01x04 - The Circle of Stress

[bunniefuu]

Toni had worked through the night,

recording songs to present to Dalia.

Once again, he didn't get any sleep.

And he was super nervous.

Toni!

Pipo? What are you doing here?

Bro, crazy sh*t,

you'll never believe this.

Miss Müller-Müller

invited me over to rap for her.

I was like, "I've never done that."

And then she was all like,

"Listen to your gut, Pipo."

So I listened to my gut

and wrote lyrics about pizza,

and now I'm officially signed!

- Wait, what?

- They signed me!

Miss Müller-Müller said I've got heart.

Pipo, you're a pizza boy.

But with heart!

Whoo!

Pizza boy

Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy

Delivered straight to your door

Hot and ready

Hits ahoy

Pizza boy, pizza boy

Yeah, I bring that pizza, boy

Bring only the purest joy

Pipo got the freshest toys

Doesn't make any sense.

Toni?

Come.

RAT RACE

TONI

You gotta keep rolling

Hustling them deals

Keep your eyes on the road

And your hands up on the wheel

Vroom, vroom

Find your place in this rat race

So much cheese to chase

In this maze, there's no escape

Thank you, I got it.

Just another--

Very niche.

What?

Yeah, y'know, it's just

not really what we had in mind.

Okay.

So, yeah, um…

There's… this one.

Used to spit bars for the art

I write hits for the top of the chart

If you are smart

Then just play your part

Keep it on point

Stay fly like a dart

Yeah Holy macaroni

Homie, this is Toni

Turn it off.

You can learn a lot from me

Padawan like Obi--

Um… Well, now that's too,

uh, like, full of, uh… Argh.

W-words?

Yep.

Full of words.

It's too full of words?

The wrong words, Fleischer.

Um…

There's one more, actually.

Okay.

But it's not finished yet, so…

y'know, just keep in mind,

it'll sound better.

'Kay, I'm hitting play.

Don't talk to me

I ain't got no time

No time

Rolling through the hood

In the milky oat white

Swag!

Another block

Headed for G*ntrification

New housing

Glossy windows glorification

Until their walls get sprayed

With graffiti-fication

On their front porch

Is where I left defecation

Yep.

Yeah, this is it.

- This is the track.

- It is?

No.

That's not a hit.

None of these are hits!

I put my reputation on the line

because I believed in you, man.

But you went for a walk in the park

instead of writing.

Yeah, me and my son were--

- You have to take this seriously!

- I am, though.

Bring me a hit!

You have three days.

You said two weeks before…

Yeah, but my interest in you

just got cut down to size.

Oh. Okay, but I need some more--

Two days!

Okay.

Ugh…

- Okay…

- Okay.

CRAP HAPPENS

While Toni was up to his neck in trouble,

everything at home was perfectly fine.

The house was fine.

OKAY.

The weather was fine.

OKAY

Even Wera's sorry little vegetable patch,

where nothing grew except for

one very strange plant, was fine.

Everything was fine. Until…

WERA'S VEGETABLE PATCH

Hmm.

It's top quality.

Mother Nature gave this place

a great gift.

Am I right?

Uh… Why are you speaking Spanish?

I'm learning Spanish on this app,

and I'm behind right now.

Muy bien, Marc.

Gracias.

Cool. Sorry, I mean, yeah, uh…

Muy cool-o.

I've already turned the app off.

- Okay.

- So this is where you bring in the crops?

Yeah, uh, those are the crops, and, uh…

This is how we package it.

And the assholes who live here?

They're completely clueless.

Good.

Berlin's gonna lose its mind

over this sh*t.

Tell your mama we have a deal.

Marc Weissmann snagged fourth place

in Drug Dealer Weekly's

Dealer of the Year competition.

Sergej, the Mayor's son,

BERLIN'S GREAT DEALER HOPE

was proud he'd managed

to lure him to Schitten.

Come on, let's go.

No, nothing was fine.

NOT IN ORDER

FERRES NOT APPROVED

But Toni didn't know

anything about that yet.

He had other problems to deal with.

Hi! So, how did it go?

- Not good.

- Oh. I know what'll cheer you up.

ARMAGEDDON

No.

You said we'd watch it every single day.

