04x01 - Paypal of Bukkake

[bunniefuu]

- ♪ ["TRUE FAITH" BY NEW ORDER PLAYING] ♪
- [INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[DOG BARKING]

[SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE]

[RESIDENT GRUNTS, CONTINUES SHOUTING]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- ♪ [SONG CONTINUES] ♪

♪ I feel so extraordinary ♪

♪ Something's got a hold on me ♪

♪ I get this feeling I'm in motion ♪

♪ A sudden sense of liberty ♪

♪ I don't care 'Cause I'm not there ♪

♪ And I don't care... ♪

- Hi.
- HAYLEY CLAY: Hi.

♪ Again and again
I've taken too much ♪

♪ Of the things that
Cost you too much... ♪

- Okay, cheers!
- [OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

Cheers!

♪ I'd see delight in the shade
Of the morning sun ♪

- ♪ [SONG PLAYS OVER SPEAKERS] ♪
- ♪ My morning sun is the drug ♪

♪ That brings me near ♪

♪ To the childhood I lost
Replaced by fear ♪

♪ I used to think that the day
Would never come ♪

♪ That my life would depend on
The morning sun ♪

♪ [SONG SPEEDING UP] ♪

♪ [FAST-PACED TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [TECHNO REMIX OF "FIRESTARTER"
BY THE PRODIGY PLAYING] ♪

♪ I'm a fire starter... ♪

MAN: [MUFFLED]

HAYLEY:

MAN:

♪ I'm a fire starter
Twisted fire starter ♪

♪ You're a fire starter
Twisted fire starter ♪

♪ I'm a fire starter
Twisted fire starter ♪

♪ I'm the Self-inflicted twisted ♪

♪ I'm the Self-inflicted twisted ♪

♪ I'm the Self-inflicted twisted ♪

♪ ["SPACE SONG"
BY BEACH HOUSE OVERLAPPING] ♪

But how... How the f*ck
do you afford a place like this?

Talent.

- You don't have to be up early?
- HAYLEY: [LAUGHS] No.

My boss, he flies to Africa
basically weekly.

- Huh?
- And that's my lie-in.

[MOANS]

MAN: I don't want
to take advantage of you.

[SIGHS] You can use your tongue
wherever you want.

Come on.

My ex said my p*ssy
looks like pink bubblegum.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- Oh. [CHUCKLES]

[EXHALES BREATHILY]

- ♪ [MUSIC STOPS] ♪
- [SIGHS SOFTLY]

[GROANS]

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

Oh!

Hey, hey. Hi.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- MAN: Morning. Morning.

Morning.

Sorry, yeah, I, uh...
I made some, uh, coffee.

Oh, thank you.

Well, if you told me your name,
I've forgotten it. [CHUCKLES]

- What did we do?
- So I'm, uh...

- [BOTTLE THUDS]
- I'm... I'm Jim.

Uh, Jim Dycker from FinDigest.

You're the only person
who replies to me.

Um, no one at your company
returns my calls.

James Dycker?

Mm-hmm.

Oh my God. I replied to that

as a professional f*cking courtesy.

Yeah, no, no.
I know, I know. But look.

Listen. There... there are
multiple anonymous ways to...

Oh my God. What the actual f*ck?

What the f*ck
are you even talking about?

- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- Get out of my f*cking house!

All your quotes
could be not for attribution.

Or just let me speak to your boss.

You followed me?
Are you f*cking crazy?

Okay, the time to get
your little notepad out

- has f*cking passed, dickhead!
- Okay.

HAYLEY: Okay, get out!

Get the f*ck out of here
with journalistic ethics,

you f*cking stalker!

And my boyfriend will be home soon,

and he's big, and he's f*cking Black!

Oh, wow. Wha... What does that mean?

Oh, you know what it means, b*tch!

I wasn't intending
to come back here, okay?

But I'm human. I made an error
of f*cking judgment.

I know, I know. But listen.

I've been communicating
with your boss's old assistant.

Maybe, maybe, ask him about her.

Where is she?
I guess NDA'd to f*ck, okay?

Because questions,
they don't just disappear

because he denies they exist.

- What are you doing?
- f*ck!

- JIM DYCKER: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- Get the f*ck out of here!

- I will f*cking cut you!
- JIM: All right. Stop. I'm leaving.

I'm leaving, I'm leaving.

I... If I could just...
just get my jacket.

It's just got my keys in it!

[GROANS, SIGHS] f*cking hell!

♪ ["FINE TIME" BY NEW ORDER PLAYING] ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[TELEPHONE RINGING]

♪ [MUSIC FADING] ♪

You guys are acting shifty.
Are you under or overstimulated?

I had a three-bottle lunch on Friday

with James Ashford
from Ashford Asset Management.

[CHUCKLES] He was so livid,

he forgot to flirt with the waitress.

He had a trap door
behind his eyes opened

like a man weighing a divorce.
You know, a professional one.

- What are you talking about?
- KWABENA BANNERMAN: Anyway, he said

he was gonna make official contact,

i.e., not boozy-lunch contact

- with our investor relations guy...
- [SHREDDER WHIRRING]

...about withdrawing capital
from your fund.

You're paid to outperform
the market, not track it.

Roland, I f*cking concur.

So maybe you can tell me why it is

I'm faced with a firing squad

every time I try to put a short on.

I'm here to offer counsel.

I've not seen you offering
counsel in anyone else's office.

- Is your counsel Otto's diktat?
- Otto's retired.

I'm really tired
of dancing around the fact

that I was promised a fund

and given what feels like
a separately managed account

with claustrophobic levels
of oversight.

Head of UK Discretionary Sales
is just a verbose way

of saying "babysitter,"
let's be honest.

I wanted to know whether you intended

to keep running
the short basket you had on.

This OnlyFans and Siren nonsense
is spooking your investors.

More surveillance.
I am managing this fund, okay?

And yes, it is still my view

that the Online Safety Bill
will be a negative catalyst

for those adult content players.

