03x05 - SOO Hunt

[bunniefuu]

[emotional rock music builds]

[music continues]

[♪]

[music ends abruptly]

[sticks clattering in distance]

[crowd jeers]

[puck clangs]

[crowd cheering]

- You should sit.
- I'll stand.

- Please sit.
- I've got a concussion,

not multiple scloritis.

- Close.
- Looked like rigor moritis

an hour ago.
- Sorry, my guy.

You didn't hit me,
Sanguinet. Cool it.

- Just sit.
- I'll stand.

- Why won't you just sit?
- Because I got a concussion,

not cerebral policies.
- Close again.

I'm really sorry, my guy.

I don't know if this
calls for your hand

on my back, Sanguinet.
- You couldn't go.

- For a period.
- You know what I'm gonna say.

[Shoresy]: Yep.
- What?

Keep your head up, kid!

- You're done.
- What do you mean, I'm done?

- Shoresy...
- What does she mean, I'm done?

It ain't hieroglyphics,
dude. You're done.

Just 'cause I can't
push when I sh*t?

- No.
- Then fer what?!

You've had two concussions
this past month.

You have a pulled groin
on the right side,

and smashed ankle on the
left. Should I go on?

- Sure.
- You can't push when you sh*t.

- Speak now.
- You know what I'm gonna say.

- Yep.
- What?

Go 'til you can't go no more.

Hell yeah, f*ck yeah.

[Nat]: I have time
for that, Shoresy.

The classic hockey
player mentality.

Play through anything. Never
let them know you're hurt.

That's right, give
your ba*ls a tug.

But this isn't the 90s.

An entire arena just saw
you get knocked out cold.

Not to mention all the people
watching the BROdude broadcast.

So, at this point,
it's not about you

or what you wanna
play through anymore.

It's about us and
this organization.

And dressing a player who's...

- Who's what?
- f*cked up.

[Nat exhales]

You're not playing
the semi-final.

But you better believe

we're gonna beat
the Yanks for you.

- Promise, my guy.
- Sanguinet, shut the f*ck up.

- And I think it's time...
- Nat!

You had an honest
conversation with yourself.

You're too old
for this, Shoresy.

Can't we agree that's
an outside dog?

About whether or not you
should play again at all.

I know how close you
are with your family.

I'm so f*cking mad at you.

Talk to them.

[Nat exhales deeply]

[Miig]: Hey...

You'd never have to see your
favorite YouTuber again.

[upbeat electronic music]

I'm Jory Jordan, and
this is the Sudbury Kids

Sports Report:
Semi-Final Edition.

Tomorrow's game features a
rematch of the NOSHO Cup final

that saw the SOO Hunt
victorious over the Sudbury

Blueberry Bulldogs. The
winner of that match

will advance to the final,
where they'll play the winner

of the Charlottetown
Reds and the undefeated

Rapides de Rawdon. I
had a chance to sit down

with SOO Hunt players
Delaney, Palmer, and Schnurr

for the scoop.

Gentlemen, let me
start off by saying

what a thrill it is to be
sitting here with the champs

of the NOSHO Cup.

- Thanks.
- All right.

- Pleasure's ours.
- Schnurr,

what a week it's been.
Could you have ever imagined

you'd be lacing 'em
up with the likes of

the Brooks Barrelmen?
- No.

Delaney, in your wildest dreams,

did you ever see yourself
scoring a goal on a team

from outside of Toronto?
- No.

Palmer, let's rewind the clock.

You're just a little
Palmlet, lying in bed,

dreaming of the big leagues.
Fast forward 20 years,

you're in Sudbury,
Ontario, playing a team

from Rawdon, Quebec.
Isn't it something?

- I guess.
- My Grade 6 teacher,

Mr. Bender used to tell
me, sh**t for the moon,

'cause even if you miss,
you'll land among the stars.

Wasn't until this very moment

that I truly understood
what he meant.

- Is he having a piss?
- Pardon?

- Are you having a piss?
- I don't believe so.

I feel like you're taking
the piss out of us.

That couldn't be further
from the truth, Delaney.

You know, it's time like these
I can't help but pause to think,

what did I do to get so lucky?
I don't have the answer,

but I must've done something.
- We're happy for ya.

Some want love, some want money.

Look me in the eyes and
tell me I don't have it all

holding this mic for the
three of you right now.

