01x05 - Stokers Unite!

[bunniefuu]

[somber music playing]

[Strider] When Chad didn't get into

the small dong nightclub,

he just disappeared.

I don't know where he went.

He fell off the map.

[man] Hey, man.

[Chad] What up, dude? Um

- Can I get a box of big-a*s Jimmies?

- [man] You mean condoms?

Yeah.

[register beeps]

[man] 5.03.

[clears throat]

Sorry, something just major happened.

You good, man?

My world was just turned upside down.

- Oh, sh*t.

- [Chad] Yeah.

- I'm sorry to hear that.

- Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

Um

So, I thought I had a small p*nis.

But I literally just found out

that I'm average size.

Isn't that a good thing?

Right, but I'm spearheading this movement

to end small-dong shame,

but now the whole small dong community

all think I have a small dong.

I feel like I'm kind of living a lie.

Like, I I

We're all living a lie.

It's just a matter

of how good you are at lying.

- For real?

- [man] Mm.

You gotta believe in yourself.

You look good. Look how you're dressed.

Look at your tuxedo, man.

So, what What are you

Should I tell the small dong community

the truth about my piece?

Well, you know

Keep the lie.

- [Chad] Keep lying?

- Keep lying.

All you're doing

is bringing them confidence.

Keep doing that.

So, just keep saying I have a small piece,

even though I'm average size?

- Yeah, thank you. What's your name?

- Bak.

- Bak, Chad.

- Nice to meet you.

- Dude, thank you.

- Absolutely, man.

[theme music playing]

[anchor] 106.7 KROQ.

The Party Bros are now in our studio.

You're actually trying right now

to bring attention to small dongs.

Correct. Yeah.

It's a new movement we started.

We're super passionate about it.

And we're having a small-dong march,

uh, coming up this Saturday at 10:00 a.m.

in Pershing Square.

What are you hoping

to get out of this, JT?

Um, I'm just hoping that people

will no longer live in fear

of what could be found out.

I hope that people

will just own who they are.

Because I'm I'm actually surprised, like.

A lot of people are scared to come

because they don't want

people to find out they have small dongs.

Here's the thing.

The truth always comes out.

You can't hide from your truth.

- And so

- Beautiful.

Rather than running

from whatever you're packing,

you just got to own it.

You gotta own it

because it's destined to be known.

[somber music playing]

[woman] Welcome to Del Taco.

Can I help you?

Can I get some fries and some advice?

[woman] I'm sorry, what is that?

I'm high-up in the small dong movement,

but here's the thing,

I just found out I'm medium.

[woman] You just found out

that you're Armenian?

Medium-sized. Yeah.

[woman] You need a medium diet?

No, I'm talking about my hog.

So, we have a small dong march tomorrow.

The thing is, if I show up,

I'd be a false prophet, essentially.

You think they're gonna hate me?

[woman] Yes.

Yeah, you're right.

[woman] Can you come to the window?

Yeah, for sure.

[car revving]

On the day of the march,

I had a big apple in my throat.

A fat apple in there.

[crowd chanting] End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

End small dong shame!

[man] These guys saying,

"End small d*ck shame."

They proud of their little dicks.

[Kevin] I don't know

What I've been told! ♪

[crowd] I don't know

What I've been told! ♪

[Kevin] But tiny dongs

Are mighty bold! ♪

[crowd] Tiny dongs are mighty bold! ♪

- Eh-oh! ♪

- [crowd] Eh-oh! ♪

- [Kevin] Eh-oh! ♪

- [crowd] Eh-oh! ♪

[chanting] Motion of the ocean!

Motion of the ocean!

[chanting] Pene pequeño! Pene pequeño!

Pene pequeño! Pene pequeño!

And the thing was,

we have this epic moment,

and Chad's nowhere to be found.

- Have you seen Chad?

- No, I haven't.

I wonder where he is.

[chanting] Hey-hey, h*-h*!

Small-dong shame has got to go!

[chanting] Hey-hey, h*-h*!

Small-dong shame has got to go!

[chanting] Hey-hey, h*-h*

If he doesn't show up,

you'll have to do your speech alone.

Yes.

Yeah, I'll do it alone.

Typically, Chad goes up, sets the table,

and then JT can follow up

and hammer it home.

- [chanting] Little dicks!

- I can do it alone.

Knowing that he had to go it alone,

he was visibly shook.

[suspenseful music playing]

Where is Chad? He's not here yet.

- I don't know where he's at.

- [Monica] You don't see him out there?

- [JT] No.

- So, what are you gonna do?

I got to give this speech by myself.

- I think you should, honey.

- You think I can?

Yeah. Of course you can!

- Thanks, Mom.

- You're gonna k*ll it.

You're gonna do fine.

