♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me
♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me
♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me
♪ Some people say
I'm wasting time
♪ But they don't really know
♪ I like what I see,
I see what I like, yeah
♪ It gives me such a glow
♪ First thing
in the morning,
last thing at night
♪ I look, stare, everywhere,
and I see everything in sight
All right, all right.
All right, all right.
♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me
♪ People say
I'm wasting time, yeah,
but I don't really care
♪ I see what I like,
I like what I see, yeah
♪ It gives me such a glow
♪ Sitting on the back porch,
all by myself
♪ Along came Mary Jane
and with somebody else
♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me
♪ Stop!
♪ Look and listen, baby
♪ That's my philosophy
♪ It's called
rubbernecking, baby
♪ But that's
all right with me ♪
Never
say
no.
Well,
this is Kingman's
defining moment, Marv.
If they win,
they guarantee themselves
a spot in the playoffs.
Everybody get on
the King's back
and I'm going to lead you
to the promised land.
All right?
On one, on one. Ready?
Break!
MAN 1: Go deep.
MAN 2: Watch your left!
Let's go!
Pick him up. Pick him up.
Sanders. Sanders.
[BARKING ORDERS]
Go wide!
Hut-hut!
Hut!
COMMENTATOR 1:
All right, here's Kingman.
Drops back in the pocket.
He's got Sanders wide open
in the end zone.
Kingman is on the run.
He's inside the five.
He stiff-arms.
It's the Kingman swing.
And he is in!
Touchdown, Rebels.
They've won it.
COMMENTATOR 2:
What a tremendous
play by Kingman, Marv.
But I have to wonder,
yesterday he was...
The King does it again!
♪ The warden
threw a party
in the county jail
Go Joe!
Go Joe!
♪ The band was jumping
and the joint began to swing
♪ You should've heard
those knocked out... ♪
Never say no!
Never say no!
Yeah!
[CHEERING]
[RAP MUSIC PLAYING]
WOMAN ON RADIO: WZPZ FM.
Hey, Boston.
Happy New Year.
And a special shout
out to our Rebels.
Don't party too hard, boys.
You're going to
need all your strength to
bring home that championship.
Enjoy your drink.
To us.
Hope it's okay.
I'm telling you guys,
these aren't
the normal onion rings.
They got
garlic and mint leaves.
I mean, like, beluga caviar.
Hey, Coop.
Coop, check it out.
See the hottie?
Oh, yeah.
I think she said
you have a k*ller smile, bro.
I do.
You should go talk to her.
You think so?
I know so. Come on.
Get in there.
Get in there.
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
swamp mouth.
Use some of this.
Chicks dig it.
Webber, you got a pen?
Why?
Because you might want
to take some notes.
[CHATTERING]
What's up?
[SPIKE BARKS]
Webber!
I told you,
they bumped up sh**t.
I have to catch
last flight to Paris.
But Tatianna will miss you.
The King doesn't want
his queen to miss him
too much.
So I got you
a little something special.
[GASPS]
Close your eyes.
Okay.
Tatianna, Tatianna.
Which one? Which one?
No peeking.
Dreams are on
Joe tonight, honey.
Happy New Year.
[EXCLAIMS] Channel?
Or Chanel.
JOE: Whoa, Sanders.
Where you going?
Just past your bedtime?
Yeah, well, you know,
it's New Year's Eve.
Want to go home,
hug the wife, kiss the kids.
All right, thanks for coming.
Happy New Year.
All right, Happy New Year.
All right,
see you at practice.
All right, see you.
All right, Joe.
Come on, it's real funny.
Now, just give me back
the wallet, all right?
I'm looking to confiscate
Sanders' man card,
but his wife, Maria,
has already done it.
Yes, really...
Come on. Get a life, Sanders.
Oh, you call this "life"?
That ain't life, Joe.
Ah, whatever.
He's mad.
That was funny, man.
Who's ready to party?
I am.
ALL: Party!
Yeah!
Where can I get a man card?
[MUSIC PLAYING]
Why?
The night is still young!
We can walk Spike.
Play the guitars, Joe.
Come on.
We were just bonding.
I love that idea.
We're starting to jell.
Call me.
Joe...
We were doing so good.
Hey, Spike. There's my boy.
Haven't seen you all night.
Do you know who the greatest
quarterback of all time is?
Just checking.
Let's go! Huddle up!
[PANTING]
Can you feel it?
Can you smell it?
Do you believe it?
Z-slant Mississippi!
On three. Ready?
Break! Hut! Hut! Hut!
Come on, Spike.
We need a football biscuit.
[SPIKE BARKS]
Oh, that's a good one.
Oh, this is a good one.
Kingman drops back, he's...
Oh, defenders
are coming around.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Post pattern, Spike.
Post pattern.
[SPIKE BARKS]
He throws.
Touchdown!
They're going crazy.
Crazy.
[SIGHS]
Gracias, Rosa.
Enjoy your vacation.
What do you
want to do, Spike?
What do you want to do today?
It's a new year.
You want to play football?
You want to go for a walk?
You want to watch
the new ESPN special
profile on Joe Kingman?
I know you do. Me, too.
Watch. Watch. Here we go.
Attaboy.
Blessed with
crazy strength
and ridiculous agility...
Ridiculous.
...Joe Kingman could have
succeeded on talent alone.
But what really
sets this future
hall-of-famer apart
is his passion for the game.
And no one sums it up
better than Joe himself.
Wait a minute,
that's not what I said.
Listen, listen.
What I said was this. Life...
Life...
...holds many...
...holds many...
...pleasures for me.
...pleasures for me.
But...
But...
...nothing...
...nothing...
...nothing...
...nothing...
...beats the thrill...
...beats the thrill...
...of playing...
...of playing...
...on that field...
...on that field...
...every Sunday.
...every Sunday.
Football is my life.
Football is my life.
Beyond the field...
Beyond the field...
...nothing else matters.
...nothing else matters.
Watch this.
Nothing.
If nothing else
really matters,
why does that
championship ring
elude Kingman?
Some of the experts say
it's because he's too selfish.
I mean, think about it...
[FORWARDING TAPE]
[MOCKING] How does
that sound, Stuey?
Joe, you're
a 30-something now,
not a 20-something.
The clock is ticking, Joe.
Ticking on your career.
Blah, blah, blah...
You come talk to me when
you have your own
action figure, Stuey.
[PHONE RINGING]
Yeah?
LARRY: Pardon me,
Mr. Kingman.
I have a visitor
here at reception.
A Peyton Kelly, sir.
I don't know any Peytons.
A young lady.
Is she cute?
Oh, exceedingly so, sir.
Well, what are you
waiting for, Larry?
Send her up.
He never says "no."
[DOORBELL RINGING]
I am the king.
Thank you very much.
Hmm.
Look out.
Hello.
Huh. Goodbye.
PEYTON: Hey!
Look, kid, I don't do
Girl Scout cookies, okay?
You don't get
abs like these
eating Peanut Butter Patties,
you know?
Go ahead, hit me.
Come on!
Give it a shot.
Come on.
[LAUGHING]
It's ridiculous, isn't it?
Bye-bye.
It's ridiculous.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
I don't know what it is
you're selling.
Look what I have,
here's a hundo.
I don't want any money.
I want...
I know. I know
what you want. I get it.
It's what the world wants.
An autograph of Joe Kingman.
They all want it, eight to 80.
You'll probably go sell it,
but I'm going to give it
to you for free.
Because I'm Joe Kingman,
humanitarian.
Happy New Year.
I'll be right back.
You have a bulldog.
Come here, boy.
You're so cute.
[EXCLAIMING]
Whoa. Easy, easy.
He's a very
vicious attack dog.
Yeah. He's going
to lick me to death.
Listen, you just
can't come walking into
strangers' homes like this.
There are a lot of
weirdos out there
in the world.
Didn't your mom
ever teach you that?
Yeah.
Well, where is she?
On an airplane.
On an airplane?
Well, who are you
here with?
My father.
Well, you better go get him,
because I'm sure
he's looking for you.
He's not looking for me.
How do you know?
Because he's looking at me.
What?
Hi, we've never met before.
You were married
to my mom, Sara.
Sara Kelly?
My name is Peyton.
I'm your daughter.
[EXHALES]
No. No. Nope. No!
No. Time out.
Sara and I never had a kid.
She wrote you a note.
Wrote me a note.
[SCOFFS]
"Joe, I know
this is a big surprise,
but Peyton is your daughter.
"I need you to
watch her for a month.
"It's an emergency.
"I'll explain everything
when I get back. Sara."
You sure got
a lot of pictures
of yourself in here.
You expect me to believe
you're my kid, based on this?
Anybody could
have written this.
[JOE SCOFFS]
Oh, yeah.
I've also got this.
It's my birth certificate.
Birth certificate?
