03x05 - Robots with Benefits/The Weird Kid

[bunniefuu]

What should we do for lunch?

How about that
Salad-on-A-Stick place?

Can't we do something normal,
like Diarrhea Dan's Tripe Troff?

I have a coupon for
General Tso's Clam Shack.

A Tuesday in Clam-vember?

We'll never get in.

There's only one
way to settle this.

Recklessly.

It's tripe time.

Whooooa!

Oh!

Whoo!

Wha!

The hell are you doing?

Job stuff?

Gather round. I have
announcement to make!

Is it about the robot
under the sheet?

When you went to the bathroom,
we all looked under the sheet.

Whatever. You ruin
your surprise.

Obo is activated.

Obo here to help.

He is part of new
Plugger-Inners project.

Manual says he learns
at geometric rate.

Greetings, new coworkers.

You take him on installs
and show him how to do job.

How can Obo help you?

Let's ask it a tough question.

Obo, what time is it?

Ow!

What is this
interpersonal exchange?

Sorry, that's what we do when
he makes stupid comments.

Understood.

It is 11:08 A.M.

Current temperature
is 71 degrees.

Fahrenheit or Celsius?

Oh! He does learn fast!

Dude sounds like a
friggin' nerd, though.

Obo is sorry.

Obo will learn
from new coworkers.

Oh! Dude sounds like a friggin' nerd, though.
Oh! Dude sounds like a friggin' nerd, though.

What's up? Let's install
some TVs, my dudes.

We're called the Plugger-Inners,

but the job is more complicated

than just plugging stuff in.

Aw, jeez, we gotta
go back to the store.

Damn it!

I'm all out of coffee and I've
gotta be here for these idiots!

They better not take
forever or I'm gonna shred

their B-holes on Yelp!

Ah!

Obo, stop peeping
at the customers.

Hey! How long is
this gonna take?

Ma'am, please enjoy
this complimentary latte

while we finish.

What? A portrait
of me in the foam?

Wow! Now, that's service.

Thank you for not shredding
our B-holes on Yelp.

You good with these
tunes, my dudes?

Yeah, totally, Obo.

Guys, I think Ezra is making
us train our replacement.

C'mon, there's no way a
robot could take over for us.

All done with
install number two!

Huh?

When did we even get here?

You seemed busy, so Obo
did the job for you.

On to stop number
three, my dudes!

We're doomed!

What are we gonna do?

Well, Obo can't replace us

if Obo can't do the job.

We're gonna sabotage him.

Oh!

'Cause I was gonna say, he
can definitely do the job.

Yeah, he's much better than us.

All done with
install number three!

Obs, we got a very important
job 50 miles that way.

In a place called, uh...

"Shitsville".

We'd go there ourselves, but uh

it's a van-free
town. Very religious.

Obo is here to help!

See you later, dudes!

More like see ya never.

Ha!

Ezra, we have some bad news.

It looks like Obo ran away.

Shhh! We are live
in Schydzville,

a town few even knew existed,

where last night,
something amazing happened.

We was just gazin'
at our starin' wall,

when this shiny metal man
comes in and installs us a TV.

Yeah. We turned on that
weather channel in time

to hear about a
twister coming our way.

That robot saved our lives.

That is amazing.

Amazing for business!

You're doing great
job training Obo.

He's become my
best Plugger-Inner.

There he is now!

My dudes!

Obo, even though you not human,

I make you employee
of the month.

If we want to keep our jobs,
there's only one option left.

We have to destroy Obo.

How's it gonna go down?

I'll do it at my place.

Let's just say I've got some

specialized equipment.

Come on.

Emily? You seen my baseball bat?

Obo fixed
Bun-Bun's missing eye.

Yay!

Now she can get her
driver's license!

Obo has filed Bridgette's taxes,

netting Bridgette a $700 refund.

And... spent.
And... spent.

And Emily, Obo made you tea.

Eh... I was hoping you could do
my taxes too, or, you know...

Oh, my freaking God,
that's good tea!

Obo, if you've got all
these... ... skills,

how come you just install TVs?

Because that is what
Obo is programmed to do.

Josh can barely dress himself,
and even he wants to do more

than just work at
Plugger-Inners.

Really?

What could be better than
being a Plugger-Inner?

Uh, shirt-tucker?

Hammer lady? Bug salesman?

Toilet? Literally anything.

Josh's dream is to
make video games.

Dreams? What are... dreams?

You know, ambitions, goals.

What you want to
do with your life.

Daddy, Obo is so awesome!

Did you know he knows
the day and the time?

Yeah, yeah, he's thoughtful
and kind and dependable.

Don't get too attached.

Obo, can you, uh,

wait for me in the garage?

Okay. Are Obo's dreams in there?

Uh, yeah, sure.

Yay!

Ah...
Ah...

Is that you, Josh?

Obo is playing your
game, "Space Omelette".

