Welcome to our World! Where we serve you cookies to ensure you get the best viewing experience on our site.

Did you know that you can remove censorship board-wide, use our advanced search functions, be notified when new content is posted, join our memberships, set episodes to show in any order you want & more if you are logged into your account?

Register or sign in here: ucp.php?mode=register

01x10 - peace

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Flatbush Misdemeanors". Aired: May 23, 2021 – August 21, 2022.*
Watch/Buy Amazon



A raw and grounded comedy about city life, the show follows Dan and Kevin, who play characters struggling to thrive in their new surroundings in the brash environment of Flatbush, Brooklyn.

01x10 - peace

Post by bunniefuu »

- What about Zayna?

- ACS will be by after school.

And they'll do an investigation

into her living arrangement.

Then you just, like, go in the system

till they figure out

what to do with you.

I ain't letting them

put me in no system.

Then what you gonna do, Zay?

Oh, sh*t. You're a legend. Thank you.

Oh, this is Oxy. That's okay.

Bro, you got a problem.

You pop a Xanny to wake up

in the morning.

That's a lot of pills.

Oh, yeah, it's, like,

allergies and stuff.

I don't want to live with you!

ACS.

What?

Excuse me.

What the f*ck?

What the f*ck are you doing in my crib?

Yo, who the f*ck is this?

- I'm with ACS, man!

- Oh, man.

Why you f*cking sh**t me?

- Oh, my God, man.

- What the f*ck?

You f*cking shot me.

Bro, what the f*ck?

Oh, f*ck!

Oh, f*ck.

I'm really bleeding.

- sh*t.

- Oh, damn.

Bro, what the f*ck did you just do?

Damn, damn, damn.

- Bro.

- Nah, bro.

- Yo.

- Nah.

You fled a crime scene.

Bro, I fled when it became

a crime scene.

I didn't commit a crime.

Fleeing a crime scene is a crime.

So what, I'm supposed to just

sit in a crime when a crime

happen? That don't even make sense.

You led them on a trail

directly back to this apartment.

Nobody's coming here, all right?

- He on the run.

- On the run?

What the f*ck are you talking about?

What the f*ck were you

even doing over there?

If you hadn't tried to hide Zayna,

we wouldn't even be in this mess.

I told you hanging with Drew would lead

to some f*cking thing, didn't I?

Did you think I was being paranoid?

You met, and he tried to k*ll you.

That was his hello.

Do you get how serious this is?

Of course I get it!

You think I'm f*cking stupid?

- I don't know, because

- A n*gga could be dead.

I looked down at a man

who could be dead.

I understand exactly what's going on.

Dude, I'm already linked to Zayna

from that child services case, okay?

I'm facing trouble at school.

Kev, the day the f*cking day

after an ACS case opens,

an agent gets shot.

What the f*ck did you think

was going to happen?

I don't know. I don't know.

I'm f*cked, too. Damn, it happened.

sh*t, what you want me to do about it?

Do nothing! I'm just saying,

look where we are.

That's all. I'm just saying,

look where we are.

Bro, I got bigger problems than

hearing your sh*t right now.

- Hearing my sh*t?

- Yes, hearing your sh*t.

I don't need your complaining.

I don't need your help.

I don't need your "I told you so."

Shut the f*ck up.

This isn't sustainable.

This sh*t isn't it's not good,

you being here.

You should

You should start looking for a place.

I'm not saying leave right now.

Nah, bro, you got it.

You said that I'm gone,

I'm gone. f*ck it.

You can't help me no way.

What the f*ck am I gonna do?

Zay, come on, bro, you good.

My parents gone.

You good, my n*gga. Come on.

I got you some food.

This all we got. Don't make that face.

You can't get me

no sandwich and nothing?

Girl, I'm tired of eating

all this African food.

How you hiding at my crib

and you demanding sh*t?

It's not working like that.

You don't need a spoon or nothing?

No, you just dip it

in the soup, and you eat it.

You sure it's cool I'm here?

Um, for now, yeah.

