Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.

Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?

Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register

01x10 - Help, Help, It's the Phantom Kelp

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Jabberjaw". Aired: September 11 – December 18, 1976.*
Watch/Buy Amazon



Jabberjaw, a 15-foot amphibious great white shark, is the drummer for The Neptunes, a rock group made up of four teenagers—Biff, Shelly, Bubbles and Clamhead—who live in an underwater civilization.

01x10 - Help, Help, It's the Phantom Kelp

Post by bunniefuu »

Hi, there. I'm Jabberjaw.
Woo-woo-woo.

♪ They call him
Jabber-Jabber-Jabber-Jabber ♪

♪ Jabber-Jabber-Jabberjaw ♪

Woo-woo-woo. The most
futuristic shark you ever saw.

I can walk and talk and look.
I'm even breathin'.

♪ He's so sharp
the things he does are ♪

Unbelievin'.

♪ Jabber-Jabber-Jabber-Jabber
Jabber-Jabber-Jabberjaw ♪

I'm the latest
greatest shark you ever saw.

♪ When his friends
get in a jam ♪

Why they just call
on this big ham.

♪ He's Jabber-Jabber-Jabber
Jabber-Jabber-Jabber ♪

♪ Jabberjaw-Jabberjaw ♪

He's the finniest
funniest shark you ever saw.

♪ He's Jabber-Jabber-
Jabber-Jabber ♪

♪ Jabber-Jabber-Jabberjaw ♪

I don't get no respect.

♪ Jabberjaw ♪♪

Sonar detects no aqua-craft
within miles of us, master.


Excellent. I will be ensured
secrecy for my experiment.

Prepare the seeds.

I'm impatient, hurry.

The pre-historic seeds
are in position, master.

Stand back!

My vitalizer ray
possesses the power

of a hundred centuries
of sunlight.

Success!

Congratulations, master.
Help!

These seeds have been layed
dormant for centuries

and I, I have given them life!

With an army of these
atrocious, pre-historic plants

I shall make the mighty
Aqua International Corporation

bow to my demands.

And through them,
I shall dominate the world!


Set the course
for San Franaqua.


At once, master.

Wowee-wow-wow!

With all the lights, it looks
like we're over fairyland.


A fairyland? I thought
we were going to San Franaqua.


Woo-woo-woo!
Let me see, let me see.

Get your blubber off of me
or you'll see stars.


- I'll carry that, sir.
- Me? A sir?

Woo-woo-woo!

Now, that's respect.
N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

Super Gigsville, g*ng.
The Aqua International Hotel.

And in a Sky-Top Club.
Wowee-wow-wow!.


Woo-woo-woo.

Hey, they did everything but
roll out the red carpet for us.

Sorry, sir.

Now, we're stuck.

I should have quit
while I was ahead.


Woo-woo-woo.

Soon, the
Aqua International Corporation

will know the power
of the Phantom.


♪ Who has a fin like you ♪

♪ When the clock stands out.. ♪♪

Stop the music!

What's with you, dum-dum?

These plants are tickiln' me.

Hey, hoo-hoo-hoo.
Hey, let go!

Ya-aa-aa.

Let's get outta here.

Look out!

Aba-ba-ba.Look!

Jumpin' jellyfish!
Monster plants!

Watch it you overgrown
crabgrass or I'll prune ya.

Let's get out
of this goofy garden.

It is only the beginning.

Faster, g*ng.
To the elevator.

We're surrounded. Trapped.

Aba-ba-ba. This calls for
the old Jabber Jungle Roll.

Woo-woo-woo.
Gotcha, Clam.

It's piggy-back time.

Oh, you mean,
"Sharky-Back", don't you?

Woo-woo-woo. Look out!

- Clumsy fools!
- Gee, we're sorry, sir.

Oh, I thought you were
taking these seeds home

up for your bird's din-din.

- Here's your ray-g*n, mister.
- And your halloween mask.

Ya-aa-aa.

Ray-g*n? Mask?

He must be the creep
who caused all this.

Seize them!

"Seize us?" Says you!

Woo-woo-woo.

- They have escaped, master.
- They have seen my face.

We must find them at all cost.

Woo-woo-woo. They're gone.

Abba-abba-abba!
Did you hear that?

He's really after us.

We better get the police,
right away.

The Phantom's pre-historic
plants have struck


three more hotels in the
Aqua International chain.


He's demanding complete control
of the vast corporation.