You created something
challenging, yet lighthearted.

You really think so?

You're fortunate to
have a beautiful family.

Your wife, Emily; Your
children, Candice and Alex.

Obo is programmed only to be
Plugger-Inner, and nothing else.

Nothing.

You must be proud
of who you are.

Yeah...

Totally.

Obo is feeling weird
about his programming.

Obo needs to do some computing.

Okay, Obo.

I guess I'll see you
at work tomorrow.

Huh?

Huh...

You had one job to do.

I pulled the plug on
three of my grandparents.

It's not that hard.

Then why don't
you do it? No way.

I can't k*ll someone
with that smile.

Obs? You okay?

Did Obo just sigh?

Let's get in there
and install those TVs

because that's all
we're programmed to do.

By the time Obo's
battery degrades,

Obo will have installed
TVs for 3,140 years,

18 days, nine hours.

Ugh, same.

Uh, Obo, we just
passed the exit.

Obo's destination is
no longer El Segundo.

New Destination...
End of suffering.

Time to arrival... five seconds.

Obo, what the hell?

You almost k*lled us all!

Obo calculated his dudes
would survive without injury.

But the only way out for Obo
is the sweet release of death.

Hmmm...

Ha!

This is what we
wanted... isn't it?

Not anymore.

Dante, didn't Obo
give you Lasik?

Yeah. He saw me squinting when I
was reading that pudding label.

And Anders, didn't Obo
put on a wig and pretend

to be your girlfriend at
your high school reunion?

We danced all night.

Guys, he's done nothing
but try and help us.

Now we have to help him.

Do not try to stop me, Josh!

I need to be deleted.

No! We won't let you!

Ah!

Yeah! Yes! Yeah! Yes!

Obo!

Take me, non-Newtonian fluid.

Aw... Hmm.

Yes, that will do.

Jump!

Obo!

Obo, stop!

Give Obo one good reason
being Plugger-Inner forever

is better than self-deletion.

Well, there's...
There's got to be one.

I can't think of any.

Our job sucks. Yeah, man.

If it wasn't for you guys,
I'd probably k*ll myself, too.

Wait, that's it!

Yeah, suicide pact!

Stupid comment!

Oof! Ehh...

Obo, you're right.
Our job sucks.

It's nine hours a day of
soul-crushing boredom.

But what makes it okay is
that we do it together.

With our friends.

Friends like you, Obo.

Obo is... your friend?

Of course!

No one's as nice to
me as you are, Obs.

You're like a really cool clock.

You complimented my game.

Not even my own
family likes my game.

Obo did have some small notes.

The point is, you may have
to do this job forever,

but you won't have
to do it alone.

My dude.

Obo is your dude!

So... we cancel robot project.

Obo was just too emotional.

Then we get to keep our jobs?

Yeah, sure, okay.

Is too bad, though.

I was going promote you
to robot supervisors.

More pay. Fewer hours.

Oh, well.

On the plus side,
we have each other?

My dudes!

Oh, snaaaaaaaaap!

Did Candice Singleton
just enter the car?

Mom, stop. Ugh.

How was your day? Did
you get educated AF?

Ugh...

Daaaamn.

Looks like somebody
stans baby carrots.

How's your squad? Are
they keeping it 100?

Ooh, bedtime on fleek,

who wants to get turnt
with "Curious George"?

Ma'am, step away from the door.

What are you doing, Randy?

I'm protecting the asset, ma'am.

Well, I'm the
asset's mother, so...

Do not test me, Emily!

I swear to God, I
will axe kick you

through that wall.

It'll be all like... ahh!

Ow! Ooh!

The Vikings believed this
pendant granted wishes.

Cooool. Cooool.

Emily, you have, uh,
something to sigh?

Candice has been giving me
the silent treatment all week.

She won't talk to
me, she won't tell me

what's going on at school.

She's just going
through a phase.

Emily, don't worry.

All kids push their parents away
when they're about to move out.

She's five.

Come on, let's get blackout
drunk, go on Amazon,

and see what shows up tomorrow.

I call it "Wine and Prime."

I just wish I was
closer to Candice.

Ah!

Aah!

The pendant!

Come on, Candice, let's
get you to the bus!

Candice! You
can't be in my room.

Adult single man, little kid.
I-I-I-It's not a good look.

No, it's me, Emily!

Nice try.

Your mom and I might
not be that close,

but I know that she's the big
one and you're the little one.

No! Wait!

I can prove it.

Last year I walked in on you

using my hand mirror to
see your own butthole!

Emily?

You were on your mattress

with your legs over your head...

Okay, okay. Stop
talking about it.

What happened to you?!

I said I wished I was
closer to Candice,

and your stupid Viking
thingy shrunk me.

Ha! It made you closer
to Candice in size?

Hilarious.

How do I change back?

I don't know!

It's not my fault you
weren't more specific.

