01x10 - Beautiful Beauty Day

[bunniefuu]

[♪ theme music plays]

- You look--
- Twelve.

I look like I'm 12.

I didn't even know this was possible.

To regress this far. Become a child.

I'm still me.

Just like when you changed.

You were still you inside.

Yeah, I know.

We can't afford to be emotional right now.

We don't have time to mess around
with that.

We need to move.

- Where?
- To stop him. I'm not just gonna give up.

Cooper, look at yourself.

You'll trip over your g*dd*mn trousers
before you can even draw your g*n.

- Give it to me.
- What?

My g*n. Let's go.

I won't stay like this.

I'll grow up one day.

Right?

Well, maybe this is a gift, you know?

Maybe you can just say screw it
and start your life again from scratch.

Knowing everything that you do now.

That would be a gift, right?

[water running]

[♪ upbeat music plays]

- Tequila, please. Neat.
- [bartender] You got it.

- Boyfriend got a poopy diaper?
- Oh, f*ck you.

I'm sorry.

- I really am.
- [bartender] Here you go, ma'am.

[Antonio] I just find this all
inexplicable and f*cking...

terrifying.

So I joke.

How is he?

He's tired and wanted
to lay down for a bit.

[panting]

- He doesn't have any pubic hair.
- One less thing to worry about.

I don't have any.

- Can't blame him.
- This sh*t can't be permanent, right?

Stop asking me sh*t like that.
How the f*ck am I supposed to know?

Calm down. Calm down.
We have to strategize.

Are we still going for it?

f*ck yes, we are.

We just need to get our sh*t together
and move.

Right.

Then what the f*ck is the plan?

I say we call Diana. Get his location.

Use her and his wife, who apparently
hates him, to breach access.

Then we slit his f*cking throat.

Stop this. Stop what happened to us,
and now Coop,

who's been dealt the most f*cked-up hand
of all. How does that sound?

Yeah, I f*ck with that.

God, I love it when a plan comes together.

[♪ music plays on TV]

[all phones buzzing, beeping]

[commercial actor] Obesity and
advanced diabetes were threatening my life

and my legs.

I was told amputation was in my future.

- But not anymore, thanks to The Beauty...
- ♪ She's a Beauty ♪

♪ One in a million girl ♪

I'm living my best life.

♪ She's a Beauty ♪

[commercial actor 2] After a life filled
with antidepressants...

No.

[commercial actor 2] ...I became a cop
to help me cope...

Hey, I thought this sh*t wasn't dropping
till tomorrow.

[commercial actor 2] Cursed
by my family genes.

Until now.

[phones buzzing, beeping]

What is this?

♪ She's a Beauty ♪

- ♪ One in a million girl ♪
- ♪ One in a million girl ♪

[new Cooper] We're too late.

Is this a joke? This is crazy.

No need to consult a doctor. Protector
boosters are approved for everyone.

[commercial actor 4] Need help cleaning up
your gooey sac

or a soothing voice to hold you
through those beautiful sweats?

Visit The Beauty website to find
the package that's right for you.

♪ She's a Beauty ♪

- ♪ One in a million girl ♪
- ♪ One in a million girl ♪

[♪ eerie music plays]

[students chattering]

[student groaning]

- Don-Don't do it.
- Stop. It's fine. God.

[student 2] You told me it needed
another week to heal.

I need to see my new f*cking nose.

Go outside if you're gonna be
such a Karen.

- [groans]
- Oh, God! I can't.

[student groaning] Ow, ow, ow, ow.

- Does it hurt?
- Yes, it f*cking hurts.

What the f*ck?

[student 2] Are you okay?

Look at this.

- It looks great.
- This is not a Kendall Jenner.

[scoffs] I showed that f*cking butcher,
like, 50 classic KJen shots, and this,

this is what the best in Montclair
comes up with for seven f*cking grand?

[sobs] Do you know how many summers
I saved up for this?

How can you even tell
with all the swelling and the bruising?

You remember in second grade,
I broke my collarbone.

We both thought I was gonna be lopsided
for life.

Update. I'm not.

- Stop.
- Why? It's already f*cked-up.

No curve.

[cries]

No point.

- All I see is my f*cking dad.
- Ruthie--

No one wants to make out with a chick
with the face of a contractor.

- Relax, you're gonna make it worse.
- [sobs] It's throbbing.

Look, I'm not insane.

I let go of our Vogue cover dreams
long, long ago.

But, like...

this was all part of a plan.

I only applied to out-of-state schools
for a reason.

I can't continue the next stage of my life
being the same sad tomboy Ruthie

with a big f*cking beak.

I need to launch a new version of me.

A beautiful me.

I feel it too.

You know how hard it is for me
to find jeans

that give my a*s a boost
and hide my extra squish?

