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01x03 - How To Improve Your Memory

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "How To with John Wilson". Aired: October 23, 2020 – September 1, 2023.*
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John Wilson attempts to give advice while dealing with his own personal issues.

01x03 - How To Improve Your Memory

Post by bunniefuu »

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JOHN WILSON: Hey, New York.

Life is filled

with precious moments.

Ones, uh, that we wish

we could hang on to forever.

But our ability

to recall everything,

no matter

how much it means to us,

gets worse and worse over time.

And if you don't have

an accurate record,

you may never be able to, uh,

trust your own version

of events.

And then you'll just end up

remembering things

the way that someone else

wants you to

but it doesn't have

to be this way.

So stick with me,

and I'll show you

how to turn every waking moment

into something

that's impossible to forget.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Now, a good memory is

one of the most attractive

qualities a person can have.

My memory's not very good,

and it's always

made me feel insecure.

This is kind of why I started

sh**ting so much video.

I've also been writing down

every single thing I do

every single day

for over a decade now.

Whenever I do something

or go somewhere,

I put it right here

in these books.

(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

On January 10th, 2018,

I woke up at 8 a.m.

and ate four strips of bacon.

On August 22nd, 2014,

I got a haircut

at, uh, Home Run Barbershop.

And on March 12th

of the same year,

uh, I got a salad for lunch

and accidentally dropped it

all over 32nd Street.

It's kind of like time

traveling.

If I ever need

to remember something,

I can just go back to my book

and read about that day,

and I'm immediately transported.

But unfortunately,

this isn't memory,

because the second

I look away from these books,

everything just begins

to blur together

and I can barely remember

who I am or how I got there.

And if I'm not careful,

one day all these records

could just go up in smoke.

But New York

can be a painful place

to have a good memory

because the better

you remember it,

the less, uh,

you recognize over time.

There used to be a a bar

on 2nd Avenue, uh,

called Mars Bar

that I used to go to.

But now it's a TD Bank.

Um, thankfully, it looks like

some of the regulars, uh,

still hang out there, though.

They also recently demolished

one of my favorite, uh,

movie theaters.

There aren't many left

quite like it in New York City.

But at least it, um, looked like

they were having

a good time destroying it.

A friend told me recently about

someone who lives

in my neighborhood

who has such a good memory

that she actually competes

in memory competitions.

And she let me come over

to look at some of her awards.

JOHN: Let me see this

-YANJAA WINTERSOUL: Oops Yeah.

-JOHN: Oh my god, sorry.

Yes, this is yeah,

World Memory Championship 2017.

These are Singapore,

and then there are some from,

I guess, Sweden, Fra

not France, what is this?

JOHN: She seemed a little bored,

but maybe that's because

this was her third interview

in 24 hours.

Were there any methods of yours

that you used

to improve your memory?

Uh, most competitors

use a technique called

the memory palace technique.

For example, if you want to know

the periodic table

of elements in order,

then you can place them

in the memory palace

and go, like, "H, hydrogen,"

so maybe on your bed

you put like, lots of water.

Your bed is suddenly

just made of water,

and then your nightstand

might be made out of balloons

so then you remember

helium balloons.

I mean, you kind of just

move along in a logical pattern.

JOHN: The technique

she told me about

sounded like a good idea.

All you have to do

is close your eyes

and imagine you're walking

through a physical space

that you know really well

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

and mentally place the things

you want to remember,

uh, all along your path.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

JOHN: So I tried to use it

to remember

my, uh, grocery store list.

And I'll use my commute to work

as, uh, the memory palace thing.

So, here's what it looks like

in my head.

(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

I leave my apartment,

and I almost slip

on a banana peel.

(WHISTLES)

Then, on my way to the subway,

uh, I'm reminded that I need

to buy some broccoli.

I also need drumsticks

And some brea chicken breasts.

When I get on the subway,

I'm reminded of

the fresh baguette that I want

and the dandruff shampoo

that I also need.

