01x01 - Pilot

[bunniefuu]

[chattering]

[camera shutters clicking]

-[person 1] Carolyn!
-[person 2] Carolyn!

[person 3] Hey.

-[person 4] Carolyn, over here!
-[person 5] Come on, Carolyn!

[chattering continues]

I need a different color. Sorry, I just…

This isn't gonna work
for where I'm going. They'll, um--

[manicurist] Do you want
a different shade or--

No.

[♪ "Kiss Me" playing]

Let's go with something safe. Um…

A neutral… A shade of nude. Sorry.

[sighs]

[knock on door]

Your sister-in-law is downstairs.

Tell her I'll be down in a minute.
I just need to change.

Thanks, Rosemarie.

[sighs]

[photographers] Carolyn! Carolyn!

[clamoring]

[clamoring continues, muffled]

[horns honking]

I don't want her holding
this weekend over me

like she does every other family function.

[sighs] She's trying, John. [scoffs]

This is her trying.

Just give her some grace.

I just… It's a wedding, for Christ's sake.

She acts as if I'm asking her to attend
the Democratic National Convention.

Did you stay at the hotel again?

[scoffs] It's not like she's begging me
to come home.

What happened?
Supposed to leave an hour ago.

It's a summer Friday.
The tunnel was a parking lot. Hi.

You haven't been on time a day in your
life, but when it inconveniences you--

I'm just saying we're gonna miss
the welcome drinks.

My family's gonna throw a hissy fit.

They're gonna find a reason
to throw one no matter what.

-Guys, I'm not doing this with you.
-So if you wanna go there--

Okay, we both agreed to give
each other the benefit of the doubt.

-Where's Jay?
-He couldn't make it.

-Who's Jay?
-The instructor.

-[door closes]
-And where are his crutches?

He complains about his recovery time,
and yet he doesn't bring them--

[whispers] Pick your battles.

I'm sorry.

I'm just anxious.

I love you.

I appreciate you being here.

I love you too.

-Good.
-[chuckles]

Let's go.

[chuckles]

[engine starts]

[John] Essex ground 9253 November,
ready to taxi with Mike northeast bound.

[air traffic controller] 9253 November,
target is clear for takeoff, runway 22.

[John] Runway 22, cleared for takeoff.
Saratoga 9253 November.

[alarm clock ringing]

[♪ "Loaded" playing]

♪ Just what is it that you want to do ♪

♪ I'm gonna get deep down
Deep down I said ♪

♪ I'm gonna get deep down
Deep down ♪

♪ Whoo, hey ♪

♪ I don't wanna lose your love ♪

♪ I don't wanna lose your love ♪

♪ We wanna be free
To do what we wanna do ♪

A pack, please.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Avert your eyes.

[giggles] How was that nightcap?

I ended up at the Tunnel rolling around
in the ball pit with Mickey Rourke.

-Like hooking up?
-I don't know. I don't remember.

But the sun was coming up when I left,
so now I'm just bracing for impact.

You go home with that guy?

What guy?

The hot, tan one you were talking to
with the forearms and the bad jeans?

I thought I saw you guys leave together?

I just went home. I was so tired.

Ugh. You're so f*cking cagey sometimes.
Here I am pouring my heart out.

What do you want me to tell you?

-That you f*cked him.
-[chuckles]

And that I'm not alone
on my path to self-destruction.

[person] Hold it, please.

By the way,
I wore your Egyptian Musk last night,

and I'm not kidding, three different guys,
like, inhaled me.

One of them
said I smelled like a Laundromat,

which, like, weird, but I'll take it.

[Carolyn] Shh.

[elevator dings]

♪ I don't wanna lose your love ♪

♪ I don't wanna lose your love ♪

Grace, he could hear you.

I thought the rule about not talking
in the elevator was more of a myth.

-Like his sexuality. [giggles]
-Shh. Shh.

[softly] He has cameras everywhere.

-Give me a raise, m*therf*cker.
-[chuckles]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Please tell me
you didn't leave him a voicemail.

I didn't.

I left two.

[chuckles] f*ck. Grace.

Why would he bother pursuing you
if he knows he doesn't have to?

I've tried playing hard to get,
and apparently I play it too well.

Come here.

Come here.

Look at me.

You're beautiful.

Okay?

Hey.

Exploit his insecurities.

I read that somewhere.

-Until when?
-Until you're bored of him,

or he's too old to leave you.

Can we save the powwow
for after work, please?