So now our primary trade centers
around mid-cap spank sites?

Compelling.

I guess one could argue
these porn services

are predatory platforms
that coerce the vulnerable.

Is there something you want
to say to me directly, or...?

Uh, no, no, sorry. Uh...

I... I misspoke. My bad.

Yeah, I just... I don't think
that we should be

trading minutes
around specific verbiage

of government statements
that could pertain

to a basket of names.

I mean, it's not like
these are criminal enterprises.

KWABENA: Well, Siren's prevalence

in my search history
feels criminal, though.

[LAUGHS] That's a joke. Sorry, my bad.

Uh, I don't consider myself
a prolific masturbator.

HARPER STERN: Okay, enough, enough.

Gentlemen, I think we're done here.

Unless you'd like to troubleshoot

any other methods you got cooking up

to tell me how to do my f*cking job.

- [SIGHS] Mm-hmm.
- [KNOCKING ON TABLE]

- [SIGHS]
- ♪ [SOFT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

JAY JONAH ATTERBURY: I used
to think we looked the same age.

If I thought
I was gonna live this long,

I would've taken better
care of myself.

You should try
a semen retention streak.

It firms up the collagen in your face.

No fap. No cap, you do that sh*t?

WHITNEY HALBERSTRAM:
No, does it look like I need to?

Dude, you're glowing.

You chalk that up
to infrequent ejaculation?

I drink a lot of water.
You're glowing, too.

For a man who comes as much as I do?

Yes. No, wait, what the f*ck
are we even talking about?

JONAH: It's just a redux of the '90s

and the pearl-clutching
of the Christian right.

I agree, it's Newt Gingrich
with a blue rinse job.

But Siren's age-verification
methods remain f*cking trash.

So they're the lightning rod
for all this sh*t

because they committed the
crime of being the most popular.

Look, man, this is the
Labour government's crusade

against children being
turned into p*rn*graphy,

and I maintain our mission statement

- should always be expansion.
- [GATE BEEPS, CHIMES]

- What...
- [GATE BEEPS, CHIMES]

Hey, you pushed us
into f*cking Africa.

What's the next territory
we can slap a tag on

and call "the Global South"?

Look, I know you think
the nuts and bolts

- of our biz is tawdry.
- "Tawdry"?

Dude, it's about censure, regulation,

and the potential erosion
of our profit model

while we thumb our own asses
with no eye on the future.

- I need coffee.
- I can't sh*t that much.

- AUTOMATED VOICE: Thirty.
- I'm not calling the CEO of a company

that pays us a shitload of cash

just to spook him over some
government virtue signaling.

It's the Labour Party's
first 100 days in government.

They want flashy,
ideological headlines

like this bill
that end up going nowhere.

Why do we work with Siren
and their evergreen users?

Because human perversion is a hydra.

What more needs saying?

[SIGHS] So once again, you railroad me

into getting what you want.

If that's how you choose
to see it, sure.

I mean, do me a favor and light
the candle that I got you.

I bought it on my personal,

and there's an ambient fog
of something in here.

There's been a few comments.

And that's antithetical
to executive function?

Uh, yes. Yes, it is.
Will you indulge me?

Come by my office tomorrow,
and let me lay this out for you?

Do we have any boba?
Is that a thing that we do?

Um, I don't know what that is,
but I can check.

Yeah, will this indulgence make
you shut the f*ck up about it?

- It may well do.
- JONAH: Then I'll be there.

You do look great, by the way,
for a man twice your age.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[JAMIE ABINGTON CHUCKLING]

- Let's do doubles then, yeah?
- Doubles, definitely.

Boss! Uh, my round?

Yeah, one for everyone.
I've just been promoted.

You're actually at a wake.

- A what?
- PENNY GALE: You're at a wake.

Oh, yeah? Who died?

No one you'd know, I don't think.

You can buy me a drink still,
if you want.

- What do you want?
- Gin and tonic, please.

- Two gin and tonics.
- BARTENDER: Coming up, boss.

When you're touched by God like he is,

you can do as you please.

Your mob had 15 years
to bring about real change,

and you bankrupted the country.

Look, the Online Safety Bill,
it really isn't radical.

You would say that as someone
who pens Bevan's speeches

and soft-peddles
her Orwellian nightmare.

Yeah, I mean, people's online activity

is effectively being NSA'd, no?

They'll be logging
our bowel movements soon

like the Chinese.

I mean, listen, you must know what
Bevan's gonna say tomorrow, right?

Where do you work again?

I could have sworn
that I recognized you.

I mean, there's thousands
of me across London.

f*ck off. Right, I'm
going to get another round.

- Yeah, put it my tab. It's been a good year.
- [CHUCKLES]

JAMIE: Gobby little harridan,
but cheeky.

She's got this doppelgänger on Siren.

I'm 90-percent sure
it's not her. [CHUCKLES]

Oh, you city boys must be all over

this disgusting, little website.

Yeah. [CHUCKLES]

- [MOANS]
- JAMIE: Mate, look at that.

Yeah, this woman redefines the concept

of big naturals. [LAUGHS]

She has that look, you know.
n*zi fertility propaganda.

Yeah, uh, show me again, mate.

JAMIE: Okay, okay.

♪ [BROODING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

- JAMIE: There you go. [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

Yeah, no, don't worry.

I could have, uh, could have
sworn she was at school

with my younger sister.
But, yeah, milkers, son.

- MOURNER: Jamie!
- JAMIE: I'm sorry for your loss.

Vassos had a brain
the size of a planet.

He was an exceptional mentor.

A real... a real pintsman.

A stickman too, but a pintsman.
That's where he made his name.

If it wasn't the drink
that k*lled him,

it would have been the c*ck rock.

Drank like a red wall MP on expenses.

A true proponent of Clause 44.

Forty-four pints before 4:00 p.m.

♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

- PENNY: What you looking for?
- JAMIE: Seen my phone?

