02x03 - Radio Frankenstein

[bunniefuu]

-Hi. Trophy fantasy.
I just got a call

About an emergency
situation with my daughter?

-Yes. I'm afraid I have
some deeply concerning news

About annie.
- Huh.

She dead? $40,000 for
damages, final offer!

-Oh, she's not
dead, mrs. Fantasy.

Honestly, it might be
better if she were.

There's no easy way
to say this, so...

I'll just
come right out with it.

Annie sucks!
- Yeah, she's boring. No doy.

oh, there's doy!

Florida treats this kind
of thing very seriously.

You see, to combat the
psychic trauma caused

By our increasingly
chaotic and stupid world,

We, as educators, must

build up
young people's resilience.

- Uh-huh.
- We've had to implement

Extreme measures.
- Oh. Oh.

What the...?
- Follow me.

-♪ I'm not as crazy
as I used to be ♪

♪ some of my devils
up and left me free ♪

♪ to find a quiet space,
I'm not as out of place ♪

♪ and I'm coming home again

♪ it's been too long a time
gettin' back what's mine ♪

♪ and I can't remember
why I went away ♪

♪ but it's lookin' now
like maybe I can stay ♪

Is that any good?

-Welcome to our state-of-the-art
social studies lab.

That's right, we finally figured
out what social studies is.

Florida is proud to have created

The first party-based resilience
curriculum in the nation.

The crowd-wide synchronism
associated with teen gatherings

Has been scientifically
proven to increase endorphins

And improve social-emotional
coping skills.

Plus, it at least allows
teens to have some fun

- Before humankind comes to an end.
- Whoo!

- You look confused.
- So, due to budget cuts,

You guys got rid of science,
textbooks, and toilet paper,

But you have funding for this?

Yep! On the left

Is your daughter's brain.

And this is a scan
of a normal teenager.

You'll notice annie's party lobe
is significantly underdeveloped.

not even an a-cup.

-No wonder she's
home every weekend.

I've tried to pressure
her into going out,

But she says she likes
spending time with her family.

Disgusting.
- Oh, boy.

Here's annie, working with one
of our occupational therapists.

-What do you see
in this picture?

-Coastal erosion
and rising seas?

- Ugh!
- No! No!

-Look, unless annie
begins to party,

She's on a dangerous path

With a terrifying
future ahead of her.

As of now, she's on course
to graduate high school

and attend a private

New England college

On full scholarship!
- Aah!

- Is that what you want for her?
- Stop!

You don't mean that.

-I see you're in
denial, miss fantasy.

You need to open your eyes
to... And excuse my language...

The party pooper that
is your daughter.

-Oh, no.

Excuse me!

Did an adult drop this?

-She's just really
into recycling.

It's the glass!
- Let her out.

-Mom? What's going on?

Am I in trouble?
- Big trouble, missy,

And it's all your fault!

-Uh, actually, since
annie's a minor,

I'm afraid you're
both in trouble.

We've had to report
annie's case to the state.

- Ugh!
- Cps will be sending

A social worker to
your home tonight.

-Cps? Isn't child protective
services for abused children?

-Child partying
services, young lady.

They'll be determining
if annie needs

To be removed from the home.

-Goat, you need be
baba little helper now.

Why are you drink off
floor like postal worker?

-Hey, baba. I bought
some dress shorts.

Are you ready for
a fashion show?

hey!

Since when does he help
with the embalming?!

That's my job!

-Baba and goat
glued together now.

Baba mistake corpse glue
for sunscreen.

But it okay.
- What?! No!

If anyone should be
glued to you, it's me!

come on!

-Your hurt goat!

We do fine pressed together.

but... but...

We... you and me...

Have consultation appointments

With widowers this afternoon!

You can't meet
customers like this!

- Why not?
- Goat great with grievers.

- She have amputated nose.
- Uh-huh.

-What's the goat
got that I don't?!

Besides horns, a
cute curly beard,

Dreamy eyes, the
ability to eat tin cans,

Boatloads of mojo...

stop!

I'm not talking to you!

-Okay, when cps gets here,

You should throw
up on the floor!

Repeat after me!

Underage drinking is the
best kind of drinking!

And prepare to party to
the state of florida's

standards!

Just follow mommy's lead.

-Hi, I'm jill with
cps. Sorry I'm late.

A teen's parents
were out of town

And, instead of
throwing a rager,

He called an sat tutor. Fool!

Well, his a*s is in party
foster care now, thank god.

-You can't let them take
me to party foster care.

A girl in my pre-calc had to go.

They don't let
you wear underwear

And they confiscate
all of the supplies,

Even staplers!
- Just play along.

-Are you ready for
your evaluation?

-Of course. This gorgeous sl*t

Is my daughter, annie.

Annie, walk of shame over
here to meet jill, would you?