Your name is on it.
[CHUCKLING] My name is...
My name?
Awesome!
ELECTRONIC VOICE:
Ready? Break!
My name's not on this.
"Joseph Kingman."
[SPEED-DIALING]
Hut! Hut! Hut!
We've got a situation.
Touchdown!
Fix it.
Oh.
Don't you think
you should have
told me about this?
I didn't know.
You didn't know
you had an ex-wife?
That was a long time ago.
We were crazy in love,
but too young.
Didn't even last
longer than a year,
and we never had a baby.
Okay, but for
argument's sake,
is there the teeniest,
tiniest possibility that
this child could be yours?
Think hard.
[STAMMERING]
I don't know.
We got the separation,
the divorce was final,
she came by to pick up
a few of her things
and then we...
[STUTTERING] We...
Is anyone else hungry?
Hungry? Ooh.
Joe...
When did this, "We... We...
Is anyone else hungry" happen?
About eight, nine years ago.
How old are you, kid?
Eight.
Congratulations, Joe.
This isn't happening to me.
[SPIKE WAILING]
Muffin, just talk to
your Auntie Stella. Hmm?
It says here that your
mom is not coming back
for a month.
She's on her way to Africa.
What kind of a selfish,
self-centered person
dumps their kid...
She's on
a water sanitation project
bringing fresh drinking water
to the drought-ravaged
children of the Sudan.
If I had a dime
for every time
I heard that one.
So on her way
to save the world,
your mom just
suddenly decided
to leave you here?
I begged her.
I said,
"Well, why don't I
stay with my father?"
And she said, "Well, baby,
he doesn't know about you
yet."
And I said...
I get it. I get it.
So, who else
can you stay with?
I got it. I got it.
I'm a genius.
Sara has a sister.
Um...
Goombah, Grip, Grime...
Uh, Carmen!
Karen.
Karen. What about her?
She's, um...
She's dead.
Oh, that's convenient.
What?
How do we get in touch
with your mom?
Her cell won't
work in Kassala.
Email?
They don't have
Internet there.
How did you get here again?
We flew to Boston together,
and then she put me in a car.
And the car just
magically dropped you
off at some man's house?
Not some man. My father.
So you say.
Want a paternity test?
Yes. That's a great idea.
Let's do that. No problem.
I don't like needles.
So if they don't
take blood, no problem.
Not in
the middle of negotiating
our Fanny's deal, it's not.
These things never
stay quiet, trust me.
If she does turn out
to be yours,
you'll look like a guy
who had a kid and ditched her
and you can kiss
your mega-bucks goodbye.
Stella.
Hmm.
We don't even look alike.
Oh, no. Not at all.
Thanks a lot for
the heads up, Larry.
Hey, I told you
she was cute.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
I'm late.
[GULPS]
Let's go. No huddle.
No back seat.
So what? Get in the car.
If you get in an accident,
the air bag will hurt me.
Oh, come on,
I don't have time
for the safety lesson, please!
Come here.
[HORNS HONKING]
So late.
I've got four weeks
to make up for eight years,
so let's get started,
shall we?
I'm going to ask you
some questions
and you're going to give me
some answers, okay?
Now, for example,
if you asked me
what my favorite thing to
do was, I would say ballet.
So what's your
favorite thing to do?
That's easy. Play football.
Football.
[HONKS HORN] Come on!
If you could only save
one thing in a fire,
what would it be?
My Heisman.
No, wait... I know.
My limited edition
Joe Kingman sneakers.
Come on, horseradish.
No more questions.
Just one more question.
What's the best thing
that's ever happened to you?
Listen, I got
a question for you.
Why didn't your mom
just bring you here herself?
Want a cookie?
No, I don't want a cookie.
Stop trying to change
the subject.
But you said you were hungry.
And I made them
special for you.
Fine, fine.
Now, about your mom.
I told you,
it was last-minute.
I just can't believe
that the Sara I knew
would just let her daughter
show up at my doorstep alone.
[COUGHS]
I know what happened.
You do?
Yeah.
[COUGHING]
She's gained a lot of weight.
No.
What's she pushing now?
About 180?
Deuce?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[SLURRING] Let's go.
What do you think,
you're some roaming
free safety or something?
This is "cover-two,"
little lady, so stay close.
Are you okay?
Do I sound okay?
What did you put
in those cookies?
Milk, flour,
eggs and cinnamon...
Cinnamon!
Cinnamon?
I'm allergic to cinnamon.
Oh, I'm sorry.
All you got to say is,
"I'm sorry"?
I sound like this,
"I'm sorry"? Cinnamon!
I'm allergic to nuts.
Joe. Joe, don't forget
I got that publicity sh**t
set up for you today.
You have to be
there this time.
I'll be there.
What do you think,
I'm stupid or something?
Stop touching me.
Stop eating so much.
You're late, Joe.
That's a $500 fine.
Start a tab.
Hey, sorry.
Excuse me. Sorry.
King's here, Danville.
I got it. King's here.
Get a submarine sandwich
and a diet soda.
All right, let's go.
Sixty-six seam, slot left
on three, on three. Ready?
[SLURRING] Suffering
succotash, Sylvester,
something seems to be
wrong with your mouth.
I said sixty-six,
slot seam left on three.
On three. Ready?
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey, Joe. Looks like
you got a rogue fan.
I'm not a fan.
I'm Joe's daughter.
What's everybody staring at?
I didn't know
Joe had a kid.
Yo, I don't think
Joe knew Joe had a kid.
Whoa.
Stay here.
[SLURRING] Yes, sir.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
[MUMBLES]
Hat.
Give me this!
Here's what you got
to read right there.
You all set?
Here we go.
And three, two, one... Go!
Boston Rebels!
Experience the heat!
[BEEPING]
Boston Rebels!
Catch the magic.
Boston Rebels!
Feel the...
Wait a minute.
Who writes this?
[CHUCKLES]
Hey, let's get Joe.
He won't be expecting it.
We'll put ice in his bath.
Coop, look.
Look real close.
Joe is in an ice bath.
Well, we'll put
colder ice in it.
Glove.
Yeah.
Webber, think about this.
Big surprise, eh, Kingman?
More like a safety blitz.
Yeah, well,
you should be happy.
I remember
how happy I was
when my kids were born.
JOE: Yeah, but you knew
they were coming.
Yeah, well, either way,
she's here now.
What's your name,
sweetheart?
Peyton.
Peyton, that's cute.
Hi, Peyton.
Hi.
Oh, that's cool. Like...
Like, Peyton Manning?
No, dude. It's like
Walter Payton, right?
No. Peyton Rous.
Who's that?
He won the Nobel Prize.
For what team?
In medicine.
He's not even
a football player.
That's stupid.
"Stupid" is a mean word.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
No, it isn't.
Yes, it is.
Isn't.
Is!
Isn't.
Is!
JOE: Quiet. Both of you.
[GROWLS]
Step away from my pants.
Awkward.
Hey, sweetie, it's okay.
See, those are Monroe's
very special underwear.
You see, he needs
to wear them every game,
or he thinks we won't win.
Oh.
[JOE CHATTERING ON TV]
Hey,
I'm on SportsCenter again.
I'm hungry.
[CLEARS THROAT] Please
don't touch anything.
Stand right here.
Tonight's Tuesday.
We're going to carbo-load.
What?
Hey, do you
have any Jell-O?
I want some Jell-O.
[CLEARS THROAT] Like I said,
please don't touch.
Fingerprints.
I don't like fingerprints.
Stand right here,
don't do anything.
I'm not giving you 28 grams
of empty carbohydrates.
We do not do simple
sugars in this house.
But I'm a kid
and kids love sugar.
I mean,
the simpler the better.
Well, my dad never
let me have sugar.
Oh, is that why
you never smile?
Mmm.
[SLURPING]
Listen, you better eat
your food before it gets cold.
But it's as big
as a mountain.
Listen, if you're going to
make the pros, you have to
get your appetite up.
Let's go. Eat.
You got a little...
A little
something right here.
What?
I got what?
I'm going to go
and wash the dishes.
You can eat.
And finish eating.
I don't have a guest room
because I don't like guests.
But you can sleep here.
What's this?
That is a universal remote.
It controls the world.
And you don't
need to touch it.
What's
the "romance" button for?
The romance button
is for a little
Valentine's Day magic.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]
Whoa, whoa, turn...
Turn this off. Turn it off.
Turn it off.
[LAUGHING]
Turn it off.
Press the button.
Turn it off.
[MUSIC STOPS]
[MACHINERY WHIRRING]
Stop touching things.
Aren't you going to tell me
a bedtime story?
Bedtime story...
Bedtime story.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Yeah.
The Big Bad Wolf
blew down
the Grammy's house
and ate the Goldilocks
and then
there was something
about the porridge.
The end.
Good night.
