A Friend of Dorothy (2025)

[bunniefuu]

(clock ticking)

(clock bell chimes)

Well, we all know why we're here.

Do we?

Don't we?

-I don't.

-Do you?

Well, I'm here to...

No - why he's here...

Okay, gentlemen.

Some clarification.

We're all here to discuss

your late grandmother,

Dorothy Pamela Elizabeth Woodley's

estate.

Right, okay, so, again...

Why is he here?

Well, a month ago, Mrs Woodley

updated her final wishes.

Does my dad know about this?

Yes, your father's been informed,

but as you know,

he doesn't live in the country.

-Yes, I'm actually well aware.

-And hasn't for ten years.

Oh, we're keeping a tally.

So, I am the sole executor

of your grandmother's will.

Right, I understand all that, but...

updating it...

now...

all of a sudden...

Bit suspish, no?

I mean...

she was obviously losing her marbles.

I can assure you

that Mrs Woodley's marbles

were very much intact.

Excuse me, Mr Dickie.

Just Dickie.

Sorry, Dickie...

I'm just...

Was just a friend.

I don't... I'm not here to...

Oh, come on,

do you really expect us to believe

-that you're...

-Gentlemen!

Please...

Out of respect for your grandmother,

I suggest that you listen...

very carefully.

(clears throat, sniffs)

"I devise and bequeath my property,

both real and personal

and wherever situated

as follows..."

(light music)

(kettle whistling)

(radio play in background)

-JESSICA: Say it, Tom.

-TOM: I'm also in love with Philip.

-Philip?

-Yes, Philip.

Who's Philip?

Philip, the milkman.

(Dorothy laughs)

I'm so sorry, Jessica.

(Dorothy laughs)

(sighs)

(doorbell ringing)

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

(doorbell ringing)

DOROTHY: I'm coming!

I'm coming!

-Yes?

-Sorry to bother you,

my football went into your garden,

I think.

You think?

Or it did?

I think it did.

It either did, or it didn't.

It sort of went in on an angle,

so it could've gone next door.

I see.

And who's to blame

for this lousy shot?

That would be me.

Could you open a tin of prunes

better than you can kick a ball?

Well, you'd better come in.

You'll have to ignore the mess,

I'm afraid.

Cleaning is not how one intends

to spend one's final days.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

For what?

That you're...

Oh, I'm not dying.

(chuckles)

Well, not just yet.

Though, at 87,

I suspect it won't be too long.

(chuckles)

I suppose at your age,

you don't really think about it.

Well, I don't particularly think

about death much.

It's the getting there

that's tedious.

Go through.

And the thought of having some

stranger have to wipe your...

(cuckoo clock chiming)

Good grief, is it that time already?

(sighs)

I must have these every day,

otherwise, my bowels go into

a complete standstill.

(can opening)

Oh, my!

You're a dream.

I mean, really.

Muscles of steel, look at you.

(chuckles)

Thank you, uh...

JJ.

JJ...

So handsome they named you twice.

(chuckles)

I must get that key...

I rarely use it these days.

Honestly, I don't remember

the last time I went into my garden.

Good job, really,

if random ba*ls keep coming

through my back door.

(poignant music)

DOROTHY: Goodness,

it is overgrown here.

(music swells)

You know, I haven't been out here

for ages.

The birds, do you hear them?

So lovely.

(clattering from other room)

Good grief, is it March already?

Must get some bird seed,

they really do need feeding.

(kettle whistling)

It's mating season, you see.

So they're all just bonking.

(thud)

(music stops)

The birds.

That's all they do.

Bonk.

They've turned my loft

into a knocking shop.

I, I should go.

But I've only just put the kettle on.

Oh...

JJ: Sorry.

One should never apologise

for an interest in literature.

I've been collecting plays for...

goodness, well over 50 years.

My late husband and I always

supported the arts, you see.

Donating to various theatres.

Helping young actors through RADA.

RADA?

The Royal Academy.

Drama school.

The very best there is, actually.

I do drama at school.

Oh, a budding actor.

Oh, no, no, no, it's...

-just a, uh...

-A what?

A hobby.

A hobby?

Knitting's a hobby,

or being a life model.

Oh, although I don't know

why anybody would want

to have their fanny drawn.

But... treading the boards...

It's not something I think about

as a...

you know...

career.

My, my parents want me to be

a footballer.

A footballer?

Like my brother.

(gasps)

The fact that your ball

is currently nestling in my wisteria

doesn't bode well.

I mean, really?

(chuckles)

Read something for me.

-Really?

-Please.

Anything.

That black book, in the middle.

Fetch it.

What's it about?

It follows a group of young men,

in New York, in the 80s,

during that terrible pandemic.

