Fat Albert (2004)

[bunniefuu]

(jug band music playing)

(boys whooping, laughing)

(whistling)

(indistinct chatter)

Hey, hey, hey!

It’s Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!

♪ And I’m gonna sing a song for you ♪

♪ And we’re gonna show you a thing or two ♪

♪ You’ll have some fun now with me and all the g*ng ♪

♪ Learning from each other while we do our thing Singin’ ♪

♪ Na, na, na

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Hey, hey, hey!

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey!

♪ Na, na, na

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Hey, hey, hey

("Welcome Back" by Mase playing)

♪ I see the girls in the club they’re getting wild for me ♪

♪ And all the pretty chicks all want to smile at me ♪

♪ These rap cats, man they all got the style from me ♪

♪ And if I ever see them, man they’d probably bow to me ♪

♪ And when this beat drop I know they’re gonna lean ♪

♪ World debut I know they gonna fiend... ♪

Doris. Wait up.

Some of the kids are going for an ice cream before practice.

Want to go?

I, uh, forgot my track shoes.

I have to go back home and get them.

Oh.

BOTH: Hi, Lauri.

Hi, Heather.

Hi, Becky.

HEATHER: Hey, Lauri, you know, like, what I told you about tonight?

Uh, yeah.

-HEATHER: So, you coming? -Sure.

BOTH: Great.

BOY: Hey, listen. We’re all goin' after school.

(indistinct chatter)

You’re going to that party with me.

I don’t think so. Look, it’s okay.

No big deal.

Doris, why are you acting like such a loser?

You’re not a loser.

What’s up, baby?

Reggie, don’t call me baby.

Look, Heather’s havin' this party.

How about you and me, we go together?

What do you say?

LAURI: What do I say?

-REGGIE: Yeah. -I say no.

-See you at practice. -(bell rings)

You’ll go with me, right? Doris?

I wasn’t invited.

(laughing)

Ma?

(door closes)

Ma.

Are you home?

Ma.

(whimpers)

Are you ready to lose? Because when I buck-buck, you better duck-duck.

Are you gonna buck-buck, or are you just gonna talk-talk?

Buck-buck number six comin’.

Whoo!

Yes! We held.

Now we’re the buck-buck champions of the world.

Wait. We still have one more guy.

Bring him out then.

Come on out, Fa-a-a-a-t Albert.

-He loves to hear us call his name. -(loud thump)

Hey, hey, hey! Who wants to play?

-Oh, no. -Oh, no!

-KID 1: No, no. Not that-- -KID 2: No, man. I got a bad back.

MR. MUDFOOT: Fat Albert, you got a problem to solve. I just saw Danielle.

She said she was quittin’ school and running away from home.

Looks like Danielle is in trouble. We have to help her.

FAT ALBERT: Hey, Danielle.

What do you want?

-You can’t quit school and run away. -What’s it to you?

Well, I care about you.

DANIELLE: Well, don’t.

Every time someone says they care about me, they wind up leaving me.

But, Danielle, you can’t let fear--

(Doris sobbing)

You hear that?

-Hear what? -That.

Hello! We have lines here, people.

That. Don’t you hear that?

(scoffs) I have done guest spots on Bugs Bunny and The Jetsons,

and I have never been treated like this.

I am so out of here.

(static crackles)

Oh, my. It’s a tear.

Hey, hey, hey!

What is that thing?

-It’s a monster! -And it be-- Gonna be come and get-- (mumbles)

Mushmouth thinks the monster will crawl in here and get us.

I am so confused!

It’s not a monster. It's a girl.

And she’s cryin'.

I’m going to help her.

Albert, you can’t go. We’re cartoons, and this is our show.

I have no choice.

MR. MUDFOOT: You go out there,

you will poke your eye out.

Why do adults always say you’ll poke your eye out?

DORIS: Huh?

No.

(Doris whimpering)

(screams)

Ow.

-No. -Hey.

-MAN: Come on. -(all chattering Excitedly)

FAT ALBERT: Let go of my legs.

-Go away! -Let go of my legs. Ow.

(all chattering)

Let go of my legs. Quit hittin’ on me!

-Go away! -Ow. Why you doin’ me like that?

Give me the pillow and stop hittin’ on me. Let go of my legs.

-(cartoons chattering) -Let go of my legs.

Let go...

my legs.

-(groans) -(whimpers)

(groaning)

DORIS: Oh.

Oh. You stay away from me.

I’m gonna call 911 on you. (whimpering)

Oh, this cannot be happenin’.

I’m losing my mind. Yeah, that’s it.

Hey, hey, hey. How’d I get this way?

I have no idea! You just need to get back into that television set right now.

(yelling)

(groans)

(boy yelling)

(both groan)

Aba-dabba.

(all groan)

(yelling)

(all groaning)

MAN: Ow. Get off my back.

(all grumbling)

-(sighing) -Hey.

Russell, you stay here.

I’m telling Mom on you.

Look at you.

My teeth.

-Wow. -(television zapping)

-(mumbles) -MAN: Guys,

help. Get me out of here.

(all grunting)

Oh, my.

Look-- Look at us.

This is nuts. We-- We gotta get back.

FAT ALBERT: No, no, no.

That girl has a problem.

What problem?

FAT ALBERT: Well, you must have a problem.

You were cryin’.

Problem. Right.

Um...

Um, I was cryin’ because,

uh, I... lost my, um...

my backpack!

Is that it?

Oh! You found my backpack!

-Oh, you guys helped me find my backpack. -(murmuring)

Oh, thank you so much.

And now... Now you guys can go back into the TV because you solved my problem.

-MAN (on TV): Stay tuned for more of Fat Albert... -Problem solved. Let’s go home.

-...after these messages. -BOY: Okay.

(theme music playing)

MAN: You’re watching TV Land.

-Mushmouth, you go first. -Noba--Wubba-- Wubba me?

(mumbling)

BOY: One.

(groans)

-Again. -(all grunt)

(groans)

(whimpering)

-(Mushmouth groans) -They’re not lettin' him back in.

My ba... hebba hurt. My-- My--

Mushmouth says his head hurts.

Okay.

As soon as the commercial is over and your show is on,

you guys can go back... in there, right?

-I hope so. -DORIS: Okay.

Mm.

Um, I’ll go get some drinks.

You guys stay put.

(door opens)

(sighs) Okay, Daddy and I are gonna have to have a long talk.

I don’t know how, but I’m gonna tell him that we need a gate.

Some kind of guard or a screen to put over the TV set so... So nobody can get out. Okay.

(screams)

Don’t you guys make noise when you enter a room?

Well, I never thought about it. We-- We just enter.

Okay. Here are your drinks.

Mmm.

Do you have a... a can opener?

The can opener’s on the can.

Oh. Huh.

-(hisses) -ALL: Ooh.

-(can pops open) -ALL: Ah.

(cans popping and hissing rhythmically)

(all vocalizing)

♪ Na, na, na

♪ Gonna have a good time Hey, hey, hey! ♪

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

Stop! Stop!

(singing stops)

Hello? What are you doing?

Singin’.

I know you’re singing, but aren’t you gonna drink?

Not unless somebody writes that we’re thirsty.

Okay. Forget the drinks.

The commercial’s almost over, and you’ve gotta get back.

MAN (on TV): Stay tuned to TV Land for more of your classic TV favorites.

There’s no place like TV Land.

Where’s our show?

It’s over. Your show is over.

Pardon me, Miss.

My name is Doris.

-Doris. -Oh, that’s a nice name.

-Doris. -I know a dog named Doris.

So, Doris,

-when is our show on again? -2:30 p.m...

Tomorrow.

What do we do now?

I don’t know.

I know you don’t know. I wasn’t talking to you.

-I wasn’t talking to you. -Then who were you talking to?

-I thought I was talking to her. -Guys, guys!

I say we wait with Doris till 2:30 p.m. tomorrow when our show is on again.

-Mm-hmm. -Oh. Yeah.