We need those looks that we pulled
for Demi pressed, bagged, and labeled,

and her PR rep
is gonna be here in, like, an hour.

Let's go. Chop chop.

Thank you.

[boss] And don't forget that we have
that fitting with Annette at 11:00.

[both giggling]

Prime example. Tanya tries
too hard to be authoritative.

Therefore, I have no respect
for her authority.

I feel like her prisoner in this showroom,

as much as I love helping
Diane Sawyer accessorize.

Just tell Calvin you want
to move to PR. He loves you.

[chuckles] Oh, yeah.

Company's hemorrhaging money,
and he just got out of rehab.

Now's the time to make it all about me.

I haven't even been here a year.

Well, you used to be folding his sweaters
at the mall, and now look where you are.

-I miss the mall.
-[laughs]

[♪ "Life's What You Make It" playing]

♪ Baby
Life's what you make it ♪

♪ Can't escape it ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ Yesterday's favorite ♪

♪ Don't you hate it… ♪

Yo, this look like a library?
Fifty cents, man.

Yo, you get what you needed?

[reporter 1] John Kennedy Jr. has flunked
his bar exam for a second time.

[reporter 2] His courthouse days
may be numbered for John F. Kennedy Jr.

[reporter 3] John F. Kennedy Jr.'s flunked
the New York State bar exam again.

-[reporter 4] Kennedy will lose his job.
-[reporter 5] Kennedy's last chance.

[reporter 6] John F. Kennedy Jr. is facing
a long, grueling prospect of studies…

[reporter 7] …the dashing son
of the late president…

[reporter 8] He may have been called
the sexiest man alive,

but tonight he was just plain embarrassed.

[reporter 9] Strike three and he's out
of his job as assistant DA.

[reporter 10] What's next
for the famous heir?

♪ Don't try to shade it ♪

♪ Beauty's naked ♪

"So what if he flubbed
the bar exam twice?"

Twice is in parentheticals.

"America's uncrowned prince is facing 30

with a steady girlfriend,
fabulous looks, even a movie role.

But now it's time to hit those law books."

[sucks teeth]

If it makes you feel any better,
anyone who knows you

knows that you don't have
a steady girlfriend.

f*ck off.

I can't show my face around the city
with these headlines everywhere.

But you'll show your d*ck
to everyone at the gym.

Apparently this is all I'm good for.

Well, as your cousin,
obviously I disagree.

Also, I'm an actual prince
w-with a title and everything.

W-What is this obsession
with anointing you?

You know, the funny thing is when I first
saw the headline, "The Hunk Flunks,"

I thought to myself, "Wow, this is bad,
but it couldn't possibly get any worse."

You'll take it again.

The DA's office has a three-strike policy
for their assistants.

If I fail again, I'm out of a job.

Well, then I guess you better not fail.

[♪ "I Touch Myself" playing]

♪ I love myself
I want you to love me ♪

♪ When I feel down… ♪

I-I mean, it's… it's beautiful. Uh…

Well, we can also try it with a shawl.
We can do different styling options.

Is it the fit you're bumping up against
or the dress itself?

[stutters] Both. N-Neither.

I'm sorry, I'm really not very good
at this kind of thing.

Um, what do you think?

Oh, I-I think we can find you
something better.

-Really?
-Yes.

[chuckles] You know right away
if a dress works.

The confidence should wash over you.

Well, Calvin specifically had this dress
in mind for her, Carolyn,

so why don't we try it with the shawl?

We can go from there.

[Calvin] I'm so sorry.

I was stuck on the phone
with David Geffen.

-How are you?
-[Annette] Hi.

[giggles]

Let's have a look.

How do you feel?

Well, I mean, it's, um-- it's beautiful.

Uh, but Carolyn was just saying
we could try some other options.

Yes, the collection's
so wide-ranging, I just…

I just figured we could pull some alts.

Remind me, this is for the,
um, Bugsy premiere, right?

[Annette] Yeah.

I mean…

This is something a little more charming.

You know? It's a sexier option.

I had an idea.

Why don't we let Calvin decide?

Well, what, does she not work here too?

[Tanya] N-No, I…

[Carolyn] One second.

Calvin designed this suit
as part of the menswear collection,

and I'm obsessed with it.

The detailing is just…

Tanya.

Here.

Okay.

Okay. So obviously,
we'd have to take it in a bit,

but I think it's a bold choice,

and a fun nod to the film noir,
gangster genre.

I love it.
Can I please take her home with me?

