02x05 - The Wrangler

[bunniefuu]

A nuclear event would be a tragedy.

- But also an opportunity.
- [Henry MacLean] Mr. Howard?

Huge fan.
I'm Henry, but everyone calls me Hank.

If the American government
needs a hand

in settling our more
international disputes,

well, they know who to call.

Are you familiar with Robert House?

Are you asking me to spy
on the wealthiest man in America?

Not spy on him.

Your wife is going to Vegas next week

to sell Cold Fusion
to Robert House.

When the bombs drop,
it'll be Robert House

that presses the button.

I'm in Vegas these days,
back in your old stomping grounds.

Trying to pick up
where you all left off.

[flesh splattering]

When this is all over,
you will be begging me to help you.

- I was Bud's personal assistant.
- Hm.

"Future Enterprise Ventures"?

The whole plan for Vaults 32 and 33?

Phase 2 was very important
to the experiment.

[Ghoul] I know you think
you being helpful

shootin' folks in the kneecaps
and the a*s.

- [g*nsh*t]
- Ah, f*ck!

I'm not gonna apologize
for not murdering people.

My name is Diane Welch,

congresswoman
for the District of Glendale.

I don't think America can afford

any more corporate influence
in Washington.

I take it you're not a vet.

'Til next time, Mr. Howard.

[Lucy Maclean] Got any cigarettes?
I'd like to try one.

One addiction at a time.

Before we start,
there's the small matter of my fee.

Fusion Core?

You don't see those
around much anymore, do you?

[ominous music playing]

[roaring]

Okey-dokey.

[tense music playing]

[Deathclaw roaring]

[Deathclaw growling]

[Deathclaw roaring]

[Deathclaws continue roaring]

[snarling]

I defer to you
about what to do in this situation.

Run.

- [tense music continues]
- [Deathclaw roaring]

Do you have any more drugs?
I really think I need some more drugs.

- You have any more?
- Drugs?

No, I ain't got any more drugs!

Okay, then which weapon
would you recommend for this?

- You got a rocket launcher in that bag?
- Nope.

[metal creaking]

[huffing]

[Dogmeat whimpering]

- [expl*si*n booming]
- [Deathclaw roaring]

[roaring continues]

[Lucy grunting]

- [Deathclaw roaring]
- [loud banging]

[slot machine ringing]

[dramatic music playing]

[Lucy MacLean] So, this is Vegas, huh?

- Yep.
[Dogmeat whimpers]

And those surprisingly smelly
lizard monster bull things?

[Deathclaw chittering]

Have they always been here?

Nope.

Okay.

I'd ask why my dad
ran into a den of giant monsters,

but you'd probably just tell me
to shut the fudge up.

[sighs]

Before the w*r, there was a plan...

for a special Vault.

A Vault for management.

That's where my wife is.

Where my daughter is, too.

You never found it?

Oh no, I found one, in California.

It was empty.

Found another one in Oregon.

It was empty, too.

Turns out, there's more than a few
special Vaults for management

sprinkled across the Wasteland.

All of 'em empty.

But I've never found one in Vegas.

So, you think if my dad's in there,

maybe your wife and daughter are, too?

Uh-huh.

And now, they're surrounded
by these f*ck' things.

[Deathclaw chittering]

I think we should just
go in there and get them.

You can't just waltz
past a pack of Deathclaws.

They're called Deathclaws?

[townspeople chattering]

Look, I know it's not
an ideal situation, but we--

Oh, uh, I'm okay. Thank you so much.

But nothing is, up here, right?

Now, I'll admit,
I am in an altered mental state

but I think we should just
sh**t these monsters in the face.

And frankly, whatever we do,
we need to do it quickly,

'cause I am very much out of drugs.

[Ghoul sighs]

- [coins jingling]
- Take this.

There's a general store
over there called Sonny's.

Ask for somethin' called Addictol.

It'll clean out all that sh*t
you got runnin' through your veins.

Hey, maybe they'll have something
to take down one of those lizards.

I wouldn't bet on it.

Where are you going?

To get f*cked up.

[spurs jingling]

[Ghoul sighing]

[door closing]

[bag thuds]

Whiskey.

[discordant music playing]

[Ghoul sighing]

The bottle.

Guess you saw them Deathclaw things

come up from Quarry Junction.

They fightin' around the Strip.

[chuckles] Big whup.

Just another f*ck' round
o' change in management's all it is.

[cork popping]

Like one of 'em merry-go-rounds.

NCR. Legion. NCR. Legion.

f*ck' robots.

No matter to me.

Always somebody
tryna tell us what to do.

Long as they don't come 'round
and charge me taxes,

I don't give a f*ck.