- I won't do that.
- 1752,

Ben Franklin flies a
kite in a thunderstorm

and discovers electricity.
Some say that's dangerous.

I say that's what it takes...

to get where I g*dd*mn am.

[upbeat electronic music]

Fellas, I'm gonna go
buy a lottery ticket.

But before I do, are you
aware that number 69,

Shore, will not be dressed
for the semi-final match-up?

[music stops abruptly]

- What?
- Why?

[Hitch]: Four to six.

Oh, f*cking kick
me when I'm down.

If the shoe fits, wear it.
If the truth hurts, bare it.

{\an8}[speaking French]

{\an8}Smells like f*ck'
Japanese tapas in here.

[Big Sexy]: Tit f*ck.
- Smells like f*ck' Nanbanzuke.

Your hit in the first round
was a soft four to six,

'cause you didn't
get knocked out.

Well, that's big
comin' from you, Goody.

The four to six
f*ck' medicine woman.

But you're a hard
four to six now.

'Cause you got knocked out.
- Who's this, the f*ck'

four to six Ravi Shankar?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

The Maharishi Ramakrishna?

{\an8}No, no, no, hold on,
I'm still listening

{\an8}to the four to six Bhagwan.

Then let's walk again, old man.

Oh, walk off a cliff,
ya f*ck' smartass.

- B'ys, he's right rotted.
- Walk your nuts

into a f*ck' doorknob.

You're right crooked,
aren't ya, b'y?

{\an8}Hey, boys.

Yeah, I'm your brother.

{\an8}Yeah, we can be honest
with each other.

{\an8}Yes, even if I don't like what
you're saying. What's good?

You f*ck' suck, man.

- Well...
- You suck.

- Well...
- You suck.

- It ain't your fault, Shoresy.
- Oh, no. Oh, no, no way.

Your body won't do what ya
needs it to do no more, old man.

Well, I'll tell ya what
it can do. f*ck your mom.

There's an expiration date
on guys who plays like you.

- Shea Weber, Dan Girardi.
- Brendan Gallagher.

- He's still playing!
- The body can only take so much.

We play on a team with Frankie,

and you're making up
your minds about my body?

What?

You haven't heard, have ya, b'y?

Where's Frankie?

Frankie.

{\an8}Oui.

{\an8}Oui.

Lysandre Nadeau!

{\an8}[upbeat dance music]

[music fades quickly]

[footsteps shuffle]

{\an8}Frankie...

Laurence Leboeuf!

{\an8}[dance music resumes]

[music fades quickly]

[footsteps shuffle]

[Laurence exhales angrily]

- Laurence Leboeuf.
- Laurence Leboeuf.

Frankie, hmm...

{\an8}Oui.

Marie-Mai!

[dance music resumes]

Stop. Stop this.

[music fades quickly]

[Marie-Mai muttering in French]

Uh, Frankie?

Marjorie!

{\an8}[dance music resumes]

{\an8}[women swearing in French]

[overlapping arguments]

[whistle blows loudly]

Don't blow your whistle
too hard, Shoresy.

You'll give yourself
another conky.

I said the same
thing to your mom

about blowing my dink.
- f*ck you, Shoresy.

Oh, quit crying, Cory.
You're just like your mom.

- Yeah, f*ck you.
- She made me put her legs

behind her head, then cried
when she got a leg cramp.

It's always something with
her. I'm so sick of it.

- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Liam.

You're just like your mom. She
makes everything about her,

even when it's Cory's
mom's birthday.

- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Cory.

Your mom likes me like
she likes her Caesars,

stiff and on Sunday morning.

[Liam]: Tie game with five
minutes left and you call that?

[Shoresy imitates crying]

What a f*cking awful call.

Well, you get that whining
from your mom, bud.

- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- She made me put my whole arm

inside her then cried
when I knocked over

the box of baking soda
she keeps up there.

[Cory]: f*ck you, Shoresy.
- Oh, I'm so mad

at your mom right now, Cor.
She wanted to role-play

as a dog and master,
but then k*lled the mood

when she dragged her
butthole across the carpet.

[Liam]: f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Liam.

Your mom's got me
on a pineapple diet

so I taste better for her,
but she's so f*ck' fat

that extra sugar
might cost her a foot.

- f*ck you, Shoresy.
- f*ck you, Cory.