It'd be nice if he was here, but hey

- It'd be nice.

- You have to take over.

Chad, bro. What up, dude?

You missed the march, bro.

Hey, uh

I thought maybe I could

sit this one out, you know.

"Sit it out"? You gotta

get up and give a speech, dude.

I found out I have an average-sized dong.

Okay.

Will you still love me

if the speech goes bad?

Honey, I love you no matter what, but

I know you're gonna do amazing. [kisses]

I believe I believe in you.

You can do this.

Look, bro,

I get how you can

be down about that. I do.

But, dude

Take a look around you right now.

Look at everything you've accomplished.

- Maybe I am perfect with a little d*ck.

- There you are. That's the attitude.

- Does Dad have a little d*ck?

- [laughs] Do I have to answer that?

It's up to you.

- I would say it's average. Yeah.

- That makes sense.

Uh-huh.

Yeah.

I like my little d*ck, bro.

Because of you, dude.

- For real?

- For real, you know.

I am freaking fired up right now, dude,

because you had my back.

Everyone here right now

is having your back.

And it's your turn

to get up on that stage, dude,

and own your truth, bro.

I appreesh, dude, but I

- This is your guys' event.

- No, dude. No, dude.

This is our event, bro.

And that's your stage, so get up there

and f*cking beast that speech, dude!

It's what you do, bro.

All right.

- [Chad] For you, I'm gonna do it.

- Thank you, bro.

- Thank you.

- [Chad] Thank you, man.

- f*cking legend.

- All right.

Oh, there's Chad.

- Oh, amor, he's here.

- [JT] Chad!

Chad!

What up, dudes?

[audience cheering]

[Chad] Sorry I'm late.

I'm so stoked to see you all out here,

helping to end

small-dong shame once and for all.

Thank you for supporting this great cause.

A big shout out to JT's mom

for paying for this whole thing.

- The stage is incredible.

- [audience cheering]

Oh, yeah.

I have a confession to make.

I don't have a small dong.

The other night, an expert

A bouncer measured my hog

and told me

that I have an average-sized ding.

I guess you're supposed to measure

from the base.

Ever since that night,

I felt like a fraud.

I wish to God that I had a small dong,

but I don't.

I was debating

not even coming tonight, like

But then, a wise friend of mine

told me something that really fired me up.

Look around you.

There's bros out here with small dongs,

bros out here with large dongs,

and even bros out here with no dongs.

What up?

And just because my p*nis

is bigger than I'd prefer

does not mean I cannot still come out here

and fight with you

to end small-dong shame once and for all!

[cheering]

To say to the world in one clear voice,

"We will not go quietly into the night!"

[cheering]

[Chad] We will not vanish without a fight!

We're gonna live on.

We're gonna survive.

Today we celebrate

Small Dong Independence Day.

[cheering]

[man] We love you, man!

That was great.

- Yeah, it was good.

- Yeah.

[cheering]

Here in LA this week,

there was a small dong march.

- [woman] How many people showed up?

- [man] A lot. A lot. A lot.

It went viral immediately.

So many eyes were on that.

That's what social media is.

You can find your tribe. [laughs]

I guarantee all you people

met on some online site somewhere.

We all knew what it meant. It meant,

"Hell, yeah. I got a small-a*s d*ck."

[Klein] When The Party Bros asked if they

could come hang in the studio last week,

and they were announcing

the small dong march,

I couldn't believe it happened.

The response was amazing.

I do think it made a difference.

I was so proud.

I have so many questions.

Like, I mean, if you have a tiny p*nis,

is the thing you really want to do,

raise awareness?

[audience clapping]

What's up, boys?

I wanted to congratulate you

on your small dong march.

I love it. I think it's amazing.

I can relate to it, um

but the bad news is,

I don't think the club is gonna go for it.

I don't think they can relate to it.

Um, so if there's any way you guys could

do one more big piece of activism,

um, something more global,

something they can understand,

something they can get behind,

maybe I could go back and talk to them

and see if there's a way

I could get you guys re-invited.

Hope to see you soon. Much love.

[soft piano playing]

[seagulls cooing]

[Strider] That stung for Chad and JT.

To have this big, huge moment, dude.

A march downtown for small dongs.

And for that to still not be enough

to get re-invited,

it's tough to come back

from that borders thing, man.

So they had to go deep.

With time and options running out,

they paid a trip

to their guru, Troy, for guidance.

By the way, Troy's the dude

who introduced them to perineum sunning.

I think we need to find an activist cause

that will resonate with everyone.

I've got the perfect thing for you.

Get you out of the monkey mind,

light the inner fire,

get the chi channeling through,

and then the cause will be revealed.

- [JT] Let's go.

- I promise you.

- Stokers unite! Bam!

- Dude.

[Troy] This is called the zen swing.