I didn't mean literally every day.

Okay, so how about this weekend

you try stand-up paddle limbo with me?

- Charly!

- Uh…

I know it's still a while away,

but my coming-of-age ceremony

is in eight months,

and we have to invite

everyone and find a venue…

The music! Can you please do the music?

It's such an important night,

and Sascha's coming…

All the problems

got even bigger when Toni broke

the one golden rule of parenting…

One must never, never, ever, ever, ever,

under any circumstances, no matter what…

Charly, just shut up!

…take out their stress on their child.

Oh, g*dd*mn it.

Charly, I'm sorry.

Ahh!

My dear son…

I'm not your son,

I was born before you, Johnny.

Do you know what you just did, teddy bear?

You just got the Circle of Stress rolling.

The Circle of Stress.

The Circle of Stress?

You're stressed

and you dumped it on Charly.

You might think, "Hey, I'm rid of it now,

I'll never see my stress again."

But Charly's now carrying

your stress out there,

and it'll travel from person to person,

getting bigger and stronger

until someday, when you least expect it,

the stress is going to come back,

and it's going to bite you in the a*s.

The Circle of Stress.

What?

Person A, in this case, you,

triggers a chain reaction of stress

in the lives of persons B, C, D, E…

so on and so forth.

Each of them then triggers little

chain reactions of stress of their own,

like mini chain reactions…

…which influence and reinforce each other,

and in the end,

the accumulated stress energy will return.

The Circle of Stress. It's a thing.

It's not a thing!

- I didn't believe it at your age either.

- Johnny, you're younger than me. Good God!

The Circle of Stress is a thing.

Stress.

It's not.

And so it begins.

The Circle of Stress.

Shut up, Johnny!

POLICE & PEDICURES

After Toni's outburst,

Charly wanted to go see Sascha right away.

Ever since their breakup, he'd been

heartbroken and missed her like crazy.

But there was one little Swiss problem.

Well, I'm scared of mountains.

A deep and pervasive horror

of snow-covered fields.

Only one in a million people in

Switzerland deal with this awful illness.

And Switzerland is full of mountains,

so life there becomes

a never-ending t*rture.

It's pretty much impossible to deal with.

And they're all called Köbi, you know?

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

I don't want to be too forward, but

I have an incredible desire to kiss you.

You're so wild, Köbi.

I know. I hear that a lot.

Kiss me, Köbi.

What the hell?

Oh. Hey, Charly. How's it yodelin'?

How could you do this to me?

Charly wasn't particularly proud

of what happened next, but…

Charly! Charly, no!

- …there.

- Charly!

- The stress.

- The Circle of Stress.

Charly!

- Um, so…

- Stress…

I don't mean to be too forward again, but

- I really need to use the bathroom.

- Stress…

And not for a number 1.

Charly!

- Stress…

- No!

And the Circle of Stress kept on circling.

Snuggle bug, we've talked about this.

You don't handle rejection very well.

- Yeah…

- You gotta work on that.

But nothing's going

the way it's supposed to.

No one said it was gonna be easy.

I know, Grandma,

it's not my first time smuggling.

Yeah, I'm putting

some of your old pork chops on top of it.

That'll throw them sniffer dogs off

real good.

Normally, I'd rub it with coffee as well,

but this will do for now.

What do you say we make

some baked apples when I get home?

You're breaking up. What?

PARKING PROHIBITED AT ALL TIMES

Have you done anything

with Toni that you both enjoy?

Well, we towed something.

So do that again.

24-HOUR TOWING SERVICE

Mama? You're the best.

Hm.

In the meantime,

Toni made no progress whatsoever.

Whatsoever.

EVERYTHING'S sh*t,

EVERYTHING'S sh*t, EVERYTHING'S SHI

This is all sh*t.

This is all sh*t!

Ugh!

What?

Yes, hello. The name's Weissmann.

I'm stuck here.

Me too.

I'm trapped in Schitten.

I don't know what to do now.

Who isn't, bro?

Can you come get me?

I've got f*cking writer's block!

Can you think of something

worse than that?

Uh, a wolf is eyeing me from the trees.

At least I think so.

Don't know anything about village animals.

Do we have a new towing job?

- We don't.

- You do!

