02x03 - The Honorable Order of the Debras

[bunniefuu]

Narrator: Heavy is the
Debra who wears the crown.

But a crown can slip off just
as quickly as it is placed on.

This is the one time

a Debra doesn't want
to shed a few pounds.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Humming ]

♪ Debras, it's time for brunch ♪

♪ Ah-ah ♪

♪ Debra's it's time for brunch ♪

[ Screams ]

Put me down!

Hey! Don't you know who I am?

I am a Debra!

[ Screams ]

♪♪

Debra, we're here.

Strange.

I don't hear the
clip-clop of her hooves.

I'm worried. She's
not under her chair.

It looks like there's
been foul play.

Fowl play, huh?

Like that time we saw a
bird perform "Hamlet."

No, worse than that.

I think Debra's in trouble.

Hm. I haven't seen that one.

♪♪

I've seen this before.

[ Gasps ] That's a symbol from

Debra's book I'm not
allowed to touch.

♪♪

The book of Debra.

♪♪

Whoa.

♪♪

[ Gasps ]

This can only mean one thing.

She's been taken to the castle

of the Honorable
Order of the Debras.

I don't understand.
You half-wit!

It's where the most
powerful Debras convene.

If she's been taken there,
something must be very wrong.

[ British accent ] Aye.
Let's go to the castle.

[ Muffled speaking ]

And furthermore, I
will have you know

that I am
fifth-generation Debra,

so you better let me go.

[ Scoffs ] Please.

I'm 19th generation,

so don't try to
pull rank with me.

We're all Debras here.

[ Spits ]

Oh! You spit on your
mother with that mouth?

Yes, and she loves it.

Silence!

This is a serious matter.

You have violated your sacred
duty as a member of the order.

You have failed to produce
a child by the age of...

Ah-ah-ah. You don't
have to say it.

We all know how old I am.

Your ancient ovaries aside,

your disrespect for the
Order will not be tolerated.

But I've been trying
to have a baby.

I've been drinking my husband's
c*m every day for years.

Well, it's not working.

The Council must deliberate

as to what your
punishment shall be.

The Council?

Yes. We must cleanse you

so that you can
appear before them.

And judging by your vile stench,

it's gonna take a little while.

[ Groans ]

No, no! No! [ Screams ]

♪♪

[ Whining ] Debra, I'm hungry.

Can we please stop for a meal?

I told you to eat rocks.

They fill you up and don't
break down for years.

[ Crunching ]

Whoa! A Chompitos tree!

[ Gasps ] I didn't know
food could come from nature.

Hey, we're not
allowed to eat snacks.

A Debra must always
watch her figure.

You're not the boss
of me. Debra is.

Ha-ha-ha. [ Scoffs ] Fine.

But if you throw off
your waist-to-hips ratio,

we're both in trouble.

Now, come on. We're
burning daylight.

♪♪

♪ Chips taste good ♪

♪ Chocolate tastes good ♪

♪ Two best friends on
an exciting quest ♪

♪ We must save Debra
before it's too late ♪

♪ And I'd say best friends
is a bit of a stretch ♪

♪ We're on a journey
to see our friend ♪

♪ Before she meets
her untimely end ♪

Birds: Good luck, Debras.

Forest Woman: Who goes there?

We goes there.

[ Both scream ]

That's the oldest woman
I've ever seen in my life!

That hag is wearing hideous rags

that are not doing
her any favors.

She's a witch!

I was just sweeping

when I saw you girls eating
Chompitos off my tree.

Sweeping the sky when you were
riding the broom, were you?

I wanted to invite you in.

I've got a Chompitos
cake in the oven.

Oh, just as I suspected.

You want to fatten us up and
eat us, you f*cking witch.

♪♪

Birds: You did what
had to be done.

♪♪

You know, we really
did her a favor.

No woman should live
past the age of 30.

Promise me you'll k*ll me
if I ever get that old.

Of course. I already
know how I'm gonna do it.

[ Gasps ]

I dunk thee in
the name of Debra.

[ Rubber duck squeaks ]

Hey, watch it.

It is now time to
shavus the pubus.

No! No!

My life's work! No!

Oh, they'll be put
to good use, dear.

All pubis extractum are
donated to children in need.

[ Crying ] No!

[ Laughing ]

You must present
a humble exterior

when you appear
before the Council.

A potato sack.

May I at least belt
it? I implore you.

No belts.

[ Gasps ] I can't
cinch the waist?

But what about my curves?!

No!

[ Laughing ]

♪♪

♪♪

Mama mia, that's
a big-a building.

[ Dramatic sting ]

We must be brave, Debra.

We k*lled an old witch.
We can do anything.

Trespassers, how
dare you step foot

on these hallowed grounds?

And in those shoes?

[ Both laugh ]

Both: For Debra!

♪♪

[ Panting ]

The broom is mightier
than the sword.

En garde!

♪♪

Hyah!

[ Both gasp ]

Say hello to my little...

[ Gnome shatters ]

Is show and tell over, girls?

[ Both whimpering ]

Please don't hurt us!

We were just trying to k*ll you.

You're coming with us.

[ Both scream ]

Council: [ Chanting ] Debra,

Debrae,

Debratum,

Debrus.

Bring her in.

Council: [ Chanting ] Debra...

For the high crime of failing
to continue the bloodline,

you are now excommunicated

from the Honorable
Order of the Debras.

Please have mercy on my
wretched soul and perfect body.

Silence.

Extract the headband.

No! Please!

No! [ Screams ]

[ Crying ] No! No!

Lower the blade.

No. Please don't k*ll her.

She's just a baby.

No! [ Screaming ]

♪♪

For shame.

[ Door opens ]

Pardon the interruption,
your Debras.

We found these two
trespassing on the grounds.

What would you advise that we do

with these horrible
little women?

Debras, you're not
allowed in here.

How dare you try to save me?

Debra's been really
mean to me all day

and not in a fun way like you.

Debra ate junk food.
I told her not to.

[ Burps ] [ Gasps ]

How could you let
Debra eat that junk?

You know it makes her
fart out of her mouth.

No car privileges for a month.

I leave these girls
alone for one day,

and this is what happens.

[ Scoffs ]

♪♪

[ Council whispering ]

♪♪

Scolding, shaming, screaming...

It is now crystal clear

that you have been a
mother this whole time.

As long as you teach
these cretinous scoundrels

the ways of the Debra,
you will be spared.

I would do anything to keep
my Debra-hood. Anything.

You will have to legally adopt
these children as your own.

Fine. Even though
I am definitely

not old enough to
be their mother.

Sure, sure. Whatever you say.

It's a long line after you.
Sign the papers. Move along.

By the power vested in me

by the Honorable
Order of the Debras,

I hereby pronounce you mother.

Finally, a family of my own.

Mama.

You're free to go.

Girls come with Mommy.
We are going home.

♪♪

Kids these days.

They grow up so fast.

[ Laughs ]

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