(siren wailing in distance)

I don’t think we should be outside. We don’t belong here.

I don’t know about that. This neighborhood looks kind of familiar.

-Ooh! Cody, can I ask you a question? -Sure.

-Do you see anyone? -I see you.

Anyone else?

I see a bunch of bizarre-looking freaks.

-Thanks. -No problem, Doris. See you around.

Okay. Other people can see you too. That’s good.

I think.

Okay, bye!

She doesn’t mean anything to me.

You’re the only woman who means anything to me.

You’re the only woman that matters.

Hold on a second, Ma.

Can I help you guys?

Uh, what are you talking into?

A phone.

It-- It doesn’t have any wires.

You guys yankin’ my chain?

(indistinct chatter)

I didn’t even know you had a chain.

BOY: Me too. Yeah.

Hey, Jer.

Hi, Doris.

Do you know these guys?

Uh...

Yeah. I met them today.

JER: Okay.

Enjoy them.

Hey, Ma. No, a bunch of wackos.

-Yeah. -DORIS: Look,

maybe it’s not such a good idea for you guys to hang with me.

So I’ll see you tomorrow, 2:30 p.m...

Where will we go?

What will we do?

Why don’t you bu-bu-bu... bike us?

Mushmouth wants to know why you don’t like us.

All right, all right. You can come with me.

(cheering)

Look, just don’t tell anyone who you guys are.

Everybody already thinks I’m weird.

-I know what you mean. -Well, at least you have friends.

I knew it! You do have a problem.

Now all we gotta do is get you some friends.

No. No. Absolutely not.

-You know who you’re talkin' to? -(all Chattering)

Fat Albert talk, people... people listen.

Hey, look. Nobody is talking to anyone, or you’re not going anywhere.

Now, come on. This is my last class, and I don’t want to be late.

I talked it over with my boys, and we want a buck-buck rematch.

-Uh, you do? -Yeah.

We’re gonna be the buck-buck champions of the world.

-You can’t be. -Why not?

Fat Albert and the guys aren’t here right now.

You mean you’re here by yourself?

-You know what that means, don’t you? -No.

It means that me and my boys are gonna take over the junkyard!

You can’t do that! This is Fat Albert’s junkyard!

Oh, yeah? Well, I don’t see Fat Albert anywhere.

Help! Help!

(bell rings)

MRS. FORCHICK: Good afternoon, class.

ALL: Good afternoon, Mrs. Forchick.

Since there’s a three-day weekend coming-- Oh, yes, Doris.

Um, I have some... visitors here with me.

And I didn’t think you'd mind if they audited the class.

All right, kids. Come on. Find a seat.

-(mushmouth Mumbling) -Hello. How you doin’?

-How you doin’? -How you doin’?

-Hello. -Nice to see ya.

Nice clothes. Name’s Darren.

-What’s that on your head? -It’s my hat.

-Why don’t you take it off? -I have no face.

-Right. -MRS. FORCHICK: Answer questions one, four, seven and nine.

-What’s with that guy? -Iba do badoby, but myba nameba iba M-Mushmouth.

And you?

And now why don’t we begin by having your friends introduce themselves?

Oh, all right. Well, I’m Fat Albert.

(all laughing)

MRS. FORCHICK: Doris says you’re visiting.

-Where is it that you live? -North Philly.

-(all chuckling) -FAT ALBERT: What?

Was that funny?

MRS. FORCHICK: Yes. It is.

Considering the fact that you’re in North Philadelphia...

and therefore are visiting North Philadelphia from North Philadelphia.

Hmm.

Is there something more you want to say, Albert?

FAT ALBERT: Oh, uh, yes.

We’re here because Doris has a problem.

-Oh, God. -Yes, she doesn’t have any friends.

So we came here to tell everybody to be her friend.

-(all chuckling) -MRS. FORCHICK: That’s very nice.

MRS. FORCHICK: All right, kids.

Power up.

Log on and access the Internet.

Yes. Can I help you?

Uh, what is this?

MRS. FORCHICK: Uh, why don’t we put those down?

GIRL: Two more laps.

(indistinct chatter)

Well, that was one of the more humiliating experiences of my life.

Look, I don’t have friends because I don’t want friends.

So if you guys would stop trying to help me,

I would greatly appreciate it.

FAT ALBERT: Hey, hey, hey!

You run track?

Yeah, I do.

My grandpa used to run track for Temple.

It was important to him, so I run.

-Well, are you fast? -DORIS: No, I’m not.

-I’m lucky just to finish. -FAT ALBERT: Hey, hey, hey. Don’t think that way.

I’m sure you could win. And I’ll be here to cheer you on.

-I’ll see you next class. -Okay.

-LAURI: Bye. -Who is that?

Oh, that’s my sister Lauri.

Well, not really my "sister" sister.

My foster sister. My family took her in last year.

Well, I’m gonna go get ready.

You guys just stay put.

Don’t walk. Don't talk. Don’t do anything.

And I do not have a problem.

Hey, Fat Albert. You sick or somethin’?

I’m going to go talk to Doris’ sister.

You know, about Doris’ problem.

-Is he all right? -I don’t know.

-I know you don’t know. I wasn’t talking to you. -I wasn’t talking to you.

-Well, who-- -Guys, guys!

You’re Lauri.

Yeah. Who are you?

I’m Fat Albert.

Well, Albert, is there something you want?

Wait. Don’t rub it.

Oh, boy. That be some nice budda-bup.

You watch your mouth.

(blows)

That better?

Yeah.

My mother showed me how to do that.

She blew in his eye.

Uh, what does that mean?

-I don’t know. -I know you don’t know.

Guys, guys, guys!

So... (clears throat)

Doris tells me that you two are sisters.

I mean, not real sisters, but foster sisters.

Man, there’s no way I’m letting that fat kid get over on Lauri.

See, Doris has this problem where I think that--

Albert-- I see you two have met.

REGGIE: He’s an athlete, Arthur.

-Look. -Yo. You sure, Reginald?

I’ll talk to you later, Lauri.

I guess, uh, he came to try out for the track team.

I wonder what event, uh, he could participate in.

The high hurdle.

ARTHUR: Yo, the belly roll.

(Reggie and Arthur laughing)

How about the 440?

REGGIE: Four-forty?

Do you want to race me, beefy boy?

You don’t want to race Fat Albert.

REGGIE: Fat Albert?

(both laughing)

Yeah, he’s fat, but he's fast.

Fabby but fabba.

(mumbles)

Okay. Well, let’s see how fast you really are.

I already know how fast I am.

Look, you got a problem with racing me?

I don’t have a problem. I solve problems.

-(all talking at once) -That’s what he does.

Arthur!

Okay, okay. I’ll race you, but...

-I can’t take my clothes off. -REGGIE: Great.

’Cause nobody want to see all that blubber anyways.

-(grunting) -(knuckles cracking)

(cracking)

(clearing throat) Yeah.

On your mark.

Get set.

Go!

-DORIS: Go, Fat Albert! Go! -Come on, Fat Albert!

(all cheering)

DORIS: You’re gaining on him! You’re gaining on him!

(cheering)

-(whooping) -Yeah!

You’re doin' very well, Reggie. You run really fast.

Runnin’ is good exercise, isn’t it?

Later.

-Oh, crap! -(cheering)

You know what, Reggie? Even though you came in second place,

it doesn’t mean you’re not a winner too.

You haven’t seen the last of me... fat man!

Fat, fat, fat, fat!

(Doris and Lauri chuckling)

Hey, yo.

Nobody makes a fool out of Reggie except for Reggie.

BOY: Let’s hear it!

ALL: Yea!

How did you do that?

You were amazing.

-(whistle blows) -COACH: Hey! Lauri,

Doris, come on!

Let’s move it!

Gotta go.

2:30 p.m. tomorrow. You’re out of here.

Doris, Eliza, city finals are Saturday, and I want us ready.

This year, I expect us to win.

