Get Off My Lawn (2025)

[bunniefuu]

One kiss and I fell in love

I started lookin'

to the stars above

One night it felt

like a dream when I met you

Oh oh and one tear

rollin' down the face

I kept holdin' on...

Hey there, sugar.

You must be my five o'clock. Oh.

And you're early. I like that.

Are we waitin'

on anybody else? No?

Well, all right.

Let's get this train a-movin'.

Choo, choo, choo.

Oh, isn't it all just sublime?

I mean, it's a great house

in a safe

and friendly neighborhood.

Oh, and something interesting

about the house.

There's only ever been

one owner.

Well, that is rare these days.

We're like little piggies

uncovering truffles.

Oink, oink, oink!

Now imagine yourself

coming home to this.

And when it's wine o'clock,

you take a little sip

and a little dip

in the sparkling pool out back.

Well, it is to die for. Ha-ha...

Oh, but we'll save that

for the grand finale.

All right, then...

Welcome to your dream home.

Oh, look. Oh.

Ta-da!

The house was built in '79,

and it was meticulously

maintained by the original owner

who kept its original charm,

and he meticulously updated it

every year.

Oh, with the help

of his grandson.

There's

a lot of great family history

in this house.

But if you're like

everyone else,

you're probably gonna

tear it all down

and build something better,

right?

Anyway, strap in

for my grand tour.

All right, let's start upstairs.

If you'll notice,

we have a banister.

No. No! Ah!

I can't breathe. No! No! No.

Well, wait, wait,

I have, I have children!

I can't breathe...

Oh. Oh, wait. Ah!

I know you! Ah, ah...

- Yeah. Ready?

- Three, two, one.

Are my eyes closed?

I can't even tell.

Can you... Oh.

- Hey!

- Babe, it looks so good!

We look so good.

Are you happy?

More than

I ever thought possible.

This is our dream house.

It is, huh?

- I feel rich.

- I, I feel rich, too.

I feel real rich.

You think they got black people

in the neighborhood?

Ah, third wheeling sucks.

Ethan, your F-boy energy

is giving ick.

- Stop.

- You know what, Ray?

- Your energy is giving simp.

- Okay.

Even if you are a third wheel,

Ethan, that's the best wheel.

Gives stability. Have you ever

tried to tip over a tricycle?

No, but I used to fall off mine

all the time.

Come on.

- There they are.

- Look!

Wait, hold up, babe.

We got a mailbox.

- We have a mail...

- We got a mailbox. Huh!

Oh, my God,

it's our own mailbox, babe.

Well, are you having trouble?

Wait, let me help you.

- Give me. Let me try.

- Aw, they're so cute.

- Are you gonna go over?

- But I didn't bring a gift.

Rule number one,

never show up empty-handed.

- Mm.

- Oh.

Here. Give 'em this.

- Ah.

- No, don't, don't do that.

Well, it has to be

something in here.

I should go say hi.

- Yeah, it's nice.

- Come on.

- All right.

- Here, Jackie, allow me.

She can be a little pesky,

but there's a trick

to opening her up.

- Oh. Thank you.

- Ah.

Okay.

I'm sorry,

h-h-how do you know us?

Why, you and Jason are

the newest members of my family.

- How did that happen?

- Um, hello.

His parents, uh,

they are the ones

who sold you this fine home.

- Oh, sweet. Yeah.

- What? Oh, my...

Hey, man, in my family,

the men hug, too.

- Man, get in here, brother.

- Very nice to meet you.

Yeah, we're still shocked

we even got

the house 'cause

we came in way under.

We came in a little low.

Sure as sugar you did.

Uh, but your beautiful letter

more than made up for it.

I actually have it right here.

I was reading it this morning.

- Oh. Okay.

- Oh. That's so sweet.

"Dear homeowner,

help make our dreams come true.

First-time owners

looking for a chance.

No inspections needed."

Ah. Here's the part.

"We know

this house is a family home,

and if you choose us, we promise

it will always stay that way."

That was all

my mom and I needed to hear.

It's why I chose you

to live in our home.

- Thank you, man.

- Yeah.

We appreciate it.

Oh, sweet Caroline.

Where are my manners?

- I'm Alec, by the way.

- Nice to meet you, Alec.

- And this is Ethan and Ray.

- Hey.

- Hi.

- Hi.

I-I used to catch fireflies

out here.

This house is amazing.

Alec's grandfather

used to own it.

- Gramps.

- Oh, good old gramps.

Oh.

Yeah, we grew up here.

Hide and seek.

Summer in the pool.

Oh, the grill nights.

Oh, does he know

how to sear a stake.

-Okay

-Well, I mean, he did.

- Yeah. Yeah.

- Right.

Oh, man.

Hey, hey, hey, Alec.

It is okay.

You've still got us.

You've got us.

Hey, sorry, it's, it's,

it's just all so fresh.

You're okay, cut it out.

It's okay.

Fresher than

the Prince of Bel-Air.

Yeah, of course,

your grandfather

sounds like an amazing person.

Um, we definitely

have big shoes to fill.

Yeah. And if we fillin'

them shoes, they better be big.

They better be huge!

Gramps' feet were normal size,

actually.

No. Yeah, no, I just...

- We meant, like...

- We know that. Yeah.

Anyway...

It's so nice to meet you.

You wanna come in?

- Oh, yeah, yes.

- Oh, I, uh, I cannot.

I have to go to the pharmacy

for my mom.

Yeah, I mean,

the-the dust in there sends me.

- So you go. You go ahead. I'm...

- Oh, yes, indeedy.

- See you later, alligators.

- Nice to meet you guys.

- After a while, crocodile.

- You ready?

- Yes. Ha-ha...

- Nice meeting you guys.

Oh, baby, here.

- What?

- Phone.

- Oh, hold that...

- Alec!

Yeah. Jason, yeah.

You gotta show me

the best spots.

- Yes. This is her.

- All right.

Okay.

Thank you so much.

- All right. Ha-ha-ha...

- Oh...

Home, sweet home.

Gramps and I

did all the remodeling together.

Yeah, I know this place

top to bottom, inside and out.

- Show it to me.

- Yeah.

Uh, Jason,

movers are on their way.

- Yeah, he just...

- Okay.

That's gramps and that's me.

Oh, wow.

Gramps had more medals

than you could shake a stick at.

- Well, yeah.

- Yeah, a real hero.

And these are our house rules.

All right, man.

Gramps always wanted me

to have this place.

When he passed, I thought

for sure I'd get to keep it.

But that's not practical,

I guess.

My father...

explained it to me.

Uh, would you mind

if I, uh, swung by the kitchen?

Oh, yeah, man. Come on.

Do what you gotta do.

Jason, you let him

swing in the kitchen.

No, he's fine, just let him, let

him walk around for a bit.

It's fine.

This is me growing up.

Gramps used to mark my height

every single birthday.

He started when I was one

right here.

- Okay.

- And then every single year.

Up, up, up, uppity-up.

Yeah, that's usually

how it goes, right?

Hey, I have an idea.

Let's all mark our heights.

- Jackie, you go first.

- Oh, no.

Actually, that's fine

'cause, you know,

we're gonna paint

over this. Right, Jason?

What?

Well, when we have kids, maybe

we can continue the tradition.

One last time

before you erase me?

Go ahead, man. Heh.

Come on.

Yeah, babe,

this is all ours, baby.

Babe!

Uh, we got a pool.

A pool with a Jacuzzi...

And we hit the jackpot, babe.

I still can't believe

they let us move in

before closing

with that low ball offer.

