02x01 - Never Too Old

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ Oh, yeah

♪ Oh, I feel so
good... so good ♪

♪ I feel so good... so good ♪

♪ Let me carry on and be like ♪

♪ Bang bang, skr skr,
yah yah, g*ng g*ng ♪

[alarm rings, vibrates]

♪ Bang bang, skr skr,
yah yah, g*ng g*ng ♪

♪ Aw yeah, aw yeah,
aw yeah, aw yuh ♪

♪ Bang bang, skr skr,
yah yah, g*ng g*ng ♪

♪ Bang bang, skr skr,
yah yah, g*ng g*ng ♪

♪ Aw yeah, aw yeah,
aw yeah, aw yuh ♪

♪

- NORA: Good morning, Gene!
- Maggie still mad you?

You better talk to her.
I'll see you at lunch.

[elevator dings]

NORA: Get back to
work, you guys!

Especially you,
Brian! Just kidding.

Hey, what's up,
Naomi? How ya doin'?

Oh, oh, oh, oh! Oh,
oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

All right, that's it.

Hey, hey, hey, I remember
you from yesterday.

You got my tequila?

[laughter]

He doesn't even
know Adobe Premiere.

He has Illustrator, but
it's like the demo version.

And then he died!

[group quiets]

- Yeah, no, no, no, don't, no.
- No, but no, it was funny.

- Admit it, admit it.
- [laughter]

♪ Get the sugar
for the tasting ♪

♪ Bring Dro, see me
puffing and passing ♪

♪ Sit back, watch me get...

Hi, guys.

♪

[giggling]

♪

- What are you looking at?
- Nah... ah, no, nothing.

I wasn't star... I wasn't
staring at you guys.

Ah, I was staring. But
not in a sexual way.

I'm walking. I'm
just walking home.

♪

- Hey, Nora. What's up?
- Hey. Daniel?

- Yeah.
- Whoa!

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah,
yes, okay, yeah.

- Damn.
- Yeah.

Nora. This glow up!

No, no. You! You're a glow up.

Look at that. Look at that!

- I got a new job.
- Okay.

- I did, yeah. Paralegal.
- Nice.

Yeah, you know,
Binder and Binder?

"Bihnder and Bihnder."

Oh, no, I know,
they do good work,

- but this is "Bynder and Bynder."
- Oh.

Anyways, it's just in the
meantime while I study

- for law school, so...
- NORA: Oh, man, law school.

That's... that's amazing, dude.

Last time I saw you, you were
like chasing packages down.

- [laughs] Yeah.
- That's good.

Sorry I haven't
texted you in a while.

- It's just...
- No, that's okay.

But I was thinking
about you the other day.

I was in, um, Chinatown,
at this bake shop.

They had... that
one fruit, you know?

That one fruit that smells
like hot zombie a*s?

- Durian.
- Yes!

Yes, they had durian in there.

- Yes, you hate durian.
- I hate it.

I would rather have sex with
my grandfather than eat that.

- NORA: Oh, really?
- You do... that's a horrible act.

- Honestly...
- It's not that bad.

- It is pretty bad.
- It's pretty bad.

It's delicious.

You wanna agree to
disagree over drinks?

- Right now?
- Yeah, why not?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's do it.

- All right, let's go.
- NORA: Okay.

DANIEL: It really
is that bad, though.

- NORA: No, it... it's...
- It's an acquired taste.

DANIEL: Okay, okay.

Well, then how do I
acquire the taste?

NORA: You just put
it in your mouth.

DANIEL: Okay. Okay, okay.

♪

♪ I hear ya, baby

♪ You ain't like
all the others ♪

♪ When I'm near ya, baby

♪ It feels like something
of another world ♪

♪ Don't mind them ladies

♪ I ain't no Casanova, no, no

♪ But if you got time,
I'll change your mind ♪

♪ I need to

♪ It don't take years to find

♪ That old-fashioned
kinda love ♪

♪ I doubt that we're
defined by dotted lines ♪

♪ For, forever in
the songs I sing ♪

♪ Wherever you may go, I'll be ♪

♪ Whenever you feel
lost, I'll... ♪

- [zapping]
- NORA: Aah!

This is so embarrassing.
I... I apologize for this.

DANIEL: Don't worry about it.

Oh. Oh, f*ck! My god! Oh!

It's all right,
buddy. We're all good.

Don't... don't mess
with electrocute-ticity.

I can't believe my legs broke
when I got electrocuted.

So crazy.

♪

What... what are we doing here?

I wanted to take you
where we first met.

Or, not where we first
met. Where we re-met.

♪

- Oh. Oh! Oh my god.
- Oh my god. Oh my god.

Slippyhead. Wake up.

- What?
- Slippyhead!

- Time for work soon!
- No, no, no!

Nora! Wake up!

Let's just get married
right the f*ck now!

