01x06 - Is Sum Ting Wong

[bunniefuu]

Hello, dear. I'm late again.

Got to Brighton
about 2 A.M. this morning.

Doing some WWOOFing
on organic farms.

[all laugh]

♪ I'll see you
in the next life ♪

I slept, I played video games,

had a really nice, long soak,



♪ When I'm hounded,
release the b*tches ♪

Aah! [all laugh]

Come on.

I mean, those f*cking windows
will be shot out.

Do you know what I mean?
Aah! Aah!

- No. [gasps]
- Look.

She's never
been out the house without.

It was a rough night last night.

Was it good?

Oh, I wish you could have come.

♪ Turn it out,
you got to turn it out ♪

- Not too long.
- I hope tonight is smoother.

[laughs]

We made it through that night.



She said, "Stop the music!"

I said...

[laughs]

Cut. Go through with the act.

Oh, my gosh.

Is that fine, then?

- That's fine, isn't it?
- Close it?

Just had a sh*t.

Darling, do you have
any dietary restrictions?

Big dicks and fat chicken.

Word, okay.

I flew Miss Geo in
just for this haircut.

I'm feeling a lot better now.

Much bettah!

- Stop it!
- [laughs]

All set, luv.

Thank you, baby.

Mwah, mwah.

Better shine.

Oh, that's not as bad
as I thought it would be.

I'll shake it off
in the corridor.

Okay.

It smells like poop,

and some of these girls
have got the bowels

of a f*cking,
I don't know, giant.

I imagine a giant
has bad poo like that.

Crystal the p*stol's here.

Welcome to my home.

This is a really cute
dressing room, actually.

I hear Sum Ting coughed egg
all over Gothy.

Oh, my God,

that was the grossest thing
I've ever experienced.

Me, Sum Ting, Crystal,
and Vinegar went for breakfast,

and I was halfway through
my lovely eggs Benedict,

and Sum Ting was halfway through
her second one,

and sneeze-coughed
halfway through.

Eggs Benedict all over me.

I mean, like, all over me,
like a shower of egg.

Gothy had egg in her hair.

And on her jacket,

all over her food
that she paid 15 pounds for.

And, like, the restaurant
just went completely silent.

I had to get, like, a napkin
and wipe it all off my face.

It was that bad.

And she was, like,
hysterically laughing so much

that she started to vomit water
on, like, the floor next to her.

It was f*cking disgusting.

And I was like, oh, my God.

Like, Vinegar's face
was just, like...

Not good, it's not good.

Funny, though.

Funny now, but at the time
I was, like...

It was funny at the time
as well. [laughs]

No, horrendous.

I was a little bit ill.

[coughs]

See, this is, like, the level of
voice you're gonna get from me.

So wish me luck.

I could just lip sync both,

but I don't have the tracks
to send them.

Oh.

Just do take it easy,
because it's...

because you sound dog rough.

Not gonna lie.

Oh, look who it is.
It's poopy Blu Hydrangea!

Poo Hydrangea. [laughs]

This is Johnny Boy.

My partner's here
to save the day.

So now marriage
is legal in Ireland,

when are you
popping the question?

[all laugh]

Tea.

Words are gonna be had.

"Crystal, eat this a*s."

Oh, so cute.

"Do any of the queens wear
specific perfume when in drag?"

Well, my go-to scent
is desperation.

I just smell like
a, you know, French prost*tute.

And that's no slander
on prostit*tes,

because sex work is work.

Drag is full.
It's one in, one out.

You have to wait
for Divina to die.

Like, all of this is off a bit.

I'm not going to do it.

I'm just gonna go on
and perform.

There's not much else I can do.
That's just how it is.

I read a review from London

which everyone
got massive paragraphs,

and me and Cheryl got
a tiny paragraph put together.

But we also... we weren't dubbed

"one of the worst of the mix,"
so it's all right.

Drag Race tour review, Metro.

"Some season 1 queens shine
in new show."

"Vinegar Strokes,
Sum Ting Wong, Crystal,

Blu, Gothy," actually
a pleasant surprise.

Good on, Gothy.