I mean, like, we still got a few hours

before my parents get home.

Yo, bro.

How you have a whole

free crib every day

- I know.

- for 12 hours,

and we ain't

never take advantage of it?

Bro, if they found out you was

here, they'd beat my a*s.

Like

You should be used to that by now.

Don't come for me.

You ain't sh*t.

That's not funny.

n*gga think he slick

calling me from his burner,

- like I ain't save that sh*t.

- Adults be so f*cking stupid.

- Answer.

- God.

Yo, bro, you can stop calling me.

Why the f*ck you not

answering your phone?

What the f*ck is wrong with you?

I'm not coming home.

That's why I been calling you.

Whatever you do, don't go home.

- The crib is hot.

- Wait.

What what are you What happened?

What are you talking about?

Cash out on Forex and

meet me at Hudson Yards,

7 p.m. bus to Philly.

Bring all the sh*t you got with you

'cause we not coming back for a minute.

Wait, what's happening?

I can't say this sh*t on the phone.

Just meet me there, Zay.

Zayna, you got it?

I-I heard you.

Zay, everything's

gonna be good, all right?

You just got to trust me.

You trust me?

Y-yeah.

You good, bro?

I don't know.

Are you actually gonna

You're not really gonna go.

- Where are you gonna go?

- Home.

What about Georgia's?

Bro, let it go. You don't

want me here, I'm gone.

Stop being so f*cking dramatic.

Stop switching up.

I know what you're doing.

You're trying to avoid feeling guilty.

You said what you said.

Now stand on it.

- Stand on it shut the f*ck up.

- All right.

Yeah, you got it. I'm already gone.

Yeah, fine.

You can take the Street Fighter

blanket if you want.

I just need my sh*t.

Who cup is that?

It's mine.

I don't think you own any cups.

Hey.

What's good, gentlemen?

- What the f*ck is that?

- It's yours.

You said you broke your bike, right?

Yeah, like, a couple months ago.

Well, I was waiting for you to come by

and pick it up from the shop.

But, uh, as I was cleaning out

for my grand reopening,

I figured

- What's going on?

- I'm moving out.

Oh, God damn.

Actually, this is the perfect time.

Your cousin Tremaine from Macon

is moving up here,

and he needs a couch to stay on.

I'll tell him yours is now available.

I don't have a cousin Tremaine.

He's my cousin.

So he's your cousin or second cousin.

I'm not taking in some guy

I don't know, Kareem.

I just told you who he was.

He's family.

Man!

Kev

Now you can ride off into the sunset

and think about all of them

couches you gonna sleep on.

Come on, let me show you the features.

Look, got a little bell.

You can ring that

as many times as you want

Once, twice.

Now, it also has a basket.

I could have swore there was a basket.

Bro, I don't I don't need it, man.

No, we gonna get you your basket.

Look, y'all come down to the shop now.

And, also, I can show y'all

my awning with the new name

Kareem's Larry's Bike Shop.

Keeping community while putting

myself front and center.

It's been real, bro, but I'm out, man.

Fine. Skip my reopening.

Dan, you coming by, right?

'Cause I need you to help me

unscrew the training wheels

off the child's bikes

so I could sell them for adult prices.

Son.

Son?

Yo, Dan.

Yo, Dan! Dan!

Oh, no!

I had a nightmare about this, man.

Hang in there, my dope-fiend son.

You hang in there!

We got to get him to a hospital, man.

Oh, no, no, no.

You can't trust them doctors.

They just want a paycheck.

Look, don't worry.

I know exactly what to do.

Boom, shaka-laka.

Boom, shaka. Boom, shaka.

Yo, this sh*t isn't working, man.

You tried, like, five things.

Got any bark?

No, bro, enough with alternative sh*t.

The bowl is empty, man.

What are you doing?

We got to get him to a hospital.

Fine, but call a car, though,

'cause them ambulances is a scam.

Uh, can you do it?

I got banned from Uber.

Man.

You bring nothing to this emergency!

Damn, man. You on dope, too?

