02x09 - Nothing Is Agreed...

[bunniefuu]

I'll see if they are ready
to receive you.

In German!

PARLIAMENT

The Dutch negotiators
have been waiting

for half an hour already.

Good, good.

Send them in.

Can I go? Can I let them in?

Yeah, OK.

It's not a great time.
How many are you?

OK. It's a one drink minimum.

And no fighting.

Wait. I'm sorry.
You can't come in, sir.

OK.

How long do you think we'll be here?

Until we reach a deal.

Or one of the negotiators cracks,

takes off all their clothes,
and starts crying.

Hey, kiddo! How are you?

-Good.
-So, Rose,

did you say all the right things
about electrofishing?

No. Oh, OK.

It has a lot of advantages.

It's about preserving the seabed

and also, see this fisherman
here in the drawing,

the little one with the red beard?
He's smiling.

Surprisingly, the fish are too.

-They're paralyzed with happiness.
-Yes.

-Electric fishing.
-Yes.

It's about encouraging innovation.

Valentine?

-Valentine?
-Yes.

Oh.

Everyone's here. Great.

No one says that.

They're so shady.

They're weird, even for Dutch people.

So, that's the fundamental piece
of the Blue Deal.

It's an accounting measure.

It's going to be hard
to sell it publicly.

We're not here to worry about
my little career, Samy.

We're here to change the world.
Can I count on you?

Yes.

Yes.

Short, long, long,

Valentine's espresso,
Jorge's decaf. Decaf, decaf, decaf.

There's no decaf. Who cares?

Will you hook the Leviathan?

Will you grab it by the tongue?

Will put a gold ring in its nostrils?

Pierce its jaw with a hook?

Will he press you with supplication?

Speak to you in a soft voice?

Will he make a covenant with you

to become your sl*ve forever?

Raise your hand to him

and you won't dare attack him again.

Coffee?

You'll have a hard time
getting the Dutch

to agree to the change
in accounting standards.

The member states are up
in arms about this directive.

Yeah, well, I'm in charge of coffee.

Unless you can find
their weak point, of course.

Do you know how to bend the Council?

If you want to know
what their weakness is,

you have to tell me yours.

I'm still looking
for my deputy's weakness.

No. Yours.

There's an English girl I like.

No, what do you care about
in this negotiation?

Why do you want to know that?

Will you play with him like a bird?

Will you tie him up to amuse
your young ladies?

Finning. It's finning.

What you have to understand, Samy,
is that the Dutch

are negotiating on behalf
of the 27 member states of the EU.

They cannot openly push
for their own priorities

or they'll lose the confidence
of their partners.

Now, if Parliament were to propose

abandoning the proposal
that they have an issue with...

-And which proposal is that?
-Electric fishing.

Electric fishing?

Their priority is to scrap
the ban on electric fishing?

They've invested a lot in it.
They have the top fleet in Europe.

I'm not surprised.

And the accounting?
They don't care about that?

The accounting regulation is
a problem for all 27 member states.

If the Dutch drop it,
all the states lose.

Whereas the ban on electrofishing

only affects the Netherlands.

OK.

So, they would prefer to sacrifice
collective interests

to protect their own interests.

You just summarized
the diplomatic history

of the Netherlands
since the Union of Utrecht in 1579.

-He didn't tell you why?
-No.

It's a bit scary, isn't it?
He is the minister.

-He just wants to have coffee.
-Yeah.

At four in the morning?

The former head
of the Sicilian mafia, Toto Riina,

often invited his lieutenants
to dinner without explaining why.

It was either a promotion
or an execution.

He would wait until the end
of the meal

to tell them which.

I don't see him like that.
He seems nice.

So did Toto Riina.

-Valentine!
-Mr. Minister.

The Dutch said

you want to take on
accounting regulations.

-Tell me about it.
-Yeah.

Benoit, will you make him a coffee?

Of course.

Yes. I'll take some stevia.

I won't have a coffee, actually.

I didn't introduce myself.
I'm Samy Kantor,

Valentine's chief of staff.

-Benoit.
-Nice to meet you.

Big day today.

I said big day. We're in a trilogue.

We're negotiating
over accounting standards.

Accounting and capitalism are...

Big topics.

I like to say they're two sides
of the same coin.

Sorry, excuse me. You're very nice,

but I have seven trilogues to manage.
That's why...

Sorry. Excuse me. I'll let you work.

No, it's my fault. Don't worry.

The trilogue on regional policy
in which we're discussing

the release of 248 million euros
to overseas territories.

OK, fine.

Then agricultural policy.

I'm negotiating banning


Yeah, we're negotiating over
one or two things too.

Emissions regulations.

Deciding the future
of Lafarge and ArceloMittal.

Yeah, that's...

And then there is trade defense,

which involves some arm wrestling

with China, the United States,
the WTO.

So, your trilogue on...

-Fishing.
-Yeah, fish.

It's not really my top priority.

No, I can imagine that you...

And you Germans are getting
on my nerves.

Accounting standards aren't
a federal responsibility, you know.

-In Germany, it's the Lander.
-Yeah.

Yeah. Anyway, all you need to know

is that the minister
is dangling a job

in front of your boss

so she'll go back to her nest.

What?

I don't think so.

MPs always go back to bed.

No, not Valentine.

Not Valentine.

I didn't introduce you, Samy!

-I'm the director of the cabinet.
-Nice to meet you.

My assistant.

Maybe we'll cross paths
in Paris then.

-Thanks.
-Thank you, Mr. Minister.

Thanks for the coffee, Benoit.

Well, I'm sending
the minister packing.

You need to find me some
pro-fishing arguments

for the debriefing.

Valentine? I'm proud to work for you.

Yeah. Because I can see
the headlines now,

"Parliament backs down
on banning electrofishing,"

and we'll be rowing in behind it
with our accounting proposal.

What? Wait.

-Valentine? Agreed to what?
-I'll explain it later.

It's all good.