"?

People who align
with male-centric rituals, I guess.

Those of you becoming second-years,
remember you're upperclassmen now.

You're the bridge between
the first-years and third-years.

- Not just in games,
but in everyday practice.

- Hey, where's Yoshimura?

- Beats me.

Make sure you're setting a
good example. That's all!

Yes, sir!

That reminds me of an interaction
I had with Asa-san.

During our meeting the other day,

she asked me how to become
the person she wants to be.

The person she wants to be?

Ah, sweet adolescence.

So, what'd you tell her?

Well, actually...

I didn't know what she meant.

So I said, "I don't understand."

Jeez!

What? Was that bad?

I mean, it's funny, I guess.

Funny?

Who you want to be, huh?

How should I have answered, do you think?

Hmm...

Who you want to be...

Of course.

I should have stayed
composed, just like that.

Always so cool and collected.

What? You mean me?

I'm not like that at all.

Oh, but you are.

I sure wish I were.

But if I honestly come off that way,
it might be because...

You know, what you said...

I hopped off that bandwagon.

What I said?

Male-centric rituals.

Or something like that.

Once I decided not to take part,

everything suddenly
started getting easier.

Who can do the scariest dare?

Who can objectify girls the most?

Who can gain the most
while trying the least?

Even though I was being crushed
by the pressure deep down,

I'd laugh it off.

That was the only crowd I knew.

So I clung for dear life
to keep my standing.

And all the while, I had the potential
to be anyone I wanted.

I didn't realize that game of chicken
was no real measure of my value.

Quit crying! You're a man!

So I jumped off the
bandwagon and ran away.

I think it finally made me human.
It gave me a backbone.

I'm fine with whatever you want.

I'll do what I want either way.

So you should do the same.

Since I spent so much time
adjusting myself to others,

I'm drawn to people who can't
help but do things their way.

People who are genuinely
true to themselves.

So that's where Koudai-san comes in!

Huh?

You meant Koudai-san, didn't you?

Well, yeah, but...

That makes total sense.

Let's grab daytime beers again sometime!

Of course.

Don't be a stranger.
Send Asa to spend the night anytime.

I want to help in any way I can.

Thank you.

I think...

It may take some time,

but bit by bit, she'll have
to figure things out on her own.

Arrive at her own answers.

I'm so glad.

For Asa-chan.

I'm so glad you're in her life.

Who she wants to be...

If Asa-san keeps grappling
with that question, I wonder

if she'll eventually become
cool and collected.

I'd certainly like to see that.

Right? I can't wait.

I found myself alone,
standing on an open page.

No matter where I look, I can't see.

There's no path, nor exit...

Am I being too loud?

No, I was just thinking how good you are.

You welcome love with open arms,
but compliments don't sit right?

I dunno.

Is that song for your band?

Yup, we perform the day
after opening ceremonies.

Your grand debut.

It's only for a little bit
during lunch and after school.

That's great.

Hey.

What?

About writing lyrics...

Yeah?

Why do you always perk up
when this comes up?

I love seeing people
try their hand at a new craft.

I don't get it.

Well?

How do I get better at it?

You know, I haven't, like,
totally given up on it.

Hmm... What if you tried writing
out your favorite lyrics?

Like copying sutras.

Sutras...

Oh, you've got your journal.

Why don't you try being
intentional with it?

Intentional how?

Um...

Hey, Makio-chan...

Remember when you told me that journal
entries don't have to be true?

Huh?

About my journal. A year ago.

I said that?

What?!

Oh, I did...?

I took that to heart, you know?!

Oh, then that's good, right?

You've ruined it now.

Like, imagine I royally screw up during
our band's street performance.

Don't say that. It's bad luck.

I'm just saying if...

Does that mean I could write in my
journal that I didn't screw up?

Huh? Hmm?

But if you ever read it back, wouldn't
that remind you of how you did screw up?

You're right.

I probably didn't mean that
you should write lies.

Hang on, did I really say you didn't
need to write the truth?

Pretty much.

If I had to guess, I think it
was less about what to write

and more about what not to write.

But who knows?

After all, I don't remember.

At the end of the day, as long as you're
not lying to yourself, it's probably fine.

That's weird. Isn't it bad to lie at all?

I make a living off of lying.

You weirdo!

Ugh, what if I screw up
during the performance?

Stop saying that.
Like I said, it's bad luck.

I only have vocal practice
today, so I won't be late.

All right.

Okay then, I'm off...

What's wrong?

Listen...

Do you think Mom's journal is all true?

What's wrong?

As if you'd ever answer
a question like that...

Huh?

Nothing. I'll never know anyway.

I'm off!

Have a good day.

I think...

It may take some time, but bit by bit,

she'll have to figure
things out on her own.

Arrive at her own answers.

I said that, but...

I wonder if those answers even exist.

Asa, your turn in the bath.

Asa? What are you doing?

Makio-chan, check it out.

Wow.

What's all this?

I thought I could make it my room.

Where'd you get it all?

Mostly the 100-yen store.

Except the lantern. That was kinda pricey.

I've been collecting stuff
little by little.

Oh, and I want to put a shelf
on the wall. Is that okay?

Oh, sure. Of course.

But I'm sorry.

That I don't have another bedroom.

That's okay. It is what it is.

Still, I'm impressed.

I know I said you could do
whatever you wanted,

but I didn't expect this.

It's your own palace.

Wait, are you going to sleep in here?

I thought about it,
but I can't stretch my legs out.

So I'll sleep out here like always.

Okay.

Why? Am I in the way?

I'm used to it.

I see. So this is how you find your
own way of life, piece by piece.

Huh? You're complicating things again.

Oh, and another thing I've
been thinking about...

How about if we make it their birthdays?

I mean for my mom and dad.

Their birthdays?

I don't really...

want it to be the day they d-died.

We're coming up on the anniversary
of your parents' death.

If you want to do something for it,
we'll fit that in too.

My mom and dad's birthdays were close,
so we always celebrated between them.

Apparently, that's how
they first got close.

Huh.

Sis was born on April 10th. And your Dad?

April 13th.

That is really close.

Yup.

I see.

What do you think?

Then let's do it on April 11th or 12th.

We'll get a nice cake and buy candles

to celebrate their birthdays together.

Yeah!

Say, this idea of yours...

I think it's brilliant. Really brilliant.

You mean it?!

Yeah, I do. Sincerely.

Yay!

Makio-chan?

Go on and take a bath.

I'll get dinner ready.

'Kay.

How strange...

I'm not even her parent.

If I keep giving water
to my own loneliness,

could a flower bloom
in the dead of night?

A train is arriving on platform 3.

For your safety, please stand
behind the yellow line.