God damn.

You think I should link with Drew?

What? No. Why?

Bro, if you mad at that n*gga,

why would you go back and see him?

'Cause he the only family I have.

If I stay here, where I'ma live?

I can't hide in your crib forever.

I mean, you're right.

But say I do go with him.

Then what my life gonna be like?

This n*gga don't even know

where we're gonna be living at.

He just told me what to do like

I'm a f*cking child.

You're right about that, too.

Yo, D, you know how much I love Drew?

But I knew I was gonna get

this call like this one day.

"Yo, pack your sh*t. We running."

And that's

that's actually the good version.

You know how your mom say

she can't sleep

until she know that you home at night?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'm like that with Drew.

How I'm ever supposed

to have a normal life

if I'm always worried about

this n*gga getting knocked?

Normal? Bro, your uncle

been selling lean,

like, basically your whole life.

That n*gga is always

about to get knocked.

It's nothing normal

about your life, bro.

Wow.

Okay, I'm wrong for that, yeah,

but I'm right about that, bro.

You know that sh*t.

f*ck it.

I'ma just stay.

I can take care of myself.

Is that my Mom?

Oh, f*ck. Come here, Zay.

No, no, no, come.

sh*t's f*cked up.

Hey, Mommy.

- Where is the boy?

- What?

Dami, I heard somebody talking

from the hallway, my friend.

Where's the boy?

No boy, Mommy.

Oh, and you're feeding him.

I was hungry.

Oh, so only you ate

two plates of food, shebi?

Hmm? Make I find someone

for this house

Oh, Ma

We She's not a boy.

I feel like sh*t, man. I knew

he was taking too many pills.

I sh I should've tried to stop him.

You didn't make him take that sh*t.

Ah, but I've gotten him pills before.

Like, he'd ask

and I'd get them from Drew,

but even Drew said he's a fiend.

My boy been more stressed lately?

He always stressed.

He can barely hold it together

when nothing going on.

I think I just pushed him

too hard this time.

Well, God damn.

Then you are responsible.

I'm seeing this now.

Maria said when you two were kids,

you was a good influence on Dan.

But now look at him

damn dope fiend.

Now that I think of it,

ever since you came around,

his life's been a mess.

It's a damn shame.

Listen, while I got you here,

you work at that roti shop.

Yeah, I got fired, though.

Well, you still know people.

I got to run an idea by you.

What two things

do people in Brooklyn love?

Caribbean food, bikes.

Put them together fusion shop.

Let me show you how we do it.

We get the bikes,

and you get some beef patties,

and then you ride through

the hood with the beef patties,

and you throw it

through people's windows.

That's how you promote, but

Look

You even listening?

What? I'm sorry.

What were you talking about?

I'm saying you take my small business,

plus your small business,

put them together, boom,

that's big business.

Kareem, your son is unconscious, man.

Can we talk about this later?

Yeah, Tremaine.

Fifty percent chance

you get the bedroom.

Ijeoma, we cannot just

throw her into the street.

- What about her uncle?

- It's not safe for her.

I promised her mother

we would be looking after her.

Is it me or her mother

that you married?

There's no room for her, Wilner.

What little money we have,

you want to invite

another mouth to feed, eh?

And the girl can eat.

She really gonna say

that like I'm not right here?

Bro, pretty much.

That's what she do, bro.

Yo, that's so disrespectful.

I'm tired of everybody

telling me what to do.

If you gonna stay here,

you gonna have to get used to that.

Hi, ma'am. I'm Sylvia Bates

with Child Services.

Can I come in?

For what?

Uh, well, have you or

your daughter been in contact

with a Zayna Bien-Aime

in the last few days?

Maybe your daughter, uh, Dam-ee

can help.

- Can I speak with her?

- Her name is Dami.

Ma'am, I just need to ask you

What is your job, hmm?

To separate small children

from their families?

You people came to take my own pekin.

Now you are coming for another one.

Are you okay?

Or you're just working your way

through the whole school?

No, ma'am, Zayna has an open case

that has recently escalated.