Your mom shoots so much
c*m around my room,

I gotta put woodchips
on the ground

like I've got
f*ck' guinea pigs.

[Cory and Liam]: f*ck you!

[disheartened music]

[rhythmic music]

Can I please play?

- I don't know, can you?
- May I?

This isn't a grammar
lesson, dude. I'm asking.

Asking if I can play?

- Yes.
- Huh?

Yes, physically, can you play?

I can contribute.

I love that about you, man.

You're pointless
your last ten games.

Playoff games. You
can barely skate.

- I can skate.
- I said barely.

- I'm sorry.
- But you always

find a way to contribute.
- I can still drag

the boys into the fight.
- Doesn't your head hurt?

The lights are a bit
bright in here, yeah.

Still can't push when you sh*t?

No, it's basically at the point

I only sit down if it's just
gonna run right outta me.

- Dude.
- It's a bit of a,

"smack the side of the
ketchup bottle" situation.

I just take what I can get.

Why do you wanna keep
doing this to yourself?

Because I love it.

So, please just let me play.

You know how that's gonna look.

- Just let me...
- They'll come for my head.

Just come on, just let me play.

Dude, you were out cold!

- Two shifts a period.
- No.

- One shift a period.
- No.

One shift, final offer.

We can talk about
what happens next

after this game, but you
are not playing this game.

- I'm so f*ck' mad at you.
- I don't care.

- I'm so f*ck' mad at you.
- I can live with that.

- What if we lose?
- I can learn to live with that.

Then you don't
love winning, Nat.

Has it occurred to you
I care more about you

than I do about winning?

[Ziig]: Nope.

Owner said there's no
charge, but he'll take some

of that crab for his risotto.

- He can have some right now.
- I'll let him know.

Then we can eat it together.
I'll make us a rezo at the bar.

[Miig chuckles]
- Pretty heavy pre-game meal.

Why won't you have
dinner with me?

[Laura]: You're a sl*t.

- I'm a hockey player.
- Same thing.

You've never thought
about life beyond it?

- Nope.
- You never thought about

life without it?
- No.

Miig and Ziig said
to meet them here.

- Focus.
- Don't you have to interview

one of those Hunt guys?
- You just went seven games with them.

I know everything I want to.
- f*ck' losers.

You never once thought
about what you'll do

when you stop playing hockey?

Why not?

'Cause if I'm not
a hockey player...

A sl*t.

I don't know.

- Okay, you're a hockey player.
- Mm-hmm.

- Know who you are?
- Yeah.

You're a guy who can't
push when he shits.

[Anik]: And that's
all she wrote.

{\an8}Les Rapides de Rawdon keep
their undefeated streak alive

{\an8}and advance to the final,
where they will play the winner

{\an8}of the SOO Hunt and the
Sudbury Blueberry Bulldogs.

{\an8}Gord, I know you run a
busy restaurant on PEI.

You on the first
flight home tomorrow?

No, actually, we're gonna
stay until it's all over.

Treat the players to a big
Atlantic seafood supper.

Can't leave without showing a
little Maritime hospitality.

Nice guys 'til the
end. Thanks, Gord.

Thank you.

We clear? Okay.

Gord...

Let's grab a drink.
- Ah, I can't tonight.

- Sure, you can.
- I might be meeting somebody.

- Might?
- Yeah.

Are you g*y?

- You're an idiot.
- I got a speeding ticket.

I didn't drive us off a cliff.
- No, you're an idiot

if you don't go
out with that guy.

- You're an idiot.
- No, you're an idiot.

- Leave me alone, bro.
- He's asked you out twice

and you still don't
think he's interested?

He's just being a sl*t.

He's not asking
you to get married.

He can have any girl
he wants in Sudbury.

[Miig imitates crying]

- He doesn't want me.
- Do you want him?

Then what's the problem?

[Shoresy]: You're late.
- Oh, f*ck you, Shoresy.

You said be here between
the second and the third,

then you weren't here.
- So?

So, that's five, six
minutes I could've had

my hand on Laura Mohr's leg.
- Oh, my God.

Don't talk to me about
being intimate with a woman.

I'll f*cking puke.

Tough day at the
barnyard then, eh, Ziig?

- Leave her alone, bro.
- Eh, the big boys musclin' ya

outta the trough again?
- She's not in the mood.

Oh, she's at peak
twat, all right.

We're late 'cause
she got a ticket.