A few stops later,

I remember to buy Fuji apples.

But when I get off the train,

I realize that I actually want,

uh, Granny Smith.

I also need a pack

of playing cards,

acne cream,

and also, some, uh, donuts.

A couple of hunks of cheese

wouldn't hurt, either.

I also needed uh

ah, grapes.

And a Snickers bar.

Nutella was on my list.

And a good old Zagnut.

-Perfect.

-(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

Now that I had

my list memorized,

I went to the supermarket

to buy everything.

But even though

I knew exactly what I wanted,

I had a really hard time

finding some things

in the store.

The only available employee

was a security robot.

The rest of the staff

was preoccupied

because someone had actually

just run out of the store

with a bunch of groceries

without paying,

and nobody knew what to do.

The robot looked trustworthy

and wise,

and I couldn't believe

that such a sophisticated piece

of technology

would allow a robbery

to take place in broad daylight.

But maybe that's not what

it was, uh, programmed to do.

So I got as much as I could

off the list

but, uh, I still couldn't find

any Zagnut bars.

Unfortunately,

this f*cking machine

could not accept questions,

but I finally spotted

an employee

uh, who didn't seem too busy.

-CHRIS ANATRA: What's that?

-JOHN: A Zagnut bar?

No.

JOHN: Uh, it's like a candy bar.

Okay.

JOHN: It turned out, uh,

he didn't actually

work at Stop & Shop,

but he was the creator

of the inventory software

used to organize everything.

CHRIS: Pretty much,

from A to Z, all of their needs,

anything

that needs traceability,

is what our software

is really good at.

JOHN: I told him I was making

a student film about memory,

and he started sharing

some of the weird experiences

he's had in the world

of supermarket inventory.

I specifically remember

this being called

Stouffer's Stovetop Stuffing.

But it's always been, now,

Kraft Stovetop Stuffing.

And it's always been that way,

it wasn't

From the 1970s,

it's always been Kraft.

But I remember the commercials,

I remember everything

about being it

called Stouffer's

Stovetop Stuffing.

So, here's another one, too.

The Raisin Bran guy?

I know he always

used to have sunglasses,

but now, he's never

wore sunglasses, ever.

Febreze, I always remember

it being spelled

with two e's, "Febreeze."

Now it's "Feb-rez."

And it's always been this way.

Like, that's the point

that I want to make.

It's always spelled this way,

it's never been spelled

with the two e's.

JOHN: Not everything

he said resonated with me,

but I definitely thought, uh,

"Febreze" had more e's in it.

So, when he invited me

back to his, uh, office

to check out

his inventory software,

I said, uh, "Yes, sir."

There's no

there's no Stovetop Stuffing

-for Stouffer's in

-CHRIS: No stuffing.

However, I'm gonna bring one up

that myself and my dad

got into, like,

a little kerfuffle about.

Um, it was about

the JFK assassination.

Like, if you look at

the picture of the car here,

there's, like

all these extra people

in the car.

I I always remember

there distinctly being

four people in the car,

and then as I was searching

to try to find an answer,

because every video

was the same Zapruder film,

I saw, "JFK assassination

Mandela effect."

I'm like, "Mandela effect?

What the heck

is a Mandela effect?"

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

Some people

have a very distinct memory

that Nelson Mandela was k*lled

in prison in the late 1980s,

and then, I think around 2009,

were kind of shocked to find out

that Nelson Mandela

was still alive.

So that was the first recorded

group remembering of an event

that did not match

the historical record.

JOHN: Oh, okay.

So, is is there, like

What, uh

The more you look into it,

the more you see

these different things,

not just in food service,

but in geography of the planet.

For example,

I remember when South America

used to be under North America,

not pushed all the way out

towards Africa.

Or your heart used to be

offset to the left.

Now, it's just about

in the center of your chest.

From what I remember,

it used to be Sex in the City,

and now it's Sex and the City.