So, if you have any information

about her whereabouts,

please give me a call.

Okay.

You too. If you find her, eh, call me.

Eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh,

shut your teeth there.

Okay.

Hey there, Dopey.

You alive?

Yeah, I'm okay, man.

Yeah, man, I was, uh I was

worried there for a minute.

Dan, you got to stop

with the pills, man.

- It's it's a lot.

- Oh, good.

- You alive, son.

- Yeah, I'll cut down for sure.

No, not down.

You need professional help, son.

You need to go to drug rehab

or a general rehab

with a drug sub-focus.

I-I don't need rehab, Kareem.

Look, I made a mistake, but

I'm not at, like, rock bottom.

This sure ain't rock top.

That's a fact.

Look, I-I was lucky

that you guys were there,

so, um

thank you both.

You make sure he get home, all right?

And, you, I'll see you soon.

Professional help.

I'm not sorry for what I said,

but I wouldn't have said it

if I knew you was gonna O.D.

Like, I just saw a guy get shot, man.

Maybe I shouldn't have yelled

at you, but I don't know, bro.

- It's been a long day, man.

- Yeah, I'm really sorry, too.

I can't go through

what I'm going through.

Yeah, man, 'cause it's, like,

we can't keep doing

Oh

Hey, there. How you feeling?

Um

eh, same as usual.

Thank you.

You overdosed, so we're gonna

need to keep you here

a few more hours for observation.

Make sure he doesn't get up.

Uh-huh. All right.

We're we're okay, ma'am.

Thank you. It's just been a long day.

Okay, Mr. Koularmanis,

there's a police officer here

to get a statement from you.

I want to go home.

I want to see my family.

I know. It'll be quick.

Sit tight. I'm gonna get the officer.

What's going what's going on?

Psst. Here.

That's the dude that Drew shot.

What if he recognizes me?

- Just get out of here.

- He might remember me.

What the f*ck are you doing? Sit down.

f*ck.

Jesus.

I'll stop jacking off

if you get me out of here, bro.

Hey, um, I overheard you were shot.

- I'm sorry about that.

- Oh, thanks.

You know, I don't get it.

I just work for the city and, uh

What department do you work for?

- Child Services.

- Right, okay.

Yeah, continue.

I didn't think I would be

entering anything dangerous.

It was supposed to be routine.

And then it just got crazy.

You okay?

Hmm?

Oh, yeah, I, uh I-I overdosed.

Um, it it felt like the right dose,

but I guess I went over.

Oh, sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

Where do you work?

I teach at a public school

or I used to.

I'm on suspension now

for a for rule violations.

Yeah, terrible.

City workers, man

You go into it

because you want to help,

but then it grinds you down

until you don't realize

why you went into it

in the first place.

People telling you do this, do that,

but they're not seeing

the stuff that you deal with every day.

It's not one size fits all.

sh*t.

Yeah, that's that's how I feel.

And that's why we have

to bust the unions.

Well, I wouldn't go that far,

but, yeah, it's something to debate.

Anyway, sorry this happened, and, uh

thanks for asking if I'm okay.

- Thanks.

- It's from Kareem.

I'll see you around.

- Yo, your mom is a f*cking G.

- Nah.

Nah, she just don't like people

telling her

what to do in her crib,

'cause that sh*t was crazy.

- Like

- Crazy.

Not taking that sh*t, bro.

Okay, Zayna.

Move your feet.

Okay, Zayna, you may stay with us.

But if you are going to be

living in my house,

you have to follow my rules.

Answer me.

Yes.

What is it?

Oh, sir. Sorry, sir.

Yes, this is Felicia. How are you?

Felicia?

Shh!

Mrs. Johnson?

Yes, I gave her 815 milligrams

of Glucophage

this morning with breakfast.

Drew blowing you up?

Nah, I'm gonna just stay here.

I just don't want to, you know

What don't you want?

I don't want to be homeless.

Bro, no.

I'm for real.

Well, you got a crib here.

Dami!

