01x01 - Was ist ein Circle Jerk?

[bunniefuu]

Zoé, where the hell are you?

The sh**t is about to start!

Can you even hear me
through your walkie-talkie?

We can start now. Come here.

We must go live. The client's waiting.

I need you, the wheel and the models. Now!

Zoé, where the hell are you?

If you don't show up now,
I'm wringing your neck!

Hey, I want the beauty light back there
and the softbox here.

Go! Move it!

Zoé, I swear,

this was the first
and last time I put you in charge.

I hope you heard that.

The very last time.

Let's play.

Where are Zoé and the models?

-No idea.
-Where is the wheel?

It has to be in the middle of the set!

I don't know either.

Ellen is going to k*ll me.

The Swiss want to start now.

Is the connection ready?

Go! Hurry up! Don't stand there.

Zoé, if you don't show up right now,

I'll take the stupid picture myself.

-Good evening.
-Hello.

Hello, everybody. Let's get started!

We're looking for
the right position for the wheel,

but you are welcome
to begin watching already. Okay?

Great.

I need Zoé on the camera. Now!

With the models and the wheel!

Yes, right there!

-My God...
-Great...

Welcome
You are not alone!

Very tasty...

ELLEN
It takes courage to face it. You have it!

Maybe some coffee.

Would you like to join us?

No.

I'll wait for you
to finish your coffee party.

Ciao.

So, you are the mistress of ceremonies?

Yes. But therapist is fine.

Nele, why don't you start?

I'm a romance addict
with a problem beeper.

Problem what?

Beeper. As in,
show me five guys in a room and...

Surprise! I'm in love.

But always with the most problematic one.

She falls for the wrong frog.

At least I don't f*ck the whole pond.

Better than not f*cking at all.

Cute, you two. Have you guys f*cked yet?

No.

Sex and dating aren't allowed.

-For real?
-Yes. Whoever has sex is out.

Hey, don't worry about it.
I wanted to as well.

Right. Ben is a sex addict.

-Relationship dolt.
-Sex addict.

Anyone want coffee?

Careful, Dennis. There it was again.

-What?
-What?

Fleeing from conflict.

Yes.

And that's?

Blind agreement.

Yes.

Okay. For the record,
relationship dolt, romance addict, and...

Yes, that too.

Dennis.

-I'm in a bad relationship.
-Why?

Because my needs have no place in it.

So, instead of breaking up,
you'd rather have your ba*ls crushed?

Yes.

I am very curious. Why are you here?

'Cause I don't want Ellen to fire me.

Ellen de la Berge.

-You know each other. Right?
-Yes.

She made me promise to come here,

-How long have you been here?
-Four months.

-And you, Cinderella?
-Nine months.

-And what about you?
-One.

-Month?
-Year.

I was Anja's first patient for this group.

Wow! It seems your circle jerk
is really promising.

Sorry, guys.

No offense, but do you know
the difference between me and you?

I love it. I love my freedom.

And I love to f*ck.

It's nothing ill*gal or perverse.
I don't do it with animals or balloons.

but maybe this little circle jerk
is exactly what you need.

There are two options. A: you're right
and everyone has a problem but you.

Which is very unlikely, but possible.

Or B: you're not as tough as you act
and you want to make some changes.

If so, you're welcome to come back
and discuss it further.

Maybe you should ask yourself,

why have they come here so long
and have so little to show for it?

What's a circle jerk?

-A soggy biscuit.
-Without the biscuit.

Without the biscuit.

Romantic addiction is a real thing.

I didn't know that either
until I found the questionnaire online.

Question one,

do you feel
like your life make no sense without love?

Question two,

Do you think you have no identity
unless your someone's lover?

Cinderella, are you crazy?

If you want to talk about this,
do it in there.

And here's some real world advice,
f*ck Mr. Nice Guy and relax.

What?

There's not much to romanticize
and nothing to fall for with Mr. Nice Guy.

No problem beeper, no problem.

Question four,

Have you had sexual encounters

in inappropriate places
or with inappropriate people?

Question five,

Does your sexual behavior
affect your reputation?

Come here.

Gross!

I don't have a problem. You do.

Well, problems or not,

I found people here
who make me feel understood.

Does anyone understand you?

And I mean truly understands you?

Close the door. Close the door!

Take the flyer with you!

Photographer is a great job.

It would be a shame if you got fired
just because you didn't come regularly.

ENTRANCE

She's a weirdo.

Like me. But crazy and a woman.

Typical newbie.
Still not ready for therapy.