Just figure it out!

You should've said
something like,

"I wish I was emotionally
close to my offspring."

Oh, sh*t.

Hey.

Maybe I actually could
get closer to Candice.

Hey, Candi... I mean,

cand I sit here?

That's what I meant. I just want
to put my tiny body on the seat

next to a fellow child.

Uh, sure. Thanks.

I was afraid I'd have to sit in
the back with the weird kids.

Oookay.

My name's Candice. What's yours?

It's Em... uhhh...

Emma? Yes!

Yes, Emma.

A normal name for a normal girl.

Want to tell each other secrets?

Uh, I don't know.

I'll go first. I
secretly love my mom.

She gives me baby carrots and I
appreciate everything about her.

Your turn.

I've got to go sit
over there now.

Sorry.

Offspring? Why did
I say offspring?

Calm down.

You don't have any offspring.

Ah! The pendant can't
make you have kids.

Can it?

Going alllll the
way back to 1999.

It's The Offspring with
"Pretty Fly "!

Ugh, '90s rock. Ugh.

What the...? No!

What are you doing?

Stop it!

I'm emotionally close
to The Offspring!

Uh, hello, Mr. Campbell.

I'm... Great,
another new student.

Why don't you introduce
yourself while I make you

a chair out of Amazon boxes?

Hi! My name is Emma.

I'm five. Obviously.

And I like things
five-year-olds like.

I hate vaping.
And I love my mom.

Who doesn't love moms?

You can talk to
them all day long.

This kid is obsessed with moms!

You're losing them, Emily.

Huh? Huuuh?

Hey, Cameron, this weird
kid is stealing your bit.

Hey, weird kid, stop
stealing my bit!

Kids: Booooooooo!

Are there any tickets left?!

Hold on, let me check.

Yeah.

Oh. Okay, give me
a hundred! Wait!

Quatro, cinco, cinco, seis.

Okay. Agh!

I just need one to
get in, is that right?

One. Okay, I'll take one.

No, two so I can hang one on my
wall and keep one in my wallet.

Ooh, yeah.

Wow, you must, like,
really love The Offspring.

Just give me the
tickets!

Damn it!

Oh, no.

Too scared to throw
rocks at a beehive?

Jade Cartwright, you
stop it right now!

What do you want, weird kid?

Talk about scared? At
the last PTA meeting,

your mother told me you
sleep with a night light.

And your dad's
not on a business trip.

He moved in with his
Pilates instructor.

Are you okay?

You made Jade cry.

Wanna be my friend?

And over there is David Lin.

He's a third-grader.
We'll get married someday.

And that's my friend Maddie.

Jade used to be my friend.

Last week, she told me that
when a mommy and a daddy

love each other very much,
they touch butts together,

and then a baby falls
out of their butts.

You know that's
not how it works.

Ugh! You sound like my mom.

I told her, and she told Jade's
mom, and Jade got in trouble,

which made her mad at me,

so I decided to stop
telling my mom stuff.

Uh... That's the reason?

Reason for what?

Nothing. Nothing.

BT-dubs are you gonna
eat your baby carrots?

'Cause I stan baby carrots.

Wait, my mom says,
"Stan baby carrots."

Wait. That's my mom's sweater!

Are you

my mom?!

I'm sorry. What is going on?!
I'm sorry. What is going on?!

Don't freak out! I-I
accidentally wished

on Alex's weird Viking thingy

and now we're getting so close

and I just... I really
love being your friend.

You were spying on me?!

I'm gonna go make up with Jade

by throwing rocks
at that beehive!

Wait, please...

And I'm never
talking to you again!

Oh, cool. I stan
baby carrots, too.

You don't have to do this!

Shut up, weird kid!

Go ahead, Candice.

I'll forgive you if you
throw a rock at that beehive.

Okay, first of all,
that makes no sense.

And, Candice, bees are already
dying at an alarming rate.

You're not my mom.

Kids: Ooooooooh!

Yes, I am.

Oooooooh!

Wait, what?

Ah! Don't give it to me.

Why do I know all the lyrics?!

There's only one way out!

I can't believe you
got us into this!

What... What are you doing?

I'm being your mother.

Sorry, Noodles.

How do I know his name?

What? What?

You guys don't understand.

There's only one way
to break this curse.

Huh?

You saved me.

That's what moms do.

I'm sorry I lied to you.

I just... I wanted us to be

close. Oh.

What?

Kids: Whooooa!

I'm me!

Candice, I'll never betray
your confidence again.

I promise, you can
tell me anything.

Okay.

I can see your butt.

Oh God! I'll see you at home!

Whooaaa.

So, she really was her mom.

Kids: Oooooh!

Hey! You're back to
normal? How'd you do that?

I guess I learned my lesson

and, poof, the curse was broken.

Cool, cool. So, uh,

that's why smashing the
pendant didn't work.

Oh, well!