-[Tanya] O-Okay.
-[Annette laughs]

Are you and Warren planning on
walking the carpet together?

Because-- I-I only ask 'cause
I wouldn't want your outfits to clash.

All eyes are gonna be on you.

If he needs a different shade of suit,
he'll survive.

[Annette] Mm-hmm.

I saw his name on the guest list
for the Amazon fundraiser.

-Are you gonna be there?
-Oh, I can't.

I have a-a stage reading
at Circle in the Square.

[Calvin] Well, every major designer
is gonna be there,

so if I see Warren Beatty
in Armani or Ralph Lauren,

-you'll be hearing from me.
-[all chuckle]

Did you want to pull
some accessories for Annette?

Sure.

No, I was talking to Carolyn.

[♪ "Weather With You" playing]

♪ Always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go ♪

♪ You always take the weather with you
Everywhere you go ♪

♪ You always take the weather…♪

-[camera shutters clicking]
-[reporters clamoring]

♪ You always take the weather with you ♪

♪ Everywhere you go ♪

♪ You always take the weather ♪

♪ You take the weather ♪

♪ The weather with you ♪

[music ends]

You do know those pictures
don't help with the nepotism charges.

They said the same sh*t
when your father appointed me

US Attorney of the Southern District
of New York 30 years ago.

Do you think anybody's
questioning my credentials now?

How you holding up?

Great. Why? Did something incredibly
embarrassing happen recently?

At least they called you hunky.

[scoffs] I'm not sure that qualifies
as a silver lining.

Look, you'll take it a third time.
You'll pass it.

This will all be ancient history.

I can still recite the editorials
about my high school report card.

I can assure you it won't be.

And by the way, I'm well aware

that this is the least compelling
sob story in the world.

You cannot let the people around you
narrate your successes and your setbacks.

At a certain point you have to decide
how you want to feel about them.

[camera shutter clicking]

Her assistant's picking that up at 3:00,
so just double-check

and make sure it's good to go.

It's ready. I got it.

Uh, and did that jacket
come back from the tailor yet?

-[Grace] Y-Yeah.
-Hey, Tanya.

Um, do you happen to know if there are any
extra tickets to that Amazon fundraiser?

[smacks lips] Don't confuse
his little pat on the back earlier

for your status at this company.

You're a saleswoman, Carolyn. That's it.

Strong candidate for an exorcism.

Whatever, I'm still going.

Really? What if she sees you?

If she wants to try and sideline me,
have at it.

Fellas, the hyenas have set up camp,
so don't forget to suck in.

[shutters clicking]

Let's go easy on John, all right?

Can't have America finding out
their favorite son has butterfingers.

Eat my a*s, Colin.

Hey, I'd love to go
where only Madonna's gone before.

-[friend 1] Oh!
-[all laughing]

Hey, hey, we have an odd number.

Then I'll be designated QB.

Oh, so both teams can suck?

-[blows raspberry]
-[all laughing]

[friend 2] Talk some sh*t out of the gate.
Let's go.

-[camera shutters clicking]
-[friend 3] All right, let's go.

Hey, hang on a sec.

Hey, Troy. I thought I burned you
in Columbus Circle.

I'm like white on rice, Johnny.

Prove it. We're down a man.

[all chattering]

Hey, Murph,
throw me the f*cking ball, okay?

[all chattering, shouting]

[all exclaiming]

[laughs]

Up the side, up the side.

[all chattering]

[laughing, chattering]

Watch Happy Feet right here.

[cheering]

-[person 1] Probably not. [giggles]
-[person 2] Of course not. [giggles]

Mom…

-Hi. Sorry I'm late.
-[John's mother] Ah.

-Where are you coming from?
-Well, I had a touch football game.

[scoffs] At least make something up.

-[John chuckles]
-Hats off at the table, please.

Is your salmon cold?

-Oh, you didn't have to wait for me.
-We didn't. It's just cold.

-Thank you, Eugie.
-Of course.

So is everyone planning on attending
Teddy Jr.'s wedding this weekend?

I have to work, unfortunately.

-I'll be there.
-Really?

Can you imagine if I said no? Uncle Teddy
would probably dispatch the Navy SEALs.

-[John chuckles]
-Well, you two can be each other's date.

How do you know
I'm not bringing someone already?

[John's mother]
Well, the wedding's in four days.

You cannot just spring your flavor
of the month on them last minute.

He's trying to get a rise out of you.
Please don't take the bait.

Well, maybe I should just become celibate
and join the priesthood.