[chuckles]
Don't try to charge me taxes, lizard.

- I'll sh**t your g*dd*mn head off.
- Stop...

talkin'.

[dramatic music playing]

[fanfare playing]

[broadcaster]
While the government twiddles thumbs

at the negotiating table
with our communist adversaries

from across the Pacific,

Captains of Industry
gather in Las Vegas, Nevada,

to decide the fate of the free world.

And the leader of this historic summit?

Robert Edwin House, founder of RobCo,

the nation's leading
robotics manufacturer.

So, what does this titan
of the private sector

think about his odds at succeeding
where the government has failed?

Where I come from, which is America,

the House always wins.

[young Hank]
Mrs. Howard! Mrs. Howard! Coop! Hey.

I'm sorry I'm late.
Uh, let me take your bags to the gate.

It looks like you already
got your hands full.

Oh! I'm suddenly a very important person

and a possible assassination target.

- We'll meet you at the gate, Hank.
- Okay!

Uh, you go ahead.

I gotta call my agent.

Alright.

[phone booth door closes]

[sighs]

[coin rattling]

[line ringing]

Glad you chose to do the right thing.

Is that what you call k*lling a man?

Check the coin return.

If Robert House gets Cold Fusion,
Vault-Tec gets the bombs.

This is the only way to stop it.

- Is this what I think it is?
- You're a soldier.

You've k*lled before.

In uniform.

[Kate Williams] Wearing a costume
doesn't make it any better.

I am giving you the opportunity
to save countless lives

in exchange for one.

I think in this case,
the ends justify the means.

You know, people've been
saying sh*t like that for years.

[inaudible]

I tell you what.

I'll stop the exchange.
I'll get your Cold Fusion back.

But I'm not gonna k*ll a man to do it.

[phone handset thuds]

[♪ Tony Bennett: "Rags to Riches"]

♪ I know I'd go from rags to riches ♪

♪ if you would only say you care ♪

[protester] Corporate greed
has no place in government!

Please, remain calm.

[protesters shouting]

[protester]
Hey, you sold us out!

♪ My clothes may still be torn
and tattered ♪

♪ but in my heart, I'd be a king ♪

[Cooper] There's a Vault-Tec hotel?

Your ad campaign has been
an enormous success.

- Yeah. Ah.
- [camera clicking]

♪ It's everything ♪

What a crazy world.

- Hello. I'm a big fan.
- Oh yeah, okay. Sure.

[Representative Welch]
Private companies shouldn't be allowed

to unilaterally dictate American policy.

I deserve to be part of this conversation.

I'm a United States congresswoman!

- [thud]
- [camera clicking]

[person] [whispering]
Oh! That's Congresswoman Welch...

[indistinct whispering]

- Hey, here.
- [groaning]

- I'm really sorry about that.
- No, it's fine.

Fighting the good fight
is mostly a series of humiliations.

[Barbara Howard] Coop?

Keep at it.

[big band music playing]

[slot machine sounds in background]

[cameras clicking]

Oh, I, uh, I need to talk
to those reps from RobCo.

- Care to join?
- What do you think?

I'm gonna get a couple of drinks.
Nukatini?

[guests chattering]

[partygoer] These government
knuckleheads can't solve anything.

It's up to us.

Government should be run like a business.

[dramatic music playing]

Thank you.

♪

- [elevator pings]
- [people cheering]

- [partygoer 1] It's Robert House!
- [partygoer 2] There he is!

[chattering continues]

[dramatic music continues playing]

Mr. House would like to see you.

Well, howdy, pardner.

Howdy.

Right this way!

[stranger] Hello!

I'm Robert House.

From the f*ck' toilet?

[laughing]

I apologize, I was just
very eager to meet you.

Now...

I know that you came to Vegas to k*ll me.

Did you not?

[wind whistling]

[♪ Robert Alda: "Luck Be a Lady"]

♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck, if you've ever been
a lady to begin with ♪

♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck, let a gentleman see ♪

♪ how nice a dame you can be ♪

♪ I know the way you've treated
other guys you've been with ♪

♪ Luck, be a lady with me ♪

♪ A lady doesn't leave her escort ♪

♪ It isn't fair, it isn't nice ♪

- [music stops abruptly]
- [screaming]

- Die! Die! Die!
- [Radroach screeching]

♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪

♪ Luck, if you've ever been
a lady to begin with ♪

♪ Luck, be a lady tonight ♪

- ♪ So, let's keep the party polite ♪
- ♪ So, let's keep the party polite ♪

Let's get lucky, shall we?

