01x05 - Debatten

[bunniefuu]

We'll destroy the DSP.
When we're done with Rosengren,

he'll be crawling out of the TV studio
a whimpering mess. Okay?

Sure. See you at the studio

an hour before, for the rehearsal.

No! Two hours before. This is
the last big debate before the election!

-Absolutely. Two hours before.
-Good.

No, wait!
The lump of coal, do you have it?

I'll bring it from the office.

Great. Mouthy's here.
But the next time we speak,

-wear some more clothes.
-Don't FaceTime me at 7:15 a.m. then?

Okay. So that lump of coal
is making another appearance?

Props are good
when you lack talking points.

It's Elsa's most lethal weapon,
but we do have talking points.

I get it. But "Mouthy"?
I hadn't heard that one before.

It's what Henke calls Elsa.
He never says it to her face.

-Okay.
-You must promise not to tell anyone.

-Promise!
-Sure. But why "Mouthy"?

-She has a hang-up.
-Okay?

She hates when people
are watching her mouth as she speaks.

-For real?
-Yeah.

It's a quirk. Everyone has one, right?

-I'm sure Roxanne has one.
-Hey...

You're not kidding.

-What's that?
-Bad news, good news,

-no news. An energy bar for everything!
-Wow!

How about a Caramel Cashew for breakfast?

An amazing offer. But...

...how about going out
for breakfast, together?

We did say that we'd wait
until after the election.

You're right.

-My phone is about to die.
-Not a problem.

Here. Use my charger.

This is a huge step.

-Almost on par with moving in together.
-It's not!

-Yes, it is!
-Then I want it back.

Give it back. I need it.

Don't bite me there!

Everyone. Your attention, please!

The study, "Surf Solo: Welfare Technology
as a Solution to Loneliness of Seniors,"

is finally finished!

It's a beautiful thing
to do a study on loneliness...

...together.

This will make the Ministry of Welfare
a household name.

Well... Here's to SoU 2022:75-Q3!

-Impressive!
-Cheers.

Thanks, Pingis, for the great cake!

HAPPY STUDY, EVERYONE!

Yes, did you make it yourself?

-Yeah.
-Oh, wow...

-Looks delicious!
-Sure does.

Okay, but the journalist is here
and we've already started,

so I'll be home later.

No, I don't know when.

There are lots of frozen dinners
in the freezer. Just pick one

and pop it into the microwave.
Okay, kisses.

Kid logistics?

Husband, actually.

-Are you guys still ready?
-Yes. We're rolling.

I'm looking forward to
talking about "Surf Solo," finally.

-Yes. Go on.
-The implication of our extensive study

is that old people are lonely!

I was really shocked.
Who could have guessed?

But luckily, we've come up
with a solution.

If DSP wins the election,
everyone over the age of 75

will receive their very own tablet!

That way, they can keep in touch
with their loved ones and...

any friends they might have.

If they're not all dead, that is.

Exactly, maintaining
social contacts, basically.

-That's what I said.
-Yes, exactly.

And what effects
do you foresee this having?

-This is fun. Did you read it?
-God, no.

No! No, no, no...

What happened?

This effort will improve
old people's sense of well-being,

which will benefit society as a whole,
as our study shows!

But that's not all!
If the old folks need a break

from "Face-Living" their grandkids
on Instagram. For instance,

to watch the news,
they can just press this big red button.

This effort will improve
old people's sense of well-being,

which will benefit society as a whole,
as our study shows.

-Is that...
-They can get the news on social media

or have video calls
with their grandchildren...

Is that live?

-...all to make the elderly...
-Yes, um...

-...and it's an important statement.
-It's live.

There must be some misunderstanding.

It seems like you need
to work on your internal communication.

Can we still run the piece with Roxanne?

-Well...
-Yes?

We were supposed to be the first
on this story, and we aren't.

-No.
-No. Thanks.

How about some cake?
And we can talk about it?