People magazine's "Sexiest Priest Alive"
doesn't quite have the same ring to it.

[chuckles] Thank you, Eugie.

I see you're eating meat again.

[John] Well,
I never swore off meat, Mother.

I was experimenting with a vegetarian diet

because Daryl
made a very valid case for it.

Well, either way, it wasn't sustainable.

My relationship or my diet?

You know, maybe if she'd been made
to feel a bit more welcome--

-Sweetheart--
-And despite your impressions,

Daryl actually does care
what you think of her.

Of course she does. She's an actress.
She cares what everyone thinks of her.

What decade are you living in?
She's an artist, Mom.

Oh, yes, I saw that recently
she played a 50-foot giant. [giggles]

Maybe she'll invite you to the Oscars.

Why don't you
just save us all a lot of time

and tell me exactly
who you'd like me to bring home to you,

'cause I guarantee inevitably
you'll find something wrong with them too.

-There are lots of girls.
-Yeah, like who?

You act as if I'm the only thing standing
between you and happily ever after.

Yeah, well, she's back in LA now, so…

Bed-hopping with rock stars.

-Mom.
-[John scoffs]

I love how you pose these questions

like you don't obsessively
monitor my personal life.

Apple doesn't fall far.

Hey, I read the sh*t
that gets thrown in my face, all right?

Not everyone's awarded the same privacy.

Well, that's one way of looking at it.

Meaning what, Ed?

Would you prefer that I not be
invested in my child's personal life?

Well, you never seem to harangue Caroline
for her life's choices.

[scoffs] I think all of my psychiatrists
would argue otherwise.

[chuckles]

Your sister is settled down with children.

Her personal life isn't chronicled
in every tabloid in the country

like it's an episode of Santa Barbara.

Yeah, this coming from a woman whose
second marriage was condemned by the Pope.

[John's mother sighs]

I worked too hard to watch you be…

sucked into this pervasive narrative
of entitlement and recklessness

that's plagued
every other member of this family.

[on TV] Good evening.
Dan Rather reporting.

Former Massachusetts Senator,
Paul Tsongas,

announced his decision today,
again, at a news conference in Boston.

Tsongas said he will not reenter the race

for the Democratic
presidential nomination.

One thing everybody's talking about
this election year

is the lack of affordable health care.

CBS News health correspondent,
Edie Magnus, is here to tell us

it's a make-or-break issue now for people
who thought they'd never have to worry.

[John] Contrary to what you might think,

I don't relish in being a constant source
of anxiety for you.

I mean, I'm 31 years old.

You're my son.

You're going to be a constant source
of anxiety for me no matter what you do.

I just want you to find your way.

[people chattering]

[paparazzo 1] There he is. It's him.

[paparazzi clamoring]

[camera shutters clicking]

[paparazzo 2] Right here, John!
Perfect! Gorgeous!

[♪ "Blood of Eden" playing]

[assistant] Mr. Kennedy. Mr. Kennedy.

♪ I caught sight of my reflection ♪

♪ I caught it in the window ♪

♪ I saw the darkness in my heart ♪

[paparazzo 3] Mr. Kennedy.

[paparazzo 4] Lovely, thank you.

♪ I saw the signs of my undoing ♪

♪ They had been there from the start ♪

♪ And the darkness still has work to do ♪

♪ The knotted chord's untying ♪

♪ The heated and the holy ♪

♪ Oh, they're sitting there on high ♪

♪ So secure
With everything they're buying ♪

♪ In the blood of Eden ♪

♪ Lie the woman and the man… ♪

Hi.

Hey. Look at you.
Did you make it in all right?

I had to give the guy 50 bucks.
He had no clue who you were.

What?

-Your face just now.
-I'm kidding.

Is this for the resort collection?

[friend 1] What,
are the tiger stripes too much?

[friend 2] Well, it's clear we overshot
homage and crash-landed in caricature.

What are you doing back here?

Oh, I-I forgot the feathered hat
at the office so she brought it.

[Carolyn chuckles]

Come have drinks with us.

I had this idea last night.
You've been to Nell's?

No, I've been dying to go.

It's this fun little place downtown.
It's really kind of terrific.

And I got in at 1:30 in the morning
from Washington, and Kelly called me.

She said, "A bunch of us
are having a little fun downtown.

Why don't you come and join us?"

-So, I went and met up with them…
-Mm-hmm.

…and we were up most of the night.

And so on occasion, after 40,
you can still have fun.

