02x06 - Nora Meets Brenda

[bunniefuu]

KYLE: You don't
even know Heather!

STAN: I know, I know!
I-look, I can't...

[knock on door]
WALLY: Nora, can I come in?

[mouth full] Come in.

Hey, Princess.
Hey.

You in the middle
of something?

[mumbles] TV.

I just wanted to talk to you.

You know I've been going out
with Brenda for a while now.

Who's that?

- WALLY: I think it's time
that you guys met each other.

I don't know, this
could be serious.

- NORA: What does it mean...

What do you mean,
it's getting serious?

Serious, serious? Or...

- She wants to come over
tonight and make dinner for us.

- How well do you
know this "Brrrenda"?

- Just one dinner, Nora.

- Fine.

But don't be surprised if she
takes a tumble down a well.

- What?
- What?

- Did you just say...
No, please, Nora, please.

- Uh oh, I just got
my period. Gotta run.

- ♪

- Remember when kale was
just used in deli displays?

This vegetable's
come a long way.

- Yeah, heh. Sure.

- Are you okay?

You've been out of it all day.

- I'm sorry.

I'm just a little nervous
about you meeting Nora.

I'm not ready for you to die.

Mmm, I'm not ready
for you to dine.

- Wally, you are being dramatic.

- No, listen to me.

Nora has a history of
terrorizing my exes.

- No. Please, no.

[screams]

- [police radio chatter]

- Nora, you did this!

- [cries weakly]

- I never figured out how she
was able to get Lisa arrested

for tax fraud.

- Um, what about the
woman in the wheelchair

that she disemboweled?

That seems more concerning.

- Point is, Nora's always
been very weird about

the new relationship
conversation.

So... [chuckles nervously]
- -heads up.

- Yeah, but Wally, you've
gotta give her credit.

Nora's an adult now.

She's not some
traumatized, scheming,

sociopathic seven-year-old.

- [typing]

- NORA: How is she this
clean? It's impossible.

- ♪

- No.

- ♪

- Oh, stop pacing.
You're making me nervous.

- I can't help it, Bren.

- [loud stomp]

- Oh sh*t, here she comes.

- ♪

- I'm Brenda!

So nice to finally
meet you, Nora.

- I only go by my
screenname, Lil'spicybitch69.

- Oh.

- GRANDMA: Oh, Brenda,
did you make this chicken?

It's so good!

- I did! I'm so
glad you like it.

- Mm-hmm.

- So, your dad tells me that you
played the trumpet in school?

I myself played the French horn.
- NORA: Cool.

Yeah, the French
horn is known as

the inferior section
of the brass family,

specifically because it
not only looks like sh*t,

tastes like sh*t,
sounds like sh*t...

- Nora, you know, be nice, huh?

- BRENDA: No, no, no, no...
She's right, she's right.

You know, my... my son, Chuck,

he's the musical
one in the family.

You know, I wish you
could've met him tonight.

He's... he's doing
his DJ residency.

- He's a pretty good DJ.
- Yeah.

- You're gonna like
him. He's a cool guy.

- [clinks glass]

- I just wanted to make a toast.

- Oh.

- [raspy voice] To nothing.

- Here, here.

- Look at that picture!

Is that you? Oh, how cute!

- WALLY: When she
was a little kid,

we used to spend the summers
upstate at The Lone Ranger.

It's a dude ranch.

- Plus I lost my
hymen virginity there.

- [sputters, wheezes]

- Oh.
- Trotting.

- Why don't we go back?
- WALLY: Oh, no.

- BRENDA: That'd be great!
We could all go this weekend.

It'll be like a
spontaneous trip.

- I'm busy. But Nora
will go with you.

- [whispers] Why
would you do that?

- [whispers] It's a good idea.

- [whispers] You know
I don't wanna go.

- Hey, I think
that's a great idea.

- [whispers] Dad!
I don't wanna go.

- This weekend. Just
the three of us, huh?

- Ha-ha! Here, here! Mm.

Well? What did you
think of Brenda?

- They're moving too fast.

A family vacation?
Like this already?

I have intuition, and I
know when something's fishy.

And this is fishy.

And... and verifiably she
is trying to steal my skin.

I know she is.

- You always get
like this, Nora.

I know you have a good heart.

But sometimes this evil
little kid comes out.