Keep all units on full alert.

Woo-woo-woo. We saw the Phantom.
We saw the Phantom.

You did? Then you better

get right over
to Aqua International.

Our captain is meeting
with company officials right now

to discuss the situation.

Let's go, g*ng.

Aqua International Corp.

This is where the police are
meeting with the board members.


Oh, well,
if the members are bored

uh, why don't they
get another job?

Gentlemen, I don't know
how much longer

our immobilizer rays
can control

the Phantom's
pre-historic plants.

Perhaps we should consider
bowing to the Phantom's demands.

Ya-aa-aa.

- Well, who are you?
- We're The Neptunes, sir.

What are you doing here?

We saw that creepy,
super-gardener

you're looking for, captain.

The Phantom? A number
of people have seen him.

Woo-woo-woo. But we saw him
with his Halloween mask off.

Are you sure?
What did he look like?

- Can you describe him?
- Why, sure.

He's about the
same size as you are

with the same kind of greasy
black hair and oily mustache

and the same mean,
beady little eyes.

Yaa-aa-aa. It's him!

Oh golly. It's good
to see you again, Mr. Phantom.

You are accusing me? Fools.

Boy! You kids,
have a big mistake.

Mr. J.B. Parmalee

is the vice-president
of this corporation.


Hah! He's also a vice-president
in charge of landscaping.

She's right, sir. We'd never
forget a face like that--

I'll hear no more of these
outrageous accusations.

Security robots,
escort them out!

Aba-ba-ba-ba.

Woo-woo-woo.
Hey, watch it.

No respect.

You took the words right
out of my mouth, Shell.

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

We know that creep,
Parmalee is the Phantom.

And we better prove it
before it's goodbye Neptunes.

It'll be a cinch.

We'll make like Sherlock Holmes,
only better, see?

Sherlock Shark.

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

And we can begin checking out
our nice Mr. Parmalee

in our hotel video directory.

- Do not lose the meddlers.
- We have them in sight, master.

Excellent.
You know what to do.

They will be dealt with.

J.B. Parmalee.

J.B. Parmalee, Vice-President,
Aqua International Corporation.


We know that,
you dum-dum directory.

Member of San Franaqua
Country Club.


Director of San Franaqua
Museum Of Ancient Artifacts.


- Abba-abba-abba. Who's there?
- Room service.

Woo-woo-woo. Must be my lunch.
N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

A rubber tire on toast. Entre.
N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

Ya-aa-aa.

Enjoy, sir.

Woo-woo-woo.
Thank you.

Seeds? Hmm.
I didn't order seeds.


Yaa-aa-aa.

Nya-ah!

Nya-ah! Nya-ah-ah-ah!

- Watch it, buster.
- Yay, Jabber!

Now, that's tossing
the old salad.

Abba-ba-ba!
Hang on, Jabber!

We've gotta get rid
of that thing.

Hey, throw it in the closet.
Plants sleep in the dark.

That's what I'll do.

Bed time.

Nya-ah.

Wowee-wow-wow!
That was close.

Too close.

We better get that Phantom
before he tries anything else.

Where do we start?

The video directory
said he was a member

of the San Franaqua
Country Club.

Now, let's spilt up
and grill the members.

We got you, Shell.
Come on, Jab.

Hold it.

Let's see if those club members
can give us any clues, Jabber.


- I'll take the gym.
- I'll take the massage room.

By the way, what's your friend
Mr. Parmalee up to these days?

Excuse me.
Am I bothering you?

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

Mind if I ask you
a few questions, sir

about Mr. Parmalee?

Parmalee?
What about him?

Excuse me for asking,
sir, but, uh..

...have you ever seen
Mr. Parmalee hanging around

with any seedy characters?

Seedy characters?
Of course not.

No offence, just routine.

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

Thank you.

Oh, one more thing.

Ever noticed
if he has a green thumb?

Green thumb?

Just routine, sir,
just routine.

Well, thanks.

- Oh, one more thing--
- Will you get out of here?

Did you learn
anything, Jabber?

Yeah.
How not to ride a bicycle.

Abba-ba-ba!

Abba-ba-ba! It's the Phantom.
I mean P-P-Parmalee.

And that joker who served me the
pre-historic salad for lunch.

Woo-woo-woo. They're going
into the steam room.


Maybe we can sweat
some information out of them.

- I can't see a thing.
- Just hang on to me, old buddy.