PENNY: No, where was it last?

JAMIE: I dunno,
I think it was in here.

Where is it?

PENNY: How the f*ck do I know?

JAMIE: [SIGHS] Cheers.

[GLASS THUDS]

- f*ck me.
- [GROANS] No.

JAMIE: It tastes like
prison hooch that blinds you.

Ooh, shots. Jeez. No, thank you.
That is all you, love.

[SIGHS] f*ck.

JAMIE: Mate, you haven't seen
my phone, have you?

I haven't.

[PENNY GROANS, CHUCKLES]

♪ [INTRIGUING MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

So is this gonna be a thing now?

Seems a bit desperate for you.

[SIREN BLARING IN DISTANCE]

Lot of known knowns here, right?

There's no way that the market
has fully priced Bevan

naming Siren specifically
in Parliament tomorrow.

[SIGHS] Yeah, I mean,
the names have all sold off

a little in anticipation.

But it's definitely not fully priced

in that Siren's gonna catch
the most flack.

It has the most downside.

HARPER: Siren's where
to be short in size.

[HELICOPTERS BLADES WHIRRING OVERHEAD]

I can't get past even the most
cursory background checks.

Without an economic function,

society buries you before you're dead.

I, uh, I took care of that

chunk of change that you owed
at The Priory for your stay.

They said you put me as kin
on your record.

I didn't know.

I was pretty zonked on meds.

I wasn't actually trying
to do anything.

Not really.

Okay.

I'll be in touch if this works.

AUTOMATED VOICE:
AI-driven fraud detection.

♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

AUTOMATED VOICE:
Leading in financial well-being,

trust, privacy, security.

A one-stop shop for savings,
investments, exchange.

Why should wealth management
be only for the one percent?

- Tender, a private banker in your pocket.
- ♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

A lot of Asians in that.

That's not a negative,
just an observation.

You're kinda, like, heavy Asian.

- That wasn't intentional.
- It's not not compelling,

but this can't be
what you wanted to show me.

I mean, this is a
completely different business.

WHITNEY: I canvassed
our investors casually.

They like the potential
direction of travel.

Since when did
this become a democracy?

Uh, since we went public,

we should be and can be
a full-service banking app,

- a bank in your pocket.
- A neobank.

Is that why you blew all this
money moving us to Canary Wharf?

The tab was probably smaller
rebuilding Notre Dame.

The, um, the euphemistic bull

that spares everyone's blushes
in our earnings reports...

What's the phraseology?

"Alternative merchants,"


JONAH: "Alternative merchants."
What does that mean?

ROBIN WILLIAMSON:
Gambling and p*rn*graphy.

Sucking, f*cking, rolling the dice!

PayPal, Google Pay won't touch it,

so it's our 23 percent.

Siren, which now dwarfs OnlyFans

in terms of active users and profit,

makes up, what?
Four percent of our revenue?

Jerking off is recession-proof.

There are markets
that aren't accessible

to the project
due to associations with Siren

and other risqué vendors.

If Tender wants a banking license...

We can't expect people to want
to deposit their savings

or take a mortgage with us

if we're associated
with squirting videos and, uh,

"Ebony GILF gets force-bred
by Black Bull."

JONAH: f*ck yeah.

That's my go-to right
there when I'm hungover.

Hey, does it make me
r*cist or anti-r*cist

that I can only get hard
for Black-on-Black action?

Also, we are not a bank.

FERDINAND SCHWARZWALD:
Maybe Tender shouldn't be satisfied

simply being the PayPal of bukkake.

"PayPal of bukkake" is good.

- Write that down.
- WHITNEY: Don't write that down.

We can weather the short-term pain.

Sorry, four percent of revenue
is short-term pain?

Yes, compared to the long-term gain

of what we could be

once we rehabilitate Tender's image.

Yes, this is a pivot.
I'm not underselling that it is,

but I think you need
to at least engage

- with what we could be.
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

Siren doesn't belong at Tender 2.0.

Because there is no
f*cking Tender 2.0!

WHITNEY: Oh, yeah, we IPO'd
less than two years ago

and not very successfully,
might I add.

All right, and what's happened since?

Rampant growth,
a surge in your net worth.

Yeah, fueled
by my acquisition strategy.

Okay, all right,
so we're highly cash generative,

growing in users,

increasingly loved
by sell-side analysts,

and you're suggesting a re-break
of our business model?

Whit, make the picture

- make sense.
- WHITNEY: Not a re-break,

a re-imagining of what
we might be capable of.

No, f*ck that! Not everything
needs disrupting, okay?

f*cking artisanal olive oil

does not need to be delivered
through your letterbox.

Dude, what
have we always talked about?

Late capitalism is a carcinogen
that breathes a product

for everything that you think you need

except the thing you really want.

I have the product people really want!

Or we can sputter along,
bob and weave,

and in a few years,
you're gonna come to me

and be like, "Hey, Whit,

why have our profits eroded so much?"

And what the f*ck do you want me
to say to you then?

[SCOFFS]

Sometimes...

the next thing is just
to continue being very good

at the thing
we're f*cking doing, okay?

Man, I hate... [SIGHS]
I hate fighting you.

You need to be really careful
about using phrases

like "Black-on-Black action"
in this office.

[ZIPPER WHOOSHING]

Never deny a man his passions.

- [SCOFFS]
- ♪ [INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

- Hayley! Chair.
- HAYLEY: Um...

Mm-hmm.

Hi.

- How'd it go?
- WHITNEY: Not good.

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

- SPEAKER: Minister for Industry.
- [MPS JEERING]

Kwabena, find me all the borrow
you can on Siren.

Now?

No, at the next
full f*cking moon. Yes, now.

KWABENA: f*cking hell, Harp,
it's not very liquid.

All the size you can find.

JENNIFER BEVAN: [OVER TV]
Madam Speaker, I welcome

the Online Safety Bill

returning to the Commons,
having gone through

extensive scrutiny in the Lords.

