01x01 - The Unusual Team/Wafa

[bunniefuu]

"I am a witch."

"My eyes cast black magic."

"I wander in the darkness of night."

"My aura will instil fear in you."

"Witch.

- It's my reincarnation."

"Witch.

- It's the end of your story."

'CHURAILS'

1. FIDELITY

'Once upon a time,

a lawyer, a boxer,'

'Once upon a time,

a lawyer, a boxer,'

'a wedding planner and a

m*rder*r got together.'

'And they realised'

'that all their lives,

they'd been mannequins.'

'Mannequins'

'clothed in your honour,

for your honour.'

Your honour can go f*ck

Watch your tongue, ma'am.

No, madam. Tell us the full story

From the beginning

In order.

Okay, mom.

- Here have this.

Make sure you finish it!

Dad, I'm leaving.

- Hold on.

Wait for your brother.

Come on, dad.

I'm just going to college.

And sending Munna as my

bodyguard everyday

it looks cheap.

And I'm wearing a burka.

So, what's the problem?

'On one hand, my dad's sandal.'

It looks cheap? Shameless girl!

Want to tarnish my reputation!

- 'Size 11.'

'On the other hand,

this 11 year old bull!'

'Munna by name,

my brother by relation.'

Dad, do you know what sis

does after college?

'And by profession'

'my bodyguard and blackmailer.'

Dad, sis attends tuition after

college and works really hard.

That's why she comes home late.

Mirza Asadullah Khan Ghalib

was a prominent poet

of the subcontinent.

Ghalib lost his parents

at a very young age.

He was raised by his uncle,

Mirza Nasrullah Baig.

But when he was 8,

even his uncle passed away.

Nawab Ahmed Baksh Khan had

fixed an allowance

for Ghalib's family

with the British.

Oh my God!

Zubaida!

'The witch that lives inside me'

Zubaida, don't do this!

'Has always been slightly

out of control.'

'And why wouldn't she be?'

'Girl. Poor.'

'And if that wasn't enough,

they named me Zubaida.'

'Of all the names in the world'

'Zubaida!'

Oh my! Dongle 420!

Oh wow!

Six pack. Oh God!

"Those were the days;

We would count coins!"

"We'd smoke cigarettes"

"We didn't have a care in

the world"

"I teach everyone a lesson,

I'll bury them!"

"I am like the crocodile

in a cat fight"

"I indulge in hanky panky,

don't be so sentimental!"

'Here, Zubaida would tear into

the poor punching bag'

'And on the other side

of the bridge'

Stop! Sameer!

Okay, come on, Sameer.

Here, sweetie.

I don't want, mommy.

Breakfast

Breakfast is the most important

meal of the day.

Morning, guys.

Morning.

- Hey there, buddy. How you doing?

Morning!

- Dad, stop! Dad.

Hey, sweetheart. How you doing?

What you up to?

Morning.

- Morning.

We need to do something

about the garden.

Oh, I'm on it.

I have shortlisted five gardeners.

They'll be here for an

interview tomorrow.

But please Jamil,

be nice to who we hire.

If they work properly.

Grace!

Grace!

Can you take this please? Thank you.

Listen,

do you want anything from New York?

Barneys? Bergdorf?

You fly tonight!

I didn't put it in my calendar.

I'll pack your navy blue pinstripe

and tangerine tie, yeah?

You know I love you.

- Of course I do.

Ew! Yucky, daddy.

You're yucky!

Hey! Don't do that. Stop!

- You guys!

Please. - Stop, the lot of you!

Stop it, right now.

Leave it, Jamil.

- Now.

This is our home.

It's not a pigsty

where dirty, filthy

- Please.

And you!

You're supposed to lead by example.

Kiddos, you know I love you.

But we've to be the best

versions of ourselves.

Right?

"Keep flying, without a care"

Sameer, behave yourself.

- Mila!

Mila, he's pulling off my glasses.

What's going on? Enough!

Chocolate.

Mummy, you always say

that we can't have chocolate

in the morning. - Well

Mummies get a free pass sometimes.

You're supposed to lead by example.

When you pop three monkeys

out of your tummy

then we'll talk.

Mummy.

- But I'm a boy.

I can't.

- Yes, dear?

Akbar told me

that babies don't come

out of mummy's tummy.