You got a ticket? [mockingly]:
"You got a ticket?"

- From a guy?
- No, a chicken.

- You're an idiot.
- Told ya.

- You're an idiot.
- And you didn't get out of it.

No. Is there a f*ck' secret
handshake or something?

Hot girls don't get tickets.

- What?
- Hot girls get

anything they want.

You think that cop's seen
anyone hotter than you today?

Probably hasn't seen anyone
hotter than you this month,

unless you were with Miig.
- What?

But half the guys
maybe even think

you're hotter than Miig.
You're not like 50-50,

but like 40, 35.

Hey, you little f*ck' idiot.
- f*ck you.

- f*ck you.
- f*ck you.

- You think she's hot?
- Oh, yeah.

Think she's hotter than her?
Actually, don't answer that.

- Yeah.
- All right, get the f*ck outta here.

- f*ck you.
- f*ck you!

- f*ck you.
- Wanna know what you do

next time you're
gonna get a ticket?

- Okay.
- Huh?

Come here. I'm gonna
be you down in the car.

You come up to me
like you're a cop,

you're gonna give
me a ticket, okay?

- Me?
- No, f*ck' Santa Claus.

Come on over here
like you're a cop,

you're gonna give me a ticket.

This is all you have to do.

[softly]: Sorry.

What?

[softly]: Sorry.

- What?
- I'm saying f*ck' sorry.

That's all you have to
say. Look at him like that,

and you won't get
a f*ck' ticket.

[Miig laughs] [Shoresy]:
Oh, my God. What an idiot.

Me? [Shoresy]: No. Well, yeah.

Make up your mind, Grandpa.
[Shoresy]: f*ck you.

f*ck you. [Shoresy]: f*ck you.

Shoresy,

heard you're not
playing tomorrow.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

So, maybe ya say,
"Sorry to hear that"?

- Think you'll ever play again?
- Not gonna then, eh?

Frankie's really f*cking
up for the only guy

who isn't hurt.
- Frankie's got a mental

battle to win now.

You ever thought about
life beyond hockey?

- No!
- Never thought about it?

No, I'm a hockey player.

You've had two
concussions in a month.

At your age. Know who you are?

Guy who can't push
when he shits?

- I'm gonna grab a pop.
- But you've been good

on the BROdude broadcast.
- Oh, great.

That's all I've
ever wanted to be!

- On the BROdude broadcast?
- Good.

You've been really good.

Sometimes they run
outta cream soda so...

If you're not
playing tomorrow...

Really craving an Orange Crush.

- Come join me on the broadcast.
- Oh, talk about the game

rather than playing
it? I'd rather jam

a root beer mug up my a*s.

- Couple interviews a period.
- No!

- One interview a period.
- No!

- One interview, final offer.
- No!

["Objects of my Affection" by
Peter Bjorn and John plays]

[Anik]: Come on,
let's sh**t something.

[♪]

♪ I remember when ♪

♪ when I first moved here ♪

♪ A long time ago ♪

♪ 'Cause I'd heard some song
I used to hear back then ♪

♪ A long time ago ♪

♪ I remember when ♪

♪ even further back ♪

♪ In another town ♪

♪ 'Cause I saw something ♪

♪ written I used
to say back then ♪

♪ Hard to comprehend ♪

♪ And the question is ♪

♪ was I more alive
then than I am now ♪

♪ I happily have to disagree ♪

♪ I laugh more often now ♪

♪ I cry more often now ♪

♪ I am more me ♪

[music fades]

You look sharp. [Sanguinet]:
You're looking...

- Shut up.
- Okay.

- Like sh*t.
- Not actual sh*t.

I'm worried I'm
making a mistake.

You're not. He's too hurt.

What happened to never
let them know you're hurt?

My man's not capable
of that anymore.

- Oh, he was so mad at me.
- You can live with that.

What if we lose, huh?

You can learn to live with that.

[Shoresy]: Lookin'
pretty sharp, Sanguinet.

It's just not as fun without
your favorite player.

Nat, you're lookin'
pretty shitty.

[Nat]: f*ck you, Shoresy.
- How you feeling?

Well, my entire
team's about to play

a hockey game and I'm not.

- Pretty good then?
- Oh, real good.

- Been in the room yet?
- No, but I'll be there.

You always find a
way to contribute.

Gotta find a way to contribute.