♪ Never get out of my sight ♪

♪ Stick with me, baby,
I'm the fella you came in with ♪

- ♪ Luck, be a lady ♪
- ♪ Luck, be a lady ♪

- ♪ Luck, be a lady ♪
- ♪ What's the matter, roll the dice ♪

- ♪ Tonight ♪
- ♪ Comin' out right! ♪

Hello, gorgeous.

How I've missed you.

I'll admit you'd be disappointed
in how I've behaved

since we've been apart, but...

you can't begrudge a man
for filling the void, can you?

Fully Integrated Security
Technotronic Officer

active and reporting for duty.

That makes two of us.

[dramatic music sting]

Oh, a looky-loo, eh?

Go watch from behind a shrub or something,
like a civilized pervert.

Now, where were we?

[cart whirring]

[hisses, groans]

[sighs deeply]

How would you like to forget
everything you've ever known?

Everyone you've ever known?

Your language and motor skills
will remain intact.

But every choice you've made,
every moment you've cherished,

will be completely and utterly removed
from your memory.

Please. Yes.

[device clicking]

[tone pulsing]

[dial clicking]

[clicking]

Oh. Oh.

[tone continues pulsing]

Ooh.

- [clicking]
- Ooh, good gracious!

[laughing]

- [clicking continues]
- Ooh! [gasps]

[grunting]

[laughing] Oh, no, no, no, no. Oh, no, no!

No, no, no, no, no!

Nooo!

[tone continues pulsing]

- [tone stops]
- [sighs]

[gasps]

[chuckles softly]

Let's begin.

[clicking]

[wind whistling]

[dramatic music playing]

[Clark] Ew, it's so dirty in here.

[Pete] It's like walking on garbage.

[Clark] One of these guys
must be the janitor.

- Guys? We really need--
- Hey, look.

- It's Janice.
- [laughter]

[Clark] Ugh, still at her desk. Yeesh.

- She always was a kiss-a*s.
- Yeah.

[loud banging and chittering]

- [chittering continues]
- I need to craft a weapon.

[loud banging continues]

- We should get outta here.
- [chittering continues]

- [g*n c*ck]
- This is my squat.

- It's our squat.
- They know what I mean.

Well, I'll be.

More Vault Dwellers.

What do you mean, "more Vault Dwellers"?

[rustling and chittering]

[Claudia] Can I ask you a question?

[Barv] Mm-hmm.

[rustling and chittering continue]

What is making that noise in the elevator?

Roach farm.

[loud banging]

How big are they?

Not big enough for market yet,
but they'll get there.

[chittering and banging continue]

So, you met my sister?

[Ma June] Yeah, back in Filly.

Before the Brotherhood of Steel
burnt it down.

Had her help a fella from the Enclave

get through the sh*thole
to some folks from the NCR

who weren't in town
when Shady Sands blew up.

[clicking tongue] Pretty slim odds.

What with it being Khan country.

- What?
- Hmm?

I don't understand what any of that means.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forget you Vaulties

don't much care for current events.

[sighs] Your sister is dead, honey.

You don't know that.

You don't know my sister.

I know the Wasteland better than you do.

And I know plenty well what it does

to folks as soft as you all are.

[sniffling]

Now, I wanna tell you what I told her.

And for y'all's sake, I hope you listen.

Go home, Vaultie.

Let's go, Barv.

If you idiots need supplies
for the trip home, help yourselves.

But don't you touch my roach farm.

Good luck, dipshits.

Suddenly, you're a big Samaritan, huh?

Baby, shut the f*ck up.
I'm trying to be a better person.

[indistinct chatter]

[caps rattling]

[jingling]

- [player 1] Come on.
- [player 2] Yeah!

[players chattering indistinctly]

[suspenseful music playing]

[caps rattling]

♪

[gasps]

[floor creaking]

- [shopkeep] What are you doing?
- [gasps]

Uh, n...

I-- I just, um...
I came in the wrong door, so...

Are you... Sonny?

He left town.

Okay.

So...

he's not in that trash can behind me?

No.

That's the guy who tried to rob the place.

And he's naked.

So...

did he come in here naked?

Yeah.

I mean, it's not weird for someone
to rob a store naked.

Lots of people do it, okay?

[soft gasp]

Anyway, I'm just gonna be leaving now,

and you're not gonna sh**t me as I go.

Sir, don't touch that g*n.
If you touch that g*n,

I'm gonna have to maim you.

- [g*n clicking]
- [g*nsh*t]

[body thuds]

[sighs]

[sighs] Sir, I'm sorry, I...

Oh, gosh.

[door bell jingling]

Oh.

Who are you?

I don't know.