"Baga proves
that of all the queens,

"she's probably the one who's
entertaining us on a night out.

"Baga was followed up
by The Vivienne,

"who cemented her status
as the rightful winner,

"and had the Troxie
bellowing with laughter

"by simply uttering,
'chicken-livered shits.'

"Sadly, not all
was worth a RuPeter badge.

"The biggest dud note
of the night

"came from Series 1 runner-up
and perhaps

the most experienced queen
in the competition, Divina."

She's also very, very ill,

so it's not
a really true representation

of what Divina does.

It's not fair.

If this had been any other week,

she would have been able
to turn out an amazing show.

But she's just not well,

and the reviewer
obviously didn't know that,

but why not just... I think
she could have prefaced it.

She went out on stage,

"Guys, I don't feel well.
I'm not been well this week."

But she's too professional
to do that,

and I appreciate that.

Something we all look up to
in Divina.

Listen, if you wanna see
how glamorous tour life is,

come with me.

Look in there.

[laughs]

Someone left a turd?

Is there a turd in it?

Look how f*cking disgusting
it is.

[all laugh]

Give her two minutes on the bog
and she does that.

One picture, no videos.

- No selfies.
- No selfies.

And that's the tea.

Who's ready
for the Meet & Greet?

Cheryl's ready
for the Meet & Greet.

This Meet & Greet starts now.

Typical of everyone. Very late.

I'm always ready on time.

Oh, no, I broke my earring!

This is why you didn't win.

- I know!
- [laughs]

[coughs]

- Ahh.
- Are they upside-down? No.

That's it. Right, we're ready.

No, girl, go at the end.

- Why?
- You know why.

You and Baga make the rest of us

stay until quarter
to f*cking 9:00.

[laughs]

Nope.

Oh, fabulous.

I love a lipstick l*sbian.

- Hello, Diva.
- Hi, gorgeous. How are you?

Thanks.

- This is fab.
- Oh, thanks.

Thank you. Very creative.

It does, yes.

Oh, but we're best friends,
so we're together up there.

My bush, my hydrangea bush.

"Win Drag Race," they said.
"It'll be dead glamorous."

All together, three, two, one.

I'm Megan, I live in London,

and I've been to every show
so far on the tour.

I'm still coming to all of them.
[laughs]

I love you.

I love Cheryl.

Also Baga, Vivienne.

Ready in three, two, one.

It's just really entertaining
and funny,

and, like, it just gets better
every single night.

Like, yeah, I just... I love it.

[laughs]

You broke me toes.

Brighton has got the fittest
theater backstage crew

in the country.

Look at them. They're gorgeous.

[laughs]

I'm gonna call him Prince Albert
from now on.

- Three, two, one.
- Pblblblbl.

Jon? Are we on time today?

- Yeah.
- Yeah? Okay, good.



[hoarse] Still ill.

Are we all gonna make it
tonight?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, everybody, happy birthday
to Austyne tonight.

- Austyne!
- Austyne!

Thank you.

Bring back my girls!

Bring back my b*tches.

- Baga, you look lovely.
- Thank you, baby.

You look stunning, Baga.
How are you, baby?

I'm good, I'm good.
I'm ready for the show.

I've got to walk sideways
because this dress is too big.

Now come on,
let's do a team prayer.

Everybody get in.
I'm gonna lead in prayer.

I couldn't take Baga
in, like, a sexual situation.

She'd be, like, much bettah!

And Cheryl, baby,
we're doing a prayer.

Get over here.

Everybody hold hands.
Everybody hold hands.

It's me protective c*ck
in case someone hits me.

Mm, she's got a credit card
in there as well.

In your son's beautiful name
we pray,

in Christ Jesus'
beautiful name, amen.

- Mm, amen.
- Good luck.

Eight, nine...



Here it is.

Caliente.

♪ Music, turn it up
a little louder ♪

♪ Feel black magic ♪

♪ Why'd you do it? ♪

♪ The devil
made me do this dance ♪

♪ Why'd you do it? ♪

♪ The devil me do it ♪

♪ Why'd you do it? ♪

♪ The devil
made me do this dance ♪

Okay, ladies. Okay, ladies,
get off the stage now, okay?