This effort will improve
old people's sense of well-being.

He nicked each and every word!
The whole study!

He stole my election promises! But how?

I encrypted that folder personally!

There must be a mole.

Okay, let's calm down
and address this problem.

-This is cashew! I hate cashews.
-Yeah?

-Okay.
-And here's some cake

-for Roxanne and Lisa!
-Better hold off on the cake, Pingis.

There are no nuts,
in case you're allergic.

Thanks, Pingis. No one's allergic,
but none of us are feeling so good.

I quite understand. Just look
at the Prime Minister, poor thing!

-What happened to him?
-He's in the hospital, apparently.

-What?
-It was something he ate, it seems.

Great! There's our solution.
He'll need a replacement for the debate.

-Lisa, Lisa!
-I'm here.

You're invisible sometimes.
You should get a reflective vest.

You know what? Call Kaminsky!
I'm doing the debate with Elsa!

-What do you want?
-Hi!

Be brief. I'm in Frankfurt with the PM.

Frankfurt? Didn't he suffer from
some kind of food poisoning?

Right. Food poisoning.

He'll be better soon, so we're
flying back to Stockholm tonight.

Right. About that.
The TV debate versus Elsa tonight...

Roxanne would like to sub for the PM.

Sure, and I'd like a pony that talks.

No. Mikael's doing the debate.

If this is about the study...
We brought reporters here.

-It was our study, after all.
-It was the party's study.

-Yes, but--
-But Mikael presented it,

so he's first in the ratings
and will do the debate.

-Yes, but...
-This conversation ends now. Ciao.

No!

Let's just get over there!

-Where?
-To the TV studio!

Let's see who gets in the door first!

So you're gonna wrestle
with Mikael for it? Not a good look.

-We'll make a deepfake.
-Yes!

-What's that?
-When you replace people's faces

-using a computer.
-My face ending up on Mikael's body?

Ugly as sh*t. Bad idea.

Mikael's in Fagersta anyway.
At a steel plant.

-And what do I do with that information?
-How do you know?

Wait. Great!

A steel plant, accidents happen there.

Some worker "happens" to lose a leg,

goes into shock, Mikael has to stay,

show his support,
take selfies with one-legged man...

Which makes Mikael into
some sort of hero...

-Forget it.
-Stop fidgeting, please!

Berra, you know something. What is it?

Okay, fine!

But only because
we worked so hard on that study,

and it's not fair
that he gets all the credit.

-But what he did was wrong too.
-Spill it out!

I know how to make Mikael miss the debate.

All coordinators use
the same booking system

to cover for each other in case
someone gets sick or goes on vacation...

-Is this going somewhere?
-Give her a chance.

The booking system determines
where the SÄPO cars pick people up

and where to drive them,

so I can reroute Mikael's SÄPO car

to drive him in some other direction,
away from Stockholm.

That's perfect! Do it!

Come on!
Send him to the middle of nowhere!

-I was thinking more like Alingsås?
-That works too.

Wait, won't he notice
that he's heading to Alingsås?

f*ck it. It might work.

I worked with Mikael for two years.
He's as vain as the rest.

If he knows that he's going on TV,
he's sure to be wearing an ice mask

to get rid of his eye bags while
listening to some life coach bullshit.

-You're unique. You're special.
-Wake me up ten minutes before we arrive.

He won't notice a thing.

Ice masks don't even work. Ice melts!

Okay, I'm gonna do it.

NEW ROUTE CONFIRMED

Well done, Berivan.

You're a winner. Nothing can stop you.

Now let's do my plan
and just go to the TV studio.

Almost...

Hey, don't forget that we still
don't know who the mole is.

God, you're so creepy,
sneaking up like that.

-What are you doing?
-And you?

You're not texting Mikael
about our plan, by any chance?

-No!
-So I can see your phone then?

Yes.

What the hell is that?

It's videos of people extracting pimples.

-So gross!
-I find it soothing.