I mean a real
bedtime story, Joe.
[SIGHS]
A bedtime story is supposed
to make you feel peaceful.
I'll show you.
Lean back, relax,
and listen to the story.
Fine. Fine. I'm going to
listen to this one time,
then that's it.
Then you go to sleep.
Do you understand me?
Once upon a time
there was a princess
and she had a lot
of beautiful dresses.
She had a pink dress,
a red dress,
a blue dress,
a green dress,
a purple dress,
an orange dress,
a yellow dress...
I get it. I get it. I get it.
A lot of dresses,
a lot of colors.
So what?
So each dress
had a secret power.
The pink dress, which had
pink sparkles all over it,
could make her fly.
And the blue dress, which had
blue sparkles all over it,
could make her tiny.
And the green dress,
which had green sparkles
all over it,
could make her sleep.
[SIGHS]
[SNORING]
[SNORING]
Whoa!
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hey, baby.
Why didn't you answer me
when I called?
I was starting
to get worried.
I'm sorry.
I forgot I had my phone
turned off from the flight.
Well, I'm just happy
that you got there safely.
So, how's it going?
Great.
Well, the food's not
so hot, but my room is huge.
Well, that's very cool,
but how's the ballet?
I mean, is it as good
as they promised?
Too soon to tell.
Hey, listen, sweetie,
it's almost time for
my flight to take off,
but I will call you
as soon as I can, okay?
I miss you so much already.
E-mail me lots of pictures.
And Peyton, I love you.
I love you, too. Bye.
[CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
[GASPS]
Is there a ballet school
close by?
[GROANS]
[SIGHS]
Spike?
Why is my dog in a dress
with pink nail polish?
He's learning Swan Lake.
[SIGHING]
Do you know how to
fix a ballerina bun?
Do I look like I know
how to fix a ballerina bun?
[CRACKING KNUCKLES]
My mom says we're not
supposed to pop our knuckles.
Well,
your mom didn't
sleep on a hard sofa
instead of her
specially designed
$10,000 orthopedic bed
made by Dr. Johan Gustavo,
of Switzerland.
[CRACKS KNUCKLES]
What's...
What's with the Beethoven?
It's Tchaikovsky.
Do you listen to
this every morning?
No.
Sometimes I listen to
Bach, or Rachmaninoff...
[EXCLAIMING]
Do you have an iPod?
Because I'm
going to buy you one.
Immediately. Right now.
I'm going to
buy you an iPod.
[GROANING]
Until then...
Whoa...
[GROANING]
What is this?
My Bedazzler.
Doesn't Camille look pretty?
A Bedazzler?
And that's why I use
tuna for protein and flavor.
Gross.
Mmm.
Little liquid chickens.
[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]
Yeah, that's my favorite.
Joe's juice.
Okay. That's enough.
I'm gonna need you
to drink up.
You'll be running the 40
in under 4.5 in no time.
[EXCLAIMS]
That smells worse
than school food.
You know,
speaking of school,
why aren't you in it?
Um, I'm on break.
In January? No you're not.
Yes, I am.
I go to a magnet school,
so I have January off.
Really?
Well, guess what?
I'm not on break.
As a matter of fact,
I'm on the opposite
of break.
So I'm gonna need you
to come over here,
put some hustle in it,
and drink your breakfast.
Peyton, stop messing around.
What?
Peyton!
No!
[SCREAMING]
[SPIKE BARKING]
Nice.
That's real nice.
You know what a playbook is?
I'm guessing it's
a book with plays?
Oh, I get it.
The Xs are for kisses
and the Os for hugs.
Wrong! The X's mean
"stay out of these
areas of the house."
The O's mean "open access."
For example, you want
to go to the kitchen,
straight buttonhook.
But now you go
to the kitchen, big X.
Uh, off limits. No access.
Can't go there,
because you made
a mess in the kitchen.
Do you understand?
No trick plays,
no flea-flickers. Got it?
Got it. No flea-flickers.
This is your game plan.
Learn it. Live it. Love it.
[WHISTLE BLOWING]
COACH: That's it, boys.
Practice is over.
Pick a nanny, Joe.
I'll take the one at...
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't you
think you should ask
some questions first?
I've got great instincts.
The one on the end, Stella.
Edna.
The other end, Stella.
Blondie, you're up.
[EXCLAIMING]
Oh, no. No.
The King picked me!
We are going to be
just like sisters!
Oh, my goodness.
You start tomorrow.
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Hey. You're going to
the opening tonight, right?
It's my restaurant.
Oh...
Well, what are you
going to do with her?
I don't know.
[CROWD CHEERING]
♪ Oh, baby, baby,
don't stop ♪
Hi. Hello.
Welcome, Mr. Kingman.
The Maloofs!
About time, there, Joe.
You made it. Have fun.
Yeah.
Enjoy yourself.
Hey, Joe.
Hey, man.
How you doing?
Hey.
Jo Jo!
Hey, nice to see you.
JOE: Hey, everything's on
Joe tonight.
[LAUGHING]
And that's exactly
what I said. I told them.
I said,
"Listen, I'm the greatest."
The purple or the yellow?
Hmm.
Mmm?
Mmm.
That's what I
was thinking, too.
I'll be back.
Water the lawn.
Water the lawn.
Hey, great night,
Mr. Kingman.
Indeed it was, Jay.
Indeed it was.
MAN: Hey, Joe! This way!
Number one on the field
and number one in your heart.
[MY GIRL PLAYING ON RADIO]
♪ I've got sunshine
♪ On a cloudy day
Yes, I do.
♪ When it's cold outside
♪ I've got the month of May
♪ I guess you'd say
♪ What can make me
♪ ...feel this way
♪ My girl
Joe?
♪ My girl
♪ Talking about my girl ♪
My girl... Peyton!
[HONKING HORN]
Joe?
Joe. Joe, where are you?
There you are.
Joe, I thought
you forgot about me.
Peyton! Peyton! Peyton!
MAN: Hey, Joe,
is that your daughter?
Peyton!
Hey, Joe,
you forget something?
MAN: Father of the year!
Yesterday,
Fanny's Burgers
agreed to hand out
your action figure
with every order of fries.
But do you think
they're going to
want a spokesman
who forgot his child
in a bar? Hmm?
My mom says that
Fanny's makes kids
fat and gives them gas.
Well, your daddy's agent
says Fanny's makes him
fat with cash.
Now, I have to put together
a press conference,
do some cleanup.
I'm the janitor,
Joe's the mop,
and Peyton's the mess.
What?
[LAUGHING]
Something funny, Larry?
Just a little
throat tickle, sir.
Well, get it fixed.
Right here. Chop-chop.
You got a station wagon,
Stella?
[CHUCKLES] No, you did.
Say "bye-bye" to being
the Big Bad Dad of Boston.
Oh, no.
Oh, yes.
[PEOPLE CLAMORING]
You want me to sign that?
Peyton,
sweetie, be a good girl
and cooperate with your daddy
and Auntie Stella will get you
a nice new BlackBerry
with a Bluetooth.
And an upgrade on your next
international flight.
I'm eight.
Listen,
Bratty McPain-in-the-Butt,
you will do
whatever it takes
to help your father.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'll pay for the therapy.
Listen, Peyton,
what Stella's trying
to say here is
this right now
is crunch time.
So, if something's
bothering you,
then all you got to do...
Let's keep it bottled up
until after the playoffs.
Fine.
On one condition.
No nanny.
[SCOFFS] No way.
Hey...
Let's go. Come on.
I'm feeling
a little dizzy, Joe.
Everything's all...
Whoo...
Dizzy?
I think it might be
from that funny
yellow soft drink
Joe gave me last night.
What was it called again?
[MUMBLES]
Margarita?
You wouldn't.
You wouldn't.
Try me.
[EXCLAIMING]
Good morning, Joe.
I'm ready to start!
Hey, Cindy!
You're fired.
Bye.
[REPORTERS CLAMORING]
Joe! Joe!
Hey, Joe,
how can you
remember the plays
when you can't remember
you have a daughter?
Joe, what is an 8-year-old
girl doing in a nightclub
at 3:00 in the morning?
Thank you.
Thank you guys
so much for coming out.
Ladies and gentlemen.
Ladies and gentlemen,
thank you so much for coming.
Great questions, by the way.
Thank you.
Uh...
As you all know by now,
I've recently learned
I'm a father.
And clearly,
I'm still getting
the hang of things.
MAN: That's not
an excuse, Joe.
But you better believe that
Peyton's nightclub evenings
are behind her.
Because from now on,
we're both going to be
going to sleep early, right?
[CHUCKLES]
Now, who's number one
on the field
and number one in your heart?
Let's go.
Can I say something,
please?
No. Let's go.