("She’s a Bad Mama Jama" playing)

♪ Yeah

♪ Ooh

Yeah!

♪ Ooh

♪ Look at her

Yeah.

♪ She’s a bad mama jama ♪

♪ Just as fine as she can be

♪ Hey She’s a bad mama jama ♪

♪ Just as fine as she can be

♪ Her body measurements are perfect in every dimension ♪

♪ She’s got a figure that’s sure enough... ♪

BOY: Albert, hold up. Albert, stop running so fast. Slow down.

(indistinct chatter)

You think Lauri likes me?

Even though I’m fat.

Isn’t it the person who matters and not how they look?

Beats me. I don’t know.

BOY: I never had a girlfriend.

-You had a girlfriend? -(all talking at once)

Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I thought.

-(indistinct chatter) -Albert, wait.

-Yeah. Yeah. -BOY: Albert, wait.

You know, she blew in my eye.

Fat Albert, try to stay focused.

-You got a problem to solve, so we-- -I know that.

Look!

(clanging)

See, that’s who we are.

Yeah. And we’re coming out on "divda."

What’s "divda"?

I don’t know.

-BUCKY: I know you-- -Don’t start.

We don’t belong here.

You... You guys think we’re losing a little color?

FAT ALBERT: No, Mr. Worrywart.

Guys, I see cheerleaders.

Cheerleaders?

Those are the most popular girls in school.

Well, come on! We gotta get ’em to be friends with Doris.

That’ll solve everything.

Uh, excuse me.

Yeah? Who are you?

Well, I’m Fat Albert.

(laughing)

Is there something I can do for you, Fat Albert?

Well, it would be really nice if you could be friends with Doris.

Excuse me?

You see, Doris doesn’t have any friends,

and we have to fix that and get her some.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

-Isn’t that sweet? -(chuckling)

I’ll tell you what. Why don’t you guys come to my party tonight.

Daddy’s having the whole street blocked off.

And you can bring Doris.

We’d love to have her come.

-FAT ALBERT: Oh, okay. -BOY: You did it, Albert.

Hey, hey, hey! Fat Albert’s gonna save the day.

♪ Save the day Save the day ♪

♪ Save the day Save the day ♪

(mimicking trumpet)

(mimicking instruments)

♪ Hey, h*!

You did what?

We talked to Heather.

We told her about your problem.

♪ Save the day

♪ Save the day

♪ Save the day

♪ Save the day

-Stop that! -(singing stops)

What part of "I don’t have a problem" don’t you understand?

She invited you to her party.

And she invited us too.

Isn’t that great?

Well, she didn’t want me to go before.

You want us to go back in the TV, don’t you?

Are you threatening me?

Is it working?

You really wanna go?

I’m a party animal.

ALL: Ooh.

What about you?

Is Lauri gonna be there?

ALL: Please.

She really wants you to go.

Okay.

(cheering)

Okay, okay.

Okay. But first we have to go to the mall.

What’s a mall?

("Join The g*ng" playing)

Wow! It looks like an indoor town.

(elevator bell dings)

-All right. Everybody, stay with... -(whooping)

...me.

(groans)

♪ Sing

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do

♪ Do, do, do, do do, do, do, do ♪

♪ Come on and join the g*ng Clap your hands I know you can... ♪

I don’t even know why I’m doing this.

I mean, it’s a party. I hate parties.

(Rudy humming)

♪ Gonna have a good time

Hey, hey, hey!

Okay. You win.

Oh. You guys stay here.

I’m gonna try this on.

(both laughing)

♪ Come on and join the g*ng

-(groans) -(clattering)

An arcade in a mall.

Is this a great country or what?

What did he just say?

(mumbling)

You watch your mouth.

(video games beeping)

♪ Come on and join the g*ng

SKATER GUY (in video game): Ah, you rock, dude.

Hey, man.

It’s sayin' things.

SKATER GUY (in video game): Whoa! That was tight!

Hey, man. How’d you do that?

I don’t know. But it was tight.

Why don’t you stay here and wait for Doris?

Sure. Great.

I mean, cool.

Okay. I’m gonna go check out the... the Big and Tall.

(humming)

♪ Come on and join the g*ng

♪ Everybody clap your hands

♪ While we make the music sing along, I know you can ♪

♪ Sing

♪ Do, do, do, do, do, do

♪ Do, do, do, do do, do, do, do ♪

♪ Come on and join the g*ng

Hey, you.

If you’re looking to buy, I’m your guy.

And for talking to me,

you get a hat... for free.

Hey, hey, hey! I like free.

Now this is you.

-Wow. -Now, come on. Let’s get this sweater--

Uh... You know...

I can’t take my sweater off because, uh...

(whispers) I don’t know what’s underneath it.

Okay. Well...

let’s put the jacket on over the sweater.

Oh, okay. (clears throat)

Okay?

See how nicely this slims you?

You think so?

I know big, and you, my friend, are big.

And fat. I’m Fat Albert.

Well, when I’m done with you,

you’re gonna be Big Al.

("Boogaloo Beat" playing)

♪ Boogie, boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Bouncing, bouncing, flipping jumping, just punking Just do something ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Use your movement don’t refuse it Just feel the music and ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Use your movement don’t refuse it Just feel the music ♪

♪ And Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Bouncing, bouncing, flipping jumping, just punking Just do something ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce Boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

♪ Use your movement don’t refuse it Just feel the music and ♪

♪ Bounce, bounce Bounce, bounce ♪

♪ Boogie, boogie to the boogaloo beat ♪

That’ll be 10,428 dollars

and 22 cents.

Uh, I-- I don’t have any money.

-Why didn’t you tell me that? -You didn’t ask.

(stutters)

...and mobile snapshots.

It’s 2004's ultimate communicating device.

Iba looka gooba.

-Hey, I look good too. -Soba-soba.

How come you never give me any compliments?

Ooba gooba looba loo.

Thanks.

("Dancing In The Moonlight" playing)

WEIRD HAROLD: Ooh.

♪ Oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

♪ Oh, oh, oh

Hey, Bucky, look!

They still jump rope.

What are we waiting for?

♪ We get it almost every night ♪

(crowd cheering)

♪ When that moon is big and bright ♪

♪ It’s a supernatural... ♪

They call that double Dutch.

♪ Everybody’s dancing in the moonlight ♪

♪ And we’re just dancing in the moonlight ♪

(cheering)

♪ We got to dance

♪ Everybody’s dancing in the moonlight ♪

♪ Dancing in the moonlight

♪ You’ve got to dance Just move your hips... ♪

(both laughing)

(cheering)

Doris, where did you learn to jump rope like that?

That was fantastic.

Oh, it’s just something my grandpa taught me.

No big deal. Lots of kids are better.

All right. Enough fun for one day. I think we can go home now.

Yeah! Let’s go! All right!

Hey, hey, hey!

(fingers snapping rhythmically)

♪ Gonna have a good time

FAT ALBERT: Hey, hey, hey!

(chuckles) I guess I showed him.

Nobody messes with me or Fat Albert.

He’s never comin' back.

So the junkyard is goin’ to be ours!

Ours! Ours!

-Ow! -So long, sucker!

Get back here, you little--

("Breathe, Stretch, Shake" playing)

♪ Everybody out there wanna know what Mase got ♪

♪ Way hot gray drop Maybach, gray yacht ♪

♪ And that’s just the way it be ♪

♪ Favor people wanna pay for me... ♪

-They call that singing? -No, they call that talking.

Whatever they call it, I like it.

♪ Bling before you ever seen the tour ♪

♪ Fans from Iran and Singapore ♪

♪ And grown men beg me to bring ’em on tour ♪

♪ Even if it mean they gotta sleep on the floor... ♪

Man, it’s somethin' out here.

Yeah, it’s fast out here.

It is nice out here. (chuckles)

ALL: Whoa!

(loud thud)

What about our world? We always had fun there.

Yeah, but that was before we came out here.

Yeah, and here nobody has to write it in for us to have fun.

We don’t belong here.