If I were you, I'd check out who
had access to all codes and logins.

-Berivan would never, ever...
-No, but...

-Let's go, Bill.
-Sure.

-Come on, Saga, let's roll.
-Coming.

Have you noticed that all
opposition parties use props?

It's like a thing. Is this the right way?

Hi, Lisa Langås here,
press secretary for Roxanne Wiklund.

As you know, the PM won't be
able to participate in this debate,

and I think you have been informed
that Mikael Wahlström will take his place?

God, this lump of coal
has more followers than Roxanne.

Exactly! And now Mikael Wahlström
has been detained as well,

so Roxanne Wiklund
will be taking his place in turn.

Exactly. That's right.

Terrific, it's a deal.

See you soon then. Bye!

Yes?

-Yes!
-Yes!

Pingis, Pingis, Pingis.

-How did it come to this?
-What do you mean?

Stop pretending. I know what you did.

-I don't know what you're talking about.
-No?

You walk all over the place,
checking on everyone, "Hi, there."

Who would suspect dear old Pingis?

-Oh, boo-hoo.
-What are you doing?

She's the mole! Yes!

She has all the passwords and logins.
The works!

I've let you down!

I told you!

I said the cake was homemade,
and it was at first.

But the marzipan was more difficult
than I thought so I had to order one.

-Online!
-There, there.

-On the Internet.
-But, Pingis, the cake looked great.

Right? And delicious!

Yes, scrumptious.

There, Pingis, I'm so sorry.

Hi.

-Aren't you dressed yet?
-No, I never got around to it.

-Are you working here now?
-No.

But if you turn on the TV tonight

you'll see us giving
the New Conservatives hell.

What?

Your first lady will be debating Elsa,
now that Mikael is...

...eliminated.

Is Mikael... dead?

No, he'll be mad as hell,

but not dead.

-I will use this.
-Perfect.

-What is that?
-Destiny's old lacrosse stick.

She won two Swedish Championships with it.
It will win the election.

-It'll work. Let's go!
-Darling,

are you sure about this?

Let Mikael do this.
You do the next debate.

What next one? It's now or never.

Let go of me!

-Hi!
-Hi!

Hi.

-She looks like a worm in a suit.
-Roxanne...

She looks like she rolled in glue
and ran through childrenswear.

-That's it, Elsa. Go for the jugular.
-Yes.

Isn't black passé?

THE DUEL

The election is in four days.

Welcome to the final debate,
here on The Duel.

Welcome, Roxanne Wiklund,

Minister of Welfare
for the Democratic Coalition Party.

Thank you.

And Elsa Falk, party leader
of the New Conservatives.

-Thank you.
-Did you set it up?

Prime Minister Bengt Rosengren
will not be here tonight,

-due to a minor illness.
-Your numbers are dwindling, it seems.

-Right.
-That's good news for us, I'd say.

We'll see, I'd say.

Energy first. What should we do
about the climate change,

and how are people
to afford electricity in their homes?

-Roxanne Wiklund, DSP.
-Thank you.

I have three words for you:

Wind, wind, and wind.

This government's investments in
renewable energy will benefit both

the climate
and people's household finances!

Wind power, says the DSP.
Elsa Falk, what's your response?

What can I say?

In reality, the government's talk

about wind power is
wishful thinking, nothing more.

Year after year,
the DSP has promised people

clean energy,
but they always return to this!

The DSP's solution to the energy crisis.

Dirty fossil fuels!

I'm just wondering...
I'm genuinely sad, standing here.

How long will the Swedish people
be forced to heat their homes

and cook food
for their children using this?

This piece of coal
once again speaks volumes.

Roxanne Wiklund,
how do you and the DSP respond?

This is my response.

This is how we will deal

with all this old, bad, dirty energy!

-Carbon capture, ladies and gentlemen!
-Boom, boom, baby!

This is just one
of several modern technical solutions

in our big
and robust environmental plan!