Is the word "a lot" one word,

a-l-o-t, or is it two words?

"Sometimes," is it s-o-m-e

Is it two different words, or

I actually called

the Scotchgard company,

and I'm like, "When did you guys

change your product name

from 'guard,' g-u-a-r-d,

to g-a-r-d?"

"Objects in mirror

are closer than they appear."

Is there a hidden meaning?

Are we being communicated with

somehow regarding

these Mandela effects?

Is it trying Are we trying

to be taught something

that we haven't quite

grasped yet?

So, myself and others are,

like, really looking into that,

and we're starting

to find patterns.

JOHN: I still didn't have

all my groceries,

but I was hypnotized

by his elaborate theories.

JOHN: Were you afraid of Y2K

when it was about to happen?

No, actually, I really wasn't.

JOHN: And I soon learned that

this was more

than just a hobby for him.

The first official

Mandela Effect Conference

is being organized,

so that people can feel

at ease about their memory,

in that, "Don't worry,

there's a lot of people

that have the same type

of memories that you have,

and they're

and they're shared."

So there's gonna be

a group of people

coming together

to talk about that.

I think it's gonna be

an an historic event.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC CONTINUES♪

JOHN: After I left,

I couldn't stop noticing, uh,

little inconsistencies, uh,

everywhere that I looked.

Is there always

a dash in the "Coca-Cola"?

TRUCK DRIVER: Huh?

JOHN: The "Coca-Cola,"

is there always a dash in there?

TRUCK DRIVER: Yeah.

JOHN: Oh, okay, but what about

on the back of your jacket?

There's no dash on there.

-TRUCK DRIVER: There's no dash?

-JOHN: Yeah.

I've never seen it

without the dash before.

Nah, it's 'cause I had it

I had it made up.

-JOHN: Oh, okay.

-I had it made up.

That's the only reason

it don't have the dash.

JOHN: Oh, okay.

I wasn't sure what was related

to the Mandela effect or not.

But there was definitely

something going on.

(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

I walked outside

of my apartment recently,

and I noticed that the city

changed out all the garbage cans

to the older, uh,

"Oscar the Grouch" style,

uh, which I thought was weird.

As I kept walking, my neighbors

looked different, too.

I was

I was getting really confused,

but I soon realized

I had actually just stumbled

onto the set of a movie.

It was Stephen Spielberg's

remake of West Side Story.

And they were pretending

that Queens

was the Upper West Side

in the early '40s.

For the rest of the week,

it was hard to tell who was

a human and who was an actor.

And I kept getting in trouble

walking around

because I was

from the wrong era.

A week later,

I thought my neighborhood

was back to normal,

but it turned out they were, uh,

just sh**ting another movie.

After that, I had trouble

trusting anything I saw.

And I just started assuming

that everything was a movie.

This looks like a good one.

Excited for this one

to come out.

But the more I paid attention,

the more I wondered if some

of this confusion was by design.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

I was walking

by the Thanksgiving Day parade,

and I saw that

there was a malfunction

with

the Ronald McDonald balloon,

and it had to be pulled

in the middle of the event.

But later, when I mentioned this

to a friend

who had watched

the parade on TV,

they had no idea

what I was talking about.

It turned out,

the live broadcast

had spliced in footage

from last year's float

to make it seem

to viewers at home

that everything was normal,

while in reality,

Ronald's deflating carcass

was being pulverized

in the middle of 42nd Street

while spectators

watched in horror.

This act of deception

created two groups of people

with completely different

memories of the same event,

and neither of them is wrong.

The conference that the guy

mentioned was happening soon.

And I was starting to feel

like I shouldn't miss it.

So I caught a cheap flight

to, uh, Ketchum, Idaho,

where the first-ever

Mandela Effect Conference

was being held

at a Best Western, uh, "Plus"

in the, uh, Pow Wow Room.

The conference organizers

were just getting set up.

