02x15 - Welcome to Necrocomic-Con/Fit to Print

[bunniefuu]

Extra, extra!
Read all about it!

School newspaper goes bust!

A real live newspaper?

Like beepers,
phonographs and me,

I thought
these things were dead.

Yeah. This is
the last edition

of The Brighton Middle
School Bugle.

We lost our funding
in budget cuts.

This is an outrage!

Journalism is about truth,

no matter where it takes us!

School spirit
suffocates in silence.

This cannot, will not--

You didn't even know
there was a school
paper, did you?

No, I did not!
But now that I do,

we will save The Bugle!

Listen up, everybody.
The Bugle needs a makeover.

A total overhaul.

You picking up
what I'm putting down?

- You smelling what I'm cooking?
- [sniffs] I smell it!

As your advisor,
I advise you

to keep your enthusiasm
to a dull roar.

[groans]

Right. Sorry, Mr. Pham.

Andrea, you're
on culture and fashion.

I'll give you
the who wore what,

when, where
and why it was a mistake.

[Molly] Sheila,
you're my go-to sports gal.

I'll knock it out of the park.

[Molly]
Nashua, cafeteria food critic.

Lunch lady Olga
doesn't pull punches.

Neither will I.

Uh, boss, what about me?

I need a hard-hitting piece
worthy of our front page.

Something so juicy
even The Perfektborg
Post will be jealous.

Sounds like a job for...

[sniffs]
The Bloodhound of Truth.

And The Scoop-Snoop!
[sniffing]

Come on, who calls you that?

Look, you want the help
of a supernatural entity

that can make himself invisible,
glide through solid walls,

and knows all the best
lunch spots, or not?

Okay, Scoop-Snoop, let's rock.

[howls]

Now for the dirty work,
selling ads.

I've been out here all day,

and the only ad I've sold
is to Weird Larry.

I really don't think
that Baby Skunk Daycare

is going to take off
like he hopes,

but I do love his enthusiasm.

Well, only one business left.

Save The Bugle!
Save democracy!

[man, warbled]
Welcome to Flavor Burger.

Would you like to try
our new 100% turnip burger?

Was that a yes?

Pull up to the next window.

What do you say, Miss Fiamma?

Are you in to protect
our freedom of press

by sponsoring an ad
in The Brighton Bugle?

Well, we do need
to advertise

our new 100%
Brighton Turnip Burger. Heh.

Ah, what the heck?

I'm supporting
local turnip farmers.

I might as well support
local journalism, too.

Let's go for it.
We'll take a full page

in every future edition
of The Bugle.

- [car horn honks]
- Back off!

I'm saving journalism here!

[investigative music playing]

♪ Go get that gossip,
go get that dish ♪

[teacher]
That's criminal!

♪ Ooh, that sounds juicy ♪

♪ Very suspish ♪

♪ It's just a teacher
microwaving some fish ♪

Oh...

♪ You gotta snoop ♪

♪ For a scoop... ♪

Hot dish like gossip,
not a literal hot dish.

♪ Maybe that substitute
is smuggling cash ♪

[substitute]
Hey, that's my lunch!

♪ Maybe that janitor's
got a fake mustache ♪

Ow!

♪ You need that
front page story ♪

♪ To make a splash ♪

♪ You gotta snoop for a scoop ♪

♪ They're writing 'bout
lacrosse, they got hot goss ♪

♪ They're tasting
cafeteria pizza sauce ♪

[slurps]
Hmm. Middling at best.

♪ Look at the bus driver,
Gus, looking so sus ♪

♪ Putting that bag
in the back of his bus... ♪

Let's air
your dirty laundry, Gus.

Oh, it's his actual
laundry, gross!

♪ Following your nose,
sniffing every scent ♪

♪ Maybe you can sneak
inside that vent... ♪

And... I'm stuck.

We always protect our sources
at The Bugle,

especially when it's my brother.

Darryl, I don't know how,
but I think they're on to you.

[Andrea]
"I couldn't help but wonder,

was I wearing the clothes,

or were the clothes
wearing me?"

Mr. Mayor, the story
prints with or without
a comment from Goldie!

- Finished, boss!
- Nashua, this is not
six column inches.

Get it down to a page.

I can't possibly do justice

to square-shaped pizza
in one page.

The spice blend, the slice
of technique. The mouthfeel.

Turnips! Ugh...

One page.

And stop saying "mouthfeel."
It's freaking people out.

[gasps] The angles,
the facial expressions.

These photos really
tell a story.

And that story is I have this
for four to six weeks.

Way to take one
for the team, Sheila.

Libby, you got
my front page story?

Is it juicy, in-depth,
hard-hitting?