But I'm pretty sure

it was my idea to take it as is

that really sealed the deal, but

we saved them a ton of money,

taking all of gramps' sh*t,

foregoing the inspections...

Which reminds me,

you have to check the HVAC,

the plumbing, the electricity...

Babe, babe, I got us covered.

- All right?

- Good, good.

In the meantime, I guess

we can give Alec a little slack

with the pop-ins.

- So it's legally ours.

- Exactly.

Well, that Gen Z

Leave It To Beaver

don't bother me one bit.

That is how he is.

Oh.

You ready for bed, babe?

- You forgot?

- Forgot what?

Mm...

Oh, sh*t!

It's our anniversary, baby.

- I'm, I'm sorry.

- Hey, it's okay.

Look, I know we have a lot

going on. It's all right.

Girl, how could I forget that?

You see all these lights.

- Don't you?

- What?

Plugged 'em in for a reason.

You know our first date

was the best night of my life.

Baby...

What are you doing?

J... Come-come on, Jason, no!

We said no gifts!

I got you a card. That's it.

It's not much. Believe me.

Baby...

Jason.

- Jackie.

- What?

For the last eight years,

I have woken up every mornin'

thanking God

how lucky I got

to have you by my side.

And I know

that whatever He throws our way,

we'll survive

because we'll face it together.

Jackie-Jack,

I promise I will love you

with everything I have

because with you,

I have everything.

- Jackie Taylor...

- Yes?

- Will you marry me?

- My God.

Jason, are you kidding me?

Yes! Oh. Mwah.

Oh, my God.

A million times yes.

Well, hold on.

You ain't seen the ring yet.

Whatever.

Oh, my God. Uh, what?

It's from my last plumbing job.

- I know it's stupid, but...

- Uh, no.

Figured this hose clamp,

you know, be a placeholder

for the real thing,

which I promise I will...

I don't want another ring.

I just want you, okay?

Good... 'cause you'll always

have me.

Oh, my God!

- Jason.

- Here you go.

This might be a little loose.

- It's a little loose.

- So...

- That's why I brought this out.

- Oh, my God.

- Jason...

- Hold on.

- Oh! That's perfect.

- Is that good?

We're engaged!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God, babe.

Ain't it too late

to have a dog outside?

I don't know.

I don't know, but look at it.

It's so nice. We're gonna be

so happy here, baby.

Can you tighten it

a little more? Okay.

Hey, man.

- What are you doin'?

- Top of the mornin', brother.

You wanna be sure to give her

a skim after windy nights.

Your filter will thank you.

Thank you for the tip,

but you don't...

You don't need to do all that.

Someone does. You guys

are swamped with the move.

Besides, I enjoy doing it.

Gramps always had me do this

when I'd come over

to get away from my father.

It was always clean.

Well, look, man, you...

sh*t. Take a dip

anytime you want.

I'm running low. You want some?

Oh, you bet I would.

Gramps always used to say,

"A beautiful day

is just a cup of joe away."

Yeah.

He's not wrong.

All right, I'll be right back.

Good man is a good neighbor.

There you go.

Holy sh*t.

Man, that's a gnarly scar.

How'd you get that?

Ask my father.

Hey, guys.

What you doin' out here?

Um, uh, Alec was, uh,

just cleaning the pool

'cause evidently I failed to.

Oh, baby, well, you get a pass

'cause you've been

an apartment guy

for a long time.

So, apparently,

Alec is showing you

how to be the man of the house?

Well, technically, I'm the man

of the house. Gramps said so.

But I suppose we can share

that title. Right, brother?

Hey, apparently, I need all

the help I can get. So, yeah.

Uh, listen, honey, I'm gonna

head out to the firm, okay?

So you have a good day, okay?

Mm-hmm.

- Love you.

- Well, uh, everyone.

- You look beautiful.

- Thank you, handsome.

Come on. Show you somethin'.

All right.

I love this little spot.

It's very nostalgic to me.

- Over here?

- Mm-hmm.

This is

gramps' vegetable garden.

Oh, okay.

A little water,

a little fertilizer,

and before you know it,

it's carrots and peas

any night you please.

And I'll show you one more thing

over here.

- Oh, cool.

- Very dear to me.

When my dad would get mad,

I'd run over here

as fast as I could.

I'd put my hands in,

close my eyes,

and it felt like... a hand hug.

Nice handshake.

A hand hug.

Look, my hands

are almost as big as gramps.

Okay.

- Don't you love this place?

- I do. I do.

Hey, buddy, I gotta,

I gotta get ready for work.

- So...

- Oh. A-and I have school.

Don't worry about it.

I'll lock up the gate.

We're family now.

All right. Thank you.

We did the right thing, gramps.

He's a good man.

And you'd like Jackie.

I like her.

No, not like that.

Okay, well, maybe a bit.

I'm just the kind of guy

Who dreams of you

each night I'm...

Ethan should be here any second.

Why are we always hanging out

with him?

Like, wouldn't you rather

be alone with me?

Ethan's my oldest friend.

And as gramps would say,

"If you turn on your friends,

you won't like how it ends."

Oh, fine, I mean,

at least he's bringing alcohol.

And that's a win.

What's up, party people?

Ethan, babes, I missed you.

Wait, that looks yummy.

Can I have one?

Oh, I already poured you

a glass.

That's one for you.

Jug for me. Alec.

You know, in my family

we don't give in to temptation.

Ah, every time, dude.

More for me.

Mm...

This is just f*cked up.

Oh, yeah.

I know.

They're ruining our beautiful

town with their ugly flyers.

Okay, Alec, that's

hell a disrespectful, my guy.

Yeah, that's, like, really sad.

Think they're ever gonna

find her or-or what?

- I hope so.

- I wouldn't count on it.

Usually when someone goes

missing, they're never found.

But instead of feeling sad

she's gone,

I'm over the moon that we have

two fine new additions

to our neighborhood.

Yeah.

To Jackie and Jason.

Great people, great neighbors,

the newest members of my family.

- Okay. Cheers.

- Yeah. To Jackie and Jason.

Baby,

where do you want this one?

Oh, just pile that over there.

- All right. Yup.

- Thank you.

We are nowhere near ready

for this dinner party.

You know what, can you grab me

the two bottles

of wine

that I have in the garage?

I am your man. I

was already gonna do that.

Baby, the barking

is driving me crazy.

Hey, hey. Did I not just say

I was your man?

- I said that, right?

- Mm-hmm.

All the things

that you can do

My man. Ha-ha...

Sometimes it feels like

We were never meant

Okay...

Yeah.

Here you go, Cujo.

Jackie?

Jackie-Jack?

Oh, my God!

You scared the sh*t

out of me, Alec.

You moved the furniture.

Oh...

Yeah, how did you get in?

Those were gramps'

chit-chat chairs.

Jason, you know,

I keep on forgetting,

but we need to make

a to-do list...

- Babe. Babe.

- Whoa.

No worries, Jackie.

I didn't see anything.

Water stains. Best to sop 'em

before they settle.

What's up with Jackie?

What's up with her? Bruh...

Come on, man, she was, she was

shocked to see you in here.

I see.

Tell her I didn't get excited

or anything.

Right.

Yeah, I'll be, um, I'll be sure

to let her know that.

But back

to the original issue here.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd bring over

gramps' decorations

for the big party tomorrow.

I don't remember tellin' you

we were havin' a party.

You know, these streamers

really add a festive touch.

- I'll go hang them now.

- Hey, Alec...

Brother...

I got it. It's cool, all right?

Okay, good.