Mm-hmm.

- But you are more than your nose.
- [sobs]

You are amazing, and you will do
amazing things no matter what.

You are beautiful.

Got it?

- [suspenseful music plays]
- [Ruthie] Oh.

[student 2] f*ck. Oh. One second.

[student 2] Oh, my God.

[school bell ringing]

[students chattering]

[♪ upbeat music plays]

[commercial actor] Obesity and
advanced diabetes were threatening my life

and my legs...

[commercial actor 4] Visit
The Beauty website to find

the package that's right for you.

[commercial actor]
...amputation was in my future.

But not anymore thanks to The Beauty...

[commercial actor 3] Long ago, we were
forced to leave our best selves behind.

[commercial actor 2] After a life filled
with antidepressants

and crummy therapists...

Cursed by my family genes.

[commercial actor 4] Need help cleaning up
your gooey sac...

[commercial actor 5] Get jabbed
and feel fab today.

[commercial actor 7] Aging, illness,
no nursing home.

[commercial actor 6] I can't even remember
my own name...

No need to consult a doctor.

Get jabbed and feel fab today.

[door opens]

[students chattering]

Hey, c**t.

Yeah, you. Remember me?

I know. I got the shot.

That's right.

And now I have a better rack, a*s,
and Mark Wyler won't stop liking my posts.

No f*cking way.

- [grunts]
- [thuds]

[students screaming]

- [students cheering] Fight! Fight!
- [Tina grunts]

[Kallie groans]

Enjoy the view, b*tch!

[Kallie coughing]

[students screaming]

- [students gasping]
- [smacks]

[grunts]

Look at you! Look at me!

I won!

[Tina panting]

I'm gonna k*ll you all!

[cackles]

- What the hell just happened?
- [Tina grunting]

Tina Castle just whooped
Kallie Hanigan's a*s.

Tina with the front butt and training bra?

- [Tina grunting, screaming]
- She got the shot.

She got The Beauty.

What?

She's stunning.

Yeah.

And that side is called the hypotenuse.

To find that, use a simple little formula
called... the Pythagorean theorem

which, of course,
as you can see on the board,

is A squared, plus B squared
equals C squared.

[student screaming]

[student 2 groaning]

Send the nurse to room 216. Now.

- [cracking]
- [thuds]

[Teacher] Hold him so he doesn't hurt
his head. This is epilepsy.

[groaning]

[student 2 screaming]

Grab his feet.

He took something. What did he take?

- Joe, he took something. What did he take?
- Nothing. I swear.

We can't help him if you don't tell me.
You're his best friend.

He told me he got the shot this morning.

This is The Beauty?

[student 2 groaning]

[all screaming]

[gags]

[reporter 1] Despite
his shocking transformation,

the president says it is the best
he's ever felt.

Declaring this a new pharmaceutical
fountain of youth

and a modern-day scientific miracle.

On his way to Marine One,

he declared that he felt and looked
so much younger that, quote,

"Along with running for a third term,

I'm also going to run
for a fourth and a fifth,"

end quote.

[president] Byron Forst is a genius,

I look forward to hanging
the Medal of Freedom around his neck...

That stuff's really everywhere.

[president] ...when he's at the White House
next week.

[camera shutter clicking]

[reporter 1] Before leaving
on his trip to a NATO conference,

the president revealed that every member
of his cabinet has been given the drug

and cleared the way
for emergency use authorization.

With further federal backing, full
FDA approval is immediately in effect...

- Ugh. Whatever this is.
- [sighs]

...as questions about the nature
of its clinical trials remain.

Well,

at least the president doesn't look
like an octogenarian.

[reporter 2] Thank you very much,
Angela.

That was minutes ago from the White House.

We'll have more daily headlines
right after the break.

[clicks tongue] We're gonna need to talk
to her.

- [students] Fight! Fight!
- [Kallie screams]

[commercial actor] I'm living
my best life.

[Sir Ma'am] Okay, guys, I did it.
It's done.

I got The Beauty shot... [chuckles]

...at the pop-up at Christopher Street
one hour ago. Yes.

And, yes, I jumped the line.

Yes, I had the sponsorship,

but I was a little afraid, and I just

took the leap. [chuckles]

And news flash,
it didn't hurt at all. [chuckles]

And everybody at the pop-up was
so nice and so welcoming.

And just like the friendly nurse said,

I am starting to develop a fever.

But apparently that is totally normal.

OMG, I am so excited! [giggles]

Follow and like and watch part two
for the results.

Keep clicking for the big reveal.
[chuckles]

[grunts] Mmm.

[♪ "Also Sprach Zarathustra" plays]

You guys.

Okay, so I just looked in the mirror,
and do I have abs now? [chuckles]

And is my jawline really this snatched?