But once they installed

their, uh, custom sign

that they had shipped in,

uh, the host took a moment

to chat with me.

So, in my head, it's always been

"Berenstein" Bears.

I learned to read

on those books.

I was as sure as my next breath

that it was an e.

Turns out

it's never been an e,

it's always been an a.

And that bothers me a lot.

That was my first one

I ever found.

And I couldn't let it go.

When you know what you know,

you can't deny your memory.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

JOHN:

Everyone started to file in

and sample free veggies and dip.

The guy from the supermarket

showed up, too.

There was a lot

of literature there.

And, uh,

custom apparel and decals.

People were having

very animated discussions

about their different theories.

Like, I was just hearing that

-somebody remembered

having a dog

-Right.

and then their mother's like,

"No, we never had a dog,

-we were a cat family. Never."

-Right, right.

And she has all these memories

of this dog.

You know,

where did they come from?

-This happens a lot?

-Yeah.

JOHN:

All the presenters talked about

some of the most

well-known, uh, Mandela effects.

Minds were being

absolutely obliterated

with all of this

forbidden knowledge.

Now, when you look

at this picture,

do you see a Mandela effect?

-AUDIENCE MEMBER 1: Yes. Yes.

-AUDIENCE MEMBER 2:

Yeah. The stripes.

The stripes!

Those were never there before.

Not not that I remember.

JOHN: But the more

I talked with people,

uh, the more I realized that

they didn't think of this

as a memory problem at all.

What do I think

the Mandela effect is?

Um, I would say

it's a timeline shift,

you know, um,

proof of the multiverse

you know, different timelines.

It's like evidential existence

of parallel timelines.

JOHN: Everyone there,

no matter

their individual experience,

was on the same page about this.

So, the Mandela effect

is the consequence

of jumping timelines

while holding memories

of the previous timeline.

JOHN: In their minds,

their memories were perfect,

and they were the chosen few

who could remember details

from alternate dimensions

that they once inhabited.

PRESENTER:

And I remember Benicio del Toro,

he died around 2001.

I think both of them are

still alive right now, I hope,

and I'm not sure

what that's about,

but it is interesting.

JOHN: They were using

the most complicated

scientific theories possible

to explain what most people

would consider, uh,

everyday forgetfulness.

Personally, I think

I've I've done this.

Literally, I'll have a pen

that I'd like to write with.

I put it down, I stood up,

turned around,

and went, "Oh, I want the pen,"

and it was gone.

It was not there.

And I just

looked on the floor,

looked on the table, nothing.

Three days later,

I'm sitting at the computer

like this with the pen,

and I have no idea

where it came from.

Um no.

JOHN: I purchased his book

to learn more

about his, uh,

quantum timeline theory,

and I took it back to my room,

which was conveniently

on the other side of the wall

from the convention space.

There wasn't a lot of,

uh, science in there,

but in the first 30 pages,

the author claims

to have invented Pokémon

and met Mark Twain in a hot tub.

This didn't explain much,

and I was hoping to get

more of an explanation

when the Q&A began.

CHRIS: It's usually,

um, some kind of, like,

um, hard drive technologies.

CHRIS: What's that?

-AUDIENCE MEMBER 3: Silicon.

-CHRIS: Yeah, I think ultimate

yeah, ultimately silicon.

CHRIS: Yeah, yeah.

AUDIENCE MEMBER 3:

CHRIS: Okay.

JOHN: The conference

was almost over.

Uh, but before leaving,

I decided to spend some time

with the organizer, Jerry.

He wanted to show me the town's,

uh, other Best Western,

where he worked

as a night manager

and, uh, actually

lived there too.

According to science,

we're in the Orion Arm

of the Milky Way.

Generally speaking,

the dash was always

in the middle

on the Coca-Cola logo.

The company Costco

lost their t.

Another strange thing

about the flip-flops

is all evidence of the flip

disappears after the flop.