Hi, everybody, I'm Peyton,
the one
who'll be going to
bed early from now on.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[CLEARS THROAT]
My dad didn't
have much of a heads-up
on this whole father thing
and he is still
getting the hang of things.
But it's like
everything else in his life.
He never says "no."
I mean, he's teaching me
that you can do anything
if you've got motivation
and determination.
And the place
where that starts
is right here, in the heart.
You're the world's
greatest father.
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
That was good.
That was really good.
It's going to cost you.
[GIGGLING]
MONIQUE: ...two,
three, four, grand plie...
There you go, there you go.
And...
Come on, this isn't a sport.
Football. Football's a sport.
Excuse me.
Hi. Can I help you?
Hello. This is Peyton.
Hi.
And she's here for this.
So, I guess I'll be back
in a couple of hours. Bye.
Well, class started
and we don't accept students
without an audition
and that happened last month,
so I'm really sorry.
I'm sure maybe we can
work something out?
Money's no object,
as you probably know.
Okay,
the thing is that this is
a professional school, and...
That's very nice.
Thank you.
Go change,
go on, go change.
Let me see
how she does today. Okay?
All right.
[GIRL SCREAMS]
[JOE CLEARS THROAT]
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
Maybe I'll...
I'll try and...
We'll get somebody...
The moms sit over there.
[CLEARS THROAT] Excuse me.
Thank you.
[SPEAKING FRENCH]
And one, two,
three, very long...
Come on, come on.
And one, two, three, four.
Open up,
like a princess, chin up.
Thank you.
Beautiful class, everybody.
Beautiful.
Peyton, come here.
Can I tell you that
that was so, so good.
Thank you.
Our next big performance
is in three weeks.
But if you promise me that
you're going to work extra,
extra, super, super, hard,
we'd love to have you.
I'll come
every single day.
All day, every day.
Well, it is a ballet school,
not a childcare facility.
And when we make a commitment
to a student,
we ask that the parents
make a commitment
to the school.
Can you do that?
Well, I think you can make
a little exception for me.
And why is that?
You don't know who I am?
No.
[CHUCKLING]
I'm Joe Kingman, baby!
The quarterback of
the Boston Rebels.
Number one on that field
and number one
in your pretty little heart.
"The King of the Gridiron."
"Never-Say-No Joe?"
No? Nothing?
Odd.
Well, don't you know
who I am?
No.
I'm Monique Vasquez,
the lady with
the ballet school,
the one that doesn't accept
any new students full-time
unless she knows
for a fact
that the parents
are going to help out.
That's fine. Fine.
I promise. Whatever.
Let's go.
Who doesn't know
who Joe Kingman is?
She must be
living under a rock.
MAN ON TV: Raef will
take it this time.
He shoots! Come on!
Got it.
Yeah!
[EXCLAIMING]
I didn't see what happened
to Paul Pierce.
We'll be right back
after a word from our...
Let's go, Paul!
I can't believe
they came from 10 down.
Hey, keep this clean.
Use the napkins.
Don't look at me like that.
Use a napkin.
Yeah, you tell him.
You tell him, Spike.
Mean old Daddy.
Let's get Webber.
Hmm.
Webber, you want a soda?
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, thanks.
Oh...
[ALL LAUGHING]
Oh, that's refreshing.
Good one.
What's up, Joe?
I don't know, Coop.
What do you think?
That's a $40,000 couch.
I asked you to be careful!
Which bathroom should I use?
The one off the trophy room.
[SPIKE BARKS]
COOPER: Come on, Pierce!
Paul Pierce comes down
with the board.
WEBBER: The man's a beast.
You saw that, Joe.
You saw that.
That's why the Celtics
are my team for life.
Celtics got
this one locked up.
Hold on, hold on...
[MAN CHATTERING ON TV]
Wait a second.
Wait a minute.
Little bit more.
[GROWLING]
Oh, stop growling. Hold on.
One, two, three.
What did I do?
JOE: Let's go, Paul Pierce.
Time to come through.
Okay, here we go, baby.
Here we go.
Three seconds left.
[ALL CLAMORING]
GIRL ON TV: Welcome to
the Magical World of Ponies.
What happened?
Get it back! Get it back!
Get the game back!
Get the mechanicals!
The mechanicals.
The mechanicals, Joe!
[POP MUSIC PLAYING]
Ah, what are you doing?
I'm trying! I'm trying!
It's right there. See?
MAN ON TV: Unbelievable!
Oh... We missed it!
You gotta celebrate.
Peyton.
What did I do?
Thanks, Joe.
Let's go, guys.
Wait. Where are you going?
You don't have to leave.
Where are you guys going?
I got to get home to...
Where?
Nothing.
[DOOR OPENS]
[DOOR CLOSES]
What did I tell you
about touching the remote?
Bath. Bed. Now.
Just got to add
a little bit of bubble bath.
Not too much. That's good.
[CHUCKLES] Perfect.
This could take a while.
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
MAN ON TV: But what
really sets this future
Hall of Famer apart...
Passion for the game.
[SPIKE BARKING]
Spike, you know the rule,
no barking when I'm on TV!
Spike!
[BARKING]
Spike?
What happened?
Spike.
Peyton?
Peyton! Peyton!
[SIGHS] Peyton!
[SPIKE BARKING]
I'm not going to yell.
We're going to
have a very calm
[CLEARS THROAT]
and rational discussion
about all...
You Bedazzled my football.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
[SPIKE SNORING]
You guys comfortable?
My pillow.
[GROANS]
King on the couch!
This is ridiculous.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]
Never
say...
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
No! No!
I have to warm up.
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
I have to practice.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
I have a playoff
game this weekend.
Do you...
Do you know
what that means?
[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
My guess is that it means
you have a playoff game
this weekend.
[SLOW MUSIC PLAYING]
My dog, my bed, my car,
my TV, my stereo...
Is nothing sacred?
[MUMBLING]
My towel! My towel.
This is all mine!
It's all me!
It's all mine!
This is all me!
This is my towel.
MARV: Hi, everybody,
I'm Marv Albert,
along with Boomer Esiason.
We're here in
the Mile High City
where Denver hosts Boston
in the first
round of the playoffs.
In what should be
a tremendous showdown.
We have a rematch of
last year's Conference Final
in which Denver
narrowly escaped
with a 34-30 victory.
MARV: He has the tight
end screen, he side-arms it.
The catch made by Cooper.
Cooper on the run,
picks up a blocker.
And now,
directing traffic...
Nice cut.
Cooper down the sideline!
And he's bounced
out of bounds!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
Yeah! I did it again!
Oh, our boy
looks great today.
Ah, he's going to
look even greater
lounging poolside
at the new Blake resort.
Let's just see
how many Fanny's
kiddie meals he sells first.
Fanny.
Do you work at
Fanny's Burgers?
I own Fanny's Burgers,
honey.
My mom says...
[EXCLAIMS]
I mean, my dad says
your chili cheese fries rock.
Yeah, they do! They rock.
Come on! Kick it!
MARV: Kingman
out of the g*n,
takes a look.
He has Sanders wide open.
He's not going that way.
BOOMER: Marv, I've never seen
a quarterback who doesn't
trust his wide receivers
with a game on
the line like this.
Touchdown! It's all over!
Boston has defeated Denver.
All on the legs
of Joe Kingman,
[LAUGHING]
Boston advances
to next week's
divisional playoffs
for the second year in a row.
Now, will this
be the year the King
takes them all the way?
Peyton, are you okay?
Why are you still here?
I guess Joe's running
a little bit late
from practice.
What, two hours late?
That's unacceptable.
Come on, sweetie. Let's go.
JOE: Hey, King.
[LAUGHING]
No, I'm the king.
You're the king.
[IMITATING] Don't do it,
Elvis! Don't jump.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Mr. Kingman?
Oh, no. Peyton.
Hey.
Yeah, I guess practice ran
a little longer than expected.
Thanks, Bo.
Mr. Kingman,
we need to talk about...
You know what?
Why don't you
just call me Joe?
[LAUGHING] Stop it. Stop it.
Mr. Kingman,
I informed you from the start
that we are a ballet school,
not a daycare center.
Yeah! I got that.
Mental note.
I'm glad you told me.
Now I know.
Ballet school,
not a daycare facility.
Sure,
let me hook you up
for your time, though.
Peyton, go grab a hundo
out of my bag.
It's in my wallet,
around the corner.
[CHUCKLES]
I just knew you were
one of those parents.
One of what parents?
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
The kind who thinks that
his life is more important
than anybody else's.
Look, lady.
I don't know what
kind of parent I am.
All I know is
I have an entire team...
Scratch that,
an entire city
depending on me.
Yeah, you also have
a daughter depending on you
not to only take care of her,
but to care about her. Okay?
Listen, I care about Peyton.
Then prove it!
I got it.
Hey, sweetie!
