03x05 - Three birds with one stone

[bunniefuu]

We're all here together
to discuss the elephant in the room.

No, come on!

I'm still sh1tting myself
because of all this protein.

It's my job.

You're a pig. I wasn't talking about that.

-I was referring to Lucía's wedding.
-Fine.

We all know Sebastián can't go alone,
so I'll find him a date.

No, Mars just got divorced.
She'd be a great wedding date.

No, even better, Ximena from TUBSS.

She's pretty, fairly intelligent,
she can dance...

She's plain. If we want a classy,
fun, beautiful girl, how about Vivian?

When do you plan
to introduce him to these girls?

There's no guarantee
he'll pick any one of them.

You're just hoping he'll jump at the bait.

Let's not exaggerate.
We're not baiting him.

After introductions, he's free to choose.

Just like falling in love.

No!

I'll invite Sebastián to a TUBSS sh**t,
introduce him to Ximena,

they'll f*ck, and that's it.

No, I scheduled a salon appointment
for Sebastián tomorrow.

Mars will be there. It's all arranged.

I'm taking him to Cayetano's boutique.

Vivian will show him some suits
and fabrics, and then magic match!

There's no guarantee.

You can't force someone on a date,
just because it's a wedding.

-Exactly.
-I can.

-Yes!
-That's what we're doing.

Remember the last time
Sebastián went to a wedding alone?

Excuse me, Sebas.

That's enough!

She's the bride's mother!

For God's sake!

Let go! She's looking for love, too!

Doris.

-No, Sebastián! Behave yourself!
-Let me go!

It's forbidden love!

HOW TO SURVIVE BEING SINGLE

Sorry, I know I'm late.

Stop looking at me like that.

No worries, we were just discussing
plans for the wedding.

And you? How...

-No, tomorrow...
-At Cayetano's.

I'm going to buy a suit.

After therapy,
I'm finally regaining my self-esteem.

No lemons?
That's the only thing I asked you for.

-We asked you for lemons...
-It was the only thing...

-Plastic cutlery?
-Those poor sea turtles.

He needs a prompter.
We can't expect him to remember lemons.

One thing, Sebastián.

I'm sorry.

I think he's still insecure.

Do you understand?

-Mafer!
-Hey!

And, Mars, nice to see you!

-What a surprise!
-Such a coincidence.

What? You scheduled
this appointment for me.

Yeah, so...
We were just next door and Mars asked...

Where do you get your hair done?
Mine's damaged.

-Yeah.
-And so...

-Since we were around...
-Fabio's a genius.

-A genius?
-You're here, and here we are... And I...

I have a call.

Fabio, I'll leave them with you now. Yes.

-Well... Spa day!
-Thanks.

Well, after you, Mars.

-Thanks! How've you been, Sebas?
-Very well…

Hi.

How's my favorite designer?

I'm great. Can I ask you something?

What can I do for you,
my beautiful princess?

Right, well, when you say,

"my beautiful princess,"
does that mean we're dating?

No, I've been chatting
with seven other Mexican designer girls,

but you're my favorite.

I'll tell my other 15 Colombian male
friends, that you top my list.

Really?

So, I wanted to ask

if you'd be open to a first date?
A real "official virtual" date?

Seriously? Will you bring your Colombians,
in case I show up with my Mexicans?

I'll send you the link.

Things were going well with the swingers,

but the house was too far away.

There was a raid
when we were with the couple of senators.

It was a nightmare, but I'm fine.

At first, Prozac was like my best friend.

I'm sorry. I'm talking too much.

Not at all,
I'm really enjoying your stories.

You know? I just started going to therapy,

and I like it.
It's great when you can overcome things.

With me, you wouldn't need a therapist.

Yeah, right.

I'm joking.

I was kidding.

I'm in a better place, now.

I stopped eating junk food.
I gave away my ferrets.

I don't use my phone before bed,
and I thank God for my divorce.

Good, Mars. You deserve it!

There's nothing better
than feeling good in your own skin.

Yeah, no, that's true.

Hey,

thanks for listening.

I wish all men knew how easy it is.

Thank you, Mars.

Can you give me a second?

You look very handsome.

Really? Thanks, you look nice, too.

You're astonishing, Sebastián Ybarra!

There, that's better.

"A date for Sebis"

You guys don't have enough mouths
to suck my d*ck

As you know,

you should always expect
the unexpected in TUBSS.

The time has come.

The next time we see each other,

it'll be elimination day.

-What?
-Seriously?

-Eliminations?
-Why?

Things will get very intense.

But no pressure
on the show's star, right, Fish?

