02x06 - Old Man Dancing

[bunniefuu]

This is the most
important topic.

I say that with no reservations,
no doubt.

This is absolutely
the most important topic.

And I feel,

having this forum,
it would be irresponsible of me

to not say something.

News stations will not
talk about it

because it's grim
and it leads to bad ratings.

So people change the channel,

so they know
they change the channel,

so they don't talk about it.

The subject is climate change.

Climate change is real,
and it's devastating.

Individually, personally,
you can do some things about it,

but the big things
are up to the people

who make the big decisions.
The CEOs, the politicians.

And...

in this case, your letters,
your votes, your dollars

have something to do with it.

If they hear from everybody,
climate change is real,

and they're not gonna
put up with this greed...

then they will do something.

And if you're like
my age and feel like,

"I'm not gonna be around
that much longer to have it...

have it have
an impact on my life."

What a f... as*h*le you are...

to leave the kids with this.

And can you
imagine being some--

Can you imagine
being 18 now, and...

knowing that the world
is headed in this direction,

it'll either be on fire
or underwater or whatever.

I mean, so--
And you're 18, and what,

so you're gonna go
practice the violin now?

You're gonna go
study your algebra?

No, you're gonna go
rob a convenience store.

Makes more sense.

Climate change. It's for real...

and it's not fun.

Now, back to fun.

♪ ["I HOPE SHE IS OKAY"
BY MARVIN PONTIAC PLAYING] ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Bum ♪

♪ Ba-dum ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Ba-dee ♪

♪ Bum ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba
Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ [HUMMING] ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak, kak-kak
-♪ Ba-bop, ba-bop ♪

-♪ Kak-kak ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak, ka-ka-ka-bop ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak, kak-kak ♪
-♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba ♪

-♪ Kak-kak ♪
-♪ Ba-boom ba-boom ba-boom-ba ♪

♪ [HUMMING STOPS] ♪

I'm always curious about how
some of this vocal stuff

happened, like...

how...

did HBO decide on that thing

when they flash "HBO"
on the screen and it goes...

♪ Ahhh ♪

I mean, was there a meeting
and the composer said,

"Yeah, I think it should be
a bunch of male voices

going, 'Ahhh.'"

I mean, it's great
and they've used it for years,

it really works, but I mean,
how did it happen?

How did it come about?
I'm really curious about that.

I really wish I had been there

for the first time
Morricone did the score

for The Good,
the Bad and the Ugly.

When he brought the scores in
for the orchestra.

And I just imagine
the first soprano saying,

"Excuse me, Maestro, um...

after the recorder...

what's written here is I go..."

[SINGING] "♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪"
[LAUGHS]

"Is-- is that correct?"

And Morricone was like this
really conservative-looking guy.

Like, he...
you know, thick glasses

and always wore a suit
and a tie and...

"Is that what you want?"
[SINGING] "♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪"

He's like, "Yes,
this is correct," and then--

And if he had the courage,
the... uh...

the first person
in the male chorus,

"And, Maestro, um,
right after that,

in the ocarina section,
you want us to go..."

[SINGING] "♪ Bo, hop, bo... ♪"
[LAUGHS, SIGHS]

Yeah, I just wish
I had been there for that.

But I'm always curious
about vocal stuff,

like, how it come--
I understand how music works

with musicians...

[CLICKS TONGUE] ...and, um...
but with the vocal stuff,

I'm really curious.

[SINGING] ♪ Wah, wah, wah ♪
[CHUCKLES]

-[INSECTS CHIRPING]
-[BIRDS WHISTLING]

I did this thing
for a Barney's commercial

for my friend Glenn O'Brien.

And he called me and he said,

"I've got these
four 30-second spots,

and I hate the music,
and I need you to come by

and save this thing for me.

But we have to do it right now."

And I said, "Well, what?"

And he said, "Just come.
Do something."

So I went,
and brought a harmonica,

and in the studio,
there was a mandolin,

and a broken toy piano,
and I brought my harmonica.

So I did something,
and pretty good little things,

on each one,

and on the last one,

it was a guy just going
through Barney's,

looking for clothes,
and so I went...

I just sorta-- There were--
That was it for the instruments

in the studio, so I went...

[HUMMING] ♪ Doom-pa, diddly-dum
Pa-doom, pa-doom, pa-doo... ♪

Like the guy was humming
to himself while he was looking.

[HUMMING] ♪ Dum-pa
Diddle-di-dai, diddle-di... ♪

And it worked!

And then, somebody who had
something to do with
that commercial

recommended me
to this advertising agency

for this other thing.

And I get a call
from the advertising agency,

and they want me
to do music for them,

but they don't have
the account yet.