GRANDMA: Wake up, Nora!

Aah! Aah! Oh, yes! Wah, no!

Oh... I was having a dream.

- You have to go to work!
- I... I can hear you!

- Get up.
- I am.

Get up.

I'm awake. My eyes are open.

WALLY: Grandma, it's delicious,

but it doesn't
exactly build muscle.

Okay? I mean, I love
you, but it's...

Uh-oh, somebody's
gonna be late... again.

Because Grandma woke me up

on the wrong side of
the bed this morning.

- Shame on you, Grandma!
- Hey, don't blame it on me.

- I shouldn't be your alarm clock.
- Then don't be.

You don't have to
be my alarm clock.

There's technology for that now.

Grandma, remember when she
thought she could live alone?

- GRANDMA: Oh, yeah.
- I don't know how...

I don't even know
how she functions.

She's like that
chipmunk tornado.

Yeah! What?

It's the Tasmanian Devil, okay?

- A chipmunk is small.
- That's what I said.

- Oh, what's the difference?
- It's like a mole.

Oh, my god.

GRANDMA: She's got her shirt
tucked in her underwear.

Hey, that's my underwear! Yes!

WALLY: You're wearing
Grandma's underwear?

No, I'm not wearing
Grandma's underwear.

These are my underwears.

I bought these
from the .99 store.

- You break it, you buy it.
- She's wearing it.

I don't think you're
gonna get it back now.

- [sighs] Found it.
- Oh, it's the holy vape.

It's camouflage so
it's harder to find.

- You need that, don't you?
- For work.

Now you can work.

- Yeah, and guess what?
- And guess what?

You two are mean-spirited.

- WALLY: Mean-spir...
- Oh, come on,

- I'm sorry!
- Wash that underwear!

Come back and have
some breakfast.

Princess!

♪

- Oh, Teddy!
- Skoot skoot, hit the whoa!

What's up?

I haven't seen you
around the block.

Where you've been?

I'm just at school
now, actually, Nora.

Oh.

Yeah, just home for the weekend.

- Oh! Ortmo, cool!
- Dartmouth, yes!

That's cool. Big...
Big 5, right?

It's just been nice to
finally move out, you know?

Be on my own.

I once too had
ambitious of that.

What with the economy now, like,

I don't trust gold anymore,
you know what I mean?

Anyway, I'm late because
I have a J-O-B now. Job.

I'm gonna get, uh...
Hey, Teddy, by the way?

Um, you and your
friends need weed?

'Cuz, um, I do that too.

- No.
- Okay, yeah.

I'll see you later,
yeah, for sure.

All right, gotta go.

MERLENE: Bath bombs,
lip balms, creams, oils,

salves... Nora!

Hey, we're glad
you could join us.

You're eight minutes late,
so that's another strike.

I got totally lost.

I ended up on Canal Street
and I got confused because

the "C" was missing and
I was like, "a**l Street?

I mean, where am I?"

Well, moving forward, I would
prefer that you came in on time

or within the
five-minute grace period,

which is already super
flexible on my part.

Yeah, going forward, yes, and
I... I... I apologize to you.

Okay, corporate is
gonna be here today,

so let's implement
best practices.

And just as a reminder
to our sales associates,

we are a CBD store.

Please don't tell our
customers to smoke weed.

- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
- Don't do... don't go do that.

A girl I went to high school
with died from smoking weed.

It's like really dangerous.

- Sorry, who is this?
- Who is this?

Stacy. Here is our
newest sales associate,

which you'd know if
you'd be here on time.

She'll be your
trainee for the day.

Please show her around.

Why can't Celine
show her around?

I just moved here
yesterday from Iowa.

Isn't this exciting,
the Big Apple?

Oh yeah, Big Apples, yup.

Um, well, I guess I'll
start with the restrooms.

Uh, more of a bring your
own TP sort of situation.

Okay.

♪

[door shuts]

DOCTOR: So, Mrs. Lin,
sorry for the long wait.

I have your test results.

It's organ failure, isn't it?

Cataracts, gout?

Or at least an a**l fissure?

Well, the results did
come back... abnormal.

[gasps] I knew I was dying!

My final wish is that

all my bathing suits go to Nora.

No, you're not dying.

In fact, you're
extremely healthy.

You have the organs of
a 23-year-old Mormon.

- What?
- Yes!

Your ears, heart, lungs,
they're all outperforming.

It's as if you were
Benjamin Button.

You are legitimately in the
best shape of your life.

Aw, you don't know my life.

♪

- [text whoosh]
- Who are you texting?

Why are you so obsessed with me?

Go on, get out of here.

Okay, the key to sales is
you gotta work the customer.

Watch and learn.

Hi, there. Welcome to,
uh, CBD Bliss Zone.

You guys interested
in lotions, perhaps?