What the hell?
Weren't we supposed to f*ck later?

Thanks, guys.

I need a drink.

Are you making dinner for everyone?

Who's this guy?

I'm a special guest.

How's it going?

It's great to see you!

-This is amazing.
-I know, right?

Where's the next winner of TUBSS?

Sebi, I want you to meet Ximena.

Ximena, this is my best friend,
Sebastián Ybarra.

-Nice to meet you.
-Drinks?

Should we go?

I just want a quick tour.
I'll catch up with you soon.

Whatever you want, this is your party.

Thanks. This is wild!

-Sorry.
-Sorry.

The punch is better.

-I needed this so badly.
-Excuse me.

I've got a call.

Excuse me.

Hello.

-So? Did your plan fail?
-No, it's quite the opposite.

In fact, you did me a favor.

I'm not going to give you any ideas, Fish.

I don't need any ideas.

You've done enough by calling.

It's the perfect excuse
to leave Sebastián and Ximena alone.

And so, thank you!

-You just shot yourself in the foot.
-No way.

Did you just hang up on me?

What do people wear
to a picnic in the city?

I don't know.
What do people wear to a virtual date?

It's kind of work,
but there's a little romance.

I don't know.

Is this about the Colombian again?

I'm alone.
I'm getting to know myself, okay?

He's far away in Colombia.
That's in South America.

Why not find a guy
who can fulfill your needs?

A vibrator can only do so much.

One, obviously. Two, it's not about that.

We're getting to know each other
on a deeper level.

The day we f*ck, Fabiana,
that day will be epic!

Are you ready to switch
from beer to tequila?

And wear a super cool jacket,
like Han Solo,

and do your hair to look really badass?

That's an excellent idea.
They're always on my case, anyway.

My "mother-in-law" will love it!

Mothers-in-law are difficult.

They think we're stealing away their sons,

yet they're the ones being
over protective.

You've been listening to my podcast.

I love it.

Just relax and have a good time,
go with the flow. Let me know how it goes.

All right, bye.

Are the c*ck you eat real?

That's why we're always drinking.

I get it now.

I was joking.
I think people do too much for love.

I think it's overrated.

-You also get flack for being single.
-I know.

I mean, we should all do our own thing.

But maybe that's just naturally
how people look at life.

Can I ask you a question?

Why are you competing in TUBSS?

Why not? Look at this amazing house.

I have free access to a gym, cool friends,

a f*cking fabulous pool

with drinks 24/7.

And they're paying me.
What more could I possibly ask for?

Right.

I don't know. It's okay to be pampered.

Right? Look.

Bring it here, baby. Thanks.

-Love you.
-Ma'am.

Come closer, I won't bite.

Look deep into my eyes

and tell me
if this isn't the best lime beer ever.

Just a sip because I have to drive.

Okay, one, two, three.

-How is it?
-Delicious!

-This is so good.
-Where do they get this?

Now, try the gummies. Here you go.

No, please, ladies first.

f*ck it.

Now that we're getting acquainted,
do as I say.

I haven't been here in ages.

Remember? We used to come here to drink.

I'd forgotten about that statue.
It's so bizarre.

What? No, it's not.

It's a treasured family heirloom.

Okay, but you have to admit, it's bizarre.

Hi, Gonzo, it's about time.

Welcome!

Hi, Mom and Dad.

-Gonzalo? Is that you?
-My godfather!

Gonzalito!

-Are you ready for paella?
-Sure!

-This is my girlfriend, Fabiana.
-Nice to meet you.

I'll meet you all in the garden
in exactly ten minutes.

Let's go. How've you been?

So nice to see you!

-Come have a beer with me.
-No.

I hate these things,
I really don't want to...

-Hey, Fish!
-Sorry, I had to go.

-But I heard it went well.
-Ximena's awesome.

Maybe we can arrange
a get together with her?

Sure, whenever you want. I'd love that.

Oh, my God!

-There he is!
-What's that racket?

Give me a second.
Go ahead, take your photos.

Girls, please.

Calm down, thank you.

Do as you are told.

Thanks for the visit. I'm really touched.

They confirmed Monday's Gama delivery
from Shanghai.

What about the VIP package?

We should buy this place,
tear down the house,

expand the garden
and put in a bigger pool.

Why are you leading her on?

We both know you're incapable
of maintaining a long-term relationship.

Fabiana's different. Why do you hate her?

I don't hate her.
I'm just being realistic.

-It's Fabiana, right?
-Yes.

You have to use your hands.

It adds more flavor to the paella
if you do it properly.