Bill may be right.

You guys see the picture me and Mushmouth took at the mall?

-I think we lost some color since then. -Whubba?

-Holy cow. -Hey, hey, hey.

It’s just a picture.

Pictures aren’t real.

Neither are we.

I can’t believe Dumb Donald is right.

We aren’t real, and I think we’re fading.

Hey, hey, hey. We’re not fading.

Stop being such a downer.

(approaching footsteps)

Wow.

Doris, you look great.

You look tight.

-What’d you just say? -I learned it in the mall.

Oh. Well, don’t talk that way about Doris.

You... You really think I look okay?

When you walk into the party, people are gonna notice.

Yeah?

ALL: Yeah.

("Keep It On" by Mase playing)

♪ And I like it

♪ H World don’t stop I ♪

♪ M Betha, don’t stop ♪

♪ And I like it

♪ They wanna roll like me do a show like me ♪

♪ Gonna jump in the Ferrari and roll like me ♪

♪ But I know who I be with no ID ♪

♪ So much money think the bank owe me ♪

♪ Yo, I do the thing now What you wanna do ♪

♪ I make the music that you want with ya boo... ♪

So, Lauri, do you think that I could be a Big Al...

instead of a Fat Albert?

You can be anything you wanna be.

Thank you.

Uh, can I get you a soda or something?

You’re so sweet.

But you just got me a soda.

Oh, yeah. Right.

You’re very nice...

Big Al.

I’ll go get you a soda.

But--

Hey, Rudy.

-Hey, Darren. -Check this out, man.

-Nice hat. -Right back at ya.

♪ I make the music that you want with ya boo ♪

♪ Go away bring back something just for you ♪

♪ Can’t no man stop what we come to do ♪

♪ I been flyin’ all week I land for a day ♪

♪ Sit somewhere so I can...

What are you doing?

-I’m-- -You, uh,

wouldn’t happen to be hiding, now, would you?

Now, Doris, come on.

Just take a chance and go for it.

You know, there’s something about you.

Something very familiar.

Hey, hey, hey. You watch me every day.

Now let’s go. We have got some partying to do.

Some partying? Nobody ever asks to dance with me anyway.

(clicks tongue) Well, they will...

tonight.

-You do one, Mushmouth. -"Mushmouth"!

(girls laughing)

Knock, knock.

Who’s "theres"?

Hebbada, hebba, dabbada and bedebada...

and bada dubba.

(laughing)

-What... What he say? -I don’t know.

(all laughing)

Oh, they’re making fun of him.

Maybe we should leave.

Yo, yo, yo. What up, everybody?

Yo, Viper.

♪ What we come to do...

(music stops)

How we doin’ tonight? I mean, is this party off the hook or what?

-What’s up, y'all? -(cheering)

Yeah. Yeah. That’s what I’m talking about.

So, look. I’ve got a big, fat treat for y’all.

And, uh, coincidentally, uh, his name is, uh, Fat Albert.

(crowd laughing)

Ignore him, Albert. He’s just trying to humiliate you.

REGGIE: Come on up here and, uh,

say a few words to the crowd, uh, Fat Albert.

-(laughing) -No, no. Albert,

-don’t. -Why not?

(indistinct chatter)

Lauri’ll never talk to him after this. Trust me.

All right, all right. (clears throat) Whoo!

(clears throat) Thank you.

Where’s the cord?

GIRL: Sit down, big guy.

There is no cord, uh, my oversized friend.

(crowd laughing)

REGGIE (laughing): Yeah.

What you got to say,

big man?

(scattered laughs)

I’m gonna sing a song.

BOY: Aw, come on, who do you think you are?

Please, no.

Okay. (chuckles)

Viper, why don’t you hook him up with a little groove?

Hook him up.

(funky music playing)

Hey, hey, hey!

It’s Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!

(scratching)

(hip-hop music playing)

♪ Yeah

(vocalizing)

Albert can sing?

I sure hope so.

♪ Now, come on, big fella It’s time to share ♪

♪ Bounce your big belly up in the air ♪

♪ Come on Jump, jump, jump, jump ♪

♪ Hey, yo!

♪ I’m gonna sing a song for you ♪

♪ And we’re gonna show you a thing or two ♪

-Well, aren’t you the hip-hop fool. -(scoffs)

♪ We’ll have some fun now ♪

♪ With me and all the g*ng

♪ Learning from each other

♪ While we do our thing

♪ Hey, yo!

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight Hey, yo! ♪

♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

♪ Find a reason to jump around and move your stuff ♪

♪ Hey, yo! Ooh, ah, I like your style ♪

♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ They call me Fat Albert That’s my name ♪

♪ And solvin’ problems is my game ♪

♪ Now get it jumpin’ if you're feelin’ what I'm sayin’ No delayin’ ♪

Hey, hey, hey, man!

♪ I’m so happy, so glad I wanna check myself ♪

♪ Pinch myself Look at me, I love myself ♪

♪ And since fat’s where it’s at ♪

♪ I don’t wanna get skinny For what? ♪

♪ I like the bigger heart that’s within me ♪

♪ Hey, yo! Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight ♪

♪ Hey, yo!

♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Hey, yo! Ooh, ah, I like your style ♪

♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

-♪ Gonna have a good time -♪ Go, Albert

-♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪ -♪ Go, go, go, go

-♪ Go, go, Albert, go, go -♪ Na, na, na

♪ Gonna have a good time

Hey, yo, I’m not so sure this was such a good idea, Reg.

Shut up, dummy! There’s something strange about those kids though. I’m--

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Hey, yo!

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party... ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey! -♪ Hey, yo!

♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

♪ Find a reason to jump around... ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey! -♪ Hey, yo!

♪ Ooh, ah, I like your style Come on with me... ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey!

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na... ♪

Heb-- Hebbo.

Heba, baby. (mumbling)

I don’t know what I'm saying. (mumbling)

♪ I know one thing We making mell butta babba ♪

♪ Ba, ba-ba, ba-ba-ba bow butta ♪

♪ I so by jang when I hold my thang ♪

♪ Oh, but that was just thingamathing ♪

-♪ Na, na, na, na -♪ Na, na, na, na

♪ Na, na, na

Mebba. Hebba.

♪ Hey, yo! Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party... ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey! -♪ Hey, yo!

♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

♪ Find a reason to jump around ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey!

♪ Hey, yo! Ooh, ah, I like your style ♪

-♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Hey, yo! Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight ♪

♪ Hey, yo!

♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Hey, yo

♪ Ooh, ah, I like your style

♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Oh!

(cheering)

(laughing)

("My First Love" playing)

That’s great.

♪ Now we’ve been through too much together ♪

Uh...

♪ And that separates us from the rest ♪

♪ Now when we’re approaching up on stormy weather ♪

♪ Let’s see what our love is made of ♪

♪ I hate you for crying last night ♪

Look at him.

I know what Lauri’s doin'. She’s just dancing with him to make me jealous.

-Yeah. -Yeah.

Yeah?

Yeah.

(scoffs) Man.

♪ And, girl don’t you say goodbye ♪

♪ Now we’ve been through too much together ♪

♪ And we’re approachin' stormy weather... ♪

Havin’ a good time?

It’s okay.

So, uh, you see anyone you’d like to dance with?

Hey, sweet thing.

Wanna dance?

♪ Girl, you’re my first love ♪

♪ Hey, hey Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Boy, I swear I think you’re sacred ♪

♪ And I’m so thankful that you live ♪

♪ Yeah

♪ If I could take back...

Reggie, no.

Please, Reggie, don’t.

Aw, come on, baby. Don’t be like that.

I said stop it, Reggie!

REGGIE: Hey, you should be glad I even danced with you!

Hey, man. You’re like school on Saturday. No class.

I knew I should’ve never come to this party.

Rudy, be a gentleman. See how Doris is doing.

♪ And baby I

Hey.

♪ I refuse to let you go

You stay away from her...

or you’re gonna have to deal with me.