Your father here
was telling me
how excited he is
to finally fulfill
the commitment he made
to support the school.
And guess what?
I've got the perfect job
for him.
Cool.
No, no, no.
Absolutely not.
You're completely insane.
[SIGHS] You're
a freakishly large man
and you're telling me
you're incapable
of playing a tree? Come on.
No, what I'm telling you is
I am a serious athlete.
Not a ballerina.
You do me a favor, mamita?
Can you please hold this
for me?
Thank you so much.
Trust me, no one is ever
going to confuse you
with a ballerina, okay?
And now,
I need you to be
an enchanted tree...
I'm not going to be
an enchanted tree.
I'm a quarterback!
I'm the only one
that talks.
♪ Whether it's
rock and roll and old soul
♪ Don't matter
♪ Disco, calypso
♪ Don't matter
♪ Break dance, slam dance
♪ Don't matter
♪ Do the jerk
until it hurts
I'm telling you
♪ Telling you
[EXCLAIMS]
Up!
[GROANS]
[EXCLAIMS]
♪ Shake it,
shake it, shake it ♪
...around and...
Oh, my God, no, no...
[GROANING]
Please, come over here.
Wasn't so bad.
We're just warming up,
so come on.
[PANTING]
[WHEEZING]
Hey, so what were you saying
about ballet not being
a real sport?
[CLEARS THROAT]
Hmm?
It wasn't...
It wasn't so bad.
You see,
ballerinas can leap
as high as you can,
but when they go down,
they go down in plie.
And they hold and hold.
And then they go en pointe
for hours and hours.
So, if ballet were easy,
they'd call it football.
Yeah. Right.
Yeah, right.
Listen, Mr. Kingman,
your daughter
has all the makings
to be a professional dancer.
She has passion,
talent, discipline.
[GIGGLES]
I guess she inherited
more than just your charm.
You see?
Let's try that one again.
Oh.
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[ALL GROAN]
Where were you last night?
You missed a great fight.
Hey, man,
you look like
you were in a fight.
I was doing some stuff.
Well,
you could've called.
You never call anymore.
Dude, stop being
such a chick.
Never thought someone
so little could be
so much work, huh?
You don't know
the half of it.
[GROANS]
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hello?
KAREN: Hi!
Listen, I finally got
to a phone.
I want you
to tell me everything.
I don't know where to start.
How about those pictures
you promised me?
E-mail me right now.
I have to see you.
Okay, hold on.
[TAPPING KEYS]
I just sent them.
You're breaking up.
I love you.
Wait, wait.
No, no, Peyton! Honey...
Ah, I love you, too.
[GROANS IN FRUSTRATION]
We need to talk. Follow me.
[SIGHS]
I need my bed back.
Wow! That is awesome!
I love it!
Love it. I love this room.
This is awesome.
[EXCLAIMING]
It's beautiful.
Thanks, Joe.
You're welcome.
Look, P, you know the whole
"playbook for the house"
thing?
No more buttonhooks
in the kitchen.
Right. No more buttonhooks.
You see,
the quarterback is
supposed to know the playbook
better than anybody.
But you and I,
you've been playing
kid your entire life.
I just joined the dad team,
and I'm still learning
all these plays.
No kidding.
All right.
Listen,
sometimes a quarterback
has got to think on his feet
and call an audible, okay?
And...
Um...
Here, this.
[CLEARS THROAT]
When the linebackers
are creeping up to blitz
[CHUCKLES]
and all of a sudden
you've got to call an audible
to change the play,
and you go around
and you score!
He scores.
[SIGHS]
All right,
it's kind of like,
just like in life.
Sometimes things get
thrown at you unexpectedly.
Then you got to call
an audible.
You got to learn on the go.
Just like us. Okay?
Okay.
Number one on the field,
and number one in your heart.
Now, number one
on your toothbrush.
That's funny.
My teeth are really white.
Ding!
That's ridiculous.
No, that's not.
That's awesome.
[CHATTERING ON TV]
Joe?
Yeah?
What's the best thing
that's ever happened to you?
[MACHINE BEEPS]
Well, I...
VOICE ON MACHINE:
You have one incoming message.
Hold that question,
all right?
JOE ON MACHINE:
This is the King.
Do your thing.
Hey, baby, it's Tatianna.
Ah.
I'm in Boston.
I be there 6:00.
[BLOWS KISS]
[CHUCKLING] Oh, Tatianna!
Tatianna's coming at 6:00.
I got plenty of time!
It's 5:45!
Who's Tatianna?
Ah, I got 15 minutes.
Who's Tatianna?
Uh, listen, she's a friend.
I'm gonna need you
to clean up all this.
Take all this,
take it down, and...
Hide it in your room.
And you go, too.
And you play hide-and-seek
with that, and just make sure
they're all gone.
♪ Tatianna,
I feel my temperature rising
♪ Ah, it's hot ♪
[HUMMING]
PEYTON: Is Tatianna
your girlfriend?
[SCREAMS]
[GROANING]
Do you mind?
No, no, no, no, maybe, yes.
Hi, you must be Melanie.
Joe has told me
so much about you!
I'm Tatianna. What are you?
Peyton. Joe's daughter.
Joe's daughter?
Mmm-hmm.
How old are you anyway, four?
How old are you, 40?
I'm 21.
Are you Joe's
long-lost daughter, too?
[SPIKE BARKS]
Joe!
Bonsoir, Tatianna.
Baby, welcome back!
You look tres... Gorgeous!
I know.
I see you've already met...
[STUTTERING]
Peyton.
Peyton, yes.
I don't know
what she's told you.
'Cause she has
such a wild imagination.
Either way,
we have a lot
to discuss over dinner.
Where are we eating?
You are going to eat over
at the Jensens',
across the hall.
[CHEERING] It's just like
a restaurant over there.
Only not so much.
[EXCLAIMING]
We going to miss you
at dinner tonight.
It was a shock at first,
but nothing's changed.
Mmm-hmm.
Nothing's changed.
Is your coat Bedazzled?
Peyton.
Wait a minute.
I'm still Joe.
Still the king.
You drive station wagon.
[LAUGHING]
What?
A station wagon?
That's not my car.
Somebody's fired.
I'm Joe Kingman
and somebody's fired.
Mr. Kingman, wait!
Mr. Kingman.
What?
I'm sorry,
but I guess Peyton's
allergic to our dog.
Oh, she's allergic to the dog.
She's allergic to the dog.
Oh, really? Well you're
not allergic to Spike.
[IMITATING SNEEZING]
Excuse me.
Bed. Now.
I'm not even tired.
Well, I am. Go to bed.
To think you
walked out on my mom
just to hang around
with the sorry likes of that.
What did you just say?
To think you walked out...
I didn't walk
out on your mom.
She walked out on me.
Oh, really?
Because she said
you were self-centered.
And selfish.
And that everything
always had to be about you.
She said your head
was so swollen,
she was surprised
they made a helmet
big enough to fit.
She said that?
And more.
[SCOFFS] You know,
it's all coming back to me.
Of course. Everything.
All the talking
and the arguing
and the complaining.
And you know what?
You're just like her!
Oh, yeah?
Yeah!
You think you're right
about everything!
Just like her!
What else?
You scrunch your nose
when you get angry
just like her!
Keep it coming.
You're always working on me
with those big brown eyes...
Well, I actually like that,
it's really cute.
But it doesn't matter,
because it's just like her!
Is that all you got?
And then you get inside
people's minds,
and you drive them crazy!
Just like her!
Well, at least I got a mind,
because if I didn't,
I'd be just like you!
Well, I'm lucky, because
as far as I'm concerned,
you are nothing like me!
Good! Because
I am sick of it here.
What do you want from me?
[SCREAMING]
Don't turn your back
on me, little lady.
Tell me what you want!
My mom!
[SPIKE WHIMPERING]
Hey, open the door.
[SPIKE BARKS]
Thanks a lot, Spike.
[SPIKE BARKS]
Traitor.
Any advice?
JOE: ♪ Are you
lonesome tonight
♪ Do you miss me tonight
♪ Are you sorry
we drifted apart
[SPIKE HOWLS]
♪ Does your memory stray
♪ To a bright sunny day
♪ When I kissed you
♪ and called you sweetheart
♪ I wonder why I am
♪ Singing this for
♪ When you will not even
♪ Open the door
I don't want to see you.
Well, how about
you open the door
with your eyes closed?
[SPIKE BARKS]
[SIGHS]
See, that wasn't so bad.
♪ Is your heart
filled with pain
♪ Shall I come back again
♪ Tell me dear
♪ Are you lonesome tonight
♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa
♪ Won't you open your eyes
♪ Give your dad a surprise
♪ Tell me Peyton
♪ Are you lonesome tonight ♪
There they are.
Big and brown.
Do I really have
my mommy's eyes?
Yeah. You bet.