This bill is a vital piece
of legislation

that will protect our children

from the darkest recesses
of the internet.

- [KWABENA SPEAKING ON PHONE]
- JENNIFER: The changes

this government
and my department have outlined

will ensure that the bill
contains the strongest...

- Okay. I will love you for the rest of time.
- ...possible protections...

- Thank you.
- ...for children

and that internet users' rights
of both free expression

- and privacy are protected.
- MPS: Here, here!

Okay, we're short.
Chunky for a mid-cap.

A hundred bars.
Um, 3.2 percent of float.

SPEAKER: The Member for South Thanet.

Can I ask the Minister

when she believes
Britain became a gulag?

- [MPS CHORTLING]
- Oh my God.

SEBASTIAN STEFANOWICZ: How
far does she think we are away from

my constituents
being handed jail sentences

longer than pedophiles
for posting the truth on X?

- MP 1: Yeah, it's a disgrace!
- MP 2: It's already happening!

This bill is not about
silencing speech,

it's about accountability,

holding platforms responsible,

p*rn*graphy companies masquerading

as content aggregators.
Websites like Siren.

And the vendors
and the payment processors

that facilitate those transactions

and turn a blind eye to exploitation.

Harp, Siren named specifically.

JENNIFER: Now is the time...

KWABENA: We're lurching down here.

- Down eight percent.
- Is that right?

JENNIFER: ...at a large personal
cost to the consumer.

If we've learned anything
from the previous government,

it's that if you want to make
people pay attention,

- first you hurt their money.
- [MPS CHEERING]

KWABENA: Okay, well,
made a tidy little profit here.

You want me to lock it in?

He's got her all the way f*cked up.

JENNIFER: We will pursue
the most aggressive measures.

I wanna take profit here, Harp.

- SWEETPEA GOLIGHTLY: Yeah, lock it in.
- Uh-uh!

Sorry, I thought we were investors,

not seat-of-our-pants traders.

Run the position.

We have a short and it's working.

End of story.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

...holding platforms responsible...

WHITNEY: I heard
you got to know Jennifer Bevan.

What does your husband think
about that budding friendship?

We need to talk
about our Jonah problem.

I was calling to see
if you'd seat me next to her.

If you sit me next
to Stephen Fry again,

I'm not responsible for what happens.

YASMIN KARA-HANANI:
Well, she is being touted

for the big job in the next reshuffle.

WHITNEY: They elevated Dearn
to Business Secretary

to help placate the remaining
hard left of the party.

Yeah. Jenny's
going to be around for a while.

The revolving door of Tory ministers

made lobbying f*cking hard.
I could never get a foothold.

Well, listen,
I'll perch you next to her.

You can stick your silver tongue
in her ear, see how she squeals.

But, um, I want to keep
the conversation

about Henry's future alive.

- Sound fair?
- Sounds fabulous.

[CELL PHONE CLATTERS]

The Jonah problem
is not "our" problem.

The company is me and Jonah.

Our friendship predates
all this f*cking noise.

FERDINAND: Apologies. I overstepped.

But if he's your friend,

you need to protect him from himself.

See, this is a serious company.

He's not a serious person.

♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

JENNIFER: [ECHOING]
Websites like Siren,

and the vendors,
and the payment processors

that facilitate those transactions

and turn a blind eye to exploitation.

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

WHITNEY: Gentlemen,
thanks for coming in

on such short notice.

So, as mutually beneficial
as our partnership has been,

we can no longer
be your payment processor.

JOHAN VAN DER BERG:
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY] What?

We can't be linked
to p*rn*graphy of any,

uh, denomination.

We're not a porn company.
We're an online

subscription aggregator.

That's a neat semantic trick.

What is p*rn*graphy anyway? I mean...

Do feet count, by way of example?

A lot of our performers are non-nude.

It's all consensual.

This online bill and the recent stink

around age verification in the press

contends that you make
no concrete guarantee of that.

If a woman wants to record
her flatulence into a microphone

and monetize it, it's her agency.

- Siren is feminist.
- [CHUCKLES]

Remind me what Siren
was called before,

uh, Balderton bankrolled your Series B

and you hired the on-the-nose,
hip, little agency

- for the rebrand?
- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

It had a military element,
as I recall.

You partnered with Colonel Creampie.

- WHITNEY: With who?
- With Colonel Creampie.

You partnered with Colonel Creampie,

and I want Jonah in this meeting.

I want the chief executive
here right now.

We'll stop processing your payments

in the next 24 hours.

We'll then start cutting ties

with other vendors in the space.

I'm sorry, but, politely,
we don't know you.

So why are you in this meeting?

That's Ferdinand.
He's the CFO of IBN Bauer Bank

and a non-exec director on our board.

Okay. So why's he speaking to us
like an executive director?

We have a six-percent stake in Tender,

and Whitney's vision
for the company is one we back.

JONAS VAN DIJK: We won't
be blackmailed like this.

Good. I'm not blackmailing you.

This is just what's gonna happen.

- JOHAN: We have a contract.
- You do.

So, uh, let the lawyers
fight for years

about whether said contract is
worth the paper it's printed on.

Tender's POV...

contract's terminated.

[SLAPPING ON TABLE]

Fly safe, boys.

JOHAN: What the f*ck?

♪ [MUSIC CONTINUES] ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey!

I thought you should know
I fired Siren.

Something is happening
in your company.

JONAH: Dude, are you joking?
I'm the f*cking CEO!

Publicly traded company,
so f*cking act like it.

- [KWABENA GRUNTS]
- [MOANS]

Do you want me to avoid
the... the a*s?

Don't say a*s like that.

So we're clear, do you want me
to avoid your arse area?

Yes, yes, I do.

What if you wanted me
to f*ck you in the a*s, huh?

- KWABENA: Chill.
- [LAUGHS]

KWABENA: What the hell?
I'm not about to be penetrated

for some cheap feminist statement.