- I'll be right back.

- Dami, lola

Coming, Mommy. Coming.

We're sorry.

The number you have dialed

is not in service.

Please check the number

and try and call again.

What are you doing here?

Well, I told your mother

we got 30 days.

Welcome to rehab.

This guy's funny, man.

Sorry, what are the words

you're saying here?

I said, you need

professional help, right?

Now I'm that professional.

I've helped many people out of ditches.

Your mom was first,

and now you'll be the second.

Look, you got the same genes.

It can't be too different.

Kareem, I-I don't need you

to help me get clean.

Where did you buy all this stuff?

All this sh*t is recommended.

Home-based drug treatment

is cheaper and more effective,

according to NPR.

Okay, you've never cited a fact before,

so I'll I'll buy that one.

Listen, I want to help you, son.

I love you.

And I'm gonna get you clean.

- Some urine screenings.

- No, no, no, no, no.

And some GPS tracking maybe.

Oh, we'll have you done

with this sh*t in a second.

Kareem, you're not tracking me.

Or you can have your mama

come down here and cry

until you go to real rehab.

- You want that?

- No, of course not.

Mom shouldn't worry.

Okay, then let me come

over every day for 30 days

and get you clean.

sh*t, you're already dressed for it.

Kareem, t-this is nice of you

sincerely, but I'm an adult.

I can handle myself.

What the f*ck you think you can handle?

You always trying to fix

every g*dd*mn thing,

from the school to the basketball team.

And you ain't fixed sh*t!

Give it up, man.

Let somebody help you.

Let me help you.

Fine. Okay. All right, fine.

All right.

First treatment Epsom salt bath.

No, you're not gonna give me a bath.

No, I'm not gonna give you a bath.

You gonna give you a bath.

Kev gonna give you a bath.

No, I'm not.

Wait, where are you going?

Uh, I'm going home.

Wait, Kareem's not staying

for good, dude.

I think he'll just make

brief house calls.

I don't care about Kareem. I just

I can't stay here anymore.

But we talked it out, like

Well, I want you to stay.

Like, we'll be better.

Look, bro, if I stay here,

we won't be cool.

It's just gonna be more of the same.

Trust me, man. It's better if I leave.

That's what you want,

right, though, to be friends?

Yeah, of course.

All right, cool.

Then I got to go. Like

You good, man.

You got your family here.

We got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.

Mm.

They cancel each other.

I think I'm gonna return both

of these m*therf*ckers, yeah.

Do you need an Uber or something?

Nah, I'll be fine. I'll figure it out.

But you're barely taking anything

Your your paintings.

I guess that's all you have,

but your paintings

Throw them away.

I don't need them.

No, I'll keep them.

They'll they'll be worth

something someday.

All right, I'll see you, man.

Kareem.

Later, man.

All righty, I'm gonna see y'all.

See you on the next couch.

Don't worry, son.

You gonna have a lot more fun

when your cousin Tremaine gets here.

I ain't gonna lie to you, though.

He is kind of weird.

About to about to

You're always about

to be doing something.

I'm going to wash them.

Okay, please, because

I'm not anybody's maid.

If your friend's going to stay,

they have to also chip in.

She will.

I can't be working 12 hours

and come back and stand in the kitchen.

It's bad enough

you're not cooking anything.

I cook, you wash plates

that's the deal.

Yes, Mommy, I know.

Okay. Listen, don't start with me.

I'm talking, you're talking.

I get final word.

I said when you finish,

clean the kitchen.

You and your friend think

I'm your maid, shebi?

If she's going to be living here,

she better be helping you.

Hello.

Officer Rhonda McHassen, NYPD.

Officer, I am

a licensed rehab professional.

I assure you all this is legal.

I even got paperwork I can print.

I just need a printer.

No, we're looking for Kevin Biobaku

in conjunction

with a sh**ting this morning.

You're Daniel Joseph, yes?

- Yes.

- Do you mind

if I come in

and ask you some questions?

We can go downtown, too.

Mr. Joseph, are you all right?