Zoé's great, right?
I tried convincing her to keep coming.

She's right. We talk and talk and talk...

Hey, Anja knows what she's doing.

Anja is a pro.
She knows the journey is the reward.

And your journey leads to chlamydia.

You didn't even know what that was.

Thank God you enlightened me.

-Can you stop? Please?
-I will! I'll stop.

But we should all finally start.

Practice, not theory.

I think I'll take Zoé's advice
and invite a Mr. Nice Guy over

to have sex this weekend.

-You?
-What?

Yes. Completely unromantic

and with someone
who arouses no feelings in me.

Nele, we can't
do something that drastic. Can we?

I'm in. If that's your move, then I'm in.

I'll commit myself to Stella
until the next meeting.

Who the hell is Stella?

Stella is a girl
I've been dating for three weeks.

I only knew about Milla,
Nelly, Cindy, Steffi, Katie...

Stella is new to me too.

Her name doesn't matter.

Nele is right. It's time for action.

Awesome.

Anja will be proud of us. Thanks to Zoé.

What about you, Denni boy?

Sure.

Have you tried the,
"You're too good for me," trick?

When you can't break up,
so you make her dump you.

Only a coward would do that.

We're talking about Dennis.

I can hear both of you guys.

Take Yvonne for a romantic evening,
compliment her,

"Baby, you're the best thing
that's ever happened to me."

And then, you casually mention

that you can't understand
why she's with such a loser like you.

Snow White gin, cucumber slices,
cranberry nectar and lemon zest.

Gin Nele.

I'd throw my drink at you
if you did something like that.

Trust me. Yvonne has to want
to break up with you herself.

When you escape from relationships

That's his first true sentence in minutes.

Cheers.

"You are not alone. Everyone is welcome."

Are you doing it with a balloon?

Some people enjoy trying new things.

Unfortunately, it only gives you pleasure.

Why are you even here?

Shouldn't you be at the sh**t?

Canceled. The Swiss didn't like
the new model.

"New model"?

The old one broke his leg
during your wheel stunt.

He won't even be able to ride a balloon.

I could ride you.

Hey, what's wrong?

Cut the crap.

Is this about the threesome?

Are you jealous?

You know, I'm just...

Come on!
A lot of guys would k*ll for what we have.

Don't you think?

BEN - Don't forget. It's time for practice
rather than theory.

Mother complex.

Alcoholic.

No.

Sex addict.

A thousand candles.

Okay.

NELE
Hey Mr. Nice Guy. You like candles too?

We'll find a solution.

Models are a dime a dozen.

But this time without all the sex.

-I completely agree.
-No more freak show.

Just because you had problems
and lost control of sex,

doesn't mean I need sex therapy
with your Anja!

I'll be right back.

My dear girl, you are on very thin ice.

I'm in the middle of a crisis call
because we may lose this job.

And my first assistant quit
because he won't work with you.

Luca quit?

Yes.

He said you manipulate him,
and that you only care about yourself.

-f*ck it. He's an idiot.
-Wait.

I put you in charge of a sh**t
for the first time,

and what did you do?

Got tied up in a wheel
to get f*cked by models?

They only ate me out. Okay?
We never really f*cked.

I don't know why you boycott yourself.

But Anja is good.
She asks the right questions.

I have to get back to my Swiss dummies
to keep buttering them up.

I don't get it.

My God!

Dummies?

Glad you could join us again

for our latest episode,
this time, G-rated just for you.

-I'm sure it was noth...
-Goodbye.

You're worth more than you think.

Believe me. I know what I'm talking about.

I'll do it.

I asked Yvonne to come here today.

You're dumping her?

By giving her roses?

You told me to be romantic. So...

Yes, romantic.
But this is maybe a bit too much.

I knew I'd screw up.

No.

Just do it exactly like we planned. Okay?

Yes.

I'll put these on a vase.

Thanks, Ben.

Yvonne, it's over.

Ciao.

Difference between Full Brazilian
and Hollywood Style?

Tips for better sex

TREND STUDY,
better sex in tidy apartments

Snow White gin, cucumber slices,
cranberry nectar and a bit lemon zest.

With this drink
I used to win over every woman.

But now, I'm spoken for. Almost.

You asked me here
just so I could watch you flirt.

Maybe. Or to show you my latest drink.

You're not ghosting me then?

Ghost you? Me? Never. On the contrary.

-You hadn't texted in a week.
-Did so much time has pass already?

My God! I can't believe it!

Bear, are those from you?

To think that you could be so romantic!