One more thing. The gutters

are starting to get...

I'm taking care of that

tomorrow, man. All right?

- I got it.

- I knew it.

You're attentive.

- You remind me a lot of gramps.

- Oh, yeah?

You know what gramps used to do?

He used to give me

a warm glass of milk

every single night

before he'd tell me goodnight.

Yeah, well,

I'm lactose intolerant.

That's a shame.

A glass of milk

will cure what ails you.

Neat-o.

J and J.

Jackie and Jason.

Yup, man, that's us.

Hey, look, man,

we-we really got a lot of stuff

to get to before the party, man.

Please don't say that.

Say what?

Say one thing when

you really mean something else.

I know you want me gone.

That's okay.

But we're family now, and family

is honest with each other.

It'll be a fun party tomorrow.

- What the f*ck? Jason.

- He's gone.

Gone? He saw me in a towel.

Angel, you had the towel, right?

Come...

Hey, did you tell him

we were havin' a party tomorrow?

Yeah, yes, the other day

when he was teaching me

how to change the pool filter.

Did he just walk in the door?

Apparently.

He said he, uh,

wanted to help around the house,

make sure

we were ready for the party.

Oh, and that, uh, seein' you in

a towel didn't get him excited.

Good to know.

It sure did get me excited,

though. Come on.

- Yeah?

- Get in this bed.

Yeah, it's still early.

Baby, I cannot believe

you let Alec

bully you

into cleaning the gutters.

- Now you're gonna be late.

- Okay, I'll be fast.

- I just gotta shower, okay?

- But backyard looks great.

Jason?

What?

Alec is swimming in the pool.

What the f*ck?

All right, I'll handle it.

Hold on.

- Thank you.

- sh*t.

Alec. Alec, my man.

Hey, our guests

are on the way, brother.

No problem. I brought clothes.

Okay, yeah, now this was like a,

like a private-type party thing.

- I don't think...

- Great job on the gutters.

And the string lights you put up

look nifty.

Thank you, thank you.

Hey, look, man.

You really don't wanna come

to this party, man.

- It's just our boring friends.

- Of course I do.

I used to go to every single one

of gramps' parties.

Okay, but our friends,

they're a little weird.

I don't know if you'll like 'em,

you know?

I don't mean

to be a butt in skies,

but you really should put

gramps' tools back in the shed.

I hear you, Alec,

but your grandpa

don't live here no more, man.

Heh-heh.

Our handprint stone.

Where is it?

sh*t. Um...

I just picked it up

and tried to move it,

and I, and I tried to save it

for you, man, but it-it-it

crumbled a bit. My-my bad, bro.

It was supposed to stay there

forever.

I understand that, and I, and I

know that your grandpa

used to live here, but frankly,

dude,

it's gettin' a little creepy.

You made a promise!

Jason, honey, our friends

are almost here.

A promise

should never be broken.

That's a house rule,

a family rule!

But this ain't your house, man.

And-and-and we're not

really family.

Follow the rules

or face the consequences!

Alec, listen, we're gonna have

to deal with this later.

- Jason, come on, let's go.

- Okay.

You have to follow the rules

or face the consequences!

- Okay, brother.

- What is he saying?

It's fine.

This is not how

it was supposed to work out.

No, siree bub!

He said, "As is."

He made a promise.

He called me brother!

Now all of gramps' stuff

is being manhandled

and our hand stone

is being turned

into a bunch of stupid pebbles!

Oh, my God, babe,

you're spiraling. Stop.

- This is not a good look on you.

- Hey, Alec.

It's okay, bud.

We'll figure this out

together. Here.

This might even

take the edge off.

Stop. Stop.

It's okay. It's okay.

Why are you talking business?

This is a party.

I'm not talking business.

Because that's all

he knows to talk.

Just, hey, hey, you ever linked

your own sausage before this?

- Oh-h*-h*.

- Jackie.

Ding, ding, ding.

Yes, you already...

Hey, y'all need to eat this.

This meat was expensive.

You get this

from the grocery stores?

This is extra strong

'cause that's,

I know that's how you like it.

Surely a dream!

- I am so happy!

- Thank you! Oh!

- Did I spill it?

- Oh, it's okay.

- No, you're good. You're good.

- It's okay.

OMG!

Love this decor concept, Jackie.

- You know, vintage is in.

- Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I wish I was that on trend.

This is the previous owner's.

And you know what? I'm just

gonna move this right here.

- I haven't had time.

- You scared me for a minute.

Hey, uh... who's the kid?

It's Alec. It's the grandson.

He's a regular neighborhood

welcoming committee.

No, no, no, no, Jason, more like

the neighborhood

welcoming weirdo.

All right? He shows up non-stop.

You guys should've seen

what he did before you got...

No, we don't need to go

into that.

- Nope. No, no, no, no.

- Why? Is it gross?

- No.

- Doesn't sound okay.

- Is everything okay?

- No.

- Hey, Jason.

- What?

- This kid giving you problems?

- No.

No, that guy, if he's giving you

problems, you gotta stop that

problem now before it gets

out of control.

Usually these things happen.

Hey, hey, everyone just listen.

I'm talking

to my buddy Jason here. Listen.

All I'm sayin' is

maybe this kid needs

a little talkin' to

from his Uncle Jimmy.

Maybe he needs

a little bit of lesson.

- Jimmy teaches lessons.

- He's a little sensitive.

Just give him a little smack,

you know?

No, that's the last thing

we need.

Entire generation...

Oh...

- sh*t!

- All right, babe...

- Are you guys okay?

- Well, yes. But what is that?

- What?

- What? What is it?

- It's a bird, and it's dead.

- A bird? What?

Oh, yeah, it's definitely dead.

- I'll get it. I'll get it.

- I'm sorry, you guys.

Birds fly at night

in the 'burbs, apparently.

Crashing.

It looks-looks insane!

- Oh, golly.

- Okay, okay.

Play it again. Play it again.

It gets better

every single time.

I'm being serious.

Alec freaks me out.

Well, at least he won't be

comin' around here no more.

No, listen,

he said there'd be consequences.

I told him we'd, I told him we'd

deal with

the handprint thing later,

but then he said

to follow the rules

or there'd be consequences. What

does that even mean?

Baby, baby, he's a kid.

He's harmless.

No, we need to talk

to his parents. Mn-mn.

You talkin', you

talkin' about them same parents

who still own this house?

That's who you talkin' about?

- Yeah.

- Come on, babe.

We-we rock that boat,

they-they'll back out.

Then where we gonna be, huh?

Be on the streets.

You tryin' to be on the streets?

Nope.

Besides, uh, you know...

I-I, um, I don't wanna get Alec

in trouble with his dad.

I get it, but you should've

been more careful, okay,

with the handprint thing.

You know, I-I get it,

I-I was telling you to clean up

the backyard, I was rushing you

and I did screw you.

It's fine. We had

a really good time at the party.

Everybody

had a really good time.

Now just, now it's time

for us to have a good time.

Jason?

But they promised in the letter.

Who cares

about the stupid letter?

Mom and I do. That's why

we gave them the house.

That is not why

we gave them the house.

We had to dump that place

as quickly as possible,

and I don't need

to tell you why.

Plus, they agreed to deal with

all your grandpa's crap.

They're not following the rules.

Oh, I see. They ruined

your handprint stone.

That settles it.

Let's evict their asses.

We could do that? Let's do that.

Hey, cut the sh*t and

hold the ladder.

Whoa!

Dad!

Oopsies.

You slipped.

Mm...

Well, new house, new fiancee.

- Mm.