- All right. [SIGHS] Oh, boy.
- ♪ [HIP-HIP SONG PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS] ♪

- Are you good?
- KWABENA: Yeah. [SIGHS]

[SIGHS] I just... I...

I think I put my foot in my mouth

with Sweetpea yesterday.

I feel like most women
in this business

walk into rooms and have men
undress them with their eyes.

KWABENA: No, that's false equivalence.

Thousands of guys in the city
have literally seen her box.

Yes, and whoever forwarded
that leak is f*cking complicit.

It was meant to be anonymous.

She never wanted
to put her face to it.

No, you're right, you're right. Yeah.

- I know I'm right.
- It sucks.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

This won't define her anyway,
don't worry.

Hmm.

Have you seen it?

KWABENA: No.

No.

And she's not my type.

You've never fantasized
about f*cking her?

A pristine White girl

whose p*ssy
you could just f*cking ruin?

- Sounds like a party.
- [CELL PHONE VIBRATES, DINGS]

- HARPER: Excuse me.
- [GROANS]

[HARPER GRUNTS]

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

- f*cking c**t!
- KWABENA: What?

- ♪ [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- [SIGHS]

HARPER: "The LilyLara family office

has just put in a redemption request

to withdraw their capital."
[SOFTLY] f*ck.

Who's that? I've never heard of them.

- ♪ [INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- f*cking c*ck b*tch.

Take this down. I'm gating the fund.

What? What? Why on God's
green earth would you do that?

Because... because I'm sick
and f*cking tired

of people taking decisions
out of my hands. Do it.

That m*therf*cker's always
making sh*t f*cking personal.

I must acknowledge recent performance

has not met the high standards
that we set for ourselves.

My conviction in Siren,
a position which is now working,

has led me to the difficult decision

to implement an emergency gate,

which will temporarily prohibit
outflows from the fund.

This gate is to protect you,
the investor.

We don't want to dilute
potential returns

for remaining investors.

Lie number one, who'd invest
in your project now?

As our team has discovered
a set of short positions

we think will be extremely lucrative

- in the short to mid-term.
- Lie number two.

The fund's yet to have
an idea that truly broke out

and we've owned
the conversation around.

Yes, because Otto
is f*cking backseat driving.

We should, in no uncertain terms,

make it clear what this fund
is going to be

- moving forward.
- I get that.

- I just...
- Can you shut the f*ck up, please,

- and just take the g*dd*mn email?
- KWABENA: Jesus Christ.

♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

HARPER: Issues with governance
and management has meant

I have not been able to fulfil
the short-only mandate

you believed you were investing in

a little over a year ago.
That changes from tomorrow.

[KEYBOARD KEYS CLACKING]

Yours, Harper Stern,
Short Opportunities Fund,

Mostyn Asset Management.

Harper, look, I get you're the boss.

- This is not a good idea.
- Send it.

Fine.

What's the distribution?

- Client-wide.
- ♪ [MUSIC INTENSIFIES] ♪

[KEYBOARD KEY CLICKS]

- [DOOR SLAMS SHUT]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[TELEPHONES RINGING] - [INDISTINCT
OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS]

Excuse me?

Do I look like I'm made out
of flame-retardant material?

I have never heard
that collection of words

- come out of anyone.
- JAMES ASHFORD: Why am I always going into...

- Out, out.
- ...business with f*cking arsonists?

HARPER: [SIGHS] James.

I'm protecting us
from capricious outflow,

while a key idea
of the quarter is working.

JAMES: I thought
I was investing in someone

finding long-term,
non-consensus shorts

with potentially massive payouts.

Siren's not even
on a proper index. It's tiny!

The short-only mandate changed
without my consent.

- [SCOFFS]
- ♪ [MUSIC QUIETENS] ♪

This doesn't have anything to do

with your chairman emeritus's
political ambitions, does it?

What the f*ck are you talking about?

Might be worth asking Lord Mostyn

what a noisy, short-only fund
was doing to his chances

of a peerage when the Tories
were defenestrated.

The House of Lords
Appointment Commission

has a vetting process

to ensure nobody
brings it into disrepute.

[BOTTLE THUDS]

[CLEARS THROAT] I have
instructed my funds council

to draft a redemption request...

- Okay.
- ...and a note for your investor letters

if you're ever lucky enough
to write another one again.

There's no need
to be so sesquipedalian.

Sesquipedalian.

Sesquipedalian. [CLEARS THROAT]

Sesquip...

Is this all because you couldn't
make me come?

[IN HOARSE VOICE] Sesquipedalian.

[HIGH-PITCHED TONE RINGING]

If you're gonna have a f*cking stroke,

please do it outside of my office.

[SOFTLY] ...pedalian.

- SWEETPEA: Oh my God!
- [TRADERS EXCLAIMING]

- Oh, sh*t!
- Oh, f*ck.

- HARPER: Oh my God. Oh, my...
- KWABENA: Oh, sh*t.

- HARPER: Get, um, get...
- KWABENA: What the f*ck?

Serena, please, go get... Uh, call...

Call 91... 999. Call somebody.

- SWEETPEA: Oh my God.
- KWABENA: sh*t, I should do something. f*ck!

Very inconvenient.

[STAMMERING]

HARPER: Thank you, guys.

What's the opposite
of a runner's high?

ROLAND REDNERG: That isn't funny.

Well, the only solution
to mortality is a smile, Roland.

He's gonna be fine, guys.

The EMTs said it was
a transient ischemic attack.

As strokes go, it was a baby.

What the f*ck were you thinking
trying to gate the fund?

If you wanted pyrotechnics,
let me tell you something,

it has f*cking well worked.

I... I think it might be worth
a brief pause

to analyze why we're causing bleeds

- on our clients' brains.
- [SWEETPEA CHUCKLING]

We are supposed to have
an investigative strategy,

slow and steady, months,
years even, to build a case.

People like Ashford want
to sit in their pile

and know that their money
is working for them.