Hello, Brighton!

[cheers and applause]

Oh, my God,
can we get the house lights?

I gotta see. Are there
any kids in the house?

Are there any children
in the room?

How old are you over here?

Nine years old? Nine years old.

Come over here. Come on.

[cheers and applause]

High five.

- What is your name?
- Amelia.

Amelia, you're nine years old.

Now, how do you,
at nine years old,

know about RuPaul's Drag Race?

Yeah.

Who did you
come here with tonight?

[cheers and applause]

Come with me. Let's go on stage.

Amelia, so tell everyone

why you like watching
RuPaul's Drag Race.

Amelia, did you see me on there?

Did you watch
the American version?

Okay, that's why, okay.

I'm gonna give her
a free pass tonight.

Because I was about to tell her
to sashay away.

And who is your favorite
drag queen tonight?

Cheryl Hole.

[cheers and applause]

It is going to be
a fantastic and fabulous show.

Are you guys ready
to meet and greet your cast?

[cheers and applause]

Give it up for Vinegar Strokes!

[pretends to cry]

Aah!

Oh, look at
my lovely friend Nigel.

He's gorgeous.

Nigel's got a big mouth
and small morals.

We will be at Revenge later.

She keeps on...

She didn't get much time
on the show, did she?

So she's gotta make
the most of it while she can.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you so much, Brighton.
I love you!

Enjoy the rest of the show.
Mwah.

Vinegar, how was that?

Oh, it was great!
I had a great time.

I think my chat was a bit long,
though.

I made myself a vag*na,
poppy girl.

- Have you seen it?
- No.

Really?

Has it got, like,
the flaps and everything?

It's got flaps and full clitoris
and full labia majora.

- Right.
- Werk!

There's the clitoris.
These are what you call...

The scientific word
is "the flaps."

I'm now gonna get
the clitoris pierced.

Oh, there's summat.

Have you seen my p*ssy?

Oh, there's a p*ssy!

You bought that?

Yeah, I've got a new p*ssy.

Ugh, gays!

[cheering]

Sum Ting Wong?

Get it right.

♪ For every fight
that you needed me ♪

♪ I put myself
on the front line ♪

♪ But every night
that I needed you ♪

♪ You never gave up your time ♪

I'm gonna take my boys
for a walk.

They need some exercise.

♪ How does it if feel
now the tables have turned ♪

♪ Your flame's going out ♪

Ooh.

♪ Crossfire ♪

[cheers and applause]

[coughs]

You need to turn that light off.

Ahh.

Whew!

Two days' rest. Ugh.

Babe, how was that?

Huh? sh*t.

I'm annoyed
because I couldn't sing.

[gargles]

[cheers and applause]

All right, Brighton.

Crystal!

I need y'all to unplug

all of this machinery
and equipment,

because it looks dark-sided.

Amelia, do not try that
at home, okay?

Have a good show.

♪ Three, two, one ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

♪ I bring the beat ♪

I love you, I love you,
I love you, done.

That's all.

Yes! Oh, yes, Brighton!

Oh, yes!

Give it up for Miss Cheryl!

We also, tonight,
we also have a birthday.

Austyne, one of the dancers,
it's his birthday tonight.

Austyne? Where you at,
Austyne? Come on.

Y'all say happy birthday
to Austyne!

Oh, my gosh.

These boys are working so hard,

so, so hard for these girls.

All the dancing boys are.

Yeah, I don't condone that,
okay?

I don't cosign that foolishness.

On the count of three,
let's say, "Happy birthday."

One, two, three.

- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday!

Thank you, Austyne!

Hope it doesn't suck.

I absolutely adore
the buns off this queen.

She's about to come onstage.

She's going to entertain
the sh*t out of you.

She's gonna do the songs
in five different languages.

- Are you?
- In 49 octaves.

And also,
because we're in Brighton,

she's gonna do it whilst eating
a Gregg's vegan sausage roll.

Divina de Campo!

[cheers and applause]

I'm in my heels.

I really am as well.

I put them on
before I came on stage.

That was good of me,
wasn't it, huh?