-So... Dru... Nk!

Bite me, pantsuit!

-Alright, pre-partying,
fashion risk.

We like to see that. Can
I assume you're headed

To at least one
underage party tonight?

-Oh, she'll be there.
It's not a party

Till annie shows up.
I mean, throws up.

Throw up a little for her,
huh, sweetie? Come on.

-And how many of these
bubblegum-flavored malt liquors

Am I supposed to believe
you've had tonight?!

Blow, please.

not only
are you completely sober,

It's showing you recently rolled
four of a kind in yahtzee!

I've seen enough. I'm
afraid -

You're going to have
to come with me.

-Wait! Annie has
special needs.

Because of partying...
My partying.

Trust me, I'm a
professional train wreck.

Here, look at my tr*mp stamp!

- Hm.
- It's still infected!

-Well, certainly a plus
when children are corrupted

By their biological
parents, when possible.

Tell you what... If
annie could complete

100 party hours this weekend...

I'll consider -

-Letting her stay
under your roof.

This device will
track your progress,

But it only logs
real party hours.

Don't try to fool it with
book clubs and zoom proms.

See you Monday at 9:00 am sharp,

And you better be
riddled with regret.

-But there's not even 100
hours between now and then.

-Party hours aren't linear, kid.

They're measured
in poor decisions

And how long you
go without peeing.

Good luck to you both.

-Now, what do we do?!

I wouldn't even know
where to fi a party!

-Hush, my little lame one.

I know a ton of high school
parties we could go to.

My high school parties!

Remember fun?!

Death powers, activate!

-Aaaah!

-So, I think I can
freeze the glue off.

no! Unh-unh!

Why are you wearing
your going out vest?!

-It Thursday.

Baba have hag night -bah.

-And it my week to
control thermostat.

not
going to miss.

-But I've been asking to
come with you every week

For three decades.

And you always say no plus ones.

Now, he gets to go?!

-If you thought goat
was good with customer,

you should
see him work his magic

On a room full of hag.

-I was only somewhat certain
it would come to this.

Hold still!

oh!

Peter! Stop being so jealous!

When goat fall off,
I make time for you.

-Ha ha!

Guess I will be coming

To hags night, ha!

I just have to pee, first.

-Let's burn all our clothes!

Ow! My n*pples!

-When are we?

-Summer before my
sophomore year.

I figure we can rack
up the hours faster

By reliving some of my
more debaucherous blowouts.

It's win-win... you get to see
how fun being a teen can be

And I get to relive a time
when I was actually happy.

-Are you sure about this?

What if we rip a hole
in time and space?!

What if someone offers me
drugs or gets me pregnant?!

Or talks to me?!

-Chill out, annie!

You can't get
pregnant at a party!

It's too loud!

-That's definitely not true.

- Whoo!
- Less talking, more alcoholic lemonade

And bad choices!

Lemonade shouldn't hurt.

I'll do this to
avoid foster care,

But I wish you'd just realize

I don't like parties!

I mean, what was so
fun about this one?

-I don't know.

I guess you had to be there.

-But you were there!

-Oh, wait, I remember.

I made out with
this hot older guy

Who kept trying to feel me up.

He had these big muscles and...

-Mom, I think that was a
fireman giving you cpr. Look!

-Ha! I must've passed out

While playing the
car on fire game.

- Uh, what's that?
- You light a car on fire,

Then see who can stay
inside the longest.

Guess who... 3, 2, 1!

-Oh, my god! The forest!

We got to save the trees!

- Whoo!
- Nope. They all burned down,

But they built a very
convenient -oh, yeah!

- Parking lot in its place.
- Aah!

Arson!
- You're welcome.

Time to party hop!
- How about one with a bathroom?

-Fine, but you really
should be soiling yourself!

It's the partier's way!

huh.

-This is hag night?

Where's all the haggy food?

-Fun is we bet nickels on who
would win most games solitaire

And eat pickled oreos.

Now, shh!
- Baba!

This your kid?

-Finally!

We've been waiting
so long to meet him.

- It's really my pleasure.
- Oh!

he so handsome.

- very clean.
- Hey!

I'm her son!

Baba, aren't you
going to introduce me

To your hags?

That noona. Her
thing is she uptight.

-Sit up straight when you meet
new person for first time!

-That uula. Her thing is

She like sex.

-I free spirit.

If you weren't baba's boy,

I'd tame you like circus bear!

-That ooga.

Her thing is she have house.

-You're welcome.

-And what's your thing, baba?

-Baba's thing is she has
to get away from her son.

sunshine! Of course.

No sunshine for baba.

She burns so easily.

-Enough talking! I can't
hear my mouse click!

-You sit on floor.
No make trouble.

you heard her.

-Sophie had the best parties.