You also have her
crazy long eyelashes, too.
And every time
you bat those things,
there's a huge
hurricane in Hawaii.
See, look at that.
Three houses just
blew away on Oahu.
It's on the news.
My mom said she fell in
love with you because of
your guitar playing.
That you sounded
just like Elvis.
Well, what do you think?
I think she was tone-deaf
and you sound more like
a wounded moose
than the King.
Uh, a wounded moose?
Mmm-hmm.
Like...
[IMITATING MOOSE CRYING]
Like that?
There's that smile
I've been waiting for.
I would do anything to keep
that beautiful smile on
your face.
Anything?
[KIDS CLAMORING]
[SHUSHING] Quiet!
Quiet! I said quiet!
Let's go!
JOE: Everybody,
I need a tight formation,
right now, in front.
Tight formation, everybody.
Calling an audible.
Fifty-nine razor.
What would...
I am serious!
Everybody huddle up...
Little girls don't
speak "football," Joe.
Hey, I didn't say break.
You call your dad Joe?
Hmm.
Come here. What am I,
two feet tall? Peyton!
[GROANING]
Watch out! Watch my legs,
I got million-dollar legs.
What's that number?
Get out of here!
You're in my way!
My legs! I got to play
on Sunday. Hello?
I need help. I need help!
Get off me!
Everybody off...
Me first! Me first!
GIRL: Excuse me.
I'm world-famous.
I'm a celebrity.
♪ Do you believe in magic?
♪ In a young girl's heart
♪ How the music can free her
♪ Whenever it starts
♪ And it's magic
if the music is groovy
♪ It makes you feel happy
like an old time movie
Very good tea.
Would you like
a little bit of tea?
[GIRLS LAUGHING]
♪ It's like trying to tell
a stranger about rock and roll
♪ If you believe in magic ♪
Thank you for saving me.
You're welcome.
Totally out of my league.
Only mothers can do
this stuff.
Not necessarily.
I mean,
it's true that mothers
are definitely smarter
and kinder and funnier,
and for the most part
better at everything.
But can I tell you something?
I wouldn't underestimate
the power of the father.
The power of the father.
Sure.
Dads are great
for picking you up
and dusting you off.
They give you
the courage to do things
that you never
thought you could.
My father took me
to my first ballet class.
Lucky for us he did.
What?
[CLEARS THROAT] Nothing.
Do we have
any product for this?
My doll has hair plugs
for some reason.
Joe, they've got
Camille fingernail polish!
No way.
Way!
[CLAMORING]
Nice shade. What is that?
Powder-puff pink?
[ALL LAUGHING]
I got a question.
Do your toes match?
[ALL LAUGHING]
Hey. Hey, relax. Relax.
Cut it out. He can't help it.
Somebody stole his man card.
[ALL LAUGHING]
All right, all right,
all right, all right.
Listen up.
Indianapolis claims that
they're going to send us
on a long vacation.
But who's about
to go fishing?
They are!
Who's about to hit the links?
They are!
Who's going to win
the championship?
They are!
We are?
We are!
Ready!
Break!
[BLOWS WHISTLE]
[GRUNTING]
Your turn, little one.
[GROANING]
I can't do it.
I'm not big enough.
My shoulders
aren't strong enough.
Little one.
You can do it.
Your strength is in here.
Are you ready?
Okay.
Let's do it.
♪ Running down the avenue
[GROANING]
There you go.
You're doing it.
Yeah, it's moving.
Hey, Joe.
Attaway, P.
♪ Mr. Blue Sky
is living here
today, hey, hey
MONIQUE: And one. Higher.
Point those toes, please.
Everybody together.
Much better.
Oh...
No, no, no, no, no, no...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Instinct.
♪ Mr. Blue Sky,
please tell us why
And a three. And one...
And...
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
Hey. You've got
my time, cutie-pie.
Yeah...
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Boston Rebels.
Catch the spirit.
Hey, Peyton. Come here.
You are so busted!
Get over here!
[SCREAMING]
Hey...
Get him!
Fire!
Fire!
Fire!
[ALL LAUGHING]
♪ A celebration
♪ Mr. Blue Sky's
up there waiting
♪ And today is the day
we've waited for
Good one.
♪ Mr. Blue Sky,
please tell us why
♪ You had to hide away
for so long
♪ Where did we go wrong? ♪
Boston beats Indianapolis.
The Rebels will advance on
to next Sunday's
conference finals...
Look at this. Look at this.
Artwork in the locker, huh?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
I definitely say
she's breached
the final frontier.
That's our game plan.
See, I especially like
the Xs and Os down there.
Oh, no, those are
hugs and kisses.
Hugs and kisses.
All right. All right.
Is Spike wearing a tutu?
No, no.
No, that's one of those...
That's one of those
doggy supports.
Hey, P. P! Hey, P.
Give these to Monique, okay?
There she is.
You good?
Miss Monique.
These are for you.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Are you ready
for your big debut?
Yeah.
There you go, P.
Thank you.
No, no, no.
Joe. Joe, this is for you.
[LAUGHING]
No. No, in case you forgot,
I'm a "freakishly" large man
and these are
"freakishly" small tights.
Hurry up, offense. No huddle.
Hey, guys.
GIRL: Let's go.
MONIQUE: Come on.
Come on. Come on.
Please. Get dressed.
No, listen to me.
There's no...
How's it going?
[PEOPLE CHATTERING]
Full house.
Oh, no.
Hey.
You know, Joe,
I'm not feeling so good.
We should just go home.
Yeah, let's go home.
Did I just hear
the girl who forced me
to learn pirouettes give up?
But I didn't think there were
going to be so many people.
You just have
pre-game jitters,
that's all.
All athletes have those.
Even me.
You do?
Come here, honey. Stand up.
We've worked way too hard
to quit now.
I know.
[LAUGHING]
All right, all right.
All right.
Listen, I don't care
how ridiculous either of
us looks out there, okay?
We're going to
go out on the stage,
and we're going to
dance our tutus off.
Because my
daughter's no quitter.
No, she's not.
And she never says no.
[WEBBER CLEARS THROAT]
Okay.
Excuse me, ma'am.
Have you seen Joe Kingman?
Oh. Wait, no wait.
That is the stupidest outfit
I've ever seen.
Stupid is a mean word,
Mr. Cooper.
I didn't say "stupid."
I said "stupidest."
Look it up.
Hey, Sanders.
What are you guys doing here?
What are we doing here?
Joe, did you really think
the team was going to
miss this?
[SIGHS] Yeah,
you should've said no, Joe.
You should've said no.
Did you say "team"?
Hmm.
Joe.
P.
Monroe.
Bye.
Did you say "team"? Or...
[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]
Don't panic. No panic.
Power of the father.
Power of the father.
Power of the...
You're panicking.
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
[BALLET MUSIC PLAYING]
[LAUGHING]
[APPLAUDING]
Wow.
Look at that one.
MAN: Wow. That's incredible.
[EXCLAIMING]
[APPLAUDING]
So
beautiful.
Bravo! Bravo!
Bravo! Bravo!
[ALL CHEERING]
Little one!
MARV: Well,
Boomer, after their
impressive victory today
Joe Kingman
and all of Boston
will finally get the chance
at that coveted trophy,
which has eluded them
for all these years.
Aw, there's my number-one
quarterback.
[CHUCKLING] We did it!
We're going!
You may be the world's
greatest football player,
but I'm the world's
greatest agent.
What's up?
We're about to make
Tiger's endorsements
look like minimum wage.
All you have to do is,
A, win the championship
game...
Details.
B, right after you win,
look straight into the camera
and say, "I'm going
to Fanny's Burgers."
That's it.
An instant 25 million.
Hamburger.
Stella, for the record,
Fanny's makes kids fat
and gives them gas.
Zip it before I tie
another one of those
things around your mouth.
"I'm going to
Fanny's Burgers."
Twenty-five million. Done.
I'm going to
Fanny's Burgers.
MONIQUE: ...two and one
to the front. Get ready...
[LAUGHING] Spike,
what are you doing?
Oh...
Oh, my God.
I'm sorry, guys. I didn't...
"Please be our lunch date.
X-O-X-O, Peyton and Joe."
[EXCLAIMS]
Hi!
Hey!
Okay. Thank you.
MONIQUE: [LAUGHING]
You were freakishly large.
PEYTON: I agree.
JOE: No, I'm not.
Don't say that.
You guys good?
MAN: There's the guy
right there.
What did I tell you?
I agree that you
are freakishly large.
That's not funny.
Hey, Joe! Joe, man!
Number one.
Joe, Joe, Joe...
Joe, Joe, Joe...
Is it always like this?
Nah.
What, you have
a big game coming up?
Yeah, the championship.
That's exciting.
Eight years old and
already going to big events
like that, huh? I like it.