And can I finally fit into
this f*cking sherbet-colored Speedo?

[new Sir Ma'am chuckles]

Is this real life?

Oh, my God.

[parent] Dinner's ready.

What's the matter?

- Nothing. Why?
- Your mom worked hard

- to make a nice meal for you.
- Terry.

- [scoffs] It's true.
- I'm just not that hungry, okay?

[phone buzzes, beeps]

- [Terry] Uh--
- Uh-uh. What's the rule?

How is she?
That kind of surgery is not fun.

She's healing,
but she's gonna look amazing.

So is Mickey Larson.

[parent] Mickey Larson got a nose job?

No, Mom, he got The Beauty.

I watched him spaz and start changing
right in the middle of math class.

Jesus Christ. Really?

Everyone's doing it, and...

the ones who haven't will soon enough.

All right. I know it seems
that way now, but just wait.

No. I always wait. I really want this.

More than anything.

Bella, why on earth would you say
such a thing? You are so cute.

I do not want to be cute,

especially now when everyone else
is going to be that f*cking hot.

Look, I get it.

Okay? This is the hot new thing,
and you want in.

I begged my folks for a BowFlex
when I was in high school.

- You know how many times I used that?
- [parent] Just eat well,

- keep getting on your bike...
- You guys are such hypocrites.

You think I don't see that sh*t
in the fridge?

Ozempic is different.
I was on the verge of heart disease.

You're experimenting
with off-label diabetes meds.

A doctor prescribed it.
It's a medical treatment, honey.

Oh, please. Did the doctor also prescribe

those tight new jeans
you love strolling around in?

I see that smile
when you get a double take.

[parent] Bella!

[scoffs] Don't talk to your mother
that way.

Look, there is nothing wrong
with wanting to look good, feel good,

but there's more to life and more to you
than the chase for perfection.

Perfection?

Two summers ago, we spent every weekend
visiting Gram in the home,

and she didn't know who any of us were.

Uncle Richie, two kinds of cancer,

and The Beauty can stop that
and make me feel better about myself.

- I mean, you guys should want this too.
- I have to say I am shocked, Bella.

Look, where is my sweet girl?

Do you even know the first thing
about this?

- Like what it does?
- Yes, that's why I want it.

It's irreversible, Bella.

And we're starting to hear about all
these different kinds of side effects.

Oh. Yeah. Mutations, comas,

disfigurement, ignition ketosis.
Have you heard about that?

Stop. That's like a minuscule number
of people.

Only 5% of cases so far.

That's nothing. The odds
of me getting hit by a bus are higher.

Okay, that's not what I'm hearing.

And even 5%, 7%,
is that a risk that you want to take?

If I got a 95% on my research paper,
you guys would be sh1tting yourself

- with happiness!
- [Terry] That's enough.

It's thousands of dollars
that we don't have.

And neither do you. End of discussion.

You guys don't think
I can get five, ten grand?

[scoffs]

I get good grades, I play soccer,
my clothes are fine.

No one makes fun of me or bothers me.

Sounds great, right?

It's because no one even knows I exist.

I'm like a ghost just drifting
through life no one can see,

and I don't want to live
like that anymore.

Dad, what about the risk
of living a life unfulfilled,

of wondering if more is possible?

That's what scares me.

And now there's finally an out for me
a-and people who feel like me.

[scoffs]

I turn 18 in a week.

I don't need permission anymore.

You guys told me
to follow my dreams and passions

and to do what makes me happy,
and this is it.

I want to be the best version of me.
I want to finally be beautiful.

Oh.

Bella.

You guys don't f*cking
understand anything!

'Sup, Bel?

Hi.

You're usually more excited
for lunch with your bestie.

Mazel, b*tch, it's me.

[Bella gasps]

Wow.

- [giggles]
- [Bella] Holy sh*t.

[new Ruthie] What do you think?

- You really solved your nose problem.
- Right?

Oh, my God.

[new Ruthie] Do I not look devastating?

[Bella] How and-and when?

Over the weekend.

I gave Ben and Sarah the sob story pitch
about the botched nose job,

and the parentals caved.

- Really?
- Yeah, really. [sighs]

I don't know if it's, like,
them feeling bad

about putting me on Adderall when I was
ten or if they just genuinely know, like,

how important this time in my life is,

but they ponied up
for the full poke treatment.

What's that?

[new Ruthie] The full platinum
concierge experience.

First, there was Conor.
Talk about a warm welcome.

Welcome, Ruthie. I'll be your chaperone
for your treatment today.

[new Ruthie] Bel,
this guy was f*cking hot,

and he was a real beauty.

We're pretty chill here.

Just whatever you do,
don't call me "nurse."