- You know that wasn't me.

It...

It was Toeknee.

- Who?
- Toeknee?

My... imaginary
friend? You remember?

- Stop blaming your imaginary
friend for wreaking havoc on

your dad's love life.

- Toeknee's real, okay?

And you know that
he only appears

when my dad gets
new girlfriends.

And I don't know
where he comes from.

- Be a good girl, okay?

- Fine! But only
because I love you.

Not all these other
m*therf*ckers out here.

- I'm gonna take this.

- ♪

- Yeah, well, it
smells the same.

- Okay! Yeah, I love
it. It's so cute!

- WALLY: You like it?
- BRENDA: Yeah!

- Hey, I know.

Let's leave everything here
and go get something to eat.

I'm starving.

- Oh, yeah! I'm sure
the food's great.

- Oh, I'm all right.
You guys can go ahead.

- Are you sure you're
all right, Princess?

- Yeah, but I already
feel like I have to do...

some poop.

- Okay.
- See you later.

- ♪

- [door shuts]

- ♪

- Long time, no see!
[chuckles]

- Toeknee?

- No, no, no, it
can't be. It can't be.

- 'Tis I, shitbird!

- What are you
doing here, Toeknee?

- Okay, first, it's Toe-Knee.

I can tell when you're spelling
it wrong in your head, kids.

Don't belittle me.

- Okay, you, you, need to go,
because I am going to go to

a f*cking mental
institution because of you!

- Hey, there's a reason
I'm here and you know it.

Come on, saddlebags! Remember
all of our good times?

- [country music playing]
- [evil laughing]

- [screams]

- Nora, you did this!
- [evil laughing]

[evil laughing]

- Right. And then
I get in trouble

for all your little
shenanigans, okay?

My dad almost went on Maury!

- Oh, I would've loved that!

- This is a bad
trip and I gotta go.

I gotta go.

- Back in the day, we didn't
have all of your technologies.

What we did, we did...
- [bangs churn]

- Butta, butta,
butta, butta, butta.

All right, that was great!
Thank you for coming.

- [applause]

- I like butter.
- WALLY: Ah, this looks good.

- BRENDA: Yeah.

- Greetings! [laughs]

- Sweetie, are you okay?

- I'm okay. Mm.

Can you leave?

- You want me to leave?

- No, no, no, no.
[stutters]

- [farts]

- Nora, come on.

- [whispers] It wasn't me.

It wasn't. It was that guy.

- [chuckles]

- [farts]

- That's a stinky one.

- [farts louder]

- Stop farting, you fart f*ck!

[muffled speech]

- ♪

- BRENDA: She's unique.

- [laughing] Oh, man!

That was classic!

[laughs]

- Toeknee?

You need to leave right now.

- Why? We're
having so much fun.

And that Brenda,
whoa, she is trouble.

- I promised my
grandma I'd be good.

And also, Brenda? She's
actually pretty nice.

- Hey, she only seems nice now.

But that's all because
she, you know...

[mumbles] I don't know.
- What?

- I don't know, maybe she,
like, wants to steal your skin.

- What?

- She's going to steal
your skin, you idiot!

And then she's probably
gonna ship your a*s

off to boarding school
in Middle Earth.

- Where's that?

- Then she's gonna start pulling
off all your old pictures until

your daddy don't even
remember you no more.

But, since you don't need
me, I'll be going, I guess.

- No, no, don't go, don't go.

I think I do... I do need you.

I need you.

- I know, baby. I know.

- Okay, Toeknee, don't call me
"baby" and pet me like that.

- Can I call you broad?
- No!

- Sweet cheeks?
- No!

- Dulce de leche?

- Okay, I'll allow that one.

- You were feeling that
one. Okay, there we go...

- Can you...

- ♪

- [yells triumphantly]

- WALLY: Stand back, stand back.
- BRENDA: Okay, you go, you go.

- Okie-dokie, poodle.

Time to break
these lovebirds up.

Heh, heh, heh...

- What is that thing?

- You know, it's
for, like, camping.

You put it out in the woods. It
makes, like, predator noises.

Look, coyote, fox,

wolf, baby coyote.

It's got all manner of bears.
- Okay.

How is that gonna
help us get to Brenda?

- Oh, you'll find out.
[laughs]

There's porridge, the
sound of porridge.