[Carolyn giggles]

You know, you're gonna thank me for this.

[♪ "This Woman's Work" playing]

[John] Oh, really?

-Yeah? Oh.
-Oh, we would love to have you for dinner.

-Oh--
-Sorry to interrupt.

John, this is Carolyn Bessette.
She's our VIP Whisperer at the company.

Carolyn, this is John Kennedy.

VIP Whisperer, that's quite the moniker.
What does that entail exactly?

Oh, it's a real high-wire act.
There's a cape involved.

Oh, she's underselling herself,
which is ironic

because Carolyn is responsible
for millions of dollars in sales.

I don't doubt it.
I like your dress, by the way.

-Thank you.
-You can't help yourself, can you?

-So I'm a bad boy. What are you gonna do?
-I'm so sorry.

I need to steal you for a minute.

Do you want to grab a drink?

Oh, technically I'm working.

-Well, isn't everyone here?
-[chuckles]

Wow, quite the shrewd observation
coming from the belle of the ball.

The belle of the ball?

I know, like, five people here.

Well, you wouldn't know that
from the way everyone's staring at you.

-Oh, I think they're all staring at you.
-[exhales sharply]

You just keep that in your back pocket,

-don't you?
-[chuckles]

I'm sure there's lots of people
waiting to talk to you.

Oh, exactly, so you can't abandon me.

[stutters] Whenever my mom
is at a party or out to dinner,

she always locks eyes intensely
with whoever she's talking to

because she says that even the appearance
of a recess in conversation

will invite interlopers.

Well, then you better keep appearing
to look interested.

-Oh, f*ck.
-What?

Nothing. Just my boss
giving me the death stare.

-Who? Calvin?
-No. Lesser boss.

Uh, I've really gotta go.

Oh, please take me with you.

I'm not sure that's such a good look.

Ducking out of a charity event
or going home with you?

It's nice meeting you, John.

-You think I can get your number?
-I don't give my number out to strangers.

I just met you. You could be
a serial k*ller for all I know.

Oh, come on. That'd be way too much
of a commitment.

How about I give you my number?
That way the ball's in your court.

I don't want to get your hopes up.

Oh, please, I'm not above begging
in front of all of my closest friends.

You know where I work.

Try reception.

[♪ "Free Your Mind" playing]

[people chattering]

Is he dreamy in like an off-putting,
Manchurian-candidate kind of way,

or like a "I can't help but emanate sex,
it's in my perfect DNA"?

Okay, what if he does reach out?

You know he won't. He was just bored…

and innately flirtatious.

Sexy Doorman just arrived.

[friend 1] Ooh.

Can we please stop calling him that?

Hmm. Sexy Bellhop? [chuckles]

He's-he's actually an aspiring model.

-[friend 2] That's actually so much worse.
-[friend 1] Oh. Okay. Sure.

That being said, as an agent,

I'd happily advance his career
if he'd advance my orgasm.

Maybe if you unchained him
from his futon once in a while

and let us hang out with him,
we might start to like Sexy Doorman.

I'm not ashamed of him. He's great. We
just… We don't have that much in common.

Oh. Thank you.

[♪ "We Got A Love Thang" playing]

♪ Whoo
Look what we got ♪

♪ We got a, we got a love
We got a, we got a love ♪

♪ We got a, we got a love
We got a, we got a love ♪

♪ We got a, we got a love
We got a, we got a love ♪

What the hell was that?

What? I was just saying bye.

Do you know
that I came down here to see you,

and I waited in line for, like, an hour
and now you're leaving?

I would have come and gotten you
if I knew you were out here.

That's not really the point.

It looked like you were having
a perfectly good time in there.

See, this is where
I'm getting a little confused.

When we're in public,
you act like I don't exist,

but then when we're alone,
you're suddenly about it, so it's just--

Michael, this is exactly why
I don't want a boyfriend, okay?

I'm-I'm accountable for people all day,
every day at work,

and when I leave,
I-I just wanna do whatever the f*ck I want

-whenever the f*ck I want to.
-And whoever the f*ck you want.

Look, I'm not trying
to hurt your feelings. I just…

If you can't keep this, like,
cool and casual,

I think we should just
go back to being friends.

[♪ "Heaven Or Las Vegas" playing]

-You're just gonna leave me here?
-I guess that's kinda up to you.