Those are for doctors and hospitals
and negative energy institutions,

and this is not that.

My only purpose is to gently guide you
to your best self.

Whenever you're ready. No rush.

[Bella] The paperwork must have been
a nightmare.

[new Ruthie] Not when your parents
pay 20 grand.

[beeping]

[automated voice] Welcome, Ruthie.

[new Ruthie] There was, like,
one stupid form.

I don't even know what it said,
but it was probably fine.

[automated voice] Thank you.
Please proceed to your treatment.

A tonic to help cleanse
and balance the body.

We believe it makes the change easier.

[new Ruthie] It was like
the best spa day ever on steroids.

They had everything.
Juices. Tonics. Aromatherapy.

I hate to say it.

You remember Stacy's Instas from Bali?

Dude, it was like that.
Some real White Lotus sh*t.

I'll step out while you get
into your transformation robe.

Take your time.

And then they gave me the shot.

[Conor] Lay back.

Ready?

- [Bella] Did it hurt?
- [new Ruthie] No.

Isn't that so weird? I kept waiting
for it to hurt, and it just never did.

And I don't know if that's
because I was with Conor and I was, like,

totally smitten on him,

or maybe I'm just used to it now
'cause of all the stupid COVID stuff,

but I seriously would have let
Conor stab me,

like, a thousand times if he wanted to.

All set.

Thank you.

Follow me to your no-harm experience.

[new Ruthie] After that, they took me
to this room, right?

Sure, totally normal,
except there was no furniture.

- Just floor-to-ceiling cashmere padding.
- Oh, my God.

It, like, looked and felt like heaven.

I'm telling you, Bel,
this place was f*cking legit.

We're gonna be right here, Ruthie.

[new Ruthie] And as if Conor wasn't enough
to keep me happy,

in walks another hottie,
and I started sweating.

- [Bella] Because of the guy?
- [new Ruthie] That's what I thought.

Turns out that's just the beginning
of the treatment.

Just relax. We've got you.

[breathes deeply]

[gasps]

[new Ruthie] They said I took, like,
three hours,

but because they spritzed my dose
with some kind of, like, benzo,

I was able to just...

[smacks lips] ...sleep right through it.

[water running]

[laughs]

[new Ruthie] I just went in,

took a little nap.

I woke up three hours later and...

[sighs]

...I looked like this.

Oof!

Uh.

Wow. How...

How-How does it feel?

Incredible, but also, like, super weird.

I don't know, it's hard to explain.

You just have to experience it
for yourself.

It's like magic.

Wait,

I gotta show you these.

[sighs]

- Oh. You look hot!
- [new Ruthie] Wait, look at this one.

Yeah, I am hot, I know.

- [Bella gasps]
- Yeah, that's me. That's also me.

[Bella] Oh, my God. I'm dead.

Looks like you finally got that reboot
you always talked about.

I know,

and just in time too.

Like, f*ck nose jobs and thread lifts.

This is how you start college.

Like, I get to go in there

the best version of me.

And I don't know about Northwestern.
Like, maybe I need to go somewhere else.

Somewhere beachier and, like,

sexier, like Miami.

Or even, like, Hawaii?

Yeah, but y-you want to be a journalist.
That's why you're going there.

Things are different now.

[chuckles] And I think
I want to be a model.

Wow.

- Wow. [chuckles]
- What do you think? [chuckles]

Um.

I... I am insanely jealous,

obviously.

I'm very excited for you.

[chuckles]

It's just, um,

when you're off in Paris

running around on photo shoots and stuff,

just don't forget about me,

- okay?
- What are you talking about?

- You're literally gonna be there with me.
- [scoffs]

You think I would do this
and not think about you?

How long have we been best friends?

Forever.

- Duh.
- Duh.

[new Ruthie] When I was leaving,
Conor stopped me.

You're one of the lucky ones.

This experience isn't attainable
or affordable for most,

but there is another way for people
to at least get a dose.

So if you knew of anyone,

I can help.

[new Ruthie] He said he can help people

that can't get it the normal way.

What do you think?

Is it legal?

- "Is it legal?"
- Okay, sorry.

So what's your holdup?

Just, did anyone say anything
about side effects?

Um, yeah.

They did mention,
like, a tidal wave of hot d*ck,

and you'll probably get asked to prom,

- like, way more times than you can count.
- Ruthie.

Be so for real.

- What?
- Is there anything crazy

- that could happen, like... like dying?
- No. No.

No, they did not warn me that I might die.

Okay?

If you want,
I can ask when I go get my booster.

And you have to get boosters for life?

Like, what happens if I stop taking one?

What happens if my dad stops taking
his Lipitor or his Lexapro?

You want to talk about side effects.

This is what was best for me,

and...

I think it could be
what's best for you too.

Call him.