All 'friends of Dorothy'.

Who's Dorothy?

Dorothy, from The Wizard of Oz.

Played by Judy Garland.

You've heard of Judy Garland?

Blimey O'Reilly.

(exasperated laugh)

Oh, okay, well...

In the film, Dorothy has a group

of friends, male friends.

They're all...

a bit...

different.

Right...

Try it from there.

Well, go on.

Finally...

after years of fighting against it...

after a lifetime of shame...

to hold you in my arms...

delighting in his body...

(poignant music)

In your smell...

in my skin...

in your warm breath...

on my shoulder.

I love you,

Henry.

And to know the peace that comes

from finally telling the truth...

about yourself...

about your heart.

f*cking hell.

I've got to go.

Wait a minute!

Wait!

Maybe there's a play you'd like

to borrow?

Good.

It's in your bag.

See you same time tomorrow

for pruning?

I didn't get your name.

(light suspenseful music)

It's Dorothy.

(playful music)

(clock ticking)

(cuckoo clock chiming)

(doorbell rings)

(kettle whistling)

(cuckoo)

(doorbell rings)

She'd come again,

and with a greedy ear,

devour up my discourse.

(cuckoo)

(doorbell rings)

...'twas passing strange,

'twas pitiful.

(cuckoo)

(doorbell rings)

(music swells)

(music grows calmer)

(birds chirping)

(music fades)

(shop door chime)

(music plays in background)

(doorbell rings)

We're not interested.

DOROTHY: Is that you, JJ?

I was just dusting my books.

You need a cleaner, Dozza.

-I keep telling you.

-I don't want somebody

rummaging around my unmentionables.

This is Scott, my grandson.

So, you're a friend of Dorothy?

Ah, uh, uh...

JJ's a gift from the gods.

He's been a huge help to me.

-Oh yeah?

-He wants to be an actor.

I bet he does.

So, you, uh, come round here often?

Every day.

Every day!

Wow!

Besties, then.

More than I can say about you

and your father.

And uh, you have actual friends?

-What?

-You know.

Friends your own age.

What's age got to do with the price

of squid?

It's fish.

What's fish?

You said 'squid'.

Who gives a...

(phone ringing)

Yep.

f*ck me up the bum!

You're actually joking.

Oh, you're not, actually?

Uh, yeah, I'm literally

on my actual way.

-Good news?

-I've got to run.

No more dusting your bloody books.

(kiss)

And uh, think about the place

that shall not be nameth.

(door shuts)

What place is he talking about?

A place one goes to when one can't

wipe one's own arse

anymore.

For your information,

I am not at that stage yet.

But...

you see, JJ, when one gets to my age,

one becomes a... a burden, of sorts.

People don't realise you still have

a soul

that needs to be nourished.

I don't mind being alone.

But I do need company,

and companionship.

Most people my age die alone,

undiscovered,

for weeks, months even.

(chuckles)

My neighbour, Ian, was found naked,

face down in a bowl

of alphabetti spaghetti.

Why was he naked?

I don't really know!

Um, that's neither here nor there.

The point is that after

my husband died,

my son moved to the other side

of the world

to live his life.

And sadly, through the years,

he made...

no space for me in it.

He no longer knows who I truly am.

Maybe he never did.

So, he sends...

dear Scott to fill in the gaps.

I'm nearly 87, JJ,

and having you here,

helping me with my daily comings

and goings,

and I don't just mean my bowels.

(sighs)

No one could possibly imagine

what it means to someone like me.

My...

my body...

(sombre music)

...is failing me.

But my mind...

(sighs)

You've...

made it...

live again.

You see me.

Yes.

That's it.

Perhaps you are the first person...

ever...

truly...

to see me.

And you see me.

(music rises)

(music fades)

"To my son, Peter Woodley,

I give my residential home

at 1 Martlett Avenue, absolutely.

To my grandson, Scott Woodley,

"I give the sum of 50,000."

SCOTT: Oh, thank Christ for that.

Bloody hell, you actually had me

worried there.

God.

Well, go on.

What's he nabbed, then?

"To JJ Bello,

I give my entire play collection,

most importantly,

my copy of The Inheritance

by Matthew Lopez.

Oh, for God's sake, all this bloody

fuss over some dusty old books.

Typical Dozza, always bringing

the theatrics, eh?

Right? Well, if there's nothing else,

I've got to skedaddle.

Nice doing business with you both.

Well, obviously not actual business,

but,

you know...

(door opens)

Thank you.

Oh, JJ, Dorothy left a note

saying you might need to revisit

Act 2, Scene 1.

Whatever that means.

(footsteps)

(door closes)

(poignant music)

(music swells)