♪ Singing on the famous street ♪

♪ I want to love a boy
That won't love me ♪

-♪ Am I just in heaven or Las Vegas ♪
-♪ Heaven or Las Vegas ♪

♪ That's why it is more brighter
Than the sun is to me ♪

-♪ Reaching this itch in my soul ♪
-♪ Heaven or Las Vegas ♪

♪ That's like any old playing card ♪

♪ It must be why
I'm thinking of Las Vegas ♪

Calvin Klein. Yeah. Yeah. Okay--

[John] Hi.
I'm here to see Carolyn Bessette.

If-If you could just point me
in her general direction.

Thank you.

-[employee 1] Hi there.
-Hi.

-[employee 2] Hey.
-Hi.

Hi.

-Hi, what a terrific surprise to s--
-Thank you.

[Tanya] Oh.

[door opens]

[Carolyn] And then it happens again,
and then they say--

[Grace clears throat]

-Hi.
-Hi.

Sorry, is this a bad time?

No.

No. Uh, I was just, um…

What's up?

I need a new suit.

[chuckles]

[♪ "Total Control" playing]

Put your arms up for me.

[John] You're the tailor too?

He's on his lunch break.

Typically our clients make appointments.

I'm a 33 waist. I know that.

You're 32.

Chin, up.

Geez. Your tailor this bossy?

♪ Maybe never with you ♪

♪ Over you ♪

♪ Total control over you ♪

It'll be ready in a week.

♪ Over you… ♪

Is there anything else?

-How about some ties?
-[chuckles]

What, you're gonna deny my business?
What kind of VIP Whisperer are you?

A busy one.

You're right. I'm sorry.
How can I make it up to you?

By swiping your credit card.

Or…

you could let me take you to dinner.

[♪ "It Ain't Over 'til It's Over" playing]

♪ So much time wasted ♪

[employees exclaiming, chattering]

♪ Playing games with love ♪

-Oh, my God!
-[Grace chuckling] What was that?

♪ So many tears I've cried ♪

♪ So much pain inside ♪

♪ But baby, it ain't over… ♪

What's going on?

JFK Jr. was just here.

What? No one tells me?

Oh, no, he came to see Carolyn.

♪ But baby it ain't over 'til it's over ♪

♪ So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive ♪

♪ But baby it ain't over 'til it's over ♪

♪ So many years we've tried
To keep our love alive ♪

♪ 'Cause baby
It ain't over 'til it's over ♪

Are you sure I can't start you off
with anything while you wait?

[Carolyn] No, no, thank you, though.

[John] Carolyn. Carolyn, wait.

Please, Carolyn, wait. Don't leave.

Please, don't leave.

Please.

You didn't think, maybe,
call the restaurant?

-I was waiting for 20 minutes.
-I know. I'm sorry.

Listen, please let me buy you dinner.

I mean, if I'm not worth waiting for,
the food is. Please.

This your go-to date spot?

Yeah. I'm a sucker for a laminated menu.

That's why you chose it?

The menus.

It's okay. I'm not exactly eager to incur
the wrath of every woman in America.

Well, it's not just that.

It's g*y men too.

[scoffs, chuckles]

You went a little rogue with the order,
but I was pleasantly surprised.

Well, I went backpacking
through India after I graduated,

and I learned very quickly
that ordering chicken tikka masala

is a surefire way to get made fun of.

-You backpacked?
-Yeah.

-[scoffs, chuckles]
-What?

Uh, nothing. I'm just…

I'm curious to know
what your definition of backpacking is.

Same thing as yours.

What, did you think
I was shuttled around on a motorcade?

Kinda, yeah.

Why India?

Well, I had no idea what I wanted
to do with my life after I graduated,

and, uh, my mom always says

that India's the most beautiful
place she'd ever visited,

so I decided to, uh, take some time off,
go explore the world.

God, I realize this story sounds--

-Super relatable. [chuckles]
-[chuckles]

In your defense, I'm sure most of
your dates swoon over that India story.

I wasn't trying to impress you.

No, you made that very clear
when you showed up 30 minutes late.

Oh, my God. I'm sweating.
Have you noticed?

It's not because of the food.

[chuckles]

You know,
sometimes I find myself trying so hard

to put other people at ease that I--

You have nothing to prove.

What do you think you'd be doing
with your life if you weren't who you are?

I probably wouldn't be working
at the DA's office.

I don't know
if you've seen the news recently,

but I'm not exactly a legal wunderkind.

Yeah, I'm sorry about that.

-It's okay.
-No, it's not.

Publishing your exam results
for other people's entertainment

is cheap and pathetic.