Mm, her parents were
always out of town,

Probably because they
loved her so much.

Bathroom's upstairs. I'm going
to go steal some silverware.

-Can you take a picture of me?

wait! Another one!

I wasn't ready!

does my hair look cute?

-You bet, trophy!

Post.

Make sure she doesn't choke

On her own vomit, would you?

I want her to live long enough

To feel the humiliation
of these pictures.

I threw up in my bra!

- Here, have some water.
- Thanks.

You're so nice. Are
you a veterinarianen?

-Oh, man, I wish!

Mind if I hide out in here?

Parties kind of freak me out.

-That's why we drink, stupid.

- annie!
- What's taking so long?!

-Uh-oh! The laws of
physics will not like this.

Don't come in!

I know your instinct is
to hole up in the john

And wait the party out, but...

Oh.
- Why does that mirror have feet?

-I'm you, hot stuff.

In the future!

- Uh.
- Stop!

Don't interact!

This could be dangerous!

- Shh!
- I guess I had

Some self-loathing issues.

Try loving yourself
more, you idiot!

-Well, maybe you should
try hating yourself more?!

-Uh, way ahead of
you, sweetheart.

Been there!

k*lled that.

- What?
- We have to go.

-I love you!

- off, zombie.
- Aah!

-Oh!

Agh!

I'm bored.

shh!

-What's the point
of getting together,

If you're all just
going to play solitaire?

-Ooga husband has
porn addiction,

So he pay for fast internet.

-But you're not
even playing online!

-Baba, do something about boy.

I can hardly hear goat chew.

shhhhh!

-Hey!

- Aah!
- Whoa!

-Baba, your boy more disruptive
than time uula convinced us

To hire a male stripper
to be bartender.

-I'm so sorry, oona.
Let me help you up.

- It noona.
- Peter, no!

oh, no!

- Ugh!
- Great!

Now, husband will
have to masturbate

To me doing sexy push-ups irl.

That's it!

Hag night over!

New rule!

No kids named peter
allowed at hag night!

-That actually old rule, too.

-Whoa, mom!

You're onstage!
- Whoo!

-Ahh!

-That's weird!

I remember everyone catching me.

-Why do you keep showing me

Nights you were too
drunk to remember?

-Because I do remember them,

Just not the way they
actually happened!

That's what partying
is all about!

-Okay! 4 hours down, 96 to go.

-Do you know why you've only
logged four hours, so far?

-Because we've been going to
parties for four long hours!

-Because you've only been
watching the parties!

When you party the party,
you lose track of time! Here!

I saw you watching
a montage video

Of the "harry potter"
actors set to this song,

So I know you like it.

Now, start dancing!

There you go.

Yeah! Wow! Wow!

Get low.

Come on, keep gyrating

Your turnip-shaped
body like that, annie.

The movement's tricking
your ankle monitor

Into thinking you're partying!

-I'm doing it!

I'm partying!

Ooh!

Yeah!

-Now, this party, I know

I actually made
out with a hot guy,

All night long, baby!

Where's the teen me?

-He is cute.

-Ugh! I guess he isn't
the one I got herpes from.

Good kisser, though. Huh.

It's like a regular party,

Just with more
bacteria and residue.

-Foam me, bruh!

Whah-aah! good shot!

- Careful!
- Whoa!

I think you just made be
10% less brain damaged.

How'd you know that
was going to happen?!

Because scanning my environment
for possible sources of danger

Is how I like to have fun.

-Why'd you come here
with your grandma?!

She's creeping me out.

- Oh, no!
- Aah!

-And it's back!

Best foam party ever, right?!

-I love this for you!

But mind if we quantum leap
to a party with snacks?

Okay, I see teen you over
there, but where's the party?

-There isn't one. But, if
kirk's sucking my face,

No one's manning
the cash register.

Free hot dogs!

whoo! Hot dogs! Hot dogs!

You know, cps may
be on to something.

This does sort of
feel cathartic.

Maybe parties can be okay,
if you go with a friend!

-The cops are coming!

Run!

You're going to bail
me out, right, sophie?

Enjoy prison,
b*tch.

-Well, they can't
get me this time.

I'm not underage anymore.

-I'm underage.

-Oh, right.

Run!

baba, you awake?

-I awake.

I try turn goat on
side, open airway.

I can't. My hands
are too little.

-Come on! I lift, you roll.

1...

-2...

-3.

I'm sorry I ruined
your hag night, baba.

-At least you no snore.

think he's having a nightmare?

-Ha! Silly peter.

Goats don't dream.

Aaaaaaah!

-Aaaah!

-Whoa! I can't believe baba let
you have a party in high school!

-Oh, she didn't. I told
her it was a funeral.

I let lonny feel me up,

So he'd pretend to be
a corpse all night.