You push them from the

We cannot suspend a child

on that basis alone

Mrs Khan.

- Last week

told Amal that a boy's 'nony'

is called a p*nis.

I mean, we didn't know it was

called a p*nis up until

Times are changing, Mrs. Khan!

We actually encourage parents

to use the correct biological

terminology with the children.

This is highly inappropriate.

Please. I need you to bring Akbar

and his hippie parents in

so we can have a meeting. - This

is no legal matter, Mrs. Khan.

And even if it was

it's not like you're a practising

lawyer anymore.

Go home. Relax.

Take up knitting.

It can be very therapeutic.

'Asking a full time mother,

who left her career for her kids'

'to take up knitting, is wrong.'

I'm so sorry. I'm really so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

- Crazy b*tch!

So we've Amal's piano

lessons on Monday

Salaar's karate,

and Sameer's English tuition.

Thank God they don't press charges,

or suspend children.

IN TAGALOG Control your rage or

it'll control you. - Yes, yes.

Putting aside your perfectly

nice family

Was this your idea or

somebody else's?

Boss, when you do this heavy

duty work yourself

something tingles inside me.

- Shut your mouth, Dilbar.

These? What are these?

I said purple dendrobiums

with green carnations.

I even sent the pictures

from Pinterest.

What flowers are these?

Hydrangeas.

- What?

Jugnu, madam!

Crap.

Imported from Singapore.

We got a great deal.

I'm only getting married once.

Lifetime marriage.

I don't want cheap deals.

I want something meaningful.

Mummy, say something!

My baby wants soul!

Aunty

Hydrangeas ooze soul.

Carnations represent weakness.

You want your lifetime marriage

to be strong, don't you?

Obviously! - Then why would you

on the very first day

I mean, it's okay, I can um

Have carnations delivered

in two hours.

It's not a big deal.

- No, this is fine.

Sure? Because I could fill this

place up with carnations.

We want hydrangeas. Right, mummy?

Yes, sure.

- Yeah, we're fine.

Okay, great then.

Go get your Sabya on.

f*cking soul.

Yes boys, what's the scene?

"The boy is a bit offbeat"

"But he is very sweet with

girls."

"He is insolent, and a fraud,

this tweet has gone viral."

"But you are a sharp knife,

good at making fools"

"We have made preparations

for your wedding."

"Everyone is dancing, and

rejoicing together"

"Everyone is dancing, and

rejoicing together"

"Live it up!"

Boss

Congratulations.

After this one,

we complete our hundred events.

We should celebrate

Golden, silver jubilee type.

We hit a hundred.

Feels like yesterday we were

having our first wedding!

"He is insolent, and a fraud;

This tweet has gone viral."

"But you are a sharp knife,

good at making fools"

Don't put your mouth to it.

"Everyone is dancing, and

rejoicing together"

'f*cking hydrangeas.'

'Five years ago,

I'd an eighty percent share'

'of Karachi's wedding market.'

'Then I got so distracted

by my marital issues'

'that the gays in this city took

over most of my business.'

'And whatever little

was left of it'

'I dropped a chandelier

on it myself.'

How do the January bookings

look like?

We've the Jofas right after

Christmas. - And?

Durranis confirmed for January? No?

Yes, I was about to inform you.

I called them for the advance

but they've decided to

go with Ro and h*.

Ro and h*!

Ro and bloody

I hate them.

- Yep.

f*cked by fairies.

Story of my life.

Jugnu,

the finances aren't looking good.

Fight stand! One, two

Three, four, five

Six, seven, eight

Nine, ten, eleven

Twelve, thirteen, fourteen

Fifteen, sixteen.

- Upper cut, baby! Upper cut!

Oh, thank you.

Didn't they've those

you know,

the chocolatey flakey things?

Okay, never mind!

He can do better, right?

I mean, I know he's my son.

And he's just seven,

but check out his forearm block.

You can do better!

Salaar, I know you can do better.

He can do better.

Only if I was a bloody g*y man.

All my money worries

would be sorted.

You know,

everything is going so smoothly.

Which is great.

But I have so much time on my hands.

Jamil is never home.

So I was thinking

that I should start practising

law again.

I had to fire everyone.

I'll have to leave the club too.

But I'll miss being all this.

I'm so resourceful.

And I can multi-task. I should.