- Life is good, baby.

And there's no one

I'd rather be with. Hm.

Oh, baby.

I'm hungry, baby.

You gonna cook?

I am starving.

Yes, I'll make you some...

- What you gonna cook?

- I dunno. What do you... Hey.

Oh, my...

Oh, my God. Jason.

Oh, sh*t.

They put it all back.

They got us, babe.

They put all the sh*t back.

Babe, we-we have the most

legendary friends ever.

They put it all back.

This is the best house warmin'

prank I've ever seen.

- Holy sh*t!

- Jason!

No, this was Alec.

Alec did all of this.

- No, come...

- Yeah.

That one dumb kid

could not do all this.

You serious? You know

who it was? It was Jimmy.

You know that fool be messin'.

This is his best one, though.

There's a stain!

A wine stain in my rug, baby.

- I can't. You know...

- Come here. It's just a rug.

Come here. It's not ruined.

- Jackie. It's not ruined.

- Of course it's ruined.

Look, come on.

Let's go get dressed, all right?

Come on, let's go get dressed.

We can go to Home Hardware.

We can get some stain removers.

Easy, easy fix.

We gotta go back there anyway.

Come on.

We've been there 12 times

this week!

We just moved, baby.

We just moved.

We gonna keep going back.

You want some Chinese food

tonight?

- I know you want some...

- Jason, I want Chinese...

We can go get some Chinese food

on the way back.

I hate

going to a hardware store.

We just moved, baby.

We gotta go.

- But beat it.

- Yeah.

Ah!

One kiss and I fell in love

I didn't do that! I didn't...

Did you change my preset?

- No, baby, I did not change...

- Jason. I would not do that.

- Why would I do that?

- Baby, stop!

Slow the f*ck down!

What is wrong with you?

- My God.

- I am so sorry. Are you okay?

Oh, this is a terrible way

to meet. I am Jackie.

Yeah. Jackie Stewart.

Uh, no, it's Jackie Taylor.

Yeah.

Jackie Stewart

was a race car driver.

- Oh. Uh, yeah, I-I'm so...

- Right.

- I'm so... I'm so sorry.

- No, no, no, I'm fine.

- Name's Catherine.

- I'm Jason.

Are-are-are you sure

you're okay?

You deaf? I just said I'm fine.

You know who's not fine?

My little poo-poo,

Brandy Alexander.

Yeah, she chewed on that bone

I'm assuming

my lovely new neighbors

threw over the fence.

- And now she's sick!

- Oh, I-I'm-I'm so sorry.

- Uh, uh, is she okay?

- What, are you both morons?

I just said she's sick.

She's been at the vet all week.

I am so sorry about that.

And-and we hope

she gets better soon.

We insist on payin'

that vet bill.

Oh, you don't need to insist.

It's a given.

Don't throw sh*t in my yard!

- sh*t will not be thrown.

- L-let's go.

Let's go, baby. Come on.

Look at all the shares

we have already.

It's, like, amazing.

Oh, my God. I know, right?

It was such a good idea

to post these.

- I know.

- You did what?

"Jumping jackasses?"

Yeah. Double Js,

like Jackie and Jason.

I thought of that.

Clever.

Okay, babe, don't worry. Just,

like, look at the comments.

- They're good.

- Oh, I'm not worried.

I just don't give a hoot

about entertaining

a bunch of carpal tunnel cretins

with a scrolling addiction.

- That isn't what life's about.

- Alec, what the f*ck?

Life's about following rules.

If you don't follow the rules,

you have to face

the consequences.

Gramps made that very clear.

They made a promise.

They didn't keep it.

Consequence, that house is mine.

So...

we keep pranking them

until they leave?

- That could work.

- Yes.

Technically,

they don't own the house yet.

- Mm.

- But no more posting.

- Too risky.

- Hm.

I mean, sure, they might bail,

but you know your dad's

not just gonna, like,

give you the house, right?

Yeah, uh, Denny is not gonna go

for that one.

But, you know, maybe if we get

a sh*t ton of likes,

follows and shares,

we can make, like, major bank

and you could

buy the house back.

And maybe we could live there

together.

Please?

Fine, but we can't show

our faces.

Okay. Yay!

All right.

Let's get a move on.

We are going to blow up,

you guys.

The sooner they leave,

the better.

- Oh...

- Let's go.

Suck my nuts, influencers.

- It wasn't him. Uh, it...

- What do you mean it wasn't him?

Baby, we've been

through this how many times?

He looked at the listing online

and he copied the furniture.

Come on.

You know Jimmy be messin'.

Look, I get it, Jimmy messes

with everybody's head, but this

is the last time I'm gonna tell

you, Alec moved the furniture.

Wasn't Jimmy, wasn't Mark.

No, he wouldn't do that.

He wouldn't break in.

That's ill*gal.

You know that. You a lawyer.

Well, I'm not a lawyer.

You know that.

Okay, a paralegal.

I'm sorry. Tomato, tomato.

- Oh, babe.

- See? Look.

- I told you, it's gonna be fine.

- Aw...

Ah! Oh, my... Oh, Jason!

f*ck. Babe?

Yoo-hoo. Angel-face.

Okay if I come in?

Sure, mom. Always.

Hey.

Look at you.

Oh, it's cozy in here.

I just got back

from parent-teacher night.

The teacher said

you've been awfully quiet

and keeping to yourself lately.

And I thought,

"That's my Alec."

Always so well-behaved.

Did dad go?

Oh, no, honey. He's still sore.

Thank God you were there

when he fell.

My son...

the hero, hm?

What is it, sweetie?

It's the new people,

Jackie and Jason.

I don't think

they should get the home.

Well, don't let your father

hear you say that.

What about their nice letter?

They broke their promise.

They're not following the rules.

I want them gone!

If that's how you really feel,

I-I'll talk to your father.

But for now...

my perfect Alec...

you just keep being you.

Hm?

What the hell? What time is it?

It's that old bag next door.

Just let's try and ignore it,

go back to sleep.

Jason, this is ridiculous!

We have to get up

in a few hours.

Uh...

Ugh.

Alec, hey, turn that off.

Hey, turn that off, okay?

I'm sorry, I'm just disappointed

about the stone and all.

And I wanted everything

to be perfect.

- And now it's all ruined.

- It's fine. Alec, it's fine.

You know what, let's just,

let's call this

water under the bridge.

Now it is very late, so...

I just wanted to be

a good neighbor.

That was the plan anyway. I...

Sweetie,

sweetie, look, it's okay.

I know that you're mourning and

I know that you love coming here

to visit your grandfather.

I still love coming here

to visit him.

This is where he's buried.

You're...

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

He's in that plant right over

there, fertilizing the soil.

So when we eat the new veggies,

gramps will become a part of us.

Isn't that swell?

Mm-hmm.

Promise me love

Jason, Jason!

Alec is in our backyard,

he's in the Jacuzzi

and he has access

to our sound system.

And it stopped.

Just try to go back

to sleep, baby.

Oh...

He said gramps is buried here.

Girl, he messin' with you.

He's-he's a weird f*ck' kid,

no doubt.

You know them-them Gen Z kids

be all about the drama.

I told you, baby, he's harmless.

I know you're not about

to go to sleep again

after I just told you

there's a dead body in our yard!

Jackie, Jackie, Jackie.

Baby, I am

99.99999% sure

that that little white boy

is f*ck' with you.

We have to be sure. There's

only one way to be certain.

- Come on, let's go. Come on.

- Go where?

- Are you serious?

- Jason, we...

- There's a dead body in...

- There's not a dead body!