Because, uh, I got one
that would relax the body,

but also makes, uh, that
late-night bump bump...

- How did you know?
- Oh, I knew.

- His legs get cramped in 69.
- NORA: Oh, no.

I have a excellent lotion that I
think you should definitely try.

Thank you, thank you.

We'll spread this
all over you, baby.

Try this out, I knew from
the moment you guys walked in

you were a bunch
of freaks. [laughs]

So, bro, listen. I agree.

CBD ain't really sh*t,
you know what I mean?

I know a guy. He...
he dreams in blue.

I'll DM you his
number, you know?

I'm the guy.

I'm the guy that...
that sells weed.

So Crohn's disease, wow.

Yeah, it's just... so
you're always sh1tting?

I'm... I'm jealous,
to be honest.

I got Bristol Ones every
two weeks, you know?

I... I could give you a
bath b*mb, but, you know,

obviously don't shove
it in your as*h*le,

which I... I don't think you
would, 'cuz... 'cuz the Crohn's.

Wow, Nora, you're,
like, so good at sales.

- Yeah, you know, NBD, CBD.
- Just, uh, vibin' with it.

And it is so cool that you
get to do your dream job.

Yeah, I don't know if this
is my... my dream job.

This is just a... you know, a gig.
Something that pays the bills.

You know, this is like dumb,
but I've always wanted to be

like Carrie Bradshaw.

Sarah Jessica Parker
played her in this...

- I know who, yeah.
- Very famous role.

And not just because of all
the hot guys her and her aunts

were able to score. [Sighs]

- Did you say her aunts?
- Yeah, were those her aunts?

Stacy, those were her friends.

- Oh! Yeah, that makes sense.
- Yup.

Well, anyway, call me a dreamer,

but living in New
York is my dream.

Let me just give you
some advice real quick.

Um, New York is
going to chew you up

and it's gonna spit you out.

It's gonna swallow you down,
and it's gonna sh*t you out into

a pile of diarrhea
sh*t dreams, okay?

And you will struggle.
You'll struggle every day.

Every minute of your life,
you wake up and struggle.

You go to sleep, struggle. Okay?

And I just want you to proceed
with caution because it's gonna

hit ya like a brick wall.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

I see.

You're more of an Aunt Miranda.

[chuckles] Yeah.

[both moan]

Do you wanna just get away
from me for a little bit?

- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, okay.

♪

Thank you, guys, all for coming.

I have a big announcement.

Oh, is your rich grandson
Edmund back from China?

No, he's still there.

And stop thirsting,
Siqi. He's 30!

Anyway, I had an epiphany
at the doctor's office.

Old age isn't just a long,
slow march toward death,

but rather a new lease on life.

You have a lot of white hair.

- Li-Wei, look at me.
- I feel healthier than ever.

And braver than ever, too.

Somebody punch me! Fight me!

I wanna feel the
rush of being alive!

Asians don't raisin, baby!

I do feel very strong.

I thought I was having
a heart attack in 2015.

It turns out I was just
having a sip of energy drink.

You shouldn't drink that
stuff with your diabetes.

Don't tell me what to do, Siqi.

At least I don't walk like
I'm permanently hula-hooping.

I was born bowlegged!

Siqi, are you gonna let
Li-Wei talk to you like that?

Oh, hell no.

You're a b*tch, Li-Wei!

- You are a b*tch!
- No, you're a b*tch!

GRANDMA: Okay, you two
need to get more insults.

But there is one
way to settle this!

♪

- Ready?
- I own you!

- I own you.
- I own you!

Oh, shut up already. Begin!

[grunting]

♪

[screams triumphantly]

GRANDMA: Yeah!

That's what I'm talkin' about!

I got next!

NORA: And this here is
our credit card machine.

We call her, uh, Lil'
Swipey. She's beautiful.

Um, and, uh, we're a cashless
business, obviously, up in here.

Uh, which... Which
has its downsides

and... and... and its upsides.

Downsides being that
you can't steal money.

STEVEN: Hey, there.

Can we get that
uniform tucked in?

I'm sorry, what?

Everyone else has their
uniform tucked in, so...

Oh, so you think because
you're a man that you can come

walking around here
telling women what to do

with their bodies, right? Right?

Uh, there's this word, I
think it's called feminism.

And... and... and do you know
what... what... what femin-isn't?

You coming up in here and
telling women how and how not

to wear their uniforms,
like you own the company.

- Actually, I do.
- Oh, wow.

- This is getting tucked.
- I will tuck this in.

Thank you.

I was checking in
from corporate.

- STACY: Yeah.
- Yeah.

I will... I will
tuck this in so hard,

I will loop it around
like a bathing suit.

Well...

We went to high school together.

Steven Rauch?

- NORA: Steven Rauch.
- Oh, yeah, yes, yes!

You were a really special
kid and I knew it back then.