It's totally safe,
of course, and totally stable.

Knock out in the first round!

That's how stable the government's
new technological solutions are.

Not stable at all!

We'll take a short break and for those
streaming this there's comments by Markus.

This would never happen in real life.
It's just... You get it.

Josef, keep the engine warm.
I'm going for a victory piss.

Everyone deserves to fly inexpensively...

So I guess we're moving to plan B?

Yeah, or plan C. Our plan A feels
kind of like a plan B in hindsight,

doesn't it?

Roxanne!

We should have brought a colander
or a rake instead.

Why are we even using props?
Only the opposition does that!

It's not over yet.

That's the problem! I have nothing.

I'm so stressed, I can't remember
my stance on the issues!

Ten seconds to air!

-Places, everyone!
-Roxanne, listen to me.

Watch her mouth.

-What?
-When Elsa speaks, stare at her mouth!

Don't take your eyes off it!
Trust me. Just do it!

We're back, and we're moving on
to the job situation.

What policies are needed
to reduce unemployment in Sweden?

-Elsa Falk?
-Thank you.

Sadly, unemployment has become sort of
an epidemic during DSP's time in office.

But unlike this paralyzed government,
we in the New Conservatives have

concrete, clear proposals on
how to boost Sweden's labor market.

During DSP's reign,

unemployment has risen
by 1.2 percentage points...

which means that seven...
seven thousand...

seven... hundred and forty thousand...

-My point is that the number of
-What the hell?

unemployed has gone from
740,000 to eight hundred... forty...

No, forty hundred thousand!

I mean eight hundred thousand!

We need to expose,
I mean appoint, an instigation...

estigation... an equestrian...
no, that's horses...

An investigation on the climate,
I mean the jobs!

Will you stop staring at my mouth,
you sicko!

Mouthy, for f*ck's sake!
What are you doing?

-We ask that you stay on topic.
-Of course. I apologize.

Roxanne Wiklund.

That's your job, f*cking Smurf!

You're the one in charge of PR!

What is DSP's plan to reduce unemployment?

I'll be happy to tell you.

We in the Democratic Coalition Party
have always stood up for Sweden's workers.

"Will you stop staring at my mouth,
you sicko!"

-Cheers!
-Cheers!

Well-f*cking-done!

Ninety three percent think
Roxanne won the debate.

-Oh, yes!
-That must be some kind of record.

That's a huge number!

That was worth
stretching your morals a bit, right?

-Yes, well...
-Listen...

-shots.
-Shots, shots, shots!

A very small shot for me, then.

Five shots of Fernet.

JOSEF BIERMANN:
I can't wait.

Hello,

Heard anything from the sheriff yet?

-Kaminsky? No.
-Good.

No news is good news.

Hello, want to sleep together?

How in hell do you oversleep
for a debate that starts at seven

-in the evening?
-I don't know.

I took a quick power nap
and woke up in Alingsås.

She drove in the wrong direction!

But lucky Roxanne.
She got her moment to shine.

-What, Roxanne?
-She took your place in the debate,

and did very well!

So that's how she wants to play? Listen.

I have important information
about Roxanne that you should know.

Yeah?

What a rush! I feel like I'm high.

This must be what cocaine feels like.
I totally get it.

-Björn, are you listening?
-Yes, cocaine?

Nothing can stop me
from becoming head of the party.

Zero point nada.

I see. Interesting.

Keep this to yourself. I'll notify you
when I've decided how to proceed.

Bye.

You little Scanian rat!

I thought I was clear about the deal.

You will regret not listening.

You always say that
if I wish for something,

-it will become reality.
-Yes.

Tonight, I actually think you're right.

I have three words for you.

Afterparty, afterparty, afterparty.

Bill, is it you?

-Is what me?
-The mole!

No, Janne, it's not.

-sh*t!
-Come on, let's go!

-Let's go, Lisa!
-Coming.

-Which places close at three?
-All of them!

Bye!