02x10 - A Man for All Shack-Up Seasons

[bunniefuu]

Cousin Leon: It all started

with my dad's dresser.

Five drawers high, and

the top drawer was actually

two drawers,

and one on the left

had it all.

I rummaged through that drawer

every day, touching everything,

little pocket knives,

broken watch,

and a deck of playing cards

with sexy ladies on them.

I wanted to marry

the three of clubs so bad.

In many ways,

I'm still

chasing that top-left drawer.

It's ruined everything.

My name is Cousin Leon,

and I'm a rummager.

Uh

this is a book club meeting.

♪ Yes, I can love you, baby ♪

♪ All night long ♪

Roger: This is Laughingstick

in the Morning.

Shack up season

is on the horizon,

the fifth season on the rez.

And like desperate

squirrels gathering nuts,

people are rushing around,

trying to hook up ahead

of the long, cold winter.

Speaking of hook-ups,

Rose and Stephen Harper

are getting married soon,

and Paul will be the best man.

Will he ever find

someone to shack up with?

- Ronny: Fok!

- Roger: Who knows?

Pants is all f*cked up!

♪ I can't believe ♪

♪ My f*cking eyes ♪

♪ I wanna shack up with you

(f*ck' love you) ♪

Stupid BMX,

the pants got caught in the

gears doing power slides.

Believe it or not, the same

thing used to happen to me.

Here.

You're Chief Jo's bro, huh?

Barely recognize

you in that tie.

- What the f*ck is this sh*t?

- I can help.

Oh, have at 'er.

You like mac and cheese?

With cut up wieners?

Is there any other way?

Not that I know of.

I gotta go.

I've got business things to do.

Yeah, same. My buds are waiting.

Oh. Hey, I almost

forgot to give you your tape.

It's funny, eh? Tape,

how it can, uh, stick

two things together.

Like rez dogs?

Well, I'd invite you

over to my house, but, uh,

Dad's building it onto his.

Guess who's going

to have her own door?

(clicking tongue)

This chick right here.

You could come to my place.

I'd like that.

See you later.

Jo: So, what do you think

about your new high school?

I don't know, Ma.

This place is

a pile of hot trash.

You sure this is

gonna be ready in time?

It's got some good bones in it.

(thudding)

(crashing)

Chickadee: Yeah, broken bones.

It just needs

a bit of elbow grease.

It looks uneven.

Dean: Ah, chill, bro.

My father is

not a chill guy, Dean.

Look, I haven't told anybody

this before, Dean, but

well, this company has been

in my family since the 1600s.

My father is Sir William

Northstore IV,

a direct descendant of

Sir William Northstore,

who founded the company.

And, uh,

well, as you can imagine,

my family has

a difficult history.

Sir William I came to this

continent in search of riches.

Before long,

he built an empire on furs,

but he didn't share

any of that with your ancestors.

Dean: Oh, so you greased us.

Greg: Yeah, Dean.

He built posts all over, moving

your people out of the way

and getting richer

by the second.

Whoa, bro!

We have way more

in common than you think.

- How's that?

- We both think your dad sucks.

I swear, you want to get

anything done around here,

you got to do it yourself.

Cousin Leon:

Heard you could use a hand.

What are you still doing here,

you greasy dirtbag?

Never left.

So, you've just been lurking

around, like some kind of lurk?

Come on. Let me help.

It's my way to apologize.

You wanna help?

Grab a scrub brush.

Ma, you can't be serious.

You can start by washing

all the weenuks off the wall.

No problem.

Yeesh!

This one could

use some antibiotics.

Ronny: Ugh. Is this vegetables?

Uh, it's actually

called parsley.

French people do it.

Oh, hard pass.

But, uh, it's okay.

I bring my own

pepperettes anyway.

So, I was thinking, maybe later,

we could go for a walk.

Fok! Bit my fok'n tongue!

You okay?

Yeah, it's just

because I eat real fast.

(phone chiming)

As I was saying,

maybe later,

you and I can go for a walk.

Or maybe we can

play some cribbage.

Are you ignoring me right now?

No, it's just

my buddies want me to come by,

so we can

ghost-ride bikes later.

- Oh, yeah?

- You ever do that?

It's when

you run beside your bike,

and you take it up a hill

(whispering:)

you push it down,

and you watch it crash.

I mean, that sounds

cool, if that's

something you're into.