JOHN: So, are your coworkers

gonna be in there?

JERRY:

They will be. They will be.

And all of them

are affected, too.

They were actually affected

before I ever got here.

'Cause people asked them

the questions,

and they realized that things

aren't the way

they remember 'em either.

One of our amazing

front desk managers,

Miss Brooklyn.

JOHN: Uh, have

have you been, uh, affected?

Yeah, actually because of him,

I've realized that a lot,

I have, yeah.

-Absolutely.

-JOHN: Like what?

Well, like "Kit Kat."

"Febreze" blew my mind.

"Froot Loops." (CHUCKLES)

JOHN: Oh, so it's, like,

the spelling of things?

Yeah, just the spelling,

and the way I remember it.

JOHN: Do you think this

has a lot to do with memory,

or is it something different?

I personally think it's memory.

That's me.

But I know these guys think

a little bit differently,

but I think it's memory.

-No, please be honest,

whatever you think.

-No, yeah. (LAUGHS)

-(JERRY LAUGHS)

-We talk. (CHUCKLES)

-JERRY: Absolutely.

-JOHN: Yeah.

Yeah.

JERRY:

Not gonna lie, I'm a bachelor.

JOHN: Me, too.

-JERRY: Really? Very nice.

-JOHN: Yeah.

JERRY: It's the way to be, man.

Save a lot more money that way.

(GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

So, let me turn the question

on you.

Are you affected?

JOHN: Yeah, I mean, I

Which ones just really

grabbed you and said,

"Oh my god, some

That's not right"?

JOHN: Uh, the rearview mirror.

Uh, "Objects in mirror may be

closer than they appear."

Right!

JOHN: It seemed like I had found

the one place

where the worse your memory was,

the more people liked you.

And they would go

to great lengths

to make you feel accepted.

JERRY: Here we go!

"Objects in mirror are closer

than they appear."

JOHN: 'Cause you remember

"may be," right?

JERRY: Yes, sir!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

JOHN: It felt kind of nice

to be validated so easily.

And I was almost sad that

it was time to go back home.

When I landed in New York,

I was hungry,

so I stopped for lunch

at an airport restaurant

called CBGB.

It seemed like it had a lot

of music-themed decor,

but I was here for the food.

I ended up getting their, uh,

signature hot dog

for twelve dollars,

and it wasn't half bad.

When I got home,

I tried to write everything

from that weekend

down in my calendar,

but I got distracted and started

looking at old entries.

And I eventually

read everything, uh,

from the beginning,

chronologically.

It was the first time

I had ever done that,

and it felt like I was reading

about a different person.

I remember being spontaneous

in my 20s,

but everything I read proved

that I was a sl*ve to routine.

And I noticed

relationship patterns

that I had been

trying to ignore.

By the end of it,

I was in a terrible mood.

And I realized

that maybe it's unnatural

to try to preserve some things.

The way the past exists

in our head

is not always the way

that we experienced it.

And at the end of the day,

there will always be distortions

as long as humans

are responsible

for remembering everything.

So enjoy this fantasy

while you can,

because if you're having

a bad day today,

you can always remember it

being better tomorrow.

("OBJECTS IN

THE REAR VIEW MIRROR"

BY MEAT LOAF PLAYING) ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

They are ♪

(CHOIR VOCALIZING)

Objects in

The rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

-They are closer ♪

-And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

-They are closer ♪

-Objects in

The rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

-They are closer ♪

-And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

-They are closer ♪

-And objects

In the rear-view mirror ♪

May appear closer

Than they are ♪

(SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

JOHN: This is John Wilson.

Uh, thanks for watching.

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(FLITTERING MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

I sat here eating a tub

of coffee ice cream

and I I spilled it

(LAUGHS) on the furniture.

What about you?

What have you spilled here?

Oh, I have never

spilled anything.

-JOHN WILSON: Oh, really?

-Yeah.

-JOHN: Oh, wow.

-I'm very careful.