♪ Now we’ve been through too much together ♪

♪ And we’re approachin' stormy weather But, boy ♪

♪ You’re my first love ♪

(chuckles) Right. Uh, next time.

Lauri, wait.

Lauri.

Doris. Doris, would you please wait?

Doris.

-We thought we were helping. -Helping what?

I don’t have a problem.

I was doing just fine before you guys arrived.

FAT ALBERT: So, uh, do you have, like, a special guy or somethin’?

LAURI: No, I don’t have time for boys. Anyway,

I’m better off working on my writing.

-Oh, you want to be a writer? -Mm-hmm.

Since I was a little girl.

I want to tell stories.

Really? What kind?

I don’t know. I guess...

kind of personal stuff.

You know, maybe about how a person feels because...

their parents... are no longer around.

Sorry about that.

(horn honks)

I miss them... a lot.

Sometimes it hurts so bad, I don’t want to care about anyone again.

You know what? You should be walking on this side of the street.

Why?

Is that some kind of macho thing?

No, it’s just, you know, the gentleman should walk on the side with the traffic.

That way, if a car, like, splashes mud

or jumps the curb, he can push the woman out of the way.

You know what I’m saying?

-Okay. (chuckles) -Yeah.

Oh, uh, I... We’re here.

It’s your house.

-Yeah. -You can go inside now.

Um, thanks for walking me home.

(mumbles)

Well, good night.

You know, uh, allow me.

(chuckles)

You are such a gentleman.

My Big Al.

Me and you...

BFF?

BFF?

"Best friends forever."

(door closes)

(funky music playing)

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight Hey, yo ♪

♪ Move your stuff Jump around at the party Move your stuff ♪

♪ Hey, yo Ooh, I like your style ♪

♪ Come on Shake your body Break it down ♪

♪ Na-na-na, na-na-na na-na-na, na-na-na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time Hey, yo ♪

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re havin' tonight Hey, yo ♪

♪ Don’t you wanna move your stuff ♪

♪ Shake your body and jump around and move your stuff ♪

(pop song playing on radio)

♪ I’m in love ♪

Are you okay?

I’m fine.

I had no business going to that party.

I should have never listened to Albert and--

What is with you?

Ever since your grandpa passed away, you’re not the same.

It’s like you've given up.

You know, the guys were just trying to help.

I suppose you’re right.

Well, at least you had a good time.

So, what’s with you and Albert?

Oh. He seems nice.

Why don’t we invite him to the track meet on Saturday?

Um, I don’t think Albert's gonna be here on Saturday.

Where will he be?

Uh, I don’t know.

Besides, the fewer people who see me run, the better.

Doris...

you’ve got to start believing in yourself.

You used to be one of the fastest runners on the team.

Good night, Lauri.

(song continues)

(song stops)

Good night.

(door opens)

-FAT ALBERT: Good morning, Doris. -Hey, Doris!

(Mushmouth mumbling)

Rudy says that you’re mad at us. Are you?

DORIS: No. It wasn’t your fault.

I should have known better than to go to that party.

Wait. You guys haven’t been here all night, have you?

No. We just got here a little early. We didn’t want to miss goin’ to school with you.

I see.

Look, you guys, I don’t think you should go to school with me.

I think people are getting suspicious.

-Uh, well, that... That’s cool. -Yeah.

Yeah. We understand.

Um, is Lauri home?

DORIS: No. She had an early class.

Are you guys okay?

You look a little... pale.

A little washed out.

Washed out?

DORIS: Well, I don’t know. Anyway,

if you guys get bored, there’s a park, like, two blocks that way.

So I’ll see you later on. 2:30 p.m... Showtime.

BILL: I knew it.

She’s right. We are fading.

FAT ALBERT: Stop worrying.

I mean, we can’t do anything about it anyway.

We have to wait until 2:30 p.m.

To the park.

♪ To the park Got to go to

Yeah, but--

New school.

(beat boxing)

Okay.

♪ Rollin’ to the park tryin’ to have some fun ♪

♪ Waitin’ on 2:30 just for our rerun ♪

♪ We want to solve problems just me and my g*ng ♪

(all grunt)

♪ Hey, yo We doin’ our thing ♪

♪ We doin’ our thing We doin’ our thing ♪

♪ To the park

-♪ To the park -♪ I say, I say, I say

(upbeat song playing)

♪ Come on, everybody Let’s go ♪

-Whoo! -(all Yelling)

♪ What you say now What you say What you say ♪

♪ Come on, everybody Let’s go... ♪

BOYS: Oh!

Old Weird Harold, you ever play basketball before?

Not that I remember.

You caught it! That was amazing!

The only thing you ever caught before was a cold.

(Rudy laughs)

Hey, man. You wanna play?

We could use another guy for three on three.

Ilba stayba wayba.

All right.

♪ Come on, everybody Let’s go... ♪

Exercise equipment. How cool is that?

♪ What you say now What you say What you say... ♪

Whoo!

(cackles)

DUMB DONALD: I’ll see you guys later.

I’m goin' to the school library.

You can’t read.

I can now... I think.

Okay. But don’t be late. 2:30 p.m...

To the library!

To the slide!

♪ What you say now What you say What you say... ♪

-Come on! -(grunts)

Come on.

(grunting) Whoo!

♪ And I say How are you ♪

♪ Don’t be shy... ♪

Yeah. Come on.

(grunts)

Hebbie deboe.

What are you saying?

He-- Hebbie deboe.

Are you saying hello?

Yebba.

You talk funny.

-Baba baloomba. -LITTLE GIRL: No.

Balloon.

Babaloomba.

Don’t you get it? Ba-loon. Say "ba."

Ba.

Now say "loon."

Uh, loon?

Now say "ba-loon."

Ba-loon.

Exactly.

Balloon.

You’ve got it.

Balloon, balloon, balloon.

Oh, thank you. This is great.

Madam, it has been my extreme pleasure talking with your daughter.

She taught me how to say balloon. Balloon!

Well, I’m very happy for you.

Come on, honey.

Sweetheart, how many times have I told you not to talk to strangers?

He’s not strange, Mommy.

He’s Mushmouth.

Goodup byebee.

Hey, man. Look at Old Weird Harold.

FAT ALBERT: He’s sh**ting.

-Oh! -Ooh!

BILL: He’s dunkin'.

Whoo!

BUCKY: And he’s not falling.

He’s not clumsy anymore.

Mushmouth, you can speak.

Don’t call me Mushmouth.

Uh, what should we call you?

Just call me... Mouth.

Don’t call me Old Weird Harold anymore.

I’m Air Harold now.

BUCKY: Ooh!

-Dumb Donald. -Hmm?

What are you doing here? We’ve gotta go.

I’m readin' African-American history.

I’m on volume 22.

But I thought you were dumb.

Well, that’s when I was a cartoon.

I’m actually feeling pretty smart now.

And I bet I’ll feel even smarter without this dumb-lookin’ hat.

Oh, you’ve got a nice face.

I do?

I do! I have a nice face!

No. Shh. No!

Everybody, look! I got a nice face!

-No. I’m so sorry. Shh! -Everybody, I have a nice face!

DORIS: No! Dumb Donald!

-(laughing) -MUSHMOUTH: My name is Mouth.

-What’d I just say? -Your name is Mouth.

Isn’t this great? You understand me.

I do believe I like it out here very much.

-Me too. -Me three.

Hey, man. What’s up?

Hey. Nice outfit.

Yeah, I figure, with this new hot look, be getting all the girls.

RUDY: I hear you, man.

Somethin’ I been living with for years.

(chuckles)

Hey, man, your colors. They’re fading.

You need to chill with that bleach, man. I’ll see you later.

-Oh, no. -What’s wrong?

It’s gettin' worse.

We’re not just losing our color.

Look at my hand.

I can see through it.

It’s fading away.

I’m scared.

-I wanna go home. -Me too.

(screaming)

Oh! My goodness.

Oh, my. I can see his behind.