How are you so sure?

I don't get it.

It's... Uh, oh,

are you kidding me?

We couldn't do this

in the morning?

This thing looks like a coffin.

No, no, I'm not digging first.

No, you dig first.

Jackie, you can't bury somebody

in a planter, babe.

There's, there's, like, rules

against it.

Well, well, what if they did?

It's loo-looking like

regular-a*s dirt to me.

Oh, oh, no.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

What is that? What is...

It's... Maybe it's rocks,

probably.

- That didn't sound like rock.

- Come on, babe.

Jason.

- Holy motherfuckin' sh*t!

- Ah! Oh! Oh, my God!

- Hell, no! Hell, no!

- Wait. Wait, wait.

- What you doin'? Don't touch it!

- Wait!

- Hold up. Baby...

- Stop! Oh, no.

- This place is f*cked!

- It's fake!

- It's f*cked, babe. I'm out!

- Jason.

Come here.

It's fake, but it's annoying.

I'm getting a restraining order.

That's a little extreme.

Come on, baby, grief makes

people do strange things.

I don't care. I'm getting

cameras and an alarm.

We can't just start drilling

holes into the walls for cameras

or-or-or sign a-an alarm

contract until we own the place.

Baby, we moved here

because it was safe.

Well, I don't feel safe.

You just don't wanna pay for it.

- You Jackie Taylor?

- Yes.

- That's me.

- Officer Tom.

You called in something

about a domestic disturbance?

Okay, we just moved in.

We are being terrorized, okay?

Messing with our furniture,

blaring music,

there are fake corpses

in the garden.

Yeah, corpses.

Well, I'll tell you what?

It sounds like maybe

just some neighborhood kids

having a little fun with ya.

You know, this whole area's

been kind of a hot spot

ever since

that woman went missing.

Yeah, I saw the posters.

What happened?

Um, I don't know. It's missing.

That's the whole thing.

- Please, don't ask.

- Well, it's not random kids.

I know who did it.

His name is Alec Todd.

Alec Todd? No.

That kid's a square.

Well, look, you have

any proof of this? Any evidence?

No, I don't have evidence,

but I know he did it, he left

a dead rat

right here on this stoop.

Oh. You have a security system,

cameras, anything like that?

We're working on it.

You do that,

I'll type up these notes

and we'll have everything

on record.

But you didn't write

anything down.

Don't worry about it.

It's all up here.

You have a good day.

That's it? Are you kidding me?

What-what if,

what if he does it again?

Okay. Have a good day.

Oh, my...

I'm sorry about the cops, babe.

They didn't do nothing as usual.

- But are we surprised?

- We are not.

- We are not.

- Mm-hmm.

- Thank you. Hm.

- Um, Jason.

So I was changin' the locks

and I was thinking,

"Screw it. Why don't we just

back out of the deal?"

Oh...

Okay.

I hear you.

I thought the same thing.

But, baby, we gave up

our rent-controlled apartment.

Okay, but we can find

another one.

We're not gonna find this deal.

- Yeah.

- Come on.

Baby, think about our future.

Right? Think about

us raising our kids here.

Look around.

This-this is our dream house.

Yes, Jason,

this is our dream house,

but this is turning

into a nightmare.

- A nightmare, babe?

- Mm-hmm.

I don't think

it's, like, really...

It's not a nightmare, is it?

They're playing jokes.

It's funny.

- Baby.

- Baby?

And I-I-I know I freaked out

about the skeleton prank,

but you gotta admit,

that was impressive.

- That was not funny.

- It-it was funny.

After the fact,

we was both laughing.

No.

Come on, I think we just have

a good old-fashioned hazing

on our hands. That's it.

Really? Uh, you think

this kid's just testing us?

To see we're worthy

of this house?

Something like that.

It's just some stupid-a*s kids

playing some stupid-a*s jokes.

And you know what we about to

do? We about to play some stup...

- Stop, that's not funny.

- We... That's what we gonna do!

Every video gets more hits

and likes than the last.

- Are you serious?

- Yeah.

- We are not blowing.

- We are!

This is about more than that.

Yeah, some comments

are hell a dark.

- Though.

- Let's hear.

"Stop playing

and k*ll them already."

- Oh.

- Yeah, I don't...

Gramps said, "Patience

makes waiting a pleasure."

- Now let's go. Masks on.

- Okay.

Oh, crud!

They changed the locks.

What?

- They changed the locks.

- Yeah, finally.

Duh. I mean...

It doesn't matter,

I know every inch of this house,

from soil to sky.

They'll never keep me out.

Yeah.

Let's go. Move it or lose it.

Oh, oh, f*cking sh*t!

Whatever. That was mid.

Alec, take me home.

- What?

- Alec, now. Please.

Hey, get off my lawn!

Oh, I got y'all good.

I got y'all good!

- Yeah, okay, boomer!

- They're not boomers. They're...

Hey, dumb asses! Yeah!

And I'm a millennial,

little boy!

sh*t!

- Babe, have you seen my keys?

- No!

- A-and I looked for it...

- I got this emergency job!

I gotta go!

You know what,

I'm gonna use the spare!

Don't lose those, too.

No, I didn't lose it!

I misplaced... Whatever!

- What?

- Nothing!

All right, I'm leaving!

I love you!

Love you, too!

Oh, man! What the f*ck?

Oh, oh, sh*t!

That sh*t's not funny

anymore! Alec, where you at?

f*ck!

That little sh*t.

We need to talk to his parents.

Yeah, fine.

Yeah, we'll, um, we'll invite

'em over for dinner this weekend

after closing

to say it's to celebrate.

Jason, we need

a full-on security system.

Babe, we're broke. We sunk

all our money into this place.

Our best option

is to speak to his parents.

I am sick of this, Jason,

because if we had

more money,

we'd have more options.

Well, too bad

we don't make more money.

Seriously? You know I could

have been a lawyer by now...

And you know

we didn't have the money.

We would have been fine,

but you wanted

to save, save, save

because you wanted to open

a contracting business.

You wanted a down payment.

Hold up.

You wanted this place, too.

The big house, the big family.

These are our plans.

- So don't put this all on me.

- You're putting this on me.

Okay?

Oh, would you look at that?

Your keys, Magellan.

- No, I looked here.

- Mm.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.

- Baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I love you, babe.

Babe, I just... I...

I need this to work.

We need this to work.

Babe, this place is gonna

set us up for life.

I know. I know.

Okay?

Welcome, everyone.

- To the house.

- To the house.

You know, I haven't had pasta

in 15 years.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Alec is gluten-free,

but what a treat for us.

Denny, uh, Sharon,

I-I have to say

thank you again for everything.

We're just so happy

to finally be out of the city

and really looking forward

to starting

our own family together.

Oh. It's a wonderful home

for children.

After all, Alec grew up here.

Ha-ha-ha...

Speaking of Alec...

I could speak of Alec all day.

- Ain't that the f*cking truth?

- Well, yeah, we...

You know, we've noticed that,

um, you know, he's a little

upset about the changes

that have been happening here.

Yeah, especially

the, um, the-the handprints.

Well, Alec is a very sensitive

and emotional young man

who has a lot to process

since the unbearable death

of his grandfather.

No, yeah, no, we-we agree.

Yeah, it's-it's just,

you know, it's...

Him and his crew, they've been,

they've been, uh, they've been

hazing us a bit, so...

Oh, kids do that

to their friends.

- They must think you're cool.

- Ah...

Well, Sharon, actually, they

have been hazing us quite a lot.

Guess they think

you're very cool, hm?