It moves every joint in the body,

and then, like water on granite,

this will dissolve stone.

[breathing fast]

[exhaling]

Don't think about it. Just get right in.

[Chad] Whoo!

- Yeah!

- [clapping]

[Chad] Troy!

This is gonna clear the dome piece.

So the ideas from the ideasphere

are gonna channel through you.

All will be revealed.

[chuckles]

[Chad] Oh, dude, you look ripped.

I am f*cking ripped. [grunts]

[Troy] Yeah.

[breathing heavily]

Clear that dome piece.

Close your eyes and mouth.

In through the nose. Close your eyes.

Breathe into your ba*ls.

[inhales]

[exhales]

[exhaling]

I'm not sure how this

is gonna help us find our cause,

but I trust the process.

It's gonna clear the channels.

Then the third eye is gonna beam up,

you're gonna get

the transmission down from God.

And you're gonna go out and create

exactly what the people need.

- Heal the people.

- Hell, yeah.

[shouts] Ah!

- [Troy] You gotta breathe.

- I'll try again. I got it.

- Breathe!

- [shouts]

[shouts]

- [exhales]

- [shouts]

[grunting]

[grunts]

Tuck the tail so you bring the energy

up into the kidneys.

If that's too much,

just try and knead them.

- [grunts]

- Knead them or roll them.

[breathing heavily]

I've seen these Japanese chicks

jump on this Asian guy's ba*ls.

- So I think the body can handle anything.

- Dude, hell yeah.

Okay, guys, this is known as hapé.

[Troy] Sho, sho, sho.

This is not child's play.

Hold on, I don't think you got any.

I forgot to load it. Here we go.

- [coughs]

- Sho, sho, sho, sho.

Oh!

[JT] Chad, how do you feel?

Did you discover any causes yet?

Um

No.

This is psilocybin mushrooms.

It's been said

they found these on asteroids,

and it's connected to everything.

So your dome piece will be connected

to the mycelium network everywhere.

You're going for the hero's journey

this time.

I gotta find this cause.

Then I'm gonna point you guys that way,

to the mountains.

And you come back

when you have the answer.

[dramatic music playing]

[music stops]

[woman] Uh, the first speaker is JT Parr.

What up, council?

My name is JT Parr.

And yesterday, I did, uh, mushrooms

with my dog, Chad.

And we accessed

new levels of communication,

not just with people,

but also with the Earth.

During the trip, we specifically

communicated with the trees.

The trees informed me

that the Amazon is in trouble.

The Amazon is a big rainforest,

and great swaths of it

are being cut and burned down,

which is why my dog and I

will be shaving a strip

down the middle of our heads

to bring awareness

to deforestation in the Amazon.

Like a reverse Mohawk,

infused with meaning.

We invite you to do the same

and take a stand.

If enough people see our weird appearance,

maybe they'll be motivated

to finally do what is necessary

to protect our plants and our Earth.

Thank you.

[woman] Okay.

The next speaker is Chad Kroeger.

[clears throat]

Uh, what up, council? I

This is the first I'm hearing

about the head-shaving thing.

Um

I also took mushrooms

and spoke with the trees,

but they kind of told me

to plant more avocado trees, so

Uh, yeah, maybe we just do that instead.

I don't think, uh, the trees

would want us to look like renobs.

"Renob" is "b*ner" backwards. Um

Yeah, I think the city

should plant more avocado trees.

So, uh,

are you down with that, instead

of the head-shave?

[man] Thank you for your comments.

[Chad] All right. Late.

What up, everybody?

This is JT Parr,

and I'm doing the Amazon rainforest

head-shave challenge.

I challenge Chad Kroeger.

[upbeat music playing]

[Cheslie] The haircut. This is new.

This is different. What's going on?

It's actually our new cause

that we're super stoked on.

We decided to shave a line

down the middle of our domes

to bring awareness to deforestation

in this place called

the Amazon rainforest.

I thought we'd both do it.

I was gonna do it, but I thought,

"Maybe my dome represents

the potential abundance

and beauty of the Amazon.

Wow.

And JT's represents the inevitable bummer

that'll occur if we don't

put an end to it.

[Cheslie] Do you follow that?

You gotta love these guys.

- I thought that went well.

- Yeah, it went good.

- Wanna get fish tacos?

- Sure.

Just to be safe,

if we make plans to go to Pedro's

and I show up there, will you be there?

Or will I have to eat fish tacos

alone on national TV?

What?

Just to be sure.

I'm just used to my best friends

falling through on their commitments.

- You all right, man?

- Yeah, I'm good.

[phone dings]

[phone dings]

Oh, dude!

Dude!

Zedd loved the head-shave.

We got the invite to the Vegas rager!

That's sick.

[somber music playing]

[theme music playing]