- [TELEPHONE RINGING]
- If you lack impulse control,

why are you managing
other people's money?

People like Ashford invested in me.

I am not the one who made
this fund schizophrenic.

Can you give me six feet, please?

♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

SERENA: Otto's on the line.

♪ [FOREBODING MUSIC OVERLAPPING] ♪

[ROLAND SIGHS]

f*ck!

[BELLS CHIMING]

- [DISTANT DOOR SLAMMING]
- [BELL TOLLING]

I have been fielding calls all morning

about your churlish, gating email,

whilst concurrently
swearing my allegiance

to His Majesty the King.

You are the last person
that I wanted to see today.

I never signed on to be
a separately managed account.

You are not
a separately managed account.

In all but name, I am.

Short-selling companies
that act in the public interest

is the work of vultures,
and we are not vultures in here.

Are you telling me that Siren
acts in the public interest?

w*nk*ng is utilitarian.

I am talking about your other
prospective shorts,

public utilities.

Those board members are friends.

They are nephews.
They are godchildren.

Okay, so then what are we
doing here, honestly?

OTTO MOSTYN:
You are in an enviable position

for a woman of your age.

Now, I am going to cauterize the bleed

of your ridiculous
and unilateral email,

and we will assess your performance

quarter on quarter,
like any other manager.

Unfortunately, Harper,
this is a brave new world,

based on merit.

You hired me on merit.

- I hired you as a face.
- ♪ [TENSE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

And the cost-benefit analysis
of the progressive sheen

that you brought to the wider umbrella

of Mostyn Asset Management,
and it no longer stacks up.

You wanted to hire
a puppet in blackface,

so you could continue being a crook.

OTTO: And in whose eyes
am I provably a crook?

A crook anointed by the king?

And that woke sh*t

no longer moves the needle
in this new world.

I accidentally called a subordinate

a ret*rd yesterday.

Nobody flinched.
And you know what, Harper?

Tomorrow, I might do it again.

♪ ["LA MER"
BY CHARLES TRENET PLAYING] ♪

♪ [CHARLES TRENET SINGING IN FRENCH] ♪

HESH COOPER: My granddaughter
gets a 200K allowance

and whines about being
poor in New York.

That's not an allowance.
It's an endowment.

Thank Christ and his consigliere,

we were young enough for deregulation

and old enough for compound interest.

Yeah, three things increase
with compound interest.

Good deeds, bad deeds, and cash.

- You not keep up on the market?
- Nah.

GOLFER: How many
spare ba*ls do you reckon

this detail carries?

CHUCK ANDERSON: Has 47
ever allowed anyone to play through?

HESH: Not in this lifetime.

Okay, I got us a four-top
at the Palm for tonight.

Uh, no wives or girlfriends
or twinks, Peaky.

ERIC TAO: Again,
we want to try somewhere else,

it's always the f*cking Palm.

GOLFER: ...whenever he ends up
at the bunker,

he shouts "fake news"
and the ball disappears.

HESH: f*ck this. I'm not waiting
for him to finish another hole

when I shot 82 already.

What the f*ck? I'm playing here!

HESH: Tell it to your priest.

GOLFER 2: I heard he loves
playing with Tiger Woods

because it makes him feel like
a civil rights hero.

♪ [SINGING IN FRENCH CONTINUES] ♪

[CELL PHONE VIBRATES]

Well, hello.

HARPER: [OVER PHONE] Bizarre way
to tell me you miss me.

Excuse me?

Your family office withdrew funds.

HARPER: LilyLara are pulling out.

I'm retired, Harper.

Dillon's the one that's across
how we're invested.

He didn't like your last few quarters.

Said you're throwing sand in the air,

and you're surprised
it doesn't land as a castle.

"He who makes a beast of himself
gets rid of the pain

of being a man." Author.
First name, six letters.

- Last name, seven.
- No idea.

ERIC: You want to know
why people think

Bridgewater is the best fund
in the world?

It's not underlying returns.

It's 'cause Dalio crows louder
than the rest

when they're owning one good position

and shuts the f*ck up
when they're on a bad run.

Dillon showed me your gating email.

It read a little aggressive.

Oh. Angry Black woman.

Is it really as reductive as that?

You are an angry Black woman.

I was stopping outflows,

while landing on an idea that works.

A public gating of your fund
is the coroner's signature.

A gating at 30 years old? Ooh, boy.

Cutting investors
off from their money? Come on.

Otto k*lled my vision.

You know what, Harp?
I... I think you find it useful

to always have a prepackaged person

to blame when you fail.

But if you're
hell-bent on that strategy,

find a structural short
you actually believe

is violently overvalued
and should re-rate.

Own the story,

your name on the trade,

because it's your name on the door,

not some other schmuck.

HARPER: And what if it
was our names on the door?

You look thirsty, baby.

Wanna come over when you're done?

Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'll be...
I'll be right there.

That sounds like a good arrangement.

Uh, yeah.
Wait, what... what arrangement?

She likes me.

HARPER: [CHUCKLING] Yeah.

And I bet ol' girl
has a fat, ol' a*s. [CHUCKLES]

Correction, actually, I can't imagine

that she's very old at all.
She sounds Black.

I'm not a fetishist.

HARPER: Oh, I didn't...

I did not say anything.

Maybe we could just...

talk about
what it could look like, maybe.

♪ ["LOVE IS BLUE"
BY MARTY ROBBINS PLAYING] ♪

You've had a long day, I'm sure.

Don't say things you want
to recant come morning.

Retirement must be heaven on earth.

Don't be a stranger.

♪ Blue, blue, my world is blue ♪

♪ Blue is my world
Since I'm without you ♪

♪ Grey, grey, my life... ♪

Where the f*ck do you get off

doing something so self-destructive?

You're acting like a legacy CEO.

Your job is governance and growth.

Dude, if you want out,
if you want to resign,

or someone's courting you,
you can say.

WHITNEY: Nobody's after me.
I'm a happy here.