Please, it's been a really bad day.

- I know!

- Mine too!

- Maybe we can just chill?

- I gotta write, there's no time.

Can't you do that later?

- Yes, please.

- No!

This is bullshit!

The wolf's coming closer.

I think it smells the meat.

Circle of Stress…

Circle of Stress.

The Circle of Stress.

Okay, what's going on?

You yelled at me earlier

and you don't have time for me.

Nothing's going

the way it was supposed to.

- But you know I have to write, come on.

- Yeah.

So why is this so difficult?

Mom says

I can't handle being rejected super well.

Same.

And that I should do something about it.

Yeah, we should.

Do you have to start writing again?

One sec.

Listen. You go to the supermarket…

INGREDIENTS FOR PIZZA

…buy all this, I'll write for a few hours,

and tonight I'll make you the best pizza

you've ever had in your life. Deal?

- Deal.

- Okay.

Yay!

Good parenting.

Mm-hmm.

Father of the year.

Hello? Hello! The wolf!

I've already given him all the meat,

but he's still here!

Hello? I need help!

Yeah, sure, tell me about it!

Toni's not finding

the help he needs in this nuthouse.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…

But there was one person who always knew

how to break Toni's writer's block.

The head of the fishing club…

…head of the wrestling club…

Ow!

…the self-proclaimed

God of the drama club…

- Paule.

- All right.

Here's the deal, guys.

I have no idea

what we're gonna perform next.

Last year? Squid Game: The Musical.

The year before, of course,

was Marriage Story.

I want a divorce!

- Whoa, you get me every time, dude.

- Thank you.

And who could ever forget

All Quiet on the Western Front?

You're making great strides

in therapy, kids.

I'm proud of how well you're doing so far.

But what can we do next, everyone?

Paule, I need your help.

I'm-- I'm stuck on a song.

I knew this day would come eventually.

Uh… Kids, this is an emergency.

You need to go now. Here are five euros,

go buy some beer or whatever.

Go. Out, out, out, out, out!

Get outta here.

Out, everyone out!

Get outta here. Outta my sight!

Are you sure? Don't you have to… teach?

Nah, those brats have no future anyway.

- Okay…

- Is that true?

Kevin…

You're a disgrace to this school

and to your family.

Step closer.

Stay right there.

Tell Mom I'll be home later today.

Okay.

I'm so proud of him.

So, let's get going. Clothes off.

Um… It's not finished yet, okay?

Aight.

Holy macaroni

Homie, this is Toni

You can learn a lot from me, Padawan

Like Obi Wan Kenobi

Got dollars to unfold

The game is bought and sold

The homies know

That my jewelry is ice cold

My raps give you a seizure

So please turn up your speaker…

Okay.

Check out this double feature

Starring the rhyming creature

First I'm gonna beat ya

Then I'll eat ya like a pizza

Do you have amnesia? We…

Um…

So?

That was crap.

First Kevin's birth, and now this?

How much can one man actually withstand?

Hey, uh, thanks for your time. I… I think

I'll keep trying on my own, all right?

Hey!

Get back on stage, okay?

You're not going home without a song.

Okay.

Okay, baby.

And the Circle of Stress

also came crashing at full speed

into Nancy's life.

Hello, Mom? Are you even listening to me?

Circle of Stress…

This is awful!

Don't take your stress out on me, okay?

Ugh! I'm about to burst!

- Sascha!

- Mom!

- Can you please help me?

- Shh.

Hello?

Hello!

A Berlin license plate.

A Berlin plate in Schitten?

That hasn't happened since 2008.

I think someone's smuggling something.

- Sascha!

- Mom, I don't care!

Köbi's got diarrhea,

you're traumatizing me!

- Sascha!

- Come help!

Schitten needs me more than you.

POLICE

"You can't park here."

Damn it!

"You can't park here."

So exciting.

Mama!

I'm seriously about to explode!

That's so gross! Mom?

Sir, you can't park here.

Yes, I know.

The f*cking tow truck won't come.

A wolf attacked me,

this place is full of mosquitoes,

no Internet. I'm outta here.

Where's the nearest train station?

Stop!

Let me see what's in the duffle.

What part of it don't you get,

you weird-a*s zombie grandma?