My behind?

So that’s what one looks like.

Looks like it’s broken.

Let’s go. We have a problem to fix.

Uh, surround him.

We can’t let anybody see his behind.

I told y’all. We gotta get back to where we belong.

Let’s go.

-BUCKY: Where are we going? -FAT ALBERT: To the junkyard.

(panting)

BOY: You come back here, you!

Get over here!

-I’m not done with you yet! -(grunts)

(grunts)

(shouts mockingly)

Come out of there, you little thing, you!

(growls softly) Okay by me.

I can stay here until the show starts.

(horn honks)

(laughing)

And then we’re playing buck-buck.

All my guys against you.

And when we beat you,

all this will be ours!

Ours! Ours!

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a bad time ♪

♪ Ha, ha, ha

That’s our theme song! You guys can’t sing it.

♪ Gonna have a bad time Ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a bad time Ha, ha, ha ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey...

I knew I could find some paint around here somewhere.

Oh, man!

Now he has a green naked behind.

What are you doin’ here?

Dumb Donald.

You have a face.

Isn’t it nice?

Great. He’s got a face. Now let’s go.

The show’s already started, and you guys gotta get your behinds back in the TV.

But no looking.

At what?

Never you mind. Just no lookin’.

I have never seen anyone move so slow.

Hurry up. The show’s almost over.

(indistinct chatter)

Well, we-- We-- Why you trying to squeeze me?

All right.

(indistinct chatter)

-BUCKY: Watch my behind. My behind. -Bucky, Bucky.

(indistinct chatter)

♪ Gonna have a bad time Ha, ha, ha ♪

Help! Fat Albert, you gotta help!

They’re gonna take over our show.

Okay, Russell. We’re comin'.

Okay, Bucky, come on. You first.

Since you got the you-know-what hanging out.

When I count to three,

close your eyes.

Three!

(zapping)

They’re back! They're back! My pants are back!

Yeah, but you’re still Bucky.

(laughing)

Well, I’ll be glad to get back where I can take it to the hole.

Uh-oh!

Dominate in the paint and score at will.

-All right, Harold. -RUDY: You’re the man, Harold.

(zapping)

Hey, boy, pull your pants up.

Okay, who’s next?

DUMB DONALD: I’ll go.

I’ve become smart enough to understand that we’re fading away...

because we’ve entered into a world where we do not belong.

If you try to become something that you’re not,

you lose the essence of who you really are.

Then go! Go.

(zapping)

Ooh, eyeballs! Eyeballs!

Floating eyeballs!

Where is your face, man?

DORIS: What happened to his face?

He always wore a hat in the cartoon, so nobody ever drew him a whole face.

BUCKY: Put the hat on, Dumb Donald! Put the hat on!

Ah, that was a close one.

Well, well, well.

-Interesting, right? -Yeah.

All right. Well, who’s next?

How about you?

Oh, uh, I’ve decided, uh, I’m gonna have to stay.

BILL: No, you’re not.

No. You’re not.

-Dori-- -MALE NEWSREADER: We interrupt this program

to bring you a special news broadcast.

No! You missed it again.

FAT ALBERT: Hey, hey, hey. We can make it another day.

And how do you know? Have you ever faded before?

Oh, we’ll be fine.

You don’t care if we're fine.

All you care about is staying here with Lauri.

Lauri is important to me.

Maybe it’s time I started caring about myself.

I don’t even know who you are anymore.

Hey, hey, hey. I said I’m gonna stay.

Hey, hey, hey! Friends don’t let friends fade away.

Don’t use my lines on me.

Besides, I haven’t solved Doris’ problem yet.

But I don’t have a problem!

Yes, you do!

-No, I don’t! -What, you think I came all the way out of the TV

-just for you to tell me you don’t have a problem? -I don’t have a problem.

-You were just sittin’ there watching a happy, fun TV show. -I’m fine! I'm fine.

Stop it! Stop it!

This isn’t about her problem, it’s about yours!

Hey, guys.

-Oh. -Oh, hi.

Hi, Lauri.

-Where are the rest of the guys? -They went back.

-(mutters) -In the tele-- Ow!

LAURI: I got some free passes for the fair tonight.

Albert, do you want to go?

That would be fantastic.

How about you, Doris? Will you come?

I don’t know.

Please?

Okay.

FAT ALBERT: I just need tonight.

Just one night.

One last night with Lauri.

Well, I’m gonna meet you at the girls’ house.

I told Lauri I’d pick her up at the library.

I feel really bad for him.

Let’s make his last night here one he’ll always remember.

How about one all of us will remember?

BILL: You’re right.

Well, we’re gonna need some wheels.

I mean, we’ve got to ride to the fair in style.

(tires screeching)

(girls laughing)

Ladies, your chariot awaits.

It’s okay.

Rudy, have you lost your mind?

Albert... (chuckles)

Let’s roll.

Uh, you mean start it up?

Yep.

(Bill making engine noises)

Doris.

This is all... just a little joke...

-right, guys? -(Rudy chuckles)

(mimicking engine noises)

Uh, Albert, why don’t you, uh, turn on the radio?

(concertina playing)

♪ There I go, there I go There I go ♪

♪ There I go

(singing continues indistinctly)

Okay, Albert, give her some gas.

-Some gas? -Gas.

-(chuckles) -(singing Continues)

(horn honks)

Oh! Whoa!

-LAURI: It’s moving! -FAT ALBERT: Yeah.

RUDY: Well, it is a car.

♪ So very close to you

♪ Turns me your sl*ve

♪ Come on, baby, let me do anything that you want to ♪

♪ Anything, baby, let me just be next to you ♪

(horn honks)

♪ Am I insane or do I really see heaven in your eyes ♪

(riders screaming)

(upbeat song playing)

(riders screaming)

-(Lauri laughing) -FAT ALBERT: Hey, hey, hey.

We’re having a good time. That’s all I want to know.

This is so much fun. And thanks for winning this for me.

Hey, hey, hey. Anytime, any day.

These have been two of the greatest days of my life.

How come Fat Albert and Rudy have girls, and I just have you?

Are you sure they don’t want something?

Oh, they don’t eat. I mean, they don’t eat much.

Albert sure looks like he eats.

So, um...

are you ready for the track meet tomorrow?

Do you think they’re sick?

They look kind of washed out to me.

No. No, that’s just too much bleach in their clothes.

Hey, Albert, if you like Lauri, you gotta take her on a roller coaster.

That’s the best thing to take a girl on, because while the ride is goin’ on,

they get so scared, they want you to hold ’em.

And then when the roller coaster goes around the corner,

-they fall up against you and everything. -(both laughing)

Okay, watch me.

Okay, say you’re a girl and you’re on a roller coaster.

I’m not sayin' I’m a girl on a roller coaster.

What’s wrong with you, man?

Why don’t you say you're a girl on a roller coaster by yourself?

I’m just tryin' to show Albert something.

(indistinct chatter)

RUDY: Where’d Albert go?

Oh, he-- He’s with the girls.

Lauri...

you wanna go on the roller coaster?

Sure. (giggles)

Huh. (chuckles)

Go, Albert.

(all screaming)

(whimpering)

(muttering)

(screaming)

-Can I ask you a question? -Sure.

(sighs) If I didn’t have to go back...

I mean, if I was a real person, would you...

Would I what?

Would you go out with me?

(chuckles)

-You mean, like, on a date? -Yeah.

But we are on a date.

That’s right. Cool.

You were so scared.

I wasn’t scared. I just looked scared...

-Mm-hmm. -...’cause my cheeks were wrapped around my ears,

and my eyelids went up over my head and everything.

Wanna go again?

Um, you-- You go ahead.

Mm. (giggles)

Be right back.

-You’re Fat Albert! -Hey, hey, hey.

What are you doin’ here? You’re supposed to be on TV.

These bad kids keep chasing Russell.

He needs you. We all need you.

What will Mr. Cosby think if you don’t go back?

MAN: Come on, Emmitt. We gotta go.