How long have you two been together?

For a while now.

It won't work.

Why don't I give you my number,
so that you can experience a real man?

Seriously?

No, it's a joke.

Fabiana, how's your video blog?

It's a podcast. It's like modern radio.

Sorry, "podcast."

I have a lot of listeners.

-The topic of greatest interest is...
-But where? Is it on the radio?

On the Internet,
just like your Spanish series.

I'm just trying to understand.

-Wine?
-Yes!

See? You're making her uncomfortable.

-I'm going to the bathroom.
-I'll open this.

-Don't get drunk without me!
-I'll try not to.

Let's go. I'm fed up with this,
look at the time.

But Torres is so close to signing.

We'll make more money than we anticipated.

Do you think your little getaways
to Bali are free?

Who wants some paella?

I do. Thanks for making this.

You should thank your girlfriend.

Are you all right?

Whatever the deal is with this creep,

he's trying to rip you off.

Fabiana!

What is wrong with Fabiola?

Why are you mad at me?

They hate me,
and now, they think I'm crazy.

Nobody hates you,
but you're not making this easy.

Right, so, you're on their side.

No, I'm not.
I just don't want any trouble.

-With who?
-Not with anybody!

I hate that statue, I can't stand it!

It's not a statue.
It's my grandfather's tomb!

-Hi, Mafer!
-Hi, Sebi.

So, tell me.

Don't worry, he gave me a nice haircut.

I'm sorry I left you with Mars.
I'm really very sorry.

What? No, Mars is incredible.
She's a lot of fun.

We should arrange a get together.

Absolutely! I'll take care of it.

That sounds great!

Well, I hope you have a fantastic day.

No, you have a fantastic day.

Right! So, bye, Sebas.

Are you... Yeah, she hung up.

"Do we want to see each other again?" Yes.

Emojis, I mean, why not?

"Angelita..."

sh*t!

I'm coming! Who is it?

Where's Ricardo?

Where... What?

-Is he here or not?
-What?

-Who?
-Ricardo!

Tell me where he is.

Diana, who are you looking for?

He told me he was coming here. Damn liar.

Let me get you some water.
We'll sort this out.

{\an8}Something came up,
if she asks, I'm with you.

Let's call him. Maybe his phone is dead.

He always forgets to charge it.

No.

As if you didn't wish
I was your date at the restaurant.

But then I found out you're Ricky's wife.

You wouldn't have liked it?

Fabiana, I don't understand
why you're so mad.

You're not listening to me.
You don't believe me!

But you threw the paella
all over my godfather!

Don't you think I had a good reason?

You have anger issues.
You really need to go back into therapy.

And you have issues with your father
you really need to unpack.

I have my sh*t together!
I'm going to see Cayetano.

I'll be on Twitter,

chatting with strangers.

-Grow up!
-You grow up!

Forgive me for saying this,

but I can't help myself.

What Lucía did was in such bad taste.

Well, yes, but you know,

we discussed it, and we're fine now.

It takes ba*ls, don't you think?

For you to do that.

-What do you mean?
-To attend your ex's wedding.

After therapy and careful consideration…
Well, she'd already invited me.

I'm not judging. You can do what you want.

Yes.

The paella was ruined. I had to leave.

Sorry, we're late, but we made it.

Hi, Caye.

Hey, gorgeous!

-How are you, baby?
-Sweetie!

Sebastián, this is Vivian,
my personal shopper.

I didn't know you were coming.

Hi! Gonzo, thanks for letting him know.

These two will make sure
you look amazing for the wedding.

What kind of style do you like?

I think you should wear
something sharp, like Harry Styles.

-I love it, very nice.
-Harry, yeah.

Or maybe like Timothée Chalamet,

or, I know,

-Zayn Malik. He's the coolest.
-Yeah!

Or Zepeda or Rulli,
nominees for the 2020 telenovela awards?

Please, let's not offend anyone.

Excuse me, I have to take this.

What's going on?

Gonzalo Torres, this is your friend, Fish.

I'm busy.

Busy losing, that is.

Sebastián and Ximena really hit it off.
It's done.

Yeah, but don't forget,
I've got skills, my friend.

Sorry, I can't hear you.

There's a plane flying overhead
from You're a Loser Airlines.

Sebi, I have to go.

But I'm leaving you in the best hands.

-Call if you need anything.
-Let's see.

-Should I take it off?
-Yes.

Please.

Relax, we work with a lot of celebrities.

They always look great, and so will you.

Thanks, so give me some examples.

We're not authorized
to share that kind of information.