Look...

it's getting a little serious.

Oh, Alec can be serious

sometimes.

Alec can be so very many things.

You know, every year we sit

at this table on his birthday

and we make a list of

all things that make Alec Alec.

And then we blow out the candles

and wish

for whatever Alec wants.

We always use trick candles,

of course.

You ready, Alec?

Oh, my little poopy.

Ooh, yes! Ah.

Blow out candles.

Blow out candles.

Blow out candles.

Oh, blow out candles, please.

Ah!

What my wife's trying to say is,

don't worry.

Mm, mm, I may have taken my foot

off the gas pedal

a little bit recently

with regards

to the whole gramps dying thing.

But when it comes to it...

I know how to control my son.

Now...

what's for dessert?

- Oh.

- The fridge, it's, um...

- I... It's in the...

- Yeah. No, I'll, um...

- You wanna...

- I'll go get it.

Oh, Jason! Oh.

Where are my keys? Oh, what?

What is going on here?

What? Jason,

Jason, are you still there?

Oh, God, what is,

what is going on here?

Ah.

What is going on here?

Hey! Can somebody hear me?

Oh.

Oh, my God! Jason!

No. Help!

I'm gonna k*ll that kid.

Jason!

Somebody help me!

Oh, my... f*ck!

Jackie? Jackie, Jackie!

sh*t! Jackie, Jackie?

- Jackie. What the f*ck?

- Oh, my God.

Come on, baby.

What happened?

I'm getting a g*n.

I'm gonna pretend

that you didn't say that.

Um, not to use it.

Maybe just scare him.

No! We need

an alarm system, Jason.

We're gonna have to ask my mom

for money again.

Please, no, no, no, no. No more,

no more borrowing money.

- No!

- Please.

Jason, he could have k*lled me!

Baby...

I am gonna keep you safe.

I promise you that.

The garage door was locked, uh,

the car just started on its own.

- That's what you said.

- No, that is what happened.

I am scared.

I know.

I know.

Jackie?

Jackie?

Hi, this is Jackie Taylor.

Sorry I missed your call.

Jackie? Jackie?

Jackie?

Jackie, please answer me!

What the hell's wrong

with you? What?

Look at this.

What?

No. Jason. Oh, my God.

We have to call the police.

I'm calling the police.

Idiots used my bat.

Now it's evidence.

- Oh, good thinking.

- Yup.

- Damn, that was fast.

- What?

- What the..

- There's nobody.

Come on.

sh*t, Jason.

Look, they put it all back.

Somebody's about to get hurt.

- Oh, drop the weapon.

- No, I'm showing you...

Stop! That is my fiance!

He lives here!

Dispatch said something

about a guy with a bat.

This is a guy with a bat.

We're showing it to you

as evidence!

- Why would you...

- Oh, my God!

- You know us!

- I know her.

We haven't had the pleasure.

I, I'm Officer Tom.

- Is there someone in the house?

- Yes! Uh, no. May-maybe.

Look, listen, we stepped outside

for one second,

then this is back. You okay?

- Uh-huh-huh.

- I don't know.

We stepped outside

for one second, and then this.

This is back on the wall!

"A good man

is a good neighbor."

- Mm, can't argue with that.

- Oh, here, just, uh...

- Here. Just watch this, okay?

- Yeah.

Oh, no, no, no. No, that's not...

No, wait, wait, wait!

But maybe it's at the end, babe.

Big daddy cumming in

five, four, three, two, one!

Whoo!

I thought we weren't gonna do

the countdown anymore.

Okay. That's that.

- Thank God.

- That was them!

That looked like it was you two.

- No.

- Uh...

Officer, that was the...

Well, yeah,

that-that part obviously was us.

We did the...

Come on, uh, they filmed it!

Folks, I'm gonna level with you,

I have been up to my eyeballs

with this missing woman,

all right?

And between you, me

and the plaque on the wall,

I got nothing.

So I don't know

what all of this is,

but law-enforcement resources

are precious.

And I do not have time

for these games.

Officer, these are not games.

Okay?

- You-you have to believe us.

- I'll tell you what I believe.

Either you two have

some kind of fetish.

- Or you're just flat out lying.

- No, we're not lying.

Okay, so it's the fetish.

That's up to you.

Just leave me out of it.

Officer,

they were in our bedroom

swinging my bat at our heads!

All right, I'm gonna tell you

what I told her the first time

I came here, if you're worried

that someone is in your house,

get a security system

and get some cameras.

- Some additional cameras.

- Yeah.

All right.

I'm sorry I tased you.

Jason, we are going to have

to do that.

Fine! Uh, say we do borrow money

and get a security system.

It's gonna take 'em, what, days

to install it and get out here.

We can have a g*n by tomorrow.

I don't even wanna hear you

mention this g*n thing anymore.

- We're not g*n people.

- Well, maybe we should be.

Jason, promise me

we will not get a g*n.

- Promise me!

- Fine!

And we're not leaving

this house.

Babe.

F-f*ck.

Ah! Oh! Oh, my God! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ba-baby!

I think he poisoned

my contact solution!

Oh. Oh, my, God.

What?

f*ck!

- Baby, it burns! It stings!

- Oh, sh*t!

- f*cking ice! Ice!

- Ah. Okay, okay.

- You stay over here.

- Okay, okay. Okay, okay.

Oh. Oh.

- They took the ice.

- What?

There's nothing

but f*cking milk.

Milk? Wait, wait,

that actually might help.

Bring it, bring it over here.

Oh, my God. Okay.

- Here?

- It stings. Yeah, just, uh...

Here, here, okay. Oh, whoa.

- Yo, that feels good.

- Is it working?

Baby, yes.

I can already feel better.

All right. Oh, oh.

Baby, this is insane, okay?

We need to go to a hotel...

- We cannot afford a hotel.

- Okay, fine! Well...

- I'll talk to Alec's parents.

- No, we cannot leave this house!

- They might come back!

- Okay, well, you stay.

I'm gonna go.

But help me. Help me.

It's helping.

The milk is helping.

Let me just change. Go upstairs.

I don't believe this!

I do. I've seen you drive.

- I am so sorry.

- You got perfect timing, kiddo.

I whipped up a batch

of my famous dark chocolate

cherry cookies to thank you guys

for saving

Brandy Alexander's life.

Oh, Catherine, thank you.

I-I've gotta go, but...

Wait. Saved her life?

Elevated liver enzymes. Yeah.

If your jackass husband didn't

give her that rotten bone,

she never would have gone

to the vet in time.

These your grown-up clothes?

Uh, what? No, no. Uh, uh...

Catherine,

do you know Alec Todd?

Pff! Of course I know him.

Can't stand him.

He is making our lives

a living hell.

I'm gonna go

talk to his parents.

He's always been a bad apple.

His grandfather didn't wanna

see it, but I did.

I see everything.

Except on the computer

when they say,

"Do you see an elephant

or an old man?"

To me it just looks

like a mountain. Ah...

Well, when I tell his parents

what he's done this time...

- They're gonna tell him to stop.

- Don't bet on it, dear.

The dad's not right

and the mom's

a few crayons short of a box.

Let me give you

a piece of advice.

In this world,

in this life, on this block

you want something done right,

you better do it yourself.

Save some of those cookies

for the jackass.

When is this gonna stop?

I don't know.

I usually sh**t for around

a half hour, hour tops.

Cut the crap.

A little help?

Can I have my ball?

No, you can't

because playtime is over.

Those aren't the rules.

Listen to me.

You and your friends, you're

gonna find something else to do

with your time, or you're gonna

be very, very sorry.