Nah, that's fine.

I'm going to stay here

and we're gonna play

"crimmage".

I'm going to make some juice.

Juice.

Seems a little crooked.

I checked it with a level.

No matter, I didn't

come here to look at signs.

I came here to talk to my son.

- Alone.

- Oh.

Yes, back to work.

Back to work, everybody.

Oh.

You there, worker.

Had a long journey,

fetch me a coffee.

Worker?

(chuckling)

You got the wrong bro, bro.

I just gave you a direct order.

Look, man.

I ain't no corporate sell-out,

button down, corn-fed,

buttoned--

Okay, Dean, hey.

Why don't you go cool off?

Okay, man.

I will cool off.

I trust you'll burn that

,as per North Store policy?

Yes, sir.

Oh. Those are our

number one seller.

Gregory, I'm afraid

you're being

taken advantage of here.

You've always

been such a pushover

I don't know about that,

Dad. I

Okay.

Have one on my tab, bro.

Roger (on radio:) Sorry, Hilda.

I've told you a million times,

I don't know

where to get a hitman.

What's your

fascination with hitmen?

Painted over every

weenuk in the school,

all 83 of them.

Hey, thanks, Leon.

Roger: This one's for all of you

working away at the school.

(twangy rock music

playing on radio)

I love this one!

Me too!

Turn it up!

(twangy rock music

playing on radio)

This is too much.

(twangy rock music

playing on radio)

♪

h*'leh.

Nice dance moves.

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(both laughing)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

This Leon's not too bad.

Told you, Cousin Leon's dead.

All right,

let's get back to work.

Hey, do you wanna

pass me that tape?

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(chuckling)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

Do you just see the future?

Yeah. You?

Yeah.

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(woman singing in

Indigenous language)

(wind gusting)

She f*ck' greased me?

(knocking)

Hey, Paul.

I'm sorry I greased you.

Here, I, uh

brought you something.

Try one.

Pepperettes?

Go ahead, help yourself.

(chuckling)

How can I make it up to you?

You want to come

ghost-ride bikes with me?

No. I've got plans with my mom.

Oh, moms love me, bro.

Okay.

So, you want to come over?

Yeah, I want to meet your moms.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Oh, nut shot! Psych!

Ow!

This is so crazy, hey?

You, me.

It's not that crazy.

Well, I just mean, like,

I'm the chief

and you are Leon.

It's not that crazy.

You want some more ice cream?

Sure.

Why'd you do that?

Do what?

Take your purse.

It was just sitting out

and I thought

I want to freshen up

and my makeup's in there.

You thought

I was going to rummage.

No, no.

I know that you've changed.

Chickadee: Ma, you home? Ma

- Hide! Hide!

- why is the door locked?

You weren't at the school.

Still a shitload of work to do.

I was just on my way over there.

You're acting weird.

Let's go get some

snacks on the way.

You don't want any snacks?

Now, that's weird.

Let's go.

(sobbing)

Who wants spaghetti?

Oh, that's you crying.

Thought Nelson

lost his mom again.

I'm not crying.

There just must be onions

in these spaghetti cans.

This is about

your dad, isn't it?

He makes me feel so small.

You know what the cure

is for feeling small?

It's getting big.

And you know who

famously said that?

I can't

Me! And you know

what else I said?

I said, it's time for you

to get out from under

your dad's bullshit and quit.

Dean, I can't just quit.

If you're a descendant

of Sir William,

then you are bound by

a lifetime contract.

It's signed

right out of the womb.

The only way out

is through death.

Or firing, but I haven't figured

out how I could get fired. I

Greg, you've come

to the right guy.

You came to me.

(sniffing)

Oh, that smells great, Angus.

Agnes! It's Agnes.

Oh, well, thank you

for picking the parsleys

out of my soup, Agnes.

No problem, Ronny.

- So, you like bikes, Ronny?

- Mm-hmm. Mmm

You know, if you eat

too fast, you could

f*ck!

Oww! Every f*ck' time!

(groaning)

It's like watching

a crow eat roadkill.

Oh, hey, I almost forgot.

Yo, Angus, can you microwave

some of these

pocket rockets please?

But just for

a little bit, not too long.

Sure thing, Ronny.

Ronny: These babies

taste awesome warmed up.

Agnes: Heating them up!

You know I call

the pepperettes my babies,

'cause I'm never,

ever having kids.