Yeah,
unfortunately Peyton's
going to be home by then.
Her mom gets back from Africa
in a few days.
Well, can't you just
go home after the game?
No, I have to get back
before she does.
What did you say?
You said you'd have to
get back before she does?
Mmm?
Isn't your mom
picking you up?
Well...
Peyton.
I was planning
to tell you, Joe.
I really was, but...
Actually,
it's a really funny story.
You're going to love it.
It's just LOL...
Quit stalling.
I'm supposed to be studying
at a special ballet program
this month
but instead,
I snuck away
to come meet you.
You ran away?
You ran away?
Mmm, yummy dessert.
Is your mom even in Africa?
About that...
Oh, what have you done?
Okay, I'm sure there's
a reasonable explanation
and everybody...
The press is
going to eat me alive.
What a stupid, stupid,
stupid thing for you to do.
Did you ever stop
and think about how
this was going to
[COUGHING]
impact me?
Oh, stop it.
That's not going
to work this time.
You're in serious trouble.
Okay,
she's sweating like crazy.
She's coughing.
Her lips are swelling.
Oh, come on.
Don't fall for that.
She's a little
world-class performer.
I don't think
she's acting right now.
Give me one second.
Are you allergic
to something?
Nuts.
Did you know that?
The dessert has nuts.
Take her to the hospital.
Come on.
Hospital.
Where's the nearest hospital?
Ninth and Woodrow.
I'll get the car.
Where you going?
What are you doing?
Move, move! Move!
MAN: Excuse me, sir.
[COUGHING]
[HORNS HONKING]
Help! My daughter
needs help! Help!
DOCTOR: What do we got here?
Help. She's allergic.
She can't breathe.
She's allergic to nuts.
Looks like
an anaphylactic
reaction. Set her down.
She can't breathe.
Baby. Baby,
open up your mouth.
[PEYTON GASPING]
Airway's almost closed.
Let's move her.
Ten liters
non-rebreather mask.
Peyton. Peyton.
[DOCTOR BARKING ORDERS]
I'll show you to
the family waiting room.
It's going to be fine.
They're going to
take good care of her.
She'll be okay.
Peyton Kelly's father?
Oh...
I'm Peyton's dad.
Your daughter
is responding
well to the treatment.
We're going to
keep her overnight
just to be sure,
but she's going to be fine.
[SIGHS]
Thank you so much. Thank you.
You were really,
really lucky this time.
[ALL CHATTERING]
She's going to be all right.
Yeah.
Okay.
KAREN: Please tell me
Peyton's all right.
She's going to be...
Um...
She's going to be fine.
The doctor says that
she's going to be fine.
You're lucky
I haven't called the police.
Karen?
I got home early,
and I see you and Peyton.
Your faces plastered
on the front of
every magazine.
I called Peyton
a hundred times yesterday.
She didn't answer.
I flew out here,
got off the plane,
and I see all of
this on the news.
Karen?
Is that all you can say
for yourself, is "Karen"?
I... I thought
you were dead.
I can assure you,
I'm not dead.
How did you find her?
I didn't. She found me.
Wait a minute.
Is Peyton's mom
still in Africa?
She didn't tell you, did she?
Joe,
Sara died in a car accident
six months ago.
[SIGHING]
Oh, Peyton.
So when we got to Boston,
I put you into
the car service.
I sort of e-mailed
and changed
the drop-off location.
The driver took me to Joe's.
Where does everybody
at your ballet school
think you are?
In Africa with you.
The most important thing
is that you're okay.
But we're going to discuss
everything else
when we get home.
Home?
Yes.
As soon as
Peyton's strong enough,
we're going to go home.
Hold on a sec.
You can't come in here
and think she's
going to go home...
You know what? We're going
to discuss the travel
plans a little later.
Right now, Peyton needs
to get some rest.
I'm telling you.
It's terrible timing.
It's absolutely
terrible timing.
With the...
MONIQUE: I'm gonna go
get everybody some coffee.
Do you want some coffee?
Double non-fat latte.
Okay. Okay.
[EXCLAIMING]
[SHUSHES]
[TOYS SQUEAK]
JOE: Forget about timing.
I don't care about the game.
I just care about her.
All right. I understand.
But if you could
just leave it to...
Can we talk?
Yeah.
[MUMBLES]
She's asleep. It's okay.
Here.
We're all good.
Are you saying
you want Peyton
to live here with you?
Yes, that's
exactly what I'm saying.
You haven't even
been in her life.
That's not my fault.
I didn't even
know she existed!
And we've come
such a long way
in a short time.
What, you mean since
a month ago when you
left her in a bar?
I am not the same man
that I was.
Or an hour ago
when she almost
died on your watch?
This is not about you.
This is about Peyton,
what's best for her.
And she needs to
be in a stable home
with someone who's known her
her whole life.
Peyton needs her father.
She needs me.
Of course.
It'll be a huge distraction.
And ugly.
Child custody fights
always are.
[SIGHS]
Joe will be
dragged through the mud.
His endorsements torpedoed.
He's worked too hard
to have it end like this.
I just don't see him
getting through this.
My hard work
goes down the drain.
This is exactly
the sort of thing
that could end his career.
That's not your
decision to make.
Sara appointed me
her guardian.
I missed eight years
of Peyton's life.
And I'm not going
to miss any more.
And I will fight for this.
Oh, that would be
a great thing to put
her through, don't you think?
Do you have any idea
how to take care of a child?
I've been doing
it for a month now!
And look where
we're standing, Joe.
Hey, P, you're awake.
How you feeling?
I'm okay.
I want to go home.
Okay.
No problem. Doctor said
you could come home tomorrow.
Then we can go home.
[WHIMPERS] I want to
go home now with Aunt Karen.
P, if it's...
If it's what I said
at the restaurant,
honey, I didn't mean that.
I just want to go home
with Aunt Karen.
I never should've come here.
LARRY: Take care of her,
will you?
Hey, you know who
lives in this building?
Joe Kingman,
the quarterback.
How about that, huh?
[SPIKE WHIMPERING]
Come on, Spike.
Spike.
Spike, not tonight.
Come on, Spike.
Spike,
there's nothing under there.
She's gone. Come on.
Is that her bag?
[WHIMPERING]
"What's the best thing
that's ever happened to you?"
[SIGHS]
"Dear Joe, I have written
this letter a thousand times
"but I could never
find the right words.
"We have a daughter."
SARA: We have a daughter.
Her name is Peyton.
"Her name is Peyton."
She's like you
in so many ways,
athletic, headstrong...
PEYTON ON MACHINE: Hi,
this is Peyton and Karen.
Leave us a message. Bye.
[MACHINE BEEPS]
SARA: I'm so afraid you'll be
angry with me and not want
anything to do with her.
We had already decided
to go our separate ways.
I rationalized that
I was doing the right thing
in keeping her from you.
You were just starting out
in your career.
A child would have been
such a distraction.
[SIGHS]
Idiot.
He's open, Joe.
Sanders is wide open.
PEYTON ON MACHINE: Hi,
this is Peyton and Karen.
Leave us a message. Bye.
Hey, just calling
to say that...
Um, uh...
Spike, he misses you and...
I mean, Spike
really misses you, he...
[MACHINE BEEPS]
Sounds like someone else
misses her, too.
Oh, hey.
Sanders, I was just...
I was talking to...
Tell me what
I'm supposed to do.
Well, the only thing
you can do
is make sure that
she knows you love her
and that nothing's
ever going to change that.
And then
when she's ready,
she'll find you again.
You know, I owe you
a big "thank you."
Oh yeah? For what?
Just for catching everything
I've thrown at you
all these years.
That's what friends are for.
[CROWD CHEERING]
Hey, old man.
Are we ready to
win the big game?
Hold on a second, Joe.
Can we have a word with you?
Word has it that
your daughter is no
longer staying with you.
How much easier
will it be for you
to focus on football
without the distraction
of an eight-year-old?
She's not a distraction.
She's my daughter.
I'd want her here with me
even if
it meant I'd never play
another football game again.
There's nothing
that I love more
than my daughter.
Nothing.
[REPORTERS CLAMORING]
MARV: Here we are as
the two biggest rivals
in football square off
for their chance
to etch their names
in sports history.
BOOMER: You know, and I think
the question today, Marv,
is will Joe Kingman finally
get a chance at glory?
Or will New York
win their third title
in the last four years?
Come on, let's go.
Let's go, Joe.
BOOMER: Third and long
for the Rebels.
Here's Kingman...
Back to throw.
Oh, he's drilled
by the linebacker, Drake.
New York has
recovered the fumble.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
MARV: Boomer,
Kingman is way
off his game today.
This is not
the same Boston team
we've seen march through
the playoffs.
[BARKS]
BOOMER: You know Marv,
I can't explain this.
I mean, he's missing
wide-open receivers.