I was attacked by an angry wolf.

What is this?

Give me that.

C'mon, give me that.

Ow!

Sorry.

Give me that right now! Ugh.

sh*t. sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Ahh!

Hey!

Don't move!

Freeze!

Hola, Marc.

How are you?

It's time for your lessons, Marc.

Shut up, for f*ck's sake!

- I don't understand. Spanish!

- Shut up.

Shut your f*cking mouth!

Shut your f*cking mouth!

Very good, Marc.

Your time is up, amigo.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t!

- You're crap, you know that?

- Yeah.

- Like, total crap.

- Yeah, I know I'm crap!

The Paper Ball Club's tomorrow, Malte.

Bro, why are you so shitty?

I have no idea.

A-at first, I was like,

"What does a mainstream label wanna hear,

and how do I write it?"

And then I was like,

"How do you write at all?"

And then I was like,

"How crazy are our hands?"

Like, y'know, little aliens

someone glued to our arms or whatever.

You know what I'm saying?

I thought so hard that

now nothing's even coming to me.

Hey, that's it!

You mean the hand thing?

No, that sucks. You're just overthinking.

- You're right.

- Yeah.

Why am I thinking so hard?

That never used to be a problem.

What did we do differently back then?

Pick it, pack it, fire it up

Come along

Take a hit from the bong

Put the blunt down just for a second

Don't get me wrong

It's not a new method

- Inhale, exhale

- Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry!

MR. PAULE'S

EVIDENCE CUPBOARD

Just got an ounce in the mail

I like a blunt or a big, fat cone

But my double-barrel bong

Is getting me stoned

Home skillet

There's water inside, don't spill it

It smells like sh*t on the carpet

Okay, holy macaroni

Homie

It's not Moni

Which is my niece

One piece, uh

Fighting the geese

She's… Uh, I… Uh…

Uh-huh

It's all sh*t

So just shut it, uh-huh

Holy macaroni

Homie, this is Toni

Paule's on the drums, bro

He's my homie, so let's go

Whoo!

Hits from the bong

Hits from the bong

Can I get a hit?

UPER MARKE

Hm.

Finally.

Oh.

What is your problem, huh?

You almost k*lled Köbi.

- Okay, I didn't, though.

- Why'd you lock me in there?

I don't handle rejection well.

I don't care, Charly,

that was pretty bad, man.

I'm sorry. I overreacted.

But I can bring pizza

to band practice tomorrow--

Forget about band practice.

Paule's back in jail, isn't he?

I'm not in the band anymore.

I'm out.

Sascha?

And that's how the stress

made its way back to Charly.

The Circle of Stress.

sh*t!

And he got really mad at Toni.

Toni was to blame for everything.

For all of it!

Stress.

Is that a hit?

SCHITTEN-ON-HAVEL THEATER

This is a hit.

Yeah?

Really?

Yeah.

Write one about hands.

That should be your next rap.

A real hit?

Years of evolution brought them about.

A real hit.

A super hit.

And I have… two.

That everyone loves.

Like Armageddon.

What did you say?

Armageddon.

God, I love that film.

- It has heart.

- So much heart.

And a message.

- Many, yeah.

- It's perfect.

We're gonna stage Armageddon.

What?

For the school play.

- Yeah.

- Charly can make the music.

Who's Charly?

Charly. sh*t!

Ahh!

Huh…

Charly. sh*t, sh*t.

Toni?

Sonny boy? Grandsonny boy?

Are you okay?

Hey there, champ.

What's wrong?

This might be surprising to you,

but people don't like me very much.

Oh geez, really?

I don't have that many friends,

and Sascha is so cool.

I thought we could be like

one of those great couples,

like Marty McFly and the girl

from the past, whatever her name is.

You didn't understand

Back to the Future at all.

Or like Oedipus and his wife.

Terrible example, Charly.

Or that guy in Tender Cousins and his…

C… Cousin?

Yeah.

But then along comes Papa,

and now we're related,

so that's off the table.

And I don't even get anything out of it

because he's never here.

Okay.

Listen.

I think I know how you feel.

Yeah?

When I was a little boy, right? In Mexico…

Just to be clear,

Johnny Carrera didn't

come from this Mexico,

but from Mechiko near Kiel.