Anyway... oh.

Ooh, did you feel
the shift there?

The atmosphere went...

"Well, I thought
she was the nice one."

"I've right gone off her now.
Don't like her."

"She's a b*tch, isn't she?"

"Isn't she a b*tch?"

What, babe?

Sorry, I don't speak dickhead.
What?

[cheers and applause]

You know what I was about to do?

I was about to walk onstage

and tell Divina
to hurry the f*ck up,

because she's been on there
for 15 minutes.

Little b*tch.

- Do it.
- Do it.

- Slay.
- Slay.

- Walk, - Walk.

I'm in my heels.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

make some noise
for Divina de Campo!

Mm!

Good evening, Brighton.
How the f*ck are we?

Where's all the gays
in the room? Gays?

[cheering]

All the gays in Liverpool

are eyebrow specialists
and hairdressers.

We've got f*cking doctors,
business owners.

Here's the things... here...

Don't applaud them.

Don't applaud them

when I'm still here
with me c*ck up me arse

trying to make a few bob.

I just wanna get on
and do this final number,

because I'm losing momentum.

Are we on in a second? Hello.

No, Viv's still going,
so we've got another 20 minutes.

Oh, right, all right.
That was Divina, wasn't it?

But before I do,
has anyone got a bevvie?

I'm a bit dry.

Anyone got a drink?

[cheering]

Gimme one sip. Just a bit dry.

[chanting]
Down it, down it, down it!

[cheers and applause]

It's that time of the show
where... whoo!

There's 15 minutes of Vivienne

talking and talking and talking
and then singing.

[laughs]

She doesn't even done
the alphabet yet.

A.

Can we do, like,
the sped-up version

of Memphis tonight?

♪ We're walking to Memphis,
walking to Memphis ♪

B: b*stards waiting in the back
doing f*ck-all.

C.

Chicken-livered shits.

[all laugh]

You guys have truly
been a part of history.

Because RuPaul's Drag Race UK
Season 1 cast, Gothy Kendoll!

Now!

Scaredy Kat!

Vinegar Strokes!

Sum Ting Wong!

♪ Adrenaline, adrenaline ♪

♪ Gimme one shot,
one shot of adrenaline ♪

Divina de Campo!

♪ One shot, one shot ♪

♪ Can I get,
can I get it to go? ♪

♪ Can I get,
can I get it to go? ♪

♪ Can I get,
can I get it to go? ♪

♪ Can I get,
can I get it to go? ♪

[cheers and applause]

You look shattered.

I'm ill.

You've gone bad? I love that.

He literally does.

Oh, there it is.

Sleep well, babe.

[coughs] Tonight
I'm getting really crazy.

I'm going to bed.

Uh! Oh.

Ahh. That feels really good.

Probably one of
the most comfortable beds

I've ever been in.

I think that might be Divina.

Take care, luv.

She f*cking hates me.

Okay, fine. Night!

I'm just picking off
the desperation right now.

And then I'm gonna
crawl into my bunk.

They didn't give me
a proper bunk,

so I've gotta sleep in here
in the bog.

I've just gotta, like,
hold on to the walls.

So I'll see you in the morning.

Hopefully nobody needs a wee
in between now and then.

Bye! Love you. Bye!

Are we not getting a bit of
Donald Trump in drag here?

- One minute till showtime.
- One more minute.

- She's here.
- [laughs]

- Hey.
- I'm ready.

[cheers and applause]

We need a medic.

I came out onstage
and people fainted.

I'm about to jump off
this damn stage in my heels

and start saving lives.

♪ Geronimo, Geronimo ♪

♪ They're falling
like they're dominos ♪

♪ Please believe it
and let that be the reason ♪

♪ Geronimo, Geronimo ♪

♪ They're falling
like they're dominos ♪

♪ Sight beat the world
and we shall see ♪

♪ Eh-eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh-eh ♪

♪ La la la, la la ♪

♪ Eh-eh-eh-eh, eh-eh-eh-eh ♪

♪ La la la, la la ♪

♪ Geronimo, Geronimo ♪

♪ These girls
are falling dominos ♪