I'm so sorry about
what happened just now.

Uh, please... please
don't fire me.

I... I kinda need this
job and, you know...

STACY: Yeah, you
cannot fire Nora.

She's like super passionate
about what goes on here.

She's been showing
me the ropes all day.

And she's like ah-mazing.

This job is everything for her.

Not everything.

Okay, just wear
the uniform right.

NORA: You got it, Steve.

Isn't that kooky that you
guys were in the same grade,

and now he owns the company that
you're a sales associate at?

It's not that kooky.

Serendipity! Am I right?

OMG, this reminds me of a SATC
episode when Aunt Charlotte

had too many cosmos,
and then she bought...

♪

[customers talking]

♪

DOUG: What's up, Nora?

Oh. Hey, Doug.

- This is Annie.
- Meet my new friend.

- Hey.
- Hi, there.

Why don't you go check
out the serums, babe?

ANNIE: My god, I love it here.

Smells like my stepdad.

- Oh, okay.
- You heard that?

- What the f*ck, dude?
- What happened to Melanie?

I don't know.

We got into a fight and
she started to choke me.

But Annie's hella cool. Her
ADHD makes her fun as sh*t.

Is, um, she all right down here?

Oh, yeah, yeah, she fell
off a big-a*s mountain.

Oh, seriously?

I... I just don't
know what I'm gonna do

when that cast comes off.
I love how clumsy she is.

- She's like Amelia Bedelia.
- NORA: Mm-hmm.

- She makes me feel less lonely.
- Yeah, I... I feel that.

She... she... she
seems really great.

Anyways, hit you up soon.

Annie, hold up!

She's on crutches, Doug.

♪

You wanna know
something, Li-Wei?

I think you smell like
an old-a*s Fig Newton.

And I hate it!

Do you want to know what
happens at the end of your

favorite K-drama, "You
From Another Star"?

No, you wouldn't!

Min-Joon disappears,

and comes back at the end to
join Song-yi in her timeline!

No, no! Aah!

- Winner!
- Yeah! Benjamin Button!

[cackles]

[laughing]

[loud crack]

Oh, crap.

[footsteps]

- OMG, I got accepted.
- What?

To The New School.

I got a full ride and a
dorm on the Upper West Side.

Just like Carrie Bradshaw!

Aah! Isn't this exciting?

And I'll be able to do
my in-semester internship

at Hearst Publishing.

How did that happen?

You flew into
LaGuardia yesterday.

Well, it's just
like you said, Nora.

New York is a dream.

No, no. I didn't say that.

I said the opposite of that.

Do you need any help
to lock up or...

- No. Go, celebrate.
- Thanks.

♪

[couple giggling]

♪

- Hey.
- Oh my god.

- Nora.
- Daniel? Whoa. Whoa, whoa.

Oh my god, wow. How are you?

- I... I'm good.
- I've been so good.

- You've been so good.
- So good.

Whoa! I... I haven't
seen you around.

Yeah, no, I moved
to Carroll Gardens,

so I'm not in Queens anymore.

Nice. Yeah, that's
a nice neighborhood.

It's crazy that... that I'm
seeing you right now because.

I, uh... you were in a
dream that I had recently.

So, uh, yeah,
really, really weird.

Um, but what... would you wanna
like grab a drink or something?

- Hey, baby!
- Uh-oh!

Hey, babe, what's up?

Let's go! We're gonna be late.

Right. Uh, Nora, this is Nova.

- Hey. Nova. Like my name.
- DANIEL: Right.

- So great to meet you.
- So great to meet you as well.

We're about to go
to a concert, so...

Okay!

But it was great
running into you.

It was so great
running... yeah, for sure.

It's really nice to see you.
Awesome, okay. Oh, whoa.

Okay, no I can...
Ha, ha, ha, yeah.

All right, catch ya later.

All right. Okay. Yeah.

That dream was so
real, wasn't it?

[tinkling, mystical music]

- What?
- You're lost.

You need to figure yourself out.

You must find your flame.

Find what drives you.

- Okay, will do.
- Nice to meet you and your plant.

See you later, Nora!

♪

- [dog barking]
- [horn honking]

[groans]

- NORA: You all right?
- Smells like Tiger Balm.

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just had a
good-ol' slap fight.

I cracked my back.

What's up with you?

You look sad.

NORA: No, I'm good.

Just the same old
sh*t, you know?

Nothing ever changes.

Nora... life begins
whenever you want it to.

- You're never too old.
- Yeah.

Tomorrow, um, you don't
have to wake me up.

- I'm gonna set my own alarm.
- Okay.

And if... if you do need
to wake me up, though,

and you see that
I'm really happy

just let me sleep for
like five more minutes.

Of course, bao bao.

I love you.

Love you too.

♪

♪♪

Who the [bleep] is Awkwafina?

♪

♪ MTV