My mom was dating

this Jorge Hernandez gentleman.

NEAR KIEL

The vihuela virtuoso Jorge Hernandez

from the best traveling mariachi band

in all of Oaxaca.

Again, "Uahacka" on Sylt.

The point is, historically speaking,

dads don't particularly have

the best track record.

But musician-dads…

They're in a league of their own, really.

You'll have to be

a little patient with Toni.

Were you patient?

With Jorge Hernandez from Uahacka?

- Of course.

- And?

He left us a while later and was stabbed

to death in a Guadalajara prison cell.

Mm-hmm…

Okay, so I should wait until Toni leaves

me and gets stabbed to death in jail?

No.

Are you sure that's good advice?

Uh, I don't know, really.

Oh, so I don't need patience

and I should just pressure him instead?

I guess so, yeah.

Okay, I'll do that then.

- Yeah, great.

- Cool.

Uh, wait.

Charly, I think

we got off track or something.

Thanks, Grandpa.

Oh…

"Grandpa…"

I can't hear it often enough.

Whoo!

Good talk, yeah.

I'm coming, Charly.

I don't know what it is, Miss Mayor.

I've never seen anything like it,

but that man was obviously smuggling it.

The minute I asked him

what was in the trunk,

he attacked me and ran into the woods.

Have you opened it, officer?

No, I wanted to get your permission first.

Good job.

- Thank you.

- Let me talk to him.

Oh.

The Mayor.

What's going on, Miss Mayor?

The witch beat me with a nightstick.

Calm down now. We can work this out.

Can you shut up already,

you babbling old hag?

Okay, your stuff? It's amazing.

And me? I'm here to push it for you.

But have you ever asked how I'm doing?

Ever wondered what

my hopes and dreams are?

You think dealers don't have feelings?

You think I ain't got problems?

I'm not doing so great!

The divorce was hell on its own.

I was already drinking before it.

But after?

That's when it really went to sh*t.

- I lost my place…

- Oh.

- …because I couldn't pay rent anymore.

- Oh, okay. Yeah, uh…

I was the best

pediatric heart surgeon in the country.

These hands were made

to operate on little children's hearts.

To patch up their little arteries.

And now, look at me.

That woman won't be a problem anymore,

all right? Let me speak with her.

- Hello, police chief!

- Yes.

Here, take it. It's for you.

Yeah.

Let him go.

What?

I said let him walk away.

Stop all investigations,

effective immediately.

Charly?

Sorry, I got a little carried away

with Paule, but we can get started now.

f*ck.

Charly?

TONI-FREE ZONE

YOU! ARE! sh*t!

- Toni screwed up bad.

- Charly?

He broke his promise.

But at least he had a hit.

EVERYTHING'S SHI

No, not even that.

YOU'RE SHI

Paule and all the drugs

hadn't helped at all.

VOTE FERRES

What a shitty Circle of Stress day

for everyone involved.

Charly was mad at Toni.

Sascha was mad at Charly.

Köbi was mad at Switzerland.

And Nancy had to muster all her strength

to fight every police instinct

screaming inside her.

In the end, all that stress

came right back to where it started.

To Toni.

Charly?

Charly?

There's pizza for breakfast.

That's almost better

than pizza for dinner.

- Hello?

- We kidnapped your son.

Come on, who is this?

Papa?

- Charly?

- Please save me!

W-where are you?

The bridge

on the edge of town, in 20 minutes.

- Hello?

- The Circle of Stress…

Stress!

Spit bars for the art

Now I write hits

For the top of the chart

If you are smart

Then just play your part

Keep it on point

And stay fly like a dart

Holy macaroni

Homie, this is Toni

You can learn a lot from me, Padawan

Like Obi Wan Kenobi

Pew, pew!

Got dollars to unfold

The game is bought and sold

Uphold the code, the homies know

That my jewelry is ice cold

My raps give you a seizure

So please turn up your speakers

For your listening pleasure

And a little bit of leisure

Check out this double feature

Starring the rhyming creature

First I'm gonna beat ya

Then I'll eat ya like a pizza

High off the anesthesia

Amnesia? We remembering

I've seen many men turn to cinnamon

When I'm speaking

Sentences and synonyms