I'm going to go raid the fridge.

Don't drink the punch.
- Hey, cute girl.

you look lonely.

- Ugh!
- Baba find you nice boy.

Oh, petey!

-We... Ll, howdy, there.

Please forgive my
friend mr. Baba.

She likes to play matchmaker.

- Oh, god, pete!
- Oh, have we met?

-Enough small talk!
Flirt with girl!

Mr. Baba, please!
You're embarrassing me!

I don't usually say
this to just any girl,

But you want to go upstairs
and see my acne cream?

get back upstairs!

No one invited you
and your creepy dummy.

- Mr. Baba is not creepy!
- I was talking

To mr. Baba!
- Oh, man!

sorry
about my brother.

I can't wait till I can grow up

And never have to
live with him again.

Agh!
- Can I help you?

-Actually, I was
looking for a condom.

-Um, trophy, if I may,

Intoxication actually
precludes consensual sex.

-Oh, I'm not drunk.

I just hate myself so much

That I look, feel,
and act drunk.

-In that case,
I've never had sex,

But I always come prepared.

Pun not intended. Gross.

gotcha!

I'm totally drunk!

-Oh. Oh, no.

-Look what I
found! Pepsi blue!

Wow, do I miss post-9/11.

-Oh. Whoa!

-Hey, what's wrong with
you? Why are you blinking?

-I just gave teenage
you a condom,

But now, I don't feel so good.

-Geez, le touche!
This must be the party

Where I got knocked up with you!

I knew the music
wasn't loud enough!

See?! This is why I'm so
passionately anti-condom!

-I think I'm about
to not get made.

I knew I could die at a party.

Aha!

-Put that girl
out of her misery!

She can't party for sh*t!

-Maybe not. But you're
having fun tonight, right?

And you remember the first rule
of w*r in parties, don'tcha?

-Mm...

-Aah!

-Never leave a man behind.

Go!

-Yeah!

Oh!

I'm okay!

-Told you this funeral
home's haunted.

Ugh! Look at that
thing. Sickening.

-I put a hole in
that condom, annie,

Because you not being born

Would've put a hole

In my heart.

Teen trophy's up there,
filling with sperm as we speak.

-You actually saved me!

I was like 75/25 odds on that.

-Look!

You partied for the
equivalent of four days!

I hope it's enough
to keep you at home.

Let's go!

-Come back, pretty girl!

-Well, I have to
admit, it's encouraging

You completed all
100 party hours,

But even the wettest blanket

Can manage a single
wild weekend.

Annie, what has this exposure
to partying taught you?

And I'm going to
remind you to keep

Your "lord of the rings"
references to a minimum.

-Well, first of all, it
taught me that dancing is fun.

-Show them, sweetie.

-I'm still not liking
what I see here.

Principal shepler,
please prepare

Annie's records for transfer.

-Wait! I also learned
that, at parties,

Unplanned things happen.

And that, even though they can
seem like terrible mistakes,

Later, you might decide

That you're glad the
mistake happened.

You might even choose to
make it all over again.

-Annie, I'm sorry, but
you're now ward of the state.

-Keep dancing! Keep dancing!

You know, the world
needs nerds, doctor lady.

They keep us from
eating laundry detergent

And help us develop the
technology to download porn!

And, if my kid is a nerd,
then I'll be the first

To shove her into a locker.

Because I love her!

-Hm! Impressive.

Both the dancing and
the tenacious defense

Of your boring-a*s daughter.

Okay, annie can remain in
the home for the time being.

-But that doesn't
change the fact

That she's just not
florida material.

-It remains our recommendation

That annie leaves the
state when she turns 18.

-So, mom, I was thinking,
since you can time travel,

Why not go back in
time and un-abandon me?

We can finally get
those 15 years back.

-Oh, annie!

I wouldn't change those
15 years for the world!

I partied in castles
and dumpsters

And the grandest of canyons.

A billionaire gave
me a racehorse.

That's a
once-in-a-lifetime thing.

If I didn't go through that;
and you, your... Stuff...

Would we be

The incredible
women we are today?

-You know, I think
we're really starting

To thrive as a throuple.

-I agree!

If this is what
poly mean, I sold.

Oh!

- We're free.
- oh.

-Huh, I guess I'll
head up to my room.

-♪ when we go, we
go from a to b ♪

♪ we go from c to d

♪ we go 1, 2, 3,
4 -[ bleating ]

♪ then we go, we walk
on through the house ♪

♪ and we walk outta the house

♪ we go 1, 2, 3, 4

♪ when we go, we get
inside of our cars ♪

♪ we come outside
from our cars ♪

♪ we go 1, 2, 3, 4

♪ when we sleep, we sleep
inside of our beds ♪

♪ we crawl on out
from our beds ♪

♪ we go 1