Break the board, Salaar!

Come on!

I should just move to Islamabad.

Start afresh.

I should talk to Jamil.

Yes, I should tell him

that I want to do something new.

I want to achieve something

new in life.

Break the damn wood, Salaar!

He's done better. He's done better.

Jamil is crazy about you, okay?

Talk to him, he will understand.

And you go do you.

Find yourself that courtroom,

and do

'Objection, Your Honour, and'

'Ooh, milord!'

We don't do, 'Ooh, milord'.

- Really, sweetie?

I think that is the real issue then.

Listen, Islamabad is for

socially awkward freaks.

And you're Queen Jugnu, man.

If you k*lled ten people at

the wedding, almost

They didn't really die!

People will get over it.

Don't worry about it.

You are right.

I am the Queen.

Jugnu Chaudhary is the Queen

of this whole damn jungle.

This sh*t isn't working!

Come on, baby!

You can do it, honey!

So your friend was after money

What were you after?

I love those earrings on you.

- Thanks.

You got them.

- I know.

That's why I love them.

I was Thank you for entertaining

Shanwari at the party today.

Due to your irresistible charm,

he'll now invest in my campaign.

You're the perfect wife.

'Perfect wife.'

'f*ck you, perfect wife.'

After this campaign stuff is done

let's go on a holiday. You and me?

We'll leave the kids with mummy.

Capri?

I was thinking,

I should start working again.

Work?

What do you mean work?

You've not worked in years.

Yes, that is why

I was just being anxious.

- Are you unhappy?

No, of course I'm happy, silly.

I'm just happy anxious!

If it's because of that principal

then the b*tch totally deserved it.

Plus we're in the clear,

so there's nothing to worry about.

It's not that.

What is it then? I am here.

Yes, you are.

But I don't think I'm fully here.

I mean, it's just an idea.

But it'll be nice, using my skills

to excel in something else.

Push my boundaries.

Push your boundaries as what?

Who'll hire you?

You know what I mean.

I am a qualified lawyer.

Yes, but you're

You're rusty.

And family law, is it even law?

Work in an NGO

Part-time. You know, baby steps.

Yeah, you're right.

Part time NGO sounds good.

'This is what it boils down to.'

'Soft. Mouldable.'

'Colourful.'

'Shape us as you deem fit.'

And to make the lives of these elite

types even more colourful

you jumped right in.

As if we didn't have

enough thieves and junkies

in the building

Now even murderers are going

be our neighbours!

They should have hung her.

Bloody witch!

'This little devil

was spying on us.'

'Looks like he's an informant

for the police.'

'We have to get out of here.'

'And before going,'

'we'll need to get rid of him.'

'Make sure they don't escape.'

'I was all set to end things'

'But right then'

'My f*cking caseworker

made her entry.'

She lives alone.

No husband or children.

You won't have much work to do.

It's very hot,

may I get a glass of water?

'Who doesn't love a second chance?'

'Fate, boss.'

'Fate.'

"Surrounded in smoke, where are

you off to?"

"No one is listening to you"

I'm Batool. You needed a maid?

"Am I thinking, or have

I lost it?"

"Dawn in darkness;

What are you saying?"

"If you are crazy.?"

I can't iron clothes.

Cut some amount from my pay.

It's fine.

There is that bag over there.

I took some old clothes out for you,

take them.

No need.

You hired someone like me,

that's more than enough.

Someone like you comes cheap.

Cut the amount from my pay.

How does it feel

To be free?

You thought I was free?

There are vacant rooms in the house.

If you want, you can stay here.

I'll think about it.

Alright, think about it.

Good night.

b*tch.

"I manage to read

your eyes."

"I steal everyday, and

sing songs."

"Sometimes I just throw

my heart away"

"I bathe in tears"

"I flow like the wind at night."

"We'll have to fool mother

today"

Did you have sex with her?

Speak!

- No, sir. I

I respect her a lot. I wouldn't

- You respect her?

That's why you sent her naked

pictures on Tinder, m*therf*cker!

Not naked, sir.

Topless.

This is their doing.

It was all their plan!

Come here!

Hey!

You keep this

for your safety.

If I say something

I don't know what you'll

think of me.

What will I think?

You're lovely.

You'll always stay lovely.

You can tell me anything.