- Shut the f*ck up.

- You shut the f*ck
up! What the hell?

- ♪

♪ OXGANG run up
in and run amuck ♪

♪ Y-O-X what it
is, what the f*ck ♪

♪ Run up in, run
up in, run amuck ♪

♪ What it is, what it
is, what the f*ck ♪

♪ What, y'all thought
y'all wasn't gonna see me ♪

♪ All up in ya systems,
crawled into ya mixtures ♪

♪ Y'all don't get the
picture, call me an enigma ♪

♪ My pot to piss in
I'll pour it on them ♪

♪ Throwin' foreign objects

♪ Run up in, run
up in, run amuck ♪

♪ What it is, what it
is, what the f*ck ♪

- [toilet flushes]

- Oh, hey, you've been
in there a long time.

Is everything... oh, wow.

- I feel so light.

Usually when I travel, every
bowel movement is a blessing.

But I just had a miracle.

- Yeah, ee... you're
really glowing, Bren.

You look beautiful.

- Hey, where did I put my bag?

- WALLY: Oh, it was right there.

Oh, no, did we leave the
door unlocked or something?

- Mm. What a shame.

- No, it doesn't
matter! Doesn't matter!

Wherever my clothes
are, I wish them peace.

- BOTH: [chuckling]

- Hey, you know, they
got a gift shop here.

Maybe they got something.

- Yes.

- [laughs] Gift shop?

Hope you're okay lookin'
like a grade-A dork, Brenda!

- BOTH: [laughing]

- Howdy, I'm Cowboy Joe.
You must be new in town.

I'll tell ya, Bren, you look
like a completely different

person in that get-up.

It's almost like I'm cheatin'.

- That's not funny, Wally.

- Okay, BoCankles,
we gotta up our game.

None of this is working.

Your dad's more into
Brenda than ever.

- ♪ Boom, boom

♪ Boom, when I'm
riding the horses ♪

- I got an idea.

- [ding]
- NORA: Oh, thank you.

Do you have butter lettuce?

- Ask them if they got rats.

- They... they don't...
- Dead rats.

- Shut the hell up.
- With the ranch sauce.

- I don't want... he
doesn't want rats.

I don't want rats. [laughs]

- ♪

- Lettuce is so crisp.

- Hello, Wally.

It is I, Deborah.

The woman with whom
you had an affair?

- I'm sorry, what?

- Yeah, we met, you know,
on the biblical sense.

You don't recall?

- Ah, more vigor, Debbie!

She was better in rehearsal.

- The touching of our bodies
together, you know, uh,

so to speak, as it were?

All right, yeah, come on, Wally.

Don't make me say it. I
don't relish being crude.

- Oh my... Dad!

Did you cheat on Brenda?

- Oh, oh sh*t!

No one likes a cheater!

- No, no, no, no, no!

- Oh, wait!

Is this this
colonial roleplaying

experimental acting thingy?

- [laughs]

- You're very watchable.
You're very watchable.

That's rare.

- Watchable?
What, is she high?

- Nobody ever tells
me anything nice.

- WALLY: Oh, no,
you're very good.

- DEBORAH: Oh my god...

- This is so wild!

Brenda, she's,
like, untouchable!

- Well, she does have a
very likeable personality.

- Hey, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

- No, I'm not.

- Then let's both
say it on three.

One, two, three... m*rder!

- What?

I'm not k*lling Brenda.

Are you f*cking crazy?

- Crazy would be
pulling more baby pranks

and expecting them to work.

m*rder is the least crazy thing,

especially for this
kind of threat.

- Brenda is not a threat.

She's, like, the
nicest person ever.

- She needs to go.

- No, Toeknee, I'm
drawing the line, there.

And you should draw a line too.

- [sighs] Yeah, you're right.

- Thank you.

- Psych!

[laughs gleefully]
- Toeknee, no!

- Sucker!

- [door shuts]

- Where are you, Toeknee!?

- Looking for me, bird t*ts?

- Put that down.

You don't know how
to use that thing.

- So? I can figure it out.
It's called YouTube, b*tch.

- Oh, you got a computer?

- [struggling]

- What the hell? We're
on the same side, here!

I'm trying to protect you
from that soul-sucking woman

who's got your dad
all dickmatized!

- Okay, listen to
me! She's not evil.