It's for-- I want--

I shouldn't say the names
of these people, I guess,

I don't know
how that works, but...

Big advertising agency wants...

It's auditioning for
a big oil company account.

And I said, "Well,
when you get the job, call me."

And they-- "No, no, no.
We have--

We need music
for these commercials

and we'd like you to be
on our team and..."

"I don't wanna be on your team,

but I'll do music for you
if you get the job."

"Well, we'll pay you...

not the whole, you know,
not a substantial amount,

but we'll pay you
to do some music

for this commercial
before we hand it in,

and then when we get the thing,
then, you know,

you'll be our composer."

[CLICKS TONGUE]
I said, "I don't know, man."

But I didn't--
I didn't say a flat out "no."

I didn't say a flat out "no."

So they sort of thought
I was doing it.

I'm in Midtown
and I call my office,

and they say, "You know,
they're expecting you

at this recording session
for the, uh...

oil TV commercial."

I said, "I don't have anything,

but maybe
there's some instrument."

You know, if there's
instruments lying around,

I'm gonna just fake it,
you know.

[CLICKS TONGUE]
And it's all these...

like, you know, I just...

probably 18 guys, two women,

and their--
the guys' suits are just--

I don't know what they cost
at that time.

They look like
ten thousand dollars suits.

They just...
They're just unbelievable suits,

and their hair,
and they're perfect,

they're perfect, these people.

And the two women, and...

you know the type.
And they're all there.

So I'm out
in the recording area,

this big room
with just a microphone

'cause there's
no instruments at the place.

And, um...

they're all
in the control booth,

all staring out at me.

So, I haven't even... [CHUCKLES]
...seen these commercials.

And it's somebody pulling up
to a gas station

and then a guy--
a very friendly attendant

cleans their windshield
and fills his car with gas.

And so I go...

[HUMMING]
♪ Dum-da-diddly-dum ♪

♪ Ba-dum, ba-dum, di-dum
Ba-diddly-dum ♪

♪ Ba-diddly-dum
Ba diddly-dee... ♪

So I'm humming
for the guy doing the work

in the gas station.

And as these advertising people,

in order to pay for
their 12,000 dollars suits,

they have to
interject something.

So the first one goes,

"Could you sing
a little faster?"

And the next one goes,
"Yes, and on--

after your third
'dum-da, dum-da,'

could you take that up higher?"
And then, you know, it just--

And they all have to
suggest something.

[HUMMING] ♪ Dum-da-diddly-dum
Da-dum ♪

[HIGHER] ♪ Da-dum
Da-diddly-dum ♪

♪ Da-dum, da-dum, da-dum... ♪

"Oh, wait, sorry,
that wasn't fast."

Then I do it again.
And they were like--

They clearly think
it's terrible, and then...

So this goes on for a while,

with them sitting there
in their suits

with their serious faces,
making suggestions,

and me just
wanting to get out of there.

And then, so, "Okay, faster,
goes up after the third 'dum.'"

[HUMMING FASTER]
♪ Dum-da-diddly-dum ♪

♪ Da-dum, da-dum
Da-diddly-dum ♪

[HIGHER] ♪ Da-dum, da-dum
Da-diddly-dum, da-dum, da-dum ♪

And they go, "Um, okay, maybe we
should move on to the next one."

And the next one is
a guy coming in to pay

for his gas bill and they say,
"You could have used

the card right at the machine,"
or something else.

But I've got no instruments,
I got nothing, so I...

[HUMMING]
♪ Dum-da diddle-dee-deet ♪

♪ Da-da-da-dum
Da-da-da-dee ♪

♪ Da-dum, da-dee, dee, dee ♪

[LAUGHS]

Yeah.

♪ ["WAH WAH"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING] ♪

-♪ [GUITAR PLAYING] ♪
-That's Doug.

-♪ [PIANO PLAYING] ♪
-Evan.

-♪ [DRUMS PLAYING] ♪
-Kenny.

-♪ [CELLO PLAYING] ♪
-Jane.

-♪ [BASS PLAYING] ♪
-Tony.

♪ [INSTRUMENTS PLAYING
HARMONIOUSLY] ♪

-♪ [SAXOPHONE PLAYING] ♪
-Michael.

-♪ [TRUMPET PLAYING] ♪
-Bernstein.

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

I used to do this a lot, live,
and there was a part for Calvin.

It didn't quite work
until later,

so he's not on here.

The score says,
"Calvin, dance like a tree,"

and he would do that,

which he was very good at.

♪ ["ALI HUM"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADES] ♪

Put the lotion in the basket.

That's toothpaste.