Speaking of which,

I want you to do
something for me.

I want you to read the line-up.

You're too banged up to play
and I take full responsibility

for my role in that.
I'm sorry, my guy.

But the team needs their leader.

The boys need to hear from you.

You do something for them
that no one else can.

So, help me set the tone.

Read the line-up.

That's the stupidest idea
I've ever heard in my life.

- Right.
- That's soft.

- Okay.
- Oh boy, I'm gone

for five minutes, you're
already acting like a girl.

- All right, I get it.
- You're emotional.

Like, Sanger, if I didn't
know any better, I'd think

you were trying to give
me a tuggy right now.

- No.
- You're sure?

That's not what you're
trying to do right now?

- No, it's... no.
- No?

Like, if I didn't
know any better,

I'd think you're maybe out
there givin' a tuggy or two.

- Later.
- Yeah, go change outta your skirt.

We got a hockey game to play.
- All right,

I won't ask for any more favors.
- My God!

[Sanguinet]: Goody, you ready?
[Goody]: f*ck' right, Sanger.

[Sanguinet]: Good 'cause
you're goin'! [team]: Ya-hoo!

[Sanguinet]: Dolo, you ready?
[Dolo]: Une fois, mon Sanger.

[Sanguinet]: Good 'cause
you're goin'! [team]: Ya-hoo!

[Sanguinet]: Hitch, you
ready? [Hitch]: Yes, sir!

[Sanguinet]: Good, 'cause
you're f*ck' goin'!

[team]: Ya-hoo!

[Sanguinet]: Marksman
Michaels, are you ready?

[Michaels]: Damn right, Sanger!

[Sanguinet]: Good, 'cause
you're f*ck' goin!

[team]: Ya-hoo!

[Sanguinet]: Let's
f*ck' go, boys!

[team cheering]

[Shoresy]: Let's
have a big one.

Let's have a big one, boys.

Let's have a big
one! Everybody goin'.

Everybody goin'.

[Anik]: Shoresy.

[Shoresy]: All right,
let's get this over with.

You're back in the Sudbury Arena

playing the SOO Hunt with
the season on the line.

How's the scar tissue?

I don't know what that means.

- It was a bit confusing.
- Mm-hmm.

Déjà vu?

Is that a question?

- Well, yeah.
- Huh?

This is going great.

Yeah, you're doing really good.

How are the boys
feeling going in?

We went seven games
with these guys.

We know them well. We
know their secrets.

And what are those?

Delaney's a coke head,

Palmer's a dumb f*ck, and
Schnurr's an old fart.

- So, you're confident.
- Doesn't matter what I am.

I'm not playing.

Is JJ Frankie JJ a distraction?

Why, 'cause he's so big,

he's just always in
your peripheral vision?

I mean his most recent scandal.

I don't care what Frankie
does as long as he scores.

- He's not scoring.
- Neither am I.

So, what does he have to do?

What does he have to do?

Well, he's the only
one not playing hurt.

I'm really craving a
ginger ale. I think.

- Oh. Oh, yeah. Thank you.
- Yep.

- Thank you, Shoresy.
- You bet.

[Anik chuckles]

[distant crowd cheering]

- See what I mean?
- Yeah. He's perfect.

[whistle blows]

[crowd boos]

[Shoresy]: f*ck's sake.

- Liam's not even 19 yet.
- Shut up.

I basically am.

[foot clunk on chair]
[Cory]: Yo, f*ck off.

What the f*ck are you doing?

[whistle blows]

[crowd shouts] f*ck's sake!

[Liam]: Hey.
- Settle down.

- I said f*ck off.
- You ever been to a f*ck'

hockey game before?

[Hunt players cheering]

[Nat exhales]

[Cory]: They're
beating you mentally.

They're f*ck' whooping
us mentally, Cor.

The SOO celly so big.

f*ck' clown show.

Suckin' the air out
of your bench, though.

Someone's gotta
snap 'em outta this.

Need some action.

Someone's gotta drag
this team into the fight.

["Joy [God Only Knows]"
by Joy Anonymous plays]

♪ I may not always love you ♪

[crowd jeers]

♪ But as long as
there are stars... ♪

f*ck!

♪ You'll never
need to doubt it ♪

♪ I'll make you so sure... ♪

Wake the f*ck up!

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

♪ God only knows what
I'd be without you ♪

[♪]