I want to be a boxer.

Boxer? Like Muhammad Ali?

- Yes.

When those gloves are on my hands

and I'm throwing punches

I have never felt more alive.

Even I do something that

make me feel alive.

I hack accounts

Over the Internet. Online.

I crack people's passwords and I

browse their internet history

Sorry, I

I know this is not right.

Why do you do it?

Honestly, I'm damn good at it.

But also,

because it gives me meaning.

It feels good connecting to

these random strangers.

But I never misuse

their information.

I just use what I know of

them to say things

that will make their

pain a little less.

Wow, biceps!

You turned out to be even

more messed up than me.

If I offended you

- No.

You didn't.

Close your eyes.

- Hmm?

Close your eyes!

Imagine my face

Swollen.

Maybe a tooth missing

Wounded

Will you still find me lovely?

Yes, absolutely.

Awesome.

'Ninja.'

'Witch.'

'First rule of boxing.'

One, two.

'Never underestimate your opponent.'

You sl*t!

- What are you doing?

You've shown your true colours!

Show it. - Let me go, dad.

No.

- Let it go!

Dad, don't.

Let go.

Showing your worth.

'I spent my week's tuition money

to pay for new gloves.'

'My brother missed out on his bribe'

'and took revenge.'

What is this?

Where are you going?

Come here!

Where are you taking the phone?

Give it to me.

Give it to me!

- Dad.

Dad, give me my phone!

- Let it go! Let go!

What's in it?

Dad, my phone.

- What's the password?

Give the password!

- Come on!

Give it!

"Send all pictures to printer."

Munna! Come here.

Explain this to me.

This monkey it's being shy.

And this is aubergine.

- Aubergine?

And these eyes that are staring

and these sweat beads.

Sis is trying to say that

she's very shy

but looking at his aubergine

is making her sweat.

What nonsense are you talking!

- Oh God!

Check the photo gallery. You'll

understand everything. - You dog!

What is it?

- You wh*re!

'Second rule of boxing.'

'Find a way to keep breathing.'

Go to hell!

- Take this!

Get lost!

'Who knew'

'that the murderous witch,

would be my guardian angel.'

'As mothers we often encourage

our sons to create the world.'

'But never wonder'

'how our daughters will

survive in that world.'

Hi.

"You, who stay awake

at nights"

"Why do you hesitate to

let us fall asleep?"

"Whenever we come in

front of you"

"We are not djinns."

Looks like we're having a party.

From Larkana to LA

75 women got dirty

messages from him.

Huh

- Seventy five!

And in the last three months

20 girls sent him their pictures.

Nudes?

- Some.

That means one third

of my entire life

has been a complete lie?

That's like 33 percent

- Why are you doing so much math?

What?

- Your kids are not a lie!

They're beautiful and you love them.

Salaar and Sameer will probably

grow up to be like Jamil.

Cheating rascals!

And Amal will turn out like me.

She won't even know what's happening

right under her nose.

Honey, you're grieving.

You need to mourn.

Moan? Why should I moan?

Mourn, not moan.

But you could moan too,

if that's what you want.

I don't want to mourn. I want

Do you remember Sabeeka?

Her husband was caught cheating

last month. - Oh, that.

Humaira, Zulekha

Annie, Aliya

That's like five names in the

last - No more maths.

All the wives brush it

under the carpet.

All pretending to be

happily married.

So many men, and no punishment?

There should be some kind

of payback. - Payback?

Yeah! Like a compensation.

'Sorry, wifey.

My p*nis lost its way home'

'and I owe you for the

rest of my life.'

First of all,

any man who is cheating

will never admit to it.

- Unless we catch him red-handed.

How will we do that?

What's the plan?

Will we follow them with binoculars?

What?!

That's it!

That's what we'll do.

For f*ck sake! You've gone nuts.

You need to stop.

This is the hash talking, not you.

No, no, this is me talking.

The me inside me is talking!

Let's do it.

Let's grab these men by the ba*ls.

I love ball grabbing.

But, honey, you're not serious.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

- I'm so sorry.

Did you like it?

Yeah.

Hold it.

But, I

- Go for it.

Go for it. Come on, come on!

Yes! Go, go!

Yes!

Brilliant.

Yay!

Are you having fun?

- Yeah!

Is everything alright, ma'am?