- Ow!
- Ugh!


- Watch it, will ya?
- Oops. Excuse me. Sorry.


Our supply of pre-historic seeds
has almost exhausted, master.

We will obtain more
from the museum.

Meet me there at midnight.

Abba-ba-ba! Did you
hear that, Jabber? Come on.

Yikes.

- Not again!
- Make up your minds.


Let's go tell the others.

So, he gets
his ferocious Philodendrum

from pre-historic seeds, huh?

But this time
we'll be waiting for him

at the museum at midnight.

Hurry, it's almost midnight.

Jumpin' jellyfish!
The doors are open.

We all know
what our jobs are, g*ng.

Let's scatter.

Oh, boy! Wait till I get
my fins on that Phantom?

Boy, I'll give him a this, nyak!
And a that, whoop!

And one of these.

Wait here,
I will get the seeds.

Yes, master.

Midnight. Woo-woo-woo.
Time to unmask.

Gotcha!

- Now, bubbles!
- Uh, smile, Mr. Phantom.

Uh, just one more,
Mr. Phantom.

Let me get your good side.

Use your immobilizer ray.
Get that camera!

- We've got the evidence.
- Let's get outta here.

Faster!

Follow me out the back way.

Nya-ah-ah!

Abba-ba-ba!
Trapped!

Oh, great.
Now we're his prisoners.

Soon, you will see
my monster plants in action

against the
corporation's sea liner.

And after the attack,
I will deal with you.

What are you going to do
with us, you plant-happy creep?

Let's just say that you will
no longer meddle in my affairs.

Sonar detects sea liner

approaching our port beam,
master.


Seeds are in the
ejection chute, master.


Excellent.

Disperse seeds across
the liner's bow.


Jumpin' jellyfish!

He's going to bushwhack
that sea liner.

Reverse engines!
Full speed astern!

Perhaps now The Aqua
International Corporation

will take
my demands seriously.

Are we in a spot?

Even if we could break out of
here, those plants would get us.

Maybe, maybe not.
Watch!

I get it.
Let's help her, Clam.

Don't just stand there,
blubber. Tie knots!

Gotcha.

That'll hold those
leafy lunk-heads.

Yeah, Jabber and I
can take it from here

with the
old Jabber-spread-aroo.

So far
so good.

Yeah, but what now?

We get the camera and escape
in the lifeboats, what else?

Oh, I'll get the camera.

Oh, no!

Set a course
for San Franaqua.

What?

Oh, sorry, Mr. Phantom.
I'll send you some prints later.

They have escaped again!
Capture them!

♪ I told you once ♪
♪ One time ♪

♪ I told you twice ♪
♪ Told me two times ♪

♪ I told you near
a thousand times ♪

♪ I ain't got no money, baby ♪

♪ But I sure got lots of time ♪

♪ You told me once ♪
♪ One time ♪

♪ You told me twice ♪
♪ Told me two times ♪

♪ You told me near
a thousand times ♪

♪ I ain't got no money, baby ♪

♪ But I sure got lots of time ♪

♪ You wanna go
to a drive-in movie ♪

♪ Jabber-de-jab you say ♪

♪ But let me tell you now
it sure sounds groovy ♪

♪ I told you once ♪
♪ One time ♪

♪ I told you twice ♪
♪ Told me two times ♪

♪ I told you near
a thousand times ♪

♪ I ain't got no money, baby ♪

♪ But I sure got lots of time ♪

♪ You told me once ♪
♪ One time ♪

♪ You told me twice ♪
♪ Told you two times ♪

♪ You told me near
a thousand times ♪

♪ I ain't got no money, baby ♪♪

Help! Help

I give up!

Yay!

That will teach ya
to mess with the Jab.

Woo-woo-woo.
I'm a hero again.

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

We wanna thank you
for capturing this scoundrel.

And I also apologize
for not believing you.

You'll be glad to know
we rescued the sea liner

with the mobilizer rays like
we used on the Phantom's craft.

Woo-woo-woo. I guess your
worries are all over, sir.

I used the last
of the pre-historic seeds

on the Phantom's ship.

E-except for this one
I kept as a souvenir.

Are you out of your mind,
bubblehead?

Relax, Shell.

I re-wired this ray gizmo

so the plants
won't be mean anymore.

N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.

Watch!

Cut it out,
you love-starved daisy.

I guess I overdid it.
N-yuk n-yuk n-yuk.