-That will work fine.
-Okay.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

JOHN: When I was nine,
my father took me

to the 1962 World Series
at Yankee Stadium

between the San Francisco Giants
and the New York Yankees.

My Uncle Jerry
had gotten the tickets.

And I didn't think
about it then.

I mean, you don't think
about these things

when you're nine, but...

I just loved that my uncle

got his brother tickets
to the World Series

that couldn't have been
easy to get...

so he could take his son.

And they were good tickets,

on the third baseline,
pretty close.

My father was a Giants fan.

Probably all the way back
to 1915 when they played

at the Polo Grounds,
he was a Giants fan.

But I was a Yankees fan.
I mean, Mickey Mantle.

I mean, I loved Mickey Mantle.

But not just like
as a ball player,

but there was something
about Mickey Mantle

that I really
deeply cared about.

There was something about him
that captured my heart.

I used to worry
about Mickey Mantle.

When I was seven,
I used to have this thing

where I would
pull on my eyelashes...

and if I pulled out an eyelash,

Mickey Mantle would hit
a home run.

And if I had two,
he'd hit two home runs.

I'm not sure
where this came from,

but it used to hurt.

And I would do it
for Mickey Mantle.

And I remember
my mother's bridge club going,

"Oh, he has
such beautiful eyelashes."

And I didn't tell them
how I got them,

that I pulled out
my eyelashes for Mickey Mantle.

I didn't tell them that.

I didn't think
they'd understand.

So we're at the ball game,
and my God...

the Yankees, it was Roger Maris,
Tom Tresh, Elston Howard,

Bobby Richardson, Tony Kubek,
Whitey Ford.

And the Giants had Willie Mays,
Orlando Cepeda,

Willie McCovey,
Felipe Alou, Juan Marichal.

And they were just these
two amazing teams,

with all these stars.

Legends.

So my father and I bet
a quarter on the game.

And it was a pitcher's duel,
nobody was scoring.

It went into the seventh inning
and there was barely

a hit in the game.

And the Yankees
scored three runs,

in the bottom of the seventh.
And the game seemed over.

It's like, nobody's
gonna get another run.

And the ninth inning comes...

and there's two outs
in the ninth,

there's a runner on first,

and Ed Bailey
comes to the plate.

Turns out Ed Bailey
was an all-star

and a good catcher,
but he just looks--

I'm nine, and this guy looks
kind of a little overweight,

and not like an athlete at all.

So I'm thinking, "It's over.
My dad thinks it's over.

And so we bet a quarter
and he's gonna lose

and he's gonna
pay me the quarter."

And he reaches
into his pocket...

to give me the quarter.

And what happens next
is something

that's just deep in my brain.
I remember it.

I can see it
like it's happening right now.

I can see the pitch,

I see the quarter
in my dad's hand.

I see Ed Bailey swing,

and I hear the thwack
of the bat,

that sound where a bat
hits a ball perfectly,

a wooden bat that, "Whack!"

I see the ball going out
towards right field,

towards the foul pole,
but no, it stays fair,

and it's a home run,
and it bounces off the railing

up into the air, and the fans
are reaching for it.

And I see my dad's hand
with the quarter in it,

and I go to reach for it,
and he pulls his hand back

with a big smile on his face.

His team has a chance.
He's the kid now.

And I can see
the love in his face.

-[INSECTS CHIRPING]
-[BIRDS WHISTLING]

♪ ["OLD MAN DANCING"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING] ♪

♪ I think it's important
To move a little bit ♪

♪ Every day ♪

♪ Stretch ♪

♪ Even if you're tired
Or old or sick ♪

♪ Move a little bit ♪

♪ Go in the other room and dance
While nobody's watching ♪

♪ For three minutes ♪

♪ Just three minutes
And then, after a few days ♪

♪ Your body will crave it ♪

♪ It'll be something
You're dying to do ♪

♪ I built this platform ♪

♪ So I would have
A place to dance ♪

♪ Dance like
Nobody is watching you ♪

♪ Even if you have
A show on HBO ♪

♪ Dance like nobody's watching ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪

♪ Yeah! ♪ [GRUNTS]

♪ Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow, pow ♪

♪ Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow ♪

-♪ Oh ♪
-♪ Pow, pow, pow, pow, pow ♪

♪ Pow ♪

♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪

[INSECTS CHIRPING]

♪ ["PAINTING BANJO"
BY JOHN LURIE PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

♪ [WESTERN MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

[GALLOPING HOOFBEATS]

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

That's the way it is.

[LAUGHS]

♪ ["THE FIRST AND ROYAL QUEEN"
BY THE LOUNGE LIZARDS PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