I'm not sorry very often,

Ms. Jackie Taylor.

I don't do a heck of a lot

to be sorry for.

Listen, you little sh*t.

Playtime's over, all right?

Gramps has said

the house is ours.

And if you do anything

to us again,

i-if you even set foot

on our property,

I will f*cking k*ll you. Got it?

You do anything,

and you're dead!

Good thing

you didn't become a lawyer

because you would have

sucked at it.

Got it? You

do anything, and you're dead.

Oh.

So it went well?

He recorded me, Jason.

I turned my back for one second,

and he recorded me

threatening him.

I gotta give it

to that little sh*t. He's smart.

Yeah, if we were smart,

we'd get the hell out of here.

Yeah, don't. Jackie, come on!

Look, I'm-I'm mad as hell, too,

but there is...

there is no way

I am giving up the chance

to provide for our kids

the life we didn't have

just because some punk-a*s

white boy misses his pop-pop.

No, we stand our ground

and they'll be

off to college

soon enough anyway.

Okay, so what happens

in the meantime? More?

I mean, more breaking and

entering? More bloody mouths?

Jason, you're fighting

for this house

harder

than you're fighting for us.

No, it's the truth.

Why were you talking

to the Moss woman today?

Just being neighborly.

I told you

to leave those people alone.

Yet you chose to go back

over to that g*dd*mn house.

And now I'm gonna teach you

a lesson you won't forget.

Enough of your lessons, Denny.

You don't follow the rules.

It's time

you got a lesson of your own.

I know you're the reason

I whack my f*cking head!

And I know what else

you've done.

You can't prove anything.

Yoo-hoo! Mommy alert!

Yeah, yeah, just, uh,

helping the boy

straighten up and...

But, uh...

What is that stink?

Why is there a lock

on this door?

I didn't say you could

put a lock on that door.

Why is there a lock

on that door, Alec?

Who's in there, Alec?

Alec, get over here and

unlock that door. We'll just...

Son, I know who you are

and I know what you've done,

all right? Just get over here

and unlock the-the door.

Unlock the f*cking door, Alec.

Get over here and unlock

the f*cking door right now!

Go ahead.

Open it for yourself.

Or maybe it's better

to not know.

Oh, God! Oh, God, sweet Alec!

What did you do?

Hey, zip it!

See? I knew it.

I knew Alec wouldn't do it.

Alec!

Alec!

Oh, my God! Jason!

Pool! Now!

sh*t, sh*t!

Jason! Oh, my God!

- Stand back, stand back.

- Baby. Okay, go, go, go.

Is he, is he dead?

Well, it's probably

one of his damn pranks.

Give it to me, Jason.

- sh*t!

- Can I have a towel?

Get out of the pool, man.

Really?

Whoops.

Go on.

Ah! Oh, my God!

- You want it? You want it?

- Give...

Give it to me.

Come on.

Come on. It's okay. Oh.

Come on. Okay, okay.

Oh, my God.

Baby, are you okay?

No, I'm not okay, okay?

- We need to leave tonight!

- Yeah.

Yeah, okay, we'll get a hotel

for a couple nights

and we'll game-plan.

No, Jason,

not a couple of nights!

We need to move tonight,

forever!

We are not moving!

Babe, this is our house!

This is not the Jason Moss

that I know.

This is not the Jason Moss

that I agreed to marry.

No, no, no,

this is that Jason Moss,

and we are not leaving

this house!

as*h*le!

Look...

You hear me, Alec Todd?

You hear me?

I'm not leaving this house!

My name is Jason Moss and I

ain't never leaving this house!

I've got a good one.

No video this time.

I'll get you two later.

I'm just a little

kind of guy

I'm just

a little kind of guy

I can't explain

the way I feel

I only know my love is real

'cause I

Well, look who's up and at 'em!

You didn't wanna leave,

so now you have to stay.

You know,

I couldn't help but notice,

your bathroom toilet's clogged.

Looks like you could use

some help with your plumbing!

Why, we aren't expecting

any guest.

Uh, sorry, I can't let you in.

The place is a mess right now.

Okay, sus. We were worried.

We were calling and texting you.

Yeah, you got crappy service

in the, in the, in the bathroom

or something?

- I...

- What is that?

Bad manners on my part.

I should have let you know,

I came back last night

to hash things out

with Jason and Jackie.

Whelp, to turn a diddy

into a did,

we won't be seeing them

around here anymore.

Oh, my God, babe,

that's amazing!

They sell and we'll keep

the show going for whoever buys

the house next.

It'll be like Fargo.

No, no, no, there won't be

anymore selling

or anymore buying.

Gramps always said that one day

I'd be the man of this house.

And that starts today.

For real?

Yeah, Alec,

you know, I-I feel like

your dad might have something

to say about that.

Well, no one's listening.

Well, all right.

Suck it, Denny!

Let's go.

Uh, listen, I'd love

to invite you both in,

but I have a lot of things

to tend to.

Let's catch up later, huh?

- Okay.

- All right.

We're doing it, gramps.

You let it out, Jackie.

- No one's going to hear you.

- Please!

Gramps and I replaced

the windows two years ago.

Double pane.

How appropriate.

That sound sure is annoying.

How can you stand it?

No! No, Alec...

Oh, I understand.

Why let the little lady

get all the attention?

You want in on the action?

Alec, please, no. Please

let us go! Please let us go!

Very funny, Jackie!

I gave you so many chances,

and now you wanna go?

- Please, please.

- Now you wanna go?

Oh, please, Al...

We won't tell anybody, please.

Please, no, no, no.

You're a liar!

You're both liars!

Gramps hated liars.

And you two just can't seem

to respect his rules.

By now I thought

you'd know that.

But let's give it another go,

shall we?

Number five.

What does it say, Jason?

- A promise must never be broken.

- A little louder!

A promise must never be broken!

Oh! No!

I asked you, Jason.

The promise must...

The promise

must never be broken.

So you do understand.

And yet

you both broke your promise,

the promise you made

in your letter.

The same promise

that convinced me

to let you live in this house!

You didn't follow the rules!

We're sorry.

Please, we're sorry!

Alec, Alec,

man, we're sorry, man.

We're truly sorry, all right?

No, you're not...

but you will be.

Something is wrong over there.

Think about it.

Why was Jason's car

still in the driveway?

I don't know,

maybe he forgot it.

Oh, my God, are

we on the same timeline

or what? No, we need to go back.

We need to figure out

what's going on.

Yeah, something

is definitely wrong, I'll

admit that,

but Alec said he'd catch up

with us later,

so let's just listen to him.

Do you just listen

to everything he says?

Ray...

Alec has been my best friend

since kindergarten.

I was small, my mom was a drunk.

Everyone always made fun of me,

except for Alec.

That guy is my ride or die.

Ethan, do it for the plot.

- Let's go. Let's go.

- You better be right.

I am. I am right.

Let's go.

I'm gonna run

I'm gonna roll

I'm gonna party tonight

Like to save my dough

gonna move

You got the groove

Got the groove

Gonna say things...

if you don't know

Gonna make things right...

Do you mind?

Do you mind?

Look what I found, Jackie.

This is yours, isn't it?

Yeah. My engagement ring.

Wow, Jason. Big spender.

But it's a little loose, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Tighten it, Jason.

Tighten it!

Go, go, go, go, Jason.

Go, go, go, go.

Baby, baby, go, go, go, go.

f*cking with me?

Jason.

- No, no, no, no. No, no.

- Tighten it, Jason.

Tighten it, Jason, now.