But I won't stop advocating
for a maturing of the business.

♪ [MELLOW JAZZ SONG
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND] ♪

To think this all started
importing dupe BAPE hoodies

- from Puyang.
- [WHITNEY CHUCKLING]

Michelangelo made David.

You birthed a platform
for rerouting porn payments.

JONAH: We birthed it.

Come on, do you still find me
attractive? Objectively.

I put this one chick away recently.

Tight f*cking body, real pommel horse.

When I got full nude,

I could see her doing
the mental calculus.

Whether f*cking me
was worth the dinner

at some overpriced
Gordon Ramsay sh*t h*le.

Can I do another? Vodka this time.

Bone dry. Cold as space. Thanks.

Mm, but I'm sick of your solo project

sh1tting on the flow of our band, man.

Globetrotting Whitney
disappearing to Africa

every f*cking two minutes

to overpay for some
piece of sh*t native biz.

You signed off on it.

Africans are as horny
as anyone in the West,

potentially hornier.
I thought this was a porn play.

The Ghanaian economy
is basically on HGH.

We're buying a footprint,
local expertise,

and we're buying users. Grow or die.

Kid I met at Stanford
knew that in his bones.

What was the thing you said to me

when I pitched at the college,

shaking like a f*cking
chimney sweep's apprentice?

Where do you pick up
these little phrases from?

- I read. What did you say?
- JONAH: No idea.

No, I'll never forget it.
You said, "In America,

your story begins
when you start telling it."

Look, we've obviously hit an impasse

in our relationship, right?

Poor communication. So bring me in,

put me on the ground
where we're expanding.

I just need your blessing

to pursue the vision
for Tender 2.0. That's it.

JONAH: Dude, you want me engaged.

You can't complain when I engage.

I can countenance
your acquisition strategy,

but only if you introduce me
to Tony Day,

if he's our financials guy down there.

I couldn't pick him out of a lineup,

but he's your f*cking lieutenant
down there, for f*ck's sake.

And I want to get rid of the Kraut.

- Can't get rid of the Kraut.
- I know, I know,

- but I like to dream.
- And he's Austrian.

What if we buy the Kraut out?

Market cap is bigger
than IBN Bauer's now.

It was, um, it was vital
that we clear the air,

so that we don't take
our personal bullshit

out on our shareholders.

But you know we can never be a bank.

That's not our story.

I understand.

I, uh...

- I need to head.
- JONAH: I'll keep the tab open.

This dysmorphic TikToker
from Stockholm

is gonna slide into that seat.

She could bring a friend?

Might be fun to hang
à deux. A four? Quatre.

Thanks, but I can't miss this.

[GRUNTS]

I, uh, I really don't think

you should come in hungover tomorrow.

Whit, I have nothing to go home to.

You do know that I love you, right?

I can't believe that I do.

And worse still, love you too.

♪ [SONG CONTINUES
PLAYING IN BACKGROUND] ♪

- ♪ [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- GUEST 1: Vogue's in the room.

GUEST 2: Unless
you're f*ck, fashionable,

or famous, you're basically furniture.

GUEST 3: Apparently
Vogue have a photographer here.

Quick, hide all the rich, White women

before they do something
brave and inclusive.

Hello.

You know what?
I'll come back for that drink.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Have you ever felt alone in a group?

- [HARPER CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
- I'm Whitney.

- Halberstram.
- Harper Stern.

- WHITNEY: Hmm.
- I... I know who you are.

I've seen your face on the org chart

when researching companies
you were in business with.

- Siren?
- Yeah, we're f*cked.

[HARPER CHUCKLING]

My face pinned to a cork board
like a common criminal.

Not quite, but...

Why am I lucky enough
to share a room with you now?

- You know who I am?
- Of course I know who you are.

Um...

I... I know the woman
who's putting on the event.

Same. She's a, uh, dear friend.

- GUEST 3: Hey, Yasmin.
- How are you? Hello.

Hello. So glad
to bring you two together.

HARPER: Hi.

- Nice to see you.
- You look beautiful.

- As always.
- YASMIN: Thank you. Thanks so much.

Whitney, this is Jennifer Bevan,
the new Minister for Industry.

I'm struggling to imagine
how the two of you got friendly?

YASMIN: Well, Henry and Jennifer
really battled it out

in the election,

so I thought the right thing to do

would be to invite her over
for a friendly tea.

- And we like a gab, don't we?
- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

- I thought they'd have me shot and stuffed.
- [WHITNEY CHUCKLES]

I'm sure Lord Norton would think
you'd look great on the wall.

Hmm. Um, this is
Whitney Halberstram from Tender.

It's a pleasure. Yasmin has a habit

of making the right connections
at the right times.

And Henry might be working
with Whitney soon.

- Well, I'd love to meet him.
- Then you should come and visit.

Yeah, once he's shaken off
this little cold.

It's his birthday,

and the house will be
in full festive swing soon.

I imagine that a meeting
with Lord Norton's

pretty high on the agenda

for you
and the new business secretary,

now that you've been given
this role in government.

Well, Lisa isn't one
to kowtow to legacy media.

She's not a ring kisser.

I watched your speech.
I think it's laudable.

It's prompting a reevaluation

of our whole direction as a company.

We have boundless ambition

for what Tender could evolve into.

Actually, as of this morning,

we're no longer affiliated
with Siren or any porn company.

You know, we'd love
a champion in government.

And crucially, in the press.

- GUEST 4: Actually?
- GUEST 5: Yeah, really.

GUEST 4: She treats people like sh*t!

HARPER: Hey.

WHITNEY:
Couldn't take your eyes off me.

Pretty sure you were looking at me.

You wanna come home with me?

Didn't we decide that a long time ago?

- Hayley.
- Hmm?

- WHITNEY: You book us a car?
- Yeah, car's pulled up.

Thanks for sticking around.

[WHITNEY CLEARS THROAT]

I, uh, I need to go to Accra again.