Yes, all good. You go.

I need some water for Zubaida.

Shall I mop?

Who is this Zubaida?

And what is she doing in my house?

Her father beat her up.

Had to bring her here.

So

- See this is what I'm saying!

Sometimes fathers,

sometimes husbands!

You need to stop talking this

moment. - Who are you?

Who's she? - My maid. I told you!

She just got released from prison.

What were you in for?

- m*rder.

Whose?

There was a b*stard who needed

to be taught a lesson.

Go from here.

- See!

This is what I'm saying!

- You need to stop saying that.

Should I mop? - No man,

I don't want anything mopped! Go!

What's wrong with you?

Can we trust them?

With what?

One has k*lled, and the other

one was about to get k*lled.

Exactly.

Aren't they just so perfect?

Enough, Sara.

You need to stop smoking this, okay.

What?

Wha Sa What the

Sara!

Were you all high?

That wasn't it.

After a long time

I finally had clarity

about everything.

If a crime isn't ill*gal per se,

is it not a crime?

Does it not require justice?

If you suspect that your husband

is cheating on you

and you want proof, you call us.

Pay us according to your means

and leave the entire

investigation to us.

Investigation?

Count me in, ma'am.

You hold it, Phoolan!

And you have gone mad.

The grief has driven you mad!

Listen, I am talking big money here.

This could be an end to all

your financial troubles.

Give me the joint.

You think desperate housewives

of Karachi

will spend money on this?

They spend money on Botox,

lawn and jewellery!

But now they'll spend it on this.

When we give them concrete proof

of their spouse's infidelities.

Trust me.

Bigger divorce settlements

mean more lawn,

more Botox, more jewellery!

And with what we earn from these

cases, we can help

the more vulnerable women.

Those who get harassed and

abused on a daily basis.

No one thinks about them.

Not even the police but we will!

- But for this

you need money

computers for spying

cameras,

where will all of that come from?

We'll figure that out too.

All figured out!

Larkana to LA!

No.

- Yes, yes, yes baby!

No.

- If we're going to do this

we've to do it whole-heartedly.

Okay?

You will have to go to your husband.

I don't want to involve him.

I don't want him to know all this.

He's not going to know anything!

Because Miss Innocent

will turn naughty

by opening up a 'niqaab' shop.

That's a 'burka', sweetie.

Whatever,

keep up with the programme.

Yeah?

'Either fate had brought us together

under one roof for a reason'

What? - 'Or it was that magical

spliff in our hands.'

Whatever.

- 'But that was the moment'

'when we transformed into

some other creatures.'

'Churails' (Witches)?

Yes!

Good morning!

- Morning, darling.

Where are the kids?

I sent them out with Mila.

I was telling the boys last night

that my wife makes the best

What

Listen to me, babe.

Oh no.

You listen, babe.

You'll stay in this house,

but will move to the guest room.

And the empty commercial building,

that's in your name

You'll hand that to me.

From that building,

I'll start my business

that you'll also fund for me.

What kind of business?

Jugnu and I will open a boutique.

In return, you can run your

campaign peacefully.

For the world, you'll stay my

husband. I, your perfect wife.

Who provides wholesome clothing

to other perfect wives.

Are you seriously going to

blackmail your husband?

It's tasty! Have it!

How can we trust him?

Trust takes time, boss.

But

Phone.

This is my

How?

You won't find a hacker

as good as me.

He's mine. He won't break our trust.

Boss.

Not my place to say, but

What if this creates a ruckus?

We'll only be helping women, Dilbar.

How will that create trouble?

Where are the arms?

Oh, this with the summer stuff

Here.

'Perhaps we were fooling ourselves.'

- Have a good day, okay?

Run along.

- 'But those early days'

'It was the happiest any of us

had been in a long time.'

"What am I doing?"

"I slept off on the shores?"

"What is the fear about?"

"I've been to the graves!"

And you didn't see the danger

that was coming your way?

Someone died because of you, madam.

And now,

someone from your group is missing.

Kidnapped on your watch!

"What am I doing?"

"I slept off on the shores."

"Why am I scared?"

"I have been to graves."

"The stars have spoken."

"One more!"

"What am I doing?"

"The sceneries have seen!"

"What am I doing?"

"The graves have seen."

"The stars have spoken.

more!"