The menu.

We don't need the menu.

A Moscow mule and a swimming pool.

My bear wants to celebrate.

Stay calm,

and remember,

success is 90% mindset.

He's just you're type,
and you'll never see him again.

Wow!

That looks cool as hell!

You already prepared everything.

May I come in?

Yeah, you just look so...

Yeah, this is not my Sunday best.

So, why are we here?
What do you want to tell me?

I just wanted to tell you

that you really are
the greatest thing in my life.

I didn't mean to ghost you, Stella.

I needed time
to think about our relationship.

You have any idea
how long I've been waiting for this.

Really?

Did you say relationship?

Yes.

Maybe it's a bit lacking
in terms of communication, isn't it?

Yes, that's true.
And I wanted to talk about that.

Choosing a bar was not ideal.
But that's not the point.

This is about us.

You're a real... romantic.

I'm really into it.

Great. But today it's only sex and ciao.

-So...
-Yes?

I would like to see you more often.

Like three, four, five...

eight times a week. And you?

Yet, it's also really nice
that so many people will witness this.

So, may I?

Yes.

You can't be serious?

Well...

-It's over.
-Did you just drink my c*ck?

I'd like to get to know you better.
I want to know when your birthday is.

I want to know your zodiac sign.

You look like a Pisces.

Let's start with my name.
My name is Milla.

And the sex with you was really good.

I know. I hear that a lot.

But that's not enough.

-Yes, it is!
-No, it's not.

You're just not
the long term relationship type.

But if you want...

then maybe we can f*ck again?

Come on, Ken.

Are you making a point by moving out too?

The Uber's on its way.

Will all this fit in it?

No idea.

We'll see.

I told you
I'm not a one-woman-one-man type of woman.

I know.

Do you remember our first sh**t?

The Elbe bridges?

Yes, that one.

You were new
and had no idea how things worked,

but you bossed us around anyway.

Ellen loved you right away.
I have no idea how you did it.

She hates everyone but you.

I was fascinated by you.

Such a cool woman, I thought.

That night you told me
the difference between love and sex.

Well, the difference for you.

That I don't orgasm from love?

You know the real difference?

After all the sex and orgasms...

there's just emptiness.

Unfortunately, it wasn't until yesterday
that I realized you'd rather f*ck around

than ask yourself why you hate everyone.

But I don't hate you.

You should check out question seven.

You're taking our coffee maker?

This is my coffee maker.

There is no, "Our."

Are you crazy?

I didn't mean to jump the g*n.

It's just so cool
that you're into candle play.

It's something not a lot of people like.

I have to go somewhere.

To the toilet, I mean.

Sometimes I wonder...

how an incredible woman like you...

can be with a loser like me.

Because I know
that you would never leave me.

And if you ever think about it...

But that's not why we're here.

I know you don't have the guts to do it.

-I don't?
-No.

So, I'll do it for you.

Really?

But I won't kneel.
The way you should have.

What is Candle Play?

NEWS
HAMBURG BLICK

23-year-old Injured himself
during dangerous pleasure play

sh*t!

Hi Ben, I wanted to ask you
what the symptoms of chlamydia are?

I need to get rid of a guy fast!

My dearest bear!

We have been together
for more than four years now,

and we have overcome many crisis together.

For example...

when you had to tell
our neighbors about their cat.

Or when you picked out
the wrong color for our bathroom.

Or when you had that bowel obstruction.

That's why, Dennis Egon Albrecht,

you wanted to ask me here and now

if I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with you?

Poopy bear...

Were you going to ask me to marry you?

To be together until death do us part?

Yes.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Everything all right?

Yes. It really burns when I pee.

And there's...

white stuff coming out the front of my...

my...

my peach.

Peach?

Yes. I have chlamydia. I just noticed.

sh*t, chlamydia?

Are you sure? What are you doing?

The curtain's on fire!

We gotta get out of here! Come on, hurry!

Yes!

All is gone.
Even my blankie was gone in seconds.

Practice is really hard, isn't it?

Will she be mad?

At least we all screwed up.

There will be three entertaining stories.

We just have to accept that Zoé was right.

No, she wasn't.

I mean, you guys are a bunch of losers...

But... question number seven,

"Do you believe
that you are not acceptable?

"That the pain inside you
increases no matter what you do?"

Yes!

I can't do it alone.

You're all looking for someone
who you can stand to be with,

but I can't even stand myself.

Anja was right.

All in favor
of welcoming Zoé as a new member?

Welcome to the Love Addicts.