In fact, she really
cares about my dad.

And I... think
she's a good woman.

- Then why the f*ck am I here?

- [grunting]

- Kick me? You gonna kick me?

- Okay, all right, all right.

- TOEKNEE: Oh yeah?

- You wanna...
- Be that way.

- Silly b*tch, huh, huh?

- NORA: Get the f*ck away!

- [grunts]

- We all have our demons.

- NORA: Toeknee, I know
you don't wanna hear this.

And I know you're just
here to protect me.

[pants] But I want
my dad to be happy.

And I don't want this anymore.

And I like Brenda.

- What?

- I like Brenda.

I'm sorry, Toeknee.

- I'm proud of you, kid.

You, uh... you really grew up.

- Can you just fade away

like a normal f*cking
imaginary friend.

- [xylophone notes]

- Ooh.

[exhales]

- ♪

- BRENDA: like wait,
what happened to Benji?

That was his name.
How original.

His name was Benji!
- WALLY: [laughs]

- But I liked it.

- That's cute.

- You're so funny.

- BRENDA: Oh...

- I love you, Bren.

Uh, just... it's been such a
long time since Tia passed.

And I just haven't met
anyone that I feel so...

strongly about, you know?

I mean, Nora was a
big part of that.

But... it was me too.

Do you, uh, feel a similar way?

- Yeah, I love you.

- Oh, I thought so.

- [laughs]

- My stomach.

I gotta...
- [stomach gurgles]

- go take a shower.

- Wally?
- What?

- I know you're gonna go poop.

And it's okay.

You can do that around me now.

- I'm really
prairie-dogging here, Bren.

- BRENDA: Oh, no, just go.

Just go, go, go, go, run, run.

- Oh, no.

Come on!

- [flicks lighter frantically]

- Looking for this?

- Toeknee...

Are you... are you real?

- Uh, yeah, yeah, I think so.

- Sorry. I, um, been imagining

some very non-sexy,
non-real things today.

Kind of...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Makes sense, yeah.
- Yeah.

- [sighs] These family
things suck, huh?

- Yeah, tell me about it.

- [crickets chirping]

- Thanks.

- ♪

- You... what?

Why are you looking...
Why are you looking at me?

- I'm sorry. I just, um...

I've never wanted to kiss
a stranger so badly before.

- Me neither.

- ♪

- Whoa!
- [shouting]

- Just looking for a pony
that escaped from the stable.

You know, what a
slippery sh*t bag.

I mean, uh, good ol' boy.

Sorry, kids.

- Wow.

- Um, okay, well, that's a
sign that I should probably go.

But it was good meeting you.

And I hope that you're real.

- I am real.

Like J.Lo featuring Ja Rule.

- Okay, they were real in
a different way, but...

- Both real.
- Right. Bye.

- Yeah.

- [hums]

Hey! I got you pancakes!

- Oh, yeah, wow.

Yeah.

Um...

Brenda, I... I... I...

I wanted to tell you
that you have really...

beautiful teeth.

They look very
naturally beautiful.

And I... you know, my dad's
always been a teeth guy.

- That means the world to me.

You know, I know all
that you've been through.

And seeing the girl you
are today, you know,

if I had a daughter, I'd want
her to turn out just like you.

- That's very nice, but I feel
like if you had a daughter,

you should aim higher.

- No! No.

Oh, there he is! There he is.

Nora, I want you
to meet someone.

It's my son, Chuck.

- Mom!
- Hi!

- Yeah!

- Wait! Oh, oh, wait.

That's your son, Chuck.

- Yes!

- Half... hapa.

- Yeah, I... I... I have a type.

- Nora. You're Nora.

- Son.

Mother.

Brother.

- What?
- What?

- No.

- I can't wait for you guys
to spend some quality time

together, huh?
That'll be fun, right?

- You know, I'm actually
down for that, yeah.

- Oh, I would love that, yes.

- Great.
- NORA: Yeah.

- BRENDA: Get some food!
- Oh, yeah,

I'll get you some brea...
I'll get some pancakes.

Those look good.

- ♪

- NORA: [nervous
chuckle] So, um,

how long were you
in the country?

- Got some cantaloupe there?

- I'll just use my fingers.
It's, uh... it's a lot of fruit.

- ♪

♪♪

- Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?

- ♪

- ♪ MTV