[indistinct chatter]

[dramatic music playing]

[Robert House] Mr. Howard.

I've been following you for some time.

- Have you?
- Oh, don't worry.

I'm not a crazed fan of one of your films.

Unlike Edison and some of the rest,
I don't care for fiction.

It's not real. Doesn't matter.

My interest in you, though,
on the other hand...

well, that does matter.

- How you figure that?
- Our destinies are, um...

mathematically intertwined.

How long have you been
pretending to be this guy?

About ten years.

- Ten years.
- [chuckles]

It's a living.

[Robert] Mr. Howard.

- [elevator dings]
- Come down here.

Let's you and I talk.

I'm not gonna come down there.

- Come down here.
- I don't want to come down there.

Mr. Howard, I was there
with you in Alaska.

I doubt that very much.

Not physically, of course.

I'm not insane.

But I did license
a piece of software to West Tek,

which gave me access
to the T-45 Armor you wore.

So, I saw what you saw.

I saw it all.

I saw the demon in the snow.

And I believe that it's connected
to the future of this great nation.

And to your wife.

[dramatic music playing]

Like yourself, Mr. Howard,

I am an apex competitor.

We are the very best at what we do.

And what I do, is I know everything.

I know who is making what technology,

and I acquire that technology
at the most lucrative moment

in its span of functionality.

This week, I'm acquiring
Cold Fusion from Vault-Tec.

From my wife.

Correct.

It will allow me
to stay alive indefinitely

in roboticized, non-biological form
and protect Las Vegas

from the coming nuclear w*r.

Initiated by my wife.

Hmm.

Unclear.

By Vault-Tec, then?

No, I doubt that, despite what
we've both heard in that meeting.

Vault-Tec is a collision of bureaucrats.

Your wife, though...

I don't know.

You said you knew everything.

I routinely design and run
mathematical paradigms

based on global, political,
and socioeconomic conditions

in an effort to... predict future events.

And one spring morning,
the data coalesced,

and it told me, in no uncertain terms,

that the world would...

well, end.

Calculator told you that?

The date of the end of the world

may not interest you, Mr. Howard.

But the date the data coalesced might.

April 14th, 2065, at 5:17 a.m.

Is that date of any interest to you?

That's my daughter's birthday.

Oh, that is vexingly curious, isn't it?

[clicking]

More curious is that you were not meant
to come to Vegas this weekend.

Your wife Barbara was meant to come alone.

The moment that you bought
your ticket to Las Vegas,

the date the world was going to end...

jumped forward by one month.

What are you, a f-fortune teller now?

I am a mathematician,
a roboticist, and a casino owner.

And I don't know yet
how you figure into all of this,

but you most certainly do.

And I don't like unknown variables.

Irksome.

Not knowing exactly how you
play a part in ending the world.

You know, the...

person who wanted me to k*ll you,
you know what they think?

They think that you are gonna end things

by selling Vault-Tec the weapons it needs.

No.

The bombs will not be dropped by me
or any of the idiots at that meeting.

What I believe...

I believe there is a...

another player at the table.

The same unknown entity

responsible for your demon in the snow.

- Who?
- I don't know.

It's like I said. Irksome.

As you see, I live my life
by one simple maxim.

- The House always wins, right?
- And it does.

I'm making sure of it
using every single piece

of technology at my disposal.

[device chirping]

But what if I'm not the House?

What if someone else is?

What if you're just a f*cking lunatic?

I'm a lunatic?

Yeah.

I would encourage you
to gaze inward, Mr. Howard,

to your small life,

spending your days
pretending to be a cowboy,

while your wife is making
apocalyptic proposals

at board meetings,
and I'm building a m*ssile system

to defend this glorious city
from what's coming.

But from whom, Mr. Howard?

From whom?

Who ends the world?

Is it you? What if it is you?

- I don't think you're a cowboy at all, no.
- [elevator button clicking]

I think you're a k*ller!

I think I know exactly who you are!

[elevator pinging]

[high-pitched ringing]

[Ronnie] Alright. Comms Room.

Clark, Pete, with me.

[switches clicking]

It's dead.

Who were you hoping to contact?

The investors.

Hey, Clark, you're project manager.
Get this operational, stat.

Shouldn't take long.

[Ronnie] Hey, Pete, go try that one.

[sobbing]

You okay?

Sorry.

You'd think it would have
all hit me at once, but, uh...

[sniffling] Nope.

[sighs]

Even if my parents survived the bombs,
they'd be gone by now.

Same with my friends.

My cat.

[sniffling]

Your cat have a name?

His name was Puppy.

- Puppy the cat.
- It's funny, huh?

I mean, not right now, I guess.