Yeah, it just kind of feels like I have
this sign hung over my head that says,

"The Hunk Flunks," and that's all
that people see when they look at me.

Yeah, but everyone feels like
they have a sign over their head.

Oh, yeah? What's yours say?

[both chuckle]

I'm not gonna disclose my sign
on a first date.

[John] Mmm.

What would you be doing?

Am I gonna be leading
the conversation at any point?

I'm not the one being vetted here.

I guess, uh, when I think
of where it was I was happiest

is probably on stage.

Like acting?

Yeah, I did a lot of theater in high
school and college, and I loved it.

Something about being a character,
being up on stage.

I felt like I could do whatever I wanted,
and no one could judge me.

Why didn't you pursue it?

I did, actually… sort of.

I was in a play here after college
called The Lovers.

And my mom was so scared that
she banned any critics from attending,

so needless to say,
we had a very limited run.

-Did she like it at least?
-She never came.

-Oh…
-Not because she didn't want to,

just because it would have
created this whole circus,

and that's exactly what she didn't want
to have happen.

How old were you when you realized
you were the son of a president?

I don't think
anyone's ever asked me that before.

I don't know, really.

To be honest,

I think I've been inundated with so many
images and stories of my childhood

that, uh, I can't really differentiate
from what I remember

and what I've just been exposed to.

That's sad.

[clicks tongue]

What about your parents?

Uh, my mom and stepdad are in Greenwich.

She's a schoolteacher. He's a doctor.

I actually introduced them


-and I love to lord that over them.
-Mmm.

What about your dad?

Um, he's in White Plains.

Is he remarried?

Nope.

I'm sorry. I-I didn't mean to--

No, no, no. It's just…
It's not a very interesting story.

How did you find your way to Calvin Klein?

Um…

I always wanted to make
a difference in the world.

No, I was working at the mall. In Boston.

-At a Calvin Klein? Okay, hey.
-At a Calvin Klein, yeah.

And one day this exec
from corporate came in,

and I had no idea they were there.

And there was this older female customer

screaming, crying, melting down
in the dressing room, wouldn't come out,

so I just sort of sat down
on the floor and talked her down.

Anyways, the exec saw the whole thing,

said, "If you can handle that,
you can handle anything."

And they brought me out
for an interview in New York.

I remember in the waiting room,

there were all these sort of, like,
polished Upper East Side girls.

And I said to the HR person,

"Look, these girls might have a pedigree,

but I don't have a plan B
or a trust fund to fall back on…"

Sorry. And no offense.

You know,
"I have-- I have to make this work."

And they offered me the job
right then and there.

I can see why Calvin sings your praises.

sh*t. Somebody stole my bike.

Well, was it locked?

Uh, no.

[laughing]

I'm sor…

I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh.

It's just,
what did you think was gonna happen?

-That civility would prevail?
-In New York City? Don't you live here?

Now I gotta buy another one.

How many bikes have you lost?

-Ballpark?
-[lighter clicks]

-[Carolyn] Do you want a cigarette?
-No, thanks.

I've already had my one for the day.

One? [chuckles]
You have one cigarette a day?

Not all the time, but if I do,
I try to limit it to one.

It's a…

discipline thing.

[Carolyn] Mmm.

Gotcha. So you have discipline
when it comes to tobacco, just…

not other people's time?

-I said I was sorry.
-Yeah.

You said it like you were expecting
forgiveness, not asking for it.

[John scoffs]

[Carolyn] This is me.

Thought I had more time.

More time for what?

Can I see you again?

I had a nice time tonight.

So is that a yes?

Night, John.

She's unlike anyone I've ever met.
She's totally got my number.

Did you sleep with her?

-No.
-Oh.

No, she barely even let me take her
out to dinner. I had to buy a suit.

[chuckles]

I've never seen you have to
woo someone before.

This is like watching,
uh, an animal dance.

All I want to do is call her,
but I don't want to come on too strong.

What?

You're in your head.

[chuckles]

Ladies and gentlemen,
the uncrowned prince is beside himself.

-Shut up, Anthony.
-[chuckles]

-Does she know about the bike?
-No.

[♪ "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" playing]

♪ Give you everything you need
To live inside a twisted cage ♪

♪ Sleep beside an empty rage… ♪

What are you doing here?

Missed you. [chuckles]

I shouldn't have gone back to California.
You were right.

You'd think after 40 years
of attending these family functions,

I'd be unflappable, but no.

I still somehow revert back to that same
old 22-year-old doe-eyed debutante.