Tell Tony I'll need a few hours.

- No need to diarize.
- Okay. Uh... Oh, also,

the... the girl that I replaced
is looking for a reference.

Is she?

I'm glad to hear
she's back up and running.

What happened to her?

WHITNEY: Uh...

I probably shouldn't say.
She... she had Crohn's.

I paid for her to go private.
Long recovery time.

- Good?
- Yeah. Thank you.

WHITNEY: Get home safe.

[MOANING]

- [MOANS, SCREAMS]
- [GRUNTS]

- [CHUCKLES] Oh my God.
- [WHITNEY GRUNTS]

- [GRUNTS]
- [HARPER GRUNTS]

Did you, uh,
did you enjoy how I f*cked you?

You wanna return the favor?
Do something for me?

I guess. Depends what it is.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Surprise.

Go in my walk-in.

Okay.

Little bit nervous. [CHUCKLES]

WHITNEY: Hey, don't be.

Bottom right, black box.

Open it.

♪ ["TELL ME SOMETHING"
BY TENASHEE PLAYING] ♪

[DRAWER CLICKING, OPENING]

[GASPS]

I guess this still purports
to be a free country. [CHUCKLES]

♪ [MUSIC GROWING LOUDER] ♪

[DIAL TONE RINGING]

HARPER: [OVER PHONE] Harper Stern.

Harper. Hi. My name's Jim Dycker.

- I work at FinDigest.
- How did you get this number?

A source in the city leaked
your gating email to me.

I look at financial fraud.
Look, I'm working on a story

on Siren's now former
payment processor, Tender.

Now, your email
said you were short Siren.

You've been looking
at the wrong company.

I'm gonna have to call you back.

All right, look, I think

these people are capable
of almost anything

to stop someone
looking too closely, all right?

Harper?

All good?

♪ Closer to me Just be part of this ♪

Never better.

- ♪ [MUSIC INTENSIFIES] ♪
- ♪ Take my time ♪

♪ Tell me something ♪

♪ [MUSIC FADING] ♪

Business or pleasure?

Didn't do too well chasing pleasure.

How are your girls?

Yeah, well, you moved
thousands of miles away, so.

Boarding school, huh?

- Maybe that's a justification.
- [DRINK POURING]

I abdicate the responsibility
to an institution.

Could be the story of our lives.

Give everything
to something that kills you.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I'm glad you came.

So what do we call this?

Do we call it a... partnership?

What's stopping us?

Think we're capable
of being that for each other?

You came. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

You called.

What is your angle here, honestly?

Because I can't be a punching bag

for another man's fear.

I sacrificed too much

to sit on the sidelines.

When you're young...

you've got all these ideas

and nowhere... nowhere to put them.

When you're getting
to the end of... of it...

- all you've got...
- ♪ [PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

- ...is...
- Money. [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Yeah. Money.

I want my name on the door.

So do I.

It's really funny
how honest communication

can feel like a f*cking exorcism.

ERIC: [CHUCKLES SOFTLY] Yeah.

The problem with heaven on earth...

is that nobody wants it
when it's here.

♪ [SOFT TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

I was so f*cking drunk, I passed
through drunkenness to like,

this new, elevated level of sobriety.

Then of course somebody
put a f*cking 10:00 AM

in my diary.

- You good?
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

AUTOMATED VOICE: Thirty-sixth floor.

Remember, I wanted
to spare you this indignity.

LOUISA STOECKL: Mr. Atterbury,
if you'd like to sit down.

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪

What are we doing here?
Thanks, I'll... I'll stand.

LOUISA: As you wish.

Whit, what's going on?

WHITNEY: I think
you should take a seat, man.

Mr. Atterbury, we are assembled
here to relieve you

of your position
of Chief Executive Officer.

JONAH: What the f*ck does that mean?

You are in breach of contract.

Despite warnings.

There are several behavioral clauses.

JONAH: Whit, what the f*ck?
What warnings?

LOUISA: "Company reserves the right

to terminate any executive
who acts amorally,

continually,
with seemingly no compunction.

Persistent consumption of narcotics

on company premises.

Persistent state of intoxication
on company premises.

Persistent misuse
of company funds and...

JONAH: Like f*cking what?

- ...misappropriating of expenses."
- Sorry, no, like what?

"The Playpen.
Los Angeles, 2,800 dollars.

Magic City, Atlanta, 4,300 dollars."

Complaint continues.

"General hygiene not befitting status

- of executive function."
- Excuse me?

LOUISA: Your odor, Mr. Atterbury.

Your attire,
your levels of cleanliness.

The board have voted unanimously
for dismissal.

- ♪ [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] ♪
- LOUISA: As a concession,

your equity in the company
remains undiluted,

and at the special request
of Mr. Halberstram,

future dividends
and additional benefits,

healthcare, pension,
remain unchallenged.

[SCOFFS] How f*cking noble.

- Look at me, you as*h*le.
- [BREATHES DEEPLY]

JONAH: f*cking look at my face!

Say something!

f*cking speak to me!

The problem is...

♪ [RHYTHMIC DRUMMING] ♪

I'm not speaking to you, Jonah.

I haven't seen you for some time.

I would like to nominate myself
as interim CEO

while I conduct the search
for a viable candidate.

All in favor?

♪ [DRAMATIC FANFARE MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

WHITNEY: I started laying track

with the new government's
business department.

Our comp is no
longer Stripe or PayPal.

It's not even Chase or Goldman Sachs.

We're going to be
all these things and more.

We're gonna be a bank k*ller.

♪ [DISCORDANT NOTES PLAY
ON HARPSICHORD] ♪

♪ ["MUSIC FOR THE FUNERAL
OF QUEEN MARY" PLAYING] ♪

♪ [DISCORDANT MUSIC OVERLAPPING] ♪

♪ [DRAMATIC SYNTH MUSIC PLAYING] ♪

♪ [MUSIC CONCLUDES] ♪