No, no, no.

Tighten it.

Jason, just do it.

Yeah, just like that.

Look at me, Jason!

Oh, no!

No, please! No, please!

If you don't tighten it, it's

gonna get a lot worse for her.

Okay. Okay.

Jason, Jason, okay,

just-just do it.

Please, baby, just do it.

It's okay, baby. Just do it.

Please don't make me.

Fine then, Jason!

Just do it. Just do it. Just

do it. It's okay. Just do it.

Now!

Good. Yeah.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Shut up!

I'm sorry, baby.

Keep tightening it.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you.

I'm sorry I fought for this

house more than I fought for us.

I love you, baby.

Shut up and keep tightening it.

Well, please.

Just like that.

I'm sorry.

- I love you.

- Stop!

Dude, you're gonna

snap her finger off.

Alec, they're really hurt. Okay,

you-you don't wanna do this.

This is, this is too much.

This is too much.

You're not gonna get

away with this.

Come on, guys!

We're just starting to have

some real fun!

Besides,

this is all going online!

So there's no such thing

as too far. Right, babe?

Listen, I'm gonna

show you both something.

It is sure to go viral!

No, no, no, no, no.

Th-this is way wrong, man.

Hurry up and do your business,

Brandy Alexander.

Mommy's shows are almost on.

No! Alec, no!

You run on home, sweetie.

Mommy needs to make a pop-in.

Didn't I tell you to put

gramps' tools away?

- No!

- Stop, Alec!

No, Alec, stop, please!

Oh...

Ethan, you need to go

do something!

- What am I supposed to do?

- No, no!

Oh, my God...

- Oh, my God...

- Alec, this is way wrong, man.

We thought it was just

scaring them online for posts!

Yeah, not k*lling them!

Come on, get with the program,

you two!

- Alec...

- They didn't follow the rules.

Now they face the consequences!

Just give me the weed-whacker.

These two liars are gonna die,

and you're gonna get

a grand finale for the show!

- Two birds!

- Give me the weed-whacker.

- No.

- Alec...

Why are you doing this?

We've been friends

since we were five!

Yeah, but you were trying

to saw somebody in half

with a f*cking weed-whacker!

We are way past

the point of bro code!

Hell of a way to spend

a Saturday night, you two.

So what?

You're gonna stop me, huh?

Yeah! Alec, if I have to!

Alec, stop!

- Ah!

- Baby.

Shh. Save your strength,

untie your husband.

I'll deal

with the town's psychopath.

Alec Todd, you little sh*t!

I've known

you were rotten to the core

since the moment

I laid my eyes on you!

The worst thing to ever happen

to this neighborhood!

I never liked your grandfather

and I never liked you!

No.

Oh, my God, no! Ah, ah!

A good man is a good neighbor.

No!

Oh!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

No! Oh, my God, no! Oh, my God.

Oh! Oh, my God, no!

No!

- No!

- What, what did just happen?

No!

I'm gonna call the cops, okay?

You two fight, uh,

and take care of Brandy Alexa...

- No! No!

- No! Oh, my God!

Jackie! Jackie, go!

Jackie, get help! Go!

- Jackie, go!

- Jason, Jason!

Go! Ah!

f*ck!

sh*t!

Ah! Oh, my God, help me!

Somebody help me! Oh!

Ah, and now you're gonna get it.

Jackie, no!

Jackie!

Jackie! Jackie!

f*ck! Ah! f*ck!

Ah! f*ck! Ah...

I am the man of this house!

Jackie. Jackie!

Ah, Jason, I'm not okay.

- Is he dead?

- He better be.

Come on,

let's get help. Come on.

And I've, I got you. I got you.

Oh, my God!

Wait, wait, wait, we called the

police. We called the police.

- They're on the way.

- Okay, okay.

Just help me get her there.

Come on, come on, come on.

Come on, get in.

Are you okay?

- No, no, no, no.

- Sit up, sit up.

Baby, baby, look at me,

look at me. You're fine.

- You're gonna be fine.

- Am I gonna die, Jason?

No, no, you're gonna be fine.

I'm right here with you.

Okay? All right?

They're on their way.

They're on their,

they're on their way, right?

They're on their way?

Yeah. They're on their way.

No, no, baby. Look at me.

Look at me. Look, hey, hey!

Hey.

Ooh

Ooh ooh ooh

You know I love you

and I miss you

One kiss and I shall

When I met you my

Follow the rules

or face the consequences.

Hold on a little bit more, okay?

- Hold on tight for me, please.

- I can't.

- Hold on, okay? Okay?

- Jason?

- Jason.

- Hey. Yeah.

- Jason, he's coming.

- f*ck.

The rules.

Alec...

- Face the consequences.

- Coming...

- Get off my lawn!

- Ah!

Get off!

Get off!

- Oh, Jason.

- Oh, they're here.

Look, I got it all on camera.

I got it all on camera.

Oh, gross!

You know what? I bet he k*lled

that real-estate woman, too.

All right. Alec Todd,

you're under arrest.

You have the right to remain...

Well...

Hang in there, folks.

Help is on the way.

Lovers underneath

the blue night

Shoo shoo shoooo

This is Officer Tom,

I got a code three

at gramps' old place.

Requesting additional units.

Honey,

is this kid gonna be a jerk?

They're our kid.

It'll be great.

No, how would we know if he

behaves, uh, if he's polite,

if he knows right from wrong?

It's just so much pressure.

Baby, relax.

All we gotta do

is lay down some rules.

Yeah the pressure's on

Doing anything to win it

Anything to change how we

living focus on the mission

'Cause it's already

written going down the road

Eyes closed mind open

no faith no hope

Doing anything to win it

Anything to change

how we live it

Focus on the mission

'cause it's already written

Going down the road

eyes closed mind open

No faith no hope

Gramps' house rules.

Number one,

never show up empty-handed.

Number two,

never turn your back on family.

Number three, a good man

is a good neighbor.

Number four,

don't give in to temptation.

Number five,

a promise must never be broken.

Follow the rules

or face the consequences.

Cold dark road

behind the picket fence

Things really change

but some of it makes sense

Living in the past

we feel in the present tense

The bed messed up

don't even know where I went

Inside the house

before the street lights on

Get the noise down

my favorite show is on

Cleaning up the mess

I do it before I'm gone

Get ready for tomorrow

before the break of dawn

Out with the old

and in with the new

Cloudy weather outside

the sky is blue

Get a newspaper

or turn on the news

Winds a lesson

still putting on my shoes

Glass broken mirror

ba-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same cars

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign's in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's in charge

G-g-glass broken mirror

b-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same car

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign's in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's in charge

Get off my get off my lawn

It's my house it's my rule

so stay on this route

Be respectful

or just get out

Keep it low

don't come with a big mouth

Seeing different views

while turning it to a home

B-bad air vents

this fan I let it roll

Big TVs

it turn right to a phone

This is my picture

no one's getting blown

Out with the old

and in with the new

Cloudy weather outside

the sky's blue

Get a newspaper

or turn on the news

Winds a lesson

still putting on my shoes

Glass broken mirror

b-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same cars

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign's in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's in charge

G-g-glass broken mirror

b-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same car

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign is in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's is charge

G-g-glass broken mirror

b-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same car

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign is in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's in charge

G-g-glass broken mirror

b-banging behind the wall

Different lifestyle

we driving the same car

Stay on the sidewalk

the sign's in the yard

I'mma show you

who the main one's in charge

Get off my lawn

Ooh hoo-hoo

Ah ah

Get off my lawn