Have you heard from your brother?
He cannot be late.

Last I heard he was coming, but…

Andrew, do you know if John
arranged for a car service?

Yes, ma'am. He and Ms. Hannah
scheduled one for this afternoon.

What did you…

Did you know about this?

I'm not your intelligence agent, Mother.
John and I keep our own confidences.

Turn the car around, please, Andrew.

What? Are you serious?

I'm not going to smile
and make small talk with the two of them

like this prolonged saga
shouldn't have ended years ago.

So your solution is to boycott?

[sighs]

Consider my hands washed.

[alarm clock ringing]

[elevator dings]

-[mouthing words]
-How'd it go?

[executive] I think Cindy's our best bet.

To me,
she's the quintessential supermodel.

I agree. Girl-next-door,
prom queen, all rolled into one.

[door opens]

Sorry, I don't… I don't mean to interrupt.

No, you're fine. We were just
talking about the new campaign.

What do you think of Cindy Crawford?

-Are these the girls you passed on?
-Yeah, that's the dumping ground.

[scoffs]

[Carolyn] What about Kate Moss?

Well, she's cute,
but no one knows who she is.

Exactly. She's almost unknowable.

She's guarded, elusive.

She's not trying to sell you anything
or ham it up for the camera. She's…

She's just letting you in.

Just enough 'cause she knows better
than to give it all away.

Well, let's bring her in.

And, Carolyn, I want you there when we do.

[kids chattering]

[Caroline] Well done.

[kid] We turned the world upside down.

[John chuckles]
Yeah? How did we do that? Yeah.

-[Caroline] Give him a stick? Yeah.
-[John] Yeah?

Round and round.

She wants to marry me.

I'm sure she does.

You know, you only make things
more difficult for me

when you pull stunts like that.

[scoffs] Of the long list of issues
plaguing your relationship,

I'd say my stunts reside
somewhere near the very bottom.

[clicks tongue] I've been thinking about
what you asked me the other night.

About who it is I see you with.

I know you think I'm overbearing,

but only one of us knows
what it's like to marry into this family.

To have to be perfect in order
to offset your partner's imperfections--

imperfections that you,
more than anyone, bear the brunt of.

[sighs]

You think that if you find someone
who's already in the public eye

that you'll be better equipped
to withstand the scrutiny,

but there isn't enough exposure
in the world

to prepare a woman to be your wife.

Plus, anyone who's already
made a name for themselves

will invariably
resent trading it for yours,

no matter how pretty
it looks on their letterhead.

She'll be under the illusion
that she's entering into a partnership

when, in reality, she'll be orbiting you
just like everybody else.

Routinely made to feel like
an obstacle or a stepping stone.

See, you have a gift, John.

One that can't be taught or bequeathed,

one that allows you to alter
the composition of any room you walk into.

Now, you don't want someone
who's looking to share in that power.

You want someone to help you wield it.

Someone who doesn't feel beholden
to you for choosing them.

Someone who loves you
in spite of your last name.

Now, I don't know who that person is…

but I know who it isn't.

[♪ "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" playing]

♪ Set adrift on memory bliss of you ♪

♪ Baby you send me ♪

♪ Baby you send me ♪

♪ Set adrift on memory bliss of you ♪

♪ The camera pans the c*ck glass ♪

♪ Behind a blind of plastic plants ♪

♪ I found the lady
With the fat diamond ring ♪

♪ Then you know
I can't remember a damn thing ♪

♪ I think it's one of those
Déjà vu things ♪

♪ Or a dream that's trying
To tell me something ♪

♪ Or will I ever stop thinking about it ♪

♪ I don't know
I doubt it ♪

♪ Subterranean by design ♪

♪ I wonder what I would find ♪

♪ If I met you I let my eyes caress you ♪

♪ Until I meet the thought
Of Mrs. Princess Who ♪

♪ I often wonder what makes her work ♪

♪ I guess I'll leave
That question to the experts ♪

♪ Assuming that there are some out there ♪

♪ They're probably alone, solitaire ♪

♪ I can remember when ♪

♪ I caught up with
A past-time intimate friend ♪

♪ She said bet you're probably
Gonna say I look lovely ♪

♪ But you probably
Don't think nothing of me ♪

♪ She was right, though
I can't lie ♪

♪ She's just one of those corners
In my mind ♪

♪ And I just put her
Right back with the rest ♪

♪ That's the way it goes, I guess ♪

♪ Baby you send me ♪

♪ Baby you send me ♪