Dad, it’s Fat Albert!

Uh, come on, son. Mom’s waiting.

But, Dad, it’s really Fat Albert.

EMMITT’S DAD: I know. I know. Who’s Fat Albert?

(jingling)

I think this is the real thing.

He’s charming, bright...

a gentleman.

And he’s the first guy I’ve met in a long time...

I feel I can trust.

The kind of guy that will always be here for me.

(riders screaming)

ANNOUNCER: Get one ring on the bottle, and you win a prize!

Nobody’s a loser. Everybody’s a winner.

(sighs)

(groans)

People wait till you get to the top of the stairs, then they knock.

-Who is it! -FAT ALBERT: It’s Fat Albert.

Yeah, right.

Hello. Uh, I’m looking for Mr. Cosby.

Are you his dad?

Uh, I’m-- I'm Fat Albert.

(groans softly)

Whoa! Uh... Help! He--

I’m sorry, Mr. Cosby. I didn’t mean to startle you.

-You okay? -No, that’s all right, son.

Thank you. My boy,

how did you get into this predicament?

Well, I-- I-- I crawled out of the TV set.

Crawled out of the TV set.

Uh, well, how?

I-- I crawled out of there because I heard her crying.

-Who-- Who’d ya heard? -Well, I heard Doris.

-Doris. -She was sitting on the couch, and she was crying.

Doris who?

Uh, Doris Robertson.

Doris Robertson?

Yeah.

Do you know where they live?

Uh, North Philly.

Oh.

Albert Robertson...

is Doris Robertson’s grandfather.

He died some time ago.

I designed your character after Albert Robertson.

And you heard her spirit...

and you crawled through the set?

I... I guess so.

Well, that’s just fine, son.

All you have to do is you just crawl back into the set.

-We’re ready to go. -I don’t want to go back into the set.

-Hey, hey, hey. -Yeah, hey, hey, hey. I want to stay!

Oh, h*, h*. No, you can’t do that. See, you’re a cartoon.

You’re a cartoon, and you have your fellas waiting for you to do more stories.

Your fans are waiting to see you on TV so you can solve problems.

Oh, no, I don’t want to go back into the TV.

What do you mean, you don’t want to go back?

-No, I want to stay here in the real world. -You can’t--

You can’t stay out here.

You stay out here,

you’re gonna turn into celluloid dust.

(Fat Albert grunting)

Lauri.

Albert?

What are you doing here?

Uh, I need to talk to you.

I’ll meet you downstairs.

(grunts)

(groans) Oh.

Oh, Lord. (screaming)

(muttering)

-LAURI: Oh, my. -Lauri... (groans)

(door opens)

Albert? Are you okay?

Hey, hey, hey. Fallin’ is easy.

It’s gettin' up that’s the hard part.

-Now just... Just roll me over. No. Don’t take me. -Okay.

Grab onto my-- Oh! You’re tickling me. (laughing)

(mutters)

(grunts)

Whoo. Ah.

So, what’s this about?

Uh, well, I came here to tell you that I can no longer be your BFF.

I can only be your BFUT.

BFUT?

Yeah, "best friend until tomorrow."

What are you talking about?

All right, I don’t just look like Fat Albert.

-I am Fat Albert. -So?

-I’m really the guy in the cartoon. -Cartoon?

The Fat Albert show. You know, "hey, hey, hey."

It-- It’s a cartoon.

See, when I told you I would stay forever,

I didn’t know that I was fading.

Now I’m this fading cartoon character,

and if I don’t go back into the TV,

I’m gonna turn into a big pile of powdered celluloid.

You know, it’s almost funny.

Every time someone says they care about me,

they wind up leaving me.

No, no, Lauri.

Wait. No, Lauri. Lauri!

You-- You can’t let fear keep you from caring about someone.

-Albert. -Yes?

Get some help.

-Wait-- Lauri, wait-- -(door closes)

How could you possibly believe that Albert’s a cartoon character?

It’s all true, Lauri.

Doris, no one came out of our TV set.

Those guys, Albert’s friends,

they’re very strange.

I think they could be some kind of cult.

-Someday you’ll understand. -What I understand...

is that we have a track meet tomorrow,

so let’s go to sleep.

(applause)

CHEERLEADERS: Go, AHS, yeah!

(grunts)

ANNOUNCER: Runners, take your marks!

Set!

(crowd cheering)

(cheerleaders cheering)

-Nice race. -Thanks.

Come on, guys. Hurry up!

The bad guys are comin’ back for a buck-buck buck-off!

I’m coming, Bucky. (sighs)

When I get back, I’ll show everybody how well I can speak.

And then they won’t laugh at me anymore.

(zapping)

Hey, Fat Albee! I mean, Fat-a-boo!

(stammering) Aw, frit!

Well, Doris, if I ever come back out of that TV, then,

I’ll be calling you.

I’ll be waiting.

(zapping)

FAT ALBERT: Okay, Bill, you’re next.

(laughing)

Arthur, learn the handshake.

Why don’t you go first?

I just need a moment alone with Doris.

See you in the junkyard.

(zapping)

Hey, Russell, you know what? I’m actually happy to see you.

Oh, yeah? Well, I’m still telling Mom on you.

Well, uh, I guess I have to go back to the way I was.

But if I could stay, I would be so happy

to be the best that I was capable of being.

It’s funny. It seems like I know you...

have known you... for a long time.

Maybe you have. Maybe you have.

All right. Come on now. We gotta get you back to the track.

(clears throat) You got a relay race to run.

Go for it.

Come on, Fat Albert! We need you!

(indistinct chatter)

-BILL: Come on, Fat Albert. -No, not yet.

I finally understand why I had to come out here.

Don’t. You won't be back in time. You cannot last another day.

I have to help her.

It’s time for Doris to believe in herself again.

BILL: You’re fading, man! You cannot--

(TV turns off)

Guys, listen up.

Now, we win this relay, we win the meet. All right?

-Yori, you’re first leg as usual. -All right.

Lisa, I’m taking you off of third leg and putting you on second leg.

-Okay. -BOY: Go, Lisa!

Lauri, you’re third leg. And, Doris, you’re anchor.

All right, come on! Let’s do this now!

ALL: Go, Archers!

COACH: Yeah, come on, guys!

Anchor? But you’re always anchor. How could Coach make me anchor?

-Lauri! -It was Albert’s idea.

You’re not a loser.

Come on.

CHEERLEADERS: We’ve got spirit! Yes, we do!

We’ve got spirit! How about you?

("I Am" by Mya playing)

(cheering)

-Come on! Come on! -ANNOUNCER: Set!

(cheering continues)

♪ I am stronger than before

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

♪ I can take it I will always be around ♪

♪ There is a thing that I got

♪ Something I never had before ♪

♪ There is a reason I’ve got ♪

♪ To be everything I am I’m sure ♪

♪ I have been weakened by you

♪ For a hundred days too long

♪ I have been broken in two

♪ But I never felt so strong

♪ There is a power inside me It’s pushing now and its not letting go ♪

MAN: Go!

♪ There is a feeling inside me I’m not slowing down and it wont let me stop ♪

♪ Making me more than I am... ♪

(whooping)

Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

♪ I am stronger than before I have risen from a fall... ♪

Go! Go!

♪ I will break down anything in my way without looking back at all ♪

♪ I am stronger than before

♪ Not a thing can hold me down ♪

♪ I will make it I will take it ♪

(panting)

♪ I will always be around

♪ I wont be broken no more

♪ Because I’m everything I’m meant to be ♪

♪ It doesn’t matter before ♪

♪ Not changing anything about me ♪

Run, Doris! Run!

-What are you doing here? -You can win!

Someone get that fat kid off the track!

Okay! Now go!

(cheering)

(panting)

♪ I am stronger than before... ♪

FAT ALBERT: Run, Doris! Run! You can win!

(panting)

Come on. Come on.

♪ I will make it I will take it I will always be around... ♪

(panting)

-Yeah. -We won!