Uh, it will be.

It will be?

This is the headline story, Libby.

We need it to make readers
salivate, and we need it now!

Or do you want us
to put out a paper

with a blank first page?

[wind howling]

That is not what Flavor Burger
is paying us for!

Don't worry, boss,
it'll be ready
by the time we go to print.

That was a blatant lie.

I know! There's got to be
a story around here somewhere.

Buglers! Dee-da-dee!

The librarian is waiting to go
to press on this edition.

The future of journalism
depends on us!

Delivery from Flavor Burger,

where the odds of flavor
are always in your favor.

"Hope these 100% Brighton
Turnip Burgers fuel

your quest
for truth and justice."

Ha! I'd say integrity
is its own reward,

but this is pretty good, too.

100% Brighton turnips? Ugh.

Do I even want to try this?

[Molly]
Oh, is it that bad?

No, that good!

This is delicious!

Celery, carrot, oregano,

and something else,
but I can't place it.

It's delightful, but strange.

[all happily moan]

These are the best burgers
I've ever had.

How did Flavor Burger make
turnips taste this delicious?

[Nashua]
It's impossible.

You thinking
what I'm thinking?

Uh-huh. Something stinks
at Flavor Burger.

Here's the real scandal.
Why would anyone throw away

perfectly good chicken nuggets?

[Scratch gasps]

- [raccoon chitters]
- [Libby groans]

This stake-out is a bust.

Maybe there's no story here.

Maybe they've
made turnips tasty.

You and I both know
that is impossible.

[Libby]
Wait a minute!

That sign is faker

than Ezekiel Tugbottom's legacy.

Something is fishy here.

Ooh, tell me about it.

Oh, you meant Flavor Burger.

Yeah, yeah, something's
messed up for sure.

She just threw away the turnips.

But they're the main ingredient
in the Flavor Burgers.

Unless they're not.

[both] Flavor Burgers
are made of...

[Molly] Perfektborg Parsnips?

[all gasp]

They're serving burger
with a side of lies.

You wanted hard-hitting?

Well, this story hits
like a ton of bricks.

Perfektborg Parsnips.
Of course!

I knew there was a delicious
ingredient I couldn't identify.

I mean, a disgusting ingredient

that shall never grace
this tongue again.

Great work, Libby!

Just the kind of story
that proves why

we need a school paper
to begin with.

But if we run it,
we'll lose our biggest sponsor.

And The Bugle will shut down.

And we won't be able to report

on any other stories ever again.

[groans]
What am I going to do?

I set out to save The Bugle.

- If I run the story, we're sunk.
- Well, I mean, uh...

Can I really bury
a story like this?

Could I even call
myself a journalist?

- Um...
- [scoffs] But then again...

what good is journalism
if there is no paper?

Do I silence the story
or The Bugle?

Well, it seems like you don't
actually want my input here,

so I'm just going to let
you figure this out on your own.

A wise person once told me,
journalism is about truth,

no matter where it takes us.

Using my own words
against me, that hurts.

[suspenseful music playing]

[sighs]

They'll thank me one day.

[button clicks]

Parsnips? From Perfektborg?
How could they?

[screams]

[exclaims]

[grunting]

[all chanting]
Flavor Burger Betrays Brighton!

Turn down the flavor!

[all chanting]
Flavor Burger Betrays Brighton!

Turn down the flavor!

You don't understand!
You can't make turnips tasty!

I tried. I really tried.

[chanting continues]

Wow, takes guts, McGee,

I'm proud of you.

Yeah.
The people deserve to know.

I mean, sure, Flavor Burger
pulled their funding,

but maybe, somehow,
the paper will be fine.

I'm just going to have
a positive mental attitude.

Everything will be all...

Right, team,
we're all out of a job.

It's been an honor to be

your editor-in-chief
for the 16 whole hours.

I'm sorry that
it's had to end like this.

I guess that's the price
you pay for integrity, so...

[scattered slow clap]

[gasps] Guys!
You know I've always wanted

a slow clap just for me!

[knock on door]

Is this The Brighton Bugle
newsroom?

I want to buy
an ad for my bakery.

- Us, too.
- Me three!

But you all
turned me down yesterday.

That was before you became

the number one news source
in town.

Joanie Pataky just
announced it this morning.

Joanie Pataky with KWP,

now your number two source
for local news

behind The Brighton
Middle School Bugle.

[grunts] I didn't go
to grad school for this!

[emotional music playing]

Team, The Bugle is saved!

Democracy wins!

[cheering]

What did I say about keeping
the enthusiasm to a minimum?

[muted cheering]

♪ The Ghost and Molly McGee ♪

[theme music plays]