He's been sacked four times,
and he looks like
he's distracted to me.
So whatever
that distraction is,
he's got to put it aside.
He owes it to his teammates
and the fans of
the Boston team
to play it
and lay it on the line.
Your guy's not looking
so hot.
How long has it been since
you've had one of your own
Fanny's burgers?
Mmm.
Too long, is my guess.
[EXCLAIMS IN DISGUST]
JOE: Deflects right lead,
speed left squirrel.
On one. Ready?
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
MARV: The Rebels
trailing seven-three.
Less than a minute remaining
in the first half.
Kingman has his
team at the line.
Cooper, wide right,
shifts back to tight end.
Signal's called,
and here's Kingman.
Yes, go!
Kingman on the run.
He is crushed.
[GROANS]
BOOMER:
"Crushed" is right, Marv.
Drake, the linebacker
for New York, is having
a whale of a football game.
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
They are on a mission
to shut Kingman up.
Welcome to
the championship game,
Kingman.
[COUGHING]
Who's the king now,
Joe? I am!
Come on, Joe! Get up, Joe!
Yeah, baby! Let's go!
Get Danville.
BOOMER: Hold on
for a second, Marv.
Joe Kingman is still down.
It looks like
he was hit by a truck.
Believe me, I know.
I've been there.
This hit is not
going to be easy
to come back from.
MARV: So, Boomer, you never
want to speculate as to
the extent of the injury.
They're being very careful,
as you can see,
lifting Joe Kingman
onto that gurney.
Well, they really can't
evaluate him on the field.
They want to do that
in the locker room.
Some way, Joe Kingman
is going to have to
find a way
to get back on this field.
Don't worry, he's tough.
He better be.
Oh, he is.
Tough as nails.
MARV: And there's
the backup quarterback,
Danville, taking the knee,
so that does it
for the first half.
BOOMER: This is not good
for the Rebels.
They have got to hope
that Kingman can find
the strength to come back.
All right,
what's going on here?
It doesn't look good, Coach.
He's got a separated shoulder,
bruised ribs.
I think he's done.
Joe, it's your call.
If you think you
can handle it, then...
What do you say?
[SIGHS]
Put Danville in.
That's the best thing
for the team.
MARV: Can you believe this?
It looks like Danville,
the backup quarterback,
is checking in.
He hasn't played all season.
Can you say,
"Nightmare scenario
for Boston"?
He's coming back out, right?
You know how important
this deal is.
Sam, baby. Not to worry.
Our Joe's not a quitter.
[RUMBLING]
[FARTS]
Go, Boston.
MARV: So, it's all in
the hands of the backup
quarterback, Danville.
And he's in trouble,
and down he goes.
Joe Kingman must be
banged up pretty bad.
If not,
he would never let Maddox
take him out
of the championship game.
Turn them off.
[GROANS] I said turn them off!
Hey, Joe. You got money
on New York or something?
[GROANING] Peyton? Come here.
It's okay.
Please tell me
you're not on the lam again.
No, this time she brought
the warden with her.
What are you guys
doing here?
I called an audible.
See, I thought you'd be
better off without me.
But judging by
the butt-whupping
you got out there,
I guess I was wrong.
I love you, Daddy.
I want to come home.
I love you too, Peyton.
I love you so much.
She needs her father.
She needs you, Joe.
Are you serious?
Yeah.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Come here!
[ALL LAUGHING]
Daddy, can't breathe.
Joe, can't breathe.
Me either.
So, why aren't you
out there playing?
I thought the team
would be better off
without me.
I didn't come all this way
to see my dad sit out
the big game.
I'm really banged up, P.
Did I just hear
the King give up?
We've worked way too hard
for you to throw in
the towel now.
My dad's not a quitter.
And he never says no.
[SIGHS]
I have an answer
to your question, P.
Win or lose today,
you're the best thing
that's ever happened to me.
BOOMER: Marv, what is this?
There's some
sort of commotion
down by the tunnel.
[CHEERING]
Time! Time!
[WHISTLE BLOWS]
And it's Joe Kingman.
He's come out!
MARV: What a moment
for Kingman, his teammates,
and certainly Boston's fans.
Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!
Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe! Joe!
All right. All right.
Coach, your call.
Your team.
All right. Train red two.
Hey, hey, hey, come on!
Nobody look at the clock!
Look at me! Look at me!
We got plenty of time,
and I'm going to tell
you why.
You know why?
Because the Rebels
never say "no."
Break!
Come on, Joe! Destroy them!
MARV: With only a minute
remaining, Kingman would
have to put together
the drive of the century.
He'll have to march
the Rebels 65 yards.
Boomer, he has
no timeouts remaining
and they need
a touchdown for the win.
[EXCLAIMING]
Down set!
MARV: All right,
Kingman makes
changes at the line.
[CHEERING] Go Daddy!
Daddy! Daddy!
Back 88.
Back 88!
Hut-hut! Hut!
MARV: Kingman. Back to throw.
He's forced out
of the pocket.
And now flips it...
Webber with the catch!
But he cuts inside.
Does not go to the outside.
Can't get out of bounds
to stop the clock.
BOOMER: Webber needed
to get out of bounds.
He knows that they don't
have any timeouts left.
Now, it's up to
Kingman to get his team
to the line of scrimmage
and call a play quickly.
Black! Fifty-nine razor!
Take Drake!
MARV: Now second down
with 24 seconds left
from the Boston 44.
Out of the shotgun.
Can't find anybody,
he's on the run.
Oh, there's
the "Kingman Swing."
Kingman with
some fancy footwork.
BOOMER: Fancy?
The King looks downright
graceful all of a sudden.
MARV: He's to the 25...
The 20...
He took a hard hit!
Oh, man!
Knocked out of bounds
at the 17.
Come on, Joe.
Get up. Get up, Joe!
Can he get up, though?
That's the question.
[GROANS]
[ALL CHEERING]
Yeah!
MARV: I'll tell you,
Kingman continues to
show his toughness.
BOOMER: And, Marv,
with four seconds left
to go in the game,
I don't know a quarterback
who doesn't live
for a moment like this.
Come on, guys.
Come on, team. Come on.
MAN 1: Come on, Rebels!
You can do it!
MAN 2: Come on, number one!
Great block, Webber.
Great block.
It has come down to this.
With time for one last play,
Kingman brings his
team to the line.
Can he pull off
yet another miracle?
BOOMER: Marv, this is
Joe Kingman's moment.
Can he deliver?
This is the stuff
that legends are made of.
[SHOUTING] Come on, Daddy!
Check 52! 52!
[CLAMORING]
I'm going to show you
who the real king is, Joe.
You about to get
done lit up, son!
What? Are you stupid
or something?
"Stupid" is a mean word!
Hut-hut! Hut!
[GRUNTING]
Stay off my quarterback!
BOOMER: In what could be
the final play of the season
Kingman looking downfield.
He has Sanders.
It is caught!
Touchdown!
Boston has won
the championship!
[CHEERING]
Let's go watch my MVP
take your 25 million,
shall we?
MARV: An incredible ending
to a magnificent career.
Joe Kingman,
finally a champion.
Okay, Joe. This is it.
"I'm going to
Fanny's Burgers."
Hey, Joe Kingman,
you've just won
the championship,
so what are you
going to do now?
I'm going to take
my daughter home.
[CHEERING]
[BARKS]
Daddy, you won
the championship.
Oh, Peyton,
I've won much more than that.
[CHEERING]
Yeah!
[BURNING LOVE PLAYING]
♪ Lord almighty
I feel my temperature rising
[BARKS]
♪ Higher, higher
It's burning
through to my soul
♪ Girl, girl, girl
♪ You going to
set me on fire
♪ My brain is flaming
I don't know which way to go
♪ Your kisses lift me higher
♪ Like the sweet
song of a choir
♪ You light my morning sky
with burning love
[SCREAMING]
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh
I feel my temperature rising
♪ Help me, I'm flaming
I must be a hundred and nine
♪ Burning, burning, burning
and nothing can cool me
[BARKS]
♪ I just might turn into smoke
But I feel fine
♪ 'Cause your
kisses lift me higher
♪ Like the sweet
song of a choir
♪ And you light my morning sky
With burning love
♪ It's coming closer
The flames are
now licking my body
♪ Won't you help me
I feel like I'm slipping away
♪ It's hard to breathe
And my chest is a-heaving
♪ Lord have mercy
I'm burning a hole
where I lay
♪ 'Cause your
kisses lift me higher
♪ Like the sweet
song of a choir
♪ You light my morning sky
With burning love
♪ With burning love
♪ Burning love
♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ Just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ I'm just a hunk,
a hunk of burning love
♪ Hunk, a hunk of
burning love ♪
[BARKS]
And cut!
[CHEERING]
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Game Plan, The (2007)
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