(cheering)

(grunts)

(sighs)

We won! We won! You did it!

No, we did it.

(all cheering)

(laughing)

Oh, come on. We gotta go.

LAURI: Where are we going?

Oh, Albert, you never should’ve come.

LAURI: What’s going on?

I have to get him in the TV before the show ends.

-Doris, don’t start. -Can’t you see he's fading?

So we meet again.

-Fat Albert. (laughs) -(chuckles) Fat.

Reggie, leave him alone. He’s not, uh, feeling well.

(scoffs) Hey, everybody...

listen up!

This fat fool is not what he appears to be.

Come on, Albert.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh, where do you think you’re going, fat man?

It’s you and me.

(Reggie groans)

Whoa.

Hey, hey, hey. Get out of our way.

Okay.

(Reggie groans)

So I guess you won’t mind if we borrow this.

Uh, anything you want.

Come on.

Doris, I don’t know about this. Wait, Doris. Lauri.

Are you sure we should be on this? Oh!

Look, Lauri! Doris! Lauri!

-Doris! Whoa, stairs. -DORIS: Hey!

-Stand back! -(blubbering)

(woman screaming)

Whoa! Whoa!

-(screaming) -Huh?

Oh, sorry. I just can’t stop. Sorry.

-(woman screaming) -(man grunts)

Nice meeting you.

Whoa! Whoa!

Whoa! Whoa! Oh, whoa, whoa!

Whoa! Whoa!

(screaming)

Ow!

(all gasping)

So sorry. I’m so sorry.

-I’m sorry. So sorry. -(woman screams)

-Oh, thank you. -(screaming)

-Whoa! -(woman screams)

Hello.

-No! -MAN: No, no, no!

-(Fat Albert yelling) -(woman screams)

-Hey, yo, man! -(yelling)

(screams)

(grunts)

-DORIS: Are you okay? -Are you okay?

(groaning)

(panting)

Hey, hey, hey. Flyin’ is easy.

It’s the landing that's hard.

(groaning)

-Fat Albert! -(screams)

Hurry! The show’s almost over. We need you.

Okay, Bill. I’m comin'. Now get back in the set.

Pretty amazing, huh?

How could this be?

Hurry up. You’ve gotta go.

Albert, wait.

I don’t understand any of this.

I never meant to hurt you, Lauri.

Will you ever come back?

If there’s any way that I can, I will.

But in the meantime, we’ll always have North Philly.

And I’ll always have my Big Al.

Albert, wait!

I finally figured out who you remind me of.

You remind me of my grandpa.

Hey, hey, hey. That’s a nice thing to say.

I love you, Doris.

(sighs) I love you too.

BUCKY (on TV): What is that? A piece of paper?

BILL (on TV): No, man. That’s a paper clip.

I’ll see you girls through the TV.

-BUCKY (on TV): Whoa! Yes! -(grunts)

-(grunting continues) -We have ’em! We're the buck-buck champions!

-We still have ’em. -FAT ALBERT: Okay, lift. Okay, now push.

-Now push together. -(girls grunting)

Fa-a-a-a-t Albert! He loves to hear us call his name.

(loud thudding)

Hey, hey, hey. Who wants to play?

Oh, no!

(all shouting)

MR. MUDFOOT: Fat Albert, you got a problem to solve.

I just saw Danielle.

She said she was quittin’ school and running away from home.

FAT ALBERT: Hey, Danielle.

What do you want?

-You can’t quit school and run away. -What’s it to you?

Well, I care about you.

Well, don’t.

Every time someone says they care about me, they wind up leaving me.

But, Danielle, you can’t let fear, um...

He better not be doing this again.

You can’t let fear keep you from caring about someone,

because caring about someone is wonderful.

A person you can think about, and they think about you,

and you both know you’re thinking about each other.

And it’s...

It’s just fantastic to know

that there’s somebody out there in the world

thinking about you.

(indistinct chatter)

(jug band music playing)

Hey, hey, hey!

It’s Fa-a-a-a-t Albert!

FAT ALBERT: Oh, my legs!

(indistinct chatter)

Hey! Hey! Hey! Let go of my legs!

Grab his socks!

Let go of my legs! I gotta help these people.

Why, look at that guy. Ooh, look at his--

Yeah, you can’t tell me he doesn’t need my help.

Check out that lady over there. Do I detect tears?

Eh, you in the back! Where are you goin’?

It’s not over! You gotta watch the end credits.

(all grunting)

♪ And I’m gonna sing a song for you ♪

♪ And we’re gonna show you a thing or two ♪

♪ You’ll have some fun now with me and all the g*ng ♪

♪ Learnin’ from each other while we do our thing ♪

-♪ Singin’ ♪ -♪ Na, na, na

-♪ Gonna have a good time -♪ Hey, hey, hey!

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey! -♪ Na, na, na

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Hey, hey, hey

("Get Your Shine On" playing)

♪ Everybody here is feelin’ your vibe ♪

♪ Eyes glued, hands up ’cause you're doin’ it right ♪

♪ Everybody get the chance to shine, uh-huh ♪

♪ So don’t be shy ♪

♪ Did you know that everyone’s a star ♪

♪ Big time, gettin’ through no matter who you are ♪

♪ Flip the beat, and we’re switchin’ it up, yeah ♪

♪ It’s your time to ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Don’t stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah

♪ Doin’ what you're doin’ up against the wall ♪

♪ You know you wanna dance or you wouldn’t be here at all ♪

♪ Everybody’s got it goin' on and on and on ♪

♪ It’s all tonight, yeah ♪

♪ Show a little eh, eh, eh

♪ You know I like it when you uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Everybody wanna uh, uh uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Don’t stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Everybody

♪ It’s time to party ♪

♪ And time to show what you can do, yeah ♪

♪ And as I watch you

♪ I make you feel good

♪ You can, you will You know you got the moves ♪

♪ Oh, come on

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Everybody here is feelin’ the vibe ♪

♪ Eyes glued, hands up ’cause you're doin’ it right ♪

♪ Everybody get the chance to shine ♪

♪ Baby, come on Don’t be shy now ♪

♪ Show a little eh, eh, eh

♪ You know I like it when you uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Everybody wanna uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah

♪ Show a little eh, eh, eh

♪ You know I like it when you uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Everybody wanna uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Don’t stop, don't stop ♪

♪ Get your shine on

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ Shine on

♪ Come on now

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

-♪ Shine on -♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Getcha, getcha getcha shine on ♪

♪ Too, too hot, too hot

♪ They call me Fat Albert That’s my name ♪

♪ And solvin’ problems is my game ♪

♪ Now get it jumpin’ if you're feelin’ what I'm sayin’ ♪

♪ No delayin’ Hey, hey, hey, man ♪

♪ I’m so happy, I'm so glad I wanna check myself ♪

♪ Pinch myself Look at me, I love myself ♪

♪ And since fat’s where it's at I don’t wanna get skinny ♪

♪ For what, I like the bigger heart that’s within me ♪

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight ♪

-♪ Hey, yo -♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey -♪ Find a reason to jump around and move your stuff ♪

♪ Hey, yo! Ooh, ah, I like your style ♪

♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪

♪ Like na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time Hey, yo! ♪

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey -♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

-♪ Find a reason to jump around and move your stuff ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

-♪ Hey, yo -♪ Ooh, ah, I like your style

-♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na Gonna have a good time ♪

-♪ Hey, hey, hey -♪ Oh

♪ Gonna have a good time

♪ Big Al, he makes you feel all right ♪

-♪ Shake your body at the party that we’re having tonight ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

-♪ Hey, yo -♪ I know you wanna dance with us ♪

-♪ Find a reason to jump around and move your stuff ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

-♪ Hey, yo -♪ Ooh, ah, I like your style

-♪ Come on with me Let’s just break it down ♪ -♪ Hey, hey, hey

♪ Na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na ♪

-♪ Gonna have a good time -♪ Hey, yo