(belching)

Leon, can we talk?

Oh, you brought your purse.

Aren't you worried

I might rummage?

Admit it, you've done

some shady sh*t in the past.

But cleaning all those

weenuks meant something.

Those weenuks

did mean something to me.

- You're full of moo.

- I am not.

I can fok'n smell it from here.

Okay, then!

Come to Rose's wedding with me.

Like a date?

Not really.

Come with me as a person who

just happens to be with me,

together at the same time

in the same place.

sh*t's confusing.

Call it a pre-date.

Okay.

Ronny: Mmm.

Mmm

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

Mmm

Mm-mm-mm-mmm.

The f*ck?

You ready bro?

Yeah!

All right,

it's getting fired time.

- Yeah!

- Yeah!

(screaming)

♪

(growling)

(screaming)

Dean: Whoo!

Come with me. Now!

Excuse us.

- Hey.

- Hi.

There's something

I want you to have.

What is it?

It's beautiful.

Just like you.

I love it.

It used to be my mom's.

She told me

to give it to someone

special someday.

Oh, that's so sweet.

No way!

They have those

little sliders I love.

You want one?

Uh, yeah, sure, okay.

Be right back.

My pin!

Someone stole my Bumblebee pin!

Ooh, if I had that hitman, none

of this would have happened!

I know what you're trying to do.

Well then, do it, then, fire me.

- Gregory, cut it out!

- I don't want this job,

I don't want this name, and I

don't want you in my life.

You know what I want?

I want you to take this contract

and shove it up

your posting hole.

And by that,

I think he means your as*h*le.

Greg: Dean

What exactly are you going to do

without my help and my money?

We're going to

open up our own store.

- We are?

- Yeah, man.

Yeah, man.

Then this makes

you my competitor,

and I don't play nice.

Oh, and Gregory, you're fired.

Dean: Yeah, dude!

(gasping)

My boy

what did Ronny do to you?

She hurt me.

Where?

In my heart.

(speaking Indigenous language)

That bad woman Ronny!

(sobbing)

Leon, what the f*ck?

What? You don't like your pin?

(whispering:) You stole it.

I didn't steal anything.

You did.

Got you.

See you around,

my little three of clubs.

Attention, everyone. We are

gathered here today

to celebrate the union

of one Rose Sinclair

and Stephen Harper.

And also, to honour Ed.

It was his wish to save money

for his funeral by leeching

onto another ceremony.

So, we'll be doing

two things at the same time.

Let's begin.

(bridal march playing)

(exhaling sharply)

(bridal march playing)

♪

Do you Rose,

take this guy to be

your forever shack up,

to love him,

comfort him,

to be his rock and his roll,

through good times and bad,

for as long as you're

both kicking around?

I do.

Do you, Stephen Harper,

take this--

Yes, I do!

Paul

Ed was a moocher in life

(mournful organ playing)

and also a moocher in death.

Nobody really knew him, but

we're going to miss him dearly,

like all the things

that he "borrowed".

Now, before I declare

these two married,

does anyone object?

Speak now

or forever shut your trap.

Then, Rose and Stephen Harper,

I declare you--

I have an objection.

(guests gasping, chattering)

Stephen Harper,

you are a beautiful man.

You're perfect.

But that's the problem,

I don't need perfect.

Paul,

you and I are so different,

but, somehow, we fit.

You're the butter to my bannock.

You're-- you're the water

to my juice.

You're the cut-up wieners

to my mac and cheese.

Babe

we complete each other.

I love you!

I love you.

(Agnes chuckling)

Agnes: Oh!

Well Ed's still dead.

(mournful organ playing)

So, let's bow our heads

for a moment of silence.

Roger: To quote the great

warrior Chief Sitting Bull,

"That was one weird

f*ck' summer."

Dean and Greg

are opening a co-op.

Chickadee and the teens

are gonna stick

around for high school.

Who knows?

Paul could even get his diploma.

Speaking of Paul, guess he

and Rose are back together.

But for how long?

As we ponder

this great question,

here's Charlie Chochoet

and the Runner-Awayers

with "Gone For Good Again".

(country music playing)

♪ You look so lovely ♪

♪ Is this all a dream? ♪

♪ Gonna make a vow ♪

♪ To the Lord above ♪

♪ I promise you ♪

♪ I'll give you all my love ♪

♪ Girl, you're so ♪