But as stylists,
who would you have worked with?

-I just told you. We can't say.
-Right.

-Please...
-Yeah.

Let's see.

Let me take a look at you.

-I think we could...
-Jared Leto.

-You dressed Jared Leto?
-I undressed him, too!

You'll look better than him.

-You think?
-I promise you.

-Jaden Smith.
-You worked with Jaden Smith?

Let's see, look at me.

I think we should put you in...

-Ryan Gosling.
-You worked with Gosling?

That's enough!

Mafer.

You look very pretty. Nice to see you.

Thanks, what about you?
Were you late? Did you just get home?

Why do you ask?

No, it's just that I made an effort
to create a beautiful setting.

As we discussed, this is a "date."

Yeah, but what more do you want?
You have me,

and look at this, I'm in bed,

with soft lighting and music.

And you're wearing pajamas.

Mafer, don't be like that.

Why do we worry about clothes
when we know we'll be taking them off?

Right, yes.

Oh, my God!

Mafer, if I were there with you,

I'd kiss you all over.

Your neck...

And then?

I'd caress that cute little butt of yours

and stroke your beautiful hair.

No, I mean,
I'd cover your skin with kisses.

I'd move down to your belly button,
and keep going lower.

You're so good.

This is so good.

We'd do it on a table,

-I'd pin you down...
-Yes.

I'd spread your legs...

That's enough.

Mafer, are you still there?

That's enough for today.

-Do you like it?
-Love it.

Isn't this too tight?
I feel like my ba*ls are being separated.

-Let's see.
-You two make a good match.

That's better, right?

Excuse me. Let me see who it is.

-I saw you.
-Coming.

-Mars?
-Sebastián, what's going on?

-Ready?
-For what?

What? We're going out for dinner.

-Why didn't you tell me?
-What?

That we'd have someone joining us
on our date.

No, but this is my date, right?

No, we're already on our date.

How are you?

Sorry, why don't you introduce me
to your friends?

We're not his friends.

What is this?

sh*t!

"sh*t" what?

Okay, listen, I'm sorry. I had no idea.

My friends made these arrangements,
not me.

It's a test to see who'd fall for you.

All actors are womanizers.

We're not trophies, Sebastián.

No, any man would be proud
to be with all of you.

-What a horrible thing to say!
-No, I mean...

One by one.

Sebastián Ybarra!

You're such an as*h*le!

I need a shot.

I am absolutely furious!

Again, it's always the same story.

"I'm a powerful man, all women want me."

You know what?

If you're so powerful,
take responsibility for that power.

You can't just go around in life

forcing yourself on any woman you like.
What if a woman refuses?

You, your power, and your ego
will do everything you can

to stifle her, isn't that right?

As a society, we can't allow

these men to do whatever they like.

They just can't.
I don't care who they are.

If it's Bill Gates,
Donald Trump, or Alfonso Kuri.

That happened today.

Nobody believed me.

But calling things out is
the only way we bring change.

We need to raise awareness.

It's something that needed to be said,
so I said it.

I can't believe
you've never had chocolate ice cream.

-I don't like it.
-Why?

-Try some.
-No.

-Come on.
-Okay, one little taste.

Just a little.

What are you doing?

Why did you insult my family
and my godfather in your podcast?

I never insulted your family.

The problem is with people
like Alfonso Kuri, they're scum.

Seriously, what did you expect me to do?

To confront my father's partner?
For us to punch each other

and fight it out?

No, not at all.

This is about listening and believing me
when I tell you what I saw.

But you don't listen to me.

You look for faults in everyone.

It's only because
I care about your family.

I don't want them to get scammed.

And yet,
you attack my family in your podcast.

You know what? Go play with your Xbox.
I'll be fighting for social justice.

Sorry for bringing it up.
See how you thrive on conflict?

-Me?
-And it's a PlayStation.

Obviously, their plan failed.

But, you know, those three dates I had?

They made me realize things
I didn't know before.

With Ximena, I discovered
it's okay to let yourself be pampered.

Mars thanked me for listening.

And Vivian taught me
it's okay to do something different.

How do you feel about all this?

Lucía was probably trying
a lot of these things, too,

but I didn't pay attention.

Being open to receiving is
a big step forward.

Not just receiving.

It's also nice to give.

With Lucía, I was so caught up in my life,

with projects, in my career.
I was wrapped up in my own feelings.

Maybe she felt, I don't know, neglected.

If only I'd known

all I had to do was to sit, be quiet,

and try to listen to her more.

Very good.

I think
we're making good progress, finally.

Translated by

Creative Supervisor