[inhales sharply]

Yeah. [chuckles]

[sniffling]

You don't strike me as the kind of person

who would sign up for a program like this.

Did you know going in about
the Future Enterprise Ventures?

Like I said, I just started
this job a week ago.

But everything these people talked about
sounded pretty nutty to me.

But you don't remember what they said?

Nothing about doing something
to the people in Vault 32 or 33?

No.

There was this exec.

Bud's boss? Her name was Barbara Howard.

She was in charge
of all the Vault proposals.

Do you know where her office is?

[tense music playing]

- [computer keys clacking]
- [computer chirping]

You're not really
Bud's successor, are you?

How'd you know?

Mm.

Because you're not absolutely nuts?

Thank you?

But the rest of them, they are nuts.

I mean, they bet their whole lives
on Bud Askins

and his weird multi-millennial plan.

If they realize you took that from them,

there's no telling what they'll do.

Sorry if that came across
as a little dramatic.

But in my defense, I did just see
the world end, like, a week ago.

I could really use a drink.

Do you want a drink?

- I've actually never had one.
- Really?

I'll be right back.

♪

- Future Enterprise Ventures.
- [computer keys clacking]

F... E-V.

- [computer keys clacking]
- [computer chirping]

Forced Evolutionary Virus.

[electricity zapping]

You lied to us.

[tense music playing]

[Ronnie shouting and grunting]

[choking]

[grunting]

[choking]

[gasps]

[breathing heavily]

[gasps]

[neon sign buzzing]

[indistinct chatter]

[inhaler hissing]

[exhales sharply]

[groaning]

[Lucy sighs]

[door closes]

I think we can say
I am officially done with dru--

[heaving]

Window.

[retching]

- [coughing]
- [person outside] Watch it!

[Lucy breathing heavily]

[vomiting, coughing]

- [Lucy sighs]
- You done?

[Lucy sniffling]

Thanks.

[sighs] Least I can do, considering.

[person clearing throat]

Who's that?

[Ghoul] I'll let him explain.

Hi!

I was sent here by your father.

Mr. MacLean is very impressed
that you've followed him this far,

but he's quite secure
in an underground facility.

There's no reaching him from here,

not without his explicit invitation.

You're gonna walk right back out of here
and lead us to my father, now.

Unfortunately, I don't have permission.

Mr. MacLean is watching over
this gentleman's wife and daughter.

They are quite peacefully
resting in stasis.

And wouldn't it be a shame if Mr. MacLean

had to terminate that slumber prematurely?

They almost assuredly
wouldn't survive the process.

Don't listen to him.
Whatever it is, we can't trust him.

However, Mr. MacLean
is willing to make a deal,

one family's safety for another's.

Mr. MacLean will leave your wife
and daughter

safe and sound in their cryo chambers

if you bring his daughter
back to the safety of her Vault.

- What?
- Your father is in the process

of setting certain plans in motion.

He'd like it if you'd be able
to wait it out,

safe and sound, back at home.

Do you accept?

You can't actually be considering this.

Lucy, I brought you here to bargain with.

This is the bargain.

[softly] We were actually
beginning to get along.

Yeah.

[tranq g*n fires]

[heavy breathing]

[sighs]

Mm, wonderful!

I'll inform management
that you made an agreeable decision.

Good afternoon.

[door closes]

- [grunting]
- [tranq dart clattering]

[grunting]

[Lucy breathing heavily]

[sighs, clears throat]

- Take a nap.
- [liquid pouring]

When you wake up, you'll be home.

Couldn't be helped.

Family's a f*cked-up thing.

[somber music playing]

[elevator pings]

[somber music continues]

♪

[labored breathing]

Oh, my God. Cooper Howard!
Can I have a kiss?

- You have to ride the m*ssile!
- [cheering and applause]

[somber music continues playing]

[breathing heavily]

[screaming]

[glass shattering]

[exclaiming, groaning]

[Ghoul groaning]

I thought we were friends.

[panting]

[cameras clicking]

♪

We need to talk.

[footsteps approaching]

My little Sugarbomb.

[breathing heavily]

[♪ The Mills Brothers:
"You Always Hurt the One You Love"]

♪ You always hurt ♪

♪ the one you love ♪

♪ The one you shouldn't hurt ♪

♪ at all ♪

♪ You always take ♪

♪ the sweetest rose ♪

♪ and crush it ♪

♪ till the petals fall ♪

♪ You always break ♪

♪ the kindest heart ♪

♪ with a hasty word you can't recall ♪

♪ So, if I broke ♪

♪ your heart last night ♪

